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rhapsody-in-heaven · 3 years

Text

An Open Letter about Racism and the Term Banana

Context

First Incident sometime last month i referred to myself as a banana and was told it was subtly racist. i *thought* i had adequately explained why it was not and why i identified as such. i had also explained that i would never actively call someone else a banana unless they also referred to themselves as such.

Second Incident it happened last night. to her defence, before i start, she was a bit drunk and i also know shes super passionate about this topic. however, i do have to say i think shes too “politically correct” sometimes to the point where she would be offended by how i view myself - but well get to that later. anyways, she was a bit drunk and we somehow came to the topic of xenophobia vs racism and that somehow spiraled into “reverse racism” and how it, in her opinion, doesnt exist, but i didnt agree. i mostly was content with letting the topic go but she really wanted to convince me otherwise. she got frustrated w me enough tho that she said something along the lines of “this is like how u call urself a banana and think its not racist and that its okay, but it is racist and its not okay” to which i yelled back “i talked to my asian american friends about this and they all tell me that you dont understand my experiences”

Open Letter

Part One - Our Conversation About Xenophobia, Racism and “Reverse Racism”

First, I want to say about the whole issue of xenophobia and “reverse racism”, maybe youre right. And certainly you believe so. Maybe white people cant experience racism. And i certainly understood your point about how its only the oppressed class or classes who could experience it.

But I also believe that they can be oppressed in non-white dominated countries. Maybe you see it as discrimination and not racism. And that’s fine. But I do not claim to know everything that happens in the world, and so I cannot say for 100% certainty that they do not.

Even if in a societal scale they “cannot” experience racism. Can you then say it doesnt happen on a personal level? If my moms telling me she rather me marry Chinese>Asian>White>Black, to me, that is racism not just “discrimination” or “xenophobia” (which was by ur definition a rejection of anyone whos different) why isnt it just “i rather u marry a chinese guy”? why are there tiers?

Maybe you have a sound explaination for this. Maybe i still dont fully understand the subtle differences between the term racist, or xenophobic. Again, im more than willing to play with the idea im wrong. But its not something youre going to convince me of in a 15 minute half drunken conversation.

Side Note: Did you know white europeans used to be enslaved by muslims? these are the stories we never hear about because being a victim at any point in time doesnt fit the narrative of white people always being on top or the narrative of whites being the “evil colonialists”.

Part Two - The Term Banana

I thought you understood me the last time we talked but I guess not because you called me racist last night. I want to preface this by saying at the time I read what articles I could find, written by asian americans about how they either accepted or rejected this term. I also went to ask my asian american friends what they thought as well.

All my friends and I identify with the term banana. There are some, in the articles I read who do reject this term. And i will reiterate that I would never call someone a banana unless they themselves do and it comes up in conversation like “im such a banana.” “lmfao its fine we can be bananas together”.

I remember you thought it wasnt a term I should use because “i will always be asian” and i cant “make myself white”. I have never wanted to be white. I was a pretty weird kid, and I always knew i was different from others, I was always very aware of the fact that I was Asian and I was always proud of it. My Experiences from Canada

I know for some of my friends it was a shock learning that they were different from their peers. One example i can give is the comedian Joe Wang tells this story about how his son thinks hes white and was shocked to learn he was actually “yellow”. But for me, anytime someone asked me where i was from, I would say “China” (at this point i didnt know the difference status Hong Kong held). Now, part of this I attribute to actually being born in Hong Kong and therefore saying i was from “China” was true to me. The other part is that I never really experienced racism. Then again, maybe i did and i was just too dense to realize. But i never had the thing where kids would go “ewww whats that stuff ur eating”. Certainly i would get weird looks sometimes, but, to me it was just like i like eating broccoli but hate carrots, u think broccoli is gross but u love carrots. I never took it as a racial thing. I even remember i brought mooncakes once for my class to try and almost no one took me up on it but the teacher. The ones who did expressed they really didnt like like w their face. But i didnt feel bad. I remember carrying the box of mooncakes back to the car and telling my mom they didnt wanna try and immediately both of us said “oh well, more for us”. I will say when I was young, I really wanted to have blond hair and blue eyes, curly hair even. I saw a friend and thought it was so pretty. But even as i imagined myself with blond hair and blue eyes, i still saw myself w asian features not white features. A little later I started watching anime and wanted purple eyes so i can say with certainty it wasnt a me wanting to me white thing. My Experiences in Hong Kong and with My Family in General

Growing up my parents and my family back in Hong Kong, would always call me a “gwei mui”. From wikipedia, “Gwei [xxx] is a common Cantonese slang term for Westerners. In the absence of modifiers, it refers to white people and has a history of racially deprecatory and pejorative use, although it has been argued that it has since acquired a more neutral connotation. Cantonese speakers frequently use gwailou to refer to Westerners in general use, in a non-derogatory context, although whether this type of usage is offensive (i.e., an ethnic slur) is disputed by both Cantonese and Westerners alike”. Yes, in the past this word was racially charged, but in the present, its just another way to refer to westerners. I don’t really wanna get into it right now because theres a lot more to break down, but just know that its just a common way to refer to foreigners and the term “gwei mui” specifically refers to white girls.

I grew up like this. And I grew up knowing that it was a very neutral term for people to call westerners and I also grew up being called such. Just as it was a fact that I was a girl, or that my moms name was Elsa, I was a gwei mui.

