#its so sad to think that they are wasting their youth and cant have friends cause some fans would harrass the people they love

[annavysoul]

I can confirm, they introduced themselves as 3 readers and they made a post how Bee is leaving and starting their own channel. They even made a post to support it and linked the blog, that's how I knew of the Bee drama. But yknow whatever. But they shouldn't demonize those poor future apouses lmao, it's not gonna be them, or any of us.

Warning very long, I got carried away my bad lol

But the drama on tumblr is kinda mild conpared to Youtube "readers". At least the readers here on tumblr try to hide the fact, that they're describing themselves very well but yoooooooo.... Youtube readers are a different breed. Most of them are super young (12-13, but there are a handful of readers old enough to fucking know better) and just straight up describe themselves with no shame. I even found some who put pics of themselves lmao. Me and my friends like to go through readings and bet, who is describing themselves as a spouse. There is one reader who has over 30+ vids on Mrs. J, and most readings are like over 20 mins long. How much is there to know about a person, that doesn't exist yet??? But most YT readers are obssessed with the fact, that Mrs. J is from India, what a coincidence that the reader is also from India lmao. I'm not saying BTS wouldn't ever date someone from that country, I'm saying it's impossible to get a specific country, age, height, religion etc from tarot cards. The pics on the cards might give you clues and the cards can say that the person is different from you, but they go into way too much detail. And it's funny because they're always soooo specific for Jungkook and V, but for the other ones....crickets🦗 On one hand it's so sad bc you have these little girls, putting out their private info, looks and secrets for the whole world to see (these vids have thousands of views) and they don't really grasp the consequences of their actions bc yknow, their just children. The internet never forgets. But on the other hand, you have these grown women who, like I said, should know better than these little girls. Not only do they get so defensive if you don't 100% allign with what they said, they are borderline so obsessed of the idea of being a spouse. Like tf??? Bts aren't Gods. They're very attractive celebs, who's purpose is to entertain people with their contents and music (hence the word idol & entertainer), while they do feed into that perfect bf material scheme, it's up to the fan to not actually develop real romantic feelings (a celeb crush and being a stan is something very different). Most are actually fans for very superficial reasons, they just find them attractive, not the music. And if you take the glitz and glamour of fame and money away, Bts are regular human beings, with flaws and issues. Like. The. Rest. Of. Us. They only show you the best side of them, because it's part of the whole idol package. We truly do not know these people, no matter how sincere or authentic they appear on camera. Like so so many were suprised that they wanted to disband a few years ago, bc they couldn't handle the pressure. These readers always believe if they meet/marry them, their life is going to be better and they feel alive again or smth. Most of these readers actually need therapy, I don't mean that in a condescending way. They imagine that their spouse, a celeb they've never met, will be their sole reason for their happiness and only then they are able to fix their issues and unhappiness. That reeks of co-dependency. And even if they'd become couple and be public, then what? A really big big chunk of Armys are actually in love with Bts, no matter if they even know tarot or not (Armys usually claim that only 2% of the fandom are delulus but that's definetly not true🥴). You'd get send d*eath threats, be harrassed, get doxxed, be hated for all eternity, even if you'd decided to break up. Look what happend with Jk and the tattoo artist he only hugged. She lost her job bc Armys were reporting her, some were trashing her workplace, she got threats, her friends got harassed and doxxed and she lost a friend (Jk). Not only that, but people would legit stalk you and try to hurt you, if you were a romatic partner of Bts. Then you also have the tarot side, who'd try to curse youa nd paint you as the evil demon, who is toxic to member xyz. And I don't think you'd want to spend your entire life locked in your house. And I personally could never deal with like millions of haters, no matter how hot my partner is.

Yoooo! i search again in yt and watch a couple of videos... these are kids for go sake🥺🥺 where are their parents and why they let them public private infoooo?!? internet and children isnt the best combination...

and yess, theres also grown up women and thats really creepy, u can understand that children might do that cause they are young, BUT WHEN U ARE OLD ENOUGH, U SHOULD ACT BETTER!! and i insist, they just trying to prove to themselves and to the world that they are worth it to be with a celebrity, like yeah of course u are worthy, like any of us, but this is not the way u know? its weird, i dont think its sane at all, they just are using the cards to feel better, and thats bs. and if it is just a cope mecanism, plz work on yourself, get help, life its better when u are in a healthy place

also its interesting about mrs being from india and most of all the videos i watch where from indian armys, tarot doesnt work like that, yeah u can feel the energy that its different, perhaps different culture and think that maybe it could be a foreing, but the cards will never tell you something that specific, less if u dont even know in person the people you are reading for

we dont know them at all, and people put them in a such high pedestal just for being famous and hot, so i really have trouble to think that some tarot readers can pick their real energy, im a very intuitive person, but i need to be in the presence of the person to feel their real energy, so to be so specific in a reading they need to energise the cards with the energy of the person, they need to at least shuffle the cards and connect with the reader, sooo thats why i only see these reads as enterteiment, and its bad for the community to claim that we can see ALL of about them.

i'll never forgive the people who threaten the tattoo artist, poor girl, and thats why the guys cant have healthiest relationship, let them have a LIFE

#bts tarot #bts astrology #bts future spouse #mrs jeon #its so sad to think that they are wasting their youth and cant have friends cause some fans would harrass the people they love #like im only one year young than jk and jeez #they work so hard just to have people harass them bc they claim to be their future spouses? #mom plz pick me up #at this ratio all of us will marry bts #call me mrs bts now 🥴 #no plz dont

[pepsicup]

Chaotic Commentary: We Have Always Lived In The Castle

Welcome to my thought process when I watch movies! 

The arrival of a cousin with ulterior motives threatens the claustrophobic and isolated world of two sisters and their uncle. (Oooof, bitch. I already know Sebastian is gonna look damn fine in this movie.)

Watched: April 22nd, 2021

Opening

Alrighty, right off the bat, the opening music giving me very much throwing it back at summer solstice 1531. Might fuck around and show some ankle, who knows

Um miss girl, first off all, i know damn well you aren't wearing a stark white shirt and capris shorts after labour day. And secondly, you gotta work on your self care babygirl, you are looking rough

Okay, so noted; there is clearly something off about this girl because i know when i personally rummage through family keepsakes, i don't have a hannibal look on my face

I don't know if you guys know this but your house...it needs a little 5 minute crafts, diy, extreme makeover: home edition treatment

Ohhhh baddie alert, baddie alert, baddie alert. That chick’s silhouette already got me acting up. Yes sink low to the ground girl, drop it down for me

Short monologue before being cut in half by that creepy ass stare, gotcha. I literally needed more nightmare fuel, thanks bestie

‘A change is coming, and nobody knows it’ how much more change can you get, your house is literally in shambles girl one battle at a time

First Act

Ah, here we are, title screen. Very cottagecore.

Timeskip: What did happen last tuesday, I must know...the suspense is suffocating

I’m not one to judge, but that record doesn’t sound like a life-coaching audio. 

Oh heyyy there's a kitty!

Yes hun, that is a working tap, your telekinesis is redundant. Eleven from stranger things eat your heart out.

Alexandra! Babyyy Daddario! Step on my face or domesticate me into a housewife, i beg of you. The uncle tho, he isn't it.

Chill out Mary, you’re just running errands. Why is she walking in a slow-mo naruto run like that. She is giving me a schizophrenic Napoleon Dynamite vibes.

Wait...is her name Meerkat?

Oh, its Merricat...nah i like mine better lmaooo.

Her inner monologue is making cackle because it sounds like a Gabbie Hanna original piece 💀

Okay what i got from the coffee shop scene was Stella is also a grade A baddie, I want to commit double homicide on those two douches, and i want to invite miss meerkat to my lunch table because awwww. She's just different leave her alone.

Wow, the village folk really know how to talk shit huh? Well, I can eat rats like all of them for every meal of the day, plus snackie snacks. Go fuck yourselves, thoroughly.

God that family needs to smoke some weed or something. Why do I feel like the sisters are about to kiss...and the uncle sounds like he means risky business. Very bad vibes here, back to you in the studio.

Ooooh, miss daddy really knows how to roll her tongue huh? Again, very much cottagecore ‘history says they were just really good friends’ aesthetic. And so many bops in this movie, kinda feel the need to throw it back or do the renegade.

Why do I feel like this next scene is just a posh episode of gossip gorl. Sipping tea and spewing nonsense. Rum cake? No thanks, babygirl. Oh but here comes uncle wanky, whisking away Lucille with his talk of arsenic.

Yes. Speak 8 course meal to me daddy...fuck, now I’m hungry. Okay the uncle isn’t so bad I guess, very poetic and philosophical. Yes, very nice. Sucks that he was roofied and turned to a professor X cosplay for solace, though.

Timeskip: Last Thursday huh? We are in for a rollercoaster folks.

*she glares in rhubarb pie and possibly shelved jam*

OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING, I SAW THE SIDE/BACK OF HIS HEAD AND MY HEART STOPPED. He has a very nice shaped head, yes, pleasing to the eye.

Hi sirrrr, I have a pocket full of horses, trojan and some of them used. Pls let me ride you in the little red corvette. Pick me, Charles, choose me, love me.

Real talk, I feel so bad for Mary Katherine (I literally almost typed Gallagher at the end lmaooo thanks molly shannon) she is obviously struggling with something and Constance looks like she is very traumatized. 

But I still think there’s something not right about Mary. Miss girl no one walks like that (thats a lie, it would probably be me after a night with Bucky barnes) and I love me a little witchy goodness. But not enough to start locking up my bedroom like it’s Area 51 and having secret rituals at my super exclusive, diy bohemian temple in the middle of the woods.

OH MY FUCKING GOD PLEASE SPARE ME FROM THE FEELING I JUST FELT IN THIS ROOM ON THIS VERY DAY IN APRIL, MAMA FUCKING MIA

when he stood up—bitch I’m gone, I’m his whore now. Sorry, I am owned by this man. Bye I was literally launched off earth for a moment there, kinda chillin’ in dead space, standby.

Okay I took a break for a moment. I’m cool, I’m collected, play button is a go. NOPE, GIRL MY MOUTH IS FOREVER OPEN, AND I DUNNO IF I WAS MY BODY TELLING ME TO KNEEL IN FRONT OF HIM OR WHAT—SOMEONE HOLD ME

Current state: I am hugging my knees and wasting away under my blankets. I paused and played and paused and played because I cant go more than 2 seconds of looking at him.

Okay, I’m all good.

All I keep saying is no...no ...NO, louder and louder every time he opens his mouth, ‘got a hug for your cousin?’ um not a cousin but yes, right bitch for that job present for attendance. Here ✋🏻

Girl I’d run like the wind, too, this kitty isn’t gonna dry itself, nyuuuooom, double time! Fall in, Rogers. Gotta keep up. 🏃🏻‍♀️

Timeskip: Last Friday night, yeah we dance on table tops and we took too many shots, I think I gave Charles a blo-oh-job, whoops—

Ah, see I knew there was something fruity about Charles, hopefully he kisses a boy in this. Would love to see that. 

Uh oh, the way he just pops that fruit into his mouth...I fine, I’m totally fine. Mentally I am... the way he chews if making my oral fixation quake

‘now that’s a handsome cat’ sir if you don’t—he wonders why he is such a fucking meme, this is why Sebastian. 

‘Jonassss’ which one of the brothers, tho? 

Ah yes, the best of friends; Meerkat, Frankie Jonas and a middle-aged Carter Baizen. Ugh mega sad that this is the closest I will get to see Charles pet a puthycat though.

Why don’t you slap my ass like a flapjack pancake, Charles. You won’t.

OMG so quirky 🤪when you steal his shirts 🥺🤪🥰

Who the is venice, Charles? Who, who, what are you, a fucking owl? WHO’S VENICE AND WHY IS SHE YOUR FAVOURITE?! sorry i had to get that out of my system, iconic cinema shall not be overlooked. 

all this commentary is fresh from my chicken breast brain by the way

All i heard out of that little inspirational, facebook-esque speech at the dinner table was was shoes. Also peep Frédéric Chopin banging in the background noise, a little Nocturne Op. 9 No. 2 to keep party goin’

Charles...that is your cousin.

It isn't a PHASE, Charles. Let him be emo over his dead brother and great tragedy of losing his legs then gaining the likeness of sir patrick stewart. Therefore, he will not forget.

Oh...i’ll sit down i guess. 

I COULD LITERALLY—...I could literally watch him eat for the rest of my life pls sir have murthy

Grocery boy...hmmm reminds me of a yee ole jingle i heard in my youth. What can i say, I’m a connoisseur of the classics my friends.

Sidenote: I’m getting vietnam flashbacks to singing ‘carol of the bells’ at the elementary christmas concert. I am overstimulated. And not in a good way.

Charles...do not add that newspaper clipping of your cousin to your personal spank bank, pls.

Timeskip: Last weekend, alright. What did we do; brewski’s with the boys? Hockey night in canada? one legged race? I’m dying to know...

Very nice form charles, you’ve almost dug right through the wood. A real mans-man here if we are being honest. I’ve never in whole life seen a construction crew do better than Charles Blackwood.

I could watch him do this all day.

Pearl necklace huh? Me too, girl.

‘I’m beginning to think, that my spells no longer work’ 8-year-old me, sitting in a bath full of salt and a charm bracelet of rock candy dissolving in the water after my fifth attempt to transform into a mermaid

Aw, but i would sit out there and eat a sandwich with Meerkat. Hell yeah, we can go halfsies on a BLT no problem 😢

oh...

oh no...Charles.

Here is my first sexual grievance, the way he carried that sack over his shoulder, mmm yes i have been fed most wonderful nutrients. BUT NEXT?! THE TWO FINGERS LINE AND THE FUCKING MOTION HE DID AND SAYING SHE WASN’T GOING DEEP ENOUGH PLS

what is with this man and gold...alright debutante Lance Tucker simmer down.

And the ‘hot’ thing, ‘needing a bath’? miss daddy is working it in for her cousin real hard, sweet home alabama all summer long

HEY LET'S ALL GO SWIMMING IN MY POOOL, AND BY POOL I MEAN BATHTUB, AND BY SWIMMING I MEAN SEXXXX--

Oh, so there’s this ominous whistling, nice, a blade kink, cool, and Charles serving body audi audi audi audi all the damn day. Hi sirrrrr. God i just love his chest, man. Its just so buff. He looks this good for what? And in front of his cousin...ew? um child, anyways so

the way my stomach clenched in the most uncomfortable way just shows that my body doesn't care about my comfort when it comes to thirsting and simping. He didnt have to look at her like that or fucking back her out

oh to be a chair...

esteemed audience member sac is a little tired of hearing cousin charles and cousin mary call each other cousin charles and cousin mary

Charles, eat your fruit and shut the fuck up. But also, hi sirrr.

I see you, Constance, I see you...tig ol’ bitties 👀

Timeskip: It’s Monday without the benefit of a sebastian stan, full frontal nude scene...smh

baby, just give up on the step and go fondle some plants please, i’m begging, stop at once. or, i spoke too soon?

