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russdoc · 7 years

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A collection of only a few logs of messages from Murdoc Faust Niccals to Russel Hobbs Jr between 2012 and 2014. Most of these are, er, left unanswered. Continue with caution. (also on ao3)

[LOG 1]

[08:14] Long time no see big drummer boy

> I know, I know. You miss me terribly. Spare the details.

>Have you checked your mail? You might see a little package sent from yours truly

>I can't exactly spell it out for you across the interwebs, babe, with all of these thousands of bots watching. I've been listening to these tech geeks and while their fashion sense is abhorrent they have raised a few good points about what I can and cannot let go uh. Leaking on here.

>What I'm trying to say is that once you've checked your daily mail UK I do expect to be...hearing back from you. In person, that is.

[15:47] And please don't feed me that “hurrr I don't no how t reed a mahp!” crap because if I remember correctly YOU were the one that got on MY case about getting lost in Vegas and somehow ~magically~ got us back in Miami.

>You were so proud of yourself it made me gag.

> Take the map and get your butt in gear, Hobbs. You get lost in the middle of the ocean I'm sure as hell not searching for you.

[23:22] I mean. The map behind the cocopuffs cereal I sent you! Very difficult. I always end up making the monkey drown. Hopefully you can take him to shore, Russ! Haha.

>You know what forget it that monkey deserves to fucking drown. I hate his stupid face.

[23:55] Fuck it.

>If you're not on my beach in a month, Hobbs, I'm making this album without you.

[LOG 2]

[17:33] I'm going to assume from your silence that you're right on your way then. Good choice.

>This album is gonna be fooking wild, Russ. La Soul is back, I got snoopy the dog on board and even Womack man himself! What a banger.

>I actually feel sorry for you, man.You're really missing out.

>See you x

[01:12] the x was a typo

[LOG 3]

[09:14] These cyberfreaks tell me the connection is “beyond excellent” here but clearly that's not true if I'm being ignored by you like this.

[LOG 4]

[12:55] Lisfen, Rus, I know you're big deal is being the shy, qieut one in the band but honestly tht shtick is starting to wear thin on me.

>answer me asshead

>you realy wnna play ths game huh

> Fine. Fcuk u 2.

[LOG 7]

[19:23] Christ I wish you were here.

> Not because I miss you

> These fucking dolts don't know the difference between their left and their right when it comes to music.

> If you were here you'd slap some sense into them

> With a fish

> Get it because we're on a beach

> Cmon that's hilarious

[LOG 13]

[16:03] I've already got a song that needs drums so you better move it drummer boy.

> you wouldn't want me use the drum machine again do you

> you know the fans fucking hate that thing

> everyone wants acoustic but I can't exactly deliver when you're not here

> it's not for me

> it's for the album

[LOG 16]

[07:13] you're lost. Admit it

> I get it. It must be hard doing anything without me

> the album is going great without you. Fantastic. Amazing.

> Splendid

> Groundbreaking

> Inspiring

[10:33] pls get here soon

[LOG 20]

[11:18] Russ if you don’t get here soon I’m gonna pull out all of my beautiful hair

>and it’ll be a tragedy for everyone

>do you wanna be responsible for that, hm? The loss of murdoc niccals’ gorgeous locks? The world would be in tears

[21:09] it’s not like I’d expect an egghead like you to understand

[LOG 24]

[14:49] wtf did you need all of these hats for

>you never wore them when we went out to the club

>a shame really. They make a fella feel real classy

>they smell like you too.

>like coconuts

>you’d think I’d be sick of the smell since I’m on this island

>but its you, russ

[17:22] I didn’t type that.

