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nevermindirah · 4 years

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I've been drafting and redrafting this meta post for weeks now. It's about to be 5781 and my country that was founded on settler colonial genocide and slavery and a deeply flawed but fierce attachment to democracy might go full dictatorship in about 6 weeks and it's time for me to post this thing.

All our immortals are warriors, all have been traumatized by war. But only three of them died their first deaths as soldiers in imperial armies. This fandom has already produced gallons of meta on Nicky dealing with his shit, because Joe would not fuck with an unapologetic Crusader. But there's very rich stuff in Booker and Nile's experiences and the parallels and distinctions between them.

Nile was 11 when her dad was killed in action - that was 2005, meaning she and her dad both died in the same war that George W Bush started in very tenuous response to 9/11. Sure, Nile's dad could have died in either Iraq or Afghanistan, or in a training accident or in an off-the-books mission we won't know about for a hundred more years, but he died in the War on Terror all the same. I had to look it up to be sure because Obama "drew down" the Afghanistan war in his second term, but nope, we're still in this fucking thing that never should've happened in the first place. The US war in Afghanistan just turned 19 years old. A lot of real-life Americans have experiences like the Freemans, parents and children both dying in the same war we shouldn't be in.

I know a lot of people like Nile who join the US military not just because it's the only realistic way for them to pay for college or afford decent healthcare, but also because they have a family history of military service that's a genuine source of pride. Military service has been a way for Americans of color to be accepted by white Americans as "true Americans" - from today's Dreamers who Obama promised would earn protection from deportation by enlisting, to Filipino veterans of WW2 earning US citizenship that Congress then denied them for several decades, to slaves "earning" their freedom through service in the Union Army and in the Continental Army before it. As if freedom is a thing one should have to earn. Lots of Black Americans have the last name Freeman for lots of different escaping-slavery reasons, but it's possible that this specific reason is how Nile got her last name.

Dying in a war you know your country chose to instigate unnecessarily and that maybe you believe it shouldn't be waging is a very particular kind of trauma. It is a much deeper trauma when your military service, and your father's, and maybe generations of your ancestors', is a source of pride and access to resources for you but your sacrifice is nearly meaningless to the white supremacist system that deploys you. That kind of cognitive dissonance encourages a person to ignore their own feelings just so they can function. How do you wake up in the morning, how do you risk your life every day, how do you *kill other people* in a war that shouldn't be happening and that you shouldn't have to serve in just so that your country sees you as human?

We see Nile do her best to be a kind and well-mannered invader. Depending on your experience with US imperialism, Nile giving candy to kids and reminding her squad to be respectful is either heartwarming or very disturbing propaganda. We also see Nile clutching her cross necklace and praying. From the second Christianity arrived on this land it's been a tool of white supremacist assimilation and control, but like military service, it's a fucked-up but genuine source of pride and access to resources for many Americans whose pre-Columbian ancestors were not Christian, and it's a powerful source of comfort and resilience. This Jew who's had a lot of Spanish Inquisition nightmares would like to say for the record that it's not Jesus's fault that his big name fans are such shitty people.

Nile is a good person trying to do her best in a fucked-up world. "Her best" just radically changed. Her access to information on just how fucked up the world is has also just radically changed, because everything's so fucked up a person needs a lot of time to learn about it all and not only does she have centuries but she won't have to spend that time worrying about rent and healthcare and taxes, and because she now has Joe and Nicky and Andy's stories, and because she now has Copley's inside scoop on just what the fuck the CIA has been up to. Like, I want a fic where Copley tells Nile what was really behind the brass's decisions that led to her experiences on the ground in Afghanistan, that led to her father's death, but also I Do Not Want That.

Nile was 19 when Alicia Garza posted on Facebook that Black Lives Matter. She grew up in Chicago well before white people on Twitter were saying maybe police violence against Black people is a problem. She knows this is a deeply fucked up country, and she put on her Marine uniform and deployed with her team of mostly fellow women of color, and maybe she and Dizzy and Jay marched in the streets between deployments, maybe they texted each other when a white manarchist at a protest sneered at one of them for being a Marine. Nile's been busy surviving, and she knows some shit and she's seen some shit but she hasn't had much time to think about what it all means. Now she's got time. And Joe, Nicky, and Andy are willing to listen. (Is Copley willing to listen? I could see that going either way.)

Booker might also be willing to listen. The brilliant idea of cleaning up the rat Frenchman so that Nile can have millennia of emotional support and orgasms sent me down a Wikipedia rabbit hole, and holy shit do Booker and Nile have a lot of shared life experience as pawns of imperial wars. Obviously Booker is white and a man and that makes a very big difference. (Though G-d help me, Booker could be Jewish and France was knocking its Jews around like ping-pong balls in the 18th-19th centuries. Jewish Booker wouldn't make him any less white but it does add a shit ton of depth of common experience: military service as a way for your country to see you as a full member of society who matters, because who you are means that's not guaranteed.)

Booker was hanged for desertion from the army Napoleon sent to invade Russia as part of his quest to control all of Europe. We learn in the comics / this YouTube video that Booker was on his way to prison for forgery when he was offered military service instead of jail time. While we don't know how he felt about the choice beyond that he did choose soldier over inmate, it's unlikely he thought invading Russia was a great idea, given he tried to desert because Napoleon like a true imperialist dumbass didn't plan for how he was going to feed his army or keep them from freezing to death in fucking Russian winter.

I find it very interesting that the French Empire was at its largest right before invading Russia and fell apart completely within a few years. My country has been falling the fuck apart for a while now - see aforementioned War on Terror, growing extremes of economic stratification in the richest country in the world, abject refusal to meaningfully deal with climate change that US-based corporations hold the lion's share of blame for - but between Trump's abject refusal to meaningfully deal with the coronavirus and strong likelihood that he'll refuse to leave office even if a certain pathetic moderate I will hold my nose and vote for does manage to earn a majority of votes, ~y~i~k~e~s.

Our only immortals who have never known a world before modernity and nationalism happen to have been born of wars that were the beginning of the end for the imperialist democracies that raised them, and I think in the centuries to come that's going to give them some very interesting shit to talk about.

Nile's a Young Millennial, a digital native born in the United States after the collapse of the USSR left her country as the world's only superpower. She's used to a pace of technological change that human brains are not evolved to handle.

Napoleon trying to make all of Europe into the French Empire was a leading cause of the growth of European nationalism and the establishment of liberal democracies both in Europe and in many places that Europeans had colonized. Booker's first war produced the only geopolitical world order Nile has ever known and I just have so many feelings ok. Nile the art history nerd is probably not aware of this, and why would she be? This humble meta author is, like Nile, a product of US public schools, and all they taught me about world history was Ancient Greece/Rome/Egypt/Mesopotamia and then World War 2. Being raised in The World's Only Superpower is WEIRD.

Nile the Young Millennial is used to the devastating volume of bad news the internet makes possible. But she has absolutely no concept of a world where the United States of America is not The World's Only Superpower. In order to get up in the morning and put on her gear and point guns at civilians in Afghanistan, she can only let herself think so much about whether that American exceptionalism thing is a good idea.

She's about to spend many, many years where the only people who she can truly trust are people who are older than not only her country but the IDEA of countries.

She's got time, and she's got a lot of new information at her disposal. But there comes a point where my obsession with her friendship and eventual very hot sex life with Booker just isn't about sex at all. Nile needs someone to talk to about the United States who Gets It. Booker the rat Frenchman coerced into Napoleon's army, and Copley the Black dual citizen of the US and UK who's retired from a CIA career that he half understands as deeply problematic but half still believes in hence his mind-bogglingly stupid partnership with Merrick, are the only people on the planet Nile can talk to honestly about, and really be understood in, all the thoughts and feelings and fears and hopes of her experience as a US Marine.

And one more thing before I go get ready for Rosh Hashanah: Orientalism was a defining element of the Crusades and that legacy is painfully clear in current US-led Western military activity in Afghanistan, Syria, Israel/Palestine, you name it. Turns out memoirs by French veterans of the Napoleonic Wars are full of Orientalist language about Russia as well. I am maybe/definitely writing a fic where Booker spends his exile reading critical race theory and decolonial feminism and trauma studies monographs because he can't be honest with a therapist but maybe he can heal this way and become the team therapist his own damn self. I just really need him to read Edward Said and Gloria Anzaldúa and then go down on Nile, ok?

#nile freeman #tog meta #book of nile #sebastien le livre #the old guard #mine #us imperialism #european imperialism #jewish things #antiblackness #police violence #orientalism

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popatochisssp · 3 years

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I need memes for the new boys. Meme me, Poppy. Meme me.

