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knightsickness · 8 months

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total drama cast ranked by how much i want to smoke with them

would feel actively bad making this guy smoke

24 alejandro already weird about food and his body in a not eating preservatives or dyes way i do not think he would smoke or drink. he would do cocaine but that’s not what we’re asking. wouldn’t participate and would have a bad time if he did. would be number one if the question was which total drama character do i want to talk to about orthorexia. also wayyy too much of a dick to be a good trip sitter he’d start trying to hypnotise me or some shit

23 trent i cannot imagine weed would make his paranoia less debilitating which sucks because i feel like all his friends smoke. cool guy not a stoner would hang out with him sober unless he brought his guitar

nightmare blunt rotation

22 cody brags a lot about how much he smokes and how much of a total nonevent this is for him takes one drag and coughs so hard he throws up. bad time for everyone

21 duncan keeps mentioning that he did ket before he came because he knew your shit was going to be weak as if you didn’t hear him (he doesn’t think you reacted enough the first time). just kind of an asshole

20 justin opposite to alejandro in one important way which is that i think he absolutely smokes. however i think weed would make him even more intolerable i think he’d be a buzzkill and kind of mean

whatever

19 izzy keeps describing the crazy horrific ‘hallucinations’ she’s having to try to freak everyone out and successfully convinces owen he can also see them. may or may not actually be high. only not in nightmare because i think if she did smoke she’d be relatively mellow

18 beth trying too hard to be funny acting way more out of it than she is. would annoy me i think

17 katie and 16 sadie would be whispering to each other the whole time and not really mixing with the rest of the group. they’d giggle until they had an incomprehensible falling out. they would still leave together

15 owen on paper ideal he’s chill he’s put more thought into the snacks than he has the weed. however i know he’d be farting constantly and apologising but still doing it and it would piss me off so bad i’d have to leave

14 sierra would be very giggly and her infodumping would be plagiarised from a video essay i watched last week. i would not call her out on it

13 noah ‘this is garbage i don’t feel anything’ -> catatonic

12 ezekiel not allowed to smoke weed but if he did it would change absolutely nothing about his behavior. this one’s just whether i would hang out with ezekiel and honestly i would

11 heather would get a headache and get snippy but i think she both has smoked before and would be pretty mellow. total middle of the road she’s fine

sure

10 gwen would be cool if i could talk to her about her art and bugs and dali but if she got one text from duncan or courtney or trent i think she would enter a paranoia death spiral. i would have to hide her phone

9 eva i think she’d be quiet but chill. inoffensive i think it would do her good

8 tyler would have a good time i think he’d be funny but would manage to grievously injure himself and then we’d be stoned in the emergency room and he’d panic

7 geoff cool guy definitely knows a guy but i think he’d be too much. i’d be greening out and he’d be crossfaded stood on the table. would be willing to put up with him for bridgette’s sake

6 courtney would tell me several times about how letting loose on one day actually allows her to be sharper and more productive for the rest of the week before going nonverbal. that’d be cool with me i know she needs it

5 leshawna she’s cool i want to talk to her about what she’s got going on. would stay relatively level-headed though i think she’d be annoyed by anyone acting up

dream blunt rotation

4 lindsay honestly can’t see a downside here. she would have a sparkly pink bong i would definitely smoke with lindsay

3 dj don’t think he smokes much but would socially. just a cool guy probably homemade food for the sesh. ideal

2 harold i want to watch star wars with harold stoned soooo bad. i’d let him infodump about the medieval summer camp he went to last year

1 bridgette chill into crystals and spirituality objective best choice. all her snacks are vegan she would smoke on the beach. nice and funny also only contestant i think was actually stoned on the show

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drawing-way-outside-the-lines · 2 years

Photo

Clayton Birch Alfalfa ‘Clay’ Humble *Supporting character

Voice Claim: (Pending)

Partner(s): None Parents: Marigold Blossom Humble & Flax Summers Kids: None Siblings: None Age: 17 (2022) Birthday: 7th of November Height: 171cm (5.6ft) Body type: Skinny. Eye color: Pale green. About: Mellow, Neutral, Noncompetitive, Questioning, Adaptable, Cheerful, Unfocused, Friendly, Considerate, Helpful, Inoffensive, Curious, Lovable, Patient, Confident, Observant and Playful. ~ Is very chill, down to earth and easy to be around. ~ Stoned as fuck. ~ Sexuality: *Shrug* ~ Hippie parents for the win! ~ Very close to them. ~ Calls everyone bro or dude. ~ Never remembers names. ~ Vegetarian, but cheats here and there. ~ Smells like: Weed and Patchouli. ~ Farts a lot. ~ Drives an old rusty bike he often crashes cause he‘s too high to pay full attention to where he drives. ~ Distracted easily. ~ Naps a lot. ~ No one calls him by his full name. ~ Had two twin sisters, but they died when they were only a year old. ~ Calla Flora and Chamomile Aurora ~ He was only 7 back then, so he doesn’t remember them too well. ~ Often stumbles over his words. ~ Awkward, but doesn’t notice it himself. ~ Septum piercing. ~ Always braids his front hair in two thin braids. ~ Plays with them when he’s bored. ~ Quirky. ~ Has chickens. ~ Can’t swim. ~ Dislikes direct sunlight cause he burns easily. ~ Good kisser. ~ Always looks and talks like he‘s about to fall asleep. ~ Nothing much bothers him, he‘s simply too high to care. ~ Lives with his parents. ~ Can’t whistle. ~ Eats M&M’s with a spoon. ~ Loves: Weed, salmon, peanut butter cookies, watermelon, M&M’s, eggs, bacon, poppy seeds, sunflower seeds, light rain, ponds and lakes, fishing, climbing trees, donkeys, poop emoji, pandas, kale, cabbage, radish, horse radish, turmeric, curry, garlic, onion, tomatoes, cucumber, rye bread, blueberries, skinny dipping in a back yard wooden tub at his parents place, Trout, honey, sesame seeds, peanut buttercups, cereal, chillin, feet rubs, gummy bears, Jay & Silent Bob, almond milk, soy milk, walnuts, having the munchies and grilled veggies. ~ His style is: Looks like he just arrived at Woodstock. ~ Just wants to chill.