Hong Kong is an international city. And there are foreigners everywhere. I remember walking into a store and before I even said anything, the shop assistants would ask “oh, youre from overseas right?” “yeah, how did you know?” “oh i can just tell by the way u carry yourself”. I had a friend tell me that she could tell i grew up overseas from the way i stood waiting in line, have ppl tell me they could tell by my make up or by how i dressed. My “Thesis” on the Matter

In Hong Kong, and in my family and my extended family I was always the “white girl”. You once said that I couldnt be white no matter what, that i would always be asian. Can you tell my family that? Can you erase the fact that I was heavily influenced by western culture? I will say again, i never wanted to be white. And to be quite honest, when you said that I couldnt be white, and that i would always be asian, I felt angry. Angry that you could even imply I would want to be white, that i would want to be anything other than asian, that you assumed to know how i was feeling.

But you need to understand, its not about “wanting to be white”, its about “not being asian enough”. You need to understand, that it never came from white communities, it came from my parents and my family back home.

It was never racially motivated. It was just a fact. I’m currently 25 years old, I’m 5ft5(ish), I weigh about 117lbs, I was born a girl and identiy as such, I’m from Hong Kong, I grew up in Canada and i’m a banana.

If we were to go back to what u were trying to explain about racism and xenophobia then you could make the argument that “gwei mui” and “banana” had xenophobic roots - but to tell me its racist? because im itching to be white? i thoroughly reject that and i find it offensive. If we were to take this stance tho, that it had xenophobic roots, and is therefore xenophobic, I would say “yes, maybe. but if im reclaiming it and seeing it as acknowledgement that I am a mesh of two different cultures, who are you to tell me its wrong?” Furthermore, i would make the argument that the n-word most definitely had racial undertones. but black ppl proudly call themselves the n-word. Why cant I call myself a banana without people telling me im being racist. The final reason on why that statement about how i will always be asian and never white disturbs me to the core is the way that statement lumps all asians together. And maybe you didnt mean it like this or didnt even notice. But my experiences are vastly different from my cousins who grew up in Hong Kong. And yes, by the colour of my skin i will always be asian. But the experiences that make up who I am and my personality are very Canadian, very western based. And to basically overlook that, is to overlook my existence and the existence of Asian Americans. I know you would never do this, but to basically put all Asians in one category is the same mind that would white supremacists' would tell us to “go back to our country” not acknowledging that most of us were born or at least grew up here.

Thoughts from My Asian American Friends. Like I said, I talked to this with a lot of my asian american friends. Most of which identified w the term banana and actively call themselves one. Others who don’t, but are not offended when others identify themselves as such. They reiterated that the term banana was never about “wanting to be white” that it was never an issue of “want”. That it never came from white communities. It came from their families back in asia. That they were “too white” or “not asian enough”. As one friend put it, “i mean in honesty we say it cause we feel like we don't totally belong to our culture, it's not saying it in means to erase our race.” another friend added “ This is true. I’ve seen posts about struggles of other Asian Americans who feel like they’re too Asian to be accepted as an American but too American to be accepted as an Asian lol”. They also said that to deny us of calling ourselves bananas is to invalidate our experiences and our existence as asian americans. That we are not the same as our counterparts who grew up in asia. That we were heavily influenced by western culture. “ Lmao did they just forget that as much as Asian blood runs in you, your whole life has been in CA? For that person to say that to you feels like she’s already making you feel invalidated for being Asian AND Canadian”. Who are others, who are not asian americans, to tell us, asian americans, how we can or cannot identify ourselves. Who are non asian americans to tell us this is racist, to say that we “want” to be white when they dont understand how we feel at all. my one friend said and i quote, “yeah I don’t think calling myself a banana is racist, like dude I’m talking about myself and how I see myself, who tf are you to say anything”.

one friend said it played into the white savior narrative. that we dont know better and that not specifically you, but that in general white ppl are getting angry for us, trying to educate us and inform us because we dont know better. Another friend agreed that it probably started off as a negative but then ppl accepted it cuz it made sense - similar to how gweilo started off as having negative connotations but is now just neutral. She said, “banana imo is one of those words that started off as something bad but gradually (some) people accepted it and started referring themselves as banana because it makes sense lol”. Closing Statements

I’m not trying to make you feel bad and i honestly hope i dont. But I remember you telling me it was important to have these conversations so I hope this isnt too uncomfortable. honestly tho, i dont even know if im ever going to send this to you or if youll read it.

But I really need you to understand where this comes from and where I’m coming from. If you dont agree, I can’t really change that. But to essentially call me racist for how identify myself with the things i struggle with, is 100% not okay. To tell me I’ll always be asian and to imply i shouldnt want to be white is 110% offensive. and to lump asian americans with asians is 100% denying our experiences. to tell me how i can and cannot see myself, is also 100% not your call, its mine. And it really hurt to know after our conversation last time you still thought i was ‘wrong’ that you thought I was being racist instead of truly respecting where it comes from. At some point you might be able to gradually convince me ‘reverse racism’ doesnt exist. but there is no way in hell, you will convince me that how I or other asian americans see ourselves is the “wrong” way to see ourselves.

#raceissues #race #asianamerican #asian canadian #how we identify

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