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jessixalogan-blog · 6 years

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I'm Asking For An Absolution; Chapter One

Rating: T; for sprinkles of language

Characters: Jessica Logan, Wyatt Logan, Emma Whitmore, Lucy Preston

Relationships: WyJess, Garcy, possible Riya

Summary: "I know I've done nothing to deserve anything from you...but I'm begging you, please, help me."

Jessica's nails drummed on the desk. A satisfying noise that she could honestly listen to all day long. She was boring easily today, though. She huffed and looked at her watch. (12:56pm) Emma had been gone for 4 hours. Something has either gone wrong, or she has everything under complete control and is just making a show of everything. Jessica rolled her eyes, thinking of the last time Emma had done just that, and sighed. She was hungry, but there was nothing to eat here and she couldn't go get something. She was tired but she couldn't sleep, on account of Emma appointing her watch-dog.

Her hand that was drumming on the table, lowered to her swollen belly. The being inside reacted promptly to the sensation and gave Jessica a swift kick. "Woah, little dude." She yawned. "It's just me."

She grabbed her phone—yes, she was allowed her phone and basically free access to anything. Besides, Emma doesn't have to know about everything. Lazily and mindlessly, swiping her pattern to unlock it, she opened her camera and tried to record the baby reacting to her touch. Smiling as she caught two kicks, she stopped the video and sent it to her husband. In the message box below, she wrote, Four months.

She felt like crying, when she was done. (Hormones mostly.) She missed her husband dearly, and she so wanted him to be apart of her pregnancy and more importantly the child's life. She had no idea if he got her texts, if he looked at them. If they made him happy to see the development of his baby. Did he care care at all?

Surely he did. Surely. They way he looked at her in the alley, the way he sounded...surely he meant it. She tried to stay in touch—behind Emma's back, she'll have you know—but it was radio silence from him.

Four months later...

Jessica usually kept her distance from Emma. It's not that she didn't like her, it's just...Emma rubbed her the wrong way. Everything Wyatt told her about his Jessica and all the time they had spent together, made her question. Hell, that night in Chinatown made her question everything. (She couldn't do anything about it, though. And she wasn't about to risk the life of her unborn child.) So she just kept her distance, and came when called.

Earlier in this afternoon, Emma was pissed. And not "I Broke My Mom's Favourite Dish And Now I'm Grounded For Life" pissed but "I Crashed Dad's Truck Into A Tree and I'll Be Lucky If I Live Through The Night" pissed. Jessica's whole body tensed and her hands instinctively flew to her very pronounced, round belly.

"The bitch!" She yelled. She tugged at her hair, and honestly looked like a child. Jessica bit her lip. "And the...bastards."

Jessica didn't ask what happened. She never asked. She let Emma cool off and if she wanted to talk, Jessica would talk with her. (It was never anything personal. Always business—Rittenhouse—related.)

Tonight, Jessica was playing Beer Pong (because what else?) on her phone, on the crappy couch, when Emma finally spoke up. She sat across the room, at the desk. The computer screen lit up her face.

"You know, we can't keep it, right? We can't." It was an out of the blue statement that was said so nonchalantly. With no care—she didn't even look at Jess. "It was an accident."

Jessica's heart sped up. She had a feeling she knew what Emma was talking about, but for safe measure she asked, "Excuse me? What?"

Emma's eyes flickered to her but only for a nanosecond. "The baby," She clarified. "We can't keep it."

Jessica set aside her phone and tried to calm herself down, mentally. No, no, no, no. She sat up straighter, willed tears not to fall at the mere idea.

"What? Why?" She didn't exactly yell, but her voice was louder than before.

"Because, Jessica," Emma now turned to her. "I didn't really like you. But I kept you around because I could use the back up. You're a good asset and damn good with a gun. But now you've gotten yourself knocked up and are barely any help. When it arrives, you sure as hell won't be able to do anything."

Jessica couldn't even speak. Her heart jumped to her throat. (This stress wasn't good for the baby, she told herself. She needed to calm down.) She shook her head. "No, no." Louder again, "I figured we could raise it here—in Rittenhouse. Become an asset, an agent. I—"

"What is a newborn going to provide to Rittenhouse?"