If i have to hear sebastian say constance one more time i am going suck down all the arsenic i can find...he just says it so weird lmaoooo i hate it

Climax (make it happen, Charles 🙄)

Aw i love fruity, coffee shop, car men AU’s

that shot of him looking over his shoulder single handedly sent to into a spiral...what the fuck are you doing to me, Charles.

uh oh...one of the car men is madddd

OH OKAY WELL, WELL, FUCK ME, WELL

why dont you just come up behind her and literally growl in her ear what the fuck, Charles. I swear sebastian plays his characters just to make women go feral sometimes.

Sir! Sir! This IS A WENDY’S, SIR, THAT’S YOUR COUSIN--

NOT THE MILK CARTON

PLEASE I’M LITERALLY KILLING MYSELF LAUGHING, WHY IS HE DRINKING IT LIKE THATTTTT 

that little ‘aahh’ at the end when he drank it all got me, oh my fucking jesus. Hold on i need a minute, my stomach hurts from laughing my guts out.

Oooof but the eye-contact and the expressions are computing mega well to my chicken breast brain so fanfics will be written and sin will be committed so help me lord jesus on the cross almighty, amen (sorry i’m ex-catholic, its just my go-to)

pfffft that is so iconic, Mary is literally gathering sticks in the pitch black woods while Charles basically puts down his own wood for her sister to pick up on fjgrebgnuierijiojfd, i’m dying

why does he have to pull that poetic, sensitive stud act...just give us the goods charles, slap someone i’m begging you

This is like star wars all over again, they served head-on into on-coming incest traffic 

*holds up finger guns* sir, ma’am i’m gonna need you to put your hands behind your heads and get down on your knees exactly 8.92 feet apart, this is a citizen’s arrest 

but, i too would like to slow dance and make plans with him. Maybe we’ll go deep in the garden with two fingers on top of the rhubarb, maybe we will commit arson, who knows...

Meerkat continues to be my every mood, she really said:

Timeskip: Oh shit, its tuesday ya’ll, grab your party hats it’s about to get funky

Charles, if you don’t shut the fuck up and stop yelling out her name i will suffocate you between my thighs, electrocute your arm until it falls limp and shoot you with a grenade launcher, don’t make me do it

And yes, am i currently squirming in my seat because of the way he is smoking the pipe and hollowing his cheeks, what about it?

Second Act 

Yes baby girl! you trash that room like ozzy osbourne and tommy lee did to that motel on tour in 1982. Go, Meerkat, go!

Charles holding those sticks in both hands is the equivalent to a 1-year-old holding those little cocktail weenies, it has the same energy and i’m dying over it

Try to tell me it's not the same picture:

You can't.

Oh shit, its getting heated now. Mary’s in trouble.

Everything isn’t making sense at the same time its all coming together, i am confused, frightened, a little bit horny, but mostly just entirly overwhelmed. Mom...can you come pick me up, i’m scared.

Oh my god! knew it! i knew i knew the actor that plays the uncle, he's the creepy thin man from charlie's angels! Wowza, what a world.

Oh no...i’m flashing back to vietnam again, the fucking bells dude i’m tellin’ ya. There is so much going on, i feel everything but nothing at the same time, help...

NOOOO HER ARTSY BOHEMIAN WITCH COTTAGECORE JARS! THE OUTRAGE! SHE CANT CAST SPELLS ANYMORE, HER POWERS ARE LOST!

a CURSH! NOT A CURSH!

What in the criss angel mindfreak is going on in here on this day? Who are they? And why is the broad such a bitch...oh is she the mom? My bad. Pops seems nice though. Yes, indeed.

Awh, hiii frankie jonasss. 🥰

Oh here we go with the eating again. If i have to see him flex his jaw one more time i’m gonna go feral. And on the usual, loud and obnoxious noises like the ones he is making when he takes a bite, or chew or swallow food/a drink like the who fucking milk debacle. But he just makes it okay? Maybe its just my eating disorder bias coming into play but how can someone be sexy while eating, or smug? Like huh???

‘Why dont you like me?’ WHY DO YOU CARE CHARLES, GODDAMN IT

Is he playing the sad boi card reallyyy? You want someone to say thank you? Put yourself to good use then. I can think of a lot of ways you can use that mouth better than going on these strange mini-monolgues like some tortured writer with a kink for control...and breatheee

And she’s back with the Eleven telekinesis, sweet kat that is a meer you have running water! Pfft she is actually dressed like eleven too, like what. Oh wait did i just uncover the plot?

Breaking News: Eleven holds a whole town hostage.

Jesus with Charles eating, Mary getting the sudden urge commit arson, miss daddy looking so fucking fine that i would literally throw myself in front of a bus just to get her attention, and uncle X with his weird theatre act: my blood pressure must be through the roof

Wow hes got a temper, but poor connie, shes a hot mess lmaooo

Oh god...oh god okay this is happening, oh wow, you didn't even get through dinner first charles jesus. Listen, i never give choking up on the first date but if i had the chance...i don't want any sausages other than his, i said what i said

and it keeps going?? ummmmmm i ummmmmm, i don’t have words. I was not warned of this savagery and i don’t know if i’m going to be able to write for anyone other than Charles for a whillllleeee, hun, apologies

Good to know he also uses his super soldier senses in another universe to sense a fire deep in his loins like the dramatic king he is

Now he is driving away and laying on the horn, nice

Oh ho ho, yessssss my coffee shop baddie, my black coffee queeeeeennn Stelllaaaaa. She said, Superhero mode real quick.

ummmm uncle x with the sick mustache...thats certain death? I mean if you are into that sort of thing, have at it.

Okay still driving, people are crying over the bed burning into dust, the heavily disable man is still smoking the good stuff...got it.

Big red truck go Honk, Honk.

Oh here come all the old, white men. Lovely.

‘oh-hooo yeah, thats a fireeeee’ as far as old white men go, that was pretty fucking funny to me

Yeah its gonna be in the arms of the angels real soon if you girls dont get the fuck out????

‘We’re firemen’ and i’m a homo, you want a gingerbread cookie or something? put out the damn fire PLEASE 💀

Ummm you’re too late, i was already wet before you got that camera spray shot, dawg, oh but that poor camera guy lol

AND WEI’RE GOONA LETIT BÜRN BÜRN BÜRN BÜRN, everybody its a singalong

hi, yeah...fuck off, jim

NO YOU DUMB ASSHOLES YOU KNOCKED OVER STELLA MY COFFEE MAMA

charles, you greedy bastard i dont know if should be ashamed when i say that i would still let him top me quite violently even still

Wow this rave got out of hand really fast, i blame marilyn manson

another day, another professor X 😪🔫💀☠️🔥🔪 𝚛𝚒𝚙, 𝕗𝕝𝕪 𝕙𝕚𝕘𝕙, 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔟𝔢 𝔪𝔦𝔰𝔰𝔢𝔡

i swear to go if anything happens to either my coffee mama or baby miss daddy i will reign hellfire.

Oh so it takes a gunshot for Charles to do a 360 running man but not a jay gatsby meets canadian, hockey riot, emo rave. Gotcha. Hes a man with a code.

That’s what you get for hoeing after your cousin, constance. This is all your fault!

Ending

Timeskip: Ooohhh, yesturrrrdayyyy all my troubles seems so far away--

hunny that ain’t the moon, thats your super secret boho alter

Noooo the kitchennnn, that was my favourite room, other than the bathroom for obvious reasons, I hope the milk cartons are okay...👀

I guess meerkat isn't getting her num-nums, and charles is just going to have to live with charred fruit if he decides to come back

FRANKIE JONAS! THANK GOD!

Oohhere'ss the tea, it's about damn time! I called it! I knew ms variant mongoose was the one who did the fucky things! But i was shocked to find out that Mary was the favourite child over connie, hmm very much bad parenting

ooooh, knock knock, is it charlie-boy? oh, thats disappointing, its just that gossip chick and her husband, boooooo

Never again...never. We get it baby daddy. 

oh? another knock? HAHAHAHAHA ITS THE FIRE GUY LMAOOO, what a king. He reminds me of stan lee!

What aare these people doing, they aren't goddess you give offerings to so that your crops will be plentiful, fuck off man. ANOTHER KNOCK..

and i opp-- herreeeees charlie!

‘friends’ sir you were halfway in her pantaloons, stop trying to act all innocent, the fuck. Wow hes really going for it huh? 

did he just rip the chain off? Oh charles relax, its door, you don't need to moan like that.

Uhm, i love connie, so fuck you charles you twisted, manipulative burnt cornstalk of a human being. Oh yeah throw a hissy fit, that's real attractive, keep going, she’ll totally say yes.

Oh wait NO DON'T DO THAT, NO THAT'S A DOOR. And another door? NO GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BABY DADDY ALEXANDRA, SHES MINE. 

YOU LITTLE BITCH BOY, GET OFF! WTF!

:O 

*standing ovation* give it up for meer-to-the-kat, bravo kid! OH NO HES DEAd, YOU CAN STOP NOW

hahahaha guess whos deep in the garden now, Charles.

Ooh and we are back to start, nice. Children, she's a seasoned murder, might wanna chill on the whole bit you got going on.

Good, smile andddd scene!

Final Thoughts

Okie Dokie, I actually liked this movie a lot.

The acting was absolutely phenomenal, especially on Alexandra’s Daddario and Taissa Farmiga’s part, the characters were so well played. They focused in on so different points of view in this story that it captured the chaos that they were living individually and as a group under one roof. It constantly kept you on edge with the strange nuances in their dialogue, unnerving pauses and the progression of the condition of each character. 

It was great. The aesthetic was there, the small but necessary breaks with dark humour really kept the story flowing and most of all, the fervour. It was everywhere, in their emotions or outbursts like Charles at the dinner table and on the stairs, or the way the townspeople kept adding fuel to their own personal hell. And I must admit, it's hard to make characters like Jim the firefighter relevant, but every person that this story involves has a distinct purpose and significance to the plot.

The only negative thing I could think of was I just wish there was more, I wanted it to be longer so that the small gaps in the movie could have been powerful. Okay, what else. Yes, Charles Blackwood, despite all of...that, will make a great character for me to touch on and has a lot of interesting qualities that I will be sure to tap into. Oh! And the only reason why no one else is getting the stan award was that my coffee mama was the only character who wasn't off the rails or just a terrible waste of human life! We stan!

Hoped you enjoyed this and my questionable thought process, I’m gonna go now...bye lol

Overall Score: 8.5/10

🏆  Honorary Stan Award: Stella Ella Ola, Clap Clap Clap. Periodt.

#we have always lived in the castle #castle daddy #sac reviews

[ibelonginthepast]

okay I need your klance fic recs(i feel like you have really good taste)(i mean your icon is literally THE keith of course you have god tier taste)

okay so the thing is.. that when i say am kinda messed up and disgusting sometimes... and becoming a madwoman... am not over exaggerating or saying it in a funky way.. i actually am getting like that .. and that's how i got into the klance fandom initially. i project through lance and read really langsty fics.. and they are messed messed with like violent nsfw, gore, horror, serious mental health issues etc? so if u want those... i'll only send them if u want?

yeah tho i entered with this thingy that klance is gonna be like my guilty pleasure or some shit but them i inevitably fell in love with some GORGEOUS fanfictions out there and KEITH KOGANE in all shapes sizes genders and ages so lol...

but they aren't flowery. that's just not my taste. Some of them might be "problematic"? it's in quotes because i don't agree with it. it's not going to be problematic in plain ignorant sense like racial issues or blatant sexism or mental abuse.... but they might have like stuff which people dont always agree with like drugs. most of them would have nsfw it's just something that i need to have for feels and that's why i asked if u minded it. some things are like more subjective,, characterizations for example, cause like some people dont think keith is a skirt guy cause he isnt in fashion but i think he is petty and rebellious so he will defo do that? some of them would have like physical fights and stuff.. or keith and lance being mean to each other.. some ugly habits which aren't necessarily condemned like anger or drugs.? but with how i see it, it's not glorified, so i see them as human. i love the raw and ugly in these or idk its just human to me (but some people dont like which is completely valid cause we are all different from different environments and think different and resonate with different stuff.)

wait addition: i think some of them will have sexist themes? which i have complained about a lot before. i dont know why authors feel the need to somehow put women down to show how a mlm relationship without any women is superior or some shit it's annoying as fuck i hate it. i dont think i would have any especially sexist fics here, but there might be some with lowkey themes and bad handling of those issues. some of them mau have that subtext of disgusting heteronormative standards, but in subtext uk like bottom lance having a small waist and being giggly and all in contrast to big bulk keith.

here are some that i had bookmarked... but i may remember some more and then send them to u and or add them here...

a heads up.. i dont remember all of them very well. its been a while and i read fanfictions A LOT so yeah.. incase one slips up here which isnt very good am sorry dont judge me

the bold ones are the ones u should really check out if our taste is similar.

to begin with plain f l u f f,, my first klance bookmark was How Could I Say No? by Padfoots_Pawprint. tws for violence, bullying, injury BUT it's not actually gory or something like that it's just keith being keith and getting hurt and lance helping my boi like he should. it made me feeeeeeeel ksksk

this was one that kinda really touched me,, Wasted youth, Cryptids, and Waterboys by Baea THIS HAS EXPLICIT NSFW in it, the first chapter kicks off with it.. its a good fuck buddies to lovers in my opinion.. i love the writing style, the choice of how it's just a couple entries of random days in their lives. i love keith's characterization.. he is a hobo and a conspiracy nerd.. i love how down for him lance is, very dedicated. i love their growth.. i love how they help each other grow,, and it's so like real and usual day to day and human and down to earth idk how else to express it. this is INCOMPLETE. it's 12 chapters and discontinued as of now,, but it's not a deadly cliffhanger

similar in style and approach to the above. tho i think here is where it gets dubious. Easy, Tiger. by @/WhatTheBodyGraspsNot ... this is INCOMPLETE too and as of now discontinued. this has that sorta murky vibe with it's drug usage, them being teenagers in school and engaging in stuff like this, bad boy keith and all. this has nsfw too. i just remember really liking it and its very raw and unfiltered. tho it's incomplete it's not an open ending for now.

okay so i am restarting this but am upset as fuck that it all got deleted so i am gonna be lazy and not put as much effort as i did.

i have also Crowd Pleaser bookmarked by the same author,, this one's complete and it has some serious issues around gaslighting if i remember correctly... i really liked it then. keith is literally an angel here, i want to kidnap him and marry him literally. the s h w ee t e s t shit ,, and i like how lance gives him all the support and space to get his shit together

Drummer boy by klancekorner,, i think it's similar to the prev one, but lance's pov(which is what i prefer ngl). this authors fanfics are all just wholesome. i had put links to all their fics before, but imma now just say that u should go and check all their fics out. i have them all bookmarked, i must have seen something in them (can't remember what now tho and i cant be bothered to skim through them like last time *rolls eyes*)

War of hearts? idk why honestly, just ik keira has made me gay, and lesbian rejection angst? garrison? yes :) it's incomplete, conveniently left at the point where lance's heart is broken lol

Fuck buddies with benefits. THE NAME IS BAD I KNOW but i just love the idea of a dedicated mess of a keith and lance taking care of him. that's it that's the fic if i remember correctly. oh wait yeah u might think keith is not treating lance right, but i think it's fine if lance is treated a bit stupid. this is a bit too sex driven tho i dont like it but just SLEEPDEPRIVED KEITH TO TAKE CARE OF IMMA SIGN UP (ik this maybe coming off toxic but lol look at me)

Rambling: THIS WAS ME.

