#kaden russell x female!reader
Text
Past / Present / Future
Warnings: tw terminal illness; death of a loved one
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Chapter 10
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“Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.”
― Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses
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Your body convulses as you dry heave into the toilet bowl. The words keep ringing in your ears. “Treatment not effective.” Your breakfast is already swimming in the murky waters but you still feel physically sick. “Months at best.” That’s what she said.
Someone knocks on the toilet stall.
“Bee? You in there?”
“No.” You pause.
“This is the ladies room. You’re not supposed to come in here.”
“Yeah. I don’t care,” Kaden replies. “I’m worried about you. If it were the Queen’s bedroom, I’d still come in.”
You snort, knowing full well he would.
“Bee. Don’t make me break down the door, please. I’d hate to be on the news all over again.”
Damn the man. Why does he care so much?
You wipe your nose on your sleeve and unlock the bathroom stall.
“I give up. There’s no way to get rid of you…”
“No, there isn’t,” he confirms before you fall into his arms.
And Kaden catches you. He always will.
“She’s going to die,” you sob. “I thought there was more time.” Your voice climbs higher to a wailing noise. “I thought there was more time.”
“I know Bee. I know.”
What happens next is all blurry in your memory.
Kaden somehow gets you out of the bathroom and out of the hospital into the parking lot. You stumble through the snow, eyes teared up, the cold freezes your face until it hurts but he’s right beside you, keeps you steady.
The car door opens for you.
“I’m going to drive.”
“How’d you get the keys?”
“Out of your coat pocket just now, Bee.”
“Right. Right.”
You frantically wipe away tears from your eyes but they just keep coming.
“Here, sit down.” Kaden guides you into the passenger seat. “Take this,” he says and gives you a handkerchief. “We’ll go home and get you cleaned up. I’ll make you some tea. We’ll come back for visiting hours first thing this afternoon. We come back every minute of every day if you want. I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
Eventually, he runs out of words and you look up at him through the haze of tears. “Can I stay at your place?”
He nods, “Of course you can. Whatever you need, Bee.” Kaden leans down to kiss your brow.
“I love you.”
Just this morning he had cautiously kept these specific words to himself. Now he just blurts them out. As if that could ever be enough in a situation like this. As if he could spread the fact all over the hurt like a bandage. He knows it’s dumb. But he does – love you.
Through the pain, the tiniest smile fights its way to the corners of your mouth. “Idiot.”
“I guess I deserve that.”
“I love you, too,” you mumble. Your dark eyes seek his. “Please get me home now. I want you to hold me and to never let go.”
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At least you didn’t break down in front of your mother. Only once you’d left her room did you fully realize what the doctor had said.
Now you’re sitting in Kaden’s living room with a hot mug of tea in your frozen hands. You’re still shaking a little but just knowing someone’s going to go through this with you helps.
“What am I going to do now?” you say to no one specifically.
Kaden scoots a bit closer on the couch. “Spend time with her. Spend as much time with her as you can. At least that’s what I suggest.”
He gives you a worried look. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“I know. It’s okay. You don’t have to. You’re doing more than enough.”
You take a sip of tea and put the mug down on the table. Then you snuggle up in Kaden’s arms.
He clears his throat. “My offer still stands, you know. If you want me to – if you need me – I can stay here. I don’t have to go to this stupid world cup. I can stay here with you.”
“No. No, that wouldn’t be right,” you mumble. “I’d feel bad about that… Please. You gotta do what’s right for you.”
“Mhmmm,” he hums softly, pulling you closer. “I got training this afternoon. But I can bring you to the hospital and get you in the evening. That good?”
“You don’t have to.”
“No but I want to. I want to help. I’ll come get you in the evening and we’ll just order more take out or whatever. Watch a movie. Sleep. I don’t know. Just you and me.”
You nod. “That sounds nice. Yes. Let’s do that.”
For a moment there is silence between the two of you.
“Kaden?”
“Yes?”
“I already miss her.”
“I know, Bee.”
*
And this is how it’s going to be for the next four weeks. Kaden goes to training. He brings you to the hospital and fetches you after. You spend every night together. He’s your anchor in this storm of conflicting feelings.
Your mom seems strangely serene in contrast now that the verdict has been spoken by the doctors. It pains you to see her so sick. But you visit her nonetheless. Kaden is right. You want to spend as much time with her as possible. Even if it hurts sometimes.
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Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10
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Taglist: @chellestrash @yespolkadotkitty @ionlyjoinedforboydholbrook @songsformonkeys @chicken-nugget-puta @phoenixhalliwell @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @rosiefridayrogersunday @ruflirtingwithme
Please let me know if you want to be added to or taken off the taglist! :)
You can also read this fic on AO3.
