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remcycl333 · 1 year

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hey! ive read your latest post multiple times and i have a few questions?

1. do i need to use “i love sps name” or can i just say “i love sp” without using their name bc i know that saying their name causes us to be more obsessed with them and then they wont remember us, will the affirmation still put me in the state?

2. everything about not needing it in the 3d makes me feel like this is literally detaching? I thought with the law of assumption we wont have to detach bc were essentially tricking our subconscious into believing we have something? so why would we need to not want it in the 3d? sorry but i really want my sp IN the 3d, or else i wouldnt ever do this.

3. what if i do everything right and it still doesn’t happen? its hard to put faith into all this when so little people have successes and even if i accept i created all my circumstances before, how do i know i can create the “good” when all i’ve experienced is bad?

4. what if i dont feel fulfilled at all? when i think of being with my sp i dont feel anything bc i was with him for 4 years hes not a crush or anything i would feel obsessive for. I always felt normal and right now i feel his absence but how do i “not” feel something?

thanks again, may i be 🎨⛸️ anon?

#🎨⛸️anon

im confused how you read the post multiple times when every question you asked is answered in the post ?

"for instance, say you're manifesting a relationship. being in a relationship might feel differently for me than it would for you. i might love differently than you. there might be things in relationships that are more important to me than you, that i hold dearer to my heart than you do. even if you've never been in a relationship before, i'm sure you have an idea of what your perfect relationship would be like. and it might be completely different than my idea. that's why it's important that we personalize our methods to ourselves."

here i explain that since we all experience states differently (specifically the state of being in a relationship), we should personalize our methods to ourselves. meaning your affirmations, if your preferred method is affirming.

"i used to repeat whatever affirmation worked for someone else, or make sure my daydreams were "perfect." but i'd never get the feeling. i would just go through the motions, trying to repeat these methods enough times so they'd manifest into my reality. but that was the issue. i was trying. i was forcing it.

imagination is natural and personal."

here i explain that you shouldn't just copy someone else's affirmation, but instead find one that works for YOU. i shared an example of the affirmation i used, but that doesn't mean you should use it! if you don't like it, then don't use it! if it doesn't give you the feeling, don't use it!

also, "saying your sp's name makes you obsessed with them" is the biggest limiting belief i have ever heard. if you were in a relationship with your sp, would you say their name? yeah, you would!

"your subconscious mind responds to feelings. it doesn't pay attention to your thoughts, whether they're in words or pictures. you are not imagining to show your subconscious mind what you want, you are imagining to FEEL and EXPERIENCE BEING the person who already has your desire."

here i explain that the exact affirmation you say does not matter, because it's not the words that matter, it's the FEELING they give you. you can affirm "i like burritos" and manifest your sp using that affirmation alone if it gives you the FEELING.

create your affirmation ON YOUR OWN! PERSONALIZE it to YOU! you experience love differently than i do. affirm what works for you.

"so my advice is take whatever you are manifesting, and take a night--perhaps the time when you'd usually daydream before falling asleep--and think about what it is you want. why do you want it? how do you think having it will make you feel? what will you do with it once you have it? what will your natural thoughts be when you have it?"

do this tonight. or right now, even. experiment with your affirmations until you find that one helps you feel like you're already with your sp. stop putting so much pressure on yourself! there is not right or wrong. and don't ask me to make you affirmations because they should be personalized to u!

2. "your goal should not be to imagine enough times that you get your desire in your 3D. your goal shouldn't be to get your desire in your 3D, period.

this is an inflammatory sentence for some, but hear me out. if you accept your desire as done in your 4D, and make the state of having your desire your dwelling state, your desire will reflect in your 3D because that's LAW. but your goal shouldn't be doing methods and fulfilling yourself to GET, your goal should be making yourself feel good. retreat to your imagination when you need to, if you're feeling bad or like everything's hopeless. retreat to your imagination and give yourself your desire. this can be as simple as repeating an affirmation a few times until you catch the feeling if you're busy with something else, or as involved as scripting or daydreaming about having your desire."

here i explain that YOU WILL GET YOUR DESIRE IN THE 3D NO MATTER WHAT. yes you are manifesting because you want your sp in your 3D. but you WILL NOT GET YOUR SP IN YOUR 3D IF YOU DON'T GIVE IT TO YOURSELF IN YOUR 4D FIRST! point blank period. so your goal should be giving it to yourself in your 4D. once you do that, you WILL get it in the 3D because that's LAW! but once you take your focus off not having it in the 3D, you will be able to accept that you have it in your 4D easier! stop focusing on the 3D. that's not detaching, that is manifesting.

this thing you said "I thought with the law of assumption we wont have to detach bc were essentially tricking our subconscious into believing we have something?" NO NO NO you are NOT tricking your subconscious into thinking ANYTHING! u have your desire in your 4D, that's a FACT! you have anything and everything you want in your 4D the second you desire it. you are not tricking your subconscious mind. also, your subconscious mind is YOU, stop acting as tho it's separate from u! it's YOU!

you're not tricking your subconscious, you are accepting that you have it in your IMAGINATION! how is it hard to believe you have something in your imagination? you're definitely overthinking if you think that you don't have something in your imagination. because its your imagination and you can instantly imagine anything you want, and boom! it exists in your imagination.

