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sapphic-agent · 6 months

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Not sure if I even read the Breaking Point fic. Maybe, maybe not. But I have my own share of fics that "we can fix canon" but make worse.

There one fic I recall (the name slipped from my mind) where ofa somehow shows the class A1 all the abuse Izu endured by BK - it was all thanks to bk and Izu forced team up- and still...people did nothing.

Now think about this premise: ofa shows the abuse and people are just midly concerned.

Why is that? Why make Izu be seen as a victom and get help and support is smth so rare in this fandom?

It is rare see Ochako and his so called friends do stick up for him in fics and not be demonized. Hell, there one where class A1 finds out bk bully Izu(OH MY GOD HE TRIED TO KILL HIM...why fics make them discovery their past as if is a big plot twist?) And proceed to give a taste of his own poison.

And...."this is bad. They shouldnt do this. Poor bk"

You know, some stories talk aboht forgiviness and can be a really touching and well done thing....but those are rare, extremely so. I'm tired of "forgive them bc this is correct" let Izu hold grudges. Let Izu dont forgive bk and be in his right.

A dorama who got this right is The Glory. The mc was horrible abused and got her revenge and in no point people were "forgive them" to mc.

To conclude: this fandom seems to tnink Izu and pain are the OTP when it really isnt nor should be.

Yeah, the fandom can be... Desensitized to this issue so to speak. I think this is for two reasons.

1. So much of Bakugou's behavior is brushed off as a joke. It's easy for people to turn a blind eye to his treatment of Izuku because so much of it is glazed over by cheap laughs.

Honestly I'm pretty sure that's why people think we're so stuck in the suicide baiting in episode 1. Because that's the only moment the series ever really treats Bakugou's behavior as serious as it is. Like, yeah, that was bad, but that's far from the only thing Bakugou's ever done to Izuku. There's attacking him during the Quirk Apprehension Test, hunting him down and seriously injuring him during the Battle Trials, being purposely uncooperative and punching him during the Final Exam, coercing him into a fight after curfew and demanding information that absolutely wasn't his business, throwing his headpiece at him, attempting to forcibly draw Blackwhip out with no consideration of the consequences, etc. Mind you, everything I just listed happened at UA (a few when he was supposed to be "changing"). I would argue that a good number of these things were worse than the suicide baiting.

But they don't register in people's heads the same way because the narrative doesn't treat them the same way. So when fanfiction authors try to write these stories, they're only looking at one aspect of it while turning a blind eye to everything else. They might do a decent job addressing how Bakugou treated Izuku in Aldera, but do a piss poor job of addressing his behavior at UA.

2. Horikoshi doesn't allow Izuku to be looked at as the victim.

This wasn't always the case. We're supposed to feel bad for him in episode one. We're supposed to think that his treatment at Bakugou's hands during the Battle Trials is brutal. He was written to be the sympathetic underdog who's been given a bad hand in life and gets treated like shit because of it.

But that began to change around Deku vs Kacchan Part 2. Hori knew that Izuku had to forgive Bakugou if the viewers were going to. But there was also no way to realistically do this if he actually had a negative response to Bakugou's treatment of him. So he gave us the implication that Izuku wasn't bothered by it at all (which we know isn't true because he was extremely upset when Bakugou said what he said in episode one). He confirms this through All Might of all people, so it has to be true, right?

And most viewers will accept this at face value. Because they're looking for an out for Bakugou. They're looking for a way they can like him while not condoning a bigoted bully.

That's how I see things anyway

#anti katsuki bakugou #mha critical #bnha critical #ask

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findursoulmateorfindyourself · 9 months

