#like i didnt even need to spend money

[ghost-under-my-bed]

i’ve been putting together the gayest little outfits lately. waiting for a prettypretty person to walk up to me so we can compliment each other’s outfits and get married.

#i cleaned my closet and found so many clothes i didnt remember i had #i also cleaned my whole room slay #but do not let my productivity fool u #my mental health is worse than it ever has been tbh #but the clothes part is kinda embarrasing because like i have so many cool clothes i have thrifted that just got lost in the mess of #my closet #but it’s cool now because i feel like i have so many new clothes even tho all of them are old #like i didnt even need to spend money #and that is the best part #things

[inamagicalhallucination]

i know i say that atsushi likes to spend his extra cash on kyouka but i also dont think kyouka lives there for "free" like she could, atsushi wouldn't mind, but i feel like it makes more sense for her to contribute since its not like atsushi's rolling in cash

maybe atsushi wouald be hesitant at a 50-50 thing becuz she's so little and he cares so much about her but i dont believe its 0-100 ya know?

#like i feel like in fics there'll be throw away lines the author probably didnt over think about atsushi deciding not to eat becuz he spent #his last change on kyouka #i think kyouka would pull a 36th before she let her brother go hungry even for a moment if she had the money #which i mean she works a job so she probably gets paid #i feel like their financial burden is becuz they don't have anything ya know #like its different spending ur money on bills and food and shit vs having to buy furniture and get new things #like do u guys know how expensive a fucking mattress is #insane #what else #oh right its not becuz she would just let him spend all his money on her and be broke #and suffer #anyway i need u guys to put respect on kyouka's name and kyouka and atsushi's relationship

[queer-pagan-witch]

One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.

#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow #someone should kiss me #and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons #i love #im so drunk #i too drunk #i stated typing thos at 12:30 #imma smoke pot after i post this #if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags #i need to stop drinking by myself #if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes? #at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself #im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this #trans thought time #i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true #like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option #but is it the right option? #i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny #cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny #this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise #america sucks #capitalism sucks #love is such a bullshit thing #how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou #like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong #maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist #i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally #12:51 and i have one more short tag to add #i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh #but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you

[salsflore]

#cw rant #found out the reason my mom took my money is ‘cuz a tita staying with us needed like. a minimum of pocket money to leave the country #and she didn’t have that so. my mom took my money... she needed extra $20 usd i think and that wouldve been 150-200? depending on rates ig #it sucks to have money that i cant even spend because in my mind i'm like ahhh my mom will need my money later.. #she woke me up with how loud she was being at 1 am anyways. she couldve ASKED and i just asked her abt it #and she raised her voice at me and told me she’d pay me back. i’m glad my money was able to help someone but maybe ASK ME before you take #*all* of my money. ok maybe not all i have like 2 rm in my wallet but #i'm genuinely so irritated and i know what was apparently the equivalent of $60 might not be a lot to you but it was MY savings still...?!? #ueueue maybe i’m just viewing the situation immaturely in which case tell me but :/ i’m just miffed #couldnt even buy a drink (literally 10 rm) online bc i gave my brother all my small change.. ahhhh #💭 #my school tag thing had no money (we use it to buy food) and i didnt have anything in my physical wallet so i couldnt buy anything :| #i'd rather die than ask a friend... even if i did i wouldnt have the money to fucking pay them back anyways

[jonny-b-meowborn]

It's so wild to me to think that most people are just able to have jobs. Like, even if they don't like it, they're fully able to look for jobs, do interviews, and then actually do the job for years. How is that possible. I want to throw up even thinking about having a job. I imagine myself going to an interview and just, puking. Passing out, crying, possibly just not going at all. I don't know if that's even possible for me, I don't think my body and mind could handle that. It scares me so much. I don't want to live with my mom all my life. But I don't see myself ever having a job. I genuinely, 100% believe it would kill me in one way or another

#im a dog i shouldnt be forced to do all of that shit #im so scared all the time #i need to figure out a way to make enough money to survive without doing the things that humans do #i dont even believe himans were supposed to live like this. i hate that you have to spend so much of your time working just to survive #i didn't ask to be born. i love being alive but i didnt ask for it. why do i have to pay for that now #you know #bee buzz

