#im so glad i dont have to see you anymore

[gwcnstcy]

i need to vent about something that happened and i’ll do it in the tags of this post and i dont really know how to trigger it but it may be triggering so yeah maybe dont read it idc i just need to talk to the void

#how many fucking times do i have to say no for you to fukcing understabd it #we’ve talked avout this so many times you’ve been told by more than one prrson how that makes me uncomfortable #and you still try something in my party and in front of mu whole fucking family? #and you clearly dont care about me at all you just want to kiss me or even more than that and thats the whole fucking reason you even talk t #to me #bc if you cared in the slightest you wouldnt keep trying and trying and trying #knowing damn well how uncomfortable it makes me #to the point that i had a panic attack at my own fucking party bc you wouldnt leave #literally had to call the building security guard to make you leave #and you still call yourself my friend? #fuck you #im so glad i dont have to see you anymore #and what makes this even sadder is that you were a great friend or whatever #talking to you has always been lovely #but just bc im a lesbian and im single does not mean i fucking want you #ive made it more than clear that i dont #youve been at it for a whole year. half of which you were in a relationship mind you #so fuck you #leave me the fuck alone

[sleeve-sleeve]

ok first murder drones now spooky month depression

#did indie animation wake up and choose angst #not complaining it’s yummy but #I wasn’t expecting angst fromSPOOKY MONTH????? #and the priest character is actually really cool like a lot of media portrays priests as villains and im glad they didn’t do that here #these past few days in indie animation have been actually insane #yesterday was the lackadaisy anniversary and the release of murder drones 7 which was a ROLLERCOASTER #and then the day after that spooky month releases with DEPRESSION #indie animation is so good it’s not even funny #I hope more people become aware of indie shows so they become the new standard #like I dont want all of these plain movies/series we have been seeing from these major productions (with some exceptions ofc) #and with indie animation rising I hope it dis encourages AI use in creative media #because AI can’t make something with such a detailed and in depth plot as humans can #I mean it could eventually(?) but if you have ever interacted with AI you may notice many flaws #this has turned into an essay it’s not even tags anymore but im just psyched for indie animation #murder drones #spooky month #lackadaisy #indie animation #kind of a rant

[nightfallsystem]

u guys ever think about killing urself for everyone elses sake.

just so people wont have to go thru the annoyance of talking to me or the disgust of seeing my face so they can be happier by talking to their other friends instead of me so they dont have to deal with my actual fucking stupidity

#tw vent #tw suicide #ingnore this. btw. or dont i cant stop you lol #imsso close to cutitng off everyone i know so they can be happier i alreadyblocked a few people i knewnow ionly know one person irl #imf so glad she found other people so she'll be completely fine if i disappear out of her life her life sounds like its going great actuall #ruining my life ^_^ #i dont want to talk to people but for their sake #IM GENUINELY SO FUCKING STUPID AND UPSETTING TO TALK TO . #does anyone even love me anymore #im probably doign this for my own selfish reasons #i dont go outside anymore for everyone else sake. so they dont have to see my ugly face. or deal with my awful speech #at least i can still draw.... only way i can mkae people happy.. #im mean to myself more than anyone else is mean to me at htis point. why #im not even capable of becoming mentally well at hthis point. im a lost cause #tell me what you rlly think . just tell me to shut the fuck up. just call me annoying. whatever u say cant be worse than what i do to mysel #pleasee im just dragging u down and making u feel worse whenever u tlak to me DO YOU NOT REALISE IT #i dont want to feel better for myself i want to feel better so i can be useful to others #i fucking hate people but i love them a lot . i gues i just hate how i affect others. social outcast i guess

[timetravellingkitty]

.