"Well, obviously not as a newborn. He—or she—would have to be considerably older," She was speaking quickly. Her sentences blurred together. She tried to say anything and everything that would get this ridiculous notion out of her head. Rittenhouse, the baby could grow up in Rittenhouse. "But maybe in 13 years, it could be helpful—"

"That's 13 years, Jessica. I cannot wait that long. I don't have the time nor the patience."

Jessica was on the verge of tears but she wiped then away and shook her head once more. "No."

"Yes," Emma said. "That's what Rittenhouse is about—sacrifice. Sacrifice for the greater good. When was the last time you truly sacrificed something?"

"My husband!" That time she did yell and maybe one stray tear fell. "My husband."

"Please. Save the hormonal drama. The baby isn't staying. That's final."

Rather childishly, Jessica grabbed her phone and ran to the other room. Jessica cried herself to sleep and Emma felt a clench in the stomach. But she ignored it, as usual.

3 weeks later...

Newborn baby smell was amazing, it was almost indescribable. It was joy; Jess couldn't be happier. It was relief; she was no longer pregnant. It was bittersweet; she would no longer feel the baby moving inside of her but now she got to hold it. It was sadness; Emma was going to take it away.

Jessica was not prepared for this baby. No matter how much she wanted to be, how often she tried to leave, Emma didn't let her. "It's not staying, so you don't need anything," She would say.

Emma had left for a trip that she said she was going to be gone for longer than usual. The baby had come early. (Jessica delivered it herself. Scared witless but she had read enough that she was somewhat confident that she could do it.) Tears rolled freely. She couldn't give this baby up. She had tried to detach herself from it. Had stopped sending Wyatt updates, videos and pictures. But when the little thing screamed and took its first breath...it was overwhelming. She could never give up this child.

She cleaned the baby off best as she could, cleaned herself up and hobbled to her room. She grabbed her phone and, with shaky hands, punched in Wyatt's number. The baby fell asleep against her chest and a sob escaped her throat.

Wyatt didn't answer. He never did.

She looked around and made a quick decision.

Run.

She limped around, still very sore and tender—she really shouldn't be walking—she grabbed a basket and a towel, laid the baby inside the basket and grabbed the keys that Emma did not "hide".

She grabbed the basket and headed for the door. She didn't spare one look back as she hopped in the jet black vehicle. Before starting the car, she took the SIM card out of her phone and chucked it at the building—somewhat angrily. The phone was completely useless now except for the memories it held.

It scared the ever living crap out of Jessica to put her hour-old baby in a basket in the floorboard of the car. She drove fast and with purpose but carefully, glancing at the baby every 5 seconds. (It was sound asleep.)

It was hours before she made it where she wanted to be. Wyatt was right; she knew where the bunker was. And they hadn't moved. (She was a little surprised, honestly.)

She got out of the car and grabbed her baby and headed for the latch. She approached very, very carefully and warily, not wanting to get shot at. No one was guarding the latch.

(They were really confident in the idea that no one was going to find them, it would seem.)

She hadn't thought this through. The only way in...was down. Down a ladder. And she was 90% sure there could be an alarm that would go off the second she opened it. She didn't remember any when Wyatt had brought her, but a lot has changed.

(Another thought had just come to her, Wyatt could be gone. Back in time, trying to stop Emma... She internally panicked but kept her head.)

Deciding she could climb the ladder one-handed (she's done it before. Just not with a baby...), she set the basket down and opened the latch.

No alarms. She thanked whatever God was watching out for her today. She carefully took the baby out of the basket and held it close to her chest. With deep breaths, she started down.

Climbing a ladder. Something you shouldn't do three hours after giving birth. Jessica could scream. But she bit her tongue.

She made it to the bottom. She took five feet worth of steps—in agony—before she came face to face with Lucy.

Lucy's face was pure panic. She was about to run the other direction, scream, something to draw attention. But Jessica beat her.

"Please," Her voice came out hoarse and she was suddenly aware of how much of a Trainwreck she probably looked. "Please."

Lucy noticed the bundle in her arms. And closed her mouth. She shifted from one foot to the other. Her hair was half pulled up and she was wearing an oversized burgundy, turtleneck. If they weren't in this situation, Jessica would have smirked.

"I know I've done nothing to deserve anything from you," Jessica yelled at herself internally for sounding so weak. "but I'm begging you...help me. Please."