3. girl i see soooo many people post their successes every single day with the law.

i can't make you believe the law, i also can't make you apply it. if you don't want to apply it because you are scared of failing, that is not on me. it's not my fault if you don't get your sp bc you don't want to apply! i know this sounds harsh but TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! and TRY! what's gonna happen if you give it your all and don't get your sp? the same thing that'll happen if you don't try at all.

you've created good before. look at anything good you've ever gotten or experienced in your life. YOU manifested that, because you create everything! apply the law and prove it to yourself. no one can convince you. you need to put in the work and convince yourself. don't let fear hold you back from living a good life

4. it sounds like you haven't even tried to fulfill yourself? you said you were with your sp for four years. what type of thoughts were you having when you were dating your sp? recreate those. that's what i did, and how i came up with my "i love my sp" affirmation. and that got me my sp.

you don't feel his absence by fulfilling yourself. retreat to your imagination and be with him in your imagination. imagine what you'd be doing if you were together rn. since you've been in a relationship with him before, i know you know how you feel while in a relationship with him. experiment with different affirmations until you catch that feeling.

also, as i've said multiple times on my blog, the feeling of knowing can sometimes feel like nothing at all. just natural.

"sometimes the feeling of knowing doesn’t feel like anything!! for instance i KNOW my hair is brown, but i don’t feel any type of way when i remember my hair is brown. it’s just a natural fact to me!"

i hope this helped and i hope you take the advice i've given you. it's all i can do for you since i can't force you to apply.

#asks

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tokiro07 · 9 months

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Undead Unluck ch.169 thoughts

[Fuuko is So Normal About High School]

I know we must have talked about it a thousand times by now, but Fuuko is such an unhinged person in a delightfully subtle way. Beginning of series Fuuko is fairly normal, seeming to have a decent amount of common sense despite being a shut-in for over a decade, but with 200+ years of living as an action heroine, her values and understanding of the world have been...a tad skewed

Mind you, I've been out of high school for over a decade, and I have trouble imagining that such a world would be even remotely recognizable to me if I were to be forced to return to it now. For Fuuko, whose experience has been entirely through fiction, she doesn't even have the ability to draw on her own memories of it. She's practically going in blind, and she ends up running into every wall she possibly can because of it

On the flipside though: of course Fuuko raised her hand instead of waiting to be called on! She wants to participate! She wants to feel like she's in the classroom! Everyone else is just waiting for the bell to ring, but for Fuuko? This is a dream come true! Surrounded by people of her own age, not afraid of accidentally literally killing them, actually learning something. If you're a big Jump reader like me, then you've probably caught on that this is very similar to the premise of Kill Blue, where a middle-aged man raised since birth to be a hitman suddenly is turned into a kid and finds that he has a passion for learning when he's forced to return to middle school. I can really see Fuuko and Ogami becoming fast friends with that unique shared experience

Similar to Ogami, Fuuko is making an active effort not to stand out, and instead only wants to focus on getting close to one particular student (Fuuko to Chikara and Ogami to Noren), and naturally in the process manages to become the talk of the school, including through a surprising show of superhuman physical prowess. I wonder if Tozuka is reading Kill Blue?

Now, if Fuuko weren't here trying to get close to Chikara and therefore weren't concerned with maintaining a low profile, do you suppose she'd be eating up the popularity? She never got to make friends in school, so having so many odd skills and quirks that everyone's eyes are on her would probably make her feel like a protagonist in a shoujo manga (rather than the protagonist of a shounen manga as she is), which I have to figure would be a huge plus for her. Honestly, given that she still has a positive outlook on school after all of her missteps, I'm inclined to think that she would in fact enjoy the attention, even if she would still be embarrassed and overwhelmed by it

It kind of seems like she's enjoying it because it's not going as she thought it would. Like she said, high school is about creating memories that will last a lifetime, so amassing both good and bad experiences is just a part of the deal. That's true in manga, too, so on some level she must have expected that

I think it's especially fitting that Fuuko relays this message about the preciousness of youth while staring at the rooftop fence. It's not explicitly stated, but I'm sure you all know exactly why that fence is there: to protect those young lives and ensure they continue on into adulthood. Fuuko herself must have been able to relate, as the lack of such a fence ultimately kickstarted her entire journey, grim as that may be to say. Knowing that it's there because children can be made to feel just as helpless and despondent as she was, Fuuko's resolve to protect their way of life, Chikara's especially, was surely renewed with that sight

To wrap up this review, I'm going to reiterate once again that Undead Unluck is one of the funniest manga I've ever read, and this is one of the funniest chapters. Some great jokes from this chapter include:

Gina "You Know Other Girls?" Chamber hissing at everyone trying to talk to Fuuko

Ichico pouting about being assigned a teaching role instead of getting to be a student, as if she's not young and pretty enough to pass

Fuuko having a panic attack because she had the gall to raise her hand in class and learning that's not a normal thing to do apparently

Gina spending the entire chapter with her face in her hands because she just realized she fell in love with an idiot

"Stop using Untruth on me. I give."

"Take it nice and slow, Mr. Shen" *Shen does 300 rapid sidejumps* "Yes. Perfect."

