#like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like

[inkskinned]

this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

#spilled ink #writeblr #:) lol . anybody notice how i write about dads in second person exclusively #me: haha silly cartoon #also me: ): this child is not getting what they need #also btw this is about a father but it might apply to any parent or caregiver #there's a really weird space of like #''this person was technically around me but either ignored me or was actively harmful to me'' #and like u learn this very strange ritual of like... this person is my parent/caregiver on a technicality #that you almost spend all ur time with them like... tiptoeing and acting as THEIR parent so u don't upset them. #like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like #uhhhhhh okay?? bc you feel like this is absolutely going to go wrong and is why u usually make breakfast alone #and she starts being like: THIS is called a TEASPOON ... & u know all this stuff but you also know to just be very quiet #bc if you say like ''mom ive been making this breakfast every day since i was 13'' she would FREAK OUT and be like #DONT ACT LIKE I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU DONT ACT LIKE I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL . #so u have to smile like ur a preschool teacher and be like. OH COOL! i didn't know A CUP existed! tell me MORE! :)

[headcanons-everywhere]

who are these pretty people alex

GingAle - Today at 12:14 AM

dude's Josiah, gal is Olivia, aka Olive!

its a long road until they get together but

when/if they do, there will be sappy junk like

"my little olive" n shit bc anything cheesy you can imagine happening in an old timey / worn down sea-side town?

theyd do it

and will do it

but the idea came from History of Violence by Jason Webely (gr8 song, comes from "100 years ago tomorrow" abt a real historical event its p dark but rlly neat imo)

https://jasonwebley.bandcamp.com/track/a-history-of-violence

that song

n so far, josiah is a tired boy working odd jobs on and off various ships, never leaving the port on them but just doin stuff like matience / cleaning / loading and/or unloading the ship's cargo / etc

other odd jobs are usually tranporting stuff throughout the town for various markets n such, like hauling bags of flour from a ship to the local baker for example, stuff like that

kappital - Today at 12:19 AM

ooOOOOO

that's really cool!! and they're both really cute 80

GingAle - Today at 12:20 AM

n its a really worn down sea-side town almost built in a boardwalk sort of way where you could literally go to the edge of town and hop down the side of the small cliff-like area (which is barely 6 feet high at most prolly) and land in the long stretch of the beach area n watch the waves n shit, which he does in his (rare) free time

thaN K :Dc

only uh

thing

being

hes lowkey traumatized

ok more highkey

kappital - Today at 12:21 AM

FUCK

GingAle - Today at 12:21 AM

highkey traumatized bc, at least as far as im thinkin rn, if shit goes down with battles n what not, its kind of a "all hands on deck" (no pun intended) situation for the town

where any man 12 and over will basically be pulled into it one way or another while the wives n children try to care for eachother and the wounded

which, in itself is already kinda fucked right

WELL

at 17, he was one of these guys pulled into battle for whatever was happening

but you're never told much

just

get out and fight, protect your own and the town, yadda yadda

so he was basically handed a gun and told go

so go he did and he

never really handled a gun before that

and didnt want to be part of it

but somehow found himself towards the front of it all aaaand

kinda

shot a dude on a ship of the ones supposedly invading the town to start shit or w/e

and watched him fall foward and off the ship into the water n hes always haunted by that day

n if it wasnt enough

kappital - Today at 12:24 AM

:c

GingAle - Today at 12:24 AM

it was speculated afterwards that it mayve not even been an attack

it mayve been a misunderstood trade ship or w/e

kappital - Today at 12:25 AM

god dammit

GingAle - Today at 12:25 AM

so he may have just been shoved into a battle of innocent people and he himself took at least one of those lives

so thats haunting his ass atm

and on top of THAT

he lives with his grandfather whos a p cold / quiet person, but will often praise him for what he did that day

which only fucks with him more bc its like "why would u praise me for killing a possibly-innocent person when i never wanted to be in that mess in the first place" n the grandfather shrugs it off bc hes one of those people thats a die hard believer in "War Is The Only Language Left To Speak" and "Protect Your Own At All Costs" n shit so thats fun

