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seattlesellie · 10 months

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this is super random (also this is my first msg to u hi <3) and i’m honestly asking this generally to anyone else who also happens to read this, but recently i’ve realized my sexual orientation and come to the conclusion that i’m like REALLY attracted to women (as a woman myself ofc). so obv this made me also think abt how someday i’m gonna have to tell ppl close to me abt this but i’m literally losing my mind cause i’m NAWT vulnerable especially w/ my parents 😭 and also i just now was watching a tiktok live that was full of homophobic ppl and whenever i see that on the internet, it makes me wanna go deeper in the shell (or closet lmao) that i already am in. like it makes me realize how many horrible ppl there are that won’t accept smth so simple (i’m also very emotional as u can see 😍) so like tbh i’m not sure what i’m seeking here but ig i’m just curious if u or anyone else has felt like this/what helped u come out? like it’s so hard for me to be open and as someone who recently graduated and is going to uni, in a completely diff country alone, i’m gonna have more freedom and if i were to date another girl, it’d feel unfair to my parents if i didnt say anything prior abt my identity. ik they’re also very supportive, which i’m thankful for, but i just HATEEE vulnerability. idk man :( it’s also very weird finally realizing more abt myself. it makes me SO happy yet so so so scared? aarrghh idk sorry abt this long message, u seem like the nicest person and this place feels safe, so i just felt like i could ask/find some kind of relatability. 💗 sorry again for this long ass rant LOLS 🌟

okokok im gonna tell u my coming out story because i can awfully relate to this ?? n adding a read more cos this is so long sorry <333 🤧

literally knew i liked girls my entire life and like suppressed the shit out of it. would try and date guys all throughout highschool and would feel so terrible afterwards… but like you, i was super uncomfortable with that type of vulnerability and also barely had any gay friends, let alone any gay female friends. so i spent my life just thinking im gonna be in the closet forever !! until i met my now ex gf, she would constantly be sleeping over— but i did the classic thing of telling my parents she was just my new best friend, until one day my dad was like… be so fr rn are you two dating. like you said, my parents are also very liberal and supportive (especially my dad), but still— it made me panic and drop a mug and deny deny deny !! then, after being together for like 6 months it was incredibly hard to hide it, and obvs she felt super uncomfortable bc i was super closeted and she was super out. so i kind of had to come out to my parents (i hid under a blanket and told them i have an important thing to say n then they already somehow knew). my parents and i literally never talked about these things like my mom didn’t even know about my first kiss or literally NOTHING about me, we didn’t have that type or relationship at all so i can relate to u so hard !!but like here’s the thing— i don’t think it would be unfair to your parents, this is your story to tell and you should do it when you feel comfortable enough, and if it takes you dating a girl for that then so be it. you shouldn’t worry about other peoples feelings about this, as this is yours to tell and not theirs! as long as you’re in a safe environment, coming out can truly be such a big fucking relief !! like that absolute weight that drops out of your chest is so so freeing. if the people who are close to you love you— they will accept you. if they won’t? truthfully, they don’t deserve u and never have. about the homophobia, its always going to be here, unfortunately for us hateful and bigoted people will always exist, and that can be extremely stressful and painful, which is why surrounding yourself with people from your own community is so so important and necessary. uni is such a good place to do that !! so many new people to meet and especially queer people to surround yourself with !! i super understand your fears but the good things that happen after you come out— that feeling of no longer needing to hide yourself is so so worth it 💗💗💗💗

#𓏲 ࣪₊♡𓂃 anon 🎀

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lysiso · 3 years

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hi how are u :D any thoughts to share

im doing pretty okay :) and yes a few my brain is always full with stuff OR nothing at all theres no in between so get reaaaaaaddyy :D