As always, I am ashamed at how well-equipped I am to answer this question...

Meme Fluent: Ash (Undergloom Sans), Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus), Sunny (Gastertale Sans)

Can At Least Ask Where The Bathroom Is In Meme: Brick (Horrorfell Sans), Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus), Aster (Gastertale Papyrus)

Meme-blivious: Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus), King (Horrorfell Papyrus), Merc (Horrorswap Sans), Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans)

Ash (Undergloom Sans): Very savvy and up on all the most popular memes, scrolling through memes is an activity very low on the ‘activity’ part and great for when he’s feeling a little too tired to do anything else. He’s very into tiktoks, which help him keep up to date on the latest meme songs-- some of which he might try to learn to play on his own. In general, he’s also into memes with funny or weird-looking animals (frogs, possums, axolotls, etc), no specific kind of meme, the presence of a goofy-looking creature in it is usually good enough to get a smile or a chuckle out of him.

Yrus (Undergloom Papyrus): Not all that up to date on the meme scene, he’s usually busy with other things... but! He really loves relatable memes, especially ones about procrastination or not being able to focus on work or having to do chores, everyday mundane irritations that everybody can relate to! He also thinks reading comprehension errors are great harmless fun (i.e., “my bad i thought u said moths”), just silly misunderstandings that make for confusing interactions until someone realizes.

Brick (Horrorfell Sans): Doesn’t always remember every meme, but he gets the gist of most of them. His favorites are the MS Paint memes, usually the more poorly drawn, the better (but a fan of pretty much every catcrumb image he sees, those chaotic little cats are great). He can also be caught laughing himself to wheezing and banging on the table over completely bizarre and out of context interactions--for some reason, they just hit right on the funny bone and he has no defense against them. (The ‘Nyquil Detroit Become Liquid’ post nearly killed him, but he would’ve thanked it.)

King (Horrorfell Papyrus): Not too interested in memes. He’s peripherally aware of them but rarely knows the latest trends or cares to know them. He does have a slight fondness for evil memes--ones about being evil or having an evil lair or just have the word ‘evil’ as an adjective in front of something else seemingly incongruous--he finds them silly and they can usually win at least a smirk out of him when he happens to come across one. If you want a laugh, though, find him some of those screenshots of old newspapers from the 30s-50s, formally written humor that still holds up even now (like The Windsor Star, Ontario, November 1, 1958, The Cincinnati Enquirer, Ohio, February 21, 1947, or Barnard Bulletin, New York, December 20, 1935). Sensible chuckles abound from those!

Merc (Horrorswap Sans): Not too into memery, he’s definitely got a lot of other things going on and isn’t always online. Still, he is a fan of stuff like one-time-i-dreamt and other accounts of peoples’ dreams or thought processes. He thinks it’s interesting, the little peek into the wandering, strange, and sometimes funny subconscious, or how people think about love and tenderness and nostalgia and remind others to appreciate those things, too. It’s a very niche, wholesome sort of enjoyment for sure... but not to worry! If you’re looking for something more mainstream and ‘haha funny,’ he also got very into the whole ‘Surprise! It’s cake!’ meme trend that was going on for awhile and is still delighted to find a video where a realistic object is cut into and turns out to be cake. He’s definitely going to make one himself, maybe as a social media marketing thing for his home business...

Ell (Horrorswap Papyrus): Very meme savvy and tends toward some of the maybe darker types of humor--stress and anxiety memes, introvert memes, et cetera. Animated text is a big one he likes, with enough of a mix of pessimist and optimist memes that he doesn’t come away from checking it actually bummed out or feeling bad, a fine line to walk to be sure. He also likes coding and programming humor! He’s still kinda teaching himself, so he definitely doesn’t get them all, but it gives him a little sense of accomplishment and community when he does, which he really likes.

Pitch (Horrorswapfell Sans): Not interested in memes, and a lot of them are heavily based on visuals which, unfortunately, he’s going to miss the context. Still, he does get a hell of a kick out of brazen and blatant misinformation--the smooth sharks post, facts-i-just-made-up, and the like--and finds it hilarious when someone insists something that is obviously untrue, especially if a lot of people aren’t getting the joke and are trying fervently to convince them of their wrongness. He’s also a little bit evil, so whenever he learns a new piece of whatever slang is popular and in at the moment, he’s going to use it incorrectly, or use outdated slang to induce cringe in those around him. ‘Totes yeet yo’? Yes. ‘That is so pog, as the kids say’? Of course. ‘It’s lit, fam’? Definitely, who do you take him for? The cringier, the better, he revels in the discomfort of others when he throws one of those babies out.

Nemo (Horrorswapfell Papyrus): Definitely knows a little bit about memes, not always the latest trends but his base knowledge is pretty good, and of course has his favorites. He loves John Mulaney references and reaction images, they just Speak to him, y’know? Outside of that, he’s very fond of day-of-the-week memes, Tuesday Again?, Out of Touch Thursday, Fat Fuck Friday and so on. Aside from being a useful reminder of what the hell day of the week it is, he likes the consistency and recurrence of it, just a silly little moment to look forward to at some point like, “oh yeah, it’s el muchacho monday, nice!”

Sunny (Gastertale Sans): Pretty wise to the meme scene overall, loves the fun and creativity of it all. If you want him to absolutely lose his shit, though, show him a terrible picture of an animal--by which I mean, poorly photoshopped, blurred, in mid-panoramic, as long as the end result is an absurd or very screwed up image. Why are things like ‘buff half cat’ and ‘dog but very, very long’ his sense of humor? He has no idea, but the worse it looks, the harder he laughs. He has a bit of a fondness for ‘gotcha’s too, like a Rickroll but really anything where you go into it expecting one thing, and get trolled by receiving something else. (If Megalovania memes were a thing in his universe, he would be all over them, if that gives you an idea of the kind of gag he thinks is funny!)

Aster (Gastertale Papyrus): Aware of memes, but not all that invested in them. He likes corporate and office/business memes a lot-- the kind that roast bosses and unnecessary meetings, translate ‘polite’ corporate phrases, anything to do with emails--because they can be very relatable. He also likes seeing screencaps of people on Facebook or Twitter getting dragged for misinformation, or trying to act like a pompous jerk and getting shredded (for legitimate reasons of course, not just random unprovoked cyberbullying). He...may be involved in a bit of that sometimes himself: he may not be working in a scientific field, but he is half of a scientist, and just petty enough to spend a few hours of his free time looking up and reading through a few credible sources to cite in a strong and well-crafted rebuttal argument if someone is being especially, dangerously wrong about something. Not everyone has the time and resources to do it, so why shouldn’t he? 😇