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its really still a problem. i am reading mark aurel which is all about focusing on urself and pracising kind hearted not comparing urself too others not envy and so on and then this stunning stunning stunning young woman comes, dark hair teint skin beuatifuk mouth beuatofuk smile suoer young oerfect akin very beautifuk body but akk in a very subtle way. she smiles to me i smile bavk i admire her but and this sistrubs me i still envy her. i wish i had her beauty and her eaziness soorit the effortless sex appeal. next to her i feek old, wasted and kind of trying to be ridicule. i need to wear rhose toght things to he recognized I need to really ahoe my hody but she is not doing anything kf jt and still glowing. but it ahoukd he omay and i ahoukd not feek bad aboht mysekf just because she js suoer stunning. why am i doing it. its all just to put myself down. but i knkw irs a fact a fact i just oainky should accept and mkve on. be grateguk for the bidy i am in as i an prraching everyday and saying hoe much i love myself now. apparently i am not there yet. hiw can i get over it and just recognize and cherish her beuaty fulk stop. i dont hate her fir being behaitfuk i just wish it coukd be me instead. i think my kifr woukd be so much better if i looked like that but what woukd be better? i know she is a beautifuk kind soul the way she smiles gives jt off. its not like i would be taking this beautiful body and losing a beautiful character bc she clearly has it all…so what am i scared for. the man or woman I like, likes her better fir her beauty and her character? so it be, then it simply means they are a better match. if she is oreferred for something like getting into a club I am not, so it be. it is not my oath to be in this club as it is not my path to be with this person. but then how to jot feel sorry for urself as it all just seems unfair. and i think this is the crucial part. everythingabout us is beautiful if we are doing it with a compass liek mark aurek out of honesty purity and kind hearted ness every little thought ( it is okay to be jealous I am not there yet) but I am really trying. I might bit get into the club, i should say c’est la vie, and might go hoke with a fresh mind crrating something amazing. it has the same value. or does it not? therr is no such thing as objectively speaking thats why POV became such a thing i guess but yes. lets try to oretend objectively which means a lot kf opinions gathered she is getting into the club meeting tons of amazing oeiple and sancing to incredibke music. over girl going home and chilking thwre no ine cates aboht her. but it is also with what aurek says caring about what ithers think and do its espeically the problem!! I inky have my now and here out if my eyes and my heart and it is supposed to be like that. and ofc im thinkinf hundert peopke consider it to he better like this or like that basically this is how democracy works, how can I vakidate my own opinion as much as them 100 if it comes to, it is the same good to be rejected and go hike than be in the club? its the same old same okd question about. which opinion values how can i crrate my value without the measurements of others. i am always coming to this. i sint want peiple to think i am a narcisisit egoman if i dont give a fuck aboht theyre opinions amd weigh mine way higher. it is trucky to maneuver in that mindest without becomung ignorant. but at the same time i dont want to live through grow through prosper thorigh affirmation hell no that aounds like hell. i want to affirm mysekf. it is maybe because ut is the sustainabke way. when we think about rivers and flyids which i cam to visualize when we had a saying about einfluss neglej und beeinflussen which also inckudes the river interesntinfky and aurel is talking alout aboht the stream and i think it is pary of live as blood is streaming through our veines and we need ghe water and the fluids, the circulation is life. bht coming back to the asoect of sustainabikty. listen imagine your own body giving ur own body ur own bacteria ur own blood cells when we tal

lol my paragrpah was maxed oht i do too much bla bla. but yes if we i somt want to go into biologism to much i never want to dsocirmante bodies espeicalky when it comes to genetics we always have to he carefuk to not get into any natuonalism discimnating fucked up shit. but I think my own body loves theri own system the most and it csn get a lot of her own system. its a little bit maybe kets talk about skin its better. my dahrer always refused to wash us too much as babies and in general he as this pladoyer: ur own bidy crrates fat that oeitect the skin, washing it away sith oerfumed shampoo gel to then out chemical body lotion sossnt seem to be an enhancement for the skin seems pretty ligicak to me. I mean everyone has their own bekiefs and ways but I kove to appreciate what my vody creates and what my body does. I know i am talking aboht an abled healthy skin ans i know some peiple just love to smeell like thousand rose leafs. byt i find that metaphor pretty good for also souk stuff. what my own body gives to my body is because it is healthy important disclaimer sensefull and good for me. it pribably matches my needs better than any artificial or natural product which fits affirmation from outside. of course fhe cream snells nice i feek fresh but then, my bidy get used to this crram wnats more of this crram and stips crrating its own fat to protect the skin maybe. I always have to buy this cream and its exterior, it will never last. i need it nee alk the time

i need rhat affirmation it feeks good but it wont last, my own afformation whereby comes naturally fits my needs and it is independent on any outer things. and this is why the value for me of my own affirmation wighs heavier than any of other people. i feel free and i feel good avoht jt but ifc still i am here comoaring mayelf to a maybe 19 year old woman that i wikk never be and never was. and its okay like fhaf but i need ti remind myself and i am disappointed inmyself still that it affects me so much and my head us gilled aitb it instead kf kther thints. but at the same time i lay down write this down and reflect on it so i hope i pray but i also