I bought moldavite and i have it for two days now ik thats like nothing its only two days right but tbh i dont feel that much and was disappointed but its only two daaays also i really do think my life's on its way to be turnt upside down like i cant explain how i know but i mean it in a good way i feel like the coming few years are going go be so transformational. Why am i (are we) not able to see or meet aliens? i would LOVE to meet a kind nice friendly benevolent alien!!! How did humanity's "intelligence" get so far to the point of it being self destructive? isn't it weird like we came from lil fish in the sea.. to blabla... to blabla.. to homo sapiens... we became so intelligent that we invented all this stuff like technology and all that and yet we NEVER learn from history, ALWAYS repeat the same mistakes and are literally KILLING the earth and other people like isn't that crazy we've become so far... just to be our own destruction thats absolutely bonkers... Why am i so awkward around thid guy from work sure i may have a teeny tiny crush on him but damn get ur shit together right lmao.. WHY is it that when i mention it's been a while since i've smoked weed people offer to go to their place and i can have some but like.. no i want weed either for myself or for me and my friends like why do people suggest that i can come over if i want i barely know u, we are just colleagues why would i wanna get high w u idk u like that... also ur double my age you weird ass man why are u even offering. More importantly why isnt my CRUSH offering... sad... i miss weed, i miss hanging out w friends, i miss being extra w makeup and outfits, i truly hope corona wont be too bad next fall bc i got big ass travel plans (im so excited abt this wtf!!!!) and i really hope i can actually go to the countries i want.... it's literally my dream. Why is banana and chocolate such a good combo? Cote d'or is the BEST chocolate ever oh my GOD it's superior. Brooklyn 99 is so funny and so good. I say i dont have a phone/social media addiction but im literally on it the entire ffin day and it's keeping me from being productive. I hate when people talk abt body positivity but then make fat people feel guilty abt wanting to lose weight or actually losing weight. I want someone to *** ** *** so bad i've been so ***** ******. I should rly start attack on titan it looks really cool, i should finish kakegurui first tho. I really wonder if someone, anyone ever had a crush on me like literally aaaaanyone?? I cant wait to go TRAVEL NEXT YEAAAAAR. Why is my best friend so fucking bad at texting... like tbh some ppl are so ffin dry over text and they always always say "yeah lmao im rly bad at texting" like bitch wym how?????? u got all the emojis and u know popular vine/tiktok memes so???????? use them????? I would love some red wine rn. I love music, but i rly don't get how like.. earbuds work i truly dont like wym the music is transfered through little wires like how like what even is music? is it also made out of 0s and 1s i truly dont get it ALSO what the FUCK is wifi and other wireless tech? like how does that WORK??? i'm like starting to think we got the whole technology thing from aliens. People who don't believe that there's other life out there are so weird.. u cant possibly start to imagine how big this galaxy is let alone th universe and u dont think there's any other life out there?? dumb. omggg i. love. any. potato. dish. yuuuuuum!! I miss Gina in b99. I have quite a few mutuals on here that i've been following for YEARS i wish i could send them all a hug. I simply don't get how you could be okay with being such a shitty person that ur a BILLIONAIRE but u dont give to others.... i wonder why people even WANT to have so much money like... up to a certain extent sure like i do believe money Can make up happy but at a certain point u already have everything u want so literally why not.. save people from dying on the streets like this is so weird. I loveeeeee this tomato-basil bread i once made i cant forget it it tasted like... pizza bread omg yum

#there's a limit to how long a post can be now??? idgi why #im thinking zbt so much more #ask #how are u!!!!

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iloveallmyexes · 2 years

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rant/vent post

tw fatphobia probably

my friends are so fucking annoying idk why they project their insecurities onto me all the time. i know like i seem like im unbothered and lowkey maybe ppl are jealous of me but thats not my problem? i am insecure. so fucking insecure. but i dont show it bc i dont wanna be a target and im still fucking targeted for it. the fact that my friends say that my diet is unhealthy and try to give me advice like….. ok u bitches are literally two hundred pounds and cant keep up when we walk down the street, but im the one whos unhealthy? at least i go to the gym? at least i eat vegetables? they think im unhealthy bc i drink diet coke like???? you hoes are drinking regular coke? stop comparing yourselves to me. keep that shit to yourself if youre mad you cant lose weight????? ive never once talked abt their bodies or even talked abt my ed with them. so why do they do this shit to me. they make me feel weird for not wanting fast food or for being vegan. they dont understand it. they are hurt when i dont eat what they made but 1. i am VEGAN 2. the vegan shit they make is so ass. and they also pretend to have eds? like i know i shouldnt invalidate anyones struggles esp w their body and food but the things they say are so vague and i feel like they say that shit to relate to me or something idk its just weird ass energy that i dont need? its so lame

#angel <3

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youmeanlove · 5 years

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could you talk more about ur s/i dr pepper? im curious abt him and i wanna know how he interacts w wilson

HEH. im gonna use third person pronouns for him bc its easier in this context but!!!

