#it was actually insane like I could see the pillars with my naked eye!!

[southislandwren]

I was gonna make the joke “Astro prof said she liked my photo which means I get a good grade in aurora pics, which is normal and possible to achieve,” but then I remembered that I’ll probably actually get extra credit for going out and taking some pics of the aurora because it’s space class.

#it was actually insane like I could see the pillars with my naked eye!! #taken in eastern SD. KP of 5! #space post

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

Sitting down to watch Dario Argento's Il Fantasma dell'Opéra (1998) starring Julian Sands for the first time.

Also in case anyone who sees this didn't know, Julian, our beloved rat man, is currently missing. He (an experienced mountaineer) went missing during a hike on Mount Baldy in California two weeks ago, so please let's pray for him and his family.

Anyway, PSA's aside, let's get into what i know is going to be an incredibly bizarre trip.

I watched Inferno right before this. Dario Argento loves rats, huh?

This Opera house is gorgeous.

Oh good she covered her tits

Whoa, intense. Right off the bat.

I feel like this Phantom, more than any other, really earns his Parisisn Sewer Man status

The blood in this is much better than in Suspiria. I was worried it would be oil paint again

Oh Raoul's only a Baron here. Dario downgraded him.

Dubbing still sucks though. Nice to know some things never change

Love how no matter what incarnation, Carlotta always has some obsequious weirdo following her around

This gore is amazing. That thumb? 🤌🏻

Oh he is suphhhhherbly creepy I love it

Feral Grunge Phantom is feral

"Oh you like my smell? Well do you want my scarf? Go ahead take it. Yeah, you can masturbate with that if you want"

This is insane, but I love it

This is where my sister tapped out

Asia Argento is really Christine Daaé's Edgy Thot era

Oh this is our Raoul? Ew. Gross. Give me rat man, please

Oof. Friend. Zoned.

Something tells me things are not gonna end well for these nosy Opera house employees

I'M NOT A PHANTOM, I'M A RAT. Iconic.

Oh he's so homicidal. Impaling!

Baby girl (not Christine) you are going to be murdered just deal with it.

Okay I enjoy gratuitous murder, but this whole sequence is totally superfluous

Love the ballet girls running into Christine's dressing room a la the first chapter of the book with the girls running to Sorelli.

Actually Asia Argento is kind of exactly how I imagined La Sorelli.... she's just got that kind of face. You know, whore face. Hence Du Barry.

Oh this rooftop is very pretty. And very fake looking.

I can't even describe to you what I just saw.

Okay her lip-synching is prrretty terrible

Raoul's brother looks like Mephistopheles

This bathhouse scene... choices were made

Well I'll say this, I think this is the only version I've seen that really captures Raoul's emotional instability

Rat man gets points for his woodchipper policy on child predators.

Dario really decided to run with the whole rat catcher thing... again, choices were made

Not into the fact that Ratrik doesn't row her across the lake himself. That's vakuable eye-fucking real estate wasted

What's that noise? Oh nothing, just the Phantom of the Opera pounding his organ

Yes! Finally! A version of this damn story where they actually get to fuck!

Those are silk sheets. Even Rat Phantom has drip

AND he's telling her his back story himself! This would be more poignant if he had the deformity, but I'll let it slide

Oh my gosh, I know this still ends tragically, but actually seeing a Phantom get to hold Christine naked in bed, in afterglow is so incredibly healing to me.

Also all of these boudoir shots are incredibly pretty

Oh, is the maid the costume designer from Opera? I thought I recognized her.

Love how all of the costumes in Carlotta's dressing room are obviously too small for her

Okay Dario, you needed to dial this back just a little

I would like a gif of shirtless Julian sands sledgehammering that support pillar

This is of course one of the biggest versions for inflating the casualties in the chandelier crash

Oh I like that they actually had Gounod conducting! That's a book pull!

See, now I'm very annoyed that I have to take back some of the points he earned killing that child predator for this very rapey behavior. Pick a lane, Dario!

I could edit this into a decent version

"She's the Phantom's whore!" You betcha

Girl, will you make up your mind?

Kinda feel bad for Raoul here, he's gotta be terribly confused

This is kind of dumb, he should have just gotten into the boat with them

Supremely glad he got to kill the rat-catcher

I do love the music in this movie though. Really beautiful. Oh. Ennio Morricone. That explains it.

Ok all in all conceptually I prefer this version to, say the Charles Dance one.

But Dario just had to put his toe over the line just a few too many times, didn't he? We could have done without the boob-threat scene with Carlotta and the bizarre steam-punk rat-catching machine, and the rapey-ness obviously and I'd have called it good. As it is... we'll call it passable.

Watch it for the boudoir scene and the superbly handled gore if for nothing else.

#phantom of the opera 1998 #phantom of the opera #julian sands #asia argento #the phantom of the opera #il fantasma dell'opera

[hotdamnhunnam]

Five Shades of Hunnam

President • King • Captain • Pilot • Gentleman

Part 1 | Part 2

A/N: Here’s Part 2 of this crazy filthy fantasy of getting gang-banged* by five versions of Charlie!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Part 2 is written based on the results of this poll asking which Hunnams y’all would prefer in each hole 🤪

Pairings: Jax Teller + King Arthur + Will Miller + Raleigh Becket + Raymond Smith ... x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, dirty talk, rough sex, gang bang* (5 on 1), *NOT gang r*pe – fully consensual, reader enjoys getting ravaged in all of her holes 🙃 Request: Kinkfest request from @itsme-autumn

Word Count: ~3.3k

GIFs by misterhunnam | hunnamsource | charllehunnam

... Continued from Part 1 [Read Here]

“Tell me, baby. Do you want us to treat you like a lady...? Or whip out all five of our cocks and just go fucking crazy?”

The fact that Jax Teller is here in your room—standing among four other men just as stunning as him, all in the form of Mr. Charlie Fucking Hunnam—the fact that Jax just said that to you... is honestly too hot to be true.

What the hell are you supposed to say to that? Supposed to do...?

You’re soaking wet and need them bad. So horny you feel fucking dead. You want to speak and yet you can’t. King Arthur has Excalibur in hand; the way you’re feeling right this instant, hurts as if that goddamn legendary sword stabbed you straight through.

With fire in his eyes of icy blue, Jax takes a few bold steps toward you. Your gaze falls to his crotch on impulse, and it’s clear from the bulge in his jeans... he’s extremely well-hung. So damn thick. So damn long. So damn big it’s obscene. It’s not as if you’re shocked—Jax Teller always walked and talked like someone with a massive cock—but still, just seeing... is believing like fuck. Plus he’s hard as a rock.

“C’mon, what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue...?” he taunts, not ashamed to whip out a ridiculous pussycat pun. It’s so painfully dumb, but when Jax Teller says it... you basically cum. He’s a devilish dick of a dom, and he loves to flaunt it. “Bet that pussy could use some tongue on it. I mean, if you’d want it.”

Oh Goddd—you cannottt... that shit is just too fucking much, to be honest.

Thankfully Captain Will is behind you to catch your full weight, as you literally start to faint. And the feel of his touch on your skin has you falling all over again. Your poor cunt is in pain. So horny it’s insane, short-circuiting your brain.

But you’re still wide awake and conscious, well aware of just how fucking bad you want this. Every man in the room.

Will reads your mind, now as he holds you from behind. Chuckles sadistically against your ear and it’s fucking divine. “Mmm, maybe if we make her cum... then her brain will be able to function and send us all home.”

“To hell with going home,” Arthur mutters, clearly turned on at the sight of you all hot and bothered. He may be nobler than the others, but he was brought up in a brothel after all and has never denied where he came from. “I swear there’s no woman so fair in all my kingdom...”

“Nor in my dimension,” Ray seconds. “Y/N—ever since we stepped in, I’ve been dying to mention that you are delightfully hot.”

Raleigh smolders, tension in his beefy broad shoulders. The king and the gentleman... aren’t they supposed to be decent like him? Now apparently they just forgot?... “But I thought—”

The President abruptly interrupts. While Will surrounds you from behind, blowing your mind, Jax comes up front. Fucking you up, his words setting a bomb off in your cunt. “Y/N just has to tell us what we all already know she wants.”

And then somehow, you finally summon the words to your filthy whore mouth. Still unable to fathom how you got so lucky. There’s only one way to respond—so you say it now. Say it loud, slutty and proud. “I want... I want you all to fuck me. All at once.”

***************

.

.

.

And so it goes.

You and five versions of Charlie Hunnam, all here in your room, are all ready to burst and give in to your dirtiest thirsts.

First things first: you need Jax Teller’s cock in your throat, and he already knows. He can tell, all too well—and he smirks, hot as hell, because he is the worst. You’ve been so fucking eager to suck off this fictional character ever since you started watching his show.

Now he’s not at all fictional, though. You still cannot believe this is real, and just how good it feels... to know just what’s in store, as you give into all of your instincts to kneel, sinking fast to the floor... that you are actually about to blow the President of SAMCRO.

“Mmm...” the tall blonde biker hums, clearly pleased, as he watches you fall to your knees, reaching now to rip open his jeans like a cheap fucking whore. Jax’s cocksucking hoe. “There we go. Look at that slutty little mouth of yours. Go on and show me what it’s good for.”

Fuck yes, sir. But you’re too breathless now to use your words to answer, as Jax Fucking Teller’s cock is out, so big and hard and proud... a goddamn pillar of perfection...

And you are not about to waste a second, worshiping the President’s erection with your filthy little mouth.

“Unghhh....” he grunts, as you set to work right at once. The sound of his guttural groan starts a flood in your cunt, soaking up while you slobber all over his dick, focusing on the tip. Servicing him with your tongue and lips, loving it more with each lick. Slurping up every sweet drop of precum as it drips.

He is so delicious. You could go on forever like this, as if you and Jax are the only two souls who exist. But you’re not—and the fact that four other versions of the same man are watching right here in this room... just the thought, of five shades of Hunnam, five flavors of your favorite sex god... is so fucking hot.

The truth is that they’re not just here to watch, while you bury your face in Jax’s crotch. They’re here to touch. They’re here to fuck. They know that you want all five of their cocks. You’ve never wanted anything so much.

And just your luck... they want you too. These five versions of Charlie are incredibly turned on by you, though it seems too good to be true.

All of a sudden, you feel hands upon your skin as someone hoists you off the floor. King Arthur has just set aside his sword, stripped off his shirt—oh God, his chiseled muscles are so hot, so hard it hurts—and flings you easily over his shoulder like a little fucktoy whore.

“The fuck—” the President protests as your mouth slips off of his cock, with a loud pop, once the king swiftly lifts you up. Jax was not at all set for this blowjob to stop. He wants more of this mind-blowing head. “What the... I wasn’t done yet...”

“Did you not hear what Y/N said?” Arthur reminds him, as he carries you across the room and throws you down onto the bed. The way he effortlessly handles you like that... you’ve never been so wet. “The lady wants all five of us at once. You took that pretty little mouth of hers—such a sweet hole to fuck—but there are others. Now it’s time for her to take a royal cock. Give her exactly what she wants. I’m gonna lay claim to her cunt.”

Then he attacks you with a fierce animalistic grunt, tearing his leather pants away to free his meat, and ripping off your clothes as well to make sure that you feel all of his heat. His feral dominance is everything you need. The way he grabs and gropes your tits, with one of his hands... while the other reaches down to stroke your clit... holy fucking shit. You seriously can’t. It’s more than you can stand.

“You think you own that cunt?” Jax comes to butt in, all of a sudden. “Think just ‘cause you’re king you can do what you want? Well, think again. I said I wasn’t done.”

The President then reaches right under Arthur, before things can go any farther. Grabs you by the shoulders to pull you up into a better position. Like every inch of you belongs to him.

Both of these men are just manhandling you at their whim, and it feels like heaven to be sinking into such a state of submission.

The king of England and the king of Charming end up grappling for dominance for a few moments, until their struggle is cut short by a quick interruption: the captain. He’s sick of this childish behavior from them. No matter the problem, Will Ironhead Miller can always propose an efficient solution.

“Cut the bullshit—it’s not rocket science, you idiots,” he says as he tells the men how to best handle their business. “Look: Y/N sits on the king’s cock, then biker boy stands at the side of the bed, so that she can lean over and give him head.”

His suggestion is met with a pause.

Jax is first to break it, while you lie on the bed wet and naked. Glaring alpha male daggers at Ironhead, chest proud and puffed. “What, you think you’re the boss?” he indignantly scoffs.

Arthur huffs, his own ego a little bruised too. But then poses the question to you, his voice all at once tender yet rough. “That sound good to you, love?”

You cannot help but swoon at the word he just called you. How is it he’s so fucking hot, yet so cute...? Your head bobs in a dumb speechless nod; it’s the most you can do.

“Yeah, ‘course it does,” the captain confidently gloats, as you settle into the perfect position that he had proposed. Take the king in your cunt and the President deep in your throat. “Just what she loves. Dick in her mouth and her pussy. Especially because this leaves her pretty little ass ready for me.”

You could honestly die at the thought—that sounds painfully hot...?!? And so dirty... you’ve never once taken two dicks in two holes, let alone three in three... but goddamn do these men make you thirsty.

The second you sit down on King Arthur’s cock... your world is fucking rocked. He’s so epically big—just the same size as Jax’s enormous dick—speaking of which, you go straight back to being the President’s cocksucking bitch. Jax grabs you by the head from where he is standing at the side of the bed, fingers tangling in your messy hair as he feeds you his huge cock to suck. Your face will always be his to fuck.

And you still can’t get over your luck.