buT rn hes just

cargo boy, odd jobs here n there

and oblivious to olivia's crush on him

which is where she comes in

watching this dude carry like 4 bags of flour at once across his shoulders n its like that moment where they look intense and u see the sweat dripping off their face and everythings in slow motion as she sees him n its like

shes seeing Glowing Halo Of God Shining Upon This Boy Whos Probably An Angel Himself

while the most hes seeing a nap in the near future

is a *

sO YEAH she sees him around often being it a small "everyone is everyones neighbor" kinda town and flustered every time

flusters*

kappital - Today at 12:30 AM

shes head over heels for traumatized buss boy

GingAle - Today at 12:30 AM

YEAH HONESTLY

shes the kind of flustered where if theres a flower cart at the local market or somethin and she sees him

she just

not-so-causally-yet-tries-to-not-look-so-suspicious-ly hauls ass to hide behind the large display of flowers

like u wouldnt notice

bc she just

daintily walks over there a lil faster than her normal pace

but if u saw her face directly u would see her Suffering(tm)

like that red faced "oh fuck oh no oh no oh shit fuck fUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK --"

kinda look as shes internally panicking in hoping he doesnt see her staring

bc even behind the flowers

shell glance over

and be staring

kappital - Today at 12:33 AM

shes relatable

GingAle - Today at 12:33 AM

;Dc

kappital - Today at 12:33 AM

I like her

GingAle - Today at 12:33 AM

gOOD

shes overall just a gal trying to survive

both in the sense of day to day life

and also trying to not have a stroke every time she sees him

kappital - Today at 12:35 AM

olivia please

GingAle - Today at 12:36 AM

like legit there have been times where the weather gets hot and hes been working hard so you'll see like, most of his shirt buttons undone to where it shows like most of his torso as hes got this angry-but-in-a-hot-way kinda expression going as hes basically showing off his strength by carrying whatever it is that day on his shoulders like usual

n she just

becomes suddenly!!!! super fucking interested in her bible!!!!

but oh no!!! she forgot her glasses that she doesnt have bc she doesnt actually need them so shes gotta!!! bring that thing up realllly close to read it!!!

totally not hiding her entire face or anything!!!!!

kappital - Today at 12:37 AM

BIBLE

IM CRYING OH NO

oLIVIA

GingAle - Today at 12:38 AM

she carries one around w/ her bc even tho shes not super religious she grew up in a religious family so shes like

casually-religious

buT OH MAN ON THOSE DAYS

SHE JUST

RLLY GETS THE URGE TO RE-READ THE ENTIRE FUCKING THING COVER TO COVER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MARKET PLACE

PRAISE JESUS AMEN HALLELUJAH

TOTALLY NOT PRAISIN JESUS FOR THAT TONED FRAME OF HIS NOOO NEVERRRRR

honestly shed be the kind of person ud see whos like

she sees him doing something especially attrative to her

and she just

reflexivly does the cross motion across her chest bc god help her

literall y

kappital - Today at 12:41 AM

DUDE FUCKIGN

aw I wanna write for them that's really cute

GingAle - Today at 12:41 AM

8Dc !!!

im glaD U LIKE EM AAA

kappital - Today at 12:42 AM

that sucks dude what if she's like

buying seeds for a garden or something and she's about to step out the shop and dude comes in with bags of dirt over his shoulders

but because she's at the door he steps back and holds it with his foot cause shes a lady

like dude she wouldnt be able to breathe dude she would die alex

GingAle - Today at 12:44 AM

YE AH

like shed

no joke

if she had a lot to carry or w/e and she ran into him n he was like "hey do you need help with that seed miss" shed literally just be like

"oh hun u could plant ur seed in my garden at any time"

"what was th--"