I WROTE AN ESSAY AND IT WONT LET ME ADD A READMORE IM SO SORRY

hes pretty much how i see my future if i succeeded professionally but epic failed in the emotional and mental department LOL! he’s a heart surgeon (?? maybe i havent decided on a specialty yet bc theyre all sexy) thats just tha tone tumblr post that says “the fact that i am constantly saying strange and unpleasant things is just part of my charm.”

for now unless i think of something better him and james were close in pre-med and medical school that they attended together! different specialties but they were able to talk enough to get rly close to each other and just have that classic gay academia friendship yknow? at that time in their lives they were both pretty..apathetic i guess? driven about their careers, but rly just floating along in other facets of life like their relationships and opinions and all that stuff! it was fun for a friendship but when you start getting gay for your bro and neither of you have the emotional capacity or strength to confront it things start to get a little messy lol...

james at that time was still the kind of veiled selflessness that he is when hes older but he was definitely very much aggressive about umm acting as if he had a complete sense of self and knew who he was/where we was going! it frustrated him that his good pal boston pepper had a habit of questioning everyones motives and feelings out loud which i slike so annoying boston please stop. and so eventually after enough of boston half-trying to place all the weight of their gay feelings on james and james completely ignoring it they kind of got into the ‘i like you and i dont want to so i am going to make myself hate you’ fight! it absolutely didnt work but they did both see it as a mutual agreement to back off and stop talking to each other as much : (((

so they moved on w their lives got jobs separate but close to each other and boston just watched as james got himself involved in 3 whole failed marriages and a ton of other girlfriends like :((( homie im sorry but ur gay.... boston wasnt doing much better tho he became even more like eeuuuuuuu world is a fuck born to say random thoughts that ocme to me in the middle of interactions and push everyone away because im ~~~weird~~~~...if that makes sense???

anyway they started working closely again around the time a year or two before house gathered up his first diagnostician team! it was very awks to see each other again but honestly neither of them rly tried to escape the situation bc like..hi old friend i love you so much lets sadly catch up over coffee....

writing this is making me realize i still havent figured out how we actually end up datingKJHFSJF is this just pining forever???? im not sure but!! their personalities are similar to how they were in college but with more intensity and more aversion to conflict. aka even more skirting around issues!

one thing is that boston is very umm..i guess it would seem to a lot of ppl hes someone that needs to be helped (not to say he isnt but he doesnt exactly like to be seen like that) which is just emotional candy for jamesKFHJFD he definitely worked more to insert himself into bostons life and habits and all that - partly as a way to just enter his life again and stay friends and partly bc he cannot hold back from trying to ‘fix’ ppl. boston was like okay yeah ill roll with this bc i miss my bro even tho it annoys me and makes me hella paranoid

im kind of losing the point here but! over time despite the fact that they both knew their reasoning for acting they way they are isnt really the best At All it did help to foster a friendship again and they do just act gay and kiss each other and dont talk about itJKFHSJ but dont worry itll be talked about it will.....

okay yeah i really got off track what i mean to say is. james likes to hover over boston and offer way too much attention under the guise of just wanting to be a friend and help the guy out! boston knows how wilson is and knows he wants to help boston to help himself and its a compeltely self-destructive selflessness but he wants to pretend he doesnt care and that this is all for friendship! they really offend each other a lot because of the different ways they care and interact but they do share similarities in how they finally Do talk about situations... when they both reach a certain point of frustrations theyll be completely honest tho it can all be a bit aggressive and DRAMATIC.

but no matter what dr pepper is a weird disconnected little man that cares about his patients but not himself (similar to wilson in that way) and all he wants to spend his time doing is sitting on the couch with wilson and complain about the news (which they do often)!

i guess at this point in the story in my head theyre very clashing in thier personalities but theyre so endeared and in love they just need to find a way to get past their inner issues and how they act in relationships and then boom! gay time! also they need to stop dating ladies theyre gay therye fucking ggay

THIS MADE NO SESNEJKFHSJF I HOPE U CAN GLEAN ANYTHING FROM IT!!!!

#im so sorry #Anonymous #mail #ship: i could do this all day

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kingdans · 7 years

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8 QUESTION TAG !

I was tagged a long long time ago by @extraongdinary and @ongniel-wan but u see.. i’m lazy af but i love these girls so much so i’m doing it today lmao

♡ ♡ ♡ Leah’s questions ♡ ♡ ♡

1. if you could only have one hairstyle for the rest of your life, what would it be?

oh god… i think i would keep my currently one? like.. just use it kinda short and big for the rest of my life and i’m okay with it lol

2. If you had the option to either get a personal video message from your bias but it deletes in 1 day and you cannot reproduce it or to get a signed poster but you could keep it forever, which one?

