#its time to overshare when not a singular fucking soul asked for all this

[alastors-wife]

#its like 5am and i havent slept so u kno wat that means #its time to overshare when not a singular fucking soul asked for all this #anyway #i genuinely wonder a lot if 12 year old me was the closest to my real authentic self I've ever been #i was so... idk. vibrant?? energetic?? spontaneous and impulsive but not in a bad way?? #i was loud and confident and like yea i was fucked up and dealt with anxiety and trauma and whatnot bcuz. abuse does that to u #but i was... so much more than i am now. #like i was soooo much more outgoing than i am now and. i would be still if not for the fact I've been Intensely Traumatized LOL #i didn't feel the need to be ashamed and afraid of being gentle and kind #i wasn't... quite As obsessed with not showing weakness back then #and i didn't question whether or not that intense hotheaded energetic shit was fake and im just doing it because im weak and pathetic #it's.. me?? it's always been me. but it's taking so long to fully understand that lmao #I've spent so long being physically and mentally ripped apart and taught that every aspect of myself is pathetic and weak and fake #that i don't know what the ''real'' me is anymore #i could go further into this but i don't want to and like. who cares #im just so tired and i want that fiery vibrancy back. i want to be full of life like that again. i want to be a Lot like i used to be #but in a good way??? idk i was an interesting kid for sure #I'll be damned if i ever let anyone tell me who i am ever again. never. it's over. this shit ends NOW #if you think you have the right to determine who or what i am i can absolutely fucking guarantee you you don't know shit about me #and never truly will. if u knew a damn thing about me you wouldn't feel the need to push your own perception of me on me #whether it fits or not. that shit isn't my problem