[immamapletreekid]

instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral

#IT ALL STARTED...WITH CP9S INDEPENDENT REPORT #in the most predictable fashion. ive yet again fallen for the “dangerous murder bot villains are actually a found family and genuinely care #for one another“ #PLSSS THE WAY THEY ALL WORKED SO HARD TO EARN THE MONEY TO TREAT LUCCI #thinking so hard about how they are one collecfive unit. they move together they work travel live thrive together #giggled so hard at kaku giraffe slide #SOEAKING OF WHICH I JUST LEARNED KAKU IS THE YOUNGEST OUT OF CP9 #HE WAS 18 WHEN THEY PLANTED HIM AND THE OTHERS IN WATER 7 #im not ok im ripping my pillow to shreds punchjng the wall screaming shaking good GOD DJFJ #KALIFAS DAD WAS IN THE PREV GEN OF CP9????? SO SHES RRALLY BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL #thinking about lucci and jabra and blueno trio... #yes i originally was devastated to discover my favourite shipwrifjts were actually undercover government assassins but like #the found family.....maybe not found family but FORGED FAMILY THEY MADE IT WORK #i still think it's so silly that. kaku is the youngest but hes second ij terms od power and he speaks like an old man #in my ideal world cp9 brutally murders spandam and they live their best lives after doijg whatever #attention span for stats and cs??? nonexistent #but yea sure i can spend 2 hours memorizing the key detaisl from the wiki entries of all cp9 agents and making a chart and timeline #maybe this is a sign...that i need to fix this before it causes bigger issues #rambling about stuff #wait omg no last thought is how when all the cp9 members reunite after 5 years and firsg thing they do is immediately check their doriki #and jabras upset by how both lucci ajd kakus are higher than his now but then u think about how hes the oldest in their group #heck five years ago when they were sent off to water 7 those two were 23 and FUCKIJG 18 YEARS OLD #OF COURSE HES UPSET THESE TWO FUCKING KIDS ARE STRONGEE THAN HIM #who holds seniority over them. im actually devastated and extremely entertained #the last time u see the youngest of your group hes some 18 year old kid you could best in a spar. maybe even leave some words of wisdom for #then he goes and leanrs how to build ships for 5 years and comes back stronger than u #they are a family to me... HE COULD HAVE ABANDONED TJEM?!?! THEM ALL HAD THE CHOICE OF LEAVING THE OTHERS BEHIND TO SAVE THEMSELVES #BUT THEY DIDNT. HE STILL GAVE KALIFA HIS SHIRT AND CARRIED KAKU ON HIS BACK ALL THE WAY TO ST POPLAR #biting my hands hitting the wall scratchijg the floors screaming shakijg not normal about these guys #THE WAY JABRA HAS A PET CHICKEN TO COUJTER HATTORI

[malhare]

#THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND #I shouldn't be allowed to spend money (though to be fair quite a few of these were gifts) #At this rate I need a separate spot for my collection like some fans have #I literally didnt even intend to collect the little derpy ones it just HAPPENED. I just bought a FEW foxies now look at me #fnaf #malhare.txt

[icewindandboringhorror]

this is not the exact one I watched but I saw one of these "dish scape" things at someone's house who actually has TV (like they pay for dish/cable instead of just watching stuff online) and I think they're meant to be relaxing atmospheric stuff that you mostly ignore, but I sat there for 35 minutes watching absolutely engrossed.. further proof that I genuinely think my brain is incapable of experiencing boredom lol..