know that the next time i get inti a situation like that ill feel differently. I see feel hear taste the world thourgh my eyes and I love that I appreciate so many good food so much so many nice music ao many beuatofuk animals buidlings chikdrens families situations ( sometimes i dont of course madness, sexism, racism exploitation hatred and injsutice of the workd) but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this. trhough my mind baby through my mind and love ur mind, it diesnt mean you think her mind sucks, it is beautifuk for sure, but its her mind her life her feelings hers and its good to see ssomeone havinf it like that its just an insoiratuon and a joy if beuaty and smiles which is for free and contagious( but Its all meant for me. and i need tk accept and allrecate this.

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ghostlyb1tch · 4 years

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Charlie Gillespie x Among Us

okay so this is isn’t a fan fic even thought the title makes it seem that way ahaha. this is actually just writing out the dream i had last night. but i suggest reading it, it’s honestly wicked cool. also title credits to @xplrreylo

warnings: mentions of death, death, fighting. weapons, and i think that’s it, also a little fluff but not much.

also sorry aboht the spacing of the story, since i wrote this in my notes and am copying it from there and pasting it here the spacing is gonna get a little messed up. thanks for understand <3

it starts out with me at my aunt jill’s house. i was sitting on her sofa and then she starts telling the family something SUPER embarrassing about me. so before any of the family members can come confront me i grab my coat and sneakers and i run out of the house. it’s the middle of the night, in the dead of winter, in the middle of the woods. i was walking around when i found this bridge in front of a frozen lake so i sat on it. i should’ve been freezing but i just for some reason wasn’t cold. but i sat there for what felt like ages. when a mysterious black shadow approaches me. but instead of being scared i walked right up to it. it was a small blue car, and inside was my other aunt, kelsey. “what are you doing outside, get in!” she said and she opened the passenger door for me to hop in. we drove back to my house, and she began packing up her room. she was moving after all. it was (somehow) now probably beginning of summer. it was a nice temperature. not too hot, not cold, no wind, and no clouds.

i was walking around in my backyard when i came across a group of kids and they were playing a game. “hey! you should play too!” the girl with the brown hair suggested to me. they seemed seriously sus but i didn’t wanna be rude. so i accepted their offer. they then spun a bottle and it landed on this boy. he looked like he was about 25. was not wearing a shirt, and was EXTREMELY ripped. I was then handed a paper with different tasks on it. The brown haired girl spoke again, “the way the game works is you need to complete all those tasks without Max”(the boy without a shirt)”being able to find you, because if he does-“ Max interrupted only to say, “I’ll kill you.” I laughed assuming it was a joke. But my smile soon faded when Max pulled out a knife. i gulped and ran for my life. I could practically feel my heart beating out of my chest.”If you finish all your tasks and show us than you win and you live.” With that information I ran for my house, and when i was approaching the wide open door i noticed a tall boy with brown curly hair, he looked like he was waiting for something or someone. after a second of trying to see who he was i came to the realization that with the amount of adrenaline and momentum I had in my body, I wasn’t going to be able to stop. i yelled and tried to get him to move but it was too late. I ran through the door and immediately hit the floor with a bang. Well, I didn’t hit the floor. My fall was cushioned by the boy I had seen whilst I ran in. I sat there on top of him and I didn’t get up for a moment. I stared at him focusing on each feature of his face. He had hazel eyes and his nose was incredibly small. He had a freckle on his nose and a couple more near his jawline. His eyebrows were slightly bushy but were properly tamed and they shape was straight.After probably a minute of admiring him I had realized that I zoned out and was still just completely on top of him but I had also remembered that if I had tasks to do that if I was seen by Max i’d be killed. I quickly got up, helped up the boy, apologized and left. I looked back as I ran because i didn’t want to leave. His eyes met mine before i quickly turned my head and began on my first task. I ran up to the the rooftop balcony of my second highest floor of my house. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for up there but I guess I found it because the next thing I know i’m about to start looking for my last few tasks when my dad stopped by and gave me a pair of sunglasses. i wore them for a bit then put them in his car. he left and then came back and yelled at me because they were broken and then said i should take better care. i apologized and he left.

i was going to start completing the last 4 tasks when the boy i had practically tackled in my kitchen had came over to me and started speaking to me. “Hey! Remember me? I’m the one you tackled in your kitchen! ”

“Yea,Yea, Hi! I am so so sorry about that but i really really need to go.” I didn’t want to leave he sure was attractive but if I didn’t finish these last couple tasks i’d be done for.

