#like it prob feels like how i do when someone treats me dif for being baal teshuva | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mccarthymolly · 1 year

Text

m,,. Not terrified of talk w ppl , b when do surprise aggression, maybe like a kind of aggression or speech disorganization more specific than attachments

Hmdk,kl,j,,hk ok,h,k,l,,u,hm,ok,hm,uh,ww,hm,ok,

No,dmb,chil,hm,ww

Hard for both dif things b dont take side, prob mute side

Frk nt nc ww regr

Ur preference isnt important fr smns being

They ghost n dstrc in meetings lk stonewalling js nt listen nt basic cmctn w dk, nt oral,ww, hmk h ku fdbk uh n I n

No, u like friendliness, i did ,ww no, j mu n uh too mch, dam, trying chng me, this ist seminar to mk cnv or cmmnt, ur spsd hlp

Cant say yes ww,prblm,hm,no ,oh,ok,hm,uh,no,

Nc hm,u,o, ,juh,wwh,,j,

Wwhwar uh

Nt run, j, k wk,

Ww,no,non

No,english bsing,ha,js th,orengkishunderstanding bit elab,dam u awk ir hate that idk,put on spot,omg, int then hate,wwhm,no,uh,ww,energy or wt, ig w patterns n lines,ok,yh,uh,n,o,j , goto,no,uh,ok,ww,cant, so ltr reflc? Wwh,,uh,hm,

Dk,fd,uh,n, k, u,ww, push on,uh,no,j

K ww n uh, j

Theory easier or harder,uh,

Lk ladsie wt is it boy b theyre rgginst yon f their light lk repevance of their info or ppl who comply pretend , b role, js rej.ig pnfl to be mn yh

Hm,uh ,no,nt diverse psyly,j,m

Y no paeti for me holiday ig over person nea who wont tell or id deniable, sth lk this? Oh

Uh ij

Y standing there,uh,no,

In the clear,uh,bthrm,uh,

Plc u like b uh, small for profit club, this nt nded fir rel, js nc

Nt ethival, misquote, ww, right at parts,ww,uh,u long b i no,uh,hm,uh no,not context or ask,demo ur ethics

Im not metable lk thst,uh,

Egg fr ck nt me,uh,

Pn yh not maximize,uh,

The wont hlp

Wwhm I hm oh

Cant see b dk uh n k

OmgHm no ww no h

K no

Patience

N u kick it dance n reaponses w idk

U dk how transition n r emotions

Th worst ppl, bc hon,?

Cna tge tour crisis,ww,uh,

Self hate n forfeit

Said onc b nt agn b aay b uh

Fr who i was when die

Nohk uh k hww hk k uh

Cn u cmmct not passive or agg. Cmmn w adults b not habituable in pain sense, gets to ppl they don't understand, js recognition in reflecting lk this message.

Swal

Hm adults lk kids w more adults or hopelessness or religiosity mybe,j,k,,(

Doesnt mttr that diversity, maybe would upset ppl honestly, policy inforcement more important, hk j, system fr wt,h,m

Take without asking me, this more historic wt y,uh, nl j,k,ok,no,uh,wt u do, vote, talkz maybe donate,uh,

Hv u learned alot about someone. Y not treat ev lk not, b not for fun, js as if lk that. Or they have v simple lives n haven't considered wwh

Piano rankey b nt lessons so wt,uh,dk, f me, gd they didnt test me, js wanted to believ maybe,dk,hm,h,,uh,n,o,h,

Fear dark, mind dark,oh, more powerful bad than good, good less good than ur bad was bad, medioc

Hobby personality lk personality do as hobby hm

Sth

2mmn

Let them be them b they dhdnt be bad

Guys uh no hjm

Lioe bc agree or feel heard n effective lk was giving good

Not confront or standup for me b that's not true

Coaching,no,h,k,j,

Hmdkhmno uh

Testing u,uh,n,k,j,y remind me,uh,

Melody more straight w more divergent melody, v less straight melody w more straight solo n maybe more straight often than first melody ,hm,ok,hm,uh,

Quote eh ok

How hear history. Is it history or maturity w can imply history b how hear history,hm,ok,person v player

Understanding n planning at youth. J,i,j,,j,lk,wwjzz

Cant do authentic lk nstural n indtinct, less had pefect life n are perfect, or youre excuser , u js tine out,hmwwno h