#IT'S BECAUSE there's so many little details that like you can spend minutes just scanning every corner of the image and taking it all in and #you keep finding new things! like 'oh I didn't know that blade of grass moved!' or 'I didnt see that bucket before!'. And then on top of #so many details - some things genuinely do change. The one I saw was a Beach house scene and sometimes a bird would fly by or ONE TIME kite #came out of nowhere. a sandcastle built and unbuilt itself. there's a firepit and it comes on when the sky changes from day to afternoon!! #this is like watching a sports game to me. I need weird detail oriented friends who will sit for 20 minutes staring at a barely moving pict #ure & cheer and clap with me when a seagull flies across the screen ghgj.. THERE HE IS!!!! etc!! and there's just so much to think about!! #Like how the images are layered or animated and the choices that were made (like I think the sunrise and sunset sky background images for t #e beachouse are just the same picture flipped and recolored) and trying to predict what's going to happen next (will the lights in the hous #turn off for night time? will another bird show up??) etc! I even got up at one point to walk close to the screen and get a better view of #hese paintings that were visible through the beachhouse windows. and then thinking about building a similar home in the sims! OR ALSO THIS #WOULD BE SUCH A COOL medium I think to tell a story! Like you upload a video to youtube that is framed just as a completely average moving #screensaver ambiance type of thing. It's like 7 hours long and mostly loops the same still image. However. over time at certain points you #can see some thing happen like watching characters interact through the windows. animals or people walk across the screen. certain elements #in the environment morph or change. etc. In such a way that an entire like plot is conveyed. maybe like fantasy mystery sort of thing. I WI #SH I could do this style of art / had friends who could or had money to pay somebody to. I would LOVE to collaborate on a weird surreal #It's Just Your Average Slowly Looping Moving Screensaver Video I Promise' type story.. jjhhgHH.. Or even just making one of these set in so #me of my fantasy world environments. not as a secret thing with easter eggs that tell a story but just literally an image like this tha #moves over time and etc. HHRRGRGHhhhhGG.. ANYWay!! I had to actually turn it off not because I was bored but because it was distracting me #. which is funny since again. I think for most people it's meant to be a 'just leave it on in the background' type of thing that's bland an #neutral . But it was just making me think too much ghjgh.. This is why I can't go to amusement parks or nightclubs bars or concerts like.. #a moving screensaver image is too overstimulating to my brain. Could you imagine me going to an environment just full of sensory informatio #like loud noises poeple talking flashing lights etc. etc. ? hghghb... Visiting a grocery store at a slightly busy hour is like my upper lim #it... Anyway.. everything is just so interesting to me. Even if I was locked in a room alone I would have plenty to think about & amu #se myself. I am also a hater definitely like I'm a very analytical person who is critical of society and systems & everything that exists #and even generally am just very opionated and have distinct preferences - so just because everything is INTERESTING does not mean I LIKE or #enjoy everything or never get tired of/annoyed by situations or ideas or etc. But it's more just like.. I literally dont think I could ever #be bored because of the way my brain works and also I approach life with elements of childlike whimsy and constant obsessive curiosity and #attention to detail. so as much as I am an analytical bore I also love everything and the world is fascinating at all times. lol.. duality #of man. if you get it then you get it. ANYWAY.. wanted to ramble abt it. I don't like the above video as much as the one I actually saw but #I couldn't find the beach one online.. BUt.. aaHH! best viewed whilst talking to yourself narrating/cheering! ALSO I want to make one!!!

[bunnyb34r]

Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either

Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.

Is it:

Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family

|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.

Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.

Long covid?

Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.

Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?

All of the above??

#marquilla #we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies... #so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be #i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean #everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also #got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you. #maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on #her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since #college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just #essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured #into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes #annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad) #you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise #anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up #$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too. #dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some #degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell. #so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after #and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

one day, im gonna sit down and write a poem about how after adopting a dog who spends 80% of his time sat in my lap, ive come to appreciate how difficult it is to do things without jostling him and how id never appreciated the gentleness of the stranger who had picked me up, held me and carried me home when i tore a chunk of flesh out of my leg at age 9 when i ran into barbed wire playing hide and seek tag, and how a man i didnt know had done everything he could not to jostle me as i clung to him, and just how difficult it must have been for him not to jostle me, and how he didnt need to be that gentle or to help me at all but when he was the first adult a different child could find and ask help from, he didnt hesitate to do everything he could, and how every time im trying to do anything without jostling archie, i think of him, and how anytime some piece of media tries to tell me that computers have figured out humans can only destroy, i cant take it seriously because with nothing to gain from it, he did everything he could to help a child who was hurting.

i just dont know how the fuck to put all of those feelings into coherent words because theres just so much feeling and emotion that goes into it, and because im always more critical of my work when its more optimistic or positive and how that definitely says something all by itself, but i still dont know how to word any of it.

#kai rambles #delete later #probably #im just feeling some feelings on this fine saturday afternoon #and i dont know how to word any of them #its so much easier to write painful things or sad things than happy things #at least for me #i also dont know how to separate it from the fact that none of it should have happened in the first place #because we shouldnt have been able to play there #residents had written to the council over and over again asking them to put a fence up because they knew it was dangerous #and that there was barbed fucking wire sticking out of the ground #and that kids were playing there #and the council never did because it was seen as a priority #and they didnt have the money #because they rarely ever have any money because we are one of the most impoverished boroughs in britain #and thats consistent #so it wasnt even that the council knew it was an accident waiting to happen and didnt do anything #it was that they couldnt rationalise spending the money on it without there being an accident because you know #some of our schools were not safe for kids to be in like on a hygeine level #and our water pipes broke seemingly every year so they were always fixing that and our roads needed doing #and a lot of our bridges are barely over the threshold of safe #so the council just couldnt afford to put a fence there until i ran into barbed wire and needed stitches #its so hard to separate all of that from the actual event because the wider context is just a damnation of capitalism and our government