"Shen's been winking at every girl to practice Untruth..." "What's wrong with winking??"

Chikara walking in on Fuuko saying "let's find a way to get closer to Chikara" in a perfectly timed shoujo manga moment

I hope the rest of this arc continues to be this funny, even if it's only for a couple more chapters. Given that Andy's not here yet, I assume the intention for this romcom arc is to focus more on the com than the rom, but the misunderstanding of why Fuuko has taken such a clear interest in Chikara is a great setup

I also wonder if perhaps we're going to meet Tatiana this arc, considering that in the previous loop we learned that Chikara was interested in her. I'm not expecting it, nor am I expecting to meet any other Negators here, but given the setting, our most likely candidates are Tatiana, Top (Chikara's closest friend in the Union), and Kururu, as a high school romcom arc would most naturally transition into an idol arc. @wickedsick has made it clear they're partial to Kururu, but with his Panpanda handkerchief, Chikara's reunion with Tatiana feels like the most natural option I think

Of course, there is one more option for a returning character this arc that I think would be fun: 1999 is around the time that To You, From Me started, so there's a very good chance that Akira has re-entered the manga industry, and what better way to break the ice with a highschooler than by talking about their favorite media? I'd certainly love to see what kind of story Akira came up with on his own without the need to write a coded prophecy

Whoever else shows up this arc, my real hope is that Fuuko will gain some new perspective on her life: the life that she missed, the life that she wanted, and the life that she's still going to live, and that whatever she learns will ultimately bring her closer to Andy. Honestly I think it's just a shame that Andy's not here for this arc, the idea of him getting ridiculed for looking nothing like a highschooler again would have been so funny

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #4y1a reviews

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dragonyear · 3 months

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Shigure had created a new masterpiece. One that he would only share with select people. Hatori was on the top of his list for obvious reasons. He had even gone so far as to add illustrations to his new novel.

“ Haa-san, I've created a new novel! I'd like you to have the honors of being the first to read it. I think this one will be to your liking. After all, I made it with so much love && care. ”

:3c

Hatori set down the current stack of medical records in his hand. Though he only saw members of the Sohma family, he still ran the clinic and attached hospital which meant he had to oversee it. However, while paperwork seemed easy it was dreadfully dull. Which in itself was no problem for the dragon spirit, but he had an abnormally high workcentric nature. One might even term the doctor to be a workaholic. Hatori frequently only took breaks when Shigure was present because if he didn't pay the man attention he'd get up to no good. Or so he told himself.

This being the excuse he reasoned with himself as to why his pen was set down and he turned in his chair from his desk to face Shigure, glasses resting upon his nose as he did so. Amethyst eyes spying the novel with a rather telling cover on the front. Hatori knew that Shigure knew how he felt about his rather . . . risque novels and yet he brought it to the good doctor in the first place under the guise of being the first to read it. This meant the man wanted to gauge his friend's reaction to his work and who was Hatori to deny him that pleasure? He'd suffer through it and who knows? It might even be entertaining to do so. This in mind had the doctor reaching out, fingers gently prying the book from Shigure's offered hand and moving to sit on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, a hand resting in his lap as he cracked the book open.

Moment by moment, Hatori slowly turned the page as he read it, his only current expression being a soft gasp or a murmur here and there, he's mostly silent until he got a good way through this . . . adventure.

❝ You've managed to create something even more revolting than normal. ❞

#thalassancharm #sdgdfgfgd I AM SO SORRY FOR HIM but also not #shigure u knew what would happen

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3desiderium3 · 3 years

Text

For your love

chapter seven - I'll do whatever you want

[ series masterlist ]

previous chapter | next chapter

pairings : reader x damiano david

story summary : damiano and reader are in very loving relationship that sometimes almost too quickly becomes too toxic for anyone likings

chapter warning (s) : this is sad af i made myself sad once again , some strong language and violent behavior , mentions of alcoholism , suicide and depression

song recommendation - for your love

pov : 3 years ago

" I don't like him Y/N ! That guy just doesn't sit right with me ! " Y/N rolled her eyes at her boyfriend Michael . They had this heated argument that lasted for over an hour , because Y/N was going out with Thomas and Damiano .

Well .. Only Damiano ..

It was very clear to her that her boyfriend disliked that brown eyed god .

Y/N met Damiano through Thomas , her best male friend , maybe 2 weeks ago . But those 2 weeks ago seemed so far and so unreal .

She sometimes regretted not paying more attention to him that night .

Thomas and Damiano where driving around in Damiano's car while Y/N and Michael needed a ride to one party .

Back in those times Y/N was so in love with her boyfriend . She thought she was going to marry him . Be the mother of his kids .

At first Damiano seemed like an average person to her . She only saw him as potential band mate of her best friend . She was looking at him like she would any other acquaintance .

That night when they met felt like any other . She didn't felt sparks , she didn't felt butterflies nor did she noticed he wanted to flirt with her or something . The atmosphere was normal .

' I wanna be the first man you look at tonight

I wanna be stuck in your head and make you go wild '

The next time she hanged with him was at his house , along with Thomas of course . And even then she felt nothing towards him . No attraction . She was happy to have another male friend that is all . He was smart , charismatic , very interesting person to listen , he had a lot of interesting stories to share .

