#it's anything that alters your brain

[yellow-yarrow]

i think characters in elysium would say I think I huave covid tzaraath. wait a minute

Measurehead - "THE REVOLUTION CAME TO REVACHOL FROM GRAAD, IN TZARAATH-RIDDEN POTATO CARTS -- IT IS LITERALLY AN ILLNESS. A PRION DISEASE THAT LEAVES THE PARIETAL AND FRONTAL LOBE RIDDEN WITH HOLES. A SOFT, SPONGELIKE MASS OF DEMENTIA, HALLUCINATIONS, AND PARANOIA..."

what does this mean. obviously its following the themes of memory loss, but also

if what Measurehead said is true i imagine it probably messed with people's motorics skills, memories, etc.

Nilsen when talking about building Samara:

"I was a ruling machine on amphetamines, I never slept. None of us slept." (..) "You can’t imagine what happened here, how it was. It ran through the world like happiness intoxication.”

“Happiness intoxication? Amphetamine was common in your country then, and not yet medically tested.”

thinking about this from a gameplay perspective, everyone during the revolution must have had insanely hightened or lowered skills

#did tzaraath give class consiousnes to people lmao? #thinking about how elysium was originally a fantasy setting. did someone cast 'altering your brains' spell on people lol #this is all just speculation of course #is this anything #deep lore measurehead please tell us more #my point is: there must have been insane amounts of weird stuff going on during and after the revolution

[newyikecity]

tagged by @romansmartini to post my top 9 first watches of 2023 (which made me v excited bc i am soso normal abt movies<3)

there it is. ✨ I didn't watch too many new movies in 2023 (i have hyperfixates on tv shows disease) but I'm thankful to say I watched a ton I really liked! Including Recovery which only exists on youtube as far as I know but is well worth it and def the most unexpected gem of this list.

tagging @ctrl-esc, @frengers, @andbutsowhen, @bjerre, @wambs, @modernoracleofdelphi and any other dear mutuals who are interested. I love to snoop on what other ppl have been watchin 👀

#see the saltburn erasure on full display. sorry to my gay followers who liked this movie #also these are in rough order from fave to least if anyone cares. sound of metal supremacy my brain chemistry permanently altered forever👍 #also thank u to letterboxd that is absolutely the only way i could have remembered anything i watched this yr my memory is not that good<3 #(and sidenote- followers dm me your @ if youve got an acc on there and are interested in connecting i love making new letterboxd friends :^

[collegeboysam]

been watching house of the dragon and the uncle-to-niece/nephew toxic staring got me fucked up. gothic romance but make it inbred dragon royal family

#completely altered my brain chemistry and 100% for the worse #thats some fucked up toxic violent gourmet in'cest show yessir #'you said i could have anything. give me rhaenyra' and then beheading when someone calls her kids bastards?? BOYYYYY #'take me to dragonstone and make me your wife' BOOYYYYYYYYYY #then the guys: i take your eye and you are obsessed with killing me the rest of your life but regret it the moment you do it? BOOOYYYYYYY #cant get enough of crazy targaryens being crazy for their siblings' kids lmao #daemon is my favorite character btw love his mansplain malewife manslaughter ass

[theinfinitedivides]

hey does SRK giving the locker room speech during the last half hour of Chak De! India (2007) cause you to spiral into an emotional meltdown late at night or are you normal somewhat

#film: chak de india #chak de india #bollywood #local gay watches Bollywood.txt #no but you don't understand #'go. go and steal those seventy minutes from yourself. from your life. from God. from anyone that did not have faith in you. #go and steal your seventy minutes.' #i usually have a rule of thumb when it comes to my consumption of the Bollywood industry #and that is to never thank Salman Khan for anything #but i am making an exception here #ty Salman Khan for turning down this role so i could sit here and say that it has been added #to the ever growing list of things that chemically altered my brain #Shah Rukh said this for me #he came out here in 2007 and said this for me after giving this role a second chance bc he knew #he knew!!! #all the way in 2022 i would need to hear this #crying and shaking rn sir iconic performance

