#lija dubna vajat

[not-poignant]

Ok I hate her and I hated the whole situation, but this line «Maybe you could try and live a life where you don’t want to die anymore.» 😭😭😭😭😭 + I didn't know that I needed the image of baby ef playing piano with tiny hands until now, someone out there should draw this, like please?? 🥲

I like what Lija said in theory, but I think for many people who have been suicidal knows that hearing 'maybe you could try and live a life where you don't want to die anymore' leads to mostly feeling extremely demoralised.

I'm putting the rest of this under a read more, feel free to ignore the rest of this post anon!

"Like, geez thank you Lija for that brilliant insight, I didn't know until now I should be putting more effort into not wanting to die, like paying for all these twice weekly therapy sessions and working really hard just to stay afloat. I'll definitely try your toxic positivity though, I'm sure that was the one silver bullet that my healing was missing, simply trying to live a different live to the one I am now. That sounds easy and workable! If only I'd thought of this before. Say that to everyone, and you'll cure all their mental illnesses!"

This idea of like 'I'm going to give you permission to try something different so you can feel better :) ' is so condescending. At least for some of us? I'm sure for some folks who are suicidal, it's a line that might be comforting to them. But it's not really practical advice, and it puts the onus of effort and responsibility on someone who has broken under effort and responsibility.

And it also implies that Efnisien hasn't been pouring his guts out into trying to live that life in the first place, even though it's so incredibly exhausting for him, the fact that he 'tried so hard' in the first place is one of the reasons he also crashed so hard.

It's the kind of advice that makes Lija feel better to say, but actually kind of means nothing? I feel like she's going 'I'm someone who is angry at you but look, I will grant you my beneficence from on high and tell you that I think you can try not to die anymore. Doesn't that make you feel special?'

Like, maybe you have been suicidal anon (I hope not, but a lot of folks have, which sucks and I'm so sorry) and that's the kind of thing that would have made you feel better, in which case I'm really glad. It can be good to tell people specific lines that really help you, especially if they're lines that might come across to many other people like they're not going to be helpful. It's kind of like how telling one person 'it's going to be okay' will be the thing that makes them feel comforted, but telling another person that just makes them feel invalidated and like the person doesn't understand reality.

And! If the line makes you personally feel comforted, then that's all that matters. I'm thinking more about how that line would hit Efnisien, or me, but I'm not you - and if that was something that really helped, tell your trusted people that it's the kind of thing you like to hear in difficult situations. <3

But yeah I think in Efnisien's case, he was mostly just scared and wanting a nurse to save him, and unfortunately Lija is not equipped to handle this situation, which she did eventually realise!

Also yes! I'm glad we got another window into 'child Efnisien' outside of Efnisien's perspective of himself, which is so often really flawed. It really scuppers the idea of Efnisien as like, a charming child, but it also introduces the possibility that more than one person suspected child abuse, and no one did anything about it.

It takes a village to allow a monster.

#asks and answers #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales au #crielle ferch fnwy #efnisien ap wledig #lija dubna vajat #it's taken me like two hours to reply to this #because i'm in a very bad fibromyalgia flare #but like... yeah it's... a superficially comforting line for someone like efnisien #who has been trying hard to live pretty much to the point where #he needed a break from trying so hard #because he had no energy left #efnisien pushed himself too hard to other people's time tables #also the 'could you try just not wanting to die' #is like... #not a good look

[not-poignant]

Pia omg I loved the last chapter so much, I was definitely crying along with ef. I’m kind of wondering what Lija was hoping to get out of coming to see ef? It seemed a bit unprofessional/insensitive to come visit a potentially suicidal patient and then talk about a bunch of potential triggers like augus, crielle, gwyn? I get that she was like ‘I want to check on an old patient’ but seems like a bit of a conflict of interest when you’re also the mum of the guy who just punched him out. Seems like if your priority is making sure this guy doesn’t want to hurt your kids then you shouldn’t be seeing him in your capacity as a medical practitioner??

Oh man Lija was 100% unprofessional, inappropriate, and insensitive, and could easily be reported for her actions.

When Dr Gary finds out, he's going to rip her a new one. And he'll be right to do it. Efnisien literally sat there, cried, and wished a nurse would save him from what she was putting him through, until she badgered him into regressing so severely that he began treating her like Crielle. And we actually haven't seen him regress that severely since the night on the bridge.

She's basically put his life in danger again. I don't even think her main priority was 'checking on an old patient.' I think she was curious, and wanted to see the person who had made people close to her suffer, and had the power to do that. And I think she genuinely and mistakenly thought that saying something like 'I don't want you to die' would mean anything when she's also saying 'I'm so angry at you.'

Seems like if your priority is making sure this guy doesn’t want to hurt your kids then you shouldn’t be seeing him in your capacity as a medical practitioner??

Absolutely.