#last night an ex friend who ignored me for 6 fucking months just messaged me saying “oh im sorry i want to make things clear between us” #“i dont want any bad relations before the end of the year blah blah blah” #and she didn't even apologise properly #i told her i didnt accept her apology because i didnt trust her anymore and that i deserved friends who cared about stuff like that #and her response to that? “wow nice to see you're so cocky let me knock your ego down a few notches” #“you're a loud and obnoxious bitch you think you the world revolves around you just cause you read some feminist books” #which tells me that she really didnt mean her sorry #she just wants a clean slate and validation she's actually a good person #im sorry but you dont get to use as a stepping stone for YOUR character development #why apologise if you don't fucking mean it #and the worst part is my friend still thinks she's a good person and whatever blah blah blah FUCK OFF #i know no one really wants to listen what i have to say given that i'm always taken as a joke #but srsly fuck off it's amazing how her friend hurting me isnt a big deal cause she's “not as bad as i think she is” #god i miss my old friends we have such a strong bond but we don't meet that often i just want to hug them so bad #i'm glad i didnt listen to the part of me that wanted to forgive her one of my ex friends was also like her and i've learnt my lesson #vent #personal

[rosykims]

they make me so fucking insane. absolutely bananas mode

#tay plays dao #oc: elspeth #im genuinely sooooooooo glad u can pick that “i dont think theres a future” option without immediately breaking up lol #bc she WANTS a future with him !!!! she just doesnt believe she can have one anymore. and thats why she needs him so bad !!! #bc hes the only one who's ever made her feel like thats not true !!!! #god i love angst. i love sadness. i love it when pain means something and when hard times TEMPER a relationship instead of breaking it #the way i see their ~story~ working out (unrestricted by game mechanics i mean) is that elspeth stays a warden while he becomes king #but still staying with him as his closest ''advisor'' aka mistress. #but like. he thinks shes being an absolute idiot and doing her stupid martyr complex stuff as per usual #and spends several years trying to convince her to finally get a grip and marry him. bc he refuses to marry anybody else lol #anyway she finally finally says yes right before she leaves to cure the calling. so if she comes back (lol) then she'll become queen-consor #until then its this hopeless ''i cant be with you officially but i cant ever be without you'' dance forever <3 #AND I LOVE IT. I EAT IT UP EVERY TIME.

[milf-harrington]

"babes i'd get you mcr merch before getting my own lmao" literally wtf did i do to deserve this girl

#'think of it as a reconciliation gift' BUT IM THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP OUR FRIENDSHIP WHAT DO YOU MEEAAAAN #im really glad to just have her back in my life and she caught me so off guard with the whole mcr thing #bc she said it feels wrong for her to go without me bc mcr was always My Thing and im like 'lol im poor anyway its fine' #so she said she'd get me merch and i was like 'oh you dont have to really' #and then she said THAT #and im like *through tears* 'bro what the fuck' #and now im panicking a little bit bc i feel like i should do something nice for her too but i dont want it to seem like im #just trying to be even?? bc i know that's not what shes doing shes just genuinely thinking 'oh theyre his favourite band' #and i do still remember all the things she used to love and be into but at the same time maybe her interests have changed!! #maybe she's not BTS-posters-all-over-the-walls and spider-man-rug-on-her-bedroom-floor anymore #maybe she hates anime now #maybe she sold all of her gaming shit #i dont know!! #wait i could ask her #but see now it feels like the catch-up-small-talk phase has passed us and it'll just be weird if im like #'so. what are you into these days other than cars?' #or maybe im overthinking it! probably #maybe when she comes to town next month i can catch up w her #captain speaks

[dreamcast-official]

huh.