[LOG 30]

[13:55] this fooking island man

> I must say I'm very proud of myself

> I made it all pink. You'd like that yeah

> I didn't make it like that for you

[17:18] it fucking stinks tho

> like, its literally all trash

> I gotta get super extra drunk just to numb it lol

> luckily I got all these hats too lololool

[23:59] how do you delete messages that have sent

> FUCK WRONG TAB

[LOG 36]

[12:57] wanna know what 2d’s doing with that mask

>👋👺

>😏👌👈

> 👅🍆💦

>wanna know what I wanna be doing

>🛁🍆🍑🚿 >🔥👌👈😫💥💦 >🍴🍑👈

[15:47] cmon these are genius

[16:02] I want your 🐓

[16:18] the internet is a wonderful place

> I want you to 👏 my 🍑

[20:18] god I'm bored

> I hope you know you're responsible for this

> if you were here 💋 my 🐓 I wouldn't have to resort to this

[LOG 43]

[15:38] russsssss were r u

>I'm sso drunk right no lol

>2d got a waterlemon for a head snoops soo gud at party trix you'd lov him mmnrydk

>whops

>I hope ur safe on ur way here

>pls talk 2 m

>zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

>I'm sleeping

>zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[LOG 45]

[00:00] god I'm such an asshole

[LOG 50]

[02:44] I'm sorry I didn't visit after noodle disappeared

> or called

> I thought you hated me

> which is understandable

> and I didn't want you not wanting to see me

> so I just avoided you

> which is shitty, I know that now

> you were hurting. We all were.

> and I left you like a coward

> but I'm sure

> I'm sure you're doing good for yourself

> I just wish we were um

> friends. like we used to be.

> I got in a bad crowd, Russ. Like I always do.

> but this time I'm not sure I'm gonna recover that easily

> and I ju

> I think what I'm trying to tell you is that I'm sorry

> I'm sorry

> if this island is still standing when you get here

> I hope you know that. At least

[LOG 67]

[18:07] D kept babbling to me about this dumbass dream he had

>where you showed up but with noodle

>he’s convinced it’s true. The fucking nerve of him

>can you believe I have to deal with this shit

>he’s the only other company I have around here since the collabs esc

>left

>I bet if you were here you would’ve shook some decency in him lol

>fuck its so boring here without you

>now that I think about it there’s really not that much about this place

>i mean

>you can get some plastic trees

>and me, of course

[20:02} oh wait that’d make a wicked lyric

>at least there’s one good thing from you ignoring me like this

>hurry up fatass

[LOG 88]

[07:23] I'm sure you know about her already

> cyborg noodle, that is

> pretty impressive, right?

> looks just like noodle.

> talks like her. plays like her

> honestly, she kinda weirds me out sometimes

> sometimes I think

> maybe she's the real noodle

> and she's gonna kill me. For what I did. At any moment

> and I think of shutting her down

> but then she looks at me and I sense this...Fear, maybe. Like she understands. And I feel bad. So I don't.

> like I feel sorry for her. Maybe because she looks like noodle helps too.

> or because she's the only other person or, well, thing I can talk to on this miserable beach

> I don't know why I'm telling you this

> maybe it's because you're the only other person I can talk to too

> not that you ever answer lately

> like a broken robot

> haha

> went full circle didn't it

[08:03] I'm so lonely

[LOG 102]

[00:17] I'm convinced that a shark ate your phone or something

> so I don't feel the least bit scared about sending you anything anymore

> I love you

> it hurts a lot not saying that

> so typing it is the best next thing

> I love you

> I hate this fucking island. I hate it more than 2D. But I'm waiting and I'm hoping that you'll come to me. And I'll play you this wicked album and maybe you'll love me again. I'm always so close to finally taking it too far with my drinking and throwing myself into that boogieman’s arms and ending it. But I just wanna see you one last time.

> I love you.

[06:18] for once I'm hoping you didn't read that

[LOG 119]

[22:12] I thought inviting de la soul onto the album would really spice things up

>instead we got some fucking jingle about jellyfeet or whatever

>ugh

>it wouldn't be that good if it was all just sad songs I suppose

>I guess I'm more angry that I can't come up with anything as poppy as that lately

[23:00] aw fuck it this song grew on me

> you ever tasted jellyfish? I'm kind of tempted now…

> we can have some when you get here

[LOG 155]

[05:17] Hey remember that one time Noodle got mad at us because we were mixing “our” cereal with “hers”

> so we went out and bought specific branded stuffs

> and then YOU got mad because you thought I ate yours

> but I didn't

> 2d did

> asshole admitted it to me last night.

> not that you would believe me anyway

[06:09] oh fuck

> that was like, 8 years ago, wasn't it?