#kaden russell#two/one#boyd holbrook#kaden#two one#kaden russell x female!reader#kaden russel x you#kaden russell x reader oc#past present future#my writing
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Past / Present / Future ~ Masterlist
Art by the amazing songsformonkeys
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Past/Present/Future
[Chapter One / words: 1197 / ]
[Chapter Two / words: 1697 / ]
[Chapter Three / words: 1318 / ]
[Chapter Four / words: 2774 / ]
[Chapter Five / words: 2332 / ]
[Chapter Six / words: 2577 / ]
[Chapter Seven / words: 2397 / ]
[Chapter Eight / words: 4316 / ]
[Chapter Nine / words: 1970 / ]
[Chapter Ten / words: 883 / ]
tbc ...
Warnings: Terminal Illness, Death, NSFW, Sex
Read on AO3 for better accessibility here.
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Prequels / Headcanons
Before / After: Prom [gifs / words: 164]
Song: cover of Elliott Smith's Thirteen by Lauren O'Connell
Anouk & Kaden Moodboard - Past
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Visuals
Kaden Russell gifs from Two / One
Kaden vibes (Boyd Holbrook gifs, photos)
Anouk vibes (Faceclaim for Anouk: Roseanne Supernault)
Art
Miscellaneous
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Music
Playlist on Spotify
Songs
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Text
Headcanons
Quotes
Textposts
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This is still a work in progress! :)
#kaden russell#boyd holbrook#two one#past present future#kaden russell x female!reader#two/one#kaden russell x female!oc#my writing#past present future masterlist#ppf masterlist
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Masterlist
Narcos
Javier x Narcos
Javi x female reader [short imagine / words: 458]
Javi x reader [smutty short / words: 202]
Javi x reader [soft, slightly spicy, death mention / words: 1015]
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Javi x Steve (Stavier)
High Maintenance [Finished work on AO3 / NSWF / for more warnings see tags on AO3 / current word count: 18,670]
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Border Lights [Ask inspired short / smutty / words: 548]
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No more Solo Action [Ask inspired short / smutty / words: 541]
[bits and pieces, brainstorming, gifs: #stavier]
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Steve Murphy x Reader
unmarried!Steve Murphy (Narcos) x female reader
[inferred sexual harassment, cunnilingus, sex / words: 3799]
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The Sandwich Chronicles
(unmarried!Steve Murphy (Narcos) x female reader)
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[ Welcome Back - part one of ? / words: 2552]
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[Hidden Treasure - part two of ? / words: 1511]
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[Dinner for Two - part three of ? / words: 3113]
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[Nightcap - part four of ? / words: 2703 / NSFW]
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[Bliss - part five of ? / words: 1628 / NSFW]
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[ Angel - part six of ? / words: 1447]
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
Two/One:
Kaden Russell x Reader (OC)
Past/Present/Future
[Chapter One / words: 1197 / tw: terminal illness]
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[Chapter Two / words: 1697 / tw: terminal illness]
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[Chapter Three / words: 1318 / tw: terminal illness; death]
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[Chapter Four / words: 2774 / tw: terminal illness; death]
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[Chapter Five / words: 2332 / tw: terminal illness; death]
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[Chapter Six / words: 2577 / tw: terminal illness; death]
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[Chapter Seven / words: 2397 / tw: terminal illness; death]
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[Chapter Eight / words: 4316 / tw: terminal illness; death]
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[Chapter Nine / words: 1970 / tw: terminal illness; death; nsfw; sex]
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[Chapter Ten / words: 883 / tw: terminal illness; death]
Prequels / Moodboards / verse Related writing
Before / After: Prom [gifs / words: 164]
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Masterlist (visuals, music, quotes, headcanons etc.)
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Fargo (Season 1):
Mr. Wrench x Mr. Numbers (Wrenchers)
Erstwhile
[Concluded Prequel to Fargo Season 1 / canon rewrite / NSWF / for more warnings see tags on AO3 / words: 59,405]
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Drabbles, Headcanons, Prompts etc.
Narcos: Javier x Steve (Stavier)
Lights Out: Omar Assarian x Patrick ‘Lights’ Leary
Fargo (FX): Mr. Numbers x Mr. Wrench
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You can find these fics and a few more on AO3 as well: ithinkwehitametaphor
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Writer’s Tag Game
Rules: Answer some or all of the questions below. Tag some of your writer friends. Enjoy!
