#juupitrr talks

[juupitrr]

suitcases man / vent

my sister came back from uni and moved back into her and i's room - which for the past 4-ish years has been mostly just /my/ room with her bed still in it for when she came over on holidays or moving between the uni years - and that meant she brought all her stuff with her and I had to move my stuff to make space.

I didn't realize it also meant moving my clothes and where i put them; like the suitcase I keep under her bed specifically at the far left end of it placed so I can pull it out, zip it open and take out the only 3 items that are in that suitcase, my black skater skirt, those black ankle socks I brought to kosov and never wore so keep there just incase, and that one corset top that came a day late than when I needed it.

When my dad helped her put her suitcases under her bed, they initially had to take out /my/ suitcase to make space for it then when they realized they had extra space, put my suitcase back in. In the far right side of the bed.

When my dad left I immediately went to it and fixed it and corrected it and my sister was looking at me weirdly "you're acting kinda ocd" "this is very ocd of you" and it annoyed me a lot because it was only recently that I've been comfortable with saying I have ADHD and she knew this and I thought the suitcase thing was another me or ADHD or both thing, so her naming it as something else just. it annoyed me. because I thought I finally had a kind of guide as to what certain things were and why. then in comes this whole new term id never considered that i now have to give a guest room in my head cuz now its circling in my thoughts a little in the back of my mind.

idk man just like, knowing what kind of neurodivergent u are is so fucking tough sometimes man, like why cant it be like the sorting hat or smn and it just tells u

#just sick of this imposter syndrome im having with my adhd #like? im sick of second doubting everytime i gain a new level of confidence in my symptoms and self diagnosis. #i cant wait ~2 years for cahms to call me and say “hey u were right it IS adhd gj champ” and just let myself sit in puzzled confusion like #i KNOW it's not good to self diagnose without proper research #but ive tried. ive tried to do the research i can without becoming obsessed and self fulfilling and spiraling too much. #and i cant just sit back while ppl r like “you do this that this this and that. wtf r u.” #and i have to be like “idk i cant tell u bcs tiktok told me im hellspawn and ablist if i try find out” #nah fuck that #fuck ppl who try and have that mindset abt people who KNOW they have something and NEED to know because if they dont they will scream #bcs man i WANT TO SCREAM EVERY DAYY and i have a BIG OL HUNK abt what I have. #and its a FUCKING SUITCASE. ITS A SUITCASE. AND ITS A GIANT LAWN CHAIR WITH ALL MY CLOTHES ON IT. #because I cant put it in the boxes my mum got me or else i will have a panic attack because its not right and i will cry and bawl again #ok im done #vixen speaks #juup talks #juupitrr talks #vent #personal vent #adhd vent #sorry lol #btw i dont have anything against my sister. these are just my feelings.