“Well I’m Charlie, and where are you going? Maybe I can come?”

“Fun, I’m Dakota and that could be nice but I’m in some seriouslt dangerous stuff and I’d hate to get you involved.”

He fixated his eyes directly onto mine and said “First of all, I know who you are. Second of all, I’m coming. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“That sounded like a demand.” I said with a smirk. Not even questioning the fact that he knew who I was.

“That’s because it is.”

I honestly laughed. It was incredibly attractive the way he just said that and how else are you supposed to respond when people do attractive things.

“Okay then but if you die you can’t blame me.” I told him.

“Alright. My fault if i die.”

Hopefully it doesn’t come to that. I thought as we began walking.

“So what exactly are we doing?”

“Oh yea. so basically we need to complete this list of tasks-“ i handed him the list. “and once we complete it we go to this group of people and we win. I already finished six of them so now we only have to complete four.” I explained.

“So how is it dangerous?” his eye brows furrowed with confusion.

“Well if we get caught by this guy, Max, while we’re competing these tasks he’s gonna try to kill us.”

He gulped. “okay then let’s finish these tasks.”

We finished the first 3 rather quickly. I mainly did the doing while he kept watch for Max. But the last task was rather difficult, I couldn’t compete it on my own so I asked Charlie to come help.

“Charlie, I need your help quick. I can’t lift this crate on my own.”

“coming.” He ran over and lifted the box so I could crawl underneath. My heart dropped as i heard a gunshot followed by a laugh. “CHARLIE!” i screamed.

“DAKOTA STAY WHERE YOU ARE DON’T COME OUT!” he sounded out of breath.

With a sudden bolt of adrenaline I pushed the box out of my way and crawled back to where I was before. I stood up with Charlie by my side and Max directly in front of me.

“Hey princess. I missed you.” the shirtless man before me said with a smile.

I began to open my mouth when i heard Charlie “princess?” He was interrupted by Max then saying “Look you’ve found you’re self a little boyfriend. Tragic that he’s gonna have to die too.” He then lifted his arm to throw his knife at Charlie when I lunged forward and attacked him. I grabbed his gun from his belt. I went to throw it to Charlie when I felt a sharp heavy object slice across my left cheekbone, which was followed by a hard uppercut leaving my lip and nose bleeding. Along with the blood still dripping from my cheek.I let out a loud cry and dropped the gun only a few feet from me. Charlie finished the last task snd ran over, ripped me away from Max and began fighting him with his fists. He got in a good couple licks but Max did better. Punched Charlie directly in his nose leaving it dripping with blood along with his lip. As I watch the fight go down I notice the black gun I had earlier dropped. I picked it up and fired. Both guys flew back in opposite directions. I wasn’t sure who I had hit. But when I looked to my right and saw blood trailing down the stomach of the shirtless man. I knew there was only one thing left to worry about, Charlie. I slid the gun into my belt and ran over to Charlie.

“Charlie. I am so so so sorry. I knew I shouldn’t have involved you I am so sorry.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and he grabbed my waist and held me close. “I’m okay. i’ve been in a fight before.” He let go of me and stood up. He grabbed the object we’d acquired from our final task. “now let’s go end this thing.” We ran to the middle of the backyard, covered head to to with bruises, dried blood, and honestly still some dripped blood. When the group of people I had scene before came out. “Great job. You win, and I’m pretty sure you killed Max.” the brunette from earlier stated.

“He was going to kill us there was no other choice!” I responded letting my temper take the best of me.

She laughed. “Well that’s the point. But nice playing with you!” she, and the rest of the group then disappeared into the woods. Charlie and I looked at each other. But no words came out. He cupped my cheeks into his hands and laid a passionate kiss on my lips. After what felt like ages he pulled away and rubbed his thumb over the cut from Max’s knife that stretched across my cheekbone. I wined. “Let’s get that fixed up.” he smiled.