I honestly think Lija has believed what Gwyn and Augus and many of the others have believed, because all of her information mostly comes from Gwyn and Augus: That Efnisien couldn't possibly have really changed, and that even if he's feeling vulnerable and she doesn't want him to die, she still needs to make sure that he's not going to hurt her son or daughters (or Gwyn) again.

Even not knowing about those things being potential triggers and not understanding the complexity of Efnisien's trauma or inner landscape, she:

* Casually asserted ownership over Efnisien's body in a way that was callous and authoritative ('that's my work' not 'that's your body'). No wonder he was reminded of Crielle, who did the exact same thing. She basically made it seem like she owned a part of him. She doesn't.

* Interrogated him, and refused to stop when he began to cry, or get the nurse, even knowing he was in a psych ward for suicidal intent.

* Threatened him by saying she might come back, despite - at that point - finding it clear that he was being retraumatised.

* Went there as a protective mother who didn't really give a shit about Efnisien as a person.

* Used a 'tough love' approach which is profoundly inappropriate for most suicidal patients or people experiencing serious mental illness.

* Constantly seemed to assume that just saying 'I don't want you to die' while also constantly reminding him of his crimes would actually be helpful. That's some guilt-tripping right there.

* The absolute power trip of the words 'I saved your life' (and therefore you owe me some of your time now) and not 'I did your surgery with a team of competent people who I was absolutely dependent on.'

I could list more things, like the fact that she did that while Efnisien was incredibly vulnerable and medicated, for example, but that's a good start! Dr Gary will probably list the rest, lmao. He's going to be furious.

Like, yes, did she eventually realise she'd fucked up and back out of there and get a nurse? Absolutely. Thank god she's not a total asshole. But did she 100% do a completely unethical thing that there could be professional consequences for? Absolutely. She should never have been in that room.

You can absolutely bet that she lied to the nurses by saying: 'Oh he was my surgical patient 3 years ago and I saved his life and I just wanted to remind him that his life is worth living' and just casually forgot 'also he tortured my son and my son's boyfriend and was a threat around my daughters and my son is the one responsible for his worst physical injury right now.'

Bridge interrogating Efnisien was bad. Lija doing this was worse. He's not her patient anymore, she discharged him years ago. And her casually asserting authority over him and his fragile and vulnerable body to the point that he profoundly regresses, and then not leaving after that, is a cruel thing to do. Whether she did have some good intentions there actually doesn't really matter, she dropped a bomb in Efnisien's lap, and she left a nurse to deal with the aftermath.

#asks and answers #lija dubna vajat #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales au #efnisien ap wledig #it's been interesting reading the reactions #because it reminds me a lot of how everyone thought bridge was in the right #for aggressively and callously interrogating efnisien #until dr gary was like 'okay here are all the ways that this should never have happened to you' #this should never have happened to efnisien #it was an ethical disaster just from a professional standpoint #what if she'd wanted to get revenge? #like....she should NEVER have been there #definitely some hurt in among the comfort

[not-poignant]

Wow I would really really love to see a dr gary just ripping into Lija when he finds out about her visit. I know it probably wouldn’t work as part of ffs itself, but would you ever think of writing a one shot or something of the scene? I feel like dr gary would have to be very calm and controlled in front of ef but actually fuming and sometimes I just wanna see people get yelled at for bad mistakes.

I mean, Dr Gary does not yell. I don't even think he really yelled at Henton. He would be very calm and composed in front of Lija. I sometimes think cold anger is way more terrifying than hot anger, and Dr Gary's anger is a cold thing.

I also don't think Lija would really respond to being yelled at. This is a woman who has had people die on her operating table, and then had people yelling and screaming at her that she let their family member die, and who has had to learn how to cope with that and the guilt associated with that (even when she did nothing wrong and is still targeted). These characters aren't teenagers, they're not in their twenties, they're professionals who need to be able to stay calm and composed in very difficult situations.

Yelling would probably mean Dr Gary wasn't that good at his job (yelling escalates agitation and fear in other people, and any clinician who's prone to yelling is not going to do that well in volatile mental health spaces for very long at all). It's nice to imagine, but it isn't what I'd ever write for him.

I don't know if I would ever write it as a oneshot, though I can definitely understand why folks would find it appealing to kind of be a 'fly on the wall' in that situation! I certainly think he's not above implying that were Efnisien to press charges, her actions could have put her own son in danger re: jeopardising the case, due to it looking like she went there to threaten Efnisien into not talking. But he'd have a conversation with Lija. He wouldn't yell at her. I think if two people saw them talking, they'd think they were just two professionals talking.

But I'm 100% certain Dr Gary will get his point across, because Lija had already realised she'd made a mistake by the time she left, lol.

#asks and answers #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales au #dr gary konowalous #lija dubna vajat #honestly anon what you're imagining #since it seems to involve a lot more yelling and drama #seems WAY more satisfying than any oneshot i'd ever write lol #dr gary would be fuming #but people can be fuming and not yell #that is a choice people can make with their anger #and dr gary is a very collected and composed person #i actually can't imagine dr gary yelling at anyone for any reason #dr gary's always gone to cold anger anyway

[not-poignant]

Man I'm so angry about everything that Lija did and said but like, casually just being like "oh yea I kind of wondered if you were being abused but it was whatever" to Eff who was SO traumatized and conditioned that it's taken years to even somewhat accept that what he experienced was abuse. I'm just. I'm FUMING.