Clay’s tag Clay’s house/home Clay’s moodboard Handwriting/ask answer pic:

One song to describe him: Afroman - Because I Got High Personal Playlist: 1. Wiz Khalifa - High Today feat. Logic 2. Snoop Dogg - Stoners Anthem 3. Cypress Hill - Hits from the Bong 4. Manu Chao - Me Gustas Tu 5. Bob Marley - Stir it up 6. Kid Cudi - Marijuana 7. Machine Gun Kelly - Mind of a Stoner ft. Wiz Khalifa 8. Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Dogg - Still D.R.E. 9. Will Smith - Gettin' Jiggy Wit It 10. D12 - My Band ft. Cameo

#Clay Humble #simographysup #ts3 #sims3 #sims 3 #simblr

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prorevenge · 5 years

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It was just a joke, you should love his sense of humor...

This lovely story is once again due to my mother's side of the family! And took place when mom was around 13 years old and still in the sea of corn fields that is rural Iowa.

Tim's parents were involved and they were horrified, and immediately took him out of school, mom told me that he was sent of to a super uptight catholic school that wasn't far away. He did reach out to my mom in adulthood to apologize, and it turned out there was some really bad home situation going on (creepy uncle). He's doing much better now. Mom sent him a fruit basket as a peace offering when he got married.

However the revenge isn't really about the kid.

No. The principal decided to be a dumb ass to my grandma in regards of the situation.

Once it was clear that Tim's parents were pulling him out of school, the Principal turned to my grandmother and laughed, "It was all a joke, you should really appreciate his sense of humor."

Tim's parents went wide-eyed and got out ASAP as my grandma began to chew him out for how my mom getting bullied, isolated, and assaulted was not apart of anyone's sense of humor.

And this is when the pro revenge started.

My mom is the youngest of 5, and 3 of her elder siblings were in the grades above her and in the same building. Systematically each sibling made issues for the school.

The eldest, that was still in school anyway, who was one of the lead singers in the choir and seen as a very trusted and perfect student, was well trusted by the teachers. Answer keys were lost, altered, and no one was the wiser. Teachers were under fire and unwilling to admit that they had a student helping them in their classes.

The second eldest who was a seamstress and a much more outwardly stubborn individual made it her duty to raise a big stink about anything that seemed even the littlest bit out of line. She grew to be an activist if that helps paint a picture. She complained that the food was horrible quality, that the playground wasn't safe, and that certain teachers were playing favorites.

And then there was my uncle. My uncle is the rebel of the family. He's probably more stereotyped as the stoner trouble maker type. He started vandalizing certain parts of the school. After a string of little pranks, he got caught putting a sticker on a fire alarm that said "pull and run".

The principal, growing increasingly upset about the trouble that was rising in his domain jumped on the situation and called a meeting between my uncle and my grandparents. My grandma strutted in like the boss bitch she was and listened to the principal foam at the mouth about all the pranks and other issues that my aunts and him caused.

Grandma smirked and shot of a single statement that quieted any sort of argument for the rest of my mom's elementary career.

"It was just a joke, you should love his sense of humor..."

He retired at the end of the year.

(source) story by (/u/IMajorInMagick)

#prorevenge #by /u/IMajorInMagick #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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metalchick19-blog · 5 years

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The Bowers Gang: What Piercings the Guys Would Get/Where

Belch: Belch has an insanely low pain tolerance, and so probably wouldn’t choose to get anything pierced unless the guys dared him to (which, with Patrick, is a very real possibility). Because of that, he probably wouldn’t have much control over where the piercing was, and would have to get it wherever the guys wanted just to prove he wasn’t chicken - Patrick would absolutely insist on his nipples.