"HAHAIGOTTAGOBYE"

kappital - Today at 12:45 AM

shes gonna burn in hell this is BAD

GingAle - Today at 12:46 AM

PRETTY MUC H

if her fam knew like

they arent super strict or anything

but theyre more religious than her

and so if they knew

itd be like

"honey i love you but keep this up and we'll run out of holy water for the next 2 months in under a week from nearly drowning u in it"

like they wouldnt do anything sevear but itD BE

RLLY AWKWARD

n sometHIN WOULD HAPPEN

kappital - Today at 12:47 AM

IM CRYING

GingAle - Today at 12:47 AM

like idk "ur grounded from going to the market for 2 weeks young lady" type stuff

kappital - Today at 12:48 AM

that's not gonna stop the love demon, cupid,

GingAle - Today at 12:48 AM

YEA H

if he ever spoke to her for longer than like, "i just bumped in to you hi whats up" kinda talk, she would probably die

hes not like

josh / emitt oblivious

shes just rlly good at hiding it most of the time

so eventually he prolly catches on like "?? does she??? like me??? wh--" but doesnt act on it

but if they talk n she says "i like you. a lot. like, like-like you."

hed just be like

"i noticed, yeah"

and you would never see a more priceless "O H F U C K" look on her in your entire fucking life

kappital - Today at 12:56 AM

I noticed yeah

you

you fuck don't say that

GingAle - Today at 12:57 AM

wELL

hes rarely interacted with girls s o

hes got not much else under his belt besides blunt honesty and manners

kappital - Today at 12:59 AM

time to get experience fuckhead

GingAle - Today at 1:00 AM

YEA H

kappital - Today at 1:02 AM

what does he do though does he mercy kill her or

GingAle - Today at 1:02 AM

which part :)c ?

kappital - Today at 1:04 AM

after the

confess

GingAle - Today at 1:04 AM

she runs

shes gone

shes "HAHA SO I JUST FORGOT MY MOM WANTED ME HOME BY--WHAT TIME IS IT?? OH JEEZ IM ALREADY LATE HAHA BYE "

she runs

no grave

grace

no dainty "if i act chill he wont notice"

she fucking bolts

kappital - Today at 1:05 AM

ME

I LOVE HER

GingAle - Today at 1:06 AM

high tails it back to her house, hides in her room, doesnt even take off her bonet or anything as she curls up in bed with a pillow to her face, basically screaming

GO OD

i figurred she might be a tad relateable ;D

but yA shes just

yelling, muffled by her pillow

kappital - Today at 1:07 AM

this poor baby

GingAle - Today at 1:07 AM

n josiahs just like

"?? what just??"

"????????????????????????"

kappital - Today at 1:08 AM

jos you fuck

GingAle - Today at 1:09 AM

IKR

he knows shes embaressed but it hasnt like

sunk in yet

like he knows she gets flustered around him n shit

but it really hasnt like

fully hit him on how in love she is with him

until later when they meet up again prolly but like

at that moment he just doesNT KNOW HOW TO REACT

they dont exactly give u "What To Do If A Girl Confesses Her Liking Of You And Then Immideatly Hauls Ass In The Opposite Direction" pamplets at the drug store or anything

kappital - Today at 1:11 AM

that is true

you gotta wing it

GingAle - Today at 1:14 AM

yAH

n he kinda

sucks at that

but they figure it out eventually :)

prolly meet up after he chases down her bonnet or somethin from it flyin off as she was tryina re-tie it or somethin just as cheesy n when he comes back with it they share a few moments where it clicks like

"aw fuck he really does care for me"

"oh my god im actually in love with her o h n o"

etc

n they actually chat for a bit n suRPRISE she doesnt run away this time bc they met up a few times before already

but shes flustered still n her hands are fumbling so he offers to help tie it for her n he does

granted, kinda looks like shit bc he doesnt know how to do the Exact(tm) method for tying it to look nice

but its still a bow

so after a bit from there, they eventually part ways

and when she walks in to her house her moms prolly like "?? honey why is ur bow so sloppy what did you do" n olive's just like "I Love It"

he eventually figures out how to fucking do it right once they actually start dating, but it def takes a few tries :,)

n thats abt all i got rn i thin K

so ya thats them :,y

kappital - Today at 1:26 AM

that's so fucking cute

theyre so

DORKS

dorks

GingAle - Today at 1:26 AM

;D

kappital - Today at 1:26 AM

theyre losers I love them

GingAle - Today at 1:27 AM

im glaD ;*

#H.o.V. #Olivia #Josiah