Lucy was very skeptical. And for good reason, Jessica would admit. She eyed Jessica up and down, noticed the slightly bent knees, and the spots of blood that were sporadic from her waist down. (Jessica had forgotten about that, but she didn't care.) Lucy concluded that she had indeed just given birth and was in no position to bring a fight. (Even if she tried, in Jessica's current state, The Team could beat her to anything.) Lucy nodded and beckoned Jessica to follow her.

#nbc timeless #jessica logan #wyatt logan #lucy preston #emma whitmore #timeless ff #jessica logan defense squad #yoyoyo fiiiiiiiic #jessica fic #finally some content on this blog #hahaha #this may have been a little rushed? maybe? ack

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orbemnews · 3 years

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Pandemic babies: New Midstate parents miss traditions, face changing guidelines during pregnancies Ontario has now joined 3 other provinces in prioritizing COVID-19 vaccinations for pregnant women. There were moments when being pregnant during the ongoing coronavirus pandemic was just plain awkward. Lockdown orders were issued about a month after Jessica Poe found out she and her husband, Justin, were expecting. The Lower Frankford Township couple saw few people outside of immediate family and close friends, and Jessica was only visible from the chest up in Zoom meetings with committees and co-workers, which presented a dilemma. Do you randomly announce at a meeting that you’re pregnant? Do you mention it in an email? “It’s something that naturally speaks for itself when you’re in person,” she said. The pandemic disrupted the common experiences of pregnancy. Baby showers were canceled or held virtually. Spouses weren’t allowed to attend doctor’s appointments. Changing guidelines added an air of uncertainty to an already anxious time. And some moms-to-be felt so alone. Christian Perry II, son of Nakia and Christian Perry, will celebrate his first birthday June 1. Submitted photo Changing guidelines “Everything just feels like a blur. This past year went so fast and so slow at the same time,” Nakia Perry said. Nakia and her husband, Christian, found they were expecting in early October 2019. The early, less frequent visits to the doctor proceeded as normal for the Lancaster couple. The lockdown began, though, as the frequency of the visits picked up. Christian could no longer allowed to go along, and Nakia could not use FaceTime for him to be there virtually or record video to watch later. By that time, Christian said he had been at the big appointments where parents hear the baby’s heartbeat and find out the gender. “It was the smaller, more frequent appointments that I wasn’t able to be part of,” he said. Jessica and Justin, too, had a mixed bag on doctor’s visits. “There were two or three that I was in the parking lot, waiting,” he said. “It was another half-hour of suspense.” Timing could mean the world during a pandemic pregnancy. For Jessica, the in-depth ultrasound normally scheduled at 20 weeks had to be delayed by two weeks. In that two weeks, the guidelines changed. At 20 weeks, Justin would not have been allowed to attend. At 22 weeks, he could. “I can’t imagine being in that one alone,” Jessica said. What the Poes experienced wasn’t unusual. Dr. Chavone Momon-Nelson, a Carlisle obstetrician and gynecologist, said that early in the pandemic only the patient could enter the office for visits. “At times that provided not a little bit of stress, but that was a lot of stress for patients,” she said. As the COVID case numbers dropped going into the summer, the office allowed one support person to enter the office for appointments, but that changed again when the fall surge of cases hit. At any given moment, the best Momon-Nelson could do was tell a patient what the guidelines were for both office visits and for delivery at the hospital at that time and warn them that the guidelines could change on a dime. “Most patients understood that,” she said. “Sometimes the significant others could not be at the appointments and sometimes they could be at the appointments.” The office incorporated telemedicine into the practice as part of their “creative scheduling” to reduce the number of people in the office, Momon-Nelson said. “That’s part of taking the lemons from COVID and making lemonade,” she said. “Telemedicine was something that was being used within health care, but with COVID-19 and this pandemic, it really pushed the envelope of how we could use telemedicine to our advantage.” The advent of telemedicine marked a difference between the first and second pregnancies for Carlisle’s Hilary Masland Comeau. In July, Hilary and her husband, Jared, found out they were expecting their second child and she immediately called the doctor to schedule her first appointment. With their first son, Walden who is now 2, that visit was in the office at around seven or eight weeks. This time, there was a Zoom call at eight weeks and an in-person visit at 10 weeks that seemed to Hilary to be longer than she remembered from the first pregnancy. “It was almost like a double appointment since they didn’t see me earlier on,” she said. From the start, Hilary went solo to the appointments. She said that might have been harder for some, but she expected to have some of them on her own anyway since her