#eli.txt #idk i think ive been slowly forgiving my sister for how deeply hurt i felt when she moved out bc now I Get It. like I Get It #when she moved out i was. 9. and in my head i thought she had left because of me. because i wasnt the easiest kid in the world and i know- #-she had a hard time dealing with me when we were alone. we're so far apart in age we couldnt connect for most of my life. and in my head #that was the reason she left home. bc of me. bc she was tired of *me.* #i know now thats not true. and i understand now why she had to leave because if she felt the way im feeling then goddamn im glad she got ou #this feeling SUCKS. nd like #yeah this probably has to do with my father's daughter and the fact that she refused to even meet me until our dad died. #it took my dad dying for my sister to even be in the same room as me. that really messed with me as a kid. like it REALLY did. #so when my sister left home i just kinda went. oh okay neither of my sisters want anything to do with me! i will be alone forever! got it! #AND I KNOW NOW THATS NOT TRUE ON EITHER OF THEIR ENDS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP W MY DADS DAUGHTER AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL #BUT I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST HER ANYMORE BC GOD HER MOTHER WAS AWFUL AND I GET WHY SHE DIDNT WANT TO MEET ME BC OF EVERYTHING #BUT LIKE. THAT MESSED ME UP AND I JUST STRAIGHT UP ASSUMED BOTH MY SISTERS HATED ME FOR SO LONG. #AND NOW THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO LEAVE I CAN SEE SO CLEARLY. MY SISTER NEVER HATED ME I WAS NEVER THE REASON SHE LEFT. #I CAN LET GO OF HOW HURT I FELT BECAUSE I ALSO NEED TO LEAVE #god i dont wanna hurt my mom though. #dont think i could leave her completely alone in this apartment. i dont think i can do that. #anyway. hi tumblr did you like todays oversharing episode

[cicidraws]

im not well.

#i typed a whole thing out and yall are exhausted enough treating my art blog like a diary im sure. writing physically hurts. #and im already alone on adaily basis enough i wouldnt lie about the fact im glad if someone sees me - not for attention #but to know im alive. im relaly just by myself. #but im really not well and im trying so hard to stay out of hte hospital bc i cant afford it neither can my dad and i have no income #barely can afford half the groceries we have or rent. #im just really not okay right now. im not. im not going to sugarcoat that. im eXTREMELY unwell. #i will not be having a mental health check bc that happened before and the cops made fun of me horrifically and belittled me #and i will not be going to hte hsopital. unless i end up actually doing something #but i am so fighitngdoing something always im just so tired i really am so tired. #i dont wanna do this anymore or be here anymore i really dont #if you hear me out thank you but blacklist my tag #shutupcici - #im sorry fro making this art blog horrible to deal with or me to deal with by making this my diary at this point #im gonna try to stop that but its hard being alone.i really am #negative // #sui //

[silverislander]

got through another church service :) (people wouldn't stop touching me without asking) (got guilt tripped abt not coming around anymore twice) (extremely aware i was being watched and judged the whole time) (everyone only seems to remember my brothers accomplishments) (they still fucking do gendered call and responses in 2023)

#but fuck it! i got through it #the guilt tripping doesnt work anymore anyway so i just kinda. roll w it #theyll be like 'wow its been such a Long Time... we miss you...' and then hit me with the boomer stare. jokes on you bc i just smile + nod #now were both staring at each other in silence and you made it awkward. who feels guilty now pamela #levi.txt #seriously tho im so fucking tense my shoulders hurt. i hate how everyone feels the right to fucking touch me at church so much #i KNOW you want to say hi and thats fine just PLEASE dont come up behind me and clap your hands on my shoulders #i will gladly shake your hand or whatever. you dont need to physically grab me we can be normal abt this i promise #unfortunately i have a really bad freeze response so i usually cant manage 'please dont do that' or 'stop' if startled #and the womens/mens call and responses? how are we still. doing that #idk i didnt expect them to be trans affirming all of a sudden or whatever ik theyre transphobic im just. ugh. bad surprise #and watching people try to 'subtly' look and see which lines im reading or why i sound Like That. it makes me feel like a zoo animal #i forget how much church is an anxiety trigger for me. fuck #glad its over. i only have to go on christmas eve and easter while im living at home and thats fair enough for me

[biblicalhorror]

You ever had a friendship where like you kind of faded out of each other's lives for a period of time and then re-bonded without ever really addressing the distance so now every time one of you mentions something you never told the other one during The Dark Time you both just have to be like "yeah, this massive thing that happened to me that we didn't talk about at the time but I totally wanted to tell you about but it felt like I couldn't talk to you but I'm also not gonna say it was your fault because I don't want to drive you away again but I know and you know exactly what it is we're not talking about"