They weren't in touch . No texting or calls . The only time they hanged out was when Thomas arranged something . But soon that changed .

It was unplanned . Thomas couldn't hang , Michael was out of town and Y/N was bored .

So she simply texted him and they went out driving for hours in his car , playing music , laughing and having fun .

A lot of fun .

Basically that is how they started hanging out without Thomas . No one saw problem in it .

' I wanna drive you 'til the morning light and I wanna leave you alone in the middle of the night '

Damiano wasn't showing up any sort of deeper interest in her . He was very casual , calm and friendly . Y/N once told Thomas that she was glad that she met the person who is interested in her beyond just fucking her .

But boy she was wrong .

Maybe not the very first night he met her but after a while of going out Damiano became obsessed with Y/N .

He wanted to know everything about her , get in her head , under her skin . Just like she did to him . Suddenly they started hanging out alone every fucking day .

He had a thick notebook overfilled with drawings , portraits and sketches of her and her body , her hands , her eyes . .

He wrote songs for her . Poems . Songs splattered with his lust and desire all over their pages . ( just like he wrote for your love . )

It was driving Y/N's boyfriend crazy .

He started argues often and he was getting more and more possessive and scared for his relationship each day .

" I don't trust him Y/N . " She wished she listened to him on time . . .

Things where happening almost too fast , Y/N tried reassuring herself that what they are doing is not wrong .

I mean she cuddled with Thomas almost every day and he was also clingy . It was basically the same thing with Damiano . Right ?

Unlike her Damiano knew exactly what was going on . And in what direction it was heading . He wanted her . He craved for her . But only for pleasure .

' I wanna be a good man and see you smile

And I wanna swim between your thighs I wanna fuck you till you scream and cry . '

At first his only intention was to sleep with her but not even in a billion years he could imagine how deep in his mind she would be .

He had a tactic . Simply make everything appear natural , say a few comforting words to her , tell her something about how special she is , get what you want and try slowly to get out of that situation between the two of you before she realizes something . It worked every time .

Until this one .

They where slowly growing closer together . They spent an entire month cuddling , hanging out , playing with each others hair , driving , singing and making a strong bond .

" His intentions are not clear I can feel it ! " " Well I can't ! He wants nothing more than to be friends with me ! What do you want from me Michael ? To stop seeing my friend ? " " No . That is not what I am asking from you . But I expect you to know that it is bothering me and you stop . "

That is how any conversation between Y/N and Michael went . They grew cold , became strangers , one was fighting for their long lost love while the other was lost in the grip of the heartless lover .

Y/N started being depressed again . She became so limb and so distant from everyone .

Her state only increasing the fights between Michael and her . Damiano was not like it . .

He understood her . . .

The day he kissed her for the first time was December the third .

On that very same day he slept with her too . On that very same day she cheated on Michael .

It was weird . Y/N almost regretted it .

She coudln't describe how it was . She only remembers the rain outside pouring on that cold day . How the only light in that dark , black and Prussian blue room came from the muted TV . The room was warm . It was smelling so much like Damiano . It was sweet smell .

He was sitting on the edge of the bed , hugging Y/N by her waist . Both of them in their underwear . His head on her stomach as she was carassing his hair . His hands where rough , yet loving and gentle , he in fact was rough on a very gentle way . He made love to her like a man .

Every each time was better . The more they talked and discussed about their likings . Creating memories before or after being intimate .

' I wanna hold you in my arms tonight

For your love I'll do whatever you want . '

Ten days later Y/N broke up with Michael .

With an excuse that she was not completely ready to devote herself to them .

Instead she was laying in Damiano's sweaty arms , who held her close as she was gently caressing his chest and biceps . He talked so sweet . So interesting . So mysterious . So deep . Like he held all the answers to all her questions . He was amusing her .

Days slowly turned into a month . A whole month of disaster . Michael was right .

Damiano is bad news .

" Come here , let me hold you . "

He spoke those words in raspy voice after each time they had sex .

" Amore . . Amore "

' For your love I'll do whatever you want

I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

Damiano always had time for her . At any time of the day .

Often even leaving his friends to go and see her .

Back then Y/N didn't understood this but the only bond she thought she had with him . .

Was just sex .

Nothing more . Pure sex .

All those memories they made , like looking at his childhood pictures , visiting his villa on the north of the Italy , going out to other cities etc ..

Those memories existed only before or after they've been intimate .

Damiano started to feel something . Something deeper than just desire for lust .

But unlike Y/N who also felt it he was scared of it . He didn't want it . He didn't want to admit it .

He was slowly falling in love . But for whatever selfish reason that he had , he couldn't be with her at that time .

He started to think about her every day , every night . Every second he had in those 24 hours .

" You ruined my life you fucking idiot . Look what you've done to me . You ruined me . "

He would say in joking tone to her . Only making her laugh and roll her eyes but he was so far from joking .

He simply got scared of his feelings .

She was not like other girls he had . And it was not some made up quiche move , it was truth .

She wasn't selfish .

She gave her whole being to him . Blindly .

Thinking he would do the same .

But no .

One day , he just started growing cold . It was a slow and painful process but Y/N felt it . She felt that winter . He always had an excuse for his behavior .

