#its kinda shit but I tried so theres that

[girlwithfish]

my ex was saying men are only into me bc they have an asian fetish no comment. like idk what am i to do about that. idk i just try to root out the creepy ones from the normal ones. u just gotta b normal about that shit. idk. its not my fault lmfao im just existing. ur the one calling me an asian slut whore cunt whatever go dieee

#can u tell im still pissed and hurt and angry at him #ill move on eventually #its just like oh the person i thought id spend my life w is kind of deeply troubled and has mistreated me so much and also said really nast #shit to me lmao #idk hownto move on #and im repressing a lot of stuff that i just kinda let slide and tried not to think abt like the violence and when id get scared #its all in some hidden attic in my head :/ #wah #i have soo much trauma #sometimes i can think its not that bad but ik theres sm lol #It starts off w verbal abuse and disrespect and they just push u further cuz they know they can get away with it #then its pushing u on the bed and saying its not a big deal its just onto the bed. Breaking ur stuff. and the response after matters #its always so lame hed never even feel that bad or always excuses #:p im hateful but im allowed to be idgaf

[syntheticpaperd0ll]

i get that school is important and stuff and teachers want kids to learn but im getting particularly sick on one of mine constantly saying that we absolutely must do the homework at any cost. plan around work he says, plan around extracurriculars. i get it. but i can't plan around mental illness and i think a lot of teachers fail to realize that. of all the teachers ive had the ones that assign homework regularly are these people. extreme example but if i start wanting to rip my skin off and die really badly due to sensory overload i am not going to be doing fucking math homework. my priority in that case was trying to calm myself down so i didnt mentally break and stop talking for the rest of the day and that took ages and it took energy. i can assure you i would not have had the mental capacity to do math that afternoon and the rest of the night. big admission but ive OD'd before, and on nights when that happens there is no fucking way im doing math homework. the simple fact that im at a low enough point to even consider that suggests that i need some form of help, and the fact that i end up actually doing it warrants a hospital visit in the worst case i believe. im at the point where im considering just telling him that ive OD'd and didn't do the homework if ever it happens again and seeing how strictly he upholds it then.

mental illness doesn't care about your math homework.

#mental health #teachers #being assholes specifically #'i tried to kill myself last night' 'okay but did you do the math homework??' #for me half the time theres other stuff to pile onto the shit show too #sometimes i just feel so nauseous i can barely sit up for unknown reasons #similar situation with headaches #it doesnt even have to be mental illness purely existing can stoo you from doing math homework #also long post #for clarity im fine with homework #i guess its kind of dumb bc what do we go to school for if we can do it at home #but i understand assigning stuff you didnt finish in class maybe ?? #or just extra learning not taught in classes #but this teachers specific way of enforcing it is kinda bs if you ask me

[minglana]

aaahhhhh i forgot how much this woman aggravates me😀

#so legally im pretty sure that we need x hours of rest aka quiet time. and before this yr we had 30 minutes more than was legally necessary #for unrelated reasons they decided to push it back half an hour for everyone except for the youngest kids #the youngest kids are close by the office. but IM closer. so i hear everything #i have complained multiple times about the noise. that this woman lets kids stay in the office past bedtime talking w her #while im trying to sleep (or study etc) #the security guards dont give a shit either. they have aragonese intonation and voice. which means they are LOUD as fuck. #but they dont try to lower their voices. what makes me the maddest tho is this woman #she puts a façade of being super kind and caring abt everyone. but when i complain. nothing. 'oh im so sorry ur right. it wont happen again #rinse and repeat the next day and the next week and the next month #llike if they tried to keep the volume down i wouldnt complain as much. but not only can /i/ hear them. the entire floor can hear them #and there are kids that are supposed to have been sleeping for an hour already. and i dont think this is helping AT ALL. #and i cant complain anymore bc its like. the director does nothing. he just says 'hey theres been noise complaints' and thats IT #hes not very good at being imposing like a director is supposed to be😭he kinda... lets everyone walk over him tbh #z xarre

[karda]

i wish every game had a minecraft creative mode . i love exploring in games and enjoying the atmosphere and design but im just fucking Not Good at them. i would not last 5 minutes in dying light 2 no matter how beautiful i think it looks lmao

#makes.me kinda sad #im judt not good at combat or shooting games #tthe only games ive ever finished are botw and various pokemon ones #ive tried to play assassin's creed and the witcher games and im judt not good but they r so pretty i wish they had a god mode #the only shooting games ive ever played happily are halo reach and cod and thats bc its with my cousins and theres literally no skill #just fun shooting each other lmao #i also have a huge huge irrational fear of zombies. its my second biggest fear. so no shit i cant play dying light but god the games just #its so fucking pretty #rambling