Dk eh,ym,o,n,o, j i,j,uh,n,i,h

Fitin more by eml n more authentic, hm uh no

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6ad6ro · 5 years

Text

um so… i woke up thinking of this old friend. she was like best friends w my bad ex? like i used to hang out w her like crazy. she was rly nice? mostly? tho she def had this issue where she didn’t rly know what she wanted in life. and let other ppls warped judgements of “how ppl should act” rub off on her.

like i remember times she would more or less call me a lazy piece of shit to my face. like it was somehow “understood”? but then i’d be like “why are u calling me that?” and she wouldn’t know. bc it wasn’t her actual opinion. she liked who i was. idk she was just rly confused. i think her brother was a cop. her dad was emotionally neglecting and like conservative or militant? i remember her always wanting to smoke pot but also saying “drugs are bad™”. she was someone who u could tell always wanted to be free but was held back by the opinions of the people around her.

especially her on again off again bf? i… didn’t like him. he wanted to grow up to be a politician. he only listened to classic rock. he looked and acted like a conservative wanabee eric foreman from that 70s show, but somehow even worse. he had her convinced that her dream was to be “a loving housewife”… it made me sick. i remember how he tried to convince her to stop hanging out w her best friend and me JUST bc she smoked pot. bc “she was an evil hippie and bad”. i mean tbh she SHOULD have stopped hanging out w my bad ex, but for completely dif reasons. like he was def that kinda guy. a selfish, immature, stubborn, self-righteous idiot. but he was the first guy to ever rly like her. and she had… self esteem issues. i remember how she would… was always waiting for him to decide to wanna go out w her. she seemed so lonely.

her and i were kinda friends separately from my bad ex (lets call her “A”). so one time i remember she ended up coming over to hang w me n watch rocky horror in my room? it was rly fun tbh!! we were having a great time! it was totally innocent! but i remember at one point she like… got weird. got up. and was like “im sorry i think i’m being a bad person i gotta go”. and left? i didn’t get it at the time? or rather… i think i denied it. she clearly liked me, wanted something to happen that night, and felt like a bad friend for having those thoughts. i never asked her about it but looking back it was p obvious. also A was a control freak n just a bad person… so i wouldn’t be surprised if she told L to stay away from me. even tho A was constantly cheating on me n using everyone around her etc. idk it was complicated.

i also remember another time before her and that guy that became her bf (lets call her “l” and him “m”)… i remember there was some small party at my house and for some horribly embarrassing reason my bad ex (we were still together then) convinced me to mess around w her under a blanket in same room as our other friends? we were all v v drunk. i guess it made others in room feel v lonely n so L and this other girl started like… both making out w the one other guy in the room? it was bizarre. that kind of stuff is fine in some circumstances? but this was rly unhealthy. i remember the guy felt bad and told the other girl he had to stop bc he had always rly liked L and wanted to see where things would go w her? other girl said she was fine w it (and knowing her persona it easily was?) and he ended up napping on floor w L. next day i think she woke up, completely regretted what happened, and ran back to M. it kinda sucked for guy bc he rly cared about her but she never even was willing to talk about what had happened. to her it was just a drunken mistake (i knew she kinda liked him back but obv she was scared).

even w all that stuff, L was a constant member of our hangout group for like… 7 or 8 years straight? idk! it was always rly fun w her! even if, looking back, A constantly was ruining all our fun w her insane bullshit. i have fond memories of 3am park hangouts n just roaming around talking n going on adventures… i’d never cheat on a partner. never have, never will. but i think i did have like… feelings for L that i always ignored? that part of her that… wanted freedom? from those weird family’s/bf’s/society’s ideals that she let chain her down? it was attractive. she was a nice person just doin her best.

anyways i remember around when A and i finally broke up for good (only a month after my dad died, if u wanna know how awful of a person A was). and she ended up taking me aside n warning me that A had been cheating on w me w another guy, but it’d gotten serious w him. and A of course was lying and stringing me along so she could get money n sex from me etc. A using me was p common. but L had had enough and “betrayed A” (did a v nice thing) and told me. i think that was… really what set in motion A and i being done for good. that helped wake me up about what a horrible person A was. and had always been. i’ll always be grateful to L for that. that must’ve been hard for her. and i think her and A’s like 10 year friendship died over that. which rly was a good thing like A was a terrible person.

anyways fast forward like 2? 3?? 4 years? L had gone off to a college out of state w her boyfriend M. she… followed him around. no judgement, but it prob wasn’t good for her. i was in an apartment in another city and me and A had been DONE™ for years. i was still def hurt from the 8+ years of abuse, but i was def over her at least. seeing other ppl regularly. it was def a weird time for me but… that’s another story.