No one knew about their little special relationship . Y/N was left alone to think about everything that has happened between them so many sleepless nights .

' So baby why don't you please me now

I've got so much I can give to you . '

" I simply can't continue this tempo . This is something that became a mental gymnastic to me . This . Us . Our relationship . You happened to me when I was an emotional disaster . However you are a very dear to me . You mean a lot to me and I don't wanna lose you . I wanna continue hanging with you but we must not sleep with each other more . "

" Why are you feeling like this Damiano ? Our relationship is not that complicated . "

" Well to be honest Y/N we don't have a relationship . "

" Then why are you finding all this so stressful ?"

And so one day .

He just left .

He disappeared .

Stopped answering her calls , responding to her messages . Gone .

Y/N was desperate . Under the hard influence of alcohol and self harm again . Feeling like she was trapped in a slow motion movie .

Nothing was clear . Nothing was okay .

Why he left and where he was ?

' For your love I'll do whatever you want

I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

She had no one to talk to but Thomas .

She came to his house one night .

It was January . It was cold . She was bleeding from all the wounds her heart tried to stich .

Sobbing she knocked on his door .

Three hours later she was in his hoodie , tightly wrapped in his embrace with puffed eyes and trembling lips . He was kissing her temple from time to time . Ice cream boxes beside the bed and her favorite movie in the background .

On his bed there was a mess made of used white tissues .

" Sometimes when people are scared they leave . " Thomas said . " Why ? " " It is easier . "

She had a sleepover at his house that night .

She hardly feel asleep . Feeling a bit better after finally opening up to someone .

Thomas was burning in rage . He was mad at both of them . More on Damiano tho , it took him a short amount of time to realize she was just being used .

January slowly ended .

And Damiano was back in town .

Y/N was starting to get over him and the fact she was feeling on her skin her mothers words.

' All boys are the same they only want to use you .'

She was getting ready go go out and hang with her friend . When suddenly on her phone screen appeared long time not seen notification .

'ykaaar sent you a message : Hey can you hang ? '

She dropped her phone on the sink .

Feeling mixed emotions of anger , sadness and excitement .

And in not less than 10 minutes she canceled her friend and she was already in his car waiting for answers .

' So tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby . '

" I was confused . And scared . You are the first woman that made me feel like this . I still mean it when I say I want you in my life . I just needed some alone time to clear my head and think . And I had plenty of time and space to do it . "

He took her palm in his hands kissed it and brought it close to his face . She was breathing hard . Was this really all she was waiting all this time ?

" I wanna be with you Y/N . I wanna commit to you . But I can't . I am not sure I am ready . I don't want to fail you . . What do you want from me Y/N . Why do you care for me so much ? "

" Damiano .. You are in my life with a purpose . For a certain reason . I won't let you go . I won't let you leave me . You mean to me so much as a person and even beyond that words can describe . Too much emotions , time and energy is spared on you than it was supposed to be ."

They sat in that car for hours . Talking . Crying even a bit . But at the end of the night they where in peace . In love .

January ended . February almost passed .

Winter was sharp and cruel .

' Tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby

Tell me what you want, I'll give you what you want baby . '

But despite that Damiano and Y/N went against it . They started dating officially . In private first few weeks .

Måneskin was having a rehearsal . They took that as an good opportunity to announce everyone the good news .

" I can't belive this . Y/N you are so fucking dumb ! " Thomas shouted at them .

The studio was silent . Ethan had his eyes wide open from shock . Victoria was sitting with her hands in her lap looking at the ground .

" What is your problem Thomas ! I thought you where going to be happy cause of me ! "

" And why would I be ?! What is it so good that you did to make me happy ?! You hooked up with him after everything ! After all those crying sleepless nights , all those public panic or anxiety attacks you had , all that alcohol that you drank !While he was out fucking some girl and not giving shit about you ! "

" Thomas that is en- " " Don't interrupt me ! "

He picked up his jacket and back pack .

" I was there for you then . And just then . But now when I see that you are repeating the same fucking mistake I am not so sure I would be there for you the next time . Don't come to my place crying how he hurt you cause we all know he would . "

He left the studio dramatically leaving everyone silent . Barely 3 minutes passed and he was storming back in inside .

" Oh yeah and another thing Damiano . You might be a good singer but that does not mean we are going to tolerate you just for that . I created Måneskin with Vic and I have every right to either kick you out or leave myself . "

He lighted a cigarette . " I do not want lying manipulators in my surrounding . "

Many years later after that day Y/N regretted being mad at her friend for taking that silly thing so personal . But her friend saw beyond every border she could ever see .

Thomas knew Damiano very well .

And he knew he was no good news .