[hecksupremechips]

Constantly torn between writing a character to be just a nice guy and writing that character to be the most fucked up creature in existence

#the klock keeps ticking #like theres a line at some point where you cant make this all one guy but you just. really want to #like yeah lets say we got some fucked up guy who tries really hard to be nice and sweet despite the horrors #but you know what if i want him to get kinda bitchy too cuz how can i expect him not to be? hes been through some shit and hes only human #but how bitchy can i make him before he just kinda becomes an asshole #i guess though people are pretty complicated so sometimes its just kinda like that #i must once again hail rebecca gales as the character ever like girl shes sooooo #shes so genuinely sweet and caring and attentive and shes so bitter selfish and jealous #shes gotta make like the biggest effort to be nice and simultaneously the biggest effort to be mean #its just so refreshing to see idk someone who is generally a good person but shes really fucked up about it #like this doesnt come easy to her! everything in her wants to act like a petty child! #and she does! shes really fucking immature and she thinks shes above it all when shes the worst out of everyone! #and thats just such a nice thing to see just a very human character #and shes just like me for real aaaaaa god like guys this freaking character has helped me cope so bad #like shes not a monster shes just. a person having a bad day and not coping very good #yeah this post wasnt even about her but I made it about her now ive just been thinking about rebecca a lot lately OKAY #we cant all be perfect sometimes we just gotta be rebecca at least im brave enough to admit it #anyways i have pretty similar tangents about ryuki shin marianne shinjiro and junpei

[gaysexforlosers]

when the Thoughts kick in and i gotta remind myself its after 8pm so im not allowed to listen. but damn they r making some good points 🙃

#percy posts stuff #vent #think i might be relapsing in my ed which is. not so fun #i came rlly close a few times earlier this year too #everythings been kinda. worse overall. in regards to my mental health #idk #i was at the doctor a few days ago & they took my height and weight and shit and. im #knowing makes it. harder #and i keep seeing like. little reminders of it. all the time #which is probably just in my head but. yeah #& then theres this. one fucking song. i heavily associate w it. that came on my spotify earlier today #and normally im fine w it bc its a good song its like a normal song #i j used to listen to it a lot when i was. in the worst parts of it #and now i kinda feel like im there again #and. idk #its such a stupid trigger #its not even rlly a trigger. idk. bc normally its fine for me to listen to #i just. idk #this past week. since my doctors appointment. has been. weird #tried to ignore it & ate like. normal amounts the past few days but that just. made it worse i think #i feel. off #not sure how to like. reach out for help about this one boys #never have been lol when i did a couple years ago it was. really bad #i didnt actually want to accept the help back then even i just wanted someone to notice me i think #idk what im supposed to do now #my mom is really weird abt it and makes me feel worse. so i cant talk to her #and id feel. self conscious abt talking to my friends. and overbearing i guess? #its. harder to talk abt this than it is my other issues

[floorpancakes]

#they would be cringeworthy but excellent cat parents #pls clamp its what they need #as reward for all the shit they have been through they are rewarded with thematically compliant kitty #i have this mental image of the hc where like #obviously their entire meeting was a parallel to this so it hits extra hard #and like #idk doumeki comes back from work but he hears a mewing noise coming from the street corner #and theres this wet kitten barely able to mew very loud in like a soggy cardboard box #well we saw what happened to the first cat he saw muttering to itself in the rain in a precarious situation #and hes like #he just instinctively picks it up and tries to shelter it in his jacket or something and takes it home #and obviously watanuki would be like 'ur so stupid we dont know how to take care of a cat ive done no research that was so impulsive etc #but its kind of a fated moment given their entire....origin story and each of their combined experiences thematically speaking #when he sees the little thing he just kinda shuts up and IMMEDIATELY starts trying to figure this shit out #its probably touch and go for a few days as to whether the cat would make it but they pull through and all of a sudden #theyre cringe cat owners #the final state of being that they were building up to all along #they take the cat to the vet and the vet is like you don't have any other cats at home right??? #and doumeki is like oh i have two cats and watanuki steps on his foot with his heel and hisses for him to shut up #he is kind of flattered though #listen hes gotta get used to his position as a mandatory cat person soon enough #i would argue he would be REALLY into it once he stops giving a fuck #but thats besides the point #cat......they would be good with a cat.... #someone pinch me to write this #xxxholic #douwata #yeah

[cats-thoughts]