Henry: Henry already has the only piercing he’s ever wanted to get - a stud in his left ear. He first started wanting one when he realized all the Hollywood “bad boys” had them (Christian Slater, Johnny Depp, etc.), and mainly only did it because he figured it would get him laid once he got into high school. Despite the fact that that never really panned out (it’s honestly not something a lot of people notice about him), Henry likes it anyway; it makes him look tougher in his own eyes, and he thinks it gives off the vibe that he’s not afraid of pain. He would probably consider getting more piercings if he were a bit more open-minded, but he tends to see every other possible place as “too girly.”

Patrick: Patrick would much rather watch someone get a piercing (or pierce them himself) than get one on his own body, but if he did, he would make sure it was in the most visible, outrageous place ever - he’d either want a hoop through his eyebrow so that people were forced to look at it, or a stud in his tongue so he could use it to surprise people (especially during kisses). The tongue piercing would be most likely though, just because Patrick would thrive off of sticking his tongue out and flicking it around (i.e. being a human serpent). Also, so many opportunities to incorporate it during sex.

Victor: Victor probably wouldn’t get a piercing under normal circumstances, but in the event that he had to get something, he’s always had one type in mind - he likes the look of industrial piercings, and would choose to get one through the cartilage of his left ear. Really, it’s just an inoffensive piercing that he feels would play up his intelligence a little; it’s striking and prominent, but just different enough that it would set him apart from stoner and gang types. Mainly, it’s original, and Victor appreciates that considering he’s always felt like his own person despite his circumstances.

#henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #belch huggins #victor criss #the bowers gang #the bowers gang headcanons #it

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jyeatesmiskin · 5 years

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The Box Pt 1

Grunge / 90’s Alt Rock

Origins

Grunge a form of Alternative Rock, was the fusion of punk rock (and its offshoots) and heavy metal originated in Seattle, Washington in America in the mid 80’s. The early days of the movement were kickstarted by the record label Sub Pop and by the mid 90’s the genre had spread nationwide in the US and was beginning to get international attention.

Most of the influential grunge bands were inspired by and very early on even ripped off 80’s punk and metal bands, by stealing then downturning and transposing riffs for a darker ‘grungy’ sound.

Characteristics

Musically, Grunge is a fuzzy, abrasive and guitar heavy form of Rock and Punk, using distorted or overdriven guitar and bass tones and rough, simplistic riffs. Vocals were typically shouted in a gruff voice and at some points even tuneless on heavier songs, while a signature grunge singing style was developed on calmer and acoustic songs, easy to hear in bands like Nirvana and Soundgarden. Some grunge took influences from sludgy heavy metal and stoner rock and played slow and dark, some bands took more influence from the hardcore punk scene of the 70’s and 80’s and created a darker, fast paced metal injected form of the genre. The songs are usually loud, simplistic in nature and focus on themes of social commentary, mental health, drugs and alcohol, environmentalism, rebellion and love.

Artists

Some notable artists from this genre are; Nirvana, Pearl Jam, The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, Stone Temple Pilots, TAD, Alice In Chains, (early) Foo Fighters

Technology

Grunge was distributed by independent labels on CD and Vinyl and could be heard on local radio stations then on TV and radio when the genre reached commercial success .

Influence

The dark, gloomy and angst filled legacy of grunge was short lived but had a strong cultural impact. It changed fashion and attitudes, people started dressing in cheap and distressed clothes, the ‘thrift store’ look became a thing, a sort of rebellion to the polish glam of the 80’s. This also came with a carefree and rebellious teenage attitude, drug and drink fuelled and rowdy, as were the concerts of many early grunge bands, with the audiences and the performers. At it’s peak, the suicide of Nirvana singer and guitarist Kurt Cobain ingrained him as a musical icon and legend, and widely seen as the figurehead of the grunge movement. Grunge lives on today as a genre that is played by many underground bands the world over, and although the movement in itself did not last long, it helped paved the way for future music and culture like not many genres had accomplished.

Footage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWXDgsRygKU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Epj9YBWHERk

Britpop / Madchester

Origins

Britpop is a UK-based music genre and cultural movement that began and peaked in the mid 90's, and served as a happier, catchier alternative to it's American contemporary, Grunge.

Britpop, as it is now known is said to have been started by Blur and Suede in 1992, however, the term had been applied to bands such as The Stone Roses in the late 80's but was not used as a descriptor or as a name of a genre. In April 1993, Select magazine featured Suede, The Auteurs, Denim, Saint Etienne and Pulp and helped start the idea of an emerging movement. These bands were soon joined by others including Oasis, Pulp, the Verve, Supergrass, Cast, Sleeper and Elastica.

‘Madchester’ is described as either a precursor to britpop or another vein of the genre localised and beginning in Manchester shortly before and during the rise of britpop. Manchester was fronted by bands like; The Stone Roses, Happy Mondays and Inspiral Carpets.

Characteristics

Musically, Britpop is quite a varied genre and takes influence from many other genres, most notably 60’s rock and 80’s and contemporary (at the time) dance and club music. Some bands ranged their influences from 80’s indie pop and 60’s rock to the punk rock bands of the 70’s. Britpop songs are typically guitar based, happy or catchy and focus on relatable and sometimes niche topics within British culture in their lyrics.

