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alexandros-ho-megas · 7 years

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Have you read Scott pressfield's novel about you? Hephaestion's portrayed as kind and intelligent, the book is centred around your military genius rather than Mary Renault style drama and romance and you're portrayed as brave and virtuous. If so did you like it?

And on the next exciting segment of Alexander the Greatest’s Long and Rambling Book Reviews About Himself…

DRUM ROLL

I actually do not mind this novel. Shock and awe, I don’t vehemently hate something! It’s not the epic that I would expect from a 1st person POV narration of my own life and has the emotional depth of a kiddie pool, but it isn’t offensive to me. Which seems to be the most I can ask for these days. And thank god Hephaistion is portrayed well, I love that about this book. Good job, Pressfield!

This book is interestingly difficult for me to analyze, since it’s 1st person POV from my perspective. But it’s not an internal monologue, it’s told to Roxane’s younger brother. What common sense should tell anyone is to be wary since I would be a very unreliable narrator if I am giving an account of my life to someone else. The tricky part is discerning whether Pressfield was deductive enough to realize this, and whether his book reflects that or not. I’ll leave it up to you all to analyze that yourselves.

There were some (unintentional) factual errors that would have been fixed with a more thorough reading of Arrian from Pressfield, but none of the magnitude I’ve seen in some other books about my life.

While I do appreciate that Hephaistion is portrayed well for fucking once in modern history, the part where we first meet was unintentionally hilarious and almost killed me for the second time:

Hephaestion himself sat the horse as if he were nailed to him. Spine erect,shoulders square, belly muscles working, he impelled the beast witha forward lean so subtle you could barely see it, and turned him withequal command, all with only his seat and legs. I flushed with shameto witness this, for it came to me, […] how little ofhorsemanship I knew and what a complacent and ignorant brat Iwas.

Alright, so this is slightly homoerotic. Let’s see what else happens…

Hephaestion still had not seen me, nor could I summon thetemerity to approach him. I thought him not only the handsomestyouth I had ever seen but the handsomest person of any age. I vowedto myself, “That boy shall be my friend. When we are grown, we willride together against the princes of Persia.”

Well, the author certainly isn’t wrong, but damn I’m being pretty obvious here. Sure, Hephaistion’s so handsome that I want to be friends with him. And we’ll do a lot of riding together when we’re older. Ahem.

I knew, there, in that ring, that this boyHephaestion would be my lifelong companion. I loved him with allmy heart and knew, as well, that he would love me. Nothing in theintervening years has altered that perception.

How sweet. Well, at least this author isn’t doing another awkward Oliver Stone-esque “no homo,” since he’s had me drooling over the very handsome Hephaistion riding a horse and saying that we loved each other.

BUT WAIT-

And let me putthis plain, for those of a depraved cast of mind: The love of youngmen is bound up with dreams and shared secrets and the aspirationnot only for glory but for that purity of virtue that their heartsperceive as soiled or degraded among the generation senior tothemselves but that they, the youth, shall reinspirit and carrythrough. This love is not so different from that of young girls foreach other; it has its physical element, but among those of noblemind, this is far superseded by the philosophical. Like Theseus andPirithous, Heracles and lolaus, like Achilles and Patrocles, youngmen wish to capture brides for each other; they dream not of beingeach other’s men, but each other’s best men.

This is literally the worst “no-homo” argument I have ever seen in my life/death. Let me just say that if I was narrating my autobiography and for some reason wanted to include a retroactive “no homo,” I would not use Achilles and Patroklos as shining examples of straight manly friendship. Yikes. Because in my time, that certainly was not the prevalent thought about their relationship (read some Plato and Aeschylus for reference). Or Herakles and Iolaos either, holy shit. That’s comparable to a modern person saying, “Well, my gal pal and I are strictly platonic. Like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia.”

Portray myself and Hephaistion as platonic or not, I really couldn’t care less as long as our relationship is portrayed well. But for fucks sake don’t pull a goddamn Alexander 2004 and have ridiculously obvious sexual tension and then produce the worst and least convincing “no homo” argument that somehow manages to be embarrassingly historically inaccurate. Because that stretches my suspension of disbelief even more than if someone said I was humble.