AJJ - Bad Things

#pretending like the lazy background actually has meaning part 5000 when will they stop? never. #I just. hate backgrounds #so this is actually inspired off of the arg Froglord wanted to make #there was a group of 4 of us and I. as like the only one with writing experience as far as i know. was tasked by the froglord - #- to basically write the story of the arg. like come up with the concepts in stuff #and i had a great time! came up with Lost Co (cause that's the 4 of us' group name) and a basic storyline and even a character #and then i am told 'Ok so now we are going to kill All Of Them' and 'its your fault for getting attached to the character' #(not by FL. FL wanted to kill off everyone which I HEAVILY DISAGREED WITH but other person in the group was just kinda rude?) #and I go HEY Killing all of the protags for shock value is Never a good idea No Body Likes That. #No Body Likes A Story Where The Good Guys Lose And Theres Nothing They Could Have Done About It #(okay well maybe SOME people do but personally it always felt so pessimistic and discouraging and quite frankly Lazy.) #and you know. no one was listening to me. they go Ok We Are Going To Kill Everyone and Your Character Is First #Because theyre likable and prepared which will make it twice as gut wrenching ^.^ #and I go You Know What. Fine. #AND I BACKED OUT OF THE PROJECT #I mean I just stopped messaging the group chat #never said 'im out' or anything just. stopped taking initiative and messaging #and wouldn't you know it. NOTHING HAPPENED AFTER I LEFT #no one messaged anything tried to plan anything nothing #I dont LIKE to take pride in spiteful shit like that but. Come On. Its a lil ironic. #look man you dont listen to the writer see how far you get #anyways Ive let Lost Co sit and broil in my mind for a while now and i still rlly like the idea #so this is what that is Semi based off of #okay that story makes me sound kind of like an ass. and I was. kinda an ass. but like its not That dramatic I'm serious i literally just #stopped saying 'ok here are concepts for the story here's a few ways we can pull it off what do u guys think any ideas/addons?' #and no one ever messaged the chat again #yeah after my last message- which was that my dad thought it sounded like a bunch of kids took too much lsd cause FL said the forest they #were trapped in was like 3 acres on the outside but 5 on the inside which is. A very very tiny patch of trees to get lost in- #the last message was a kinda uncomfortable mini vent of a friend faking 'the final ouch' as my teacher called it #I love my little guy Lost Co iPod from Kansas ^.^

[theantiproduct]

dating is weird

#went to this guy's apartment 4 the first time last night and it was soooooo bad man #we played mario cart and a card game #that was nice #bbuuutt his place is so dirty there were toenails clippings in the toilet bowl!!! bro wtf ive never seen that before #and his couch was old and shredded to pieces by his exs cats apparently but like idk cover it up maybe? am i overreacting? #he also did this thing where he scratched his ear with his pinky and gave it a shake? ive never seen anyone under 60 do that welp #i think that did it for me lol the ear thing ruined me dont ever do that with #with someone youve not been married to for 40 years man #hes also a bit shorter than i thought without shoes i felt like a giant sitting next to him and i know it's not the most important thing #but idkkkk its really sad cause i feel like we have so much in common which is kinda rare so idk do i give it a chance or let it go? #we still havent kissed cause im very much guarding myself and told his that #but im also wondering if i was more attracted to him i night have already tried to push myself to ger closer #not really used to feeling like this with men lol but also feel like theres not many options out there so do i try to make it work and #kinda settle yk? #tbh this is a great distraction from my health issues lol ill be dealing with that next week ha #lmk what u think if u read this shit #missed tumblr rants #personal

[earlyspringtranscendence]

i wish betting on wrestling was like a thing because while i would never win if i bet on anything else (am bad at recognising patterns that actually mean anything) i would cash in soooooo much because i can ALWAYS tell when a jericho feud’s gonna run way too long again 😌

#hello hi . im stressed out this fair sunday evening #feel like im failing at school already its been like a month and yet #one of my teachers v much implied i'd fail her assignment if i didnt do a bunch of extra shit and like #theres reasons for it that i can see from her side but theres also just the issue that i told her about of like #i just dont know how to work with that many materials and slash or i cant go out and buy all these things right now #and then she's like well go down to xyz and ask them to do it for you and its like honey i dont know why you think we've got such a like #mutually beneficial relationship going on between all the applied and fine arts in this school like #thats a fiction that lives in your head ... especially after we just didn't exist in this school for a whole year #and anyway. i went ahead and tried some different materials and its just like. you cant make up what an insane failure thats been #and its not that i didnt try my best its just that like idk what she wants from me #cause anyway theres a reason i picked the materials that i did the first time round #changing those just kinda changes the meaning of the thing in general... which is something SHE teaches us #anyway. and tomorrow i have class w someone who i'm Difficult with (as in like i have a hard time around her im not purposefully difficult) #(its just that she makes me feel that way cause of the 'tism and cause of the fact she thinks she knows how to handle the 'tism) #(she doesnt) #and again i did a lot of work for her im just sure she's gonna expect me to have done more #but in my defense. i need to go to the doctor and see if they can prescribe me some form of ritalin bc my exhaustion was so bad last wk #and has been bad for a hot second lately #and theres really only so much i can do with the spoons at hand #anyway. and im also Sad Right Now because ive been ignored and interrupted while saying things a little too frequently recently #and im not laughing. im having a Time. #i didnt even have that bad of a week all things considered but goddd i need a break

