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ndim-loh · 6 years

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Fathers day

Kungusuku lobaba... ngifikelwa usizi nokuthuthala okuyisimanga mangicabanga ngakho konke umyeni wami asedlule kukho ukuze ehlise inzondo ebigcwele inhliziyo yami uma ngicabanga ngegama elithi baba.

My earliest childhood memory of ubaba ngangimncane kakhulu, maybe 4 or 5, umama wayekhukelwe ubhuti wami. Ngath sasisepaki sidla uIcecream. I remember him. Engiqukula engiphonsa emoyeni, angiroundise emoyeni... I was happy. Ngikhumbula umama ethetha ethi angangixukuzi kakhulu ngoba ngizobuyisa konke ukudla engikudlile. I was happy. We were happy. Abazali bami babengashadile ke. Sasihlala ekhaya komama. Ubaba naye kwakungowasendaweni. Ngyakhumbula kwakuba nezikhathi la ayefika khona apake ekhoneni, siphume nomama siye emotweni yakhe. Kwesinye iskhathi umama mayehamba yedwa angangitsheli, ikakhulukazi sekukhona ubhuti wam omncane. Ugogo wayengakhombisi ukukujabulela ukuzwana kwabazali bami ngoba kwakuba namazwana nokukhuphuka kwemimoya mabekhuluma nomama njalo mayebuya kubaba. Babekhona nomalume noanti kodwa nabo babekhombisa ukungalu support loluthando.

Ngase ngiqalile ukufunda iskole when I saw my mother ene blue eye for the first time. Ngikhumbula ngoba umalume wayethetha kakhulu endlini, ekhuzwa kuthiwa bazombulala mayengazama ukulwa nabo. Ngangingazi ke ukuth obani okwakukhulunywa ngabo. It couldn't have been my perfect father. He had lots of shady friends but akukho engingakusho ngabo ngoba ngangibazela ekudeni bengomalume kimi. I was just a kid. Ngangazini ngezigebengu and gangs.

When umama eseqala ukusebenza sase sihlala kakhulu nogogo ngoba wayehamba ekuseni kakhulu abuye sekuhwalele. Ngaleso sikhathi ubaba sase singasamboni. Ngangike ngizwe izinkulumo zendoda esejele uma kunokuhilizisana phakathi kukamama noanti kodwa I knew it wasn't true, umama wayengitshelile ukuthi ubaba uyofuna amatoho anconywana eGoli. Wayezobuya asiphathele izinto ezimnandi. Nebala wabuya, noma zazingekho izinto ezimnandi ayesphathele zona kodwa wafika nezindaba ezimnandi zokuthi sesizohlala ndawonye emqashweni nomama nobhuti.

I was the happiest little girl in the world. Finally umama angeke alwe noAnti bebanga izinto ezincane njengopheka nokuwasha, niyazazike izinto esizibangayo masihlala emakhaya as females. Nami ngase ngizoqhoshela ocousin bami ngokuthi bengiye edrobheni nobaba. Ubaba wami wayesezo sithengela izinto ezimnandi namatoys. Ubaba wam wayezongisa epaki siyodlala. Ubaba wam this... ubaba wam that. There were so many things I was looking forward to, sengihlala nobaba wam engangizihalela mangizwa ezinye izingane zixoxa ngobaba bazo.

Ngikhumbula ugogo eselwa nomama ethi aziyindawo izingane. Akaqhubeke ayofeba le ekudeni nomgulukudu wakhe. 😢😢. Sase sikhala sinobhuti sime ngasemnyango kunomsindo endlini, ubaba wayeme ngaphandle kwegate ngemoto esilindile. Wayengavunyelwe ukungena ekhaya ngoba sasingahlawuliwe. Ngimkhumbula esiqhweba sinobhuti, saphuma sigijima siqonde emotweni, ocousin bangena endlini beyosiceba. Samane sangena emotweni wayishaya yazula imoto. Umama wasifica sesisemqashweni.

Umqasho kwakuwu 2room. Sasilala sonke espontshini on the floor, emva kwesikhathi waba khona umbhede, angikhumbuli nini kodwa thina sasiqhubeka nokulala espontshini uma kukhona ubaba. Ubhuti wayegadwa umastende emini mina ngiye eskoleni umama aye emsebenzini. Ubaba wayewumuntu onyamalalayo iskhathi eside kodwa ekhona endaweni aphinde abuye izinsukwana aphinde anyamalale. To be honest ngangingawazi umsebenzi ayewenza kodwa wayehlale ehamba ngemoto entsha uma ebuyile. Impilo iqhubeke even though it wasn't as perfect as I had imagined.

Ukubuya kukababa from izindlela zakhe kwahamba kwahamba kwangaba mnandi. Wayesehlale enephunga lotshwala. Kwakuke kube khona izikhathi la esitshela ukuthi siye emotweni basale bekhuluma baze bethethisana nomama endlini. Njalo mayesethi asibuyele endlini umama wayekhala kwesinye iskhathi evuvukele with bruises. Wayeyi yellowbone so kwakungafihleki. Umama wayesiduduza athi uwile noma ushaywe ikhabethe enganakile. But I was getting older. Nam ngase ngibona ukuthi kukhona okushaya amanzi. Kungani umama wayewa mayesele nobaba endlini. Lapho ngase nginqaba ukuya emotweni, nobhuti wayevele abambelele eziketini kumama akhale uma beke baqala bethethisana.