L and i hadn’t rly talked in years. i just didn’t rly associate w ppl A still hung around. i never knew her and L had stopped being friends or i prob woulda kept up w L. i don’t think L and i cut off contact on purpose, but it was just one if those “things”. but L hit me up outta the blue. was like “ back in town do u wanna hang?” and we did! it was rly nice seeing her! we went out and about. idk. we started hanging for a bit. but she… idk she clearly rly enjoyed my company? but also… had those weird judgements. idk.

one time we were hanging and she was at my place and saw all the alcohol i had layin around and was like “hey uhhh can i have some?” and i was like “hehe okay i guess we can drink” and ordered a pizza and we just hung out.

idk but before we got drunk she finally told me why she was back. M, the guy she had followed to college, had done the gross, stereotypical dude thing of breaking up w her right after they both graduated. i got a vibe he had been cheating on her all throughout too. he rly was the type. and as we drank we talked about it. i felt so bad for her. she vented all night. and idk all i remember was we were both v drunk and i think i was… idk why my head was in her lap? but she was playing w my hair. and idk. we kissed. things happened. she seemed so happy w it! i was too. i even stupidly cracked a joke “i bet A would be rly pissed if she saw us rn” and we both laughed. i always regretted sayin it tho bc its not like i was doin it to get back at A.

but i remember we were in my bed making out bc i had accidentally gotten aggressive w her n slammed her into a wall n started kissing her? so hard her nose started bleeding? i felt awful but she LOOOVED it and idk we somehow wound up in bed. idk i kinda regret this. bc… i was having a hard time around then and… just sleeping w all my friends? it just became… clockwork. i would do what i thought my friends wanted me to do regardless of how i felt. i had become kinda a slut.

so i remember like… making out but then i started to escalate things? and i think fir a split second she sobered up and was like “wait lets cool this down a little”. and i was like “okay no prob” and we both tried to go for a walk n find a park? we walked hand in hand and she kept telling me how happy she was? like how… this was the kinda stuff M would never do with her? she was just smiling a lot. it was cute. but i was so drunk n still fairly new to area, so i took her in wrong direction from the park. we ended up giving up n just walking back.

we got back in and thats i think when she sobered up mostly but i wad still out of it? and she realised her dog hadn’t been fed. it was def a partial excuse but she rly loved that dog so i could tell it was REAL guilt. i felt bad bc i tried to take her hand n go back into my room bc i wanted her to stay n cuddle? i was just drunk. i wasn’t forceful, but i shoulda been like “oh that’s fine!” but tbh i was also a touch worried she was too drunk to drive. well anyways… she left.

later we did have a looong talk about it. like… she ended up going to try and get back with M again (i still will never know what she saw in him like he rly used her n treated her bad like even going so far as to ask her advice on dating other girls after they broke up). but idk i thought she was smart enough to end things w him, and could tell her and i had feelings, so i tried to stay a lil closer than friends? idk what i told her but it was along the lines of “we can stay friends but if things happen sometimes it’s okay w me”. i look back on it w embarrassment but i guess it wasn’t that bad a thing to say?

but rly it was mostly a drunken mistake. and she was scared. and wanted to cut it off. she couldn’t end things w M like she was still torally in love w him even tho he had abandoned her. tbh i know what that’s like. well anyways i remember a few hangouts later she just… bailed on me? in a rly mean way? i had gone to pick her up from her house (idk 30 min drive each way) and she just… totally stood me up. i was parked at her house like texting her wondering where she was? and she sent me a text like “sorry something came up”. and wouldn’t tell me what happened and i got annoyed and drove home.

i have a feeling now that like M had… shown back up in her life and she sorta… threw me away to run back to him? i mean i can’t take it too personally bc she woulda done that to ANYONE. i don’t remember what happened after that but we just stopped talking again. i saw later on fb that her and M had gotten engaged or married?? idek? idk if her and i are still fb friends or if one of us blocked the other or what? i don’t remember.

but idk. i hope she’s well. i hope M got WAYYY better. or she left him. or idk. i wouldn’t even know how to contact her. i’m almost afraid to. like bc i… could see her giving up on her dreams and just being that housewife to him. even if she was mildly content doing that, i know she’d never be happy. and it’s so unlikely that he’d have grown to be good to her. i just… hope she’s doing well and is okay and happy. idk why i woke up worrying about her. it’s been so long… i’m such a dif person now. idk. time is weird.