“Such a good little cockslut,” Jax snickers at you as he swiftly shrugs out of his kutte. Then the flannel beneath, knowing that looking up at his broad sculpted chest and his firm rippled abs is exactly what you want and need. You take his dick deeper this time around, gagging on his massive meat, gulping every inch down, and he’s so long and thick that it feels like your jaw fucking broke.

It feels so goddamn good to get wrecked, especially now with the words he says next. “You like the way I own this filthy little throat? God, you’re filthy as fuck. Taking my dick so good. Bet you can’t wait to swallow my load. That’s it, slut. Suck that cock till you choke.”

His dirty talk is so hot you can’t even cope. You used to imagine it back when you were just a fan of his show—now it’s actually happening though, and it’s more than your inner fangirl ever hoped.

And of course, it’s the instant your eyes roll back into your head, as both Arthur and Jax fuck you up on your bed, till you’re ready to burst... that the captain decides to step in and take full control, over another hole. If you thought taking two cocks at once was already the best and the worst, nothing could have prepared you for taking a third.

But the truth is you love how it hurts.

Having Jax Teller fucking your facehole all sloppy and juicy, while King Arthur slams his royal scepter into your soaking wet pussy, and Will Miller shoves his brutally big dick in your tight little ass, taking your cheeks in his tight grasp and dishing out punishing slaps... it feels like all your dreams are coming true at last. Literally cumming true at that. God, it feels so fucking good to be so fucking bad. It’s by far the best sex you have ever had. Satisfying all your sluttiest thirsts.

And as if shit could get any hotter... you’d almost forgotten that there are two others.

Two other equally beautiful versions of Charlie: the savage yet soft-spoken gentleman Ray, and the soft-hearted fighter pilot Raleigh.

You don’t even have enough holes in your body for all of them. Not sure whether and how you can handle another two Hunnams. But hot damn are you happy to tackle that problem.

As Jax and Will and Arthur keep railing you harder, filling you in every way you want... you hear another voice from nearby in the room. All at once cool and classy, yet naughty and nasty. It has to be Raymond. “Well now, who knew that this lovely woman... would turn out to be such a kinky fucking cunt.”

Ughh, fuck—you moan desperately all around Jax’s cock, the only way that you can respond. Who knew? No one. You didn’t even know it, till this moment. But now all five shades of Hunnam do. Their presence in your room has definitely brought it out of you.

At the gentleman’s words, the President flashes a smile and a sadistic little chuckle. All the while keeps on ruthlessly ravaging your filthy little fuckhole. Driving his dick into the back of your throat till it hurts. Till your slobbering tongue and your bottom lip smush up against his big balls. Addresses Ray as well as Raleigh, who is standing quietly along the far wall. “Tough luck for you all, but this bitch is fucking full. Too bad she’s only got three holes...”

“She’s got two hands, though,” Ray points out, coming toward you now, his footsteps so deliberate and slow. “What do you all reckon they’re good for...?”

Oh, good Lord...

“Stroking? Squeezing...?” he asks, reaching to take one of your hands in his dominant grasp. Wrapping your fingers tight around his throbbing shaft. You cannot even anymore. Just cannot even... “Mmm, it seems to me that Y/N summoned up five Hunnams for a reason. To be used up like a proper fucking whore.”

Three cocks have swiftly turned to four, and you can feel poor Raleigh bolting toward the door. This filthy business goes against his soft, pure heart. He’s never witnessed—let alone dared to take part—in such a hardcore pornographic scene as this...

But here he is. And can’t deny that he’s rock fucking hard, as you can tell from one quick glance, out of the corner of your eye, at the massive bulge in his military pants. And you’ll be damned before you let that pretty boy pilot escape from this. He fucking can’t. You need two cocks in your two hands.

“Don’t pussy out on us like that,” Will masterfully commands, beckoning Becket toward the bed. “You know we’re all just Y/N’s guests; this is her universe. So we’re just... here to satisfy her thirsts.”

And then he grabs hold of your shoulders, to anchor himself as his thrusts in your ass become faster and bolder, which ends up pushing your head deeper down in Jax’s crotch. Slamming into you like it’s his job. And it’s too fucking much. Fucking you the fuck up.

But you don’t ever want it to stop.

Raleigh seems reluctant to abide by Will’s orders. But something compels him to do as the captain said—come toward the bed, like a good little soldier. “You guys are the worst...”

“No, far from that,” Arthur replies with a filthy laugh, as he keeps on splitting your wet pussy in half with his majestic staff. “This may look bad, but how it feels...? Fucking unreal. Quite honestly the fucking best.”

Oh God fuck yes...

You can sense Raleigh coming closer toward the bed with timid steps. Can feel his captivated blue gaze watch your body as it bounces on the mattress. You’ve lost track of who’s thrusting the hardest, the fastest. It’s all just a beautiful big fucking mess...

“Now let’s see if the fifth cock is as big as all the rest,” Jax playfully suggests. “See if this dirty little slut can take us all at once. Just like she wants. Let’s put our fucktoy to the test.”

“Fine, if you all insist,” the pilot yields at last. “But only ‘cause she wants it. Honest.”

“Just shut up and let her get her hands on it,” Raymond grunts, frustrated and impatient, until Raleigh finally gets in position.

And once it happens—once you wrap your fist around his rock hard cock, getting completely fucked, by five versions of Hunnam all at once... it’s even better than you had ever imagined.

You eagerly jerk both men off, all while the other three keep ravaging you good and hard and rough. You feel so full, in all your holes, and more, down to your deepest core. Your inner whore. This is exactly what you live for, what you love. And you won’t ever get enough.

By the time all five Hunnams are ready to soak you in their fucking cum—which happens at the same time for all of them, since apparently they’re somehow in unison, being all versions of the same person from different dimensions... by the time that happens, you’ve already lost count of your own orgasms.

This whole session, for your slutty ass, has just felt like one epic extended climax. Will and Arthur pounding into you in a perfect rhythm, from the front and the back, while you jack off Raleigh and Ray, all while gagging on Jax... you could do this all day every day. And there’s no other way for your body and soul to react.

You’re nothing but a fucktoy for five shades of Hunnam and that is a fact.

As the three sex gods buried balls deep in your holes fill them up so deliciously full, the other two drop their loads all over the cheeks of your ass and the curve of your back. And you’re having an absolute heart attack. How is a mere mortal bitch supposed to survive this...? Your brain is blown to bits. At this point it’s an actual struggle to even exist.

But you’re a shameless whore, just desperate for another hit. For fucking more. Of all the countless possibilities of five versions of Charlie in your three holes and two hands... all you want is to try literally every combination, and then once you’re done, just repeat them again and again and again.

It is literally raining men. Not just any men—five incarnations of your fucking sex god obsession. All five of them are living breathing perfection. Wrecking you till it hurts, till you burst, fulfilling all your thirst, in every way from every direction.

So maybe eventually you’ll have to send them back to their respective dimensions...

... But till then? You will sure as hell make the most of this mind-blowing multiverse blessing. Maybe if the sex keeps on being this epic they won’t even dream of leaving. Just won’t even...

And you’ll be more than happy to host them forever in this dimension. Can’t imagine any damn thing better than five incarnations of Charlie, right here fucking you in your bedroom. Because honestly, five shades of Hunnam... are five shades of heaven.

***************

Okayyyyy so I know this was FUCKING INSANE FILTHY SHIT but I hope there are some kinky bitches out there who enjoyed it! And would love to hear if you did!! 🤪

– Main Masterlist

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[florafey]

Malogranatum - 5

Falling Swift As Rain

Persephone gripped Nike’s hand tighter and tilted her head back to face the glittering sky, swaying gently to the music. She was not drunk but she was closest to it she had ever been. Nike, however, was certainly drunk after four hours of partying like it was her last night alive. Persephone had started to realize that all the deities partied like Nike- like they were running out of time. To her, it was a beautiful thing. Well, beautiful might not be an appropriate word, considering Dionysus had been serenading her and Nike for the past song or two as he stood on a statue base. Naked.

Persephone had been burning with embarrassment ever since Dio had started paying attention to her without his robes on but she couldn’t help admitting it was rather funny. And the attention wasn’t bad, she just wished Dio would put his clothes on. Nike was still laughing herself hoarse and beckoning Dio down, but Dio liked where he was. 

“Apollo, please, go tell him to get down before he kills Honey with embarrassment.” Nike managed to pull herself together long enough to grab ahold of Apollo as he was passing them. The god’s hands were full of food and drink he was taking to Athena and Aphrodite. He smirked at the two goddesses. 

“No can do, darlings. Get him down yourself.” He winked and disappeared. Persephone giggled and said, “Forget him, Nike. Where has Helios gone? I wanted to say hello.”

They had been at the party for close to four hours but Persephone still had not seen Helios. Nike had come once night had fallen to help Persephone sneak from her mother’s house and up to Zeus and Hera’s estate where the party was taking place, and Persephone was glad for her friend’s help. Between her racing heart and fear for waking her mother, Persephone probably would have been too nervous to actually sneak out if it weren’t for Nike’s cunning smile and soft steps showing her the way. 

Persephone was thankful she had come. The pale blue silk dress she wore was wet and grass stained, much like her pink one after her first party on Olympus, but she couldn’t have cared less. The wine was delicious, the food sublime, and the company of her friends irreplaceable. The goddesses had squealed and raced to her when she entered with Nike. Kisses and hugs were exchanged, Apollo and Dionysus being rather overeager with their kisses until Nike smacked them on the heads and Persephone fell away blushing. 

But for all the company she currently had, she still felt as though something was missing. Someone, more like. And he was. Persephone didn’t want to admit it because the night was everything she hadn’t dared to ask for, but she was slightly disappointed that Hades was not here. That wasn’t to say he wouldn’t eventually come. Parties such as these often lasted days but Persephone did not have that kind of time. 

A warm hand slid around her neck, draping across her shoulders. “Who is it you’re searching for, sugar?”

It was Hermes. He had been just as surprised as the rest of them to see Persephone in attendance, and he had laughed in pride when Persephone told him she had snuck out of her mother’s house. 

“Nobody. I’m just looking. Have you seen Helios?” Her answers were too quick. Hermes raised a brow but didn’t press the question. 

“He arrived about half an hour ago. The last I saw him, he was wrestling Ares. Poseidon was taking bets. Care to place?”

Persephone laughed. “No, I’ll settle for watching, thank you. Walk with me?” 

The three of them set off, Nike swaying slightly with drink. Dionysus was still singing atop his perch but his voice wasn’t bad and Persephone blew him a kiss as she passed. Dio fanned himself and pretended to faint. 

Helios and Ares were on a stretch of lawn by the pool. They were naked as well, but they had better reason to be than Dionysus. They were grappling with each other, muscles straining and sweat gleaming in the torchlight. Persephone’s eyes grew wide as she watched them. Nike had also gone still, eyes fixed on the gods. Hermes looked from the goddesses to the gods and back again. 

“You’ve never looked at me like that,” he complained. 

“You’ve never looked like that,” Nike nodded at Helios, who had just pinned Ares and was struggling to hold him down. Persephone hummed in agreement. Hermes scoffed and didn’t respond. 

Poseidon indeed was taking bets as the match was occurring, calling out moves and who was currency favored. It resembled what Persephone had heard of an Olympic wrestling match, but both participants were more than a little tipsy and it was taking place in a yard. Women were also forbidden to watch Olympic games as all the men competed naked, but it was clear that the goddesses were the target audience for this particular match. They sat in groups and pairs around the makeshift ring, giggling and shouting encouragement. Persephone smiled, then gasped and began to cheer Helios on when Ares slipped out of his hold. 

Hermes was still peeved at the attention they were paying to wrestling match so he left them to their devices and disappeared towards the pool. Nike tugged Persephone over to where Athena and Aphrodite were seated in the grass sharing a plate of food.

“What do you think of the entertainment, Persephone?” Athena winked. Persephone blushed furiously and stuck her tongue out at her friend. 

The goddesses sat through the first match and then the second when Apollo stepped in and wanted a turn against Ares. After winning both fights in a row, Ares was bold enough to challenge Janus, and the two-faced god accepted. Helios had found the girls after pulling his clothes back on, and Ares and Janus’ fight was so violent that Athena spent half of it with her face pressed against Helios’ arm. Persephone cried out with Nike when Janus’ fist crashed into Ares’ mouth and blood went spraying across both gods. 

“Are they insane?” Persephone whispered to Helios. 

“A little,” was the reply. “They’ve never gotten along so I assume this fight was a long time coming. Just be glad it isn’t Nike and Nemesis in that ring.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Helios,” Nike chastised. “That whoring bitch couldn’t draw my blood if you offered her half of Zeus’ estate. In fact, I’d give you half of Zeus’ estate if you could get her legs closed long enough to stand her upright.”

“She’s standing right over there, my dear,” Helios nodded to a spot across the lawn. “It seems you owe someone else half of Zeus’ estate. Shame. There’s so much I could have done with the place, too.” 

Nike’s platinum hair glittered as she turned to glare at Nemesis. The goddess of revenge was indeed standing across the lawn, her sleek black hair cut into a severe bob and dark lines of kohl winging out from the corners of her eyes in sharp points. Even at a distance Persephone could practically taste the tension in Nemesis’ eyes. Persephone’s gaze slid to see who Nemesis was conferring with and almost flinched when sparks flew down her spine. Hades’ arms were bare tonight much like the other gods, and Persephone ate up the sight of his swirling black tattoos curving over muscle. Nemesis was clearly appreciating the sight as well. She kept dragging her eyes over Hades and clearly expected him to take the hint but the god of the Underworld settled himself against a curved patio pillar and drank deeply from his wine. In his hair glittered a single silver ring holding back the longest parts in a neat clasp. His profile was backlit by the soft light of the lanterns and Persephone took in his features as though she was trying to memorize them. He was beautiful. Frightening, perhaps, but beautiful nonetheless. And how frightening could someone really be if they took time to name their hound? 