[riot-control-camp]

one piece openings so far have just been like

we are: i have bonkers catchy chords and my visuals are heartwarming, symbolic, and compelling. i can't wait to become an instant classic!

believe: maybe i'm a slight visual downgrade and a different vibe, but i have big shoes to fill! maybe i don't quite succeed at doing that but my vocals are still great and i do a fantastic job of showcasing how far the straw hats have already come!

hikari e, actively crushing a metal pipe into dust and snorting it like fucking cocaine: we are going to rotoscope everything while simultaneously changing the camera angle every 7 frames Exactly. my music was crafted by rats who painstakingly churned the ancient music glyphs into a shape that satisfied me, and i melted your brain with it so quickly that you didn't even fucking CARE that the next crew addition got spoiled along the way. i spit on ozymandias' grave and demand you despair at MY works instead. anyways watch your stupid pirate show or whatever

#genuinely losing my mind about it. my brain is fucking BROKEN. i had to take a walk and i accidentally went to the grocery store #and bought like 40 dollars worth of snacks in a fucking haze #good snacks. looking forward to them #but remember early/mid-2000s disney soundtracks that knock your socks off the first time you hear them? yeah same hat #i often say 'this media altered my brain chemistry' but short of the 36 questions musical and david's proposal audio from redacted? #don't think anything else has to this degree since hadestown and the magnus archives season finales #actually wait no there are others i just don't want to list them here #ANYWAYS #one piece liveblog #one piece

[dilfkuza]

watching Nishitani's death scene always leaves me devastated. like noooo king you can't die you haven't gotten your rocks off in a decent fight yet

#jokes aside the first time i saw that scene I wasn't ready for it. he's such an earnest guy who embodies this wild persona fully -> #and when the audience may believe he'll go wild again or pull some shit to save himself what does he do? #he tries to run for his uncle and shields Majima from the bullets. #he didn't have to give up his life but he saw something in Majima that he wanted to protect. a reflection maybe. #that line he says about “why couldn't we have met earlier” and chiding himself for being sentimental... goddd i need more of him #it makes me wonder specifically what he would think of the Mad Dog persona. #would he be proud that Majima took after him? glad to have someone that understands? #or perhaps downtrodden that Majima could follow his direct footsteps into an early grave himself? #i mean we've seen Majima throw himself into situations where he could die any minute. its not wrong to say its a miracle he's gonna see 60 #but is that also something he learned from Nishitani? that he can sacrifice himself if it means the ones he loves will thrive? #ughhhh mr nishitani i miss your silly ass... literally altered Majima's brain chemistry that day in the jail cell.... #also not to be too theorist or anything but like. i wonder if anyone tried to get Nishitani help or if they let him die. #bc his men were in the (unlocked) cell with him; one of them could have run for help or a medic even if it was too late #but would he want that? or would he have wanted to be left in peace with his only family member- dead by association with him? #grrrr i need more info on him..... but at the same time i love that they left him fairly vague... #we get just the hint of his attitude being a persona and thats it.... GOD i need to rip something up im consumed with blorbo thoughts #nishitani homare #bulletin board

[system-of-a-feather]

Sometimes I forget I have C-PTSD until I think "Hey Imma go do computer stuff in the living room / at the living room desk so I can be in the same room as my fiance playing games" and out of nowhere for no reason my brain turns the hypervigilance on max and ramps up the stress and I was like

"On second thought, I think Ill go right back to our room with my birds thank you" XD

My cockatiels are my emotional support birds and are used to less predictability in routine and staying up until I do, so I am letting them wake up and stay up next to me but they have to be quiet else the sleeping lovebirds might get jealous XD

#alter: riku #literally other than it being more open and more stimuli #but not more than usual to note #my brain was like #if we try to do anything right now other than panic we will panic #so I was like ok have it your way back to cozy room I guess #cptsd #ptsd #c-ptsd

[seraphdreams]

you’re so right though. ran can’t be in a relationship unless it’s codependent. you lean on him and he provides you that emotional support, and you provide him honesty, your undying love. ran understands that he’s a bad man and that he’s not perfect. his previous lovers couldn’t keep up with the cold, harsh facade he keeps up as one of bonten’s executives, or how busy he is and how neglectful he can be when work piles up. but you do. you comfort him, rub his back and tell him he’s doing his best with what he’s got, and he softens. ran adores how understanding you are. that’s probably what made him fall in love with you, for real. past the appearances and how your personalities click.