Singers typically used their natural British accents intentionally as a stylistic choice, rather than putting on a more Americanised accent to keep with the culture and theme of the genre.

Some bands, like Oasis and The Stone Roses were quite influenced by 60’s and 70’s rock, which shines through in their many fuzzy, guitar driven songs, while bands like Blur and Happy Mondays were more indie and pop based.

Artists

Notable Britpop and Madchester artists include;

Oasis, The Stone Roses, Blur, Happy Mondays, Inspiral Carpets, Suede, The Charlatans, The Verve, Elastica, Pulp

Technology

Britpop was released on CD and Vinyl and was accessible through radio and Television, as well as popularised in music magazines and early websites.

Influence

Britpop had a huge influence on British culture as it was essentially the soundtrack of Britishness at the time. It captured and cultivated British pop culture with its many merged aesthetics, 60’s revivalism, indie style and the everyday fashion of an average young person. It was a broad but defined style and attitude, a sort of inoffensive nationalism, it was truly British music by name and nature. The legacy of the music created by great Britpop bands carry on to this day, because who hasn’t heard Wonderwall? Who doesn’t at least recognise the opening bass riff of She Bangs The Drums?

Footage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5OrAtGHW_V4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aDeHCs7rKY

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mastcomm · 4 years

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What to Stream on Valentine’s Day

Hot Thriller, Cool Romance

‘The Thomas Crown Affair’ | YouTube, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, iTunes, Vudu

Make sure you watch the 1968 version, not the 1999 remake. While the newer film is fine enough, the original is a textbook example of classic Hollywood at its sexiest. Steve McQueen plays a millionaire who robs banks for fun, and Faye Dunaway is the insurance investigator on his tail. There is something downright intoxicating about the two stars’ charisma, and their chemistry feels as inexorable as tectonic plates moving toward each other. When they engage in a game of chess — a real one, though the metaphorical aspect is also there — you might have to fan yourself. Michel Legrand’s alternately lush and driving score is a gem of its own. ELISABETH VINCENTELLI

When Burt Lancaster and Susan Sarandon appeared in Louis Malle’s 1980 heartbreaker, he was almost twice her age. Yet after his rueful character, a small-time hood named Lou, takes a shine to Sally (Sarandon), a struggling oyster-bar waitress, their connection develops a melancholy magic. Blending romance and crime caper, Malle has crafted a dreamy, atmospheric study of a man, and a city, in decline, and Lancaster plays him with so much tattered heart that we easily understand Sally’s surrender to Lou’s quiet courtship. Watching him spy on her each night as she stands gloriously naked in her kitchen window, rubbing lemons on her skin to banish the odor of a job she detests, there is something innocent and inoffensive in his peeking. To him, she represents all he has lost — and all he might yet salvage. JEANNETTE CATSOULIS

Watch and Weep

‘Brief Encounter’ | Amazon Prime Video, iTunes

It’s not a spoiler to say that the love affair in “Brief Encounter” does not last: The title is pretty clear on that point. Yet you will hope against hope that Laura (Celia Johnson) and Alec (Trevor Howard) somehow find a way to end up together. The enduring appeal of David Lean’s 1945 romantic masterpiece lies in the push and pull between two people’s mutual attraction and their sense of honor and duty. (They are both married to other people.) The film gently suggests the all-encompassing power of love with characters who maintain a stiff upper lip. Slight gestures and sideways glances resonate like deflagrations of unabashed desire in this context, and the effect is devastatingly emotional. ELISABETH VINCENTELLI

Sweetheart Scares

‘My Bloody Valentine’ | Shudder, Crackle, YouTube, Amazon Prime, Google Play, Vudu, iTunes

This Valentine’s Day, do like many horror fans do: Fire up the streaming service Shudder and snuggle up with your boo. Start with “My Bloody Valentine,” a 1981 Canadian slasher film about a mining town besieged on Valentine’s Day by a killer with a pickax. It’s gory and deranged, but also a strangely nostalgic slasher classic. Follow that with the new Shudder podcast “Horror Noire: Uncut,” a fascinating six-episode valentine to African-American film buffs’ love-hate romance with horror cinema, based on Shudder’s acclaimed 2019 documentary. The podcast is also available on Apple Podcasts and other platforms. ERIK PIEPENBURG

Sweet Bromance, Dude

‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ | YouTube, iTunes, Google Play, Vudu, Amazon Prime Video, Cinemax

“Dude, where’s my car?” “Where’s your car, dude?” Were more romantic words ever spoken? Ashton Kutcher and Seann William Scott still make a dynamic couple in this 20-year-old stoner comedy that takes repetition to a place of absurdist enlightenment. The premise is simple: Two friends, Jesse and Chester, wake up and can’t remember the night before, including the whereabouts of said car. Yes, much of the laughs come from a puerile place, but there’s some genuine heart amid the gags. And the chemistry between these bros is palatable, from their shirtless tussle while trying to figure out what the new tattoos on their backs say to a one-upmanship showdown they have with Fabio that results in Jesse and Chester making out with each other. Sweet! MEKADO MURPHY