#long

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scoops-stevie · 7 years

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39-65

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? @autumnwhisp sent me roses for Christmas and I still have them and they’re so upsetting looking now but they used to be beautiful and I still love them

40: Have you ever had a valentine? Like the elementary school cards I guess. Romantically… Nope ! Lol this year tho.. my gf and my 3 month is on Valentine’s Day sooo :)

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? Caitlin holding a box of chocolates and wine wearing a giant hoodie and her kale leggings, telling me that she’ll watch Harry Potter with me tbhhhh

42: Have you ever read “Romeo & Juliet”?Nope. I hate it so much omfg.

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? Well my partner is my friend :) I think people should just look at it that way..

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? Hell yes.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? I am now so yeeeee

46: Have you ever been “friendzoned”? Hahaha yeah. Thank god for that

47: Which “famous couple” is your favorite? @royalrowena and Ruth ;) hey G

48: What’s your favorite love song?okay this is super cheesy but I want the song so close to play at my wedding… uh prob that one.

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yeah, probably

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? NA

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? Neither. I’d rather date a girl :) who’s hella

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships?Yeah… sometimes. It depends if they’re willing to really listen though. I dislike talking to people who ask for help with dating and then they tell me a fucked up story about what the other person did (and they’ll bring it up all the time) and I tell them hey deserve more than that and they stay with them ?? Like that gets kinda annoying.

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? Nahhh. I think they’re usually cute- as long as they’re being respectful and not making out in the middle of school or something

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on Facebook)?For me.. I don’t care either way. Honestly every social media account I have prob knows caitlin now. But she doesn’t post on much else. But she also has a family that’s not aware yet soo ?? I don’t wana rush that for her. I think people can do whatever as long as they acknowledge and treat me kindly

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”?Hahahah okay I would love to deny this but yeah probably a bit. Not very jealous.. I get more friend jealous… but I do get super attached to people. I’m not used to friends/relationships so when I get them I cling on

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship?Lol idk what this means but yeah I’ve broken up with people before

57: Do you think it’s silly to consider suicide because of a broken heart?In some cases … if a married person / long lasting relationship partner was broken up with or even lost their partner… that’s more understandable. I don’t think people should ever commit suicide bc of this but I guess I can see both sides.

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship?Submissive as fuck

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary?Never have forgotten birthdays.. not sure about anniversaries

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships?Don’t even suggest that to me ! I’d rather someone say “were breaking up” than “we need a break.” Breaks are stupid af. If I end up dating someone later on after breaking up- then okay. But I ain’t gonna wait around for someone to be ready to love me. I love me. People can love me. I think breaks are kinda disrespectful and they make me feel like they’re trying to find a better option- and if they don’t, I’m good enough. I’m more than good enough sooo. Yeah my past 2 relationships prior to now have suggested that and fuck. I lose a lot of respect real quick when I’m treated like that.

61: Who’s more important: Your partner or your family?Both. My family is my family. I love them so fucking much. My girlfriend, I consider family already tbh. She’s the closest person in my life besides them soo

62: How do you define “cheating”?Anything physical. Anything emotional. If they are just texting someone who they say is a friend then I’m good with it ? I’m all for telling friends they’re beautiful and loved. But if they talk/do anything with intention then it’s kinda a dif story. I’ve been cheated on a lot and it sucks so at this point I know the differences.

63: Is watching porn while being in a relationship inappropriate?No… I don’t think so.

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated?Lol okay so I kinda don’t like it bc one guy in 4th grade told me no one would ever love me (including family) and I cried a ton at school. That was a scarring moment for me. But I’m excited for it this year with my gf

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”?YessssssSssSs

#this took me forever sorry wow #thank you !#ask game answers

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