#charlie gillespie #among us

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igavro · 4 years

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I want to talk a little. since no one can hear, or maybe I myself don't want to write this to someone in particular, let me talk here. Just like that, I'll write it up in the air, even if no one reads it. It will still be here, and maybe after a while I will read it again and I can talk to myself. maybe I can give myself an advice, scold myself, or just keep quiet with myself(I guess that’s what I’ll do). So, where to start? Let me just start from the top of my thoughts now.

Hopelessness.

In fact, this word is just a lie. There is always hope for everyone, because where there is no hope, there is no life, we all live and try to strive for something, we all hope for some outcome of events. Every day I hope that my cat will come to me so I can stroke her, that in the morning my parrots will chirp, that a little later I will call my grandmother and she will answer me, that today, like it was yesterday(or wasn’t at all), my girlfriend will love me and will want to see me again, to hug me, to kiss me. To take a walks together, to talk about nothing and everything at the same time, to hold my hand, to watch me in the eyes and just smile. Everyday I hope that I won’t lost my job, that everything will be better soon. Everyday I hope that there won’t be more homeless dogs and cats on the streets. That I will be better person, that I was yesterday. What we call “hopelessness” is just a word to describe how we feel in fact. It means feeling bad. It means that one of your hopes that you had everyday died a little bit. You still not hopeless, but how is it, feeling that the really special part of your life is dying and you can help it. Do you believe, that you can save everything in your life? No, you can’t. You can try, try until it truly dies, try until that person you want to be with tells you to stop, says that there is no more hope between you and her. You can try till the end for everything that happens to you. Don’t you ever stop since it’s what your heart wants.

Angry.

That disgusting feeling, that is much more strong than hopelessness. But do you know which anger is baddest and strongest one? Anger on yourself. Oh shit, that kills me. Why don’t we people think before we do something? Oh I know dear, I know that sometimes we lost ourselves and it’s the worst thing that can happen to us. Because when you become bad, that’s what everyone will remember. No one will believe that you were just lost and that you needed help until they will lost themselves too. After that, maybe they will be sorry, but who cares about being sorry? Do they know, that we hate ourselves for what we become when we needed help, when we were nowhere, when we didn’t see anything, when we didn’t see ourselves in the mirror, even our face, even the face was different. It wasn’t you, it wasn’t you look, wasn’t your eyes. And now, now we blame us for what we’ve done. Why, why wasn’t I strong enough to stop it? I wasn’t so what can I do now? Nothing. Keep trying to prove that it wasn’t me doing those things? But how coke it wasn’t you will they ask, people don’t change will they say. Well, I know that feel, I understand you. I know that until something very bad happens, until you will face real yourself in private you won’t really change. Until yourself will come with words like “are you kidding? Go fuck yourself, you dumb, I came and I am as strong as I have never been.” And from that moment you will throw that shitty person you were far away from you. But you have to work much harder from that moment. Because as I already said, no one will understand, no one will believe. Maybe if not that situation, I won’t believe it from someone too. But now I do.

Fear.

That’s one of those feelings that are killing you softly. How to describe it? I can hardly think, but let me try. That feeling is my huge problem. Like, why did I had fear about someone being better than me? How can someone be better? We are all cool just the way we are. If someone reads more book than you, don’t be afraid, that this person will be more interesting. Start reading you too, or maybe you know something else much better than that person? Common, the world is infinity, you can learn whatever you want to. You can be much more interesting than me, he or she in something. I can be more interesting in something and that’s how it works. You can’t know everything as that’s how we all do. Just don’t stop learning. This world is so fucking interesting and you can be whoever you want to be, just try, just do something. That’s what I understood in nearest past. Now my fears are much more less. Because I understood that everything depends on me. I don’t have to cry about something I don’t know, I should learn it.

Love.

Love, love, love. That’s what we all need. I won’t talk aboht that feeling a lot. Just when you finally found it, please keep it safe. Because that’s what I didn’t do. And now that’s on the top of what I blame myself for. That hurts, oh man that hurts so fucking much. When you look at her, and you can’t see love in her eyes anymore. When you want her to hug you but that’s not what she wants. When you just want to spend some time in quite with her, but she doesn’t want to spend her time with at all.. that makes me cry, because it’s all my fault. Because I was lost, I wasn’t me and oh god, why was it at time when she was near. She was looking at me, and I was all different person. And now she thinks that’s who I really am. What to do? I don’t know. Now I am who I just really am and I want her to see it, but don’t think it will happen. But as I said up there, try, try, try.