I Have an Hour, and I Want to Swoon-Cry

‘San Junipero’ (‘Black Mirror’ Season 3) | Netflix

The British series “Black Mirror” is famously bleak, but the Season 3 episode “San Junipero” has what passes as a happy ending in the show’s universe. Make no mistake, though: Tears will flow, prompted by a love that defies time, space, physical reality and even death itself. Mackenzie Davis’s shy, nerdy Yorkie finds herself pulled into the orbit of Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s extroverted, magnetic Kelly. The story jumps around the space-time continuum but is mostly set in 1987 America — if only, you may suspect, so it could put Belinda Carlisle’s “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” and Robbie Nevil’s “C’est la Vie” to memorable use. While technology tends to be a nihilistic force in the series, it comes to the aid of love in “San Junipero.” Imagine that. ELISABETH VINCENTELLI

Love From Beyond the Grave

‘Atlantics’ | Netflix

In Mati Diop’s feature debut, two lovers, Ada (Mama Sané) and Souleiman (Ibrahima Traoré), are separated by forces beyond their control. Although Ada is betrothed to a wealthy man, Omar (Babacar Sylla), her affections remain with Souleiman, a suave but less prosperous suitor who leaves their coastal town in Senegal in hopes of finding steady work in Spain. Strange things begin to happen back in Senegal after Souleiman is feared dead, including a mysterious fire that disrupts Ada’s wedding celebration. Diop and the cinematographer Claire Mathon (who also worked on “Portrait of a Lady on Fire,” back in theaters this week) frame Ada and Souleiman’s enduring love as an epic romance, a passion that reverberates through Fatima Al Qadiri’s haunting score. MONICA CASTILLO

Love at Work

‘Eames: The Architect and the Painter’ | Amazon Prime, YouTube, Google Play Movies & TV, iTunes

It all started with a chair. When Charles Eames met Ray Kaiser, they were both at the height of their fields (architecture for him, abstract art for her). In his love letters, he dreamed of a future together. He destroyed her letters. After all, he was married, with a daughter. Yet their connection sparked a professional partnership that helped define design and consumer culture. The film paints the picture of a love rooted in work and a shared joy in making things. Which is to say it manages to make the business of furniture and experimental filmmaking seem terribly romantic. Charles and Ray, who eventually married, are seen smiling together in archival photos from the 1940s, ’50s and beyond, look like a pair of delightful, delighted oddballs, fussing over designs that would eventually make their way into homes across the country. Their bond flourishes as they find success, is buffeted by industry criticism, the era’s sexism, and even infidelity. Still, they forged ahead, leaving their mark on just about everything they touched. #Goals. KWAME OPAM

Love Triangle: What Could Go Wrong?

‘Broadcast News’ | Amazon, iTunes, Vudu, YouTube, Google Play

One of the great love-triangle movies of all time, James L. Brooks’s comedy-drama (set in the world of network television news) finds Holly Hunter, in her breakthrough role, as a high-strung producer torn between two potential partners: Albert Brooks (as a reporter with a great mind but no physical spark) and William Hurt (as the hotshot new anchor with a killer bod and an empty head). They’re all playing recognizable types, and dig the expected laughs out of those personalities (and their interpersonal dynamics). But Brooks’s witty, sophisticated screenplay doesn’t treat them like stock characters; these people are all both likable and deeply flawed, and the film’s refreshing lack of clear choices makes Hunter’s romantic predicament all the more poignant. JASON BAILEY

Bollywood Romance

‘Jodhaa Akbar’ | Netflix

Some love stories end in weddings; others begin with one. In the Bollywood historical romance “Jodhaa Akbar,” the Mughal emperor Akbar marries the Hindu princess Jodhaa as part of a peace arrangement with the king of a rival province. Jodhaa resents being used as a political pawn and forced into a stranger’s home, but Akbar’s acceptance of her independence and religion slowly wins her over. Aishwarya Rai Bachchan and Hrithik Roshan are resplendently charismatic as the lead royals: the scene in which, armed with swords, they duel it out to resolve a lover’s quarrel is one of the sexiest moments ever committed to screen. The director Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s knack for swooning romance and political intrigue — and the stunningly designed set — make the film worth every minute of its three-and-a-half-hour run time. DEVIKA GIRISH

An Ever-After That’s Actually Dreamy

‘The Thin Man’ | YouTube, Amazon Prime Video, iTunes, Google Play, Vudu

Who ever said marriage killed romance? Not Nick and Nora Charles, for whom life is a euphoric succession of dry martinis and drier banter, seasoned with a little detective action here and there. The first (and best) in what would become a successful franchise, “The Thin Man” (1934) is Hollywood screwball comedy at its most sophisticated: Everybody looks great in evening wear, cracks wise, and downs staggering amounts of alcohol while keeping their wits about them. But the key to the movie’s enduring appeal is its portrayal of an enviably liberated modern couple, played by William Powell and Myrna Loy. Partners in crime-solving and sly sex appeal, Nick and Nora don’t just love each other — they absolutely delight in each other’s company. ELISABETH VINCENTELLI

Why Fight Destiny?