So while Pressfield does a good job with researching my battles, he remains ignorant of the cultural context wherein I was operating and failed to take that context into account since he was blinded by his imposition of modern values onto my life. This is a common problem not limited to him. But, taking modern cultural context into account, Pressfield was a Marine and DADT was repealed many years after this book was published, so it is completely unsurprising that the sexuality aspect of the book/my life is handled with the finesse of a 2 year old with a M240 Bravo.

But, while at points this book was as dry as the Gedrosian Desert, I was very pleased with its depiction of Hephaistion. And it was cute to end it with an eulogy to Bucephalus. I appreciated that.

Wait. Wait a minute. Holy shit, I have a depraved cast of mind.

I’ll end this review with a shoutout to my favorite quote in any book about me ever:

“You’re making my bung pucker, Alexander!” -Philotas (p. 271)

#asks #Alexander the Greatest #Hephaistion #so I know English isn't my first language BUT WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT LAST QUOTE #this book was so unintentionally hilarious #book review #Alexander's Long and Rambling Book Reviews

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jerdle-typology · 7 years

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Beatrice Chestnut sp4

Self-Preservation Fours The Self-Preservation Four is the countertype of the Four subtypes, and so it may be difficult to identify this person as a Four. Although this Four experiences envy like the other Fours, they communicate their envy and suffering to others less than the other two Four subtypes do. Instead of talking about their suffering, these Fours are “long-suffering” in the sense of learning to endure pain without wincing. These Fours are more stoic and strong in the face of their pain. Envy is less apparent in the Self-Preservation Four because instead of dwelling in and expressing envy, this Four works hard to get what others have that he or she lacks. Instead of hanging out in their longing in a way that prevents them from taking action, they strive to get “those distant things” that give them the feeling of being able to obtain that which was lost. Whatever they get, however, never feels like enough. Self-Preservation Fours do not communicate sensitivity, suffering, shame, or envy, though they may feel all these things and they have the same depth and capacity for feeling as the other Fours. They learn to swallow a lot without complaining. Endurance is a virtue for them, and they hope their self-sacrifices will be recognized and appreciated, though they don't talk about them very much. Like the other Fours, Self-preservation Fours feel a need to suffer in the unconscious hope that this will bring them love and acceptance; but unlike the other two, they suffer in silence. Their willingness to suffer without complaint is their way of seeking redemption without talking about them, hoping that others will see this, admire them for it, and help them to meet their needs. Instead of displaying the need to suffer, they have a tendency to deny their envy and bear too much suffering and frustration as a result. As Naranjo explains, the other two Four subtypes are too sensitive to frustration. They either suffer too much or they make you suffer too much (as a compensation for their suffering). The Self-Preservation subtype is the countertype Four because they go to the other extreme, developing a high capacity to internalize and bear frustration. They make a virtue of resistance to frustration. Self-Preservation Fours demand a lot of themselves. They have a strong need to endure, so they develop an ability to do without. They put themselves in situations that are tough. They test and challenge themselves. One of my clients with this subtype says that she “throws herself into the fire.” These Fours have a passion for effort- they engage in intense activity, and may often appear strained and tense. They may experience distress if their activity level slows down, and they can be compulsive about making efforts to achieve what they need to survive, even if their efforts don't take them anywhere. In some cases, they may not know how to live without the stress and pressure they put on themselves. They don't allow themselves the experience of living in or from their fragility. Just as the (countertype) Self-Preservation Three wants to be seen as successful but displays humility about the work they do because they believe outward displays of vanity make them less worthy of respect, Self-Preservation Fours internalize their suffering and strive to get what they want in a more autonomous way than the other Four subtypes. This Four tends to be a humanitarian with an empathic and nurturing disposition, someone who protests for the sake of others and is sensitive to the needy, the dispossessed, and victims of injustice. This is their way of projecting their pain outward, addressing int through others' suffering instead talking about their own. They try to take care of others' pain or work to ease the “suffering of the world” so they don't have to fully deal with their own suffering. While the other two Four subtypes can be dramatic, the Self-preservation Four is more masochistic than melodramatic. For this subtype, masochism is the ego or personality's strategy for getting love. Self-Preservation Fours devalue themselves in important ways, which can make it even tougher for them to do all the work they do to try to get the security and the love that they long for. Their attachment to enduring can be seen from the outside as masochistic, but it stems from a desire to earn love and acceptance through being strong and resilient. The motivation of this subtype stems from a desire for the parent to see that the child is not complaining, and instead is being a good boy or girl through not asking for very much. These Fours may also masochistically enact a need to prove themselves by working against themselves: they make efforts to get what they need and want, but unconsciously work against themselves at the same time. They can be impulsive, but they will control and inhibit their impulses to get recognition. They may want to be happy but they experience an unconscious taboo around happiness. They spend a lot of energy on being afraid of what's happening instead of dealing with problems and making improvements, so they habitually postpone actions necessary to achieving what the want and then blame themselves for doing so. The wear themselves out seeking and striving in ways and places where they know they'll fail, which ensures the perpetuation of a cycle of effort and devaluation. They may be ambitious, but they deny and work against their own ambitions. Formerly called “Reckless/Dauntless,” but more recently referred to by the name “Tenacity,” these Fours move toward activities that require a large capacity for endurance as a way to earn love, without regard for the pain or the danger they entail. This Four subtype resembles a One or a Three. Self-Preservation Fours' focus on autonomy, self-sufficiency, and working hard may make them look like a One; however, this Four feels a wider range of emotions- more ups and downs- than Ones,e even if they don't always express their feelings. Self-Preservation Fours can also look like Threes, especially Self-Preservation Threes, in that they work hard to achieve a sense of security and may be anxious; however, in contrast to threes, these Fours will often work at cross-purposes, unintentionally thwarting their own efforts, whereas Threes tend to achieve what they are working toward. Fours also feel their emotions more than Threes do. Interestingly, this subtype can also look like a Type Seven, which in some ways is the opposite of Type Four, because some Self-Preservation Fours express a need to be light. With all the enduring and efforting these Fours do, they may at times display the high energy characteristics of Sevens, and they may also have a need for fun and playfulness as an escape from having to tough things out all the time. This may account for the fact that there are some Fours who do not seem as melancholy as others- Fours that appear more “sunny” and lighthearted. However, these Fours can be distinguished from Sevens in their greater access to their emotions.