[nomaishuttle]

uninstalled all the dating apps which ws like 8nof them . in the morning ill tell the guys i was talking to that i overestimared how ready i was and hopefully theyll understand andnjust drop it

#i dont feel stable enough for like . any relationship platonic or romantic andnit fucking..rly sucks bc i want to have friends but like #with what happened with daj the other day im like. i dont think i can be like . idk. ik daj said it was ok and she understood but im so #upset that i lashed iut abt that and i keep trying to get into therapy but i fucking..cant find one. at all #im trying to be more reasonable witj mymoney and i know like. i need therapy bc i Need to work this out and i am not able to work it out #with myself. i need to see a professional abt this . so ik it wouldnt be frivolous to spend money on a therapist if i cant find one in #network. bc the in network thrapists dont accept/dont specialize in working with patients with bpd which i like. thats..my issue. im almost #posiitive. ive done a lot of research and it matches up with like . all of my experiences #ik everybody feels unstable after a breakup buti genuinely like. i dont feel whole. and im looking back on how i treated myself and thiught #abt the relationship and its like. i stopped talking to all my friends i stopped talking to my family i literally dropped out of school i #moved across the country i dropped any interest that we didnt share i literally like. i gave up fucking everything and thats not. healthy. #and he never aksed me for that and its not fair of me to resent him for me doing that bc he nevrr asked me to #but i feel like. everytime i think abt him it feels like im being torn in half like . i put him on so incredibly high of a pedestal i #literally thought of him as perfect that was..recurring. and when i was upset with him i took it out on myself horrifically and thats not #normal . and jow thinking abt him literally physucally hurts bc theres still that part of me that thinks hes perfect and that im a mistake #and a failure and i didnt Be connor right. and then theres a part of me that . doesnt think of him that way #and its just like. aughhf. even outside that relationship im looking back on past friendships and how like..obsessive i get with them #and then when they 'betray' me i just. immediately turn on them and like. thats not normal.. #and my sense of identity is um. Well you guys have seen. you know. #ive looked into it a lot and i rly think i have it and im not like. 100% positive but i feel like even if i dont itd be good to work with a #therapist who Has experience with that. since the experience is so similar. yk. idk #i just feel insane and i feel like bod would make like. so much of my life and the way i act and the way i react to things like..it makes #sense when i look at it as if i have bpd. and if i dont it literally seems completely irrational and erratic like. IDK. so basically i need #a therapist who can work with that but none of the ones in network specialize in that and then i was researching and found out a lot of #therapists specifically Dont work with bpd patients and like. judge their peers who do for woriing with bod #which is 1. Actually disgusting 2. Straight up stupid 3. Terrifying. so i only want to work with a therapist whi explicitely says I #specialize and work with patients with bpd 👍 but i literally could only find 1 and theyre out of network and its 15p for visit and id #prefer to do weekly visits if possible but thats . 300 per paycheck for therapy . biweekly itd be better but thats still 150. and i have to #save up for the trip home and then the new apartment immediately after #and i have to get credit card . #and in an ideal world id hold off on the therapist until i get my new apartment so that i can fully focus on coping with myself and learnin

[justpostsyeet]

Any tips to feel better when you suddenly feel depressed and is holed up in your equally bare and depressing apartment with nowhere to go

#in today's episode of keeping up with op #yes this is a real problem #and why i can to tumblr for that #i dont know #i guess I've no friends outside tumblr #ask tumblr #help your girl out #im unable to do anything. i didnt even have strength to go to classes for 3 days. i love reading but now im missing 3 days of work & study #im feeling better a little but ive little food and no open shop right now #sorry for being depressing #tw depression #and chronic issues #no money at all #like ive spend money that i need to last for 5 months

[famewolf]

don't mind me, I'm just gonna barf from the anxiety of spending Lots of money lmao

got our car taken care of and turns out my headlight went out this morning so got that replaced too

they found a small amount of oil leaking from somewhere but it's gonna cost extra to get it checked out. which I absolutely am going to, booked an appointment for next Wednesday. plus our car is almost at 125k miles so it's time to get the spark plug and pvc pipe replaced. and like ... I could hold off on it but I'm trying to take care of this car so it lasts a long, long time. I don't wanna wait until those two things are broken and damaging the engine ya know?