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littlemixnet · 5 years

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Little Mix's Jesy Nelson on surviving the trolls: 'People were saying horrific things' Eight years after she shot to fame on The X Factor, Nelson describes how she navigated the trauma of being relentlessly bullied on social media. When Jesy Nelson was 19 and working behind the bar at a pub in Dagenham, Essex, she remembers watching The X Factor on TV, and thinking: “I know I could win that.” In 2011, she did just that, as part of the girl group Little Mix – and thought: “This is the worst day of my life.” Competing in Simon Cowell’s singing contest unleashed ceaseless criticism of her appearance and weight (although rarely her voice). “All I cared about was what people were saying about me,” she says now. Winning offered no respite. When Little Mix were crowned, the first Facebook message she saw was from a stranger. It read: “You are the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my life. You do not deserve to be in this girl band, you deserve to die.” “I should have been on cloud nine,” she says. “I had Leigh-Anne [Pinnock, also of Little Mix] in my room being like: ‘This is the best!’ and I was like: ‘No, this isn’t.’” Little Mix went on to become the biggest British girl group since the Spice Girls, but Nelson was consumed by the trolling and abuse on social media. Within two years of the finale, she had depression and an eating disorder and had attempted suicide. The downward spiral and her eventual, slow recovery are the focus of an intensely personal BBC One documentary, Jesy Nelson: Odd One Out. Before shooting it, she says, she had never spoken publicly about her struggles in the spotlight. When we meet in a corner of BBC Broadcasting House in central London, Nelson, now 28, is friendly and glamorous, dressed in a double-breasted tangerine suit. It is the eighth anniversary of her X Factor debut and #8YearsofLittleMix has been trending on Twitter all morning, thanks to their fans, the “Mixers”. Within minutes of sitting down, she says that, had she known the consequences of appearing on The X Factor, she wouldn’t have done it: “I don’t think anything is worth your happiness, and it was a lot of my life that I won’t get back.” As a child growing up in Romford, Essex, Nelson was intent on becoming a performer, be it singing, dancing or acting. “I didn’t really have any reason to not be confident,” she says. In mid-2011, she auditioned for The X Factor as a solo entrant, and was eventually placed in a group with three others: Pinnock, Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwall, all aged between 18 and 20. Back then, social media was not as inextricably linked with reality TV as it is now. In fact, that eighth series was the first where applicants could upload their audition videos to YouTube; Nelson didn’t even know what YouTube was. She remembers being wowed when all the contestants were given new Samsung phones and told to get on Twitter to build their fanbase. On the first live show 12 weeks in, Little Mix (then Rhythmix – the name was changed later) performed Nicki Minaj’s Super Bass to gushing praise from judges Louis Walsh, Gary Barlow and their mentor Tulisa Contostavlos. It was “the best feeling in the world,” said Nelson through happy tears on stage. That night, off-camera, the contestants gathered to watch themselves on YouTube. Someone pointed out the comment section. “I was very naive,” says Nelson. “I thought it would be people giving their opinion on our performance. But nearly every comment was about the way I looked: ‘She’s a fat ugly rat’; ‘How has she got in this girl group?’; ‘How is the fat one in this?’” She remembers the air being thick with tension – “because no one knew what to do or how to react. “I felt a rush of anxiety, because I’d never experienced anything like that in my life. People were saying my face was deformed – just the most horrific things. I felt like I was heartbroken. I remember ringing my mum and saying: ‘Mum, I want to go home, I don’t want to do it.’” At about 1am, a member of The X Factor team found Nelson crying alone and asked why she was so upset. A couple of days later, she was asked to explain again – on camera. She didn’t want to do it. “They told me it wasn’t recorded, and it was.” A few weeks later, the clip of Nelson in tears over “a few nasty comments” was broadcast before Little Mix’s performance, the reality TV playbook of “sad piano” switching to upbeat pop music when Thirlwall comforts her: an uplifting moment of girl power. From then on, that was Nelson’s public narrative. She does not hold that clip, or the producers, responsible: “I think it would have always happened – that just added fuel to the fire.” From the start, relatability had been billed as a central tenet of Little Mix’s appeal. Contostavlos introduced them as “the girl group to represent ladies in this country”; she framed Nelson’s tears as evidence of Little Mix having “the same insecurities as every other girl”. Nelson, however, was the only member even remotely close to the average UK woman at size 16. Although the four bandmates have always been friends – “that’s why we’re still together” – she felt singled out. “I was with three other girls to be compared to. I don’t think it would have been as bad if I’d been on my own.” After the clip presented her as Little Mix’s weakest link, the abuse snowballed. “It was like as soon as people knew that it was really affecting me, they wanted to do it more.” Nelson had been bullied at school, to the point of stress-induced alopecia – “but this wasn’t playground stuff”. She was shocked by the cruelty from adults – some clearly parents. “Obviously everyone sits in their living room and will see someone on TV and make a comment. But to actually pick up your phone and go: ‘I’m going to make sure this girl sees it’ – even if they didn’t think I was going to see it – you have no idea the effect that one comment will have.” Nelson became “obsessed” with reading criticism. The praise didn’t register. “It only got worse when I got Twitter. And that led to the Daily Mail, and reading the [below the line] comments – the worst you can read about yourself. It was like I purposely wanted to hurt myself.” “I had a routine of waking up, going on Twitter, searching for the worst things I could about myself. I’d type in the search bar: ‘Jesy fat’, or ‘Jesy ugly’, and see what would come up. Sometimes I didn’t even need to do that, I’d just write ‘Jesy’ and then I’d see all the horrible things. Everyone told me to ignore it – but it was like an addiction.” At one event, Nicola Roberts of Girls Aloud – who had seen the clip of her crying – took Nelson aside. “She said: ‘Can I just give you one bit of advice? Please don’t read stuff about you. It’s the worst thing you could do.’” Nelson rolls her eyes self-mockingly. “But did I listen? No.” Contestants had been told help was available if they were struggling, but Nelson had learned that talking only made the problem worse. “I don’t think any of the team really knew how upset it was making me – it’s just go-go-go, from the car into hair and makeup, then rehearsals.” It was also a popularity contest. “We just wanted to make everyone happy, and we wanted everyone to like us.” In December 2011, Little Mix became the first group to win The X Factor. Their debut single entered the charts at No 1 seven months later; DNA, their first album, was released in November 2012. Scrutiny of Nelson only increased amid the pressure to maintain momentum. Although she tried not to discuss it, she feels the abuse came to define her public image. “I’d become a bit of a joke. People would make memes, chopping my head off in a group photo and putting a monster or ET on there. I’d be in live Q&As and these things would pop up and I’d have to just sit there.” Interviewers asked her how she dealt with it; fans said they looked up to her. She was depressed and in denial: she refused antidepressants, and therapy didn’t help. “Our schedule was so gruelling. I was going to see a therapist at six o’clock in the morning, crying, and then going to a photoshoot.” Meanwhile, in public, she was “giving speeches about being confident”. Little Mix, as the guardians of girl power, were not only supposed to represent every woman, but defend every woman. “I felt I had to be this person who was like …” Nelson juts her jaw, sashays from side to side, a facsimile of her sassy music-video persona: “‘I don’t care what people are saying about me, I’m this strong woman.’ That was the role I had to take on in the group, when really I was an absolute mess.” In the lead-up to TV performances or video shoots: “I’d starve myself … I’d drink Diet Coke for a solid four days and then, when I felt a bit dizzy, I’d eat a pack of ham because I knew it had no calories. Then I’d binge eat, then hate myself.” Yet she did not see herself as having an eating disorder. “I could see that I was losing weight and sometimes I’d see a few good comments and that spiralled me to be like: ‘This is how I need to stay.’ No one cares whether your performance was good, or if you sounded great.” Nelson started skipping events where she knew she would be photographed. On one magazine shoot, the wrong size clothes were provided. “I had a meltdown. I cried so much, I had to wear sunglasses. I did one photo, then left.” She hid her misery well, she says now. “I think people just thought I was a miserable bitch.” Her lowest point was in the lead-up to Little Mix’s second album, Salute, in 2013. Her mum, Janice, increasingly desperate, told her she had to quit the band. Yet Nelson worried that leaving – or even taking a break – would draw more attention to herself. “Everyone’s going to ask why.” In November 2013, Little Mix returned to The X Factor to perform their new single, Nelson notably slimmed down. Coverage centred on one tweet from Katie Hopkins: “Packet Mix have still got a chubber in their ranks. Less Little Mix. More Pick n Mix.” Increasingly, Nelson felt trapped. “I felt that I physically couldn’t tolerate the pain any more.” She attempted suicide. Nelson’s family, her management and the rest of the group knew – but “once it was spoken about, it wasn’t ever spoken about again,” she says. She was offered time off, but once more was too frightened of drawing attention to herself to take it. The turning point came in February 2014, when Little Mix spent six weeks travelling across North America, opening for Demi Lovato. One day, on the bus, the dancers pulled her aside and told her she had to quit Twitter, likening it to a book filled with “loads of nasty things” that Nelson always had her nose in. She finally deleted her account. “It was a long, hard process, because I didn’t want to help myself. But it wasn’t until I deleted Twitter that everything changed for me and I slowly started to feel normal again.” Through more regular therapy and talking to friends and family, eventually she was able to stop reading articles about herself, and distance herself from her public image even as Little Mix’s star continued to climb. In 2016, Glory Days became their first No 1 album in the UK. Since February, Nelson has been dating the 2017 Love Island contestant Chris Hughes, who has defended her publicly from online trolling and who she says is a positive influence on her feelings about fame: “It’s nice to be around someone who doesn’t give a shit about all that stuff.” Making the documentary also contributed; she lights up while talking about meeting a body-image specialist, Liz Ritchie, to help her understand her relationship with social media and the “mask” that she had developed to withstand the spotlight. Part of this involved going over footage from The X Factor, which was a difficult experience, but ultimately empowering. “Don’t get me wrong, I still have days when I feel shit in myself but instead of beating myself up about it and being miserable, I think: ‘OK, I’m going to have my moment of being sad, and I’ll be over it.’ Before, I didn’t let myself be sad.” Talking to other young people who have experienced online abuse made her feel less alone. “A lot of people think ‘stop moaning’, but until you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to understand – and it doesn’t just happen to people in the limelight. There’s so many people struggling with social media and online trolling. People need to know about the effects it has.” The turnaround in five years, she agrees, is remarkable: now, as Little Mix work on their sixth album, Nelson is less conscious of her weight, her appearance, what she’s eating – even what is being said about her. To shoot the documentary, she returned to Twitter, and discovered some new slurs. “I didn’t even know some people said that about me, but it’s because I don’t look for it – and also, I. Don’t. Care,” she says, leaning forward in her chair. “Now I’m mentally a lot happier, I just think people are always going to have an opinion. But I only care about mine.” She flashes a smile from beneath all her hair, happy but defiant – and for a moment she looks exactly like the girl in the music videos.