Ngikhumbula kunenye iFriday efika edakwe enya amaphepha ubaba ehamba nomunye umalume. Sasibuka iTV sekuhwalele. Wafika wayikhipha eplakini wayiqukula wayoyifaka ebhuthini yemoto. Sathi masikhuluma wasikhiphela emnyango watshela umalume ukuthi asibambe. Ngezwa kunomsindo endlini umama ethi ngeke amnike imali ayisebenzele kanzima. UMastende wayevele alunguze ngefastela ngemuva ku4room wakhe uma sekunomsindo azicimele ugesi wasekamereni. Kodwa ngalelanga wasibona sibanjwe indoda angayazi waphuma wasibiza, wasidedela lomalume mbumbulu sagijima sayongena endlini yakhe samtshela kwenzekani. Wasishiya ku4room wayokokoda emnyango wendlu esiqashe kuyo, wabuya wathi sizobuye siye kumama basakhuluma nobaba. Emva kweskhathi maybe an hour sizwe sekuduma imoto kababa. Sigxume siqhashe siyoma ngasemnyango. Nomastende asivulele sihambe sonke siye endlini kumama. Simfice elele embhedeni evela ngekhanda.

Sikhale simemeze simvuse mama!😢 mama!😢, ubhuti wayeseme phekombhede elele phekwakhe emnyikazisa ekhala efuna avuke. Nebala wavuka kodwa umbona nje ukuthi usezinhlungwini. Amehlo ayevuvukele womabili elinye lingavuleki nhlobo. Ubhuti aphenye izingubo emhaga ejabulela ukuth uyavuka 😢😢😢. Kwakungathi ukukhona obemdweda ngopende umzimba wonke. Imvimbo ebomvu, egreen, eblue, epurple. Wavele wacela amapanado. Umastende waphuthuma ukuyowalanda, wabuya wamnika wawaphuza namanzi. Nokuphakamisa isandla kwakunzima etubekile. Wambuza umastende ukuth ufuna ukuya eclinic yini, umama wanqaba. Wayengafuni nokuyizwa eyamaphoyisa. She was so ashamed, she couldn't hide it. I was so torn. As much as I didn't want to believe my father was a monster it was clear, right in front of me. Kubo lobo bumnyama base bsuku sabona kutheleka umalume (ubhuti kamama) wakhuluma nomastende emnyango sezwa sekuthiwa sigibele emotweni kamalume sayiswa kugogo. Ubhuti wayelokhu ekhale njalo efuna umama. Izimpahla zasemqashweni zabuyiswa ke ngeWeekend. Kwase kunamanye amaroom akhiwa umalume ngemuva kwagogo ngoba wayesesebenza. Izimpahla zamama zafakwa lapho. Nathi nomama sasilala ngemuva in her room.

Ngelinye ilanga umama simbone ehliswa imoto enobaba ngaphakathi ephethe oplastic abaningi. Sasidlala ngaphandle. Ubhuti agijime eyojabulela ubaba. Amuqukule amuphose emoyeni amunqake behleka. Ngihlangabeze uMa sinocousin simuphathise oplastic. She was beaming with pride ejabule umubona ebusweni. Kushiywe oplastic bokudla ekhishini ahambise oplastic bezimpahla ekamereni lakhe uMa, lapho ugogo uzithulele uyabuka. Siphumele phandle ngibone ubaba engiqhweba, ngizibe ngath angibonanga ngiqhubeke nokudlala. Ngizwe esengimemeza ngegama ngiqhubeke nokuziba kanti uMa useyaphuma naye uya kuye, angibuze ukuth angizwa yin ukuth ngyabizwa, angidonse neyngalo siphume siye kubaba. Asho ukuthi ubesikhumbule wara wara. Sigibele emotweni kuyiwe eytolo eynkulu khona around elokishini. Asithengele amasmoked beef nama tropica. Ubhuti wayesekotele kubaba engasanyakazi. Sibuyisweke ekhaya umama aphinde abuyele emotweni esephethe iskhwama sezimpahla. Iphinde iqhubeke impilo. Umama usenokulandwa imoto kababa ngamaweekend bahambe sisala sindlala phansi ekamereni lagogo sinobhuti. Nokudla wayekuthenga ke ubaba nezimpahla ezinhle esithengela sekuwulobaba engangimazi. Ngase ngila ko9 years iminyaka. Nami inhliziyo yase ixola. Kanti kukhulu kuseza

Ngobunye ubusuku umama athole icall sesilele, kwakuphakathi neviki. Umama avuke agqoke athi uyabuya. Ngilokhu ngiphaphama phakath nobusuku ngiqalaze lutho umama. Ngize ngizwe ngaye esengena neycabha ngeyntathakusa ehamba nqunu egcwele imivimbo umzimba wonke. Angene aqede akhiye ashode nangestulo enyango.Kubo lobo kubhuduzela ngizwe izwi likababa emnyango lithi yewena sfebe awuvule lomnyango. Awushaye umnyango kuze kube ngath uzowuwisa. Ngizwe sekukhuluma umalume ethi akahambe, bahilizisane ngamazwi aze ahambe ubaba. Izinyembezi zazizehlela kumama, ethukile engakwazi ngisho ukuziqinisa. Kwath noma sekukokoda umalume wathi uryt bazoxoxa ekseni.