husband is a teacher. The hard ones were the “big appointments” like the 20-week ultrasound. “That one was more of a lonely appointment. Otherwise, it didn’t impact me too much,” she said. Henry Poe, son of Jessica and Justin Poe, was born only weeks before the fall surge that saw COVID-19 cases reach their highest levels during the pandemic. Tammie Gitt Missing traditions Being pregnant during COVID meant no special maternity photo shoots and no baby showers unless it was done virtually. Even the classes that are offered to soon-to-be parents were affected by the pandemic. The Perrys signed up for everything, including classes on CPR, breast feeding and labor procedure. The classes were replaced with links to information. “We were expecting to be able to bond with other young parents. As you can imagine, we were very nervous and this class was to put us at ease and provide the information that we were looking for, and it all got canceled,” Nakia said. Classes were also canceled for the Poes, but they were given a Zoom option. “It was nice that they adapted and offered that to us. Definitely different,” Jessica said. “I’m sure it would have been a different experience if we could have gone in person.” The couples were also cautious about their own exposure to COVID during pregnancy. When shopping for baby items, Jessica read reviews and ordered online rather than evaluating items in a store. Nakia said she and Christian basically went into isolation out of concerns that a bout with COVID would affect her lung capacity and, by extension, not give the baby the oxygen he needed. “We didn’t do all of the things that we thought would happen in our first normal pregnancy,” she said. “COVID was so new and everyone didn’t know how it was spreading at first. We just didn’t want to risk my health or the baby’s health because of it.” Hilary missed the human interactions from being pregnant in the workplace, like quick talks over coffee when people would acknowledge the baby bump. “I felt like I was kind of hiding in my house with the second,” she said. Hilary Masland Comeau, her husband, Jared, and son Walden welcomed Hugo in March. Submitted Support Local Journalism Your membership makes our reporting possible. featured_button_text Arrivals The ebbs and flows of the waves of the pandemic meant families couldn’t be sure what the rules at the hospital might be when the big day came. “What rules were in place in February might be different in March or April,” said Hilary, who was due in April. “It was hard to say what exactly I would be faced with.” Christian and Nakia welcomed their son, Christian, on June 1. At the time, the state began lifting lockdowns, but restrictions were still in place at Lancaster General Hospital. Nakia went through the first two and a half hours of labor by herself while the hospital ran tests, including a COVID test. “That’s not how I imagined the beginning of my delivery experience,” Nakia said. For Christian, the waiting was the hardest part. As a first-time dad, he said, your mind is racing anyway. You’re anxious and you don’t know exactly what’s going on — and you have to sit in the parking lot. “You’re driving as fast as you can to get to the hospital and then, once you get there, it’s a waiting game,” he said. “With everything that’s going on right now and I had to sit in my car and wait to be able to go in.” Once Christian came into the hospital, he had to stay until their son and Nakia were discharged. If he left, he would not have been allowed to return. The restrictions also prevented Nakia and Christian’s mothers from being in the hospital. Both women had multiple children, and Nakia hoped to have them in the room to watch for the warning signs of the complications that affect Black women during pregnancy. “I think I would have felt more at ease if our mothers who went through this were there,” she said. She wasn’t alone. Momon-Nelson also saw Black patients who were concerned that their support system would not be able to be at the hospital. Black women experience complications at a rate significantly higher than that of their white counterparts, including risk of death, postpartum hemorrhage, preeclampsia and preterm birth, Momon-Nelson said. “When we acknowledge that there is an issue, we acknowledge that Black women die from pregnancy-related complications three to four times that of white women. We look at Black women as a potential complication in itself,” she said. Michele Breneman, a NICU nurse at UPMC Harrisburg, said they did see some cases in which a baby was born to a mother who was positive for COVID. Protocols were set up to transport the newborn to the NICU through a closed system to prevent exposure to the rest of the hospital. In those cases, the mother was not allowed to see the baby for 10 days if she was not showing symptoms. If she was symptomatic, that time was extended to 20 days. In one case, the mother was in the ICU with a severe case of COVID, resulting in an emergency C-section. Doctors, respiratory therapists, NICU staff and other medical personnel came together to know exactly what they had to do to protect the child. “We really had to think outside the box to make sure we had the best care and safe care for the baby in that situation,” Breneman said. Parents of babies in the NICU were allowed to visit their children at anytime, provided they were not