#jesy nelson #jn: odd one out promo #article #2019 #tw: fatphobia #tw: binge eating #tw: eating disorder #tw: bullying #tw: anxiety #tw: suicide mention #a lot of tw sorry but they're necessary!

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entertheembrace · 4 years

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Two - The First Evening

Thank God I'm back in my room. I don't remember the New Orleans sun being that brutal. When I walked out of the hotel earlier this morning, the sun nearly blinded me. It was just as bad coming back to the hotel. And my face feels like it has sunburn even though I couldn't have been in the sun for more than 15 minutes all day.

After dropping my things on the bed, I went to the laptop and sat thinking of where to start. I needed to eat but wanted information first. I couldn't spend much time on the computer until I ate. I've been so hungry all day; it's been hard to concentrate. Even with 2 full meals and quite a few snacks throughout the day, it seems like I can't satisfy the hunger I'm feeling.

I did a quick Google search for the band Anarch. The results showed 1,174,839 entries.

This is about normal when you consider reviews, news articles, regular websites dedicated to the band as well as all of the Twitter, Facebook and blog sites that mention the group.

A quick perusal of the most recent data showed that the band was playing tonight at a club called The Cathedral. I had to meet with David and Harry to take a few prospects out to dinner, but that shouldn't last too long and the band didn't start playing until 11:00.

I still wasn't feeling great, but a quick shower and some food should pep me up enough to make the show. I figured that was as good a place as any to look for Marie.

As I was about to walk to the bathroom, I noticed that Google was also showing a second profile whose counter read 11,285 pages so far. A quick look showed what appeared to be an ancient religion or cult. Obviously, this is where the band got their name.

I was about to delete these search results, but then decided to leave it.. Maybe Google would show the connection from the band to this cult.

After a quick shower, I was off to the restaurant. As hungry as I was, nothing on the menu appealed to me. I still wasn't feeling good and my nostrils were being assaulted by the various smells of…people. Not the exotic food from the restaurant's kitchen, but of all the people in the restaurant.

Like today, in the Convention Center. It seemed like I could smell each individual person and could attach each odor to its owner. Perfumes, colognes, deodorants, I could place them all. Then there was the smell of sickness. Its hard to explain, but I could smell someone's illness. I don't know how I knew it, but I did.

Most disturbing of all, though were the women. Not all of the women, just the menstruating ones. I could smell that strong and pungent smell on them. That, however, is not what was disturbing. What was disturbing was the fact that I was somewhat aroused by that particular odor.

What was wrong with me? I was obviously suffering the after effects of whatever Marie had slipped me. I should probably go back to my room and try to sleep this off. But, this was maybe my best chance of finding Marie. I had to go to that club.

As I left the restaurant, I was thankful to see that the sun was nearly set and I was starting to feel better. Except for the fact that, despite the full meal and dessert I just ate, I was growing even more hungry.

I found myself approaching the club around 10:30. I thought that if she was a groupie, then Marie would probably be there early. Of course, she may be backstage with the band, but there was nothing I could do about that.

As I approached the club, I began to get nervous. The kinds of people hanging around the club were not the kind I hung with at my Saturday night poker games.

I realized my tan pants, white shirt and blue blazer was going to stick out among all of the black leather and lace. My face was also lacking the heavy makeup and piercing that seemed to adorn the many faces that were looking back at me.

I was hoping I would be able to find Marie without having to ask around. If I started asking around for someone in this crowd, I would no doubt be marked as a cop at best. Those who didn't think of me as a cop may look at me as an easy target, just like Marie had done the night before.

Upon reaching the club, I began to notice two distinct groups of attendees. The first and, by far, most numerous were the nouveau Goths. This group was done up in dark, heavy makeup. Their dress had a Halloween-like feel to it and they looked as if they were going to a book signing with my beloved Anne Rice.

The second, smaller group was much different. Members of this group looked older, but not in age since some appeared to be no more than fifteen, but their eyes. Their stares looked much older.

This group lacked the gaudy make-up, but still had the Goth-like look upon their faces. And their clothes looked…authentic. And they looked comfortable in their clothes like they've been wearing them since they were first in vogue a hundred years ago.

At first, I don't know why I even noticed the difference in the groups. Then I realized that it was how they noticed me that separated them.

While the costumed-laced revelers looked upon me in my suit with a kind of humor and disdain, the other group seemed to follow me with their looks.

Some stared at me while others simply nodded or even gave a little smile. They all seemed to look at me with some kind of knowing glance that made me feel that I was somehow a kindred spirit to them.

I shook off this feeling and pushed my way into the club.

The first thing that hit me was the smell. Incense, again. That makes sense in a club called The Cathedral.

The club was housed in what was at one time a glorious church that closed its doors due to the decreased number of faithful in the parish. It was un-consecrated and sold at auction.

Inside, the décor was that of a church including statues of the saints, wrought iron chandeliers and a stage in place of the high altar.

The owners were probably burning incense to help add the authenticity of the place. If Marie hung out here enough, this scent would easily get stuck in her clothes and cling to her skin.

It was then that I realized that the incense smell seemed to be emitting from some of the attendees like the body odor coming from some of the others.

Every time I followed the scent to its source, I found one from the "comfortable" group and they always seemed to be staring at me with that knowing look. I was becoming decidedly un-comfortable with the comfortable group.

I circulated around the club looking for any sign of Marie. My increased sense of smell was little help since the only fragrance I can match with her was the incense smell that seemed to be coming from at least a dozen of the concert goers.

The crowd began to surge as the lights coming from the faux candles in the black chandeliers began to dim. Movement on the stage signaled that the band was about to start and still I had no sign of Marie.

Anarch started and the noise pierced into my brain. While I'm no old timer, it was difficult to recognize what I was hearing as music. The sound was loud, fast and harsh. The lead vocalist began screaming the lyrics rather than singing them.

When I looked up to the stage to see what kind of man could make such sounds, I was taken aback. The man was nothing what I expected. While his skin was pale and his long, curly hair was black, he didn't look like a Goth.

He wore no shirt and had on black pants and boots and almost looked like Jim Morrison in the day of The Doors. He wore no make-up and had no tattoos or piercing that I could see.

His face was young. It could almost be described as angelic. He was breathtaking. I knew, from the Google search that I looked over, that he went by the stage name Lazarus.

As he screamed into the microphone, he seemed to look at the crowd like he knew every one of them. No eyes closed or pointing to the sky. This guy was making eye contact with everyone he looked at.

The crowd began pumping fists, throwing their heads back and forth and wriggling their bodies in time with the music. That's when I noticed that some of the crowd wasn’t in time with the music…at least not completely.

The main rhythm of the song matched the majority of the gyrating crowds, but I was hearing a back beat that didn't quite match the song or the crowd. I thought maybe I was hearing something in the background or maybe imagining this song within a song.

I looked around to see who else noticed this and was sorry as soon as I did. My new friends, the comfy crowd, all seemed to be swaying and moving in time with each other, but at a different tempo then the rest of the audience.

I watched this group and tried to concentrate on the other noise and soon was able to pick up the rhythm in time with their movements. Soon I was hearing a whole different song and the original thrash music was just background noise.

I looked around to be sure that everyone else was still banging their heads to the original song, but the other group, my group, had a song all to themselves.

It was a haunting sound that shook me to my soul. The voice was beautiful, but seemed to be balancing on the edge of a razor.

I looked up at the stage and the singer was looking right at me. He locked my gaze and I felt as if I was falling under a spell. My eyes closed as I swayed to the mysterious music and began to feel not unlike the feeling of being in Marie's presence…

Marie! My eyes shot open and I quickly turned around just as I saw a figure near the stage heading out a side door. From the back, it looked like Marie but I couldn't be sure until she turned her head back and smiled at me.

I hastily started pushing my way through the crowd hoping to reach the door before I lost sight of my target.

I made it through the door and saw the hallway which Marie was walking down. Her dress was a severe contrast to the sea of black I'd just left. It was white with one bare shoulder and a gold braided belt around her waist. This made me think again how Marie looked Egyptian…except for the paleness of her skin.

Her hair was in one, long braid and tossed over her one covered shoulder. As I approached her, I noticed another tattoo, this one on the back of her bare shoulder.

I didn't remember seeing this one last night, but then there are many things from last night that are not clear in my head.