Marcy, a Self-Preservation Four, speaks:

"For much of my life it was difficult for me to feel my true emotions because they were so buried; it just wasn't okay to express emotions when I was growing up- the phase I internalized from my childhood was, “Just suck it up and move on.” Plus, I've always had a stubborn streak, as if I'm the only one who knows how to do something right. My colleagues used to think I was a One because of my need for perfection. And it has sometimes been really difficult for me to connect with the passion of Envy in a meaningful way. But one day when I was thinking of someone I admired and how I came up short by comparison, and I heard my internal voice say “You're not good enough,” I knew I was a Four. I really got the Envy bit then. Now my emotions arise more freely, in small impulses and bursts though, not like the bigger, wilder swings of emotions that you hear about with a lot of Fours. Although I've meditated for many years, it's still difficult to relax and to be calm in daily activity. It just seems like waste of time not be doing or accomplishing something. Even now when I feel my feelings, I catch myself trying to figure out what I can DO with them. I've always pushed myself to work hard to be successful because I wanted to prove myself by being really good at whatever I do and I have been fortunate in being rewarded for my hard work. I also see the idea behind the former name of the Self-preservation Four, Reckless/Dauntless, showing up in my behavior. In a way that seems to counter to “self-preservation” I have a penchant for spending money to buy fine things and help others out, sometimes more money than I make. (My mother used to say that I thought money grew on trees.) It's like I get this reckless feeling that money will always be there, so why not spend it on what I love? Plus, I tend to make snap decisions without really thinking it through. For instance, I left my job of 18 years and my 20-year marriage within a month of each other. Of course, the result was some pretty tough years but at least I began to feel my feelings!" Specific Work For The Self-Preservation Four on the Path from Vice to Virtue Self-Preservation Fours can travel the path from envy to equanimity by relaxing into their feelings more and sharing them with others, thereby allowing themselves more sources of internal and external support. Envy leads Self-Preservation Fours to believe thy have to go it on their own, but by actively seeking out help from others, they can allow themselves to have more room to breathe and relax. By consciously seeking to embody equanimity, these Fours can develop a place of peace inside themselves- allowing them to feel through and let go of their pain, allowing them to live more from their fragility, and healing what needs to be healed. Self-Preservation Fours actively release envy by not working so hard to prove themselves and instead allowing for more lightness, fun and pleasure. Rising above then need to suffer silently and tough everything out means going easier on yourself and allowing yourself to embrace all of who you are, not just your ability to endure.

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