[bumbleblurr]

I find it somewhat funny the posts I'll make abt shock & blur that ppl will tag as ship with no hesitation but the posts I make of blur & bee together ppl don't notice those are meant to be ship even when I tagged them as such

#i have also seen someone tag a sh0ckbee post ive made with sh0ckblurr so thats interesting. blur wasnt even in there at all #idk im kinda realizing these days i might just be unable to enjoy sh0ckblurr at all. or close to just completely being unable to #like shruggies theres just. smth in my brain that just cant get into it at all #might be the same part that gets annoyed when the Your Mother post gets tagged as ship #i think the fandom has just Completely ruined the ship for me #i cant even get myself to be like ''whatever lets ignore the fandom im doing this MY WAY'' #my brain just gives up on trying it and gives up on step 1 #i think i legit just be so annoyed that ppl consider it the default blur & shock ship that i irrationally started hating it ajdhdkdhfkfjk #tho i dont give much of a shit if other ppl enjoy it like why should i? thats not my problem? #its just not for me even when i tried to give it a chance </3 #🐝 could you repeat the last part? 🟦

[bunnyb34r]

Lmao my day off was yesterday and all this DRAMA just unfolds and I'm like 😭 I just wanted to see funny pictures 😭😭

It was like that community gif with the pizza svdvvfgd

#i have thoughts™️ on the staff thing lmao but all im gonna say here is that they showed their hand by going all scorched earth on ONE blog #for being like ''kinda sus how theres people who actively support XYZ working there... maybe thats why shit doesnt get removed'' like #had they just ignored it or even just tried to defend themself but leave the blog online it wouldnt be this bad but its like oh so when its #one of your own you can remove all traces of someone but when someone else gets death threats for being trans theres nothing #you can do? bullshit you showed you do have the power to do it you just dont wanna. doesnt matter if the person doesnt even work in #content moderation staff as a whole proved they can remove ''harrassment'' and only will lift a finger to save their own #and the swe/den thing is so fucking funny i 100% believe it bc i know people like that man but like yall are freaks lmao #pretty much anywhere else in the world will show basic hospitality even when they themselves dont have much food bc its the human thing to #do sgdgdghd yall are just demons #marquilla #ill prob delete this later but i just find it funny how i woke up on my day off and the internet was on fire

[toastsnaffler]

FIRST CONTACT HAS BEEN MADE WITH OUR NEIGHBOURS !! mission accomplished B-)

#we tried to introduce ourselves a few weeks ago by leaving a note on the door inviting them to a whatsapp group for the flat #which was maybe a little overly familiar i guess most of them are too shy or uncertain abt us for that #but it would've been handy for sorting the state of our bins bc shit was EVERYWHERE theres a seagull problem around here #so we just ended up cleaning everything ourselves but one of them walked past + saw us cleaning + texted us to say thank u later :-) #she'd saved my flatmates number from when we'd put the note out but had been on holiday for a few weeks so hadnt replied yet #but yayyy theres one other real person living here !! my flatmate says theres more bc she can hear them sometimes but i cant (<- deaf) #anyway its just nice to be on friendly terms w neighbours i like having that kinda sense of community #and im ITCHING to meet new ppl. gonna go to one of the queer climbing meetups at the gym tmr so hopefully ill get smth out of that !! #theres also a queer parkour soc i wanna join but one thing at a time.. ill be too achey from climbing to go this week anyway #I want more friends that arent students 😭 and also preferably ppl who are older than me #its hard to meet likeminded queer ppl when u dont rly go to bars bc u dont drink + u kinda hate virtual interaction like dating apps #altho I'll probs try dating apps again eventually.. but I have other priorities for now lol I dont rly have the time to date anyone #ANYWAY back on the grind (<- applying for jobs) see u guys later if i havent spontaneously combusted by then #.diaries