This tattoo was different than the one I saw up close and personal last night. Where the first one had the beautiful artwork of a Renaissance piece, this one looked like it would be more at home on a Nazi SS uniform.

The ink was all black. The design appeared to be a "T" with triangles moving down the vertical and a type of fanfare hanging from the horizontal.

When I finally was close enough, I grabbed her arm and turned her around.

"Michael", she smiled, "I'm so happy to see you here. I didn't realize you were a fan. Are you hungry?" she asked as she turned back to the door she had reached.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am" I answered, "but first I'd like to ask you a few things".

"I'm sure. Would you like some dinner?"

"What I'd like" I responded tersely, "is some answers!"

"Well, if you'll come with me, I'll see if I can fulfill both of your needs at once." With that she was through the door and I was left alone in the hallway.

The last time I was alone with Marie, things didn't work out so well. But, if I didn't follow her, I may never get the answers I needed from her. And, it seemed, the longer I waited, the more questions I was coming up with.

I decided to follow her into the room, but I certainly wasn't going to accept anything to eat or drink from her. The last thing I needed at this point was for her to slip another mickey in my drink.

The room beyond the door was dark and the quickly moving shadows showed me that the light in this space came from candles. I closed the door and began to focus in the dimly lit room.

In the center of the room was a man, naked and sprawled out on a lounge. What I at first took to be a dark space in the room focused into a naked woman with skin the color of milk chocolate and hair dyed a deep bronze.

The woman had her back to me and was straddled across the man's thighs riding up and down on him while kissing the man's neck and chest. I could see a tattoo on her lower back but it was too dark to make out any of the details.

The sound of a wet kiss drew my attention to the man's side where another woman knelt on the ground beside him.

While clothed in what appeared to be tight, black leather pants, she was topless and her very ample bosom was pressed into his ribs. The short, blonde hair was cut in a severe style. The tattoo that seemed to cover her entire shoulder and upper arm also hinted of masculinity in this woman.

The man appeared to be fondling this blonde's breast, but then I realized that the woman was holding his hand close and appeared to be kissing him up and down his arm.

I looked around the room for Marie but didn't see her. While the tightening in my pants was drawing me forward, I fought off the feeling. I would not cheat on my wife again. Rita may forgive me for one slip over 16 years, but not a second in as many nights.

I began looking around for another exit out of the room, trying to be quiet so as to not draw unwanted attention to myself.

Suddenly, both women stood up and away from the man so I got my first real glimpse of him.

He lay there, naked and stretched out. His skin, like so many in this Goth world, was pale and I could see dark spots on his neck and chest that appeared to be some kind of artwork.

Realizing the absurdity of just standing there like some voyeur, I decided to ask the man if he noticed Marie walk through the room. Though, with what he had going on on his own, I doubted he would notice Godiva herself riding naked through the ménage a trios' room on horseback.

In the closer candle light, the pale skin looked sicklier then the milk colored skin that those like Marie had. Then I noticed that the artwork on his chest that I thought was a tattoo was moving...running would be a better term.

The coppery smell that hit me made my stomach leap and I realized that it was blood running down the man's chest and dripping down his arm. The pale skin that looked like illness a minute ago now had the pallor of death.

My first reaction should have been to run, to get out of the room and away from the club, but it wasn't. I stared in fascination at the blood and my mouth went dry as my stomach flipped upon itself again. I felt drawn to the man and was about to take a step towards him when I felt a presence close at my side.

"Hungry Michael?" I turned to see the beautiful black woman, still naked, standing beside me. Her eyes glowed red to match the blood that was running down the sides of her mouth and dripping onto her breasts.

I spun to run out of the room, but the last thing I remember was connecting face first with the door jam. Then there was nothing but blackness.

#entertheembrace #vampire #vampyr #witch #fantasy #urban fantasy #dark fantasy #gothic #goth #horror #witches

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sefilomeo · 4 years

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Appreciating the Lowly Persimmon

S.E. Filomeo--Tidbits from an educator, writer, gardener, and chefette—promoting less waste, more taste.

Just last month, my friend Kimberly and I were walking through my orchard when she spied an orange fruit hanging from one of the trees. Plucking it off and pointing it toward her mouth, she was about to take a bite when I caught her. “No!” I snapped. “You don’t want to eat that!” “But why? It looks ripe. What is it?” she replied undaunted. That’s what I love about her (well, one of the many things). Her curiosity and appreciation for food of all types is what brought us together and has helped us cultivate such a strong friendship. When I saw that fruit headed toward her open mouth, I was horrified because I know too well the damage an unripe Hachiya persimmon can do to the tongue. It’s almost as bad as biting into an olive straight off the tree that has not been cured. Left unwarned, Kimberly’s mouth would have puckered with the texture of a thousand hair balls and would be nearly impossible to purge, regardless of how much water she swallowed, or spat. Only time would cleanse her palette from the astringent tannins of the unripe fruit. And this is the bane of the lowly persimmon. I believe it is due to this affliction—the persimmon’s only real flaw—that it is so under-appreciated. But to be fair, there are two general types of cultivated persimmons, the Hachiya and the Fuyu, each with its own distinctive attributes and uses. They are both delicious when given the consideration they each deserve. To put it simply, one is for baking and the other is for eating straight off the tree. Obviously, the one headed for my friend’s mouth was not the later. I grew up with the baking one, the Hachiya. Ready to make her famous persimmon cookies, my mom would declare them ripe enough, and would send me out to the orchard to gather only the ones that were so ripe they looked as though they would lose contact with the branch at any moment. And naturally, many of those had already been deemed ripe by the birds. These elongated, oval-shaped fruits are mouth-puckeringly tart unless absolutely, supremely ripe. They should be unbelievably soft and are often nearly liquified into a silky, smooth jelly-like pulp inside the peel. When pureed, they add substantial moisture and a mild, pumpkin-like flavor to cakes, cookies, breads, and puddings. With the addition of fall spices, these tasty baked treats can liven up an otherwise drab cooking season and rival the fragrance and flavor of any pumpkin-based fare. Only fairly recently did I come upon the other variety, the Fuyu. A Japanese friend of mine shared some with me, saying that one must eat it like an apple. Having grown up with the terribly astringent Hachiya, I was justifiably skeptical. To allay my fears, she proceeded to slice it and upon sampling it, I was in love. By contrast to the Hachiya, the Fuyu persimmon is considered to be non-astringent, although not completely free of tannins as the term suggests, but it is far less astringent than the Hachiya before it is fully ripened. Its tannins also disappear sooner in the maturation process, so you can eat Fuyus while still on the firm side, although they are also wonderful when very soft. The Fuyu is smaller than the Hachiya and somewhat squat and flat. They add interest and flavor to any salad and are quite delicious fresh off the grill. These bright orange gems have become my favorite apple replacement on my late-season charcuterie board. Persimmons are one of the oldest fruits cultivated with roots back in ancient Asia. Records show that they have been grown in China for over 2,000 years and are also native to Japan, Korea, Burma, and Nepal. Japanese and Chinese cultivars were first introduced to the U.S. around 1870. According to UC Davis, most domestic commercial production of persimmons is centered right here in California. Rich in dietary fiber, persimmons also contain many nutrients such as manganese, iron, beta-carotene, vitamins A and C, as well as several other health-promoting phytonutrients and antioxidants. They contain the phytochemical, betulinic acid, which has been shown to have anti-viral, anti-malarial, and anti-inflammatory properties, as well as great potential as an anti-cancer/tumor agent. With so many health benefits, it is no wonder that persimmons have long been considered by the Greeks as “the divine fruit.” The fruit is actually a berry from the edible fruit trees in the genus, Diospyros, which means “fruit of the gods.” According to folklore, persimmon seeds can be used to predict the severity of the coming winter. The seeds from a locally grown persimmon are soaked in hot water to soften before being gently pried apart so that the cotyledon inside is visible. If the tiny plant-to-be has a fork shape, the winter will be mild. A spoon shaped cotyledon indicates that there will be a lot of snow, but beware of the cotyledon in the shape of a knife, as the winter will be bitingly cold, or “cut like a knife.” Although many mid-westerners and easterners, including farmers, believe this old wive’s tale, I’m not sure how accurate it would be here in the valley, since we don’t generally get a lot of snow. Whether the old lore is to be believed or not, it does say a lot about how the persimmon is revered in other parts of the country. Once you get to know persimmons and how to use them, you’re sure to find delicious ways to indulge. Whether it’s scooping out the luscious flesh of a Hachiya to be baked into a steamy, spiced pudding, or slicing a firm Fuyu into a fall-fruit salad with fresh winter mesclun, they are sure to be one of your go-to late-season fruits. As for myself, I grow both types on the farm and am excited to share them both—in their best form—with my friend Kimberly.