From besides her, Nike whistled low. “Look at him,” she said appreciatively. “I wonder what brought brother eldest out tonight.” She was looking at Hades as well. Athena and Aphrodite twisted to see. 

“Perhaps Nemesis did,” Aphrodite said. “Although I can’t imagine- oh, nevermind.”

Hades had just pushed off the pillar and strode away, leaving Nemesis in mid-sentence. Her jaw twisted in irritation but she made no move to go after him.

“Oh, Hades. Always the diplomat,” Athena sighed. “It’s a shame, really. I’ve had a few conversations with him and he’s really very kind.”

“Kind? Did I just hear you describe Hades as kind?” It was Hermes, back from wherever he had gone to sulk. Persephone scooted over so he could plop down in between her and Nike. “My dear Athena, the amount of times Hades has almost sicced his hound on me should be enough to tell you that kindness is not one of his virtues.”

“Were you in his domain?” Athena asked.

“Well, yes, but-”

“Were you pestering him?” 

“Yes, but-

“Were you making demands to him on behalf of Zeus?”

Hermes was silent. Persephone laughed and had to duck Hermes’ swat in her direction.

“I’ve always found him to be one of the more sensible gods,” Helios added. “It gets exhausting watching them all run around desperately trying to right their wrongs and avoid the consequences of their own actions.”

“And Hades doesn’t?” Nike wanted to know.

“Hades doesn’t fuck other gods’ wives. That makes him more sensible than nearly everyone at this party.”

“Speaking of sensibility,” Hermes rose to his feet and plucked a grape out of Athena’s hand, “I must go speak to the god himself. Since dear Athena reminded me so kindly of my duties.”

“You cannot be serious,” Helios said. “Zeus does not have you working tonight. How can he? If it's business he wants to discuss with his brother, he can do it his damn self- he’s across the lawn from him.”

Nike whistled low. “Let me know when you decide to tell Zeus that. I want a front row seat to that shitshow.”

“As much as I appreciate the defense in my honor, dear Helios, I’m afraid I’m in no position to protest against my God King. So I shall embark on this odyssey of violence and treachery only to barely make it out alive thanks to the fact that a certain demon hound is absent.”

Hermes turned to leave. Aphrodite rolled her eyes and asked, “How much have you had to drink?”

“How much of what?” Was the answer. Aphrodite grimaced. “This isn’t going to go well.”

“What can Hermes possibly need with Hades right now?” Persephone asked as they watched Hermes pick his way across the grass. 

“I can’t imagine. But then again, Zeus has his own ways of dealing with business. I feel bad for Hermes. I’m inclined to think he and Hades would otherwise get along if it weren’t for Zeus forcing him to deal with Hades on his behalf.”

“But I’ve seen Zeus and Hades speak before. Surely there can’t be that much bad blood?”

“Oh, I don’t believe it’s bad blood, per se. It’s more like,” Aphrodite paused and looked at Helios for help. Helios tilted his head, considering, and said, “It’s more like Zeus tries to treat Hades’ domain as his own, and Hades doesn’t allow him to. Zeus doesn’t do very well if he’s told he can’t do something, but there isn’t technically anything he can do to make his brother submit to his wishes.”

“I see,” Persephone said. “And...you know all this...how?”

Helios winked. “I’m the god of the sun, my dear girl. I ride a chariot across the sky every morning and night, and I see everything the sun sees.”

“Does the sun shine in the Underworld?” Nike asked. 

Persephone caught herself before the answer slipped out, remembering just in time that she wasn’t supposed to know anything about the Underworld or its master. 

“It does, faintly. There was a long time where I wasn’t allowed to bring the sun to the Underworld but quite a long while ago Hades had a change of heart. I suppose everyone needs her now and again. She is a wonderful companion.”

Persephone wondered at Helios’ words as the conversation drifted elsewhere. They tried to keep track of Hermes but the god was quickly swallowed up among other revelers and distractions. They also looked up after nearly half an hour to find that Hades was not standing where he had been the last time they saw him. With no way to find their friend or the subject of his foolish mission, they decided to wait a while longer before starting a search. 

Another half hour drifted by before the food was gone. Aphrodite pouted to Helios that she was still hungry and became affronted when he suggested she get more herself. Persephone desired to stretch her legs and thus was more than happy to offer to fetch Aphrodite some food. A small rebellious piece of Persephone’s mind knew, however, that she was simply bored and wanted to risk running into some excitement. 

As she wound her way closer to the palace doors, Persephone found that she was extremely comfortable in the presence of the other deities. If this had been her first night on Olympus, she wouldn’t have dared leave Athena or Aphrodite, and she certainly wouldn’t have been wandering off looking for Hades. But here she was. 

She was only halfway to the palace when she spotted Hermes. He was indeed with Hades and, not at all to Persephone’s surprise, the conversation did not seem to be going well. Hades was frowning down at Hermes as he chattered away, gesturing with his hands about something clearly important. Hades appeared thoroughly unimpressed. Persephone watched as the god of the Underworld straddled the line between irritation and anger, and wondered if she had time to turn back and get Helios before things went truly south. But when Hades snapped something vicious at Hermes, his dark eyes flashing with violence, she decided there was no time. 

She backtracked from her path towards the palace, edging closer to her friend and cursing him the entire way. Her heart pounded painfully against her ribcage; Hades looked so angry, was it wise to interrupt them? But Persephone did not feel good leaving Hermes on his own, despite how he got himself into the situation just fine, so she continued on and told her foolish heart to be still. 

Her foolish heart was still fluttering when she approached the pair. Hades noticed her first over Hermes’ shoulder. His expression cleared ever so slightly but the anger didn’t fade, especially as Hermes said, “This isn’t coming from me, Hades, it’s coming from Zeus.”

Hades turned his attention back to the unfortunate Hermes and growled, “Then tell my brother to speak to me himself. I will not have his messenger scurrying back and forth between us like a frightened dog. If Zeus finds it beyond himself to look me in my eye, he must not need his business done.”

Persephone closed in on Hermes before he could reply, and she called out to him to prevent him from saying something foolish. He turned, his face lighting up when he saw her. He was still inebriated and it was clear Hades knew this as well. 

“Persephone! What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you. What are you doing...here?” She tactfully smiled at Hades, whose eyes hadn’t left her form and was currently drinking deeply from his goblet of wine. “You said you would only be gone a moment.”

“I did?”

“Yes. An hour ago.” She gave him a meaningful look, hoping to convey to him how important it was for him to get out of range from Hades, without making it obvious to Hades what she was doing. She didn’t think she was succeeding. 

“I’m finishing up some business with Hades, I’ll- have you met him? Let me introduce you!” 

Before she could say anything, Hermes was giving Persephone’s hand to Hades and making formal introductions. Any sign of anger was now gone from Hades’ expression, much to Persephone’s relief. His hand was warm as his fingers closed over her own. He brought her hand up to brush his lips against her knuckles, bowing respectfully to her. Persephone could barely keep her balance as she dipped into a shallow curtsey. A flood of heat tingled down her limbs when she felt how soft Hades’ lips were against her hand. When he finally released her, the tips of her fingers were trembling and a visible blush had bloomed across her cheeks and nose. 

“It’s an honor to meet you, my lord,” Persephone managed. “I apologize if my friend has been inconveniencing you.”

“Do not assume yourself deserving of my anger, my lady. It is not who I wish to strangle.”

Hermes choked on his wine behind Persephone. She barely hid her smile as she said, “I understand Hermes has worn out his welcome.”

“Only slightly.” 

Hermes made a sound of protest. “Why do I feel like I’m being turned against? Persephone, you were supposed to swoop in and rescue me with your beautiful dress and shining hair, not blush at my foe.”

Persephone’s blush only worsened at Hermes’ drunk words, and she was even more appalled when Hades chuckled into his wine. She glared at her friend.

“I have half a mind to leave you here to get the beating you had coming to you.”

“I do have business to finish, thank you for reminding me. Hades-”

“No.” The irritation was back. 

“You haven’t-”

“No.”

Hermes sighed and regarded Hades like he was a stubborn child refusing to eat dinner. But Hades was not a child, he was one of the oldest and most powerful gods alive, and he was currently looking back at Hermes like he wanted nothing more than to drown him in the nearby pool. 

“This is a party, Hermes, surely anything you need to discuss can wait until later?”

“Listen to your pretty friend, Hermes. She has an endearing voice, does she not?”

Persephone needed to get away from Hades if she wanted to prevent swooning. She dared a glance over her shoulder at him and was met with his dark gaze. 

“I’m trying to help,” she whispered to him.

“You’re doing marvelous. Carry on.”

Hermes leaned around Persephone and said, “Hades, if you’d only consider-”

Hades rolled his eyes, clearly ready for Hermes to be gone. “I’ll give you my consideration if you give me a single thing.”

“Which is?”

Hades held out his hand, palm up. Hermes looked at it for a while before glancing down at his own hand holding Persephone’s. Slowly, hesitantly, Hermes placed Persephone’s hand in Hades waiting palm. Hades took it and said, “I’ll consider. Next time I hear this discussion will be from my brother himself or no one at all. Is that understood?”

Hermes nodded. “Perfectly, my lord.” He turned his attention to Persephone and asked, “Will you be alright, my love?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? I’m not Zeus’ messenger.”

Hermes feigned injury at her words but winked at her before he turned and left the two alone. Persephone became suddenly very aware of her hand enclosed within Hades’. He dropped it, however, to pass his cup of wine into her hand. He deftly picked another goblet up off the tray of a passing nymph who smiled flirtatiously on her way past. 

“I’m sorry about Hermes-”

“I told you not to apologize for him. He makes his own decisions.” The scolding was light and lacked edge. Persephone swirled her wine in an attempt to settle her nerves. 

“That was a skillful rescue, I must compliment you,” Hades said. Persephone frowned lightly. “What do you mean?”

“You hadn’t been looking for him.”

“I...he...had been gone for too long and we knew he wished to discuss business with you and so I came looking.”

Hades smiled slowly, like a cat. “No,” he whispered. “You didn’t.”

Persephone felt trapped but she didn’t want to back down. “I beg you to explain yourself, my lord. I fear you have confused me.”

“You would have me believe you left your friends to seek out Hermes alone.”

“Yes. I found him with you, not to any surprise. He did tell us he needed to speak with you.”

“You were going into the palace, not to Hermes.”

Persephone fell silent. How..? He had been watching her. That was the only answer. He had seen her leave Athena and Aphrodite; it had been clear she wasn’t searching for Hermes because she hadn’t been.

She recovered the best she could, but there was very little to save. She fixed Hades with a gentle glare. “Are you accusing me of something, my lord?”

“Only being more interesting than I initially gave you credit for.” “What does that mean?”

“Must you have everything explained?”

“Must you insist on talking in ambiguous circles?”

“Only as much as you continue to look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Persephone breathed. The words were out of her mouth before she realized she had asked for an explanation yet again. But her heart was beating in her throat now, and she didn’t know how she had managed to remain upright thus far. She didn’t know where her boldness was coming from, how she was able to exchange banter with Hades and not stutter an apology for intruding upon his night, as her mother would have surely insisted she do if Demeter had been present. 

Hades tilted his head down, a few precious inches closer to Persephone. His gaze was as smooth as silk, at least for the time being. 

“Like you came here for something.”

Persephone’s instinct was to deny his statement, but she found herself guilty as charged. She had stood up with the intention of finding Hades, had she not? She had left her friends with the desire to run into trouble, had she not? But she couldn’t very well tell Hades that. And it seemed like he already knew, anyways. She twisted on the spot, not knowing how to respond appropriately. But Hades didn’t press her. He leaned away, taking with him the faint scent of cold air and night sky, and took a sip of his wine. 

“I’m surprised to see you without dear Demeter.”

Persephone smiled wryly. “You aren’t the first to tell me that tonight.”

“May I ask?”

“Can you keep a secret?”

“Do I look like I can’t?”

Persephone’s smile widened with genuinity. “Can you ever answer a question?”

He graced her with a rare smile, the likes of which she had received once before, many nights ago as she teased him from a distance. “Yes, goddess, I can keep a secret.”

“She doesn’t know I’m here. I came by myself because I wanted to come and enjoy the party without her hovering over my shoulder. So here I am.”

Hades looked mildly impressed. “A novel feat, I’m sure.”

“Yes. It is. I’m not sure why it took me so long.”

“I can think of a few reasons.”

Persephone blinked in surprise. “You can?”

Hades looked at her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Love is always binding, even if it's poisoned.” 

Persephone was rendered speechless yet again. “Oh,” she whispered. “Yes, I...I suppose it is.”

After a stretch of pensive silence, Hades chuckled deeply. “How Demeter would rage if she found you here.”

It made Persephone smile a little. “Perhaps she would act rationally. I have been to Olymuos before, after all.”

“I meant here within an arm’s reach of me. But yes, perhaps.”

Persephone looked inquisitively up at the god of the Underworld and couldn’t help but ask, “Does my mother not like you?”

The question didn’t seem to offend. Hades’ mouth twitched at the corners, and that was response enough, but he said, “Demeter and I fail to see eye to eye on many things. She’s a headstrong goddess, for better or for worse.”

It was the politest way of insulting someone’s mother that Persephone had ever heard. She was becoming impressed by Hades’ inexhaustible couth. She took another sip of wine, savoring the warmth as it slipped down her throat. “For better or for worse.”

“May I ask?” 

“I suppose you can, my lord.”

“Hades.”

Persephone paused. “I’m sorry?”

A smile. “My name, precious. I prefer people use it.”