positive for COVID, she said. After her son, Hugo, was born on March 28, Hilary couldn’t wait to get out of the hospital. She wanted to introduce Hugo to his big brother and she missed the visits from family members that had broken up the day when she was in the hospital with her first son. Hilary and Jared asked to leave early, and were permitted to do so. “We rushed our time in the hospital because we didn’t have visitors. It made us feel like we were ready to leave early,” she said. Though visitors were allowed to drop off gifts for Nakia and Christian, they were not allowed to enter. “That was the biggest thing, just not being able to share that moment and have the visitors come that usually would have come,” Christian said. Jessica and Justin, however, welcomed the time alone with their newborn. “I didn’t think that was a negative thing,” Justin said. “We were able to have privacy and give full attention to the doctors and everything.” Momon-Nelson said it’s possible that the new normal in a post-COVID world will continue to limit visitors. “Having a whole bunch of people in and out of the hospital. Is that necessarily the best thing? Is that necessarily the best thing for Mom, baby and even Dad as they’re trying to really bond with their new baby?” she said. Jessica and Justin Poe pose with their son, Henry, who was born in October 2020. Submitted Looking ahead The new parents proceeded with caution after taking their newborns home. For Christian and Nakia that meant making sure his grandparents were masked when they came to visit. Jessica and Justin made sure to bundle up their son to take him outside for visits with family. Both families kept to themselves at a time when they might otherwise have been celebrating their new arrivals. Jessica saw the time as a bit of a break for a new mom. “The first month you’re just so overwhelmed with everything anyway so you’re not even thinking about going out,” she said. “It’s kind of nice that you don’t even have the pressure to do anything.” That isolation, though, has not been a positive for some new moms. Momon-Nelson has been concerned about rising issues with mental health among expectant and new mothers, especially post-partum. Quarantines and social distancing meant that the mothers or grandmothers who would have been there to help and provide support in those exhausting days could not be there. “A lot of patients were feeling a lot of stress and anxiety because with COVID it was the unknown,” she said. “With COVID, it wasn’t really sure who was going to be available to come to the hospital and who could be there and who could not be there.” Noting that vaccines are the “passport” to opening up, Momon-Nelson said the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology says women who are pregnant and breastfeeding are safe to get the COVID vaccine regardless of whether it’s the Moderna, Pfizer or Johnson & Johnson vaccine. A recent article in the New England Journal of Medicine included preliminary information from the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines showing there were no neonatal deaths as a result of the vaccinations. “Overall, these vaccines are safe in pregnancy. I wouldn’t necessarily say recommended, but they are safe,” she said. She said she spends time at every visit talking to her patients and answering their questions about the vaccine, and supporting their decision either way. “I want them to make a decision for their health based off of facts and not based off of fear or some conspiracy,” she said. Hilary, who was vaccinated while pregnant, is hoping Hugo is developing the antibodies first through the vaccine itself and now through breastfeeding. Other than that, she doesn’t hold any additional concerns for her second child in regards to the pandemic. “I’m probably concerned the same amount I was with my first child in that I want people just to be smart and wash their hands and follow those simple rules,” she said. With vaccinations on the rise and cases of COVID-19 declining, the families are venturing out. They’ve been going to parks, taking walks and slowly, cautiously introducing their little ones to the world. As with everything for these pandemic babies, timing is the difference-maker. Jessica and Justin are hoping the pandemic continues to subside through the summer to give them a chance at a first birthday party for Henry. Christian and Nakia were hoping for the same with Christian, but with only a few weeks until the big day, they don’t think it will happen this year. “In my mind, I thought that COVID would not have lasted this long. I’m sure a lot of people thought that,” she said. Nakia and Christian Perry sit with their son, Christian, who was born during the COVID-19 pandemic. submitted Email Tammie at [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter @TammieGitt. Sign up now to get the most recent coronavirus headlines and other important local and national news sent to your email inbox daily. Source link Orbem News #anatomy #Babies #changing #chavonemomon-nelson #coronavirus #Covid #Doctor #Face #full-longform #Guidelines #Health #health-care #hilarymaslandcomeau #hospital #immunology #jessicapoe #Justin #local-places #medical #Medicine #Midstate #nakiaperry #Pandemic #parents #Patient #personnel #physiology #pregnancies #Traditions

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