' Because baby for your love I'll do whatever you want

For your love I'll do whatever you want I'll do whatever you want, for your love . '

A/N i wanna write a chapter based on a song i wanna f*cking tear you apart by she wants revenge . give me ideas about what i should write in that chapter along with the song .

taglist : @ella-nordstrm3 , @urskaa , @lovelysaltyland , @littleachaos , @whoreforhenrycavill , @13journals , @onceuponparrilla , @21nell , @davedace101 , @vainbimbo , @aliyeaz , @vandafabryova , @miriampraez , @foggyhottubcrusade , @daringovangel , @inr89 , @fanfictioncafe , @mrsllshhb , @over-themoon ,@theclavvofaraven , @annika0-o , @thxtsclxssified , @goddessofthem0on , @ellabeth , @vandafabryova , @boredvick , @paulasdodo, @damianoaf , @angeliquekalampoka , @coffee-and-blueberries , @yellowflickervic , @thatweirdesichick , @wildxxwolf , @mentally-dating-rosa-diaz , @moriro-da-regina , @scruffiejelly ,@lara-sky , @tryymebitch , @yourchicken10 , @thxtsclxssified , @klotsoskoufi , @l0standn0tf0und , @olivera-gajic

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skys813 · 3 years

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Discovery

Chapter 5 (Arc Finale)

Me: Before we start, is there anything you'd like to say, Anxiety?

Anxiety: *gives me a hard look and then looks away* No.

Me: I see. Let's begin, then. Over the past couple of weeks we've been struggling to deal with a new possibility. I'm aware that in every happy reality Research conjured for us we were in a romantic relationship with implied sexual undertones. The new possibility suggests that we don't find a romantic or sexual partner in the future. Up until now it's only been a vague suggestion, however, after further examination, I thought it would be best to bring it to the council's attention as a legitimate possible plan for the future.

Anxiety: I don't see why this is relevant given that Sexuality is obviously a lesbian. Haven't we been over this already?

Me: Actually, we haven't. That was a suggestion you made, not a fact of life. Which brings us to our first issue; determining Sexuality's true orientation. I'd like to bring some memories to the front if you don't mind. Let's start with a few questions I asked after I first learned what sex was. "Do I have to? Can I be married without doing it? Can I have kids without doing it?" Our first reaction was aversion. Of course, that's normal at the beginning, but those feelings never went away. Instead, it changed to reluctant acceptance that this is what would happen to us. The truth is that we never felt sexual attraction towards anyone, regardless of their gender. We knew instinctively we wouldn't like sex in any form, but we pushed the feeling down and convinced ourselves that it'd be fine and we'd just have to do this for love.

Love: Is that not true? The only lifelong bond that allows us to be as invested and dedicated as we wish to be is a romantic one. Friendship can be strong, but it's not the same, Sky. We would not be prioritized the same way, you can't expect that of someone. If they have a romantic relationship with someone else, they have to prioritize that person above you, regardless of how close you get. Only a romantic bond guarantees you that level of trust and faith in each other. The exclusivity.

Me: I understand and accept that we wouldn't always be prioritized above the person's romantic relationship, but the rest is simply not true. It's possible. Research, if you'd be a dear, and pull up the definitions of a Queerplatonic Relationship and a Zucchini.

Research: A Queerplatonic relationship is defined as "a committed relationship that is neither romantic nor sexual in nature but is based on an emotional bond beyond friendship, often between aromantic and/or asexual people" (AVEN, General FAQ, Definitions). "A zucchini is a partner in a queerplatonic relationship. The commitment level between partners is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship, but with platonic love. Zucchinis may be of any romantic or sexual orientation" (AVENwiki).

Me: Thank you, darling. As you can see, it's entirely possible. In fact, it's so possible and has been felt and established by enough people that there are terms to describe the relationship we want. That's what we were looking for all these years, not some romantic relationship, much less a sexual one.

Anxiety: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you've only proven sexuality is ace. Romance has been on board waiting for Prince to show up since day one. And we already agreed that Sexuality's orientation would be irrelevant to us in such a scenario as we would want him to be fully satisfied in the relationship.

Me: Romance hasn't actually been very vocal about her desires, she's been going along with whatever you and Research determined would be the best scenario. Again, let's pull up some memory files. First, there was her "crush," which she picked out for us much like one would pick out fruit at a stand, and is also a shared experience among other aromantics. We were never jealous of his relationship with our best friend or hurt by it, but instead helped them with arguments and were happy for them when they were happy. She shies away from any possible romantic partners under the guise of obeying our parents and religion when we all know full well we're stubborn and reckless enough that if we had ever desired such a relationship we would've acted on it by now. But we haven't.

Anxiety: Because no one has been worth the risk! We just haven't had the chance to meet the right person and it was never the right time before. We were too young.

Me: No one? When was the last time you saw Romance actually consider anyone as a potential partner?

Anxiety: That's because we're waiting for Prince, no one else is worth considering.

Me: That makes no sense and you know it. We can't find him if we never look. And Romance isn't interested enough to look in the first place. The fact of the matter is that she hasn't been active since we finally settled comfortably in our relationship. We might not use fancy terminology, but that's the nature of the bond we established with our best friend. The meaning we agreed upon for the relationship is the same as the one listed for queerplatonic relationships.

Anxiety: It's just too risky, it's irresponsible to put all your eggs in one basket like that. Friendships are fragile and fleeting-

Me: So is every other relationship. Friendships are not less than other bonds, they're equal and valid and they are what you make them. I believe in this one.

Anxiety: Fine. Don't listen to reason, whatever. But you might want to consider Love's needs and that certain aspects of our dreams would be off the table right off the bat if we went along with this madness, such as children and the home life we were so desperate to create one day. That's a dream you can't deny. You can't adopt children in a platonic relationship, so unless you plan on being a hypocrite and going out to have sex, praying not to catch an STD, and hoping to get pregnant that way, children would be completely off the table for us.