Persephone had only just recovered from Hades’ taunts about her motivation in interrupting him and Hermes, and now between the pet name and the permission to use his name, Persephone was right back to square one. Pounding heart and sweaty palms. 

“Right. As you wish, Hades. Ask away.” 

“Do you enjoy living in the mortal realm?”

“Oh, yes, I do. It’s beautiful and my mother takes very good care of what’s in her control; the mortals love her.”

“It sounds innocent.”

Before she could think about what she was saying, Persephone said, “What do you know of innocence?”

She savored the brief look of surprise that crossed Hades’ face, but it was almost instantly chased away by amusement and the spark of an accepted challenge.

“Little indeed, flower. Tread softly over this ice.” His voice had changed. It was softer now, lined with something smooth that Persephone couldn’t quite place. But she was having trouble focusing much on anything except the god in front of her. 

Persephone twirled innocently on the spot. “As you wish, my lord.”

His fingers were warm when they took ahold of her chin. He tilted her face up in a firm yet gentle grasp to make her look him in the eye.

“Try that again,” he said softly.

“Try what again?” She liked the way his hand fit around her jaw and didn’t want him to let go. 

“Don’t play dumb, Persephone.”

It was the sound of her name that pushed her to compliance. Coming from him, it was the sweetest thing she had ever heard. She smiled shyly.

“As you wish, Hades.”

He had gotten what he wanted, but he was slow to let go of her. He tapped his thumb against her cheek before finally dropping his hand.

“Forgive my manners. I forgot to thank you for the daisy.”

It was surprising enough to startle a laugh out of Persephone. She was glad Cerberus had known to whom to go after her visit with him.

“You’re very welcome. Will you tell Cerberus hello for me?”

“I will. But you can always tell him yourself.”

Persephone laughed and felt the warmth of a blush spreading across her cheeks yet again. If she had known she was going to have this much enjoyment away from her mother, she would have dared to sneak away years ago.

#malgranatum #hades and persephone #Persephone #Hades #Greek Mythology #greek gods #greek goddesses

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The Scotsman and the Mystery of El Bosque Del Fauno, Chapter Eight

The end (or is it?) of Alasdair’s Adventures behind the jump...

The world flickered back into view, and Alasdair found himself stripped bare and strapped to a table, unable to move. For a moment, he thought he was paralyzed, perhaps to witness his own dissection while still living, and despaired; soon, the medicine fog began to clear, and he realized he was simply bound too tightly to move more than his eyes and mouth. He was, unfortunately, still naked. 

“You’re finally awake,” said the Guardian, looming over him. “Good. I was worried XJ had gone overboard with the tranquilizers. We didn’t expect you to put up such a fight.”

“Not you again!” Alasdair grumbled. “If you mean to kill me, do it now. I’m not going back to that cell.”

“What a drama queen! I can’t just kill you, you know,” the Guardian said, looking annoyed. “You still have a role to play in the timestream. Well, multiple roles. Which is why you’re here, anyways.”

The Guardian gestured, and a globe emerged. “You’ve seen a globe before, right?”

“I’m not so unlearned I think the world is flat. I’ve sailed--”

“Sure you have! Anyways.” A few more flicks of the being’s hands, and Alasdair eventually realized what he was looking at.

“Holland? Why are you showing me Holland?”

“That’s where our next bubble is headed. So, the Dutch Republic, circa 1608, give or take a few weeks and the change from Gregorian to Julian and maybe a couple of hundred miles in any direction, up, down, or sideways. Do you know anything about that time?”

Alasdair wondered, not for the last time, if he really had died and gone to hell. “War with England, sometimes. War with Spain, more frequently. Pirates in the North Sea. There was some business with tulips and buying on credit. Lots of people roaming about with neckerchiefs starched out like millstones. Rembrandt, of course, and Vermeer. There were some English garrison towns...”

“Groundbreaking. What did you do, read Lonely Planet the night before the test? Well, there goes Bee getting any help with that term paper.” The being gestured again, frowning, and now three portraits hovered between them. They were all of himself, although the dour faces and severe mustaches--now he knew he’d look right awful with a mustache--made him wonder if the Guardian hadn’t gone digging in the McCarric vault.

“You have to choose a new life. So, you’re either of these three pillars of society.”

“Do I have to have a mustache?” Alasdair asked.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” the Guardian said. “Yes, you can stay clean-shaven if you’re so horrified by growing a mustache.”

“Do I get to know anything about what I’m getting into?” Alasdair snapped. “I’m not just choosing a new life based on how least poorly-groomed my face would be, am I?”

“I have to explain everything for you, ugh!” The being said. “Next time, I’m picking for you.” 

“Next time?!” Alasdair cried. “Oh, ye gods and little fishes, preserve me from ever seeing you again!”

“Ń̶͓̟̤̞̉̽̔ę̵̡̼̮̣̯̜͆̒̇̒̀̒͒͜v̵̭̮̳̝̗̩͐̋̍͆̊̑̔͗͗͝ͅe̷̢̢̝͖̞̟͐̌̑͊͋͛̆̀͝r̸̘̗̭̲̃͊̂̽̀̐͘̚͘͝ ̵̧̮̫̯̙͖̂͋̓̊̾̚m̵̡̬͈͎̀͛̈́͝͝i̶̧̳̮̦̩̹̘̼͊́̽̎͠͝ͅṅ̴̰̪̘͚̩̬̝̮̋̀͌̃͌̓̅̽͘ḏ̷̡̲̟̳̜̙͛̌̂̕͠ ̴̢̩̗̻͎͈̥̆̓̋̌̓͋́͐͘͘ͅţ̴̜̓̒̏͊͌ḧ̴̨̗̻͍̭̔̌̇́͘͜͠à̷̹̼̞͍̪̻̞͖̣͗́t̴͇̳̞͈̭͇̙̀̑̃̎̿͠!̴̢̲̹͍̫̘̎̓̐̀̉̊̈́” A pointer, as if the Guardian were a schoolteacher explaining a lesson, also materialized from nowhere. 

“This is William Beaton,” the being said, pointing to the man on the left with a black feathered hat. “He’s an apothecary in Flushing. Unmarried, no children--yet--” 

“I can’t be an apothecary,” Alasdair pointed out. “I don’t know anything about medicine. And I don’t speak Dutch! I’m not about to send myself hurtling into the past to poison someone and be burnt at the stake!”

“We’ll teach you everything you need to know.” Somehow, Alasdair was not convinced.

“I don’t think I want to be an apothecary. Who are the other two?”

“This is Red Finbarr of Barra, a privateer--”

“Absolutely not! I’m not ending up in a gibbet!”

“Why are you so picky? Do you know how excited some people would be to become a pirate?”

“Also, my uncle--my father’s family has relatives in the Caribbean,” Alasdair said. “Surely someone as knowledgeable as you--”

“You’re not even biologically related to most of them! And Finbarr was never known to go deeper into the Atlantic than the Faroes--”

“What’s all this past tense and ‘he was known to’? Are these real people I’m replacing?”

“Not really? I mean, they’re more...aggregates. It’s not really identity theft, or anything.”

Alasdair had a horrifying image of someone stealing his life, some hapless outsider (the bewildered apothecary, or worse, a corsair--heaven only knew what the third person would be)  beguiled by the Guardian into living out the rest of his days. A surge of anger flashed through him--that was his family, however distant, his commission, his friends, his horse, his books--at least he didn’t have a wife or a sweetheart, to also yield to this imagined impostor. (And, of course, he wasn’t really the type to give someone horns, even in the hypothetical; the thought of some burgher’s wife thinking he really was her Jan or Pieter, dandling someone else’s children on his knee while they had no idea who he really was, made him faintly nauseous.) “I’m not stealing someone’s life! That’s horrid!” 

“Fine, Mr. Picky. You don’t want to stay in the Nexus, and then it’s too immoral to go back into reality... Here’s door number three--if you don’t choose one of these, I’m turning you into a goat. A sentient goat.”

“Or you could just kill me. I think it’d be easier,” Alasdair said. 

“No. Killing’s too good for you.” The being stabbed the pointer rather viciously this time. “Alexander Cummings, a saffron merchant living in Campvere.”

“That’s a tulip he’s holding, not a saffron.” Alasdair thought for a moment. “Why are you so insistent on these three...guises? Are they going to replace me?”

“No, they all turned up their noses at your life, too,” the Guardian said, rather nastily. “Every person has their own...significance in the time stream.”

“So you want me to muck things up even further, then.”

“I have a few people in the region who also went through the Nexus. I want you to keep an eye on them.”

Alasdair had a mental image of some of the nastier members of his father’s crew...and his mother’s less scrupulous protectors. He did not much care for the idea of being an enforcer for the Guardian’s schemes. (Perhaps, though, a saffron merchant would have less chances for skulduggery than a corsair or an apothecary? Surely this Alexander Cummings wasn’t the type who personally went to the Ottomans to find his goods, or squabbled with Venetians in squalid back rooms!) “And what’s in it for me, if I’m your enforcer?”

“You’re not sent back to the Stone Age or turned into a goat? Isn’t that enough of a benefit for you?”

“I suppose. But I still don’t speak Dutch, and my hair’s awful short compared to his.”

“We have some time until the rift opens.” The Guardian snapped their fingers, and another group of mechanicals emerged. One had a tailor’s ham in its hands and pins in its mouth; another had a precarious tower of books; a third had a pair of scissors and a curious-looking bottle.

“Meanwhile, you’re going to be getting a bit more...hah...out of date.”

Alasdair was soon dragged off into a room with an array of strange devices throughout. He was pushed onto a platform, and then the harrying began. “Arm out, please,” said one mechanical, who then began measuring him for a new suit of clothes.

“The muttonchops have to go,” said the other, tilting his face its way, and Alasdair flinched at the advancing scissors.

“But they make me look dashing!” he protested, to no avail.

“Compiling trade route statistics,” said the third, its jointed fingers and stalk-like eye breezing through the stack of books with a dizzying speed Alasdair envied. “...Bingely-bing! Personality programming complete.”

“Personality what? I’m fine the way I am, thank you!”

“The hair needs to grow at least five inches at the sides...and he needs a goatee...”

“Och, no.”

“Green wool doublet and cannions, perhaps a nice mulberry sleeve in velvet…”

“No! No velvet! It’s too hot for velvet--”

“Enabling time dilation…”

His hair and facial hair grew at an alarming rate; the mechanical with the tailor’s ham whizzed about him, poking and prodding, until suddenly he was encased in a costume that itched and made him long for a good pair of trousers and a shirt. His hair and beard, even his eyebrows and nails, were trimmed as if he were a topiary in a garden. His mind was overwhelmed by new knowledge, facts and grammatical clauses and memories that he knew weren’t his and had never happened to him crammed into his skull until he felt he was going insane. Perhaps he had.

“Time dilation complete.”

Blinking, he looked at the mechanicals surrounding him, his reflection in the glass. That was, indeed, his reflection, he realized with mounting horror. 

“What have ye done to me?” he cried, looking at himself. His hair was slicked back and curled under at the ends, grazing the starched millstone ruff he was wearing; he had a mustache and goatee that made him look a pompous fool; he was, indeed, clad in green wool and mulberry velvet. “I look awful!” (Well, his calves looked excellent, but calves did not a man’s appearance make.)

“Stop whining!” said the Guardian, who had come into the room when he was unaware, or perhaps while he was contemplating the disastrous...thing on his upper lip. While some of his men had grown them, falling into the French idea that it was dashing and that their waxed mustaches were simply teeming with masculine derring-do, he had always thought they looked rather foolish. “You look nice in green, at least.”

“But I--”

“It’s time to go, you wouldn’t want to be late to your future, now would you?” The Guardian seized hold of him by the shoulders, clawed hands gripping his thrice-damned velvet sleeves so tightly he thought he might actually be mauled.

With that, he was once more shoved through a dizzying array of corridors until he was brought into a room that resembled something like a canal lock, only there was no water. “Suppose this is a canal lock, and not just another strange little room. Suppose they unleash the canal the instant I let my guard drop. I’d be drowned like a rat,” he thought to himself. “I suppose drowning is better than whatever was meant to happen to me in the woods, but what a choice.”

“Must you be so melodramatic?” The Guardian said, stepping behind a partition. “All this frowning and sighing and raising your voice. I can’t wait until you’re inflicting this Lord Byron nonsense on someone else.”

“Wh--how dare you, sir!” Alasdair spluttered. “I’ll have you know--”

Before he could make his reply--certain to have more than a few oaths and imprecations--a bright light flashed; he felt himself pulled once more by an unseen force, forward and back and side to side... 

Credits

Now and forever, thanks to all of you who read this and left such nice comments! 

Of course, my eternal thanks and gratitude to @danjaley, who was so gracious as to allow Alasdair and Daniel into the McCarric(k) clan, and for creating an excellent stable of poses; @moocha-muses, for letting me borrow Dan O’Doyle; @rennylurant​ for costuming advice and squealing over renaissance fashions/advice; @studiok2sims, for even more excellent poses and advice; @tolkiensimmer​ for advice on lighting and costuming; and @treason-and-plot for helping me get “unstuck” on several occasions and finding certain things I needed for the sequel. Why yes, Virginia, there is a sequel. It’s my NANOWRIMO PROJECT. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Happy Halloween!!!!!