I genuinely can't wait, honestly, for Dr Gary to find out what happened, because he would also be fuming over the whole experience. And I think quite a few people are going to feel solidarity with his response! (Even though, as always, he's going to remain pretty calm and level around Efnisien, I think his outrage will be apparent).

Also I get that Lija might be feeling some guilt now, at what she witnessed while Efnisien was a young child, but that guilt in no way helps or assists Efnisien, and it glaringly didn't assist him back then either? It just makes him aware that there was potentially a group of influential people who had suspicions about his home life and none of them did a single thing?

Like...

That's such a horrible thing to both disclose to someone who is already vulnerable, and is also sadly just...one of those things that can be so damning. That was not a stand up moment for Lija. :/

#asks and answers #falling falling stars #fae tales #fae tales au #lija dubna vajat #efnisien ap wledig #dr gary konowalous #i really can't wait for efnisien to talk about ALL of it #he still hasn't told anyone ANYTHING like omg efnisien #please come on #administrator Gwyn wants this in the queue

[not-poignant]

Is Lija going to confront Augus about Efnisien or expose to Gwyn and the rest of the family that he broke Ef's cheekbone/was extremely dishonest about the confrontation? I can't see how she could without breaking HIPAA/whatever equivalent medical confidentiality exists in Australia or the nebulous setting of FFS, but given that she felt entitled to pull That Shit on Efnisien in a vulnerable state, would she even have that respect for his privacy? Would she reveal the attempt + hospitalisation?

Tbh yes, given Lija isn't Efnisien's physician or involved in his care at all (he was discharged from her care like 3.5 years prior), she probably is going to tell Augus about what he did to Efnisien's face. And Gwyn has absolutely already told Augus about the hospitalisation (Dr Gary says that he's revealed where Efnisien is to Gwyn), and possibly the break as well (I don't know how much Dr Gary disclosed to him, given Gwyn is Efnisien's official point of contact, he may have left that out though).

I doubt it will go much further for anyone to know that she has made that violation in the first place, to be honest. It's not like Augus is going to shout it from the rooftops that he broke someone's face and could go to jail for it. (Which doesn't make it okay, but I think Lija will believe she can keep that information in a closed circle).

#asks and answers #lija dubna vajat #fae tales #fae tales au #falling falling stars #efnisien ap wledig #i'm still waking up but yeah no #i don't see lija really being held back here #since she's not involved in efnisien's care at all #there's no doctor-patient relationship here in the same way that there would have been #3.5 years ago #i absolutely think she'd see it as more of a grey area #despite asserting ownership over his body

[not-poignant]

Ch 24/26 - The Spoils of the Spoiled (Fae Tales human AU)

Title: The Spoils of the Spoiled - 24 - Holiday

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Augus Each Uisge/Gwyn ap Nudd Characters: Augus Each Uisge, Gwyn ap Nudd, Kayla Grace, Ash Glashtyn, Gulvi Dubna Vajat     Warnings/Tags: This is a ‘creator chose not to use warnings’ because these characters are underage in some other countries but not my country, so it’s up to you if you want to read. Check out the first chapter if you want a run down on that. See the story for the rest of the tags!

Summary: Highschool is a trying time for pretty much everyone. But it definitely is when you're dealing with an abusive family at home, an eating disorder, championships, and the Prefect of the House of Ravens is trying to emotionally blackmail you into...well, anything he damn well wants. (An Augus and Gwyn story that needs absolutely no understanding of previous canon/content to read).

The Spoils of the Spoiled - 24 - Holiday

The glass door slid open and Lija leaned against the doorframe, and she was wearing Christmas earrings.

‘So…’ Augus said.

Lija’s eyes were deeply amused, even if her face looked serious.

‘So, as a surgeon…’ Augus said slowly, ‘can you get like, whatever this decorating thing is removed or something? Because it’s really- It’s…a lot.’

‘Do you want to help me?’

‘Noooo,’ Augus whispered.

‘I think you want to help me,’ Lija said, beckoning him over.

‘Don’t you have four hundred daughters to like-? Because, I had Gwyn’s case stuff today and I’m like, um-’ He swallowed and realised her tiny Christmas tree earrings were flashing. They were battery operated and were flashing. He didn’t think anyone wore those except for the retail people who were forced to wear them at gunpoint.

*

TWO CHAPTERS LEFT WHAT

Made possible by Patreon supporters!

#chapter update #fae tales #fae tales AU #spoils of the spoiled #gwyn ap nudd #augus each uisge #the spoils of the spoiled #this chapter made me cry a bit #it's filled with feels #the tags have been updated to reflect the fact that this story sometimes has fluff now #and sometimes the fluff is just as painful as the angst