Me: First of all, it wouldn't be hypocritical, asexual people can have sex. But I do agree that that option is extremely unappealing all around. However, it wouldn't be as big a deal as you're making it out to be. Our motherly instincts can still be fulfilled if we add the found family element; we'd build a group of friends and mother them just like we used to. Love, how do you feel about that?

Love: I want children. We've always wanted children, I can't let go of that dream overnight. Mothering some friends isn't the same, I don't know if it'll be enough. I can agree to build new visions and scrap the old ones and incorporate Sexuality and Romance's identities, but you can't ever expect me to stop wanting children. I'm sorry.

Me: Don't be, it's who you are. Thank you for being so understanding. Research, what do you think?

Research: To be absolutely frank with you, I'm glad this is who we are. No husband to tie us down, fewer responsibilities, financial independence. It spells out a lot of opportunities to explore the world that we might not have had otherwise. And, no offense, Love, but children are expensive as hell. Our horizons just quadrupled without that financial and emotional burden. I vote yes.

*an awkward pause where Anxiety fumes on the side and refuses to say anything*

Me: .......Anxiety?

Anxiety: I'm the one who played the dreams. Are you happy now? You were right all along, and I was wrong. We're aro ace.

Me: I know.

Anxiety: *head snaps up* What?! You knew? How? And how long have you known? Why didn't you say anything?

Me: I think the meeting's done now, let's continue this privately. Love, Research, please act according to the council's decision and inform everyone of the verdict. Thank you. Anxiety, walk with me, darling.

Then.....

Sexuality blinks sleepy eyes open and looks around. Someone is by her bedside that she's only ever seen from afar. She tentatively lifts her hand and runs her fingers through Libido's hair. Her birthmate. What was she doing here? Libido stirs and murmurs something incoherent in her sleep before slowly opening her eyes to look back at Sexuality. Libido smiles softly.

Libido: You're finally awake. *jerks up frantically* Oh shit, you're awake! Oh my God, how're you feeling? Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Who do you want me to get for you? Do you want some water? Of course you want some water, what am I thinking-

Sexuality grabs Libido's sleeve as she makes to get up. Libido looks back, concerned and on the verge of panic. Sexuality shakes her head and tugs Libido back to her side.

Libido: Are you sure you don't want me to get you some food and water? You've been out of it for a while.

Sexuality shakes her head again and tugs Libido back down into her chair.

Libido: Okay, then. Um. Let's see, how do you usually communicate with Romance?

Sexuality: *gestures in sign language*

Libido: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. I don't know any signs though. Do you want me to get Research? They might be able to translate. Actually, they'll know what to do about all of this and what you need and-

Sexuality grabs and squeezes Libido's hand and she falls silent. Sexuality smiles briefly and shuts her eyes.

Libido: Oh. You're tired, yeah, that makes sense, too. Sorry about all that. Go back to sleep, sweetie. I'll notify the others when you're ready.

It was a while later before Libido realized that Sexuality had been fully aware and responsive during those few minutes without throwing up. On top of that, she'd made contact with Libido without any noticeable harm befalling her. Sexuality was, at long last, fully recovered.

Meanwhile.....

I walk with Anxiety down to his room. It resembles a library, but instead of books, there are notebooks, each and every one of them filled to the brim with scribbles and half-finished thoughts.

Anxiety: Welcome to my lair, oh annoying one. Have a seat.

Me: I think we need to discuss why you're so against us being aro ace.

Anxiety: I already made it very clear-

Me: The real reason, Anxiety.

Anxiety glowers at me for a few minutes. I don't look away and he finally backs down grudgingly.

Anxiety: *sigh* Do you remember what we were like when we were a kid? What we thought of ourself?

Me: How can I forget? I was the brattiest, most arrogant child I've ever had the displeasure of having to think about.

Anxiety: *shakes his head* I mean before Prince, specifically. We were in a low place and we had accepted that we would die old, bitter, and alone. I just don't want us to go back to that again. It was devastating enough the first time around for all of us. At least like this, it would've only hurt Sexuality and Romance.

Me: Anxiety, listen to me. We are not who we were five years ago. That vision of the future was built on self-hatred and hopelessness, that's why it looked like a doomsday vision. This time we're rebuilding to take care of ourself and every aspect of who we are. We don't have to sacrifice Sexuality and Romance to be happy. We can just build a future that makes all of us happy by accommodating them too. We would've never been happy if we'd tried to suppress them.

Anxiety: *shakes his head stubbornly* We can revert right back to where we were, not enough has changed, not nearly enough. I've just collected more reasons to hate ourself since then, there's no guarantee it won't happen.

Me: *eyes sharp, trying to casually scan the notebooks* There is one thing we could always do..... If you'd allow us, I mean.

Anxiety: *torn between hope and trepidation* Like what exactly?

Me: Burn them.

Anxiety: *stands up and positions himself between me and the nearest shelf* Get out. Get out right now!