‘Crossing Delancey’ | Amazon, iTunes, Vudu, YouTube, Google Play

Opposites attract, in spite of all attempts to stifle said attraction, in this bewitching 1988 romantic comedy from the director Joan Micklin Silver. Amy Irving stars as Izzy, a downtown woman who’s moved uptown and fancies herself a sophisticate. So she dismisses her grandmother’s attempt to find her a husband via a matchmaker — especially when the suitor is the neighborhood pickle vendor (Peter Riegert). “I don’t live down here, I live uptown,” she assures him, and refuses to admit her obvious attraction, because of the backward step a romance with him seems to represent. Susan Sandler’s complex screenplay (based on her play) hits the expected will-they-or-won’t-they rom-com beats, but underscores them with complicated dynamics of cultural assimilation; the result is an sparkling, dizzy New York romance in the “Moonstruck” tradition. JASON BAILEY

Rom-Com, French Style

‘Heartbreaker’ | YouTube, Google Play, iTunes, Amazon Prime Video

This French charmer may remind you of the romantic-caper style that flourished in Hollywood from the late 1950s to the mid-60s. It is so sneakily funny and charming that it can shoulder such references as “To Catch a Thief,” whose Riviera setting this 2010 film echoes. Alex (Romain Duris) has a very special profession: Anxious friends and parents pay him to break up mismatched couples by seducing the woman. Things go south after Alex is hired to wreck the impending nuptials of Juliette (Vanessa Paradis) and Jonathan (a pre-“Walking Dead” Andrew Lincoln), and he finds himself actually drawn to his target. As with the best rom-coms, the romance feels ineluctable, no matter how hard the two leads fight it — but what fun it is to watch Duris and Paradis spar. ELISABETH VINCENTELLI

Bad Romance

‘The Souvenir’ | YouTube, Google Play, Vudu, Amazon Prime Video

The best rule of love is to love yourself. It’s a lesson that the film student Julie (Honor Swinton Byrne) learns the hard way as she falls under the spell of a dashing and charming older man, Anthony (Tom Burke). He’s not quite what he seems: As his drug addiction gradually strains the relationship, they engage in a vicious cycle of breakups and reconciliations. As much as this movie is about a bad romance, it’s also about what happens after Julie walks away. Based on her own youthful heartache, the director Joanna Hogg reimagines her experience in a gorgeous work of art, one that wrestles with the messy feelings of a toxic love affair. MONICA CASTILLO

A Time for Sportsmance

‘Bull Durham’ | YouTube, Google Play, Amazon Prime Video, iTunes, Vudu, Hulu

‘Tin Cup’ | YouTube, Amazon Prime Video, iTunes, Google Play, Vudu

With two sportsmance classics under their belt, the director Ron Shelton and his star, Kevin Costner, are the rightful masters of this subgenre. In “Bull Durham” (1988), Costner portrays a woeful Minor Leaguer courting baseball-crazy Susan Sarandon; in “Tin Cup” (1996), his self-sabotaging golfer becomes entangled with a psychologist played by Rene Russo. What’s great about these movies is that they show adults figuring things out, rather than, as has been the case with too many recent rom-coms, leaving characters stuck in arrested development. While the sports action can feel a little hokey — but then, that’s exactly how we like sports action — the human element has a wonderfully genuine lived-in quality. And, in “Bull Durham,” when Costner’s Crash lists “long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days” as one of the things he believes in — well, game over. ELISABETH VINCENTELLI

Love and Other Existential Puzzles

‘Phoenix’ | Criterion Channel, YouTube, Amazon Prime Video, iTunes, Google Play

‘Transit’ | Vudu, YouTube, Google Play, Amazon Prime Video

In “Phoenix,” by the German director Christian Petzold, a Holocaust survivor, Nelly, is recruited by her husband — who fails to recognize her after her facial reconstruction surgery — to pretend to be his “dead” wife so he can obtain her inheritance. Nelly, clinging to the charade of the love that she’s lost forever, plays along with his “Vertigo”-esque scheme even after his betrayals become slowly evident. Keep the tissues handy for Petzold’s “Transit,” about a Jewish refugee in Marseilles who is mistaken for and then starts impersonating a dead writer, and becomes enamored with the writer’s wife. Shot in a seductive, minimalist style, both movies (strange doppelgängers of each other) beautifully capture the tragic desire to become someone else — someone new — through love. DEVIKA GIRISH

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 24th March 2019

Top 10

“Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is still at the top for its fourth or fifth week and really? US pop music has been getting weirder, darker and more interesting, whilst the UK is lagging behind with boring pop ballads staying at the top for no reason other than the intense label push and some kind of pseudo-emotional strength that the track seems to be emitting to people. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, it’s supposed to be the other way around. This song is just lazy and feels like a total waste of studio time.

“Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag ‘n’ Bone Man is still at the runner-up spot this week, because, yeah, this was an insanely dry week – so much so that I may not even get to the word limit I set myself.