#sim: Alasdair McCarrick #sims story the scotsman #sims 3 story #sims 3 futuristic #sims 3 renaissance

[swanqueeneverafter]

After The Sunset, Pt.24

Enchanted Forest. Past. Rumplestiltskin's Carriage. (Rumplestilskin and Belle are travelling to find the thief.) Rumplestilskin: “I'm losing track of him. This forest is too thick.” Belle: “Maybe we should return home.” Rumplestilskin: “What, and let the thief escape? What would people think if I spared the life of someone who stole from me?” Belle: “That there's actually a man hiding behind the beast?” Rumplestilskin: “There isn't.” Belle: “Then why didn't you kill me when I freed the prisoner?” Rumplestilskin: “Well, I would have. But good help these days is really very hard to find.” Belle: “I think that you are not as dark as you want people to believe. I think that deep down, there's love in your heart. And for something more than power.” Rumplestilskin: “You're right. There is something I love. (Belle leans in, intrigued:) My things!” (Rumplestilskin halts the carriage.) Belle: “You really are as dark as people say.” Rumplestilskin: “Darker, dearie. Much darker.” Man: “Whoa.” (Rumplestilskin and Belle exit the carriage.) Sheriff of Nottingham: (Dismounts his horse:) “Uhh! (Sniffs:) What are you doing in my woods?” Rumplestilskin: “Pardon the intrusion, sheriff. Uh, I'm looking for a thief. He attacked me with this bow. I-I traced him as far as these woods, and then he vanished.” Sheriff of Nottingham: “Yes, I know exactly who you're after. But I also know who you are, Rumplestiltskin.” Rumplestilskin: “My reputation precedes me. Excellent.” Sheriff of Nottingham: “Yes, as does your penchant for making deals. I'll tell you where you can find your thief... if you give me something in return.” Rumplestilskin: “What do you want?” Sheriff of Nottingham: (Points to Belle:) “A night with your wench.” Rumplestilskin: (Glances at Belle then back to the Sheriff:) “She's not for sale.” Sheriff of Nottingham: (Laughs:) “You can't part with her for, say, an hour? Twenty minutes?” Rumplestilskin: “Let me think. Um... (Conjures the Sheriff's tongue out of his mouth, and into his hand. Giggles:) I propose a new deal. I give you this back, and in return, you tell me everything you know about the man I am hunting. (Sheriff gagging:) You ought to be more careful with your possessions. Do you agree to my terms? (Continues gagging:) What was that? (Grunts:) All right, I'll take that as a ‘yes’ then.” Sheriff of Nottingham: (Rumplestiltskin returns his tongue:) “Aah! Aah!” Rumplestilskin: “Start talking.” Sheriff of Nottingham: “The thief that you're after—I've been chasing him for years. He ruined me! He stole the woman I love and... made me the laughingstock of all of Nottingham.” Rumplestilskin: “Where can I find him?” Sheriff of Nottingham: “Well, the last I heard, he was hiding out in Sherwood Forest.” Rumplestilskin: “And his name?” Sheriff of Nottingham: “Robin Hood. He goes by ‘Robin Hood.’”

DunBroch. Woods. Recent Past. (Having attempted to subdue the creature herself, Merida finds herself captured by the Fury and being carried through the sky in its grasp. The Swan-Mills' and Charmings are in hot pursuit.) David: “This way!” Snow White: “There it is!” (The Fury shrieks, carrying Merida into the distance. Both Emma and Regina use their magic to disappear and reappear beside the creature. As Emma reaches up and pulls Merida from the Fury’s clutches, Regina conjures a fireball into her hand.) Regina: “You're not taking her anywhere. (She hurls the fireball and misses, allowing the Fury to knock Regina against a tree. Groaning, gets to her feet:) So, you want to do this the hard way? Good, because I love the hard way.” (Regina conjures another fireball but the creature screams and charges Regina again, knocking her to the forest floor.) Emma: (Stepping forward:) “Hey! (She sends a pulse of her light magic at the creature, glancing it with a blow to the shoulder:) Really? (The Fury knocks Emma to the floor as the Charmings finally catch them up. Returning to its intended target, the Fury begins sucking Merida’s life force from her. Emma stands, defiantly:) No! Stop! If you want a life, take mine!” (Enraged, the Fury shrieks and begins using its powers on Emma.) Regina: (Yelling:) “Emma, what are you doing?” Emma: “Being the Savior!” Regina: (Running to her:) “I’m not letting you do this alone. I’m with you!” (Regina grabs Emma’s hand and holds on tightly, the Fury’s powers now split between the pair of them.) Snow White: (Taking Regina’s hand:) “Me, too!” David: (Grabbing Emma’s hand:) “I've got you!” (Splitting its powers over the four of them, the strain soon becomes too much and the Fury shrieks as it explodes. While they all try and catch their breaths, David moves over to a now conscious Merida and helps her into a sitting position.) Merida: "Y-you saved me?" Emma: (Breathing heavy:) "Yeah, but don't worry. It'll be our little secret." Merida: "Thank you. Thank all of you." (Emma nods and begins to walk away as David helps the queen to her feet.) Snow White: (Checking on Regina:) "Are you all right?" Regina: (Looking down at her ripped, muddied clothing:) "I'm alive, if that's what you mean. (When Snow tries to help her up:) No, no thank you, I'm fine. Why don't you help David take the queen back to her people?" Snow White: "Are you sure you're okay?" Regina: (Nods:) "Nothing a shower won't fix. Go on." (Walking over to her husband, Snow puts one of Merida's arms over her shoulders and nods to Regina, who transports them back to the castle.) Regina: (Looking around, confused:) "Emma? Emma are you hurt?" Emma: (Stepping out from behind a tree:) "Couldn't be better." Regina: (Turns, then laughs when she sees Emma's outfit:) "Come on, Braveheart. Let's get back to the castle, my clothes are a mess." Emma: (Drawing her sword:) "I can help you with that." Regina: (Chuckles:) "Oh I'm sure you can. (Just as Regina turns away, she suddenly finds herself with her back against a tree, bound by ropes at her wrists and waist:) What the- (Sees the evil glint in her wife's eyes:) What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Emma: (Slowly using the blade of her sword to slice off Regina's blouse buttons:) "Giving Merida time to enjoy her victory without us stealing her spotlight." Regina: (As, with a flick of her wrist, Emma cuts open her bra:) "You're insane. Untie me, right now." Emma: (Smiles, moving the blade inside and down the length of one pant leg:) "Shh. Hands tied or not, you're perfectly capable of freeing yourself." Regina: (Her resolve crumbling:) "Your parents could come back here any minute." Emma: "I don't think that's likely. (Gives one quick tug, slicing the pant leg and Regina's underwear from her body:) Do you?" Regina: (Shaking her head, smiling at her predicament:) "You know, I think Merida was right about you after all." Emma: (Tugging away the last remnants of Regina's pants and underwear:) "Is that so?" Regina: (Shudders at Emma's evil grin:) "Mmhmm." Emma: (Slowly sinking to her knees before her wife:) "Well, (Hooking Regina's left leg over her shoulder:) I think you're gonna enjoy... (Followed by the right:) being consumed by the darkness." Regina: (Her voice thick with desire:) "Emma..." Emma: "And the best part? Out here, no one can hear you scream." (With one last smirk, Emma lowers her mouth, causing Regina to test her wife's theory almost immediately.)

The Land Without Magic. Present. Flight 1612. (Inside the cramped airplane bathroom, Emma pulls her top back over her head.) Emma: "You know, (Flicking her hair out from beneath her shirt:) we don't have to be naked every time we have sex." Regina: (Chuckles, straightening her skirt:) "I thought you said the key to joining the mile high club was for it to be quick. I won't apologise for the fact that my wife's body in all her naked glory is my biggest turn on." Emma: (Smirks:) "Yeah, well I don't think me being perched on a sink with my ankles on your shoulders is something we need to try again." Regina: "Hm, but you did look glorious." Emma: (Winces as she notices Regina shift uncomfortably:) "Sorry about the scratches, I didn't mean-" Regina: "It's fine, I've had worse." Emma: "Oh yeah? From Maleficent?" Regina: (Chuckles:) "No, you idiot, from you. Remember when I came to your office on your birthday?" Emma: (Closing her eyes at the memory:) "You were wearing that lace teddy." Regina: "Mmhmm and then David walked in?" Emma: (Laughs:) "You disappeared under my desk so fast." Regina: "Then when you couldn't get rid of him, I made something else disappear." Emma: "Yeah, namely my jeans and underwear." Regina: "Well I had to do something to occupy my time while you two droned on about traffic violations." Emma: "You made sure that wasn't the only thing getting violated." Regina: (Laughs loudly:) "You almost scalped me!" Emma: "I was trying not to orgasm in front of my father! (Regina laughs again and Emma joins her:) Well at least on this vacation we won't have to worry about people walking in on us." Flight Attendant: (Knocking on door:) "Is everything all right in there?" (Both women quickly put a hand over the other's mouth and fall silent.) Emma: (Peeling Regina's hand away, innocently:) "I'll be out in a minute!" (When they hear the flight attendant move away, Regina and Emma look to each other before laughing uncontrollably once more.) Enchanted Forest. Past. Bo Peep's Manor. (Bo Peep admires Anna’s necklace in a mirror while David stands before her.) Bo Peep: “High noon. Right on time. I hope you got my money.” David: “Sorry.” Bo Peep: “You're not actually considering fighting? You know you can't win. Boys.” (David fights against the two men and quickly wins. Bo Peep takes a sword.) Bo Peep: “Guess mama's got to get her hands dirty now. (Bo Peep and David fight:) See? Told you you can't win.”

David: “Actually... (Rolling out of the way of her sword, manages to get behind her, holding his own sword to her throat:) Maybe I can. (Ripping the necklace from around her neck:) Where is Joan?” Bo Peep: “I don't owe you any answers.” (Ties Bo Peep to a pillar then glances down at the crook.) David: “Then I'll find her myself. You're gonna help me whether you'd like to or not.” (David picks up the crook and thinks of Anna as he peers into it. Seeing the image of Bo Peep’s coat of arms, he throws down the crook and runs to the barn.) Enchanted Forest. Past. (Rumplestilskin and Belle continue travelling to find the thief, now on foot.) Belle: “You, uh, you know it's still not too late to... to turn back. I am not going to stand by and watch you kill a man.” Rumplestilskin: “Well, you're welcome to sit if you like, but you are gonna watch. That's the whole point of our little expedition, remember? To see what your actions wrought. (Rumplestiltskin can see the thief from afar:) Found him.” Belle: “Look, he's... he's waiting for someone. (A carriage comes bearing a sick woman:) That woman.”

Rumplestilskin: “That must be the one he stole from the sheriff.” Belle: “She's sick. She's going to die.” Rumplestilskin: “Yeah, and so is he.” Belle: “Stop! (The thief uses the wand to heal the sick woman:) I'm right about him, about why he stole the wand. He did it so he could heal the woman he loves.” Rumplestilskin: “He's still a thief.” Belle: “And she would have died if he hadn't stolen your wand.” Rumplestilskin: “And now he gets to die! And she can tell all of Sherwood Forest what happens when you cross Rumplestiltskin. There! (Magically places the lower half of Belle’s body into the soil:) That should give you a good view.” Belle: “You don't have to do this. There's good in you. I was right about the thief, and I am right about you. (Watches as the woman stands:) Look, she's pregnant. You are not the kind of man to leave a child fatherless. (Exhales:) No!” (Rumplestiltskin shoots the arrow, but it hits the carriage.) Robin Hood: “We've been found. Marian, we must go!” Belle: (While Robin and Marian flee, to Rumplestiltskin:) “What happened?” Rumplestilskin: “I missed. (The thief and the woman climb onto a horse, and ride off into the distance. Releases Belle from her captivity:) Get back to the carriage. I'm bored of this forest.” Belle: “You're—you're not going after him?” Rumplestilskin: “He's not worth the effort.” Belle: “You spared his life.” Rumplestilskin: “What? I did nothing of the sort.” Belle: “That bow has magic in it. It never misses its target.” Rumplestilskin: “Well, perhaps the magic just simply wore... off.” (Belle hugs Rumplestilskin. Heading back to the carriage, Belle turns and looks towards him expectantly.) Belle: “Aren't you coming?” (Rumplestiltskin gives a small smile then follows her.)

Storybrooke. Present. (Doctor Whale is seen running down Main Street by Ruby, who decides to follow him.) The Land Without Color. Past. (Victor approaches Alphonse in his study.) Victor: I'm telling you, it's true. I’ve brought him back.” Alphonse: (Rises:) “Victor, if you have really given me this...” Victor: “We've kept him waiting long enough. (Victor leaves the room. After a moment he comes back, leading Gerhardt into the room. Victor has to support Gerhardt who toddles and seems to be distracted:) He's still recovering. It's a slow process, so don't expect him to—” Alphonse: “You did it.” Victor: (Nods and smiles:) “I did it.” Alphonse: “It's really you. (He picks up a candle from a nearby desk:) Let me see you, my son. (Alphonse approaches Gerhardt with the candle. Gerhardt groans, ducks away and shields his eyes from the candle's light:) What? What is it? (Alphonse darts a questioning look at Victor:) Is he all right? Why doesn't he speak?” (Alphonse turns back at Gerhardt. Gerhardt grunts again and swings his hand. The candle falls to the ground. Gerhardt crouches down and holds his head in his hands.) Victor: “I told you, Father, it's an adjustment.”