Me: *stays seated calmly with my eyes fixed on his* Only the notebooks where you write all our faults. The memories would all stay intact. All your other notebooks would stay exactly where they are. I'm only suggesting we let go of the guilt. Those notebooks are as old as I am, cataloging every tiny mistake we've ever made, every embarrassing thing we've ever done, every regret. You're absolutely right, we can't move forward until we've let go of all of that. We have to move forward, Anxiety. The council has come to a decision. Something has to give or we really might revert back to what we were before.

Anxiety: Then we would've learned nothing! Do you want to repeat all the mistakes we've made?

Me: A gentle reminder that you're the reason we made some of the more serious mistakes.

Anxiety: Don't you think I know that? That's why I refuse to let go of them. If we never forget, if we never stop regretting them and feeling guilty for them, then we'll make up for it and we'll never do those things again.

Me: Darling, that's ridiculous. You do realize that you've written down things as small as chopping the wrong vegetable by accident at our job, right? And the serious errors in judgment are almost all from our childhood, from years ago. We've grown, we've changed, and we're past that now. We can't stay this way forever, hating ourselves for every tiny inconvenience we've ever caused anyone. Please, Anxiety, we have to burn those notebooks.

Anxiety: No. You don't understand. We can't! No! *clutches at his head and his breathing becomes shallow and rapid* I can't. You can't. I can't.

Me: Anxiety? *gets up slowly* Are you okay?

Anxiety: No! We can't! We'll never be good enough. We'll never be happy. You can't erase the past. We're horrible, can't you see that? So horrible. Horrible. Horrible!

I notice a smoky shape formed behind Anxiety, whispering in his ear and grinning at me. The time for conversation is over. I carefully sidestep Anxiety who is too wrapped up in his sobbing to notice my movement and try to punch at the shadow. My hand goes right through it. Right, then. Those notebooks need to burn. Now. I step behind them slowly. The creature turns to watch me but continues whispering to Anxiety. I reach for a random notebook to test out the waters. No reaction besides a widening smirk. Good. I quickly scan through the notebooks until I find the section I need before looking up again. The shadow is still, watching me with a contemplative frown while Anxiety drops to hug his knees and hide his face as he cries. I collect the notebooks loosely in my arms, carefully noting how tense the shadow is getting. It stands between me and the door. I had a feeling it would find a way to stop me if it wanted to, smoke or not. I edge my way back to the table and set the notebooks down. The creature relaxes. I sit down and pretended to start reading one. After a few moments, it loses interest in me and goes back to tormenting Anxiety. It starts to whisper faster, progressively more aggressive. When it looks to be distracted enough, I grab the notebooks and run. I hear a shriek of anger not long after but it doesn't follow me. I run and run until I reach the common room and dump the notebooks on the floor.

Me: Research, get over here! I need lighter fuel! Love, if you could grab a lighter for me, that'd be great! Now!

They get up from the couch without a word and go about getting the requested items as I start tearing the notebooks apart. By the time they get back, I've torn haphazardly through the notebooks and stacked them in a hollow pyramid shape. Research douses them all and I give Love a handful of paper to light before I carefully place them under the rest and watch the fire spread. Anxiety rushes into the room with a much-faded version of the shadow I'd seen behind him, but by then even the topmost of the pyramid had caught fire. The creature shrieks and Anxiety faints into Research's arms.

Research: *sighs* I should've known something like this would happen. I'll take him to the infirmary.

Love: What just happened? Who's Research taking to the infirmary and what did we just set on fire?

Me: Don't worry, Love, everything's going to be okay now. C'mon, let's sit down and I'll tell you everything.

Then.....

Romance jerks awake gasping and clutching at her neck and chest and starts coughing. Sensuality rushes into her room and gives her a crushing hug.

Sensuality: You're alive! You're awake! Oh thank God, I won't be left with just Aesthetic for company!

Aesthetic: Hey! I can hear you, you know. And good grief, get off her before you really kill her. Welcome back, Romance. How're you feeling?

Romance: *gestures for water*

Sensuality: I got you, just a second. *runs out of the room*

Aesthetic: *hands Romance her board and marker* Figured you'd have a lot to say after being out of it for so long. Wanna elaborate on the whole "help Anxiety" message you left? Cause it really didn't help, for the record. What'd you want us to do, tie you and Sexuality up and dump you in the basement for him?

Romance rolls her eyes as Sensuality comes back in and accepts a glass of water with a quick nod of thanks. She downs the whole glass in three giant gulps and sets it down before relaxing back against her pillows a bit. She starts writing.

You're both idiots, for the record. I bet you didn't even try to figure out what I meant, just sat around worrying as usual. It's alright, someone must've figured it out since I'm awake now. We'll all hear the story in detail, I'm sure. Right now, though, I'd much rather discuss Sexuality. Is she okay?

Sensuality: Well......I mean, she's definitely safe now, we made sure of it, right Aesthetic?

Aesthetic: *nods her head with a smile* Don't worry, Romance, we took care of our little sister. She's safe.

Romance: *relaxes a bit more*

Good. At least you did something right. Who's guarding her? Libido, right?

Sensuality: *shocked* Yeah, actually, how'd you know? I thought you'd be upset.

Romance: *smiles* *writes*

They were never meant to be apart. They're different, but they're still birthmates. You know how strong that bond is. They'll figure it out. They just need time. We all do.

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