> holy shit

> I feel so old

[06:15] I miss you

[LOG 176]

[03:55] 2D keeps looking at me with his wide white-out eyes and it makes me so angry because those are your eyes

>But I'm not looking at your face

>I didn't think it was possible for me to hate him even more but here I am

[LOG 177]

[13:33] who am I kidding

> everything reminds me of you

> I hate it so fucking much

> I think I'm losing my mind

> its been what? A year? A little over a year? And I'm still hanging on the hope that you'll appear out of nowhere

> and whisk me away

> I think I'm really hitting the lowest point, Russ

> It's finally caught up with me

> please

> giygcyuvyrsdhijkbijuygre

>auj

[LOG 205]

[11:27] I'm sorry for all of that. Jesus. I'm such a mess.

> I don't know what to do anymore

> I think

> I think if you've somehow.

> Somehow missed all of these messages. And stumble upon them now.

> I want you to know that um

> I want you to delete them.

[LOG 212]

[09:57] welp. These live shows are a fucking sham.

> I don't even know why I bother.

> you know what I'm just gonna fucking kill them.

> I hope those weirdos are reading these messages

> so they know I'm coming for them

> 2d is no help. Whimp can't even knock tin can over when she's asleep

> that's what I call cyborg noodle sometimes. She likes it

> if you were here you would've knocked albarn into another planet with one swing

> I think I swooned a little at the thought of that

[10:34] I know you're out there. Somewhere. Those tech geeks showed me on their drones

> I mean, you look forty times your size but they're speculating its just the camera

> sure

> hey, Russ, if you've turned into some kind of whale, could you visit 2ds window for me? I think he'll love it

[LOG 239]

[00:36] you know

> I slept with plenty of people since we separated

> but tonight was the first time

> I imagined it was you

> it made me sick. Not gonna lie

> I think you ruined sex for me

> that sounds way more sinister than i intended

> i guess what i’m saying is that i would sooner vomit on strangers than not be with you

> is that romantic enough

> answer me whale man

[14:22] my whale man

> i like that

> i mean i wouldnt ever use it again

> like ever

> but yknow

[LOG 240]

[23:44] i chnged my mind

>i crid on d2 shouulder toniet.

> that was my lwst pont

[LOG 254]

[19:27] (external image)

> (external image)

> shit second last was sent on accident

> please don't think my dick looks like snoop doggs manicured nails now

> though that would be epic

[LOG 260]

[22:19] not to sound gay or anything

> but the sunset today was fantastic

> the purple blue pink kind

> i hope you got to see it wherever you are

> i mean

> it would’ve been nice if you were HERE

> but yknow

[23:55] or maybe if I was there.

> shit

[LOG 277]

[17:29] I'm feeling a lot better lately

> I mean, I'm still drunk and hating everyone

> but ever since the album has been officially done

> I've been working on this radio show

> have you heard it? Its pretty good

> its mostly me talking to myself but yknow

> I've gotten quite good that

[LOG 283]

[18:59] that's it

> I'm dumping this laptop

> and this phone

> and you

> I'm not gonna wait around anymore, Russ

> when you show up, you'll show up

> but don't expect me on my knees grovelling for you like I have for the last pathetic two years of my life

> it was good while it lasted

> and if you miraciously happen to open your messages and see this then I hope you know there nothing you can do to stop me

> sayonara baby

[LOG 284]

[19:37] holy shit

>holy shit

> is it working??

> i think it is

> so um

> a lot just happened huh

> you’re alive

> and so is noodle

> we didnt have much of a warm reunion huh

> not at all what I imagined at least

> i’m so relieved you’re alive

> i havent cried in a long time but that

> im so glad i didnt die

[20:00] im gonna try and find you, ok?

> ive sat around for long enough

> see you soon

[LOG 299]

[12:56] haha

> guess who got himself in hot water

> that’s right

> im gonna be in the slammer for a long time

> a real long time

> and I just

> i know this is probably too much to ask

> but if you can

[13:00] wait for me

> i love you

[LOG 300]

(/RUSSEL HOBBS/ CONNECTED)

(08:15) i love you too

#russdoc #mussel #god this is so self indulgent im sorry #time to be a lame tool yet again on this blof #idk why i feel like i need to clarify this but #its ok to rb

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