Alphonse: “I believed you. The terrible thing is, for a moment, I believed you did it. (Pointing at Gerhardt:) He's a monster! What a fool I was! That's not my son! You're not my son! (Alphonse pushes Victor away from him:) You're a ghoul and a grave robber! (Gerhardt lifts his head to see Alphonse pushing Victor away from him over and over again:) A fool and a witch doctor. You're a disgrace to this family.” (Gerhardt gets to his feet and lunges at Alphonse, throwing him down to the floor. Gerhardt then starts to punch Alphonse, beating him up in a fury. A stoic Victor watches the scene from behind. As he notices that Gerhardt won't stop, Victor approaches his brother.) Victor: “Enough. Gerhardt. (Placing a hand on Gerhardt's shoulder:) Enough. (Gerhardt stops beating Alphonse. Victor kneels beside his father and takes Alphonse's pulse:) You have killed our father.” (Gerhardt groans and quickly leaves the room.) Storybrooke. Present. Storybrooke Harbor. (Dr. Whale is standing at the edge of the dock. Ruby calls out to him.) Ruby: “Dr. Whale?” Dr. Whale: “Don't come near me.” (He jumps off the dock. Using her wolf abilities, Ruby is quickly able to grab Dr. Whale by the neck of his coat before he falls in to the water.)

#sq #swanqueen #swan queen

[olicitysecretsanta]

Interrupted

AN: Happy Holidays Cher Cher! I love all of your artwork so I hope you like this little fic. Obviously its very AU and fluffy, it doesn’t really fit into anywhere in the show timeline, but I hope you like it anyways :D

            ‘Something was tickling her back’. That was the first conscious thought in Felicity’s head. Quickly followed by, ‘her head was pounding’.

Slowly she became more aware of her surroundings. An extremely comfortable mattress beneath her - so she was in a bed. Though how soft the sheets felt suggested that it was not her own.

‘Okay this is fine. I can figure this out.’

“I can hear you thinking,” a rough voice spoke into her ear and suddenly it all came rushing back. Flashes of clothes being shed and skin on skin. That tickling was actually the feeling of stubbly kisses being pressed down her back – and other places.

“Oliver.”

            Finally her eyes opened and she was faced with a sight that took her breath away. Oliver had paused his exploration of her back with his mouth to rest his head on the pillow beside her. And as he watched her study him, a smile spread across his face – a real genuine smile. And Felicity could physically feel her heart melt.

            “So… that happened,” Felicity said hesitantly.

            If at all possible, Oliver’s smile grew even more. “Yes it did.”

            “And my current headache?”

            “Ah yes, I believe that is courtesy of the bottle of Lafite Rothschild 1982 that we finished last night.”

            “That would explain it alright.” Felicity couldn’t help but smile back.

            As crazy as it sounds, it all came down to the damn salmon ladder and a pair of workout leggings. The name on the list Oliver was hunting that night proved himself an easy target so Oliver was back earlier than expected. And the scene he saw when he came down the stairs into the bunker was an unusual one.

            Felicity was standing in front of the punching bag Digg had installed with her feet spread wide and her hands up in a fighting stance.

            But it was what she was wearing that had Oliver pull up short.

He tried his best to keep his distance from her; after all, he couldn’t be with someone he truly cared about. And her very short, tight and bright dresses did not help him. However, normally he could restrain himself.

But good lord was she testing his patience because she was wearing only a sports bra and a pair of workout leggings that seemed to be painted on.

Without conscious thought, Oliver pulled off his shirt in frustration and headed over to the salmon ladder. And if he heard a hitch in Felicity’s breath, well that was no one’s business but his own.

Felicity couldn’t help her eyes straying over to his form flying through the air. He really was unfairly pretty and the salmon ladder was only making him an even greater distraction.

She tried making conversation about how he was done so early but he only gave her monosyllabic replies. Clearly something about tonight had bothered him and there was no use trying to get more out of him about it. Oliver truly was the definition of repressed emotion.

Conversation was off the table so Felicity did something that surprised even her. She stopped her attempts at working out and made her way over to Oliver’s ‘mysterious box that they did not ask questions about’ (that was the official name).  

Oliver only looked up from the ground when he noticed her sitting on the box.

“What exactly do you think you are doing?” He asked bewilderedly, forgetting for a moment to be irate with her.

 “Something has pissed you off tonight. And I happen to know you have a very expensive bottle of vodka stored in her - though why you would ever want to drink straight vodka is absolutely insane to me, it’s seriously like drinking straight paint thinner and how is that enjoyable in any sense of the word? The only thing vodka is good for is getting blackout drunk and waking up missing your pants. Mind you tequila does that just as well even though you don’t have a secret stash of that,” Felicity blathered. “Not that I’m trying to get you to wake up without your pants!” Felicity could feel herself flush when her words caught up with her. “My point is, you look like you could use a drink.”

There was a pause as Oliver tried to comprehend her ramblings. He dropped to the floor and tried to stifle his wide smile.

“Felicity.” She finally made eye contact with him, still bright red in the face. “I have something even better.”

Disappearing up the stairs to Verdant’s stores, Oliver came down only a moment later holding a bottle of Lafite Rothschild 1982.

Her breath hitched again, “You remembered.”

“How could I forget?”

Some how the night progressed in a manner neither of them expected. Taking turns drinking directly from the bottle, Oliver and Felicity slowly started feeling the effects of the truly magnificent wine. Never having seen him drunk, or even tipsy, before Felicity found great amusement in how Oliver’s smiles seemed to come easier and faster as her tongue seemed to loosen even more.

Then one second they were sitting side by side up against one of the pillars talking and the next Felicity found herself leaning in and kissing Oliver.

And it only progressed from there, ending in a cab to Oliver’s loft and directly into his bed.

All the events led to Felicity finding herself naked in Oliver’s bed with a pounding headache and Oliver’s scruff tickling her back.

Already laid bare, Felicity couldn’t help but speaking completely honestly, “I keep waiting for you to pull away. Tell me why this can’t happen.”

Oliver made sure to meet her eyes with his own, “Felicity. A pack of rabid wolves couldn’t pull me away from you now,” He paused. For once she deserved to hear everything that he was thinking. She deserved the whole truth. “I’m still terrified. My head is telling me I should run and run far. But now that I know what this is like. Now that I’m allowed to touch you, I could bare to bring myself to stop.”

In a very rare occurrence, Felicity was the one to interrupt Oliver, and she leaned forward to kiss him. “Then that settles it. We’re both not going anywhere.”

For once, they both got to be happy. They just laid in bed talking. Both of them could not help but smile without stop. Kisses were traded between stories and they just enjoyed a perfect lazy morning.

Finally, the grumbling of Felicity’s stomach interrupted their bubble of bliss. “Clearly someone needs some food.” Oliver said with a laugh.

“Don’t you mock me.” Felicity pouted.

“I wouldn’t dare. You stay here and I will return with sustenance.”

Felicity reached to the side for her clothes. “Whoa and what exactly do you think you’re doing?” Felicity froze with her arm outstretched.

“Changing?”

“No you are going to stay here, lying blissfully naked while I go cook you breakfast. We will then proceed to eat that breakfast here in bed and continue what we were doing before.”

“You can cook?”

Oliver couldn’t help but laugh, “That’s what you got from all of that? Yes I can cook.”

Felicity lay back down and watched Oliver pull on his sweats and head toward the kitchen. For once thoughts weren’t running a million miles a minute through her head and for once she just relaxed silently.

Felicity was under no illusions about her own abilities in the kitchen. Her idea of a gourmet breakfast was cereal in an actual bowl rather whatever dish was cleanest. Therefore, after 10 minutes, when Oliver still hadn’t returned Felicity pulled the covers off her and went in search of her clothes.

As she grabbed her clothes she spied Oliver’s white button-down, thrown over the foot of the bed. And something possessed her to drop her leggings and pull her arms into his shirt. She then walked out the door, hissing at the coolness of the hardwood floors against her bare feet.

She found Oliver in the kitchen standing at the stove and wove her arms around his waist.

“I thought I told you to stay in bed and stay naked.”

“I got lonely.”

“Well we can’t have that can we?” A smile spread across her face, it was a rare day when Oliver wanted to be playful.

In one swift move Oliver turned off the burner and spun around in her arms. Before she could blink, he had her lifted onto the counter of the island behind them and he came to rest between her knees. Any train of thought she had was lost as Oliver started trailing kisses up her neck.

“Well hello.”

Felicity was not ashamed to admit that she yelped at the voice she didn’t recognize behind Oliver. She pulled away from Oliver to meet the eyes of someone she had previously only seen on magazine covers.

“Tommy Merlyn.”

“Here I am at a disadvantage, you know my name and I currently don’t know yours.”

“Felicity. Smoak.” Her hand came up to fiddle with her glasses.

“Well Felicity Smoak it is very nice to make your acquaintance,” Tommy said with a smirk on his face that screamed mischief. “Ollie where have you been hiding this one? It has been ages since I’ve seen you with a girl. She must be a special one!”

Oliver finally turned around again to face his best friend. “Tommy. When I gave you a key for emergencies, I didn’t quite mean for you to use to anytime.”

“I ran out of milk.”

Felicity glanced at Oliver to see his unimpressed face. She couldn’t help but snort, “Almost as good as spilling a latte on your laptop.” And suddenly Oliver’s unimpressed look was redirected to her. “Sorry that was supposed to be an internal thought.”

“So am I interrupting something?”

“Yes.”

“Yes.” Both Oliver and Felicity said together, without looking away from each other’s eyes.

“Well I can tell when I’m unwanted. I’ll just be on my way then. Have fun with this. Don’t forget to disinfect the counters.” Tommy called as he left through the front door.

“So he’s calling Thea now right?’

Oliver couldn’t help the laugh that burst out of his mouth, “Oh definitely.” His head came down to rest on her shoulder when his phone started ringing right when he finished talking. “Rain check on continuing this?”

Felicity brought his head up to kiss him. She then hopped off the counter and grabbed the French toast he has cooked before she interrupted him. “Absolutely.”

And they both were able to relieve the delightful experience 3 years later at their wedding, when Tommy opened his best man speech with the time he walked in on the bride and the groom going at it in the kitchen. 

#olicity secret santa 2017 #olicity #olicity fic #olicity fanfic #submission

[ghoultyrant]

FoZ Notes 20

Here we go. We’re really getting into Elves and the larger state of the world now!

----------------------------------

Somehow Derflinger was fully aware of everything that happened to Saito after the prior swordbody broke. He refuses to talk further on the whole "Gandalfr/Sasha using me to stab Brimir through the heart" thing because Sad.

Tiffania continuing to have self-esteem problems. Dammit. Can we go back to Badass Line Tiffania?

An island (kinda) known as the Dragon's Nest, a bizarre mass of pillars of stone sticking randomly out of the ocean. Luctiana has a friend who lives here. It used to be a volcano, but not anymore. Oh wait the buddy lives somewhere underwater. Luctiana apparently expects Tiffania and Saito to just be able to hold their breath for the whole dive, but when they object she rolls her eyes and casts a spell that lets them temporarily breathe underwater because of course such a spell exists. Oh and she makes Derflinger temporarily rustproof, because of course.

Said waterbreathing spell apparently turns water into air as it enters the throat. That... sounds really miserable, actually, but the story treats that as a perfectly good explanation with no unpleasant implications whatsoever.

Turns out Luctiana's friend is inside one of the pillars. Said friend? A massive Water Dragon called Mother Sea. She's actually a Rhyme Dragon because of fucking course. Dark silver scales that look blue at a glance somehow. Coral horns. Rhyme Dragons live long enough that Mother Sea's grandmother was a little girl six thousand years ago.

Mother Sea asserts that Rhyme Dragons have accepted they're going extinct so, like, whatever man. 's all cool dude. Bizarrely, she talks about God's will instead of, you know, the Great Purpose. And even though she keeps referring to Brimir as The Devil.

Wait, Luctiana is asserting 'barbarians' have no sense of shame in regards to kissing? Goddammit, she introduced herself completely naked and soaking wet! This isn't even cultural difference stuff with deliberate irony. This is just shit writing.

Finally get explicit confirmation that Shaitan's Gate/Devil's Door is the same place Halkeginians call the Holy Land. Derflinger alludes to a "Teleportation Gate", which is probably the same thing. I can already see the writing on the wall: whatever idiocy I'm imagining now regarding the Gate, canon will trump it.

There's a, what, third kind of Water Dragon? It gets compared to both eels and crocodilians. And it's a dumb, aggressive creature. You know, like Saito.

Derflinger just... talking underwater, ain't no thang. I... can't really criticize it (It’s not like he’s got vocal chords or whatever) but I still don't like it.

Submarine hidden in the sea nearby Dragon's Nest. Nuclear sub, specifically. And somehow Saito's Weapon Feedback Bullshit allows Derflinger to know that its power source is 'particles banging into other particles'. aaaargh

To no one's surprise except Saito (because he's retarded) the nuclear sub has nuclear weaponry. Shocking.

Oh my fucking god Luctiana ALSO has a spell for allowing people to talk underwater. (The quality gets compared to a shoddy radio)

For a minute there I thought the author was going to be quasi-intelligent and have Saito consider threatening the Elves by firing the nuke from the submarine. There'd be a lot of problems with this idea, but they're manageable, particularly when you consider that Colbert is a TinkerSpark. But noooo, Saito has looted the thing -because nuclear ICBMs are very small and lightweight, you see- and is thinking to himself how he can threaten the Elves via manually detonating the thing. This is insanely stupid nonsense, quite literally suicidal, and if he has to get close to detonate the thing they can just, you know, wreck the nuke -nukes aren’t even something that detonates explosively when shocked or something! This is just a bad plan on every level I can think of.

Supposedly the familiar summoning spell's words don't matter, only the feeling "in your heart". I have manifold issues with this claim, particularly since it's being introduced out of nowhere to justify Tiffania performing the summoning when the story finally feels like having it actually happen.

Oh my fucking god we FINALLY got a kind of explanation for Tiffania having a Ring of Andvari! Only ten volumes too late! Still no explanation for how she knew how to use the damn thing, though. Oh, and Elf Mom died by lol throwing herself in front of Tiffania when a knight tried to kill Tiffania. Yeah. Sure. THAT makes sense for an all-powerful wargod (ie an FoZ Elf) to do, as opposed to... casting Counter, or making the knight's head explode, or whatever.