Last Defense: TW SUICIDE this is literally the langst i have for canon lance

I want something else: bad boy keith can break my limbs and cut my face and i will thank him

A thank you would be nice: keira damn

game-set-match: b a d b o y

I swear to go the devil made me do it: my typically fav trop, hardcore pining lance, literally perfect angsty keith. very similar to the top ones ig? idk also this one is one of my comparatively recent sane bookmarks so that's something. it starts off weird, u think it gon be subtly sexist but it turns out better so hold on

you've got me locked up: i think it's delinquent keith,, its floofy

Dad lance and tattoo artist keith: the name says it

damn while going through my bookmarks i realized that there are a lot of things i never bookmarked? i am pretty sure i loved a lot of long fanfictions, flower shop aus and tattoo artists shit wtf-

wait here's one, it's not complete: Blood jumps in the sun: it's very heavy has a lot of growth and kinda wholesome,, tags and summary will give u an idea what u getting in.

The lessons we learned: can't remember much other than florist keith, sad keith, smart keith, really long, pining

damn i think i have a lot of happy ones i didn't bookmark cause my brain was like u dont deserve the serotonin :( i'll add if i have more)

some actually angsty, detailed nsfw and messy (according to the way u interpret these) ones... lemoninagin.. they have some very detailed and explicit nsfw stuff but i am not there for it. some of it has the kind of angst i like? an actual one that i love and they recently posted and the reason am putting them here is infinitesimal. best friends to lovers and tho usually it's not my cup of tea.. it's a character study, an interpretation of klance in a modern world i dare say,, which is very similar to mine. the thing about them is that i like their characterization a lot, and in no love in this, i like what kind of background stories they give to klance in their aus. i haven't read many by them, so if u want u can check them out.

i just realized i have put some lowkey sad/fucked fics here... i did remove 5 rn... i hope its all good damn why am i doing this i feel like am putting myself naked out there when i recommend my favs

#dont reblog

[sirjustice5-blog]

even with shoes

When ya shoes, clothing half way, u return sprinkle grass or cereals and they became new even with utensils.

China thing with wingless drones, to bring out the bible reality and cement the fact of a city built on the hill “woe to it“, to remove the sad fact that bible was written

At-least God has spoken from massachuchieth rather Massachusetts states, Tamarind seeds, okaju, chwa treats Aids.

Saucer to mass, Big dough like the size of a theater arena inside inserted plastics and cold fanta soda pour and boom there it is bro. Images in the link below

https://www.google.com/search?q=space+aircraft+to+mass&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj9vvup1ufnAhUIxoUKHVZMDB0QsAR6BAgJEAE&biw=1280&bih=910

https://inhabitat.com/rolls-royce-unveils-prototype-for-worlds-fastest-electric-plane/

https://www.brandsouthafrica.com/investments-immigration/africa-gateway/8-african-cars-270116

https://www.google.com/search?q=ivory+cost+local+cars&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj_gqGH2OfnAhUMzYUKHR5ODFEQsAR6BAgHEAE&biw=1280&bih=910#imgrc=4W5w4Fsyvwt0tM

https://www.google.com/search?q=first+airplane+made+in+africa&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwj-26HC2efnAhUB2BoKHWo5BXgQsAR6BAgJEAE&biw=1280&bih=910#imgrc=DkLKlquR-GyWKM

Compare the songs in the link below, it has gotten into the bone of the cerebellum as brain and trains them to be at-least dirty, of helping hand and others as well ought to understand ya and shelter ya or comfort ya plight.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ek_epniP-eo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iqAkWhlnK4

CD as well placed in the dough cold water hurled and boom many while it can be made with euphobia placed in water and the above done. Cd placed in dough as well makes rolls roy jet above. Laraki car is pow pow place in dough and boom their it is.

Big shoulder and small waist like in the link below, If dat some1 partakes not a cold fluid like soda with bread even just 4 fan or their lunch or super or snack even if they did not know about the above, Malachi 4 to cement de trut

https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ALeKk03JUUQv-I6D0lJa9xE-xQK4zJiLSw:1582437054062&q=shapes+of+men+with+broad+shoulders&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjZjfKz_ebnAhXlSxUIHdwIDkMQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1024&bih=654#imgrc=ZDBzDrQyMzGRPM

In the below link if u do coiling of electric motor, alternator or step up transformer or welding machine with such cloths they dont burn up and can save big time dude, companies should resort on the below, even 4 pressure lamps, even with hospital bandages

https://www.google.com/search?sxsrf=ALeKk00wOZdEGp3PtYKe8BqgdR8q01NPXw:1582437107270&q=firefighting+cloths+images&tbm=isch&source=univ&client=firefox-b-d&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjX1aHN_ebnAhUbTxUIHfZ0DbMQsAR6BAgKEAE&biw=1024&bih=654

https://www.google.com/search?q=pressure+lamp+bulb+like+cloth&client=firefox-b-d&sxsrf=ALeKk01jZEofghtJmla2ghi5tUVe0SMItA:1582437222527&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=AyhpnZDL5rUdyM%253A%252Ch2SyeRl3Ii8PRM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kRq21FB-xFJHjnlsMqnvl-BucmWkQ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiytpyE_ubnAhXQTxUIHaW-AREQ9QEwAXoECAUQBw#imgrc=AyhpnZDL5rUdyM:

https://www.shutterstock.com/search/medical+bandage

Mango, raw or mbichi, Christ with beatitude, road to emaus, with little children to cement de truth bro. Not to mention any even wild milk producing leaves, branches, roots, trunks, cabbage, kale, pow pow, cassava can perform the tusk of Euphobia or dough in making gadgets or foods or other necessities used by man.

mcsleepynelson search dude

Vehicle link made in kenya below

https://africa-facts.org/6-cars-produced-in-africa-by-africans-for-africa/

The above kid, when he was being made was like the greatest sex. People whodont have great sex give birth to polite kids.No kidding dude, okna-ng'otho why lie bro, I did not fuck bro, sikutomba to bring a disturbing kid who wants goodie just from me, behave like he knows all yet youn, cant play like other kids. They will not stop saying u want their food or cash, yet its been years they see u eating without begging them so it hurts them, still they wanna send money to Tz with all the explained in other tumblr a/c like E-vehicle overtaking oil that tz got oil they will benefit cause the natives hate being employed and are lazy. Dude get it its wrong, change tactics, or let it be war, come out don’t call other fellows and let us fight to see the winner. U wretched and wicked wanting peoples food many people yet u u eat in darkness or seclusion. Big shame, I still say die, Mr Dennis go back to ya nation, don’t bring ya kids to people yet u still live good than them, anyway whats ya kid with kitten like ear lobes, a people who knows nothing but disturb, don’t waste my fxxxxxxxxxxxcking time, got people to see, places to go, not just with u or ya kid. Stop sickening character dude of even employing dat character to youth as its good because u r white, get back to ya nation. Many desperate get there make it and send money back home, why not u dude, stop being a drug baron and nuisance. HIM Wanting to grab ya manhood and food while reverse it, stop dude, stop monitoring what others are eating dude while u, u get money online, live ya life dude.

Movies should be taken to theater a new 1 to reduce Dstv menace, build many theater people to avert whats related to dish menace. Am eying to open 1 dude, why lie, dont let me die and once i got my cash u see me opening 1. Click the link below dude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixxQ8Zx2J0Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOT-EVjmEf8

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_movie_theater_chains

The dough taken with cold water, or bread or wheat products taken with cold passion soda explained above u take at your own time not in their vicinity. Can keep them at ya home and partake them at night, even when they annoy ya immediately u cant take it cause they will give ya names like strangling 1 but take it at night in ya own pleasure or free time dude to a shame the Spirit not mr devil as earlier perceived.

Earth crust is 16 km, the green-man dug it long time and left to planet Venus leaving Europe and America empty b4 the whites now in Europe went their to occupy the free left land just like now with going to mass, dude History repeats its self, they dug holes from below to the upper crust as atmosphere, then some they left opened and people know to date though structures have been constructed to hide them while others they dug a big hole again on top of that hole and hurled big rocks then marum to block them, to date people dont know there are holes there but structures as well on-top of them but the white men knows the bearing of those places and now the structures on top of them, so another reason as tourists come to check with other hidden local friends like hawkers if they have been identified or not cause countries as china, Taiwan deemed to be enemies can came like in Migosi Estate and get to the utter crust via them to attack other lands once they got electric-drones which dont use fuel which the white man never fathomed could be so its a threat all-together and china getting to the usa to investigate the same even on white-house land trump meeting dude. It the Gimmick china as E-Asia is using cheating usa they dont want kebi yet writing text to each other using kids to deliver. USA take heed bro, be warned of friends. They want ya to quit, with recent technological advances like E-bikes in Taiwan and other Asian tiger nations. Click the link below 4 more, china even got drones without wings, internal propellers to facilitate the same

https://www.google.com/search?q=passanger+e-drones+without+propelars+photos&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwiFttjopuXnAhVL0RoKHQ8KC68Q2-cCegQIABAA&oq=passanger+e-drones+without+propelars+photos&gs_l=img.3…8646.13170..14034…0.0..0.230.2411.0j6j6……0….1..gws-wiz-img._rMjWfZk1Lo&ei=uzFRXsXsCcuia4-UrPgK&bih=654&biw=1024&client=firefox-b-d

Mtastop haje hiyo character ya kusema mtu anataka chakula yako natena unamumonita kama ako na do, amanikuchizi. Shortly without pity or shame u talk to him good as u want from him,u think i will strungle myself 4get, sasa ni mawe, hebujaribu kunishow dhach, uone kama natowa macho, peleka mtoto wako mtukutu huku, kufa, die dont want my money then u revise it. Weka pesa kwa simu then show us the receipt that i beg u money. Jinga hii, shoga huyu, minataka vitu za bure, nenda kwenyu mwenye meno mbaya, kikuyu hii, ugly animal. Nyofridh, nyofridh, chieth, mime-enda wapi sasa, pesa sitawapatiya, kwenda huku na mboro ovya yenye wajaroga kama ya neli mimi abat

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Mit mal thel mal thep, thup, thep, mala kwa mala, okoweyo nyato cha chien donge amos says denanu rather delanu

aseyudo nyako manyiewo na gikmoko kana kwamba mimi ni misichana, yani kanene tawuotho kagima asoko piny in a haste to spirit molo cool ni mimi ni mtu mzima i should slow down dude. Awinjo kaka nyili winjoga gi machaligi omonegi gikmoko, eeeya wang!!

Euphorbia in water then Hyde placed make gadgets like shoes, mattress, hammer car, pencils etc. When newspaper placed makes even limousine like lincolin cars, xmas lights, tree, ballons and even flowers. As what u put in the dough process to give ya those gadgets i have explained on the mrfoolsir tumblr u replace them with Euphorbia method dude.

Euphobia placed in honey makes honey buns, chapaties, mandazi, cakes, tea, coffee, cocoa, cobblers glue, gum, belts, tv and even shoes and jacket.

Placed in milk u come up with long life milk products, meat, kales, tomato, onions, fruits, cloths, cassava, soup like indomie, flour either wheat or millet, groundnuts, potatoes, milk shake, ghee, yorghurt or ice cream dude. Why go the long way if ya nation got no wheat 4 dough or rye. When the child belly is full then we start joking with the kid buying them just snacks not hiding from responsibility and heaping it on others while they got theirs. Child love starts from there dude.

Dont signal me by side, still it will land u in hell, the question being “why did you not write even in the local flights where no 1 could see on their eye what u r thinking then give it to the fellow. Folks please do that if at dat time you got the cash to board 1.‘

Nimimi ndimi nilikuwa kwa jela, nikasema wengi wanataka kujiuwa juu hawana cahakula mimi unamonitor pesa zangu kwa scrap dealer hapo tu-mtaani na inawachoma. Wacha kuona njaa bwana, peter, dedan hautashika mboloya mtu kwani wewe ni nani. Shoga hii, lazy braggart, okal hizo miguu zako za masquito utajuta, shoga hii, kwenda huko, mwenye njaa, wacha post election etoke, utaona, jinga hii, kuletea watu watoto, bure kabisa, bloodifool. Tho! Wa-eki, have never borrowed u money dude, kwenda ukufe huko, maybe mtu amebadilika mimi but mimi i dont remember, fake huyu, kwenda huko.

Around 180 tumblr a/c, 90 % mine i have open 10 % others following me            Which 1 do u wanna get to and delete forever or do away with or permanently and i wrote the email more than 32 character which u can open up in gmail cause gmail takes only less than 32 while password i guessed by just pressing randomly numbers and letters in know not at the sign up time. Stop many words, try dude, got a deaf ear, answer me dude or is it hunger, u wanna eat in my house, so, kinda, a gimmick dude? Everyday on those a/cs i used to open 1 everyday b4 i follow the former a/c on the opened 1, me as well cant get back to them but i can still read whats inside cause i followed them. Simple explanation dat if u cant fathom then u r deemed insane, or growing nuts.

When a car like the new prado got different headlight or the rear 1 in many different forms then it reduces the envy of that car like in the link below

https://www.pinterest.com/y0900/car-headlights/

Helicopter where u can stop propeller just like with the car braking system so that incase of default u just get down on parachute not fearing the propeller will cut ya and remote controlled as well so u control it in a wireless manner on ya parachute so it lands safely.

Some cars like new prado swell like annoyed, they don’t like bad figure structures and hooligans on it, it love well understanding people dude who are intuitive and innovative, even with old Mercedes which love serene environment with few people, kinda, u see it sad, got spirit dude, hate people who are bogged into tradition loves open fellows even some many cars like infinity, they bring the spirit of violence around dude, no kidding fellows.

If u partake mbichi fruits as raw with cold water, u see 1 who hates ya in a coffin, it kills dramatically bro, no lies dude, Christ with little children and road to emaus with Jesus as well as beatitudes. Another reason arrested showing the enemy on how to kill the oppressor via these insane tricks dude.

Made kales if u eat without eating a piece raw or looking outside besides ya this way or that way after not long cracks ya incisor teeth with ya or if one u belittle without cause partakes such

Mango, orange juice with cakes cut holes on ya forebrain, Malachi 4 to cement reality. Apple juice attracts panga accident where 1 risks his hand being cut if 1 he belittles without course partakes such. Pineapple juice does the same with orange juice or with mango juice with bread where ya forehead get big bringing it outside dude.

Mango, avocado if u partake with water as well cracks your hater teeth, even with raw pawpaw.

The women who got Burma blooded plotting death in conjunction with the same men on young men they want by force size of their kids, normally they carry basket, kikapu on their hands, wanting free things without course, king of the Jew and women with Barabbas to cement de truth. Their time of reckoning is coming when a coin is placed on the palm of the hand to see the wish if the cut 1 down, likewise will be done to them dude, we have now known their network dude.