“Don’t Call Me Up” my Mabel is still at number-three since last week – at least this one’s good.

Tom Walker is up six spaces to number-four with “Just You and I” – I think this is the video dropping? I don’t know, I don’t care anyway, I don’t think this song is worth talking about.

Jonas Brothers’ “Sucker” seems to have some form of longevity as it moves up two spaces to the top 5 at number-five.

I’m glad Ariana Grande’s “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” seems to be falling, down two spots to number-six this week.

Coincidentally, Ariana Grande is also at number-seven, down a position from last week, with “7 rings”.

Out of all Dave songs to increase, I did expect the most Afrobeat-influenced one to succeed into next week, and the song has grown on me, so I suppose I’m glad “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy is up three spaces to number-eight.

LAUV and Troye Sivan’s “i’m so tired...” is up four spots to number-nine, becoming both artists’ first ever Top 10 hit in the UK Top 40. Congratulations, but the song isn’t great in my opinion, and it’s not a surprise it charted well so far considering how accessible it is.

Oh, and Dave’s back at #10, as “Disaster” featuring J Hus is down only two spots since last week’s album bomb; I expected all of these songs to drop much more than they ended up doing.

Climbers

Sigrid’s “Don’t Feel Like Crying” has moved up five positions to #15, perhaps on its way to match “Strangers”, her last hit, which is cool because this is a great song yet not even close to the best song on her album. Oh, and Wiley’s “Boasty” featuring Idris Elba, Sean Paul and Stefflon Don seems to be doing very well, as it’s moving up 11 spaces to #22 off the video.

Fallers

Well, Sam Smith and Normani’s “Dancing with a Stranger” seems to be on its way out, as the UK chart has ruled it eligible for streaming cuts, as it falls down 11 spaces to #16. Otherwise, we have the continued falls for “How it Is” by Roddy Ricch, Chip, Yxng Bane and the Plug, down seven positions to #34 (Still not fast enough), and a surprise drop for “wish you were gay” by Billie Eilish down 13 spots to #39 off the debut. I guess that one isn’t catching on over here, which is completely understandable, the song is pretty mediocre.

Dropouts

We actually have a couple notable ones this week. Notably, streaming cuts seem to have affected “Baby Shark” by PINKFONG, sending it right out of the top 75 all the way from #34. “Hello My Love” by Westlife is also out from #38 (I’m surprised it even lasted nine weeks), and “Robbery” by Juice WRLD is out from #39 off the debut, and that’s it, so let’s talk about a song that isn’t even released yet.

FEATURED SINGLE

“Bottoms Up” – The BoyBoy West Coast

Produced by LiL Medic Beats

You was at the club / Bottoms up when I first met you

So, this song had its first verse released as a snippet in September 2018, and once the video started gaining traction due to its meme factor (The dude had a dodgy moustache and was drinking out of an empty lean cup), he released the second verse, but naturally, we don’t have the song. We don’t know if there’s a chorus, or a hook, or a bridge or even really an outro or intro. We just know that there’s supposedly a Ramriddlz remix, probably? The BoyBoy West Coast is essentially releasing his potential hit single as stems, as the instrumental was already available via LiL Medic Beats, so who knows? We might get the hi-hat pattern next week. This song, in recreated form that uses just the snippets and instrumental provided, has racked up nearly 400,000 Genius pageviews and eight million views. It literally doesn’t exist yet, or at least for all we know. It seems to be up for release soon, but I love the novelty of having a song that might chart off of snippets and TikTok memes alone, hell, he’s already done a Genius interview for the lyrics that we didn’t fully know at the time of “Release”. Anyway, the song is pretty nice, it’s oddly infectious, with that great catchy hook that lasts the whole song and it’s so joyful, especially with the guitar-lead trap-infused pop beat provided by LiL Medic Beats. Using the recreated version that features both snippets from YouTuber “Icetrocity” for a listen, I’m starting to really appreciate the lyrics, as they seem very genuine and mundane, it’s really cute actually. Basically, he sees a bartender (She was at the club) and he decides to write a song about the dreams he has with this girl, and although I have an issue with some of the lyrics, from the snippets I love his smooth vocal delivery, especially in the second verse, and there’s a couple multi-tracked female background vocals that I appreciate them adding in, it makes the song more full, and hell, I’d argue the distorted vocals from low-quality snippets makes it feel more like a voice memo or a call to this girl with all his aspirations and plans he has for her. I don’t know, it’s just a really delightful, positive song that I’m glad to see is gaining traction, albeit off a novelty. I don’t like the “Eyes lookin’ Chinese” line though, I hope they cut that out when it’s released on streaming services, and, some of them seem a tad contradictory.

Loves drugs, hates being sober (Hates being sober)

Then in the same verse...

She didn’t smoke but now she a stoner (All day)

Regardless, cute song, but let’s get to the new arrivals, including one I am glad to be talking about...