Seriously fuck this author.

Elven council meeting room... is at the top of the tower? That's not what we were told last volume. [I seem to have lost almost all my notes from last volume on the Elves? Not sure how that happened. You’re not missing much, though]

"Steed-blooded party", an Elven political faction. They seem to be the Elven version of ultraconservative Catholics. Bidashal hates them.

As is typical of Japanese fiction, political leaders just don't want any fuckups happening on their watch so that nobody can blame them for said fuckups. So the Elven council is a bunch of people who don't want to do anything because they might get blamed if things don't work perfectly.

Bidashal is the Chairman of the Barbarian Countermeasures Committee.

For some reason, the Elves A: know Luctiana brought Saito to the Dragon's Nest and B: find this utterly horrifying. [The second bit actually kind of makes sense later. The first bit is never explained or justified]

Turuk is the current head of the Elven council. He's an old man in the same mold as Osmond, though so far not perverted, just a drunkard... wait a second. Osmond is supposed to be OLD, when we're introduced to him! Like possibly over two centuries old! I think the author entirely forgot about that, given how the story has been talking about Halkeginian and Elven ages for volumes unending.

Elves have a crime of "ethnic rebellion". It's unclear what it is, other than punishable with death. Really not selling me on this noble, peaceful Elves thing, here. The "Steel-bloodedparty" is all about killing traitors and 'devils', further undercutting said noble/peaceful thing. For that matter, the idea that they're wise and stuff is being undercut by how politicking for personal gain is occurring even though the Elves basically think they're on the verge of an apocalypse.

The Dragon's Nest apparently is where Earth crap gets dumped en mass by interdimensional shenanigans.

It's a super-duper secret that Shaitan's Gate connects to our Earth. 'Devils' seems to get used to mean Earth humans.

Elven "Nydus" Navy is made of "Dragon Whales". They look exactly like whales, but with scales. No, really, that's what the text says. I’m not mocking it here. I wish I was mocking it.

Fatima Hadat. A Steel-Blooded Party Elf woman with no practical combat experience but a drill sergeant's attitude anyway. She's trying to make up for an aunt's shameful behavior. Also Steel-Blooded Party members are Soviet Union people?? (Comrade etc etc all the time)

Mother Sea has been collecting the junk from Earth, thinking it's Halkeginian or Elven litter, basically.

Finally the story reveals that Dragon's Nest is Shaitan's Gate/the Holy Land. Credit where it's due: this makes perfect sense and I failed to figure it out before the story spelled it out. Six thousand years ago, this area was dry land.

Elves have rifling, Halkeginians... also have it, but nobles have suppressed it because they don't want peasantry getting good weapons. Eeeeeh. We also hear some nonsense about Halkeginian nobles believing weapons to be 'the path to evil'. Since when? And this is from the omniscient narrator, keep in mind, not some biased character where I could assume they’re just out of touch with the rest of their culture.

I just realized I'm halfway through this volume and Louise hasn't had ANY screentime. Would like to punch the author now.

Saito theorizing Derflinger has an Imp-style memory block Sasha put on him that prevents him from remembering things if they would threaten Elves. Sorry, no, shit explanation. A for effort, F for execution.

Random assertion from Derflinger that only 'skilled' Elves can use Counter. You know, that way we can justify Saito being able to win against Elves even though Louise is absent from the plot. Narratively-convenient construction strikes for the five millionth time! Don't think too hard about the fact that he's facing Elven soldiers who logically should be trained fighters, you'll just get an aneurysm and/or an all-consuming desire to murder the already-dead author.

Elves have Windstone-powered guns that work wet.

Oh. Here's the idiotic payoff of all this shit of Tiffania wanting to meet "Elves like her mother": her mom is Fatima's shame-bringing aunt, and Fatima recognizes her ring’s remains (Because remember, the Stone of Andvari part got used up) and gets pissed. sigh

WHAT the FUCK. Tiffania casting Summon Familiar SUMMONS FUCKING SAITO.

NO. THAT IS BULLSHIT. THIS IS THE FUCKING WORST.

YES IT'S BEING USED TO TURN SAITO INTO A FUCKING GODDAMN DOUBLEFAMILIAR KILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILLKILL

Over with Vittorio he's talking with Julio about feeling bad about his lies: A, there is no 'device'. B, the Void ritual won't stop the Wind Stone Catastrophe. Sasha, the elf, was Gandalfr+other familiar six thousand years before Saito ARGHBLARGHLE THIS STORY IS SHIT

Now Julio is ALSO BECOMING A DOUBLEFAMILIAR BECAUSE HE'S AN EVEN BIGGER MARY SUE THAN SAITO MURDERVERYTHINGIT'STHEONLYWAY

Ominous dialogue implying it's somehow critically important to have the master/familiar folk die while in love with each other.

Elven airships are dragon-towed. The story pretends like this is a superior methodology to Halkeginian airships. Pffffff.

Utterly bullshit claim that Elves perform trade with Halkeginians, implied claim that Halkeginian nobles hate Elves but civilians aren't afraid of them or anything. So all that shit earlier of peasants thinking Elves are cannibals and so on? lol whatever man consistency is for, like, non-shit writers.

So remember how before there was a Germanian castle at the border of the Elf/Germanian border, in desert? Yeah, NOW there's "the Unexplored Lands", a vat region of forest and plains mostly occupied by demi-humans and separating Elven desert from Germanian land. Consistency is for losers lol!!! (Beastmen, ogres, and avianmen, specifically, not that this means much to the audience)

So you remember how alchemy/transmutation is the most basic of earth magics? Hahahahaha the author doesn't, asserting that Guiche is useless in an aerial battle because earth affinity lol.

Claim Elven airships have never lost to Halkeginian airships.

The Sahara has wild boars. I have no idea how plausible this is, so I’ll let it ago. Even if it is bullshit, it just does not rate compared to the whirling shitstorm of everything else going on.

This volume and the previous are implying there's a fair amount of language shenanigans occurring in the original Japanese. Stuff like Elf/people of the desert and Void/work of the devil being indicated to have been said via kanji shenanigans. I'm sort of disappointed at the evidence being that the unusual choice for desert Elves is probably just a pun that’s not surviving into English.

Urge to kill rising. Ali just saved Saito and Tiffania because... ostensibly because he's saving Luctiana and so he will need their help since saving her makes him a race traitor, but that's bullshit. It's just a super-thin way of ALMOST killing off Tiffania for DRAMA and then not having it stick. Fuck this writer.

Ali ALSO grabbed Fatima, because of fucking course.

So after making a big deal about that submarine [As in: Luctiana found the idea of an undersea boat just fucking unimaginable, and not in the “there’s no way barbarians have pulled that off!” sort of way, but in the “That’s not a thing anyone could possibly do!” sort of way] earlier... it turns out Elves have submarines based on having the Stupid Breed kind of Sea Dragon drag around an airfilled whatsit. This is fucking ridiculous, it's like the author has an active hatred of consistency and quality.

End volume.

--------

Aaaaand that's all she wrote.

Volume 21 is barely translated, and volume 22 isn't translated at all. So I'm done until such time as volume 21 gets translated.

This fucking series, goddamn.

So, since it's not gotten into by this point in the story, I went and used the Familiar of Zero wiki to look up what the fourth Familiar actually does: firstly, they can burn their life force to enhance their master's spells. Which. Why? The story has already established that people can do this with their own life force, why does it require a specific special familiar to be able to tap someone else's life force? Secondly, they can "stockpile spells" to "turn themselves into basically a bomb", whatever the wiki means by that.

Honestly, I'd forgive basically anyone for throwing it out entirely and replacing it with something more consistent with the other Void Familiars. Oh, and if I haven't mentioned it already, the name is Lífþrasir, supposed to be "the heart of God".

So. Yeah. I could see someone having coasted through the prior volumes, not thinking too hard and not noticing how the story is inconsistent nonsense, but holy fuck are we experiencing a sudden, extreme dip in quality. And the worst part is it looks like much of it was intended for a long time, so I don’t think I can blame this on whatever killed the author, if he like died of illness or something.

Fuck this series.

#Familiar of Zero #Notes #Argh

[skoobyspooky]

Buffy couldn’t figure out how to describe it and she didn’t think there would be a way. Her eyes remained trained on the blood moon above their heads, running her nails sharply down his back, blood seeping under fingernails as she felt him pivot in and out of her. There was electricity in the air; a dark, powerful kind of magic she knew they could both feel and when she looked into Spike’s eyes when he entered her for the first time, she knew he could feel it too. She hooked her leg over his calve and turned them both over, landing on top and keeping up with the fast, aggressive pace with an inhuman ease that would have deeply concerned her if she had been lucid. But with sex-hazed mind and the fact that Spike was fucking her in many different positions—this was their third round and the energy didn’t seem to be waning at all—she couldn’t bring herself to really care about the reality of the situation.

She released a choked scream as she came, her head thrown back and her eyes rolling into her skull as the pleasure wracked her entire body. She convulsed from the waves of pleasure and when she was able to see again, she noticed the same thing happened to Spike. To any other person it looked like a seizure or an exorcism, but this was an actual orgasm she couldn’t name: this wasn’t normal. This was… far beyond the realm of normal or what she even called sane. Spike relaxed back against the marble floor of the ancient ruins, gazing up at the blood moon as its powerful glow was reflected in his eyes. Buffy gazed down at him, her breath heavy and her naked body dripping in perspiration. Three rounds and she didn’t feel tired—not really. She felt exhilarated, alive—like she had ascended into a different kind of being. The only question she could really ask in this small moment of clarity before the tension built up again was: what the hell was going on?

She recalled tracking him down to old Corotharian ruins to seek some way of becoming immune to sunlight. The legends of the Corothar had been ingrained in both his head and Buffy’s and she knew he would make his way through the tunnels below Sunnydale to find what was once a temple to the Corothar. What remained was broken architecture and a hole in the temple’s ceiling that once had been adorned in jewels of all kinds; some of the jewels were still there but they most likely were hidden under the piles of destruction left behind. The enormous pillars decorated in colourful stones, however, still stood and the small pools of water in the shape of lotuses forming a circle around the centre of the temple remained intact. When she got there, knowing full well what his intentions had been, she intended to finally end it. End the games, end the dances, and to end him. She saw in his eyes he was thinking the same thing.

What ensued rather was a bit of sparring before somehow—and she couldn’t fully recall this—Buffy impaled herself not on a stake but on his hard member and watched the confusion, elation and surprise dance across his eyes. But there was also a question there: are you sure? She nodded, shutting her eyes, throwing her head back and moving up and down on him.

That was how they ended up here. Buffy detached herself from him, feeling the tingle between her thighs return in full force and her legs coat in fluids—both hers and his. “We can’t keep doing this… this is insane…”

“I know…” Spike whispered, rolling onto his side, watching her rush from one wall of the temple to the other. Where the hell did the entrance go? They were just walls now. Darkness. The both of them were illuminated by nothing but the bright, crimson light coming from the lunar eclipse above. “What the ‘ell’s goin’ on?”

“I don’t know but my mom, she’s going to be… oh, God…” she moaned deeply, pressing herself hard against the wall, reaching a hand between her thighs and touching at the swollen nub. “What is this…” she whined, pressing her forehead against the stone.

Spike stood from his place on the floor, making his way over to Buffy with another growing erection. He pressed himself against her back, burying his face in the crook of her neck with his cock against her ass; she reached behind and began to stroke him, getting increasingly turned on not by an invisible force alone but by the noises he was making. In sync, they both hurriedly shifted for him to be inside her once again, relieving the building tension and both releasing groans at the sensation of being joined once again with Spike behind her. She reached behind to grab at the back of his head, clutching messes of the bleached tresses and gasping with each thrust, her other hand pressed against the wall with his own covering it. Their fingers threaded together and the pace once again grew to be aggressively fast as they began to reach the peak.

Then Buffy felt something wet on her feet. She managed to peel her eyes open to look down, find water pooling around her toes and the balls of her feet. The water was rising and yet, instead of feeling panic or finally being awakened from this strangeness, she simply craned her neck and kissed Spike on the lips, managing to speak, “We need to move back to the centre.”

Spike pulled out—and God, did that suck—allowing Buffy to turn and face him once again as they both shuffled back to the centre. Spike fell to the floor, barely managing to sit up as Buffy settled both knees by his hips and guided him inside her again. The water continued to pool around them, rising and rising around their naked bodies, appearing like blood because of the red luminosity. Spike took one of Buffy’s breasts into his mouth, suckling on the nipple as she threw her head back once again and looked up at the eclipse. Were they worshipping someone? Was this a religious process the Corothar did for their god?

Then their God was a massive pervert and really needed to end this shit right now.

But it didn’t end. Instead, Buffy finally drew her eyes away from the moon and looked into Spike’s and there was where they stayed. He reached a hand to tuck strands of sweaty hair behind her ear, watching every emotion cross her face just as she did to him. She could feel her heartbeat pounding wildly and placing a hand against his chest, she felt his move in sync with her own. They continued to stare even as the water rose and then suddenly… the night got even stranger.

Buffy could feel every emotion rushing through Spike. He had no soul, he had nothing she considered an anchor to any humanity he would have left, but now she could feel it all coursing through her veins. It felt unfamiliar; like a sense that something unwelcome was inside your house (or in this case her body) and she knew they were his because she could see them dance across his eyes. Then they both fell on the same level: realisation and shock.

“I can feel you,” Spike whispered hoarsely.

Buffy nodded her head, “Same.”

The water around them began to glow as it reached waist level. It shimmered and shined a blinding golden light and Buffy tried to ignore all of it by focusing on him, completely on him as they felt each other grow tighter with the inevitable orgasmic seizure about to occur.