- user creepngs

his heart aches when he’s away on business for too long, he starts forgetting how to do all the minuscule things that otherwise he wouldn’t face complications with. all he can think about is you. your voice comforting him, your touch easing him, and how fucking cute you are. little does he know, you’re the same way. seems like you can’t even get out of bed unless he’s there :(

#thank you for this @creepngs #my brain chemistry is altered and i will not be thinking about anything else besides this #just you and your ran takes #love them with my soul #seraph.replies! #seki.dreams!

[sturmhondsdemjin]

It's always "wyd" and never "ilyibapayn"

#history huh? bet we could make some #red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #prince henry #rwrb movie #and honestly it's the sexiest thing your partner can say to you so don't you dare settle for less #i am in tzp's walls rn i am stomping around his attic #rwrb has altered my brain chemistry completely #that delivery goes harder than anything else i've ever seen #i'm going to throw up don't @ me

[what-if-i-dee-eye-do]

am I the only system that has a fucked up perception of people who don't have clear roles or responsibilities or patterns of behavior like what are you for

#who's fronting? #other #like. I know people aren't For anything and parts or alters aren't either but like. what's your role what are you For #'I'm a quirky fun person haha' ok cool but are you an emotionally supportive person do you protect others what is ur Purpose what are u For #like example: my wife was bred to emotionally support her mother and accomplish physical tasks to keep her happy and not shitting on her #she resists it but that's what her brain is programmed that she's For #I know what I'm for (23 is for venting frustration responsibly sexy is for sw oliver is for demanding Tasks) so it wigs me out bad when #people don't have a function idk

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

Oh my god was Vigilante 2005 a system because that was the slasher vigilante run. Im coughing

#WAS IT JUST A MY BLOODY VALENTINE REFERENCE #At least it didnt have a 'Vigilante is actually a slasher murderer!' twist or anything #I still think vigilante being a system is the least insensitive thing about vigilante 2005 #its still REALLY BAD but at least Vigilante isnt actually just a Evil Alter Stereotype #Still basically is though.Its complicated. #that comic is also super racist #I am drawing Vigilante 2005. If youre wondering why i have the brain worm again.

[cruelsister-moved2]

i think the thing with quirky capitalisation and punctuation and structure in poems is that if you take them away and it’s no longer a good or interesting poem then it was never a good or interesting poem in the first place, and then if the poem is good without them it kind of begs the question of why they’re there. like sometimes theyre a deliberate creative choice that enhances the poem but its actually so grating how its kind of the default voice now so it has the opposite effect because theres nothing surprising or unusual or meaningful about writing that way... its not like oh the poet is using simple sentences to show that the speaker is young or theyre using jolted run on sentences to show the speaker’s erratic train of thought.. its just like oh they just wrote with lowercase letters because it looks pretty. i feel like every poet under 30 with internet access would benefit from trying to write like some sonnets or something lol because its 50% people with nothing to say hiding behind aggressively quirky use of language and 50% poems i would actually enjoy reading if they werent like beating me over the head with how humble and stream-of-consciousness they are............. and like if you think im a dinosaur for caring abt shit like form and structure and tiny language choices in poetry then its just like well why are you writing a poem then and not a short story or something if you dont care abt the fundamental shit that makes a poem a poem and not anything else. like did you choose the medium decisively because you want to utilise it or was it just like well i cant really do anything else so im just going to pick the thing with the lowest skill requirement :/