For daily garden goodness, join me on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter.

#persimmons #fuyupersimmon #Hachiya #baking #gardening

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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475

Was your life better or worse or the same five years ago? I was definitely happier back in 2014, that’s for sure. Life was easier in high school, there were fewer things to worry about, everything was prepared for me, and it was generally quite the sheltered life. I’d rather live in the present, more matured and grown, though. It’s a lot shittier this time around, more uncomfortable, more inconvenient but there are more lessons to learn. Would you rather visit NYC, LA, or Chicago? CHICAGO, without a damn doubt. It’s the one state I ever want to visit in that country and after that, never again. Have you ever been to Chicago? No. Would you ever want to live in a big city? Yes. I feel like I was always meant for the city since I always find myself happiest when I’m already there. I live in the part of town that’s half-rural half-urban, and while it’s comfortable, it’s not really working for me in the bigger scheme of things. Does your first crush know they were your first crush? Oh no no no. And it’s too late to tell her. I don’t mind if she never gets to know honestly; I was 11 and it’s a crush I never really invested my emotions in so it doesn’t matter all that much.

What color is your favorite laundry basket? I don’t have a favorite... How old were you when you got your first smartphone? I was a late bloomer; I was 16. My parents didn’t trust me with gadgets because I had a history of either breaking or losing them as a child. My last phone before that was given to me when I was 9 and it was a flip phone, so my first iPhone 5S was really a memorable experience for me haha. What is your favorite app on your phone? I don’t have a favorite, I just have most-used ones which in my case is Twitter, Facebook, and Messenger. What is the background on your phone? Lock screen is Hayley Williams; home screen is a photobooth picture of me and Gabie. I’ll always remember that shoot because a REALLY strong earthquake hit Metro Manila the very moment we stepped into the booth and had our shots taken. We had no idea until our parents both were calling our phones right after we finished. What is your favorite thing to do in the swimming pool? Uh. Swim? Do you have a swimming pool? Nope. What is the biggest city you've lived in (if you want to answer)? Manila. Do you own an American flag shirt? No thank you. Which country (or countries) has the best flag, in your opinion? Nepal’s is pretty awesome for its shape. Did you get your personality from your mom or your dad, or neither? I got elements from both. I get annoyed like my mom but I have mannerisms and expressions from my dad. Will you be eating bbq chicken this July 4th? I don’t care. Would you rather wear red, white, or blue? Red’s always suited me the best, so I’ll go with that. Have you ever lit fireworks in your backyard? No. When we buy fireworks we usually do it on the rooftop since the space there is bigger and more open. Have you made many stupid decisions/mistakes? Haven’t we all? What does your middle name rhyme with? Gazelle. If you had one boy and one girl, what would you name them? Olivia and most probably Luis. Are there any redheads in your family? None at all. Who do you know who is allergic to nuts? I don’t think I know anyone. What is your favorite type of tree? ...I also don’t have a favorite tree. Are you superstitious? Lmfao not at all, for the most part. Gab and I had a huge fight about a Filipino superstition about death when one of our classmates from high school died. The only thing I’m superstitious about is our university’s symbol, the Oblation – they say that if you take a picture with it, you’ll risk getting delayed for a few years. It’s obviously not true but I still like to play along with it since it’s the school’s culture to just avoid the Oble altogether haha. Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No, because that’s insensitive. When was the last time you drank tea? A few weeks ago when I went out for burgers and fries with Gab, and my meal came with iced tea. I don’t drink any other type of tea. Have you downloaded extra fonts for your computer? No, I won’t really have use for them. Do you have photoshop? Nope. What type of phone do you have? iPhone 8. What is one interesting fact about you? I nearly got myself kidnapped when I was 10. A kind lady approached me and offered her hand – I’ve never seen this woman in my life. She didn’t say anything, just motioned for me to come with her. I look at her, I’m somehow brainwashed, and I reach for her hand until my mom caught me and whisked me away. What color are your walls? They’re boringly white. Who taught you how to drive a car? My dad and the driving school I went to. What is your favorite candy bar? Twix. At what time of day do you feel the best? I don’t really evaluate my days like this. I think I’m just tired for the most part lol. Are there a lot of mosquitoes where you live? In certain months of the year, yes. They mostly flock from July to October. What does your swimsuit look like? I have several swimsuits. What clothing store do you shop at the most? I haven’t shopped for clothes in a while. Who is the latest great youtuber you've discovered? Zach Choi, he does amazing mukbang ASMR videos lmao. Do you read the Bible regularly? HELLLLLLL NO What color is your dresser? Brown. Do you own any antique furniture? We have at our old house, but not here. Would you ever want to live in a castle? Pass. What is your favorite cold drink from Starbucks? Caramel macchiato. I used to have it hot but I changed to iced and so far it’s one of the best decisions I’ve evermade. Do you consider yourself "trendy"? Meh, to an extent. I can recognize names and songs and memes and slangs and anything that’s viral, but I’m old enough to be convinced that some of what the kids are now into are stupid. Name three patriotic songs you like. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Do you like your hair better long or short? Short. Do you like your hair better curly or straight? Wavy would be best. Which major holiday is closest to your birthday? Easter Sunday. It happened on my birthday this year. Have you ever had an outdoor birthday party? No. Has it ever snowed on your birthday? No. Do you like the way your name is spelled? Sure. I hated it before, but when I got older it grew on me. Are you close with any of your cousins? Yes; I’m closest with my eldest cousin on my mom’s side. I call him Kuya since he’s almost like my brother, anyway. Who is your favorite cousin? Him! Do you really think that light blonde is the best hair color? I never thought that in the first place. Do you think that blue eyes are the prettiest? No, but I don’t think it’s a bad color eiher.

#survey #surveys

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rochellek1994 · 5 years

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Summary of 2018

It is a new year tomorrow and I would love to talk about my year as whole and goodness me, what a year it was for me! Obviously it had ups and downs but there was something quite special about this year as a whole.

I will admit, the start of 2018 was a bit rocky with me having some really bad months with little to no motivation, some intense miserable moments as well. A big one for me though was the unfortunate news that one my uncles (Neil) passed away very suddenly in late March and it struck a lot of us in the family. As many people say, they may be gone but they will never be forgotten. (There was something minor that did help me through those months however, I will be covering that in another paragraph as this turned out to be a big and positive thing for me this year)

Skipping forward now to the positives/highlights. June finally came along and I specifically remember it being the end of Suffolk Day when I started really saying to myself "Nah, I've had enough of myself like this. I want to go out and do something instead of sitting here and getting gradually more miserable." (if anyone isn't aware, I do have some motivation issues and whatnot)

Note: Even though June was the start to something positive with Suffolk Day, there was something someone in my family did on Suffolk Day that was shockingly awful. I won't go into too much detail (the rest of the details are on my Twitter somewhere) but I was severely lied to and manipulated on that day, that is all I'll be saying there.

So, onto the good stuff! What I first started working on first was my sleep schedule (unfortunately, the schedule isn't exactly 100% but if I still fight and work towards a good sleep schedule, then it most likely will be) and it has worked wonders and has been very helpful for a lot of things which I will mention in the coming paragraphs.

During June this year I really started to pay more attention to my local radio station despite being a listener for many years, that radio station is called BBC Radio Suffolk. It might have just been one of the greatest things to do to see what I could do and it turns out that paying more attention to the amazing shows that are broadcast on the station had worked wonders and in fact, BBC Suffolk gets my massive credit for helping me meet so many new people such as presenters, show producers, other local listeners (most notably an amazing man called Neil and that will be covered in the one of the paragraphs).

Public events: Late June was the start of me wanting to attend local events and I did just that!

The start of it all was the Music By The Sea event on the 30th of June. If I remember correctly as well, it was hosted/compared by Stephen Foster from BBC Radio Suffolk the whole time and the whole event was brilliant! If it is on again in 2019 then I will definitely think about going back.

Then July 1st came along and I think this was the biggest music event I had attended in 2018 and that was the Ipswich Music Day in Christchurch Park. About 40,000 people were estimated to have attended that as a whole. My biggest highlight of the day had to be watching a local band called Reno & Rome perform for the first time ever. Something I had wanted to do for a while. Only downside of the day however, was a family member's behaviour that day. Not going to lie, it really shocked me with how rude and childish she was being throughout the day.

