#is this a vent? idk kinda im just gonna tag it just in case | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boy-bi · 3 years

Text

a little vent

i know this is mostly a lgbtq positivity and education account but i really just need to vent tonight. jesus fucking christ its hard to be queer sometimes. i dont know if i have any coherent thoughts or any way to really sum this all up but its so hard and isolating sometimes. i just want to love. i just want to be me and i cant fucking do that without being reminded of how hard it is. i was listening to the kurtis conner podcast from a couple weeks back while i was at work and he has a little advice section and it was a young queer kid asking for advice on how to deal with a homophobic religious father who has been great except for how homophobic he is. ofc kurtis is a cishet man so he kinda was just like "damn that rlly sucks im sorry idk what to say" (im paraphrasing and this is not a callout post or anything im just giving background) and it fucking broke me. like i dont go half of what anon goes through but it really resonated with me. my younger sister came out recently and the way my mom has brought it up just breaks my heart. she's supportive and what not but its just like.... she doesn't see her the same way. she never will. and its the same for my extended family and im so fucking sick of it. and the worst part is i cant change anything. this isnt some fucking disney channel original movie where everyone realizes that gay people are normal and everything is okay; me coming out would forever change my family dynamic and there's nothing I can ever do about it. i was again reading some fanfic and boom outta nowhere it talked about how hard it is to be gay and it hurt my fucking soul again. like I cant even consume media that represents me without being reminded of how shitty the world is. i just wanna love. i just want to be like straight people and just love. but I cant. idk if this is defeatist or just a small set of experiences that will change when im older, but this is all I've ever known. and this is literally one of the better case scenarios; im not in danger, im out to a bunch of my friends, and there are so many queer people who have it so so so so much worse than i do. but im just tired.

ig i wanted to share this for a couple of reasons. i feel this blog sometimes romanticizes queerness in an irresponsible way. i repost happy and educational things because i don't want people scrolling through to be sad, and to not constantly feel weighed down and hollowed by the realness of the world. but its important for u all to know that i do not live a fairy tale queer experience, and for anyone who feels similarly, you are not alone. i guess i also posted this for advice or a cry of help for sorts. i need someone to tell me that it gets better. that this feeling goes away or gets easier to manage. i don't want to live my life with the ever-present thought of "being straight would be easier" in the back of my head. sometimes i feel so isolated and lonely with all of this stuff and it gets too much to bear.

anyways, that's my vent. pls lmk if i need to tag anymore trigger warnings, i tried to do the best i could. i doubt anyone is, but if anyone is worried pls do not be, i am safe and okay.

idk how to end this long ass post. im sorry for how depressing this post is. im just tired. im tired of hating myself, im tired of fearing for how my relationships have/will change, im tired of this stupid ass planet, im tired of not being able to love, and im tired of crying. i wish i could end this on a good note, and there are so many positives!! like we are living in the most progressive age and things have gotten so so so so so much better. but sometimes i wish i could just be straight, or live my life like a straight person does. i know im gonna look back at this and cringe or whatever, but irdc. sorry to vent to strangers on the internet, but if any older queer people could give me advice or their thoughts, i would rlly appreciate it. anyways, i love u all and i hope u guys have a good night <3

#tw interalized homophobia #tw homophobia #tw vent #vent post #queerness #lgbtq youth #bisexual #queer #lgbtq+#lgbtq #queer community

3 notes · View notes

shutupmisha · 6 years

Text

I got tagged in a thing a long time ago and I’m procrastinating an essay so I’ll finally do it!

1. Name/Nickname: Misha

2. Gender: Female

3. Star sign: Libra

4. Height: 5'5 or 5′6, somewhere in between

5. Hogwarts House: Slytherin

6. Favorite animal: Jellyfish

7. Hours of sleep: oh man I’m either running on 14 hours or 3 theres no in between

8. Dogs or Cats: I like dogs but I think I prefer cats

9. Number of Blankets: A comforter and an extra at the foot of my bed, just in case (But when I have to wake up early I sleep with no blankets at all, or else I get too comfy and don’t wake up)

10. Dream trip: I want to go to St. Petersburg, but I also realllllyyyy want to travel in the UK!! Like I want to see places like Tintern Abbey in person bc im a huge literature nerd

11. Dream job: an author, but I’ll be happy if I can become a teacher (which is my more realistic, money making option)

12. Time: 9:50 pm

13. Birthday: September 27th

14. Favorite Bands: The Front Bottoms, Ramshackle Glory (and basically any band that had Pat the Bunny), Together Pangea, Modern Baseball, FIDLAR and Hollywood Undead

15. Favorite Solo Artist: Pat the Bunny Schneeweis probably or maybe Alice Glass?

16. Song Stuck In My Head: Shelter by Ramshackle Glory

17. Last movie I watched: To the Bone

18. Last show I watched: lmao I dont even know but it was probably Law and Order

19. When did I create my blog: a long ass time ago. i’d have to check but I think it was early 2012?

20. What do I post/reblog: Kind of everything? Memes and jokes from shows I watch and things I find pretty every so often?