anyways, with those tune ups & diagnosis it's gonna be like $750 wirifjwiwaaaa I've been saving all year knowing I'd have to get stuff replaced around 120k miles. and my vehicle is pretty cheap when it comes to general maintenance. like, I can acknowledge that I'm doing a Good thing by spending this money, but my brain is sending me into an anxiety spiral and I wanna throw up about it

#[static] #who even knows what the leak is the mechanic made it sound like it was minor but if something is damaged i would like to know #they didnt charge me for labor today which was really nice of them ... brought my total down by like ... $80 #just need to ramble to try and calm my animal brain #ive literally been saving money to take care of the car lmao like thats been my goal and for some reason now that i have to spend it #my brain is freaking out about it. like dude this is Literally the reason you have saved this money aaaaaaa #im also soooo tired rn so thats not helping sjdiwid i just get freaked out about money ... comes from being poor lol

[obsidiannebula]

Hard floors are a curse. They are never clean. The sweeping and mopping never ends. I can sweep every inch and by the time I put the broom away there will be more debris on the floor. I can ignore it a little if I wear socks so the grit doesn't touch my feet and drive me up a wall but then I get hot. I could do so much more with my life if the floors didn't constantly need to be swept

#i showed my husband a robot vacuum i wanted and he said we didnt need it #sir im not even sure thats for you to decide at this point #in fairness L is terrified of 1) things that move on their own and 2) vacuums #so like. i wouldnt be able to get much use out of it while shes awake #they are expensive and we are trying to save money rn #especially after our vacation which did cost us a chunk bc of the whole international travel thing #i just. ughhh im tired of sweeping #i actually like the act of sweeping! but i spend too much time doing it. in my opinion

[sanstropfremir]

jyp will stop making physical albums.. i wonder how this will play out esp since this is how companies/idols make the most money out of music 👁

wait fr????? they're probably still gonna charge full album prices lmao. tbh i'm of two minds on it bc yea jype groups have a problem with excess album buying, but also i think it's important that you are able to own hard copies of media? and kpop albums are often good art objects, so it is nice to be able to have physical copies of them? it also means that they're probably going to heavily downsize their design departments, bc they're no longer going to need as many ppl who do commercial design. which is disappointing.

#tbh i think this is more of a money thing than it is an environment thing #like paying designers costs money printing albums costs money etc etc etc. #theyre basically just trying to optimize spending the least while still charging the same prices #like realistically they should just provide both options #realistically realistically they need to stop incentivizing mass album buying on the whole but the system has already been gameified #and you cant un-gameify something #huh. didnt think it would be jype that would be the first big company to jump on this #tbh im not even sure its going to work but i guess we'll see #text #answers #kpop questions #this news vs key announcing the album details for gasoline are VHS AND FLOPPY DISK #we love a king who makes true collectibles!!! we love art objects!!!!!

[youaremysunshine-court]

There is no right or wrong there is only the way humans have always done things and the way humans are being forced to do things to feed an ever growing economy

#this reads like some fantasy we are the dragons slaves shit but its true #its literally so infuriating when i see girls on tiktok being like put mumbo fucking jumbo acid on your face for clear skin #NO #wash your face often eat a good diet stop starving yourself and you will see changes in you skin #you dont need a 40 minutes skincare routine anymore than you need to waste 2000 bucks on a face wash #for gods sake just use aloe vera #your ancestors did it for 1000s of years and didnt evolve to look like starving pencils #its just cheating you into hating yourself so youll waste money on useless products #like sure i understand wanting nice skin i love when my skin is soft #but you can achieve that with a blender and like... 3 cooking ingredience #IF IT AINT BROKE DONT FIX IT #yk? #its like that post about the toaster with settings for different kinds of bread #i can achieve the same effect with 5 minites a stove and a toasting fork #or this thing about replacing your phone every 10 months NO #STOP #do you know what youre doing to the environment #my dads been using the same phone for 6 years you do not need a new one annually its not a medical checkup #they even fucking stole hair care. just ask your grandma what she did for nice hair and shell say eggs or smth AND GUESS WHAT? they work! #eggs do wonders for your hair do not spend 800 bucks on shampoo thats 'just right' for waving curls or straight ringlets or whatever #its not worth it. #just dont.