#like. i dont blame her for what happened #she was going through a lot of bullshit and i was getting into my current relationship with our mutual friend #and the mutual friend in question it turns out had rejected her like a month and a half before asking me out #so like. things were weird and i dont blame her for not wanting to make a whole thing out of it #and i also get how it would be hard to see me like that with someone you had interest in #but also from my perspective at the time i started dating a boy i liked and my best friend just decided she couldnt be around me anymore #and even though i now have the full context and it doesnt hurt as badly theres still a part of me carrying resentment over it #ive stopped pretending this is relatable content and now im just using the tags on this post as my diary #like on the one hand i know this friendship is worth it because we're stronger than ever now #and shes gotten so much better about vulnerability and admitting i matter to her and communicating in general #but on the other hand it just keeps feeling like theres this elephant in the room that neither one of us has any idea how to address #and like i dont even know if it would be better if we did address it #like 'hey btw i know you had a crush on my now bf and tried to kiss him one time and then didnt tell me when he shrugged you off' #'i also know how much you tried to pretend it didnt hurt you but you distanced yourself from half your friends to avoid having to face it' #'and at the time it was rly frustrating because you acted like me being happy in a healthy relationship was a personal inconvenience to u' #'but i understand now and i forgive you and im glad you came back around eventually because i love you and i missed you' #or can all of those things just remain unsaid and understood

[anticurses]

how do i reply to people in a normal way and not immediately profess my love to them @ god

#wished a friend i dont see a lot a happy birthday and she said that shes glad i thought of her….of COURSE i did???? #u mean a lot to me and we might not talk a lot anymore but you helped me in ways im not sure you fully understand???? #i’m so glad to have met you and wish you nothing but the best??? #<- okay now how do i say this without sounding insane

[mediawhorefics]

hello marie, hope ur okay! so, there’s this girl on Wattpad who’s claiming that she finally got your permission to translate tts, is that true or… she’s just lying ?!

https://www.wattpad.com/1318890612

why can't these people just leave me alone?

#in case y'all were wondering this is a big part of why i don't write hl anymore #i know it's not fair to the majority of people who are so lovely and encouraging and respectful and supportive #but this kind of disrespectful shit started in the early pandemic when i was really depressed and uninspired and i was started to feel less #interested in 1d cos nothing was happening #and i can't even begin to tell you how it felt... to already feel so low in personal life and then to see the way my work was treated...... #it really changed my relationship to this fandom. in bad ways. #and ik im prob. gonna get some anon saying im annoying for complaining/that theyre glad im gone or whatever mean shit i always get when im #being honest about what it felt like to be a creative person in this fandom #but whatever this is my blog and some of the people who steal others' stories should know how it feels #and it feels like shit #about me #i have like... a message from that person from like... last friday ?? asking permission #and i didnt reply cos i simply did not see it #cos i dont open wattpad #unless someone sends me a link to a stolen copy of my fic #idk when they started posting maybe they did ask first #but still #its written in my ao3 profile #its written in the tts author's note #its fucking written on my twt profile #i dont know how much clearler i can make myself #idk maybe im a bad person their message says theres a revolution in iran and thats why i should say yes... idk

[all-thestories-aretrue]

I heard something chewing around my hamster's stuff earlier before i left for an interview and i couldnt find her in her cage so i freaked the fuck out. But she is safe in her cage!! I have laid eyes on her and fed her. So that begs the question what the fuck was in her travel cage and is it still there or still in my house??

#like i am incredibly relieved shes in her cage and safe and healthy like holy shit i was worried #but also what the FUCK did i see moving in the travel cage???? #current concensus is a mouse #but i have not seen or heard it since then and i dont think its in the travel cage anymore #but i SAW the bedding moving #and the cage was locked mind you!! you need opposable thumbs to open it #and if it was tiny enough to fit through the air holes theres no way it could move that much bedding around #idk what it was but im so glad it wasnt dahlia #i hardcore freaked out