#reading new poems on the poetry foundation and then remembering why i dont do that cuz it turns me into the joker LOL #also i feel like writing about really non-classical subjects in really classical form is . mwah chefs kiss #and also minimalism i talked about that before i loooove poetic minimalism so much kissing you #poems written in the authors non-native language..............chefs kiss #seriously though with almost any art form its like #theres a reason for mastering the basics first #and then you make deliberate choices to alter them #rather than just like youre stuck in one track because you kind of dont know how to do anything else #im obsessed w that writing exercise where you have to just describe whats in front of you #and not use any kind of imagery or metaphor or flowery language #that is literally like a detox for your brain from these kind of tendencies #bc obviously you can always go too far to either way and the main point is about doing whatever you do deliberately for meaningful reasons #so if you cut back to absolute basics #anything you add back is going to be deliberate and not just bc u write like that

[mwagneto]

red valley making me realise my ptsd affects me in even more ways than i thought

#noooo dont make me rethink my behaviours you're so sexy aha #red valley #not in the oh i need to work on this way but more in the THAT'S COZ OF THAT TOO?? way #godddddd it's literally such an annoying mento illness like #smtg bad happened so your whole brain chemistry's getting altered forever. also if #anything bad ever happens again it's going to get built into your previous trauma like some weird soup

[monsterhugger]

finished omori and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same

#sunny and basil were made in a lab to break my brain and I knew it the moment I saw them #from the intro cutscene it was like ‘oh these are some guys I will be chewing on later’ #have not cried this much over p much anything in a WHILE. think the last hour or so was nearly sobbing it’s incredible #if anything I wish it leaned more on the horror/exploration segments but that’s the yume niki fan in me #(intentionally misspelled idk if that tag still gets used lol) #definite must-play if ur brain chemistry was fundamentally altered after discovering yume niki tho #if you can handle the subject matter which. I’d add a few things to the list of warnings steam has honestly #but like god this game is making me remember what it feels like to cry so much your eyelids hurt. huge thumbs up from me #i mean maybe it’s just that some parts hit. more close to home for me than I was expecting but the story is incredibly done

[deepest-chambers-of-the-heart]

shouting into the void here but since i had EMDR therapy uncover things, start and then stop just as suddenly without recovery or good coping I literally cannot think about things too hard or my head starts to get fuzzy and something literally grabs my brain matter and says "you don't need this" and now functioning is like. Way Harder.

it's like the archives of my brain got rearranged and then pages were ripped out of certain books and now i can't remember things i used to recall easily. it also revealed the fragility of my identity?? the moment we started doing it my brain started to split apart. i didn't like it and still don't like it when we drag out the feeling to analyze it. what did that mean. what did you do therapist.

#it's def harder now and the guys in my brain are alll like ???? #i dunno nothin no more. she says i don't have DID and i believe her but also there's. a weirdness in my head nowadays #like are they tulpas? are they alters? what are you and why do you have your own feelings about things what do you mean #i know i've never had a solid sense of identity but soon after EMDR i couldn;t look in the mirror and reconize me? #cpulnd't put a name to the face that was reflecting back at the body. hya is always who you are talking to and seeing but S is there. #S is tiny and small and hardly inputs anything hya responds to her name because hya is. like. we. i. me? hya is wearing S's body. #but hya and s aren't interchangable. i feel a very string feeling in my chest when someone uses the wrong pronouns for hya. #hya's always been a they and can also use they/he. s doesn't care. s feels like s doesn't mean anything so she is the default? #head hurts to think about it so i vibe. we do use we sometimes. dunno why. been doing that forever.

[the-ethereal-demon]

The hardest thing for me about being open to other diagnostic possibilities is not letting myself slip into denial. I dont want to say that i definitely have DID and im not entirely sure why. Whether its pure denial or feeling like my childhood wasnt "bad enough" to cause DID, or some other third thing i dont know

#but so far I've yet to find a better explanation #and i dont know that there is one #idk the more alters and especially fictives i find the more i feel like i must not have DID #not cause of anything concrete mind you #I've yet to find another disorder where part of your brain rips control away from you when it thinks youre doing something stupid #and i think its also hard bc i dont have this long list of things that are DEFINITELY DID #theres like one or two things that i can point to as definitively an alter who i wasnt aware of