Ngangingazi nokuthi ngizoqala ngaphi ngimubuze ukuthini kulesimo ayekuso, ngakhetha ukuthula. Ngangingakwazi nokukhala ngenxa yokuthukuthala engangikuzwa. Ngangizonda ubaba ngokushaya umama. Ngangizonda nomama ngokungambophisi. Ngibuye ngiziduduze ngokuthi sizothengelwa ubani izinto mayeseboshiwe. Kwaze kwakhala ialarm ngingalele. Ngavuka ngedwa ngaya eskoleni umama wangaya emsebenzini.Ngabuya eskoleni behleli bexoxa behleka nogogo ngath akwenzekanga lutho, nami ngazibukela ngoba ngangingafuni ukuphoxa. Kudlule amaviki ngibone umama eselethwa imoto ebomvu edimile. Wayengabonakali ongaphakathi. Nangama weekend iyamlanda lemoto. Njalo mayebuya wayenokuba nama bruises emzimbeni kodwa engenalutho ebsweni. Ubhuti ke wayehlala ebuza ngawo, aqambe amanga uMa athi ulimazwe ikhabethe, lokhu ayekusho kimi ngisamncane. Ngangivele ngizithulele. Ngibone sekumile ukuhamba kukaMa ngamaweekend ngijabule ngenhliziyo. Ngiyacabanga wayeseboshiwe futhi ubaba ngoba nokudla nezingubo wayesengakulethi until uDecember.

Umama kwase kunomunye owesilisa ayesezwana naye. Noma ngangingakaze ngimbone ngangibamba mabexoxa e4nini behlela ngokubonana etown noma betshelana o-I love you too. I was genuinely happy for my mother. Kuthi ngelinye ilanga sizidlalela phandle kume imoto ebomvu phamb kwegate. Kwakuyilemoto ebomvu eyayivame ukulanda uma ngamaweekend kudala. Ehlise ifastela ubhuti ophakathi athi ngibize umama. Izwi likababa nje lelo. Ngezwa amathumbu esontana esiswini. Ngangisazothi akekho kanti uzovela kuveranda ngaphambili. Aphume aye kuye. Nobhuti amlandele. Bangibize nami. Avule ngemuva akhiphe oplastic ethi ubaba izimpahla zethu zakhisimuzi. Noma ngangingamfuni ubaba kodwa I was happy ngokuthi asithengele izimpahla.

NoCousin babengakathengelwa nokuthengelwa. Inhliziyo yase ijahe ukuyobona ukuth ubabam ungithengeleni. Kube nokudazisana ke benoMa ethi akafuni ukuhamba naye ngalobo bsuku. Kuze kufika ekutheni uMa uyamtshela ukuthi useqhubekile yena nempilo akasamfuni. Wavele wadazula umama ngolabhabha wempama phamb kwethu wangihlwitha labo plastic engibaphethe wababuyisela emotweni. Ngezwa umama ethi usungaze uphuce iyngane zakho izinto obathengele zona. Ngabona ubaba ebheka kimi ethi yenina, fusegan la. Ngadonsa ubhuti owayesekhala sayongena ngegate. Mangiphenduka wayeseshova umama ngenkani emotweni. Ngiyamkhumbula uMa esethi noma ungangishaya kodwa oksalayo...

The next time I saw my mother she was in hospital exhunywe imishini namapayipi. Ubhuti wami akangeniswanga ngoba wayemncane kakhulu engavunyelwe. Waze wambona sesimbona okokugcina ebhokisini. Ngikhumbula ememeza efuna ukumvusa, ethi mamami vuka, why umama elele emini😢😢 kodwa kwase kungekho ayengakwenza. My father was arrested angazi for what, ngatshelwa ugogo sengikhulakhulile. The only prominent memory of him esele yingenkathi engiphuca izimpahla zikakhisimuzi, and later wangiphuca nomama. Now tell me how do I celebrate Fathers day when ubaba wami kunguye owangiphuca igugu lempilo yami. NeMothers day is always filled with bitterness ngenxa yalomuntu. Kodwa impilo iyakhubeka. I pray that 1 day I can learn to forgive him

The End

This is not my story but the events are based on a real True story engangisxoxelwa uroommate wami owakhuliswa ugogo wakhe. Ukuhlala in an abusive r/ship ngoba uthi wenzela izingane is not worth it. Kids can see more than lokhu ozitshela ukuthi azikuboni and that is more damaging than a portrait of a happy family ebonwa abangaphandle. Akekho ofisa ukubona umuntu amthandayo or worse umzali wakhe ehlukumezeka. HAPPY FATHERS DAY kobaba abaqotho.

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