I saw 1 walking like Samson the robust, the Lord spirit around him. He was sukuma, argentina blooded, he was brought to finish the jew but did it unwisely, they will never get it until u come up with the same ammunition they got and u did not have to finish them, don’t get into deals with them. The Fredrick Luggard who met masai and killed koitalel was signaling many of their character, don’t do likewise bro lest ya fail got spirit, don’t join the ugly lest they cut ya or the bad. To cement de fact the jew are bad people period wanting their own progress not 4 others. Time to finish them aint tomorrow but right now dude and its ripe.

[gotatext]

PREFERRED NAME — nora. i think i started going by it in like, 2009?? my full name is eleanor but i hated it n thought it was way too pretentious n i never felt like it fitted me so when i started writing on forums i decided i’d be a nora rather than eleanor and then my school friends called me it and it just kinda stuck, the only person who calls me eleanor is my mum

PRONOUNS — she / her / ethereal being beyond comprehension

AGE — 23 but i tell everyone im 21 because even tho time is literally fake im desperately clinging to that fleeting thing we call youth trying to catch it like smoke in my hands

PINTEREST — i actually have two. this one is my main one where i just cram all my shit n i’ve had it for years and some of its super unorganised. then i also have this one which is one i made for exclusively female characters. it started as mythological figures but now its like, women in literature and the occasional oc as well. variety is the spice of life!

DISCORD — lindsay lohan’s meth#8664

TUMBLR (PERSONAL/MUSE/RPH) — i used to be froseths but now im pvrscphones cos ya gal is a fucking whore for mythology 

OTHER SOCIAL MEDIA YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE — oi oi guvna ere’s me twitta. also here’s my letterboxd n my goodreads if anyone still uses tht

MYER-BRIGGS — enfp / infp border .... the classic profile of a lit student

HP HOUSE — hufflepuff, am fuckin mad. 

ZODIAC — libra which is a joke because i am in no way balanced but i guess i AM indecisive and a peacekeeper so?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY? — i believe it when it says good shits gonna happen in my life and blame it if bad shit happens but i don’t strongly follow it i just find it interesting

HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU STARTED RPING ON TUMBLR — maybe like 14?? my first rp blog here is literally so embarassing i wrote as clove from the hunger games n my best friend irl wrote cato :/ it was wild

WHAT YEAR WAS IT? — like 9 years ago?? 2010 maybs

NAME A RANDOM ROLEPLAY THAT STICKS OUT IN YOUR MEMORY — me n my friend ellie made this really cool group the summer before we left for uni which was loosely based on a concept mentioned mayb once in the divergent series, but it gave us loads of freedom to make it our own thing. it was called the fringe n it was like..... this dystopian society where people with different genes were cut off from the rest of society n lived in overrun slum cities where different groups had like, a monopoly over weapons, produce, etc.... my character jack was the leader of this lost-boy-esque tribe called the wolf pack who were hunters n used to run across the rooftops wearing the skins of animals they’d killed and engage in tribal rituals with sacrifices to the gods n shit. sounds lame but everyone there was so invested in their character arcs that it was a shame to see it go. but ! it kind of reached its end point so we blew it up w nukes n they all died. tragic.

WHAT WEIRD ANIMAL WOULD YOU HAVE AS A PET IF IT WAS REALISTIC — a fox?? do ppl keep foxes? idk i’ve always just felt a sense of connection w them like when a fox stares at me im like this shit is life i am living and breathing in this bitch.... visceral

NAME THE FIRST SONG ON YOUR DISCOVER WEEKLY ON SPOTIFY OR THE FIRST SONG THAT COMES ON APPLE MUSIC / ITUNES SHUFFLE — everbody party tonight by cobra man n summer girl by haim..... not my usual stuff but big summer chillin vibes,.....

NAME A BOOK THAT YOU READ IN SCHOOL THAT YOU SURPRISINGLY LIKED — lord of the flies and also the handmaid’s tale. one of assignments was to write a chapter from another character’s perspective n i chose moira

NAME A BOOK YOU HATED THAT MOST PEOPLE LIKED — skellig. fuck off with ur asprin ugly bat man i don’t care. also of mice and men. don’t care about the rabbits or curley’s goddamn wife.

WHAT TV SHOW DID YOU RECENTLY BINGE? — im not a big binger bc i find it jst makes me depressed if i watch tv all day but im nearly finished stranger things season 3 n i recently finished euphoria (big rec but proceed w caution as quite triggering content)

FAVOURITE QUOTE — cool girl speech from gone girl. but also “there’s something dangerous about the boredom of teenage girls” i know its like.... such an overused quote but it really encapsulates this kind of feral girlhood that a few of my characters like bridget n greta have tapped into. i also loved the line “i feel like i could eat the world raw” from song of achilles, that really captures this kind of.... pure n childlike enthusiasm tht i wanna achieve w rory 

LINK TO A VINE THAT EXUDES YOUR ‘ENERGY’ — this is my energy completely am always covered in glitter n staring broodily out of the windows of ubers at 4am like im in the sad bit of an indie film 

DO YOU WRITE OUTSIDE OF RP? WHAT DO YOU WRITE? — uhh.... not as much as i shd.... i want to be a writer so i shd be makin some effort to get my stuff Out Into The World but im just not.... lol. ive done a lot of poetry collections . i wnt to finish a novel @ some point too.

THREE YOUTUBERS YOU STILL TRUST — bold of you to assume i trust any youtubers

A CELEBRITY CRUSH THAT JUST WON’T QUIT — id literally die for saoirse ronan n timothee chalamet :/ chance perdomo also owns my ass. 

EVER MEET A CELEBRITY? SHARE YOUR STORY — i once high-fived dani harmer, the actress who played tracy beaker. today my sister text me tryin to make me guess what celebrity she just saw on holiday in wales and for ages she let me think it was timmothee but it was actually bradley walsh from the chase :/

WHAT’S YOUR PICTURE-PERFECT NIGHT? — i am in a bomb ass crop top and mini skirt, several scrunchies in my hair, glitter all over my face, wearing cowboy boots. we eat dinner in a trendy but affordable pub that doubles up as a cocktail bar n then we drink zombies or sex on the beaches n go to a rave where everyone is on the same wavelength n i share drugs with girls in the toilets and we swap numbers knowing we will never text each other but its ok bc in that moment we feel like we are soulmates and everyone is super drunk n touching everyone else n its all very visceral and we walk through the woods when the rave ends and lie in the grass because we wish to suck out all the marrow of life 

A CONSPIRACY THEORY YOU KINDA BELIEVE IN — princess diana was murdered 

ARE ALIENS REAL? — maybe the real aliens are the friends we made along the way

PLAY ANY PHONE GAMES? WHICH ONES? — love island game im addicted and way too invested in my fictional relationship with bobby, a cartoon

WHAT’S A FILM YOU LOVED WHEN YOU WERE YOUNG AND RECENTLY WATCHED, ONLY TO FIND OUT YOU DON’T ANYMORE — bold of u to assume i remember my childhood. but if we’re talking last 10 years angust, thongs n perfect snogging is so so cringe 

DO YOU COLLECT ANYTHING? — pairs of glasses belonging to other ppl when they break / get new ones even though i can see perfectly well. 

WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU WANT TO LEARN MORE ABOUT BUT YOU’RE TOO LAZY? — mythology...... always a craving and a wish i’d read like ancient texts but my school wasn’t good enough to do greek or latin or any of that shit n even tho i could read english translations i cant be bothered. also criminal psychology

THREE LANGUAGES YOU DON’T SPEAK, BUT WISH YOU COULD — italian, french and latin

MOVIE YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN 5 TIMES — ladybird, about time, angus thongs, shrek 2, what we do in the shadows, the history boys, atonement, coraline, the breakfast club, ferris bueller’s day off

NAME A FICTIONAL CHARACTER FROM TV/FILM/MOVIE/GAME/BOOK THAT YOU FIND YOURSELF PROJECTING ON / YOU RELATE TO — cecilia lisbon. rue in euphoria. alison brie in glow. adam parrish in the raven cycle. richard papen. olivia cooke’s character in thoroughbreds. allen ginsberg in kill your darlings. lily in sex education. holliday grainger’s character in the film animals --- i too am an aspiring writer who never writes and just gets drunk instead .

DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPORTS? WHO DO YOU ROOT FOR? — no. cba

HOBBIES BESIDES WASTING AWAY HERE? — i go to the movies basically every day bcos i work in a cinema. im also a voracious reader n i occasionally do theatre or costume making

PLUG A TV SHOW / MOVIE / BOOK / VIDEO GAME / ETC… YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE WOULD CHECK OUT — where the wild things are (film by spike jonze).  animals. beats. the book fen by daisy johnson and a girl is a half formed thing by eimar mcbride. andy warhol’s biography from a to b and back again

WHOSE BRAIN WOULD YOU LIKE TO PICK, ALIVE OR DEAD? — phoebe waller-bridge on how i get her life. carey mulligan on how she got to be such a good actress n how i can become her. maybs wes anderson. maybs gillian flynn. i tend to listen to podcasts w the ppl i really wanna pick the brains of.

TEAM EDWARD OR JACOB? — edward :/

LAST MOVIE SEEN IN THEATRE — blinded by the light n i lovd it

DO YOU STILL READ? — when i finished uni i kinda got out of the habit but this week i finished two books so ive set myself the challenge of a book a week.

IF SO, WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING? — i finished song of achilles yesterday n i also finished call me by your name yesterday. started circe by madeline miller today, im also partway through milkman by anna burns and the plays of annie barker

ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW MUCH DID YOU HATE FILLING THIS OUT? – 3 i didnt hate it bcos at heart i am self-indulgent and love fashioning some sense of self when i feel lost in a world that is scary and constantly changing 

#wshedtask002

[15001700tt]

Reflections of the Deep Sense of Self

well, i dont really have an audience except for a handful of mutuals and the many porn bots that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how hard i try but i am still gonna use this platform to voice out my thoughts since i have too many of them and i feel like i might drown if i don't talk about them.

i dont necessarily think that i am a person that is easily swayed by men, i was able to emotionally control myself quite effectively in my youth.

my first crush was simply a pick from the crowd to stop my friends nagging about who it was. i just observed the crowd and picked the most likely to not interact with my sort and said "him, he is so cute!" hoping that my friends wouldn't see through my facade. i didn't want to like anyone just because of their looks but I had quite literally not spoken to the male sort in my entire life (not including men I am related to, I was in all girl private school before I moved to America's public system) to develop an interest in them in a romantic or infatuated way even.

now this is just my introduction to my philosophical essay about whether hurt/ mentally ill people are inherently evil but I must admit that this was started because of other reasons. we might not even get to touch on that either, i tend to ramble and not get to the point effectively.

if you followed me long enough you would know that I was talking to a man I might've called Viking. but we do not talk anymore after I made my feelings clear to him.

i feel many things, most of the time, its anger, the other times, confusion, hurt, rejection..etc. but I do not blame him. mostly because, i am quite annoying as a human being.

one of the things i took to as a way to distract me from the pain, was reading. i read so much that it was impossible to feel anything except the emotions that I was told to through a page. but in between books I would have nights where i wouldnt be able to focus on the words, and I would ponder what was it i did wrong, what was it that made him deem me worthless, not worth responding to. and I would come up blank because my self-preservation wont allow me believe that because I made my intentions clear that I was in the wrong to do so when I feIt that our relationship was taking the wrong turn. if I am allowed to call it a relationship, because quite frankly it was a level below a situationship and a level above a friendship. that I was quite sure of.

as I sit here and write after almost two months of silence from his end and mine, because I refuse to be the one to break it. call it pride, call it stubbornness, I was not the one to ghost the other. i refuse to chase after someone who clearly does not want me. but still can't deny that I lay in bed every night at some godforsaken hours of the night wishing, and hoping that he would just take a step towards me. as I had done to him that one Wednesday afternoon in April.

my point is that my interest in men started out of necessity but it has evolved into a yearning of something that seems quite unattainable. i am not attractive by any means, but I am not of the ugliest sort. i have seen people with more weight with worse features than I with partners who could care less about appearances. which to say that my looks shouldn't be any good reason to ghost me. and while I don't necessarily think that my appearance was the reason for the silence I do struggle with the way l look so my insecurities have found a very good home in the found silence from him. i am working on losing weight out of a bet with friends but also out of bitterness but nevertheless, he is a man and if he wont block me than he must see what he is missing out on.

but again, I used to think I would never be that girl. the one who wanted something but she cant have it. which is quite the diabolical because the entirety of the 11 months we talked I had many panic/ anxiety attacks over how our appearances didn't match, our aesthetics weren't compatible, about how I was too ugly for him or too fat for him. but he seemed the sort that was straightforward and didnt waste other peoples times. i guess i was wrong in the sense that he kept me around because he was bored and disposed of me when it got too serious for his liking. i thought i always had the upperhand, that if things ended i wouldnt be too hurt about it and do what i do best, find the next boy to obsess over.

funny enough, he seemed interested. but i cant know for sure. i mightve made it up in my head.

i have a fear, which shouldnt be a fear but it is. remember how i said that my first crush was out of necessity? well that seems to be the case with me from 7th grade to the end of highschool. which is crazy because you would think with all the men i obsess over that i would find men attractive. i think there is a clear line between celebrities and fiction characters from a real person with undeliberate faults and thing you cant control.

i never thought any of my crushes were ugly, they were good looking but they didnt make me feel attracted to them. it didnt help that i was also the type to watch from a far and not the get close and comfortable.

considering this my first person that i liked and held an 11 months conversation/-ship with i think i did very good but that doesnt change that i read too many romantic book and i had a silver of hope.

a silver of hope that maybe i wasnt weird or shitty for not feeling attracted to anyone in my life. that i finally found someone who literally embodied my dream guy and couldnt have been more perfect. if only he was better at communicating.

he says that he is traumatized from long distance relationships, i now understand that it mightve been his fault. he doesnt communicate. in the 11 months we have known each other i know about a handful of things about him while he had me all figured out. except for one thing. he never got my fear of relationships. since i suspect he ghosted me because he thought i would want one. i guess ghosting me seemed like his best option.

i might not be undesireable but i am not anyone's first choice either. usingmedia to distract me from my emotions literally has become my life. i read about 15 hockey romances the weeks after the ghosting. i was already reading regency era adult romances but i couldnt bring myself to finish them because i had spoken to him about them. this decision i will regret because i talked about everything with him. i mentioned this before. quite literally everything reminds me of him. and its quite sad because i cant evn ssay what we had was special. i decided yesterday that he wasnt worth all of this, and i know he isnt. but i am tired. i just want to be dessired and wanted.

i literally stopped reading a book because the male interest did the same thing that he did to me, essentially to the female protag. i cant even pick up the raunchy adult romance.

i didnt let my self feel the extent of my emotions, only in small slivers of despair, or when i am too tired to pretend that his actions didnt affect me.

he was perfect in all ways but one and i was all faults except for one; my immenient need to communicate.

and no one knows, a friend of mine knows, but they dont know everything, i dont want her to get annoyed with me. i was in her place too many times and i refuse to put her through that. and our mutual friends?

hahahahaha the other night i was speaking with S, and he said that the last time he spoke to him, he mentioned me and Viking said 'oh i havent spoken to her in a while' thats it. no explaination no excuse. i dont even know why that infuriated me. i wasnt even worth an explaination in his eyes. S barely found out via vague summary from me. because even though i was/am hurt. i refuse to tarnish his reputation. 'in a while' ????? you mean two months? but then again S couldnt remember the last time he talked to him. but like still?

forget that we were flirting constantly i thought i was friend at least. i deserve more than this. i think. maybe not then.

i want to scream and shout and hit him and cry about why he didnt want me. but i realize thats self depricating. i should never seek validation from a man, i know but it wouldnt fucking hurt fam.

i have so much to say and yet i feel like its already too much. i should keep quiet. thats what people want from me. for someone who is 'boy crazy' i have not stomached going on a dating app, or boy watching in public because it physically hurts. for gods sake i cant even read fanfiction or just READ because of it. any sight of anything merely romantic makes me want to yell. i am tired and i want to turn everything off. including my stupid rat brain that only seems to be attracted to assholes.

but the same fucking stupid brain cant help but hope that is our enemies to lovers story. one day... god i hope one day...