NEW ARRIVALS

#38 – “Juice” – Lizzo

Produced by Ricky Reed – Peaked at #4 in Israel

Lizzo, critical darling and American singer who has been slowly leading up a to a breakthrough hit, finally getting hers in early 2019 after her work with producer Ricky Reed paid off, and while I’m not familiar with much of Lizzo’s work prior, I’m intrigued to check it out now because “Juice” is incredible, and I mean I’m surprised it’s even here, but sleeper hits will be hits in the end and it’s not like I’m complaining. This is an 80s and 70s-influenced retro-styled funk track with anthemic guitars and a raspy performance from Lizzo that is powerful and outrageous, with a smooth pre-chorus that has her rapping and singing side perfectly co-relate and co-operate, with her bragging about her “Juice”, which is essentially everything she has to make her appealing to men, whether it’s her swag in fashion sense or looks, but who cares what it’s about? It’s a vapid song, sure, but her charismatic, energetic delivery, especially in the bridge where this man gets lost in her DMs, combined with this gorgeous instrumental consisting of not only an incredible (Albeit faint) bassline but also an excellent brass line that creeps in via the trumpets in the final chorus, makes this song feel like an anthem, especially in that chorus, which is one of my favourites of the year so far, especially with that catchy keyboard riff backing it up and the hilarious lead-up. It’s perfectly composed and Lizzo’s delivery makes it all the more special. This is fantastic, and one of my favourite songs released this year so far, I hope it gains some more traction and becomes a hit, I can see this picking up because it balances two worlds and two different demographics, that feels like a throwback but still set in a time that needs this pick-me-up of charm. The post-chorus is her repeating “Yah, yah, yeet” for goodness’ sake, how can you not love it? Check it out if you haven’t.

#30 – “So Am I” – Ava Max

Produced by Cirkut – Peaked at #7 in New Zealand

I talked in my “ZEZE” review about how TikTok is a largely music-based platform, so like any musical-related app, it’s going to have some affect on the charts when memes arise, and this is the first meme we’ve had cross over (in the UK, at least). “Sweet but Psycho” is the third single from American single Ava Max, and her first to chart in the UK, top 40 or not. The song’s already gone to #1 in pretty much all of Scandinavia, so combined with the TikTok meme and a Snapchat filter, this was going to land here at some point, but is it good? Well, it’s Gaga, I can tell you that. Comparisons have been made to The Fame and I can’t deny there’s a lot of similarity here, especially with her voice, the content and the electronic groove in the production, which is surprisingly minimalistic for this type of song, as basically everything except the funky percussion here is an airy synth, and yeah, it does feel kind of empty in that regard, and you could argue it’s a little bit too derivative, but for what it is it’s pretty catchy and that abrupt Chainsmokers-ish vocal drop in the bridge is also pretty cool, to be fair, so I guess I can’t be too mad about it. It’s alright in the end, but I wouldn’t exactly recommend this to anyone who’s heard a lot of this type of slick, polished dance-pop.

Okay, enough playing, “So Am I”, her second UK Top 40 track; this is Ava Max’s last hit with more inoffensive subject matter that still feels like a complete retread of everything we’ve heard before from this brand of dance-pop, and a oddly shaky vocal performance from Ava Max herself. The whole ordeal feels just as plastic as her last attempt, and I hope Cirkut and Ava Max learn their lesson from copying your last hit and pasting it onto a different drum pattern by having this follow-up fade into obscurity.

#23 – “Here with Me” – Marshmello and CHVRCHES

Produced by Steve Mac and Marshmello – Peaked at #3 in New Zealand and #75 in US

This is how we’re welcoming back CHVRCHES to chart success, with a dumb Marshmello EDM-pop track that I feel we’ve heard before? Okay, well, this is CHRVCHES’ second top 40 hit over here and their highest-charting song ever, Marshmello’s fifth and I feel like Marshmello is just wasted talent. He’s shown he can make legitimately great songs in the powerful “Silence” with Khalid and fun trap tracks like “Everyday” with Logic, but he’s been trying out new musical ideas and playing with them for a while now, especially in 2019 where he’s made a dubstep song with some producer, as well as collaborating with several Indian musicians for a single that... didn’t even chart in India? Since not even Roddy Ricch or Juicy J with freaking James Arthur has been successful for him recently, he went the “Happier” route and made a generic dance-pop song with the lead singer of an indie rock band that have enough indie cred to be considered indie but enough hits to be considered pop, and honestly he can stick to making awful dubstep with Indian dudes because this formula is getting tiring. You have some guitar strumming with trap percussion and a watery build-up that leads to a weak synth-drop that feels sort of cluttered but equally catchy, as Lauren Mayberry performs either some vocal riffing or repeats the chorus a bunch of times over it, with the song not being able to feel as big as it really wants to be, mostly because of the restrained trap percussion. There, I’ve given you a description of what I think about every single Marshmello song, do I not need to talk about them anymore? – Because they suck.

Conclusion

This should be obvious, right? Lizzo gets Best of the Week for “Juice” while Marshmello and CHVRCHES bag Worst of the Week for the formulaic and frankly sickeningly manufactured “Here with Me”. I hope to God something interesting or even just better comes along next week, because following UK charts has started to become somewhat exhausting.

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