July 27th and July 28th then was the day of Sax Fest and that was an amazing concert, unfortunately Reno & Rome (who I mentioned earlier for Ipswich Music Day) had got their headlining set cancelled last minute when a ferocious thunderstorm came along and almost ripped the stage apart with high winds etc. I do need to say that the only downside I experienced at Sax Fest was on day 2. Many of you know that I have a form of autism and I can tell you guys right now, I may have felt the worst build up of a meltdown ever. I am so thankful however, that I didn't explode altogether as I was fighting to keep it away. That was a scary one for me, especially when it was with me for hours.

Then we come to an event called The Nearly Festival on the 30th of July and the weather completely changed, it was raining the whole time. Despite that, the event was lovely with some great performances. I will admit, I had a very embarrassing moment when an Oasis tribute band were performing but I won't go into too much detail on that one. lol

Then, 24th of August to 26th of August was my 2nd year of the Maui Waui festival! Just like last year, it was a great event. Only downside I had however, I did feel like I was a bit boring this year as I had some insane exhaustion/tiredness issues during the festival. A highlight however? Seeing my crazy mother dressed as an inflatable dinosaur on the Saturday. lol

2nd of September was the One Big Multicultural Event in Ipswich and it was AWESOME! To see so many people of different backgrounds to band together for this festival was truly an amazing sight to see. The performances, food, drink etc. was incredible. If it is on again next year, I will try to think about going back.

The 23rd of September, I attended a much different event than usual and it was a dog show called Companion Dog Day that was organised by a wonderful lady called Shirley and it was held at Jimmy's Farm in Wherstead, just on the outskirts of Ipswich. It was a nice day despite the horrid weather.

November the 1st was the night of Stephen Foster's Secret Gig which was a BBC Radio Suffolk special gig held at Greshams in Ipswich which featured an amazing tribute band to Electric Light Orchestra called the ELO ENCOUNTER. I remember seeing these guys perform at Music By The Sea in June and they were incredible. Not only that, I highly enjoyed the quiz-off with Stephen and the BBC Radio Suffolk travel presenter, Barry Lewis.

November 16th came along and as we all know, it was Children in Need. I attended some 2 great events which were Wayne Bavin's Big Buskathon at the Cornhill in Ipswich and then Lesley Dolphin's Children in Need Afternoon Party at Wherstead Park in Wherstead.

Finally for public events, the 7th of December and the 8th of December I attended some Christmas light switch-ons and both events were absolutely lovely!

Now this part will be about a man (that I mentioned on the BBC Radio Suffolk paragraph) called Neil (this one is not my uncle by the way) because on most Thursdays from 11AM to about 1PMish/2PMish, he runs these community respite walks with friends in Felixstowe and the best part is, anyone can attend! I started attending in July this year with my mum and this is by far my most favourite walking event I have ever taken part in. We do have to get up early to catch the bus at around 7.20AMish and then the train just a little bit after 8AM and then another train just after 9AM but the walks in Felixstowe are seriously worth it for the journey I have to take.

BBC Look East on the 6th of September (aired 7th of September): Along with Neil who organised this... Myself, my mum and a couple of others took part in a community litter pick at Felixstowe and we were being filmed by BBC Look East. Highlight had to be seeing my crazy mother dressed as an inflatable dinosaur again. lol (Unfortunately, as far as I'm aware, the episode is no longer available online)

Community Music Event in my town: I started to regularly be a spectator a local community music event again in my local town but the only problem is, I'm not a performer so I don't perform there but I did somehow find my own little 'role' in the community and it is the only place I use my phone to film the songs that the community confidently sing or play regarding instruments. One example I can give is that my best friend brings her Bongos to drum at the event and my word, I cannot tell you guys enough how incredible she is at drumming. It is truly spectacular!

LEAVING THE BEST TILL LAST!

The biggest positive for me had to be my photography and my drive to go out and take photos of the countryside (even though I had been doing it since 2017), this year was even better for me photography wise. Especially when it comes to sharing them online on my Twitter, Instagram, Facebook etc. and not to mention, photography really helped me get by on my low months at the start of 2018. Also, I do have to say a huge thank you to those that have shown interest in me and my photography, I appreciate and love you all for it. I can't wait for next year to see what other photographs I can take not just for me, but for you all as well! The support that you all have given me has kept me going with this!

That is all I wanted to talk about. Overall, there were some ups and downs but despite all of that, 2018 was a very good year for me.

Happy New Year everyone!

#new years eve #2018 #Happy New Year #photography #bbc radio suffolk

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the-christian-walk · 3 years

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WILL YOU BE COUNTED AMONG THE FOOLISH OR THE WISE?

Can I pray for you in any way?

Send any prayer requests to [email protected] In Christ, Mark

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** Follow The Christian Walk on Twitter @ThChristianWalk

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The scriptures. May God bless the reading of His holy word.

“At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.”

“At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’”

“Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’”

“‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’”

“But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.”

“Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’”

“But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’”

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”

Matthew 25:1-13

This ends today’s reading from God's holy word. Thanks be to God.

It had to be fascinating to be someone who had the privilege and pleasure to hear the teaching and preaching of Jesus in person. Sometimes, I wonder what it might have been like if I lived in that day and time.

As we read across the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, it’s very obvious that Jesus was no ordinary minister. He used techniques to convey the will and desires of God that had never been used before. And of course, the spiritual power He displayed through His teaching was so great that we read this about it in Matthew, Chapter 7, verses 28 and 29, as Jesus concluded His famous Sermon on the Mount:

When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at His teaching, because He taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.

Did I mention Jesus taught in a way unlike anything the people had heard before?

Now one thing that separated Jesus from other teachers of His day was that He often used parables, which were essentially fictional stories which contained non-fictional, spiritual truths. These truths served to show a person how to live in a way that God expected.

As Jesus entered His final two days before death, we find Him still about His Father’s business and teaching in the temple. Within Matthew Chapter 25, we get a snapshot of those teachings, three parables which we will cover to end this week. Two of these parables, the first and the last of these three have a connection to Jesus’ return, fitting in that He was soon to die, be resurrected, and then ascend to sit at the right hand of God the Father.

Let’s look again at today’s scripture passage which has been commonly known as the Parable of the Ten Virgins:

"At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise ones, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.”

“At midnight the cry rang out: ‘Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’”

“Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’”

“‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’”

“But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.”

“Later the others also came. ‘Lord, Lord,’ they said, ‘open the door for us!’”

“But he replied, ‘Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’”

“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.” Matthew 25:1-13

Here we find a fictional story with its truth set in the future. Jesus compares this to what the kingdom of heaven will look like and it’s obvious that kingdom was soon to come to earth in the form of Jesus who is the bridegroom in the parable.

In Matthew’s gospel, this isn’t the first time we find Jesus referring to Himself this way. For if we turn back to the ninth chapter, we find Jesus saying this to John’s disciples who were questioning why Jesus’ followers weren’t fasting like they were:

“How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.” Matthew 9:15

Jesus would not be with His chosen disciples for long and so it was important that they cherished and reveled in every moment they shared together. There would be a time ahead for fasting but that time had not yet come.

Going back to the parable at the center of today’s devotion, we find ten virgins who each had lamps and had journeyed out to meet the bridegroom who was obviously delayed in his arrival. In Jesus’ story, note where the virgins weren’t on the same level when it came to sensibility. Half of them were wise, taking an extra jar of oil along on the trip, while the other five were foolish, only taking their lamps with no spare oil.

Well, the ten Virginia reached their rendezvous point with the bridegroom but he was so late in arriving that the scriptures tell us they all became drowsy before drifting off to sleep.

Now, have you ever been wakened suddenly from a very sound sleep?

I know I have.

How did you feel when you first woke up?

If you’ve been like me, there is a brief period of disorientation as you are trying to emerge from sleep mode and get your brain operational to deal with what’s going on. It can be a rather hectic moment for many people.

As we go back to Jesus’ parable, we find the bridegroom finally arriving at midnight, announced with a mighty cry, “Here’s the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!’”

Awakened suddenly, the five foolish virgins quickly realize their total lack of preparation. Their lamps were getting set to go out which would leave them in darkness. Hoping to get an assist from the other five wiser virgins, they don’t ask but rather demand:

“Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.”

The five wise virgins denied this demand and rebuked their foolish counterparts for not being ready saying:

“No, there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.”

The wise virgins knew that if they shared the extra oil, they could end up in the same place as their foolish peers, and the very reason they brought the extra oil was to not find themselves in a bad place to begin with. And so they rejected the request and the foolish virgins left to buy oil for their nearly empty lamps, a decision that caused them to miss the opportunity that the bridegroom presented. For we read that when the bridegroom arrived, he took the five wise virgins with him into the wedding banquet and shut anyone else out, including the five foolish virgins who returned later only to find themselves on the outside looking in. They pleaded to the bridegroom:

“Lord, Lord, open the door for us!’”