#halie #i...dont even know anymore #thoughts #quite literally all the thing i want to say and i have much more #halie thoughts #i feel like crying #the other mutual friend is my best friend who introduced us in the first place and she was very flip floppy about the whole thing #i dont know whether shell say i told you sso or comfort me #quite frankly i dont know which i want or prefer #both options will make me histerical #i already am #i feel very dumb

[onceawasteland]

NATASHA, PIERRE AND THE GREAT COMET OF 1812 (August 11th 2017, and August 12th 2017) there are spoilers to come but i felt you would all appreciate my take on the show for I have greatly appreciated everyone else's reviews. THIS STORY IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME AND I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS CLOSING. the above are pictures from my two respective seats and at the stage door Act One * the walls are covered in portraits from the 1800s, some of which are landscapes of operas) * i danced (badly) on a broadway stage * to get to the on stage seating you enter through lucas' door * while waiting for the show to start old russian music is playing. they also played some french music bc they were francophiles YAY FOR HISTORY * a lady behind me said "omg look at how they did the staging... i guess its pretty clear that theres not a lot of dancing in this show. and i about died laughing * during prologue Cathryn squeaked on the clarinet as she ran down the stairs and my best friend is a clarinet player so this made her RIDICULOUSLY happy * OAK LOOKED RIGHT AT ME DURING MY FAVORITE PART OF PIERRE WHICH IS MY FAVORITE SONG (You empty and stupid, contented fellows. satisfied with your place, im different from you im different from you. i stilll want to do something) * during pierre, pierre sings the part, "and how many men before good russian men, believing in goodness and truth" right to Anatole (who is in the main spot light) and a bunch of other dudes including Dolokohv * Anatole is wasted pretty much the whole show but he this is when you first notice it and lucas was sitting on the stairs right next to me and he kind of drunkenly slipped before he ran to the other side of the stage and i was like 😍😍 * Deneé was on our side of the stage pretty much the whole show and she looked me straight in the eyes about 15 times * during the very beginning of no one else when the music just starts to play Deneé walks with very youthful steps and it just emphasizes her innocence and lack of awareness and just EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PLAY IS MAGIC * no one else is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen (well kind of if you dont count the great comet of 1812) The independent lightbulbs which are hanging from the ceiling all kind of drop so it kind of looks like Natasha is floating among the stars * when deneé sang "we were angles once dont you remember" the second night i was there the guy she was singing to on stage right said yes and you could hear it in her mike 😂 * also during no one else, when Deneé sings "this winter sky" she is standing on the top tier of stairs and she flings her arms out gesturing to the sky and the blue light of the moon is the only real light on her and it is quite simply breathtaking * andrei shows up 3-4 times during act one and its super sad every time. the first one (i think, from my vantage point) was during no one else when Natasha is squeezing her knees. Andrei is holding her letters in his hand and then he puts them in his coat pocket right next to his heart and i want to die. * at the beginning of the opera when Dolokohv is introduced he is so ridiculously arrogant and its adorable. Dolokohv in general is pretty fucking adorable. He points at the mezzanine and smirks and its beautiful * at the opera when Natasha says "a little sad a little stout" pierre is in the parlor which is right between natasha and Marya, and Helene and he makes this face like "wtf dude we should be bros" and he is playing the accordion and he pulls it in a way that the note declines and its just this hilarious moment * during the opera andrei shows up covered in blood right after Natasha sees Anatole is staring at her and its so depressing and also NICHOLAS BELTON OMG * Andrei also shows up during Natasha and Anatole (ok my heart 💔) * pierre is reading in his study through almost the entire show * So i heard this before and i didnt believe it bc you cant tell from just the music but the way that lucas plays Anatole is just so complex i love it. During, Natasha and Anatole he is a. really surprised at the amount that he isnt being rebuffed. and b. he has all these nervous tics before he enters the box all the way and makes his presence known and it just adds so much to the character because while yes he is the bad guy he isnt evil he is just unaware of everyone else. * he also tries to convince himself that he isnt doing anything wrong during "we are speaking of the most ordinary things" he wasnt trying to convince her HE WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF * and then RIGHT WHEN SHE SAYS "yet I feel closer to you thank Ive ever felt with any other man" he just looks so happy and surprised * Right before Anatole goes to talk to Pierre during the duel he does this mind blown motion after watching natasha exit and its so fucking cute * DOLOKOHV'S "DRINK DRINK"s AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DUEL HAPPENED AS HE RAN UP THE STAIRS RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND I DIED BC HOLY FUCK NICK CHOKSI * I know you all already know this but the strobe lights are the most badass thing i have ever seen in my life. i straight up thought i was going to die they are SO intense. and during the ohohohohohs at the beginning lucas and nick did this hoping dance and i was like 😍 and its so cool bc of the strobe lights and I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE STROBE LIGHTS HOLY FUCK * the second night i saw it, i cant remember who it was but, someone literally almost kicked me in the face from the stage section right in front of me * during the line "then i feel a pleasant warmth in my body" LUCAS DOES A BODY ROLE AND IT IS SO RIDICULOUSLY HOT I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE IT * OK OAK! this is the moment i was like FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW THIS BOY IS A GIFT FROM HEAVEN. When Dolokohv is singing "heres to the health of married women" he is talking directly into pierre's face trying to bro out, and oak's face just falls completely and im like I NEED TO GIVE YOU A HUG DONT BE SAD. then, THENNNNN Dolokohv actually goes and makes out with helene two feet away from him and the hurt on oaks face was so raw i just 😭 * during the duel it is super obvious that Helene actually cares about Pierre because when she see that he hit Dolokohv shes more worried about the retribution than she is about dolokohv and i just want to die bc these characters are so fucking complex and BEAUTIFULLLLL * Dust and Ashes IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONG AND OAK SINGS IT SO WELL AND I DIDNT KNOW THAT THE SONGS COULD GET BETTER BUT HE DID AND I WANT TO DIE * Dust and Ashes is my best friends favorite song and Oak looked directly at her during her favorite line too and its like he fucking knew we were sitting there * during sunday morning Sonya is trying to imitate Marya by sitting exactly like her and that is so great * Charming is gay. that is all there is to say really, just GAYYYYY * and Natasha imitates Helene at the end of Charming which again shows her innocence (SCREAMING) * she then makes the most adorable "well if you say so face" during "but still she talks so frankly. so it must be alright" and she kind of shrugs and AGHHHH * at the beginning if the ball Anatole, again, has all sorts of nervous energy and hes pacing and bouncing on the balls of his feet shaking his hands. and it just adds so much depth. * the ball was really distracting the first night bc two people (cant say who they were bc they are in huge ass masks) were dancing like 6 inches away from me and kept breathing in my ear. I am not complaining. * Lucas turns around with his hands up in a surrender pose like "i didnt do anything what are you saying" when natasha says "your hurting my hand" which i love. then he runs up and just grabs her bodily, turns her to him and smashes his lips on to hers. they stay like that for like 4 seconds and then natasha throws herself on top of him, essentially, and he kind of spins them around and its really kind of romantic (i am not a shipper of the two, except that i maybe kind of am after seeing how they interact with eachother) * Natasha kind of freaks out after the kiss but she is convinced that there is nothing else for her now but anatole and its like GIRLLLLL * Lucas and Deneé leave the stage arm and arm through the big door at the back with the same white lights that Anatole entered with. ACT 2 VERY FIRST THING THAT HAPPENED IN ACT TWO. LUCAS STEELE STARED INTO MY EYES FOR A SOLID 6 SECONDS AND SMIRKED AT ME AN I DIED AND MY FACE PROBABLY LOOKED SO DUMB BUT I DONT CARE BECAUSE AGHH In Letters when pierre says IT IS NAPOLEON the portrait of napoleon on the wall lit up and i cried andrei was there during all of letters and it was so depressing BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHATS COMING AND AGH. right before sonya and natasha sonya and anatole glare at eachother as lucas exists and then sonya runs to grab the letter from natasha's hand. DENEÉ'S SASS DURING THE LINE "I do not grasp the question" is fucking epic. she roles her eyes and its perfection during Sonya alone Igrid Michaelson was literally three feet away. and the lights didnt light up behind denee and i was like ohhh someone messed up. Dolokohv was trying insanely hard to convince anatole not to go through with the abduction and his turmole was very evident. at one point denee walk across the stage and he looked between her and anatole, ran his hand through his hair and then just gives in and follows. Anatole is v annoyed with Dolokohv during preparations. while dolokohv is speaking he is mouthing along like "shut up bro you dont know wtf youre saying" its very funny balaga: there are no words just so much happened paul pinto is a beast i dont even know how he does it. ok on night two i tried write down things from balaga Heath whipped me in the face with his hair as he was head banging on the stage in front of me. marya plays the drums at the top of the stage #GRACEMcLEANISAGODDESS andrei is present through most of act two. he is playing the triangle in pierre's study during balaga OAK DOES THE MOST ADORABLE LAUGH AFTER HIS "WooooOOOOOOAHHH" in abduction. he makes me want to die Lucas' "WAAAAAAIIIT first we have to sit down" is hilarious because the amount of time that he just sits there in silence flirting with this random lady on stage is ridiculous. he messes with his hair and puts his arm around her while we (i) all just sit there staring at him with doppy smiles on our (my) faces. on night two he sat next to a guy on the stage and i really thought he was going to flirt with him as well but alas dolokohv's fur cloak bit is very funny and the cloak is purple which is not what i imagined. again i will say that he is adorable anatole makes out with the fur cloak girl before going to get natasha. boi Grace McLean's in my house is not just angry she is also devastated that natasha is to be ruined. her face is contorted with pain in almost every line. and she is pleading with natasha to listen to her. her vocals are just so insane just OMG the blocking during in my house was also insanely cool. sonya, natasha, and Marya are standing in a a triangle the whole time (denee was RIGHT in front of me for the majority of the time) and they would switch which point of the triangle they were at and the rotation was very neat. I REALIZED LATER THAT THIS IS A PARALLEL TO MOSCOW BECAUSE THEY ARE STANDING IN A TRIANGLE THEN TOO AND OMG THIS SHOW DOES LITERALLY EVERYTHING RIGHT in call to pierre, oaks first what, when pinto gives him the letter is like "wtf is going on here im nobody whats going on" and despite being very depressing is also kind of funny. the whats then progressively get less funny and more depressing and i HATE THAT THIS HAPPENS TO MY CHILDREN NICHOLAS BELTON WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME ON THE SECOND NIGHT DURING CALL TO PIERRE AND HE KIND OF RUNS AND HIDES BEHIND A POST IN THE BACK OF THE THEATER AS PIERRE LEARSN WHAT HAPPENED TO NATASHA. pierre went to find anatole in the club all of the ensemble were surrounding the walls of the theater and it felt like we were actually in the club which was insane after "NATASH, NATASHA. IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT I SEE NATASHA" Anatole throws his head down into helene's lap and i read somewhere that "they downplayed the incest" BUT I CALL BULL SHIT I DIDNT SAY THIS EARLIER BUT DURING THE DUEL AT THE LINE "Imma make love to her" AMBER IS GRINDING ON LUCAS SO I CALL BULL FUCKING SHIT anatole is also really distraught. its super weird bc with just the music to go off of you think anatole is just this jackass that wants nothing but to feel good and fuck everyone else... BUT LUCAS OMG lucas makes him sympathetic. he seems to really love natasha and when pierre is yelling at him he takes it to heart and freaks the hell out and just my love (i mean still a dick but) pierre and anatole is so fucking intense. and the ending if it when anatole is being a whiny baby IT IS SO GREAT BC ITS SO CLEAR HE IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM which emphasizes his age and lack of understanding as well WHICH IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT. Anatole's exit is almost an exact reflection of his entrance. with the lights flaring as he walks out the door everyone talks about this but when natasha poisons herself shes right between anatole and pierre and its so depressing and just my heart pierre and andrei is so fucking sad. first off in the book (which is all about redemption, ill get to that) Andrei gets the BEST most beautiful redemption arc, and ive always been kind if sad that they took that out. everyone else gets at least the possibility of redemption and they just straight up removed every possibility of andrei finding forgiveness. but whatever this is the song that made me start crying, i didnt stop until i was standing at the stage door both nights. ITS JUST SO FUCKING SAD AND I DONT EVER WANT TO FORGET NICHOLAS BELTON STANDING ON THE STAGE "smiling like his father" AS HE COMES TO TERMS WITH THIS BETRAYAL. OAK! OAKKKKKK. I did not know that pierre could get better i thought we had reached maximum amazing but HOLY SHIT. first off the whole time he was hilarious. at the beginning of the Duel when he said opera he satirized the word and drew it out kind of long which was hilarious. and other little moments while he was in his parlor. BRILLIANT. and then AND THEN DURING PIERRE AND NATASHA. i have no words the whole thing was heart breaking. I started crying during Pierre and Andrei and I didnt stop until the end, at the stage door, but holy fuck. after he says his line (you all know the one) i could SEE this singular tear fall from his face and god damn if that wasnt the most heart wrenching thing i have ever seen. he was full on sobbing on stage and i could not handle it. During Pierre and Natasha, Helene, Marya, and Dolokohv were sitting in the audience sections and Helene was crying, dolokohv was strumming his guitar and looking very depressed and Marya just sat there shaking her head. Im not sure if other people were around too but those were the three i could see. during great comet everything is just so beautiful. oaks acting and gestures made everything 100102948391x better but the lighting was INSANE. the comet was beautiful the stars were beautiful, oak was beautiful. one of the MOST stunning plays I have EVER seen in so many ways. a person is not supposed to cry 6 times during a show... it requires magic and this show had it in bucket loads. STAGE DOOR DAY ONE: I MISSED GRACE MCLEAN BC I WAS DISTRACTED AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF AGHWHSHF Lucas must be on voice rest bc he wasnt saying anything but HE WAS SO CUTE AND IM DYING BC HE TOUCHED ME. (also i became like ridiculously starstruck and forgot that i wanted to tell him how much his acting adds to the lyrics and the character and how he is so much more sympathetic because he genuinely loves natasha and just doesn't demonstrate that in a good way, i will also. ever forgive myself for that) there was a little girl next to me at the stage door and the actresses were all being so encouraging to her. they were like "if you want to be an actress DO IT, I was right where you were once and now im here. you have it in you, just dont ever give up." and i wanted to cry bc OH JESUS THEY ARE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE. Paul Pinto is THE MOST™. i absolutely love it even after the show he had SO much energy. i was like 😮 how. Nick Choksi is adorable and wears so much eyeliner and he also talked to the little girl next to me about how excited he would be to see her name up on a marquee one day and i cried. I have no idea what I said to him bc again i was starstruck. My best friend died a little bc she loves him and i think it was honestly one of the best moments of her life. Amber, Oak, and Denee didnt come out (sobs) but APPARENTLY Renee Elise Goldsberry was there to congratulate Oak and support him and i was to cry again. OK DAY TWO STAGE DOOR: * this was a scary night for me * i got into a fight with a man because he was being exceptionally rude to the actors and i called him out on it and he started screaming at me and then he started pushing this other lady right when Shoba was signing in front of us and she looked so scared and i feel so fucking bad * also his daughter was obviously a huge fan of the show and was so excited to see the cast and when he got kicked out she was sobbing and i will maybe never forgive myself for ruining this girls night on broadway but someone needed to say something. he was straight up making fun of the cast as they were three feet away from him and the final straw for me was when he said "some one needs to go in there and grab that blond bitch by the hair and drag her out here. if no one else will ill do it" and so i turned around and said "excuse me sir would you mind turning down the vulgarity. it's incredibly disrespectful" and he said some of the meanest things i have ever heard from another person (called me a bitch, told me i would always be alone, tried to intimidate me by saying he was three times my age... i was just like that says more about you than it does about me man) any way the security guy (idk his name but i love him) got him to leave and then once he was gone i started crying bc everyone around me was patting me on the back trying to make me feel better and that makes me cry apparently. * SO THEN ANGLE MAN MCSECURITY came over and tried to cheer me up as did many other people which really only made it worse but everyone was being so kind and trying to distract me and finally i said "FUCK IT I CANT BE CRYING WHEN LUCAS STEELE COMES OUT" and everyone laughed and i started to stop crying. OK SO WHEN LUCAS CAME OUT AND GOT TO ME ANGLE SECURITY MAN SAID "lucas just so you know this girl has had a really hard time just now. a man was being very confrontational with her in the crowd, (wait for it) can she have a hug" and lucas stared into my eyes (LMAO I AM NATASHA) and said (his voice was so raspy and he was definitely not supposed to be speaking) "im so sorry but if i hug you i have to hug everyone, im so sorry that you had an altercation. here i can do this" AND HE STARTED RUBBING MY HAND IN CIRCLES AND I ABOUT DIED and i said "its ok i totally understand, you are actually fantastic (AND I LOVE YOU, actually no i didnt say that) can i have a picture?" and he said yes (its so bad) and then went down the line more BUT HOLY FUCK * and THEN i asked the totally innocuous question to angle security man, out if curiosity not wanting to do it myself, "not to sound presumptuous or anything but how is it that people grt to go back stage at things like this?" and he said friends or family and i said ok, makes sense i was just curious. THEN HE CAME BACK 3 MINUTES LATER AND SAID "i just wanted to let you know i tried to get you back stage, my friend Summaya is in the cast would have taken you but she already left. i hope thats ok." and i just kind of stared at him bc I WASNT ASKING TO GO BACK MYSELF IT WAS A FOR FUTURE REFERENCE THING and i said "no no of course i totally understand dont worry about it" * GUESS WHAT ELSE HAPPEND BRITTAN ASHFORD WAS THERE AND WHEN SHE CAME OUT i started pointing and talking incoherently and he said, "do you want Brittan's autograph?" and i just kind of nodded and he BROUGHT HER OVER TO ME * Nicholas Belton didnt come out the stage door but he apparently was meeting up with Cathryn and a bunch of the other cast after the show bc i saw him as i was walking to my uber and i just kind if stalked him a little bit bc OMG and i love that they all go out together after the show * Anthony Ramos and Jasmine Cephas Jones were at the show to see Oak and they went in the stage door and Jasmine waved right to me after she saw me waving at her. they showed up separately and i was like OMG ARE THEY OK I HOPE THEYRE OK... but its all good * and Alex Gibbson told me that he was proud of me for having read War and Peace because his copy was collecting dust in the attic somewhere and i laughed * and BRAD GIOVANINE REMEMVERD ME at the sage door he said "hey! you were here last night werent you?" and i said "YEAH!" and he said "yes, i thought i recognized you in the audience! thank you so much for coming back" and i said "I wouldnt have missed it, thank you for telling this story" and that was a definite highlight OK SO THE REASON THAT THIS SHOW IS MAGIC: so the main message of war and peace is that people are good, and redemption, for even the most base of people, is not only possible it is probable because when you break it down we are all imbued with humanity which can triumph when/if we let it. the show doesnt necessarily show that redemptive possibility because it is the part of the story where literally everyone is at their worst. BUT the acting and intention behind the blocking and the small things show that even the very worst of characters (cough anatole, cough helene, cough dolokohv), that we really shouldnt sympathize with based on their actions, are portrayed in such a way that it is IMPOSSIBLE to not see them as, at their root, good. it is impossible to not see their humanity. their weaknesses are on full display, but those weaknesses are merely weakness. they are not evil, they are a result of circumstance and upbringing. not to mention the characters we are supposed to love... they are so easy to forgive its ridiculous in conclusion: Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Comet of 1812 is the bets musical i have ever seen. I love the cast with all of my heart because of their talent and kindness, I will NEVER forget the magic that was tonight. i CANNOT believe that this show is closing. I will never see anything like it ever again and its a travesty. I hope one day there is a revival that is this good... i have hope 🙏🏻.

#natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 #oak onaodowan #denee benton #lucas steele #nick choksi #nicholas belton #grace mclean #amber gray #brittan ashford #THE ENSEMBLE KICKS ASS BUT I DONT HAVE TIME TO LIST EVERYONE #they are my spirit animals #and i literally love them so much #dont close #my heart #run forever #please #the great comet #the great comet of 1812 #war and peace #SERIOUSLY ITS BASED ON WAR AND PEACE #HOW DID #dave malloy #DO IT??? #Natasha Rostova #Anatole Kuragin #pierre bezukhov #helene bezukhova #fedya dolokhov #marya dmitrievna #sonya rostova

[brothalynchhung]

2018 overview

goddddd im so late lol i didnt forget about this blog I'm just active on my other account also I'm never uhhhh home and I'm so busy now god i feel like I'm losing myself and my youth hood from not updating here fml life got me fucked up

ANYWAYS 2018 was fucking crazy what the hell how did so much shit happen in one year

in the 2017 overview i talked about regretting and trying to make up time and ohhhh bitch.... looool

anyways lets start:

2018 immediately started with some bullshit

literally started 2018 turning up LMFAOOO

so it was a good start 

spent new years w old friends some shit ill never do again

hotel room bullshit, eating out, running around outside, late drives listening to early 2000s music

OMG the hotel jesus i remember now i started 2018 on that trash ass app

talking to weirdos

being liked by over 2000 people?

wow what fucking redemption from middle school and high school 

but like... i learned all men are fucking losers LMFAOO

had two weird ass “dates” aka not really since i dipped those things quick aFFF lmao

fuck my old dumb friends for encouraging me to do that shit lol

was funny tho so who cares

this time (january) last year i was

broke

depressed about gl, no job, hating school

i was sooo depressed like 2018 until june i was literally just depressed and borderline suicidal cuz not having a job and being broke as shit was stressing me out so much

i tried so hard to get a job anywhere but for some reason it wasn't working???

i met(?????) that bitch HB LMAFOOOOO

godddd that fucking 5 hours 3 am call

all that weird obsessing and calls we used to have LMFAO he was such a fucking hoe why did i even waste my time

AND I STILL HAVENT MET HIM IRL YET LMFAOFPJEWIOGHERUGHESU EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME I SAW HIM AT CU AND EUIRHGEUISHRH INSANE

but yeah fuck him for calling me too thick but THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH

highly he was one the best things to happen to me in 2018?

he called me thick i got cheesed and 

I LOST 15+ POUNDS IN 2018 

honestly after years of saying ill lost weight ill lose weight I FINALLY FUCKING DID

god 2018 was honestly year of the grind

gym every single day

rip school gym LMFAOOO i lost all my weight there god bless

oh yeah i became vegetarian!! and now I'm vegan LMFAO plot twist?

JESUS REMEMBER WHEN HB SAID MY VOICE TURNED HIM ON I CRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGERYISEGHUIEHEIOS LMFAOOOO FUCK HIM THANKS FOR INSPIRING ME TO LOSE WEIGHT AND BE SEXY SO I CAN STUNT ON ALL U UGLY ASS MEN

anyways he weirdly kept on trying to hit me up even after he called me too thick infront of the boys (to which they still defended me shout out boys) fucking loser... i shut him down lol

ntcntcjkjkntcjkntcjkjk lol

brockhaamptoonn

threw up from that night i got too drunk LMFAO what an experience never again

i turned up too much in 2018 -_____- i don't even like it wtf

was a lot of fun tho like thats what i wanted right? reclaim my time i lost in hs/early uni because those hoes we don't speak of

i really didnt do shit other than obsess over being broke depressed and missing gl in the beginning of 2018 sooo.. lets just... fast forward? god what a weird ass year

and going to the gym everyday

counting calories

i need to start doing that shit again cuz I'm actually terrified i might be 120 again after fucking dubai

my old ass friends who i basically used to make up for my regret and reclaim my youth from high school was basically all of the beginning of 2018 . yes thanks for the memories thanks for helping relive my past that i lost . thanks. ur appreciated it was fun

but fuck y'all cuz y'all never had anything in common with me and y'all r embarrassing and boring . i was the exciting and better one 

also fuck y'all for letting me down . after y'all fucked off i got successful 

when i obsessed over that ugly weird guy in my phi classes and then i saw him up close and he was UGHLYLYYK GHU AND WEIRD AF 

and he was on my tip crazy with his weird low key fetishing internally racist bullshit LMFAOOO

i think the fuck not

he's still in one of my classes now i gotta spend the whole semester avoiding him IFNWFUWifhqfuwighau

god

discovered my love for white rabbit

finally finished that lonely ass semester

went straight into summer school w/zainb

love her ass lol

wait was 2018 the year i ran into that weird at the mall who tried to kiss me withing 10 minutes of meeting me at bubble tea? LMFAOOO WHAT A FREAK GOD 

my fucking life fam istg

watching hxh ugh best time ever

got a job!!! 

GOT ANOTHER JOB!!!

TWO AT ONCE and one of them was so crazy good for my career 

to the point where I'm STILL in contact with them

seriously getting a job changed the year for me so much

got out of my bad depression starting making money

straight grind

work gym 

BOUGHT EVERYTHING I WANTED.

LITERALLY EVERYTHING

ALESIS . STUDIO SET UP . LOEWE BAG. AND MORE EVERYTHING I WANTED AND I LOST WEIGHT

like i accomplished everything????

its like the beginning of the 2018 year was me gearing up and mentally readying myself for when i fiINALLY GOT A JOB and then i accomplished everything i wanted

yo i was working 3 jobs and that catfish hip hop class 

LFMAOOOOO THAT HIP HOP COURSE OMGG LMFAOEJGUIE ICONIC

i killed that shit lmao😂

met that weird ugly kid that was talking all this bullshit about us being the same and him thinking he had a chance w me LMFAOOO okay sure there

all cuz of fucking r and her high school esque bullshit

honestly fuck her LMFAOO i don't wish her anything just fuck off after all the bullshit since middle school you put me thru 

her and her ugly ass bf i had to deal with god I'm so happy she's out of my life

used you to make up from lost time 😂 i don't need u anymore Im at peace with myself BYE 

i don't even feel sentimental when i was run or i need u like i finished the book and i closed that shit and i feel better like i got so much closure this year

sister got married suwhoooo 

weird encounter w dal? tf? girl bye you've been dead to me since 2012 LMFAOO

so much people i really don't give a fuck about

honestly in 2018 i just lost all my fucks and only focused on me 

it gonna stay like that

made so much new friends i cant even name them all 

love all my work friends club GANG

chilling w hec and crew gang gang

oh yeah that taurus bitch i got confused feelings over and wasted my time 

cut his annoying ugly weird ass off lol but whatever lost time reclaimed it was very 2011-13 esque

got rid of everything from my sunken period thank god

got rid of so much shit

the closure/transformation was real

anyways uhhh so yeah so then fall semester started just continued working and gaming 

 lowest i got was 113 but idk wat i am now :( I'm so scared i really don't want to be over 115 but I'm like always bloated so I can never check I'm so sad rn

cut off annoying friends fuck them i have new better ones and i love myself

jjkjkjkjknctncjtkcktn lol 

good music good book watched so much movies

I SAW BROCKHAMPTON JCOLE THE GORRILAZ THE INTERNET DELASOUL AND BLOOD ORANGE LIVE!!! BITCH WAT THE FUCK ALL IN ONE YEAR

toronto trip!! mil trip!!! all on my own fucking amazing

end of 2018 was so good omg 

ran into 2% jfc

drunk called 2% lMFAOOO god just said sorry for nothing lmao i just want gl I'm clinging on to anything

OH YEAH that ugly broke bitch who wasted my time and objectified me yeah fuck him 

if he didnt do that disrespectful ass shit i wouldn't have called 2% ugh god

never using that trash app ever again 

ended 2018 in dubai 

YSL LOEWE ALL ON ME???? YES BITCH 

didnt feel like a failure in dubai stunt on everyone

ended this year amazing

really looking forward to 2019

looking forward to losing weight -____________- still

looking forward to money

accomplishing goals

getting closer to gl

FINISHING FUCKING SCHOOL FINALLY 

just happiness.. 

I'm happy. 2019 I'm ready lets fucking go. gl lets go . I'm on my way

went from broke hopeless no job depressed to thriving beautiful UP TO 4 JOBS everyone can fuck off

[bugclub-archive-blog]

all the questions! 💕

i love u my beautiful angel

1: What are you wearing?

black shirt black jjoggers my new opal necklace that i keep talking about because im so excited 2: Ever been in love?

just the one time3: Ever had a terrible breakup?

i thought it was terrible at the time but truly it was one of the best things to ever happen to me4: How tall are you?

5 foot 45: How much do you weigh?

it fluctuates between 110-120 i think im probably right in the middle of the two these days6: Any tattoos do you want?

yes somany of course and i have one that i might get in the next few days its very pretty but tbh my ideas have been stolen before so ......ive already said too much7: Any piercings that you want?

every once ina while i get really excited for certain piercings but it always dies out relatively quickly so im gonna have to say no8: OTP?

me and emilio, pete and erin on the office, my old friend brennas mom and stepdad9: Favorite Show?