21. Last thing I googled: “los angeles population” ( for the paper im writing)

22. Other blogs: Oh man I have a shitload of other blogs, including @misharambles which is my vent blog, @mishascollegeadventures, which is the stupid shit I hear as a college student, and then I have a few aesthetic blogs that I keep separate from this one

23. Do I get asks everyday: No, but I welcome them!!!

24. Why I chose my url: Because I need to shut up

26. Followers: only 271

27. Lucky number: hmmmm I guess the number 6 and 21

28. Favorite instrument: I don’t play an instrument but I did try piano for a bit and that was cool, but I love violin!! When I hear violin I just kinda melt

29. What am I wearing: I feel like shit so Im wearing leggings and a high school shirt from 2013 (yikes)

30. Favorite food: shit idk I like wings and pasta a lot

31. Nationality: American

32. Favorite song: shit thats a hard one but I guess my top few are Maps and Twin Sized Mattress from the Front Bottoms, First Song Part 2 and Face the Void by Ramshackle Glory, Harmony Parking Lot by Johnny Hobo, and Glorious Shipwreck and Anarchy of Dirt by Pat the Bunny Schneeweis

33. Last book read: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

34. Top three fictional universes I’d like to join: This one is tough and I’m gonna sound like the weeb piece of shit nerd I am no matter what I say. So I guess, in no particular order, maybe One Piece, LotR or LoZ

Okay so I’m supposed to tag 5 people, so @ceraynay @hippocriticaloath @joshuaisokay @tegansdyingtoknow and @opossumkid67

#ask meme #long post #tag others

1 note · View note

arvoze · 7 years

Photo

man, this was sent like, nearly 2 weeks ago or w/e, and i completely ignored it bc i didnt have the energy/ability to care (you literally sent these when it was between 1 - 2am my time) but, it was recently brought to my attn that you put both me + lal in your byf (because i.... banned you from a server i guess, and that means lals at fault too?) so.

i guess it’s high time i answer this lmao. maybe you wont even see this. maybe youll vague abt me for the next few weeks and try and make me out to be a bad person, but i dont care lol. anyways this is under a cut bc its pointless drama i guess. ask 2 tag

additionally: this isnt rly meant to act as a callout post. but since u asked on anon (and im pretty sure we’re mutually blocked) i cant really talk about this privately. this is mostly just.. well. answering your question. ive written this little paragraph after i’ve written everything below, so like, idk dude, it happens sometimes, i get rly heated abt shit and then cool down after a while. so this is wild.

edit: i havent read this thru nor do i care about reading it through. are there a bunch of typos? probably. dont care though

i dont rly have the energy to pull up Everything esp because that lke.... requires going thru so many discord messages adn i really just. dont care enough to sift through everything

“but if u dont care why are you writing this” shut up u wanted answers didnt u lol

nyways heres just . some shit lmao

man firstly let’s deal w your post abt my server

+ dont worry! ive got it archived in case u delete it bc who knows what ud do lol. nyways

lets just do some breakin apart on this:

i was lterally shaking at the time and having my OWN panic issues but i guess you dont rly take that into consideration lol?

this is one of the biggest exaggerations like ... you made it sound like the server was some big special place jdfghdkj theres literally 4 mods and 2 of them didnt even talk to you. the other 2 were me and lal

like half of the server isnt even fucken active on the server and the majority of the other half dont even care about unfollowing/blocking u. what a wild assumption. thts the funniest shit 2 me

please you literally sent me 3 asks when it was way too early in the morning 4 me expecting me to reply as if it was possible for me to give u all the reasons in like 10 minutes jesus christ

ths is one of the ugliest posts ive ever seen + this was posted before you were banned frm the server. several ppl in the server have bpd + i was absolutely not willing to have smeone who says this sht abt their illnesses around (re: the whole “not actively in therapy” and shit. fuck off lol)

here’s some other stuff on my list that you might remember:

(kin stuff) being fully aware that my brother wasn’t - and still isn’t - okay with doubles with a specific character, and that you were specifically warned whilst he was offline, and you knew this was the case, yet decided that your best way of explaining something was..... fuck dude, whats the wording you used? “i’d say but some people here aren’t ok with doubles” or some shit which is! literally just as bad! and tht shit has fucked my bro up so severely tht he still fuckn..... thinks abt + the shit uve said In General (shrugging emoji)

heres a fucken wild ride for u: ur the reason he left th server anyways and why the second i banned u i was immediately happy because holy shit i can talk to my bro again bc i could invite him back! to a chat where he doesnt have to deal w someone who causes him constant panic attacks! wowee

lets not forget me expressing my extreme distaste of lying [person] + r.idged.og + ridg.epho.s but u completely ignoring that shit (+ wowie remember when u said lying was yr friend and that you didnt like me venting negatively abt them bc my nasty experiences r somehow less important than ?? tht shit??? lol anyways)

god the entire fucking drama w the lying shit . i cant believe i was on yr side for a while jdfghkj. that whole fiasco was so shitty. nyways thts nothing to do w me its just something that made so many ppl uncomfy

remember when you left the lying chat and then vented to us about shit but then rejoined the lying chat unbeknownst to us + caused shit again (surprise, i know about that)

you, generally, made several people uncomfortable (myself included), and as the owner of the server, i’d much rather kick one person from the server than have several people being uncomfortable. but if that’s an unreasonable thing to do then please, inform me, because that’s news to me.

whilst i dont support alex or alex’s partner in any way, shape or form (before u try and call me a fucken apologist/supporter/whatever lol), the blatant deliberate misgendering of alex’s partner on your byf was extremely shitty of you (which has since been fixed, but yikes).

(kin stuff) pretending to not be a double around lal, knowing he’s not comfortable with doubles (which, maybe you’re not! but given you’re kin w mc.ree + got that in your byf, and don’t have anything abt not follwing if ur x.phos in ur byf...... boyo)

god theres more but im not willing to dig up all the shit + also dont want to ask other ppl about their personal problems bc thats exposing them to a past/experience they probably want to forget about/never revisit

if u found this? congratulations. you got your answers.

if ur gonna vague abt me? go ahead. i dont really see what ive done wrong lmao.

also, re: why i didn’t tell you anything at all,

i was having a panic attack and almost throwing up

i kept trying to find reasons to keep you in the server, because i didn’t want problems to arise

i will literally never talk to ppl abt this kinda shit privately bc i dont want people to feel bad but 2 late

#jack dont look #bluespace #drama i guess but idk #ive been meaning to get this off my chest for a while but ehhh #i didnt talk abt the thing that pushed me to do stuff but its like ... not rly worth mentioning i guess #ths is sometthing ppl can skip over idc i just wanted to finally answer this

1 note · View note

holey-ghost · 6 years

Note

SHIT MOTHER OF FUCK yes hi hello I still love you oh shit have I said I love you before? Anyway I was like really sad and still am but like I haven’t written to you and I think about you all the time but I just saw that you wrote to me about being down and I’m still here I’m sorry this isn’t how I usually wrote to you like I’m usually all about grammar and shit but I’m too tired and sad to worry about it love you good night my night sky 💕 (i need a nickname for you??) -red hair, blue eyes

Im gonna put a read more so people don’t have to read the mess below it

ssshhhhhh its okay, I kinda stopped talking to you in the tags, if anything it’s my fault but whatever. If you’re sad because I’m sad it’s not worth it tbh but if that’s not the case why are you sad fuck ill fight whoever made you sad with my weak ass noodle arms idc (and if it’s brain stuff like anxiety or something ill shut that motherfucker down with positivity and LOVE just send me another ask if ur ok with that and vent and itll alllll be ok). I was going through my anon tag and all my posts abt you came up and I felt like I needed to talk to you so I did, even if it was self-centered and depressing as heeeell and honestly I had 0 expectations of you ever seeing it (as usual bc im stupid but whatever) and I can’t even tell you how happy I was (still am) to see your ask (especially with this shit week I’ve had, like something good actually happened in the midst of everything horrible). ALSO LIKE WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT GRAMMAR i sure the fuck don’t unless I care what people think but I am so fucking exhausted (and relieved that you also curse like fuck its literally one of my biggest insecurties bc i curse sooooo much and when I talk to people who don’t i feel so bad and just wow) that I don’t care so. yeah. ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU TOO i think I called you my moon in the tags once?? idk (i definitely know) i mean if you’re alright that................ but you’re the cutest and I love u more and u can fight me on that because ill win just ask alex (panicatttackkiss) we get in fights about how much we love each other alll the time and i always win (she won’t think so but whatever)

0 notes