But they were rejected and left out of the great banquet, outsiders who were unknown and not part of the wedding party.

So what was the point here? What was Jesus trying to teach the Jewish and Gentile listeners who heard His preaching? And what is He trying to teach us today, well more than 2,000 years later?

The answer to the question is this:

The time is now to ready ourselves for the second coming of Jesus, the blessed Bridegroom who will one day return to call His betrothed to Him forever.

Note the command to “keep watch” given by Jesus. This is a call for vigilance by all those who desire a place in the great wedding celebration that will occur when Jesus comes back. And since the day and hour of His return is unknown, there is a sense of urgency in making sure we are ready and prepared.

The wise are those who have placed their faith and trust in Jesus, a faith and trust which is akin to the extra oil in the jar. The faith and trust in Jesus keeps the lamp of hope burning brightly until the Bridegroom returns to make all things new.

The foolish are the ones who feel there is no urgency in believing in Jesus. Rather that want to live a life dictated by modeling what Jesus did, fools take more of an “anything goes” approach to the way they live, putting off any commitment to a Savior until later. In the end translation, these fools are playing Russian roulette with their very souls for when Jesus returns, it will be too late to get to eternal life and a multitude of people will be left on the outside looking in, crying out to Jesus:

“Lord, Lord, open the door for us!’”

Only to hear Him reply:

“Truly I tell you, I don’t know you.’”

Friends, Jesus is returning and will do so at a time that is not known. And so the question right now is this:

Will you be counted among the foolish or the wise when He comes back?

I urge you today to make sure you are prepared by accepting Jesus as Savior. By doing so, you will ensure having a place within the great wedding banquet when it happens.

Amen.

In Christ,

Mark

PS: Feel free to leave a comment and please share this with anyone you feel might be blessed by it. Send any prayer requests to [email protected]

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930club · 6 years

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9:30 Interviews Captain Scott Kelly

Recently, we happened upon the (insanely rad) opportunity to talk a true American hero – astronaut Captain Scott Kelly, who spent a year aboard the International Space Station from March 2015 – March 2016. Given our status as a music venue/blog, we tried to angle our questions more towards music and its affect on Captain Kelly throughout his journeys. His NASA career and other amazing life adventures (including flying the likes of F-14 Tomcats and the Space Shuttle) are chronicled in his recent memoir, Endurance, which can be purchased anywhere fine books are sold.

Kezer: Before we get into music, I wanted to first start by saying that I recently also read Alfred Lansing’s Endurance, which you frequently reference in your book. Obviously there are parallels that have to do with venturing into the great unknown and isolation in potentially hazardous situations. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to expound a little more about what Shackleton’s journey means to you and how it informed the writing of your book.

Kelly: Well, I took that book with me the first time I flew, because I felt like if the conditions had ever gotten so bad on the Space Station, where I felt like it was too challenging, I would just look in Shackleton’s book and realize, “Hey I got it pretty good up here.” I kind of took it as a somewhat of an insurance policy against hardship in space. Fortunately, I didn’t need it. I mean, living in space for a long time is hard, but, nothing, I think, like what those guys endured.

And then, I don’t have many mentors or personal heroes, but Shackleton – understanding his life story and the type of person he was – having his book and using the title of the book as it related to my time in space and just my life in general - I thought it was a good thing.

Another book you reference heavily is Tom Wolfe’s The Right Stuff, which served as a launching point for your ultimate life goal and eventually led you to space. I’m curious if there has been any sort of musical work (be it an album, a piece of composed music, a single song, etc.) that has served as a catalyst in your life, if even a small catalyst.

So, I have a very broad range of musical tastes - classical music to hip-hop and just about everything in between. You know, I always thought Coldplay’s “Speed of Sound” talked to me a little bit about flying in space.

I noticed that it was on your Spotify “Songs of a Year in Space” playlist.

Yeah, a lot of those songs on that Spotify list were important to me for different reasons. It was not very specific, but I tried to order those songs as if they were somewhat related to my mission from beginning to end.

It’s kind of hard to explain. Like, if you were to listen to it, you might think, “What is he thinking to put that there?” But, at the time in space, when I put that together, it made sense to me. I haven’t listened to it in awhile, but I listen to those songs, because I like them - but I don’t listen to that specific Spotify playlist.

The prelaunch playlist for the Soyuz [rocket/spacecraft that took Kelly and two Russian cosmonauts into space] in which McCartney, Roberta Flack, Springsteen are played and which leads to the Russian pop song “Aviator,” is that something that you put together on your own? Or, is there a group that determines your music while you’re waiting for launch?

All three of us do, and the songs that were mine on the playlist were the Bruce Springsteen song… we all provide songs, and the Roberta Flack one [“Killing Me Softly”], even though I love that song, was not my choice. I didn’t really think it was appropriate. [laughs] The Paul McCartney song was mine. The Sarah Brightman song – I may or may not have put that on there. That might have been the Russians.

So when you’re sitting there in the Soyuz capsule, is the playlist merely an occupation of time?

Yeah, it’s just strictly entertainment to kill time. There’s a lot of time in the launch countdown where the Russians pipe in music. NASA uses music, too, like for the Shuttle missions – we would have wake-up music. “Wake Up Songs,” – every morning they would play that to wake the crew up. Typically, the crew would be up anyway, but each crewmember’s family would pick one or two songs.

On the Space Station, we don’t use wake-up music, because you wouldn’t want Control Center blasting you with music every morning to wake you up. And, you know, people get up at different times.

But, in general, music on the Space Station is very important. I spent nearly a year up there and would often have music playing in different modules. You would listen to music in your crew quarters while exercising at night. Often, on weekends, while people were still sleeping, I would go into the cupola, which is a module of windows [that look down on Earth], and listen to classical music. I would stay there for 90-minutes sometimes, watching the Earth go by. It was very peaceful.

In regards the Russians, I know a lot of the book focuses on the differences between the American/European/Russian space programs. I’m just curious as to how they absorb music – I know you wrote that they LOVE Depeche Mode. I’m just curious if they absorb music differently than the American/European astronauts, and if you have any general impressions about that.

Well, certainly, Western artists are much more important to them, than Russian musicians are important to us. Now, having said that, I do have one Russian pop star that I listen to in Russian, and her name is Alsu. She’s got a great album, it’s called Solo. Even though she’s Russian, she spent a lot of time in the U.K., so she sings in perfect English.

There are certain bands that the Russians find very popular. Like, Paul McCartney with the Beatles and “Back in the USSR.” Depeche Mode is hugely popular. In fact, we’ve seen them in Russia. I would say, that in terms of music, and, I just realized it – certain things I do in spaceflight – it’s somewhat similar to when you see professional athletes getting off the bus with headphones on. It psyches you up for what you’re about to do.

Getting away from Space for a second – I know you’ve had an insane schedule for the past couple of decades, but do you get a chance to take in live music?

Yeah! Sometimes – I saw Elton John in Las Vegas recently, who was great. I saw him at Madison Square Garden in the mid-‘80s, when he was wearing the duck costume. I saw the Dead this past summer. I’m trying to think of who else I’ve seen recently. I saw Fleetwood Mac – so yeah, I go to concerts, you know, when I have the opportunity.

I went to this blues bar in Chicago – that place was frickin’ awesome. It was my first time going to a blues club in Chicago, which was great. It was called Blue Chicago.

We’ve seen Hamilton a couple of times – that was excellent.

As far as your hearing – did they do any tests after your year on the ISS and were there any changes?

So, I have high-frequency hearing loss. But it seems like it comes – it kinda started when I became an astronaut in 1996. And, even though I’ve been exposed to a lot of noise, my hearing hasn’t really changed significantly. So I’ve been really good at protecting my hearing. And I think the high-frequency hearing loss was based on the Navy, flying airplanes.

To wrap things up – I know there is emphasis in your book about bringing humanity together for the purpose of accomplishing great things, especially for something like going to Mars. I was curious as to your thoughts of how music may or may not play a part in something like that, if even a small part.

Yeah – you know, it’s a large part of people’s lives and it definitely translates out into space. I’m pretty sure that the Voyager spacecraft contains music. And it’s outside of our Solar System. It’s very important.

Thanks for taking the time to talk to us today, Captain Kelly. We know you’re very busy and we appreciate it. And, thanks for taking us all on a fun journey with your book. It was great.

Alright – thanks!

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You can keep up with Captain Kelly’s happenings at ScottKelly.com, on Twitter at @StationCDRKelly, and on Facebook at facebook.com/StationCDRKelly - Dave Kezer

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