Me, myself, I.

Do you want to know what I want the most now? I want to go up on my favorite roof i in this city, I want to listen to radiohead like I did it long ago, I want to be silent with myself and watch at the stars. After I want love of my life come up here and with saying no words just hug me and listen radiohead with me.

Believe in yourself. You’re perfect just the way you are. Don’t waste your time crying about shitty life. Just try to make it better and it will work if you believe.

I believe in you.

#Spotify

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writingandmemories · 7 years

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that was so fucking akward and terrible for me like goddamn I hated that so much idk. I mean lets run through it first we talk about how attractive colin is, and then we talk about you going to Jason for help when you're sad, which I get because he will genuinly help and care about you, and I was asleep, but so will fucking maggie about me but no i cant talk to her so why should you be able to talk to him idk. I just hate it so much all of it. Because I hear that first and i feel shit for not being there for you and then I feel shit even more because you went to him, and then you start talking about how much you miss him and how much you hate this which was so fucking akward because you know I feel terrible about making you this sad and making you cut him off, and there was silence for a few seconds because everyone knew i was the only reason and then maggie was like oh maybe you can rekindle the friendship at prom and we were both like no cant do that in our minds when we knew it was all my fault and thats why that couldnt happen and i felt like shit and to top it off you kept telling me how my friend who i really enjoy was talking shit about me like you were proving a point pr something I just didnt like that because it made me sad that he would do that and you kept saying it like you were proving to me how bad he was and i felt really bad, and then to top all of that off I trusted you by telling you what me and david had been texti g about trusted you with it because I thought i could trust you with it and you go and tell fucking jason fucking jason like why anna why would you do that why would you do that to me, and I felt even shittier because now i betrayed my friends trust as well but i mean i thought i could trust you and it wouldnt be a problem, and it was all to much and I almost started crying because i felt shitty aboht my body because of the colin thing, I felt shitty because you went to jason, I felt guilty and terrible because of all the shit about you missing him, I felt shitty because david was talking shit about me, I felt shitty because you would tell jason something like that I just felt so fucking terrible it was such a bad fucking time and car ride I almost got out of the car and was going to walk away because i couldnt handle all of it and i didnt feel like being there with you and i didnt want to cry and you know its hard for me to show emotion so I was trying so hard to be omay which was torture and I hated all of it, but im trying to be better so im just writing this and it's all fine because jason is cut off and I dont have to worry about him anymore hopefully, and I am doing better mentally and I think our relationship is getting happier now that it's all over which is good, so that's all good and im happy about that so hopefully this was just a fluke and it wont happen again, ok this was good it was good to write it out, and just vent, idk where to post it though, hmmmm okay im feeling a little bit better maybe if I just dont think about it and i forgive you of course you didnt mean to make me feel that way at all you didnt know it was an accident you would never do that to me on purpose so thats all good okay

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findursoulmateorfindyourself · 10 months

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Ok my last few weeks have been pretty full of events and I don’t do journaling bc I am lazy but should stop because basilcayll it’s first for myself before I present to the world but also I feel like sharing because that what is also the Geist y of it

it is definitely a back ar of being with urself and love it and not become obsessed so u need to humble and exchange to see all the other beautiful souls around u- one reason I share

what can happen Exocet I make myself vulnerable

but yes, it is okay I guess to make urself vulnerabme if this is who you are and you try to walk with love and good intention even if they might not be good for some other people - it is okay I guess to make urself vulnerable - I don’t know I have to think about it but I leave it here like that

I don’t like to make myself vulnerable but the same time I am way too much out there

i don’t understand how this is coming together yet, I guess it’s here just good bc I am still pretty incognito hardly anyone know me but the few that anyway I tell every little detail out of my life and it is a way ti express myself and be open aboht mh work and my thoughts the way it feels right. Not like on Instagram where everything is so restricted and controlled that’s why I love tumblr and the way it is constructed it is way more constructive; and community based. The way information is distributed; sharing communicating interacting it is about sharing and enjoying art not about watching the around of it the stories the followings or maybe it’s just me lol I also don’t do that on IG. But yes DM reels everything Instagram is just so packed. And commericalized and monetized. It destroys everything. There should be a platfrom

or way to distinguish between enjoyment and money because I understand the circularity of Instagram as platform to get jobs earn money and advert ur work but it’s somehow fucked yo that is why it is so interesting to keep in touch with alternatives like Carlo told me bitte ga is or was doing it I really need to think and find out how we can propose alternatives. nit wveryone thinks like that about IG tho