[abby420]

there is something so painful about someone being mean to you when you have been nothing but kind and genuine and good to them

#im not saying im perfect and no one can be mean to me #thats not true people can be mean if im in the wrong lol #but im specifically referring to some shit that happened at work the other day #basically this one shift lead ive been scheduled with a lot has been kinda shitty lately and just being passive aggressive and angry towards #everyone and ive tried to excuse it bc theres been a shift in higher management thats kinda been stressing everyone out #but hes starting to be really....shitty to me #but then towards the end of the shift i asked a simple HELPFUL question of just hey do we need to bring anything else over? cause we go #back and forth between two buildings so i was like hey do we have everything we need #and remember hes the team lead its his job to know these things ? #and he just did not respond so i was like no? okay and then he started going offabout how i should just know things and shouldn't have to #ask questions etc #and that just pushed me off the edge #bc its like i dont ask stupid questions #i just ask questions to be proactive and make sure im doing what we need to do and that theres nothing im missing #and ive only been there like 5 months so im not like that experienced yet #but it was so frustrating bc like i DO work hard and i do try my best at this job #i show up 5-10 minutes early everyday #im never late i never call out and i work hard i do what im told to do #and i do it all with a positive attitude! like not to brag about myself but i do genuinely think of myself as a good person #like im kind im supportive i have #a positive attitude and dont engage in drama or talk bad about people #so the fact hes treating me so shitty because i ask too many questions (i think ?) is frustrating #because thats just me as a person #i ask questions about what we are doing and what i need to do and what needs to be done and sometimes i need specific instructions #thats just how i work thats me #hes being mean to me bc im being ME #and thats what hurts i think #idk #the fact that im also trying and im getting treated like shit also hurts #i even stayed an hour late that day....and he still yelled at me for asking questions

[stray-dude]

i have. come to some sorts of conclusions the past few days

probably the easiest to manage bc its just a random conclusion, i do not exactly hate kid laroi's music ? im not gonna say i like it but idk, its not bad. thanks fortnite lmao

also i am technically caught up in understanding deltarune thanks to a friend basically guiding me thru it bc my attention span would not be able to handle it on my own. i have opinions but also idk if theyre all that important.

now what ive spent the past few days doin, i. actually didnt know there was a homestuck continuation so i read it. i think .. i like it. idk im just rambling but like, my favorite character was finally made actually relevant and it started hitting close to home again and it made me feel shit again that i kinda thought i was over but now ? idk, its a lot to unpack specifically so i think i might uh. idk. leave it in tags or smth so if anyone was curious then knock yourselves out, but just know its personal n awkward as hell so its fine if its just ignored.

#zubes.txt #im not taggin the stuff i mentioned bc its just ramblins #basically i think seeing myself in dirk is reminding me of all my shortcomings as a kid and i really wish i could apologize #i used to be a huge asshole and i made horrible decisions and idk if its too late to be redeemed or not but eh #maybe its just the dumb adult complexities fuckin w me but i feel like i couldve changed for the better #but instead i kinda just turned into a little shit at times and i shouldnt have #dont get me wrong im glad i cut ties w some people like my exes but theres still a few loose ends that make me anxious. #idk maybe nobody wants to hear me whining anymore but sometimes i think about how i fucked things up way back when #i worried too much about wanting everything to just work exactly how i wanted it to that i tried to be too bossy #i hate my stupid need to be the mediator and i wish i knew when to not meddle in shit #but. that was like. fuckin 6 years ago or smth. idk if that stuff even matters. #or if some of those people even remember me at all. #maybe its best they forget me. #not in a depressing way but for their well being #as much as i appreciate friends i understand people outgrow each other so its not like i want people to remember me

[blue-rphub]

BRAND NEW STUPID MUSE MEME WEEWOOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what Splatoon weapon(s) would your muse main (from any of the games) <3

#i'ma put mine..... IN DA TAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #neo would either main dynamo roller OR... e-litre. unscoped. #the worst kinda player btw squidbags everyone and he's S+50 #OH also maybe hydra splatling. ust bcuz big and heavy #BIG FUCKIN HEAVYYYY weapons. oneshots ONLY #mint.... my girls a dualies main. probably dark tetra dualies #oh and she'd definitely play inkbrush bcuz that fucking weapon is annoying as shit #(i play inkbrush. im the annoying inkbrush.) #blaze..... idk about blaze. blaze is HARD ? #perhaps a splatana? i was thinking range blaster if only for the flames on it #or tri-stringer! i think i'll go with both tri-stringer / splatana #tri-stringer more so bcuz theres like 3 ways you can play it but its mostly long-range chip damage; mostly out of the action