30 rock or the office or workaholics10: Favorite bands?

twin peaks, the beatles11: Something you miss?

sunshine! fuck! where is my guy The Sun12: Favorite song?

currently it might be baby its you by the shirelles or maybe the cover by thebeatles theyre both on my january playlist. also come and get your love by redbone. also 100% by sonic youth and a live acoustic version of wasted and ready by ben kweller are my all time favorites13: How old are you?

19 and my birthday is in march which is so soon and im excited14: Zodiac sign?

aries 15: Hair Color?

dark brown and as of late the ends are blonde and caramel16: Favorite Quote?

i cant complain but sometimes i still do - joe walsh (its been stuck inmy head for like twelve yearsi dont have a better answer)17: Favorite singer?

hmm.......hard to say....clay frankel 18: Favorite color?

green19: Loud music or soft?

loud20: Where do you go when you're sad?

st joe michigan my second home. i like to go to all my secret spots and reminisce. i like driving north thru buchanan on sunny days and looking at all the cottages in wine country21: How long does it take you to shower?

10-15 mins22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

0 mins all i do is roll out of bed and put clothes on 23: Ever been in a physical fight?

yes and really this is a good time to remind all that i will fuck you up.24: Turn on?

no lie when i see emilio genuinely happy like big smiles and giggles it always gets me25: Turn off?

hmm..not that this is relevant now but seriously the most disgusting thing a boy can do is come into your job or something and hit on you. it use to only happen at like the gas station or something like that but now that i spend so much time alone in the store it happens so much more often. honestly even when  i have coworkers around guys still do that shit, fuck that!26: The reason I joined Tumblr?

i had a tumblr in like 2009-2010 but i cant remember why. but i deleted that in 2011 and made a new one a year later and no lie the reason i rejoined was because i saw a gif and i was like damn thats dope, where else can you see gifs except tumblr, now all websites have gifs and im fucking trapped27: Fears?

i dont have any. i use to be scared of puppets and the dark but now i just dont care!28: Last thing that made you cry?

straight up the last time i cried was when i was reading some comments on a youtube video of bob segers “still the same”. this guy was commenting on it about how the song reminds him of his late best friend and he said he missed him everyday and i fucking lost it for this old man and his friend. i cried about that comment a few days after the fact jus thinking about it. im not embarrassed. i love love.29: Last time you cried?

that was probably all about a week ago or something30: Meaning behind your url

i was talking with someone years ago who i was friends w on here and we were talking about our dream homes and i said i wanted a room for eveyr animal and species and one would be filled with beetles called bug club and now ehre i am31: Last book you read?

probably the great gatsby years ago. i wish i had motivation to read32: Last song you listened to?

come and get your love! 33: Last show you watched?

im watching the office as we speak34: Last person you talked to?

emilio irl, hailey via text35: The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

i love that bitch she comes to my work with gifts sometimes. for any of you who follow my ig, those little potted plants im growing were gifts  from her 36: Favorite food?

beef jerky damnnear37: Place you want to visit?

ireland so bad as of late. the UP as of forever. oregon. i really am hoping we can take a trip to go visit connor in colorado sometime and id really love to go to germany38: Last place you were?

dominos pizza39: Do you have a crush?

yes.....40: Last time you kissed someone?

a lil bit ago41: Last time you were insulted and what was it?

hmm... i think it was probably someone trying to tell ME that MY BOYFRIEND is shitty, but does it count if i didnt actually care? i think the last thing i actually got heated about was my creepy coworker trying to fry me for being addicted to my phone because i used my phone in front of him42: What color underwear are you wearing?

nudish pink43: What color shirt are you wearing?

black44: What color bottoms are you wearing?

black45: Wearing any bracelets?

no46: Last sport you played?

last february or march or something me and some of my st joe friends played catch in the dark for a little bit....thats as close as it gets besides going back to middle school47: Last song you sang?

probably never be like you tbh i cant stop listening to that song, first time i ever heard this song adam was playing it and i remember asking tony what it was and if i remember right he did not like the song and so he fried me 48: Last prank call you remember doing?

the only one i can remember is one time in seventh or eighth grade my friend brooke invited me to her birthday party and like we had hung out before a lot she was one of my best friends but she was always really quiet and shy but we calld this boy that our friend heather liked and she straight up impersonated alvin from alvin and the chipmunks better than anyone besides alvin ever could and it was so shocking and so fucking funny at the time49: Last time you hung out with anyone?

me and mikaila went on a few drives earlier in the week 50: Favorite movie

i dont even know anymore. damn near waynes world or some shit. my life is in shambles.

[inactive-mermaid-in-a-trash-can]

vent pls ignore

i miss him so much i wish he meant the things he said because it feels like he did at the time but it changed and he didnt say anything and i asked him i asked whats wrong are you mad because i could feel it i could feel something was wrong but i cant tell bc ive never even kissed a boy god knows this is the closest ive ever been to a fucking relationship by miles i dont understand him at all its like he was scared to be alone with me but missed me every damn day and i told him i was honest he deserved to know, someone as overwhelmingly more experienced, that i’ve never done anything like this before he knew that and he told me he fell in love with me when we met and i wasnt ready and i dont even think thats true anymore and he woke me up to tell me he was in love with me and two weeks later!! two  fucking  weeks he just wants a hookup and i want to give him the world what did i do he wont even tell me i tried i asked him and he ignored me for hours and didnt even give me an answer by the end of it school is awful i knew i had depression but this... i dont know how to handle this im crying right now out of the blue not because of stress not because i was yelled at but im just fuckign sad so overwhelmingly sad i can drown it out i cant escape it the ways i used to and im pretty sure i got anxiety now too i wake uop every morning scared that i have to go to school it doesnt end and i wont ever end i feel sufficated and i have the most free time now then i will ever again for the rest of life i dont know what to do it feels like im wasting my youth bc how rigioursous my courses are but idont want to drop them because I want to do well bc im capable im fucking capable but at what cost every day is stressful and i get home and take unhealthily long naps and then cant fall asleep until past midnight i dropped my friends but i picked a fight with the wrong people and i dont fw anyone in my classes i cant be there for my best friend and now theyre finding new friends like they do every year which i have literally never been able to do and hes going to parties and has MULITPLE GUYS INTO HIM but still gets to say he thinks hes unattractive and basically doing everything highschool thing i thought only happens in movies and i have no friends i do nothing outside of school the one guy whose ever liked me back realized i wasnt enough and i wasnt worth it and its unfair hes so attractive and he was crazy popular in highschool and by all means should have been comprehensive of whatever the fuck it is we had like he was older and crazy hot and ive been complemented on my looks my a stranger exactly one time by a stranger and i remember it vividly bc no one has ever called me cute but he called me cute and said i was beautiful and he loved me bc i like him for who he was but isnt it fucking ironic that he never cared about me like i know so much about him bc i CARED I FUCKING CARED AND I ASKED BECAUSE I WANTED TO KNOW I GENIUNELY WANTED TO KNOW HIM AS A PERSON and he never asked me a fucking thing. he never asked about what music I liked or the what I was studying in school or what I wanted to do after highschool. he never cared he never bothered to ask i shouldve known bc when he told me i said!! i said we dont know eachother!!! and he let his emotions get ahead of him and cant even let me have fucking closure... two weeks... what did i fucking do... he isnt a great guy i dont think a relationship w him would b all that great... but i miss his touch i miss the attention i miss jsut feeling fucking wanted its hard to love yourself when it feels like no one has ever liked you your entire life for a goddamn reason. i know im stubborn i know i have strong opinions i know i dont act like a girl i know i dont act like a boy i know i look funny i know im not pretty I KNOW. sure im cute from a distance i guess. I dont click with anyone im an art kid at heart but im not artsy any more i still dress emo and my music is just basic alternative im not into anything intresting at all. im not intresting. Im not worth it to anyone i dont know what im fighting so hard for. i need to keep my grades up because if i dont and i end up figuring things out in the end but i cant do it bc of my grades id hate myself for the rest of my life im just.. trying to keep my oppurtunities open... but i just.. wish it were easier. i might have to drop my courses and not do the diploma i wanted.. but i can do an entire year of this... im not even studying for my SATS or applying to colleges yet. i dont have the energy to hang out with the one friend i have and i dont have to time to draw or play ow i just. im not enjoying my life. im young and im fucking wasting it. i hate this. i just want to be happy. i just want to be happy. why am i sad. its been a month it isnt just him i didnt fail a test it isnt my grades im not stress crying it isnt homework my relationship with my parents is better then ever it isnt them. maybe it is him. or at least hugging him seems like it would make everything better. fuck it really is him haha. it isnt even really his fault. he cant help if his feelings changed. i guess he was scared too. i hate him i love him i hate him i love him. i miss him. god i dont even know what i want i dont even want him i want how he made me feel. loved wanted pretty attractive. i fucked up 

[cheerleader-spirit]

Baobei

This is a three paged story that I made last 2014.

On a  far mountainous area near Guangdong China, there lived a dog, a cat and their female master on a shabby humble hut in the middle of a village, her name was Min, who's Min? It's the cat, you thought it's the female master’s name don't you? Well the master’s name is JieJie and we live in harmony even if Min and I sometimes argue over nonsensical things because we don't have things in common except for food. Almost everyday JieJie is always out going to an unusual work. Well, I don't know what work it is that she had, but it kept me curious with her going home with a funny smell. JieJie went home with a funny smell on her wardrobe , something that I really recognize well but can't seem to find out the source, maybe my nose is already failing due to scratching it intensely or by bumping it on things unconsciously. Sometimes I feel warm and hot even on a cold day, and seem to be prideful about that even if I feel superbly hot because every time Min is shivering cold on one corner I always make an effort/urge to protect her from the cold by wrapping my wooly fur to her shivering body, and that is the reason we became friends in spite of adversities.

              I was the first pet of JieJie, she Already had me when I was Still a puppy, she found  me on a box  of an alley on  one of the busiest village in Guangdong. I remembered i was so scared and bare, I cried and shrieked due to hunger and lack of fur to cover my fragile body. Luckily, out of a sudden something came up to my box and carried me  to a warm and peaceful house and here I am now comfortably lounging with the person that saved me from the cold and with a defensive Min, whom I also really love. Min was already a full grown youth when she came in. As told by Min, she was living on an abandoned nest of an owl on a park until one day the tree was stricken by lightning on a rainy day and she had burns, luckily JieJie had passed by and bought her home. As a gentle dog I was, I immediately helped JieJie curing Min by getting what JieJie orders me to do, sometimes I brush the floor with a broom during the night using my mouth and it was almost Chinese new year when JieJie hasn’t come back from work, but I still cant forget how she made me wonder about  her smell. On one winters night when JieJie was still not home, I went out to investigate where the funny smell came from the distance, I can smell a faint smell of that funny smell, but when I got to the gate, I instantly saw a dog outside was offered by food from a futuristic weird house with a man infront maneuvering something, it was not those kinds of house that was quiet but its insides where noisy, and when the dog was inside the door closed and ran off without the sign of the dog’s existence. I was kind of skeptical and clueless to what had happened and then there was a loud booMing chaos of gongs and people shouting and singing merrily in the far distance and so was that weird smell again tempting me so intensely to come and see, but as I was attempting to break open the gate, the gate opened and I was surprised because JieJie came out from it and so I merrily greeted her home and she petted me and when down on me to carry me inside. I cant see clearly to where she carried me but I was certain for the smell of our warm house was same and she left me besideMin who was passionately cleaning her paws. Now, I was starting to be suspicious and told Min what I had seen and so I said..

“There was this dog outside, he could be our neighbor and was offered food by a mobil house and ran away”

“What kind of house who runs away from its place? Well I, think that dog was kidnapped and was offered food to make him get inside the truck.” Min elaboratingly said

“Well, are you aware of JieJie’s smell?she had it for just a month or so”

“Aren’t you the dog here?how would I know that?..anyway I don’t want to know, I’d rather have food on my stomach than to starve myself, worrying about things that I should not worry and getting myself in trouble” Min indignantly said

And so I heard what she said but I had no intention to listen and so I enjoyed a scrumptious   meal from my bowl, that meal was also unusual because we rarely got to eat those kinds of food it was a human food, only on special occasions do  we eat those types of delicious food but this time it was sweet and sour..not like the usual human food we ate that has too much salt, but that day doesn’t have something special in it, it was just a  cold normal day like everything else.

         Morning came and JieJie went off, after a while she left, I also opened the gate and went outside for further investigation and walked cautiously beside the road, hiding behind the bushes. When I got to reach the other village, there were a lot of people crowding over the road of the village. There was a little  house for the food that was displayed, were humans get in line and they try to give a small piece of paper while others gave small silvery round things and will be traded off by that food. I was astonished as there was a big creature on the middle of the road jumping up and down, it was very long. I had never seen a creature before that has blue  fur or scales, I don’t know how to identify either way. The light ornaments all over the streets created a much more illuminated street but as I examined the wierd creature, alas! Humans were the one controlling the magnificent beast. All of a sudden I smelled it again, and I saw JieJie among that dancing creature, I almost did not recognize her due to the white stuff stuck to her face, I cautiously followed her until the end of where she went, and there I saw that human again inside that moving house. He’s with JieJie, they were happily talking to each other, I can feel JieJie was happy but I don’t trust and I will never trust that scum, not even one bit. And so I followed them everywhere and when midnight came, JieJie and that scum of a human parted and I was still not convinced to that scumbag’s  actions towards JieJie and so I followed him to a filthy dark alley where I can smell that funny smell even when there’s a lot of smell going on due to the festival and when I saw what that smell’s source was, I was horrified at the sight of dogs everywhere inside hundreds of filthy pooped cages, but due to the color of my fur and my petite  body, I wasn’t able to be spotted due to the darkness of the surroundings but the familiar smell came on too strongly and to my surprise that scum picked and grabbed me from behind with no difficulty and threw me to one of the dirty cages where four other dogs with different breeds are locked up before me, snatched from their loving families and homes.i was scared and so was the other dogs before me. They were even more scared than me. They were shivering from the cold because their furs were shaven off  and then  asked them to what had happened and what will happen. One of the dogs named Yugi and is awfully big told me that we are going to be sold off to merchants in the near town called Yulin and will be cooked  to death then will be bought up to people in stalls in that festival like the one I saw on pre-entering the town. It was horrid hearing their stories, I became fearful for my life and regretted to have left my comfortable home with Min and JieJie for my curiosity. After the day of my capture, my captors shredded my beautiful wooly fur and I thought to myself, if I ever get to escape, JieJie and Min wont be able to recognize me and so I was stressed. As I was sleeping bare on one cold night shuddering, then I heard someone familiar calling me, I thought I was just dreaming so I thought I would not open my eyes, but then the noise came on too persistently , then I opened my eyes and to my amazement, Min had found me.“You know, I somehow told you not to be nosy” Min said scratching her neck with her hind foot

“Uhm, well atleast I found out something…...”

“And so do I” Min snapped

“………….like JieJie has a friend that she likes and that person turns out to be the head of this compound, and if you wont get me out of here fast, I will be toasted to that Yulin town” I continued.