I love my father, I love mz father si so so so so much

he is so beautiful and smart and I never ever thought I would reach another keven of love for him

it is crazy I ama k grateful for his spirit and also the way my mama gets him and emphasize it eventho he is so cruel to her for reasons I can understand

my father wanted to be accepted in this country but he wasn’t even accepted by his own father in law. I think it is cruel to come to this conclusion with the woman you created life with and that is full of love

but then u push her away because she won’t understand she doesn’t understand what family means as her family is so loveless which is not true she us different. She is sensitive and seeet and thoughtful but of course how should u feel when you constantly get reminded how bad Germans are white people in a family that is so strong and talks 3 times per week my father would call my aunt 3 times per week and they talk on the phone for hours in Farsi until they start fighting hahaha I am sways loved to sit and listen to ni word I understand which my father always said was my fault, urs my fault my sister and I speak no Farsi because I was a stubborn kid not wanting to learn his language is language of affection and love he grew op he talked to his own mother my grandmother the heart of love. I was a kid of my mother, the German mother who got accepted as my grandfather would show up to my but not my older sisters birth. FRITZ I hooked up with this guy I’m sad to say guy because I really liked him but he was not ready and I am so done not been acknowledged for who I am. I rather be on myself and finally acknowledge myself. anyways he was like it’s not time for a FRITZ yet we never talked about my grandfather obv it was the second time we met….

anywho Fritz my grandpa a director of a lycee in maths u think I hated maths he was so proud. He was old school. Traditional we would say

of course in awe for culture like go to cultural pkaces and be like how amazing are they super open minded of course he was no old German kind of man….but still

why didn’t he show up to my parents wedding?! why did he hold a speech talking about his only grandchild which was the daughter of my mamas brother who was born AFTER my sister

by god my sister is the first born of this family

that is holy she is holy, and yet they wouldn’t show up

they wouldn’t talk and to be honest maybe this would have been for it’s best

my mama learning how to cook Persian food and being the best in the whole family because she is sensitive she understands what her babies needed even if she was reluctant and not able to express her love in that way because she never keanred fomr her parents

but that’s not her fault no, and that’s what mz father should fucking know.

anyways I always “was against my father” my father said, I was born it was pretty hectic

my mother had a Abgang before me so I can imagine it was pretty traumatizing to lose a life inside of you so everyone was pretty excited for me to be born. But then the doctor said I was disabled they tried to press me out I didn’t want to and then when I came everyone was so happy that I was who I was my mother loved me so much from the first second and my father was so fulfilled with the love his children his family being complete his mother still alive his siblings having babies his loved loved family togehter safe and bonded so why not make the family even more bonded and contact the grand parents. Too good to be true but with my grandparents it was the moment of change. Idk tbh but I know my madar passed, my aunts asshole husband abandoned her with her 3 beautiful boys, mhh yes things were getting tough, my family was moving closer together and apart at the same time. Because my father really became a representative and father for my aunts children, my aunt didn’t know wha to do with her pain and started to be even fringed against Germans as her husband was German like all subtle but they build their little security net, they had each other at least. And then there was my mother, the only German, the kids didn’t count as we were still part Iranian. And we got everything; but I was acting out all the time

everyone always tried to shut me up. I was so conflicted between my mother who was so left out and started to develop and antipathies next to my aunt who was doing nothing but ranting about cold German people

my mother is cold but not inside she has ur renal realism inside of her which is not her fault

i think my grandfather was racist

not my grandmother

but I think he had it internally, I think it can be herited and u think I heruited too but of course we all have the deconstruct this. My grandfather tried, but he failed a little bit my mom is trying and she is open but sometimes it is coming out but for her it’s super different than to my grandfather as she is rather just feeling so left out. And hated and I feel like it’s self hatred that made her feel like this and as I am a soughter of my mother I feel that hatred and I overtake it

there is no bigger goal for me than make me conoekrt free from stigma and weird energies and thoughts toward any person of this world ni matter what age, gender, history future background uprising….they will have.

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