[prodkeiji]

ep 9 is a lot to process uhm

#well yang kindaaa went batshit crazy (only bc of that fucking cat whos the real antagonist all along) but im glad she still got herself tgt #ruby is obviously gonna live i think. but yea its implied but idt shes gna use cresent rose anymore 💔💔 LIKE NOOO CRESENT ROSE WAS SO OG #also what the actual fuck is going on w the fight scene like???? #okay i get why neo has no reason to return anymore BUT JAUNE FALLING? #LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ROOSTER TEETH IS HE DEAD DONT YOU DARE KILL HIM OFF I FUCKING SWEAR #i hate that fucking cat so much bro hes so annoying i want him DEAD by next week once the final ep drops #but if he dies ... does that mean neo will die to since shes the vessel :( #as much as i hope thats not gna be the case it's a bitttt inevitable? pls let me have my delusions of neo having her redemption arc pleasee #anyways go ruby do what makes u happy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 as much as i love cresent rose if not using her anymore is what makes u heal + #+ happy i will have no complaints do whats best for you baby 🥹 ueueue i love her sm #no but what if she just uses summers weapons to kill off that cat #and then when they go back to remnant it's back to cresent rose (im delusional) #it's very impossible looking at rubys situation now but hey one can dream yk #SPEAKING OF SUMMER I WAS VERY SURPRISED WHEN I SAW HER IN THE FIRST BIT #i wish they showed her face like cmon why is rt acting like we didnt see her face in that one season like?? 🙁 let me see the pretty mother #AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS RWBY V9 EP 9 it felt like some type of filler ep 💀 not that i hate it but it was kinda short to me #season finale next week better be good or else im gna be so mad like we did not just see neo getting POSSESSED all 4 a bad ending 4 the szn #on a side note: i hope we get to see the others again pls pls pls i NEED renora development 😣😣 my og childhood bffs to lovers 40k words + #+ mutual pining and slowburn romance (it took them 8 seasons to kiss) #rwby v9 spoilers #this was so long to break down damn sorry for the typos i am not redoing all of these tags just to correct them

[paleimitatorz]

maybe a weird question but do you have the dynaswap ghost train comics saved anywhere? i just remember it being a favorite of mine when the au was still ongoing. i understand if not its just a shot in the dark lol

answering just so i don't leave you hanging--the long and short of it is, most of the original files are on a very old PC that's been unplugged and disused for a few years now, and i don't have access to them at the moment. on a more personal note, the blog is password-protected because i wanted to put some distance between myself and it, so I probably will not be helpful WRT questions about that AU. thanks and sorry to disappoint!

#as an addendum: #sometimes i do see notifications from archival blogs reblogging the posts that they have access to #i suppose i cant stop you and im glad you like it enough to do so #but i will gently reiterate that i dont have much association with the au anymore due to choice as well as the passage of time #if i come back to gorillaz in a meaningful way that could change but for now its sort of something id like to leave in the past #save the odd doodle when the urge strikes

[toytulini]

also

#toy txt post #not to be selfish or whatever but im also pretty glad ig. that my boring unfinished ass artsyle thats just pencil sketches on paper #seems to be not super popular for ai to replicate? so uh idk. grateful for that ig. i already barely post art anymore i cant imagine #how fucking discouraged id be if i saw ai art that looked like mine : / #like now. if I coded it myself off of all my own art only? i think id be fine w that. but i think thats probably not enough images to code #one of those lol #but idk maybe that could be an interesting way to do ai #train it on your own specific shit personally that you made to create yourself a little dirk strider autoresponder for your own art. #not sure how many images it takes to train one though and if that would be achievable for one person to pull off #but like i think i would not be mad at that! #at that point its almost akin to making a little dressup game i think haha. or like a character creator #WHICH for all the complaints i see about like it being a useful tool for disabled ppl to make art that they dont have the #physical capacity to do im a bit like. okay youre essentially describing like a really really detailed character creator. or like. the sims #i feel like we dont need to steal art from ppl to make those #before anyone is like oh well its not like a character creator cos youre typing in keywords instead of fucking around selecting hairstyls #or smth. its just a keyword controlled character creator. thats what you want. and im not against that. im just against. using stolen art #to do it and im against letting companies get away with using that to make like a book cover or smth instead of commissioning an artist