“Well, I s’pose I can lead JieJie to where you are”

After that conversation, Min disappeared out of thin air. Morning came, it was just like the other days where they did nothing, the only thing unusual was that in each day, ten cages were taken away to the compound, days had passed until only ten of the cages wer

e left, time was running low  and we have been carried out to the truck and out to the open, I have no choice but to wait, to be scorched to infernal doom or to be saved. To tell you honestly I don’t even care anymore, it was like I was drunk and drugged with my own misery, how do I change my fate? I am just a mere small dog with nothing to fend for. I was out of hope until the truck that carried us suddenly stopped leaving the tires screeching from the pavement and heard a loud bump infront of the truck, suddenly the truck went sideways and has flipped ajar  the truck’s door and so do our cages. Just as I was all out of hope, a miracle happened, when I went outside, the place was all so familiar, then suddenly my heart jolted because I was already at home infront of our house, but when I went to see what caused our crash, I was abashed in terror to see JieJie and Min laying on the middle of the pavement surrounded by a sea of their blood, catching their life’s breath, but as I shrieked and called for them in agony, one thing that has perplexed my senses was that the dying JieJie’s abdomen was protruding and so when I smelled her abdomen, it smelled of life, but quickly wasting away. I don’t know how I would feel, to be happy, to be sad or to be guilty. I wanted to help them, but I cannot do so...after all I am just a small dog who cannot communicate for help. One thing’s for certain, my actions caused their lives.

Note:

JieJie: ate

Baobei: baby  

#msjschronicles #myown

[crazykendal]

Im Not Allowed To Use My Computer But Here I am

Get ready for a ton of grammar errors im sorry

1.) What’s better, having high expectations or having low expectations?

low expectations, if you don't ever want to be hurt

2.) Would you rather go without junk food for a year or go without TV for a year?

i’d go without tv for a year since I never watch tv besides netflix

3.) Describe your perfect man/woman.

not in the mood

4.) Thoughts on school dress codes?

eh doesnt bother me

5.)Any strange phobias?

deep water (still), seeing people during summer because im a mess, abandonment 6.) At what job do you see Donald Trump best fit?

president?? oh but people are gonna hate me if I say that haha fucking hate me more 7.) Who was your first crush?

this one boy I dont think I ever even talked to before, honestly what the actual fuck 8.) Who was your first best friend?

she knows who she is. I dont consider her a best friend but she is my closest friend ever. No its not my cat. Ive known her for 10 years 9.)What is one weird thing about you?

I hate myself but that isnt weird, idk 10.) Top 5 TV shows you like to watch? The walking dead and The 100.. thats just it haha

11.) What are your favorite boys names? oh like friends or actual names. Im going to do just names because im going to stop exposing myself and stop being so honest. actually I have no favorite boy names haha

12.) What are your favorite girls names? Brooklyn haha I haven't finished that stupid wattpad story yet

13.) Do you have any tattoos? If so, what are they? no

14.) Do you plan on getting (more) tattoos? If so, what do you want to get as of the moment? i would want to get tattoos if they didnt hurt when applied.

15.) Do you have any piercings? Do you plan on getting more? no

16.) Do you like hugging people? depends on who. but now, no

17.) Think of ANY person on earth right now.  Who did you think of? a friend who im going to see on wednesday

18.) Do you have an iPhone? yeah I dont use it anymore

19.) What is the worst thing that could happen in your life right now? hmm maybe if some guy didnt go to my school next year but that isn't happening

20.) Do you watch anime? no ive watched like 2 animes years ago.

21.) What brings true happiness? getting a grip and letting everything go. Im free of a lot of pain ive been going through for a few months and its the first time ive been truly happy with myself even though I want to fucking- nevermind hahahaha

22.) What is the most expensive thing you’ve ever paid for? I feel like I should know this, but i have no idea

23.) If you could have any job in the world and get paid millions of dollars a year for it, what would you be and why? idk

24.) Do you want children? If so, how many? no

25.) Name and describe someone who you feel most comfortable around. honestly no one, including myself, my trust isnt something everyone has anymore

26.)If you could invent a holiday, what would it be? lexadeservedbetter

27.)Would you rather have summer weather or winter weather all year round? winter weather, gotta be cold like my heart

28.) If you could make an alien race, describe what they would look like. they’d look like all the people I hate so I can murder them

29.)  What was the first thing you learned to cook? i cant cook, I kinda can but it ends up with my mom yelling at me

30.) Describe your sense of humor. Im a joke. people laugh at me because of how fucking stupid I am. I get used to it.

31.) What is the key to happiness? don't worry about anyone else until you've worked yourself out.

32.) How many phone numbers do you have committed to memory? Whose numbers are they? my mom’s and emergency services :)

33.) Name three songs that make you want to dance. Come Over- Clean Bandit, Wasted Youth- Fletcher, and Caught Up- Sarah Close

34.) What job did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a mom, dont ask me how I thought that was a fucking job besides what the fuck was I even thinking a mom? what. the. fuckkkkk

35.) Do you have any talents or skills? I can get really angry :)

36.) What was the worst punishment you’ve ever had? I was grounded for like 2 months you can ask me how if you want btw

37.) Did you ever do anything weird as a child? yes there were many things

38.) What is your dream car? ooohh I never thought about that probably a pegassi zentorno (doesn't exist in real life look it up)

39.)  Describe something that made you laugh this week. Ive over come stuff that I can finnally look back and realize how stupid I was.

40.) Did you have a dream last night? If so, describe it. i dreamt a lot last week and its so irrelevant to me nowwww

41.)  Do you ever have repetitive dreams? Describe it/them. repetitive like always that one person in them, yeah

42.) Describe the worst/ scariest dream you’ve ever had. I had a really nice dream and I woke up and I was sad hahaha story of my life

43.) Describe the best dream you’ve ever had. ^^

44.) If God himself gave you a choice of either having unlimited money for the rest of your life or finding your one true love starting tomorrow, which one would you choose (keep in mind, you are still able to make a ton of money if you choose love, and you are still able to meet your soul mate if you choose money)? trick question god doesn't exist :) but probably unlimited money because love is fucking useless and retarded

45.) If you could do anything (and I mean ANYTHING) right now without consequences, what would you do and why? run away and see a friend I haven't seen all summer

46.) Do you have any recipes that you know off the top of your head? What is it/ what are they? no

47.) Do you have your license? If so, do you have a car? no

48.) Have you ever had a near death experience? yes im not going to describe it

49.) Do you personally know anyone that has been to prison? yep

50.) Have you ever been in a physical fight?

yep

51.) When you get out of the shower, do you towel dry, blow dry, or air dry your hair? air dry unless I have to go somewhere i will usually blow dry.

52.) When you go to the movies, what snacks and drinks do you take with you? just a ton of candy hahahaha

53.) Do you like going to the beach? If so, do you like to stay dry or go in the water? If not, why? no

54.) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

no

55.) If you could have a superpower ASIDE from being invisible or being able to fly, what would you have? oh my fucking god that's what I was going to write. how bout shape shifting or something

56.) If you were able to live for however long you wanted to (i’m talking thousands of years without aging), when would you choose to die? when I got bored, I cant say lonely because I already am

57.) What do you think happens after you die? youre body stops working and people put you in a hole in the ground

58.) Do you believe in aliens? sure

59.) Do you believe in ghosts? 50/50

60.) Do you believe in spiritual things like ouija boards, tarot cards, and crystals? Do you believe they are portals for evil entities to enter the mortal world? haha no but ouija boards are fun to trick people with haha *Meghan*

61.) If you could make one mythical being real, who/what would you make?

my will to live

62.) Do you get tan, or do you burn? burn

63.) Describe your shower routine. too long

64.) Do you enjoy school? Why or why not? no because the people there suck and its much to stressful

65.) In your opinion, what is the worst way to die? probably falling.

666.) Do you get carsick, sea sick, or airplane sickness? none, ive never been on an airplane so idk

67.) What’s one memory that you wish you could live again and again? ..

68.) What were some of your stuffed animal’s names from when you were a kid? hattie my stuffed chicken haha

69.)Do you have any pets? 69 cats :)

70.) Describe your daily wardrobe. dark

71.)  Describe what your daily wardrobe would be if you were rich. probably the same

72.)  Create a character right now.  Give them a name, age, and character description. are you fucking with me im writing out a new character for some private stuff as I work on this survey.

73.)What was the last thing you bought? a couple books

74.) Have you ever bought a CD? What band was it for? the last cd I bought was hfk :)

75.) Describe your perfect ice cream sundae. cookie dough and im gooood

76.) If you could make ANYTHING happen right now with no cost, trouble, or obstacles, what would you do? cant say but anything could happen by ellie goulding is annoying and I love it

77.) What are some of your favorite physical activities to do? running but I havent run in a long time and im out of shape

78.) What were some of your favorite shows as a child? dont remember

79.) Describe how you would survive the zombie apocalypse. id make a group and Id lead it, id also make sure chandler riggs and alycia debnam-carey would be there because I love them and theyve both been in zombie shows. yesssss

80.)What are some things you shouldn’t say at work? when does the boss retire

81.) If you were told that if you killed someone, you would save 100 people, would you do it? if one the 100 people were clarke griffin, yes.

82.) How’s the weather right now? its dark

83.) What is the background on your cell phone right now? its lexa with a ton of thug life stuff added onto her haha

84.)Is it better to work at a job that you love or a job that pays well? job that pays well

85.) What do you have within arms reach of your bed? my alarm clock

86.) Have you ever been fired from a job? If so, why? no

87.) Have you ever won a trophy, prize, or medal? If so, for what? two stupid school medals and thats it

88.) Do you have any posters, pictures, or art hanging on your walls in your room? If so, what are they? video game map posters, shitty drawing i havent taken down and comic and movie posters

89.) Are you afraid of the dark? If so, why? I used to be haha I think I still am.

90.)What is something that you’ve never done but would like to try? been a good friend to anyone

91.) If you could choose three famous people or characters to be friends with, who would you choose and why? just friends? thats hard. probably Stevie Boebi, Alexis G. Zall and Ally Hills. I would say Shannon Beveridge but I have like this huge crush on her alright

92.) Do you smile at strangers when you pass by them on the street? no because I hate people

93.) Do you have a favorite TV commercial? If so, what is it? life alert

94.) Do you like your handwriting? no it looks like a little kids handwriting

95.) Cable TV or Netflix? netflix

96.) What are your favorite smells? everything at bath and bodyworks please

97.) Do you consider yourself physically strong? I wish dood

98.) Describe a time where you said something really rude or mean, whether intentional or not.

I told some people thing that weren't true about them just because I was really mad. #dickhead

99.) Do you ask strangers to pet their dogs? no

100.)What is your most embarrassing moment?

my lifespan

101.) Has anyone really close to you ever died? If so, who was it and how did you handle it?

 my cat maverick, my grandma and lexa

102.)  Describe your plan of action if you were home alone and you heard someone break into your house.

I gotta knife drawer and i’d love to use it

103.) If you were to be born again, would you want to be born male or female?

male, im not saying i want to be a guy but id like to experience things differently

104.)  What shampoo do you use?

idk

105.) Guess the meaning of this word: ulotrichous.

something horrible, or myself

106.) Do you let messages (phone, email, text, social media, etc…) build up, or do you have to look at them right away?

no one ever texts me im always the one to start a convo and that sucks

107.)  Where is the nearest McDonalds to your house?

probably like 5 miles away

108.)  If you had $1 billion and you had to spend it in exactly one week, what would you spend it on?

id buy a house and a ton of cars even tho I cant drive yet

109.) What is the best thing you’ve ever eaten?

pizza

110.) If you could go on a trip around the world with up to three people, who would you bring (they can be people you know personally or famous people).

ellie goulding, chandler riggs and alycia debnam-carey

111.) What expletive/ explicit phrase do you say most often?

frick frack fuck

112.) What is your personal definition of success?

finishing something the correct way

113.) How was your day today?

ive been doing yardwork and I volenteered at fieldhaven

114.) What is the closest Big City you live by?

sacramento

115.) Have you ever been in a car accident?

yes but they were never serious

116.) Do you hide anything from your parents?

all the time like hmm idk my sexuality

117.) If you could possess one talent, what would you be able to do?

make myself invisible :)

118.) Ugly and smart or beautiful and stupid?

depends on the person

119.) What is the worst thing you’ve ever seen in real life?

myself

120.) Use only 3 words to describe how you want your future to go.

i hate myself

121.) QUICK! give me a few things a brick could be useful for

you can throw them at people

122.) If you could make a dream society, describe it in great detail where it would be, who would be in it, and what rules there would be?

 the lost youth is a band of teens who pull children off the streets and always get into fights with the other gang, the redemption. there will be blood.

123.) If you could make any animal miniature, what would you make and why?

cats

124.) What are your favorite candle scents?

I dont really have and candles so idk

125.) If you HAD to have one plastic surgery, what would you get and why?

my nose

126.) Do you prefer to hang out with the same sex or the opposite sex?

depends on who but right now no one

127.) If you could make a charity, what would the profits go towards? How would you raise money for it?

myself because I am poor

128.) Describe the body you wish you had.

I wish I was taller

129.) If you were a famous director, what would your next movie be about? Describe the plot, characters, and possible title.

the lost youth

130.) If only women were to rule the world, how different would the world be by 2050?

im not being sexist but it wouldn't be all that great but maybe politics could get better I have no idea

131.) What is your favorite alcoholic drink?

chocolate milk :) yes

132.) Do you have a problematic friend?

im the problematic friend

133.) Are you more spontaneous or more of a planner?

depends on the situation

134.) If you could change your full name, what would your name be?

not saying

135.) What is one song that describes your life?

hard times- paramore

136.) What is one show you’ve been meaning to watch but can never find the time for?

the rest of the 100 why the fuck are so many people dying I needed a break after lexa died and now all the nightbloods and lincoln are dead. duh fuck

137.) Do you find it easy to drop toxic people from your life that you’ve known for a long time?

Id have to ask people because people talk behind my back telling them im toxic. if you were me its understandable and im totally alright with it now

138.) Do you like children? Why or why not?

no children fucking suck

139.) What is your zodiac sign?

Pisces rising, Sagittarius sun, and and Capricorn moon

140.) Do you like to dance? Do you dance often? In front of other people?

yes but i cant haha

141.) Name some of your favorite colors.

blue and black and sometimes orange and purple

142.) Have you ever shoplifted? If so, what was it?

no

143.) If you could speak three additional languages, what would they be?

danish, french, and japanese

144.) Have you ever been in legal trouble?

no

145.) Have you ever had surgery?

no

146.) If you could change 2 things about yourself, what would you change and why?

my sexuality and my face haha

147.) What do you want done with your body after you die?

i dont care

148.) What three physical features do people compliment you most on? What do they say about them?

usually my hair because im ugly

149.) If you could have your own business, what would you do?

own a large company, I dont know

150.) What current friend do you have that you’ve known the longest?

im going on vacation with her for a week in Oregon that’ll be funnn

ok so I could totally tag you olivia but I just made you do that other really long one so if you're reading this you can if you want haha