Aw thank you for the tag @cheesybadgers !!😊😘
1. Link to your Masterlist: Here you go
2. Favorite and least favorite genres to write (angst/smut/fluff, etc.)
I love a good (un)healthy mix of angst/smut plus happy endings lol. Not a big fan of writing smut just for smut's sake. I like to read and write a little story around my sex scenes. 😁 I need a little build-up. :3
I don't like to write overly romantic, fluffy pieces. It's in the mix for me. :D
3. Favorite character to write for.
I don't know. I loved all the characters I've written for. I guess the one thing a character needs for me to be interesting is to be conflicted in some way, to be broken and damaged. I don't even mean that in a bad way. Everyone is imperfect and like to explore that.
That being said, I love my boy Steve Murphy. .D
4. Which one of your works is your favorite?
Of the older ones it is certainly my 60k piece for the Wrenchers fandom (Fargo series): Erstwhile
Of the short pieces I like me some Steve Murphy: Slow Dancing :3
A story with a deeper personal meaning would be Past/Present/Future (Kaden Russell x female!Reader/OC)
5. Which one of your works was more popular than you thought it would be?
To be honest, I didn't think anyone would read my Javier x Steve stuff. So I have to say High Maintenance. It started as a 100% self-indulgent project.
6. Which one of your works is less popular than you thought it would be?
The thing is, I expect all of my writing to be wildly unpopular. So every like means the story is more popular than I thought it would be. 😭
7. Which of your works was the hardest to write? Why?
Erstwhile because I had never written anything as long and complex before. I was motivated but it was a struggle to maintain a coherent narrative. I'm sure that this fic could use another round of edits, too, because in retrospect I can see how I found my writing voice as the story progressed. So I think the first and last chapter were made by a quite different writer.
8. What is your favorite fanfic by someone else?
I have to admit I am not nearly reading as much as I used to or want to. I am sorry. It's a time issue but also a very big self-confidence issue. So I mostly ready short pieces on tumblr.
Here are stories and writers whose works I have greatly enjoyed.
I'm nostalgically attached to the first Wrenchers fanfic I ever read: Steam and Satisfaction by @ladydorian
I have greatly enjoyed The Run In (Quinn McKenna x female!reader) by @ionlyjoinedforboydholbrook I think it's the heated dynamic between Quinn and reader that gets me every time. :D
I'm also a fan of this little Immortal!Pero Au by@yespolkadotkitty
Please also check out these awesome writers: @songsformonkeys @cheesybadgers @absurdthirst @holbrook-boyd
No pressure tags: everyone who wants to do this! Go wild! :3
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Challenge: List the WIPs you promised you'd update, and why you haven't yet
Thanks for the tag @cheesybadgers and @acourtofsnakes❤❤❤
There are only three real WIPs I have atm. I'm not counting the stuff that's exclusively going on in my head. :D
1. Past/Present/Future (Kaden Russell x female reader)
I am 1300 words into chapter 7! :D But it's going slow. Mostly I don't have time due to work and when I do have it, I'm trying to relax so the cycle can start all over again come Monday... I am generally a slow writer and I can only really write when I am in the mood, there is time and it's also best if I am alone. In other words, if you stress me irl I cannot write. T___T
2. The Sandwich Chronicles (unmarried Steve Murphy x female reader)
This is really more of an episodic thing now as the main plot (get together) is done. So I'd say it's half a WIP? I still have an idea for one more chapter. An outline exists and there are about 300 words written so far. I need to finish Past/Present/Future first before I can go on with this. Tbh that fic is most important to me atm and I fear I will lose drive if I do other projects first.
3. High Maintenence (Javier Peña x Steve Murphy, Narcos)
Technically, still a WIP. We left our two favorite DEA idiots after they finally confessed their feelings for each other in chapter 9.
There is, however, a chapter 10 (1200 words already written) in my WIP folder.
After I felt like the main issue (when will they admit to their feelings) was resolved I worked on WIPS 1 and 2 of this list to get a lil break. Heh. And now I first have to finish Pas/Present/Future first. :D Sorry.
To conclude this self-reflexive piece, here is a hopefully realistic plan for writing on my WIPs is this:
1. Completely finish P/P/F.
2. Finish chapter 10 of High Maintenance and leave it as potentially the last chapter with an option to one day come back to it and explore some more tropes. The fic can be read as a concluded story but will leave a few things open on purpose. :3
3. Write that last installment of The Sandwich Chronicles. I will then probably leave it a that then. But as this is episodic now it at least leaves an opportunity to come back to it whenever I want to without having readers suspended in forever unfinished fic limbo. :)
No pressure tagging: @yespolkadotkitty @holbrook-boyd @songsformonkeys @autumnleaves1991-blog @absurdthirst @claveldelaire and whoever wants to do this
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