Then Spike’s body began to glow; Buffy watched as light from within him creeped along until it reached his throat, watching him look as if he was choking on his own blood until the light finally reached his eyes.

And they glowed. They glowed as if the sun was coming from within him, burning fiercely. Buffy came once again not even realising when Spike had buried his head into her chest and done the same. After that, she couldn’t remember what had happened.

When they woke, Spike was holding her close against his chest underneath the sunlight and cutting very swiftly through the after effects of a long rest, Buffy realised that what had happened had been of a far more powerful kind than she had ever been involved with before.

Spike wasn’t burning and Buffy felt a small tingle in her stomach, unbeknownst to her it was a little announcement: life was going to grow.

[ecotone99]

[SF] A World of Wonder and Terror

So, this is my first story, and I am excited to share this. Part 2 will come out when I feel like making it.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Part 1

"What was the harm in going back to the past and changing a few things?" My teacher gave me a stern look.

"Now listen here,James Erwin,messing with the past is dangerous because it could alter the future in drastic ways. Stepping on a single dragonfly in the wilderness could make humans be slaves to reptile men." My class started giggling at that part.

"And are you sure these reptile men aren't hot? I mean,if they are,then I would gladly be enslaved to them." The class roared in laughter! It was usually my thing.

"James Erwin,get those images of hot reptile anime things out of your head! This is serious!" The bell started to ring.

"Class dismissed. Remember tomorrow we will be using the Time Machines,so be prepared."

I got to my dorm around 3 in the afternoon. My homework was pretty easy,just calculating the distance between two points. At seven my three roomates arrived. Two were in my class and about to go into the Time Machine.

Helen is in my class and is always the first to laugh at my jokes. She gets really nervous around me for some reason. Whenever she sees my face,she looks the other way and starts twiddling with her long hair.

Carl is the other one in my class and we call him “Emo to the Extremo.” He believes that total anarchy is the only way humans can be satisfied. Ironically enough,he is under 18.

Jonathan is in another class and have already used the Time Machines. He is cautious and doesn’t believe that humans should try to change the past. He believes Time Travel is a tool that should be heavily guarded and regulated. I say he hates having fun together.

“So James,about to jack off to some vampire anime girls.” Jonathan also is a big prick. “Which are you gonna look at tonight,the Ts or the As?” Helen looks like she is going to run back to her room.

“Johno,can you please go back to your stash of 1990s celebrities. I think that MC Hammer needs a listen to.” He hates when people call him Johno.

“You can listen and admire culture all you want,but one day you will die unfulfilled because you wasted your life with it.” Carl’s head sank low onto his body.

“Listen,Carl,just lighten up,will ya?” I tried to get Carl to pick his head up.

“No,anarchy is the only way to be fulfilled.” Carl ran into his room. I thought it was getting late and I went to bed too.

The next day I woke up and was out the door in a jiffy. I arrived at class just in time to hear the precautions for the Time Machine.

“Now remember,stay on the blue path. It makes sure you can’t disturb anything and nothing can disturb you. And remember,don’t kill anything. It could alter the present and cause drastic changes.” I readied my suit and was getting with my group of Helen and Carl.

The doors to the Machine opened and we walked through. There was a flash of pure white,and then we saw it.The trees towered over the skyline,the giant reptilian dinosaurs ran through,and it was literally a blast to the past.

Now,I am a very playful individual,and I do like to mess around with things. So,me being me,I tried to pretend to disturb something. and I stretched my foot over the edge of the blue path.

“Hey look Carl,I’m going to make sure Communism becomes the only economic system.” Carl faced me with a stern look. Helen just kept silent. “Hey Helen,look at me,I’m about to make sure that we get enslaved by hot reptile people.” She cracked a smile and let out a chuckle.

I started to put more than my foot over the edge. Soon an arm,and then two arms,then I lent over,then suddenly,I fell into the Jungle. I picked my head up and started to find the path. It was high up in the trees. Luckily,there was a downed branch near the pathway. I started running toward it,and I hear something squeal. I accidentally stepped on a mouse.

It’s a stupid mouse.I thought,What harm could it do? I got back to the path and was helped up by Carl and Helen.

“You stupid idiot. We could get expelled because of you.” Carl was worried. Helen seemed to sink more into the background.

The Time Machine made a whistle sound,meaning that it was about to go back. We rushed to the Machine as fast we could.

I am so getting expelled for this. I thought. I really was,because I knew that when I walk through that machine,my teacher would send me to the principal and I would be expelled. I would be expelled over a mouse!

The White in our eyes came back,but something felt different. I realized that when the whiteness cleared. It was nighttime,which was odd because on our watches it said 3:50. Then I looked at the period and saw it was AM.

Shoot. I thought. We spent so much time in their that it’s nighttime. I then looked around and to my suprise,the school wasn’t there.

“Did we travel to the wrong time when we got out of there?” Helen and Carl both shook their heads.

“I don’t know where the hell we just arrived,but it’s given me the creeps.” Carl looked frightened.

“Really,Mr. Anarchy is the only way humans can be fulfilled.”

“Screw you,James. If it wasn’t for you,we’d be home right now!” I started to pound the shit out of Carl.

“Guys,stop fighting. Please stop.” Helen seemed to have tears in her eyes.

“So you can talk.” Helen looked away so soon as I said that.

“Ahahahahahaha.” We all heard the creepy laughter. We looked up and we saw dozens of pillars. There was a vampire woman on one of the pillars in a relieving outfit looking down at us. “Oh don’t stop now,I was just starting to enjoy it. Besides,the fun is only about to start.” She raised her hands up and chanted something. Zombies came up from the ground with filming cameras. The Vampire lady stood in front of the Camera that was in front of us.

“Welcome,ladies and gentleman,to the spectacular program tonight. I’m your world famous host Aliza,and welcome to Non-monster Extravaganza. Tonight,we have three lucky contestants to be on this show on this lovely afternoon.” The zombie crewmen put collars on each of us. “If you haven’t seen an episode of our show before,let me explain the rules. The contestants have to face on challenges that involve humiliation,going insane,and even self-mutilation. If one of them passes all three challenges,they are allowed to be in the overworld and not be subjected back to the underground. If a contestant refuses,they will be shocked by the collar until they decided to continue or die. If a contestant fails,they will get a one-way ticket to my personal dungeon where they will become my living slave for all eternity. Now that’s out of the way,let us begin.”

She stepped away from the camera and started the first challenge.

“Each Non-monster will have to now survive being naked in public for two whole days,and never putting anything on to reveal their bodies. The monsters in public have been advised to not kill the Non-monsters as they complete the challenge. This challenge will take place in the most populated monster city,New Gahi.” We were transported there in an instant. “The challenge starts now!” Our clothes are gone and Monsters were everywhere. They all looked like hot people,like hot werewolves,hot mermaids in the big pools of water around the city,and hot vampires,like Aliza.

The monsters had either started to look away,shield their child’s eyes,or had taken a liking to our bare bodies.

“If you want to talk to each other,that’s alright. It isn’t against the rules.” Aliza seemed to be watching over us.

“James,” Carl whispered to me, “What the actual fuck did you do to have us end up like this?”

“All I did was step on a mouse,that’s it.” I thought about it and it realized something is wrong. How could stepping on a mouse mess up humanity that bad? Then,I knew that the answer was watching over me like a bird over its prey.

“Excuse me,Aliza.” She looked in my direction. “Can you please tell me about the origins of the Monsters and Non-monsters? My parents never told me about it.”

She thought about it for some time and decided on an answer.

“Alright,since you have nothing better to do,i’ll tell you.” Zombie Camera men appeared everywhere with remote controls in their hands.

“It started a long time ago,we evolved from little mammals like mice and rats,and we became what we call humanity. Some of us though,became what we know as monsters. We could enslave,control,and live off the non-monsters. This happened because of a mutation that became commonplace because there wasn’t enough non-mutated genes to go about. A side effect,though,was that it made us not able to handle the sun,so we didn’t go out much. Today, our best scientists have blocked out the sun entirely through clouds.

“We tried to keep our distance from the Non-monsters as best we could,but they wanted everything. Our mutation made us more humble than the Non-monsters. They were a sub-race of us monsters,and they wanted all the land for themselves. We sealed them underground with a magic barrier that is impenetrable from their side. Even though they couldn’t get out,we could get in. We sometimes ask for humans for their blood,their bodies,or for my game show. You just happened to be lucky enough not to be one of the blood givers. And buddy,you should be glad that I even host this show. Otherwise,” Her pupils seemed to disappear into nothing. “You would be bowing at my feet for mercy.”

I stopped at that point. I sat down and began to rest. I waited the two days out while Helen just cried and Carl mumbled to himself.

“Congrats,Non-monsters,you completed the challenge! Now for the second,” Instead of our clothes,though,we had straight jackets. “Survive a week in solitary confinement.”

We were then transported to a cell with no windows or door. I looked around and heard Aliza’a voice.

“See you in a week,Non-monsters. Ta Ta.” I sat down in my cell and decided to fall asleep. I was tired of trying to not embarrass myself in front of those monsters. I fell asleep,woke up,and went back to bed. I kept doing this until I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I was pretty sure it was a rat of some kind. I went over to it and tried to look at it more. Then it started to become distorted and grow.

What the hell is happening? I thought to myself. The rat grew into a human. I looked at them and saw that it was Helen. Her hair was covering her face though.

“Helen,where did you learn to shapeshift?” I pulled back her hair and screamed as I saw that it was the face of a spider. I heard voices in my head,and they all were saying different things that didn’t make sense.

“Kill the spare!”

“The curtains are really on fire!”

“Let's go play with the knife!”

“Dad,I want to try to break the human!”

I’m going insane.I thought. I really was,and I hid under the bed. I tried to drown out the voices,but they couldn’t get out. The room started spinning,the walls began to melt,and I saw horrid things. These things I can not describe,they would make the sanest person go mad. They were with me until this nightmare is over.

This lasted until god knows when. It felt like ages until I heard Aliza’a voice.

“Congrats to all Non-monsters,you all made it.” The room started to slow down,the walls came back,and the voices stopped.

I was then teleported into a room with Carl and Helen. Helen was in a fetal position and on the floor crying,while Carl was holding on to the walls trying not to throw up.

Aliza walked into the room and made us look her way.

“Well done,Non-monsters. You made it past the second challenge. Most people don’t last that long.”

“Well most people would not want to even do that you sadistic Dracula’s daughter wannabe!” Carl was visibly shaking and was almost a deep shade of green.

“Oh don’t say that,at least I didn’t make you saw off your arms or legs like last season. Besides,I am a relative of this ‘Dracula’ you sepak of. He was my great-great-great-great-grandfather.” Carl looked scared along with looking like he was going to vomit his insides out.

“Now,the last challenge is going to be personal,literally. We will scan your brain for your greatest fears,and we are going to manifest them in every possible way. The only way to beat the challenge is to conquer your fear.” Three different chairs with helmets attached to the tops came out of the darkness. Aliza swinged her arm in the direction of the chairs and we flew into them. The helmets seemed to instantly attach to our heads. Metal rings popped up and held us in place.

“Now get ready,” Aliza swiftly raised a button of some sort. “To be Scanned!”

The chairs made a whirring sound and a light started emitting from the helmets. Then,there was a sharp pain that went through my entire body. This lasted for about five minutes until the chair deactivated. We got up from our chairs and fell to the ground.

“Wonderful,absolutely wonderful.” Aliza was now facing the camera. “Let us begin the challenges.” She snapped her fingers and I was transported to a room with nothing. It was so dark I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. I don’t know how,but I heard Aliza’s voice coming from somewhere.

“James,your challenge,” Aliza appeared right in front of me.

Jesus,she’s hot. I kept thinking to myself.

Aliza’s eyes went from normal to almost reptilian in an instant. Her teeth went to fangs,her skin became pale as a ghost,and her tongue slithered out of her mouth. Veins seemed to pop out of her body.

“Is to survive me!”

I heard her laughter and she teleported right in front of me. I ran away to the right,and saw a door. I opened the door to see dungeons crawling with spiders.

Fuck, I thought as I ran through what seemed to be endless hallway. That stupid thing was accurate.

I came to a three-way crossroads.

I can lose her here. I was certain she couldn’t go all directions at once.

“Where are you going,darling?” Aliza seemed to be following me. “Don’t you want to succumb to a fabulous movie star like me?”

I sprinted to the right,hoping she didn’t know where I was going. The walls started to have more spiders on them,until they were crawling everywhere. Webs started to become larger,until I was completely caught in the web. I heard giant footsteps,and I saw a giant hairy spider leg come out of the darkness.

Crap, I thought. I really need to get out of here. I started to run to the other side until I heard Aliza coming toward me.

“Come here,mommy is thirsty.” I went over my opinions and decided that I would rather run toward the giant spider then have my blood be sucked out by a hot vampire. I grabbed pieces of the web and was ripping it off of me. The giant spider was horrific when it came into view. I just managed to move again when I first saw it. The hairy body and disgusting face unnerved me to the point where I just ran under it without looking up. I ran until I came at another crossroads,but these only went left and straight. I looked around until a recognized something from the other crossroads.

These are the same ones,but because I stopped the spiders,the path is gone. The thought had been creeping up on me when I first went down the hallway,but I didn’t think it would actually happen.

I went left because I would just keep running when I finished this challenge. I went in here,and I saw what I thought to be something of my nightmares.

There was an unsteady bridge that was being held up by wooden poles that could be called sticks,and on the bottom were snakes that looked like they wanted to make me their dinner.

I put my foot down on the steps,and the planks started to crack.

End of Part 1

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