DANIEL YOU BETTER SEND ME THAT VIDEO ASAP !!!!!!!! (u can always buy signed stuff so i’ll def stick with the video and daniel’s voic saying ‘’hello val’’ KJBAKSHKJGSKAJGKJASKAJGDJA FCK)

3. If you could pick the fragrance that your bias wears, what scent would you pick for who?

I would pick woody essences for all my bias tbh, because its my favorite i would like to smell it on them

/creepy af/

4. what is your favorite place in the world and why?

My room. Because you see, my life is very very rushed i dont have much time to enjoy myself on weekdays, i spend the whole day at uni and when i get home i just wanna cry from exhaustion but i have to study :”) SO, i REALLY treasure the calmness of my room, cuz everytime i enter it i feel like i can just cry on my bed and sleep the shit outta me. I enjoy to just chill here :)

5. If you found a book with your life story written, would you read the end or be too scared to?

This is very tricky, i would probably be too scared but i think i would read it nways, i mean, we all gonna die, right? so i would like to know if i would die regreting something so i could try to fix it

6. what are your goals to accomplish by the end of 2017?

keep my grades steady, let my hair grow and lose weight so i can finally fit in my jeans without cry every morning :”)

7. How was your day?

LEAH YOU’RE SRSLY SO ADORABLE JFC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My day is so far so good? nothing really happened but i woke with ppl lying to me saying im pretty so im happy since then dlsdskahdlsada

8. Who would your idol best friend(s) be?

Hmmm, probably ong, jaehwan and jackson?!?!?! I really reaaaaaaaaally enjoy their personality so i would stick together with them if i could. They’re funny but they also get get serious when they need to

(minus you jaehwan)

so i feel like i could talk about anything with them and i really appreciate it :””)

♡ ♡ ♡ Nuria’s questions ♡ ♡ ♡

1. What kind of nightmares do you usually have?

I dont usually have nightmares?!?!?! but when i do it’s abt people i care leaving me or dying HSUAHSASA

IM SO DEPRESSIVE HELP

2. Being a month w/o your mobile or w/o your laptop/computer?

My computer, i can’t live without a smartphone, last time mine broke i spent 5moths almost going crazy and using a big ass tablet instead (the one of my HIGH QUALITY pic from the other tag)

3. What would you say to a friend whom you lost touch with?

“Hello there motherfucker how’s life without me? Hope it’s sucks:)”

4. You can only say one sentence to your bias, what would it be?

DANIEL STOP BEING SO FUCKING RUDE/CUTE JFC!!!

5. To have a nice day, what do you need?

Just my bed and nothing to do, these are my favorites.

6. Imagine everything is free in this world, what would you like to collect?

One piece mangas/HQ’s. Besides being a lonely sad fangirl i’m also a huge bigass loser one piece’s fan lmao i have it’s mangas and lot of figure actions :”)

7. What is the most innocent and purest thing that you saw today?

My reflection in the mirror dkhksdlhhkdskhlhkdl

8. Sky blue or Sea blue?

BOTH, blue is my favorite color ♡

SOOOOOOOOO, THAT’S IT. As u can see i’m boring af and i should tag someone to do that but i’m not creative to make questions SO IF ANY OF U GUYS WANNA DO THAT PLS USE THESE QUESTIONS ABOVE and tag me so i can see, of course.

Thanks leah and nuria for tag me, I love you guys ❤

#tag #jfc dskdashlsdka #it took me legit 2w to do that im so sorryyy #but also thanks #and sorry again for not tagging anyone lmao #this got so big lololol #excuse my typos #oh nuria since i answered it how about answer my tags too?!?!??! jfc

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momtaku · 7 years

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SnK Chapter 89 Poll Results

This poll closed with 770 entries. It was a lot to go through, but I appreciate the all the support. The poll was posted on Reddit and Tumblr, so I’m hopeful it’s a solid snapshot of how the fandom views the events of chapter 89.

What happened on the roof was too significant a moment for the characters to be completely unchanged by it. Anger, trust issues, grief were cited as factors. Interesting, many people saw the change as a potential positive.

My favorite positive comment:

Change, yes, but not necessarily damage. Their relationships will grow from this just as they have through every other arc.

This comment made me nod my head solemnly:

I REALLY hope so. I hated the serumbowl, but if it happened it might as well have some meaning and not have all the drama be just outta the moment. I wanna believe the characters have a say in where the story goes, and it's not just convenient so the plot can move to where Isayama wants to.

Many respondents noticed a general numbness in Levi’s demeanor. Several want to wait and see. But at this point, only 12.9% of respondents think Levi’s relationship with Eren and Mikasa is permanently damaged.

Levi doesn't seem to care about what's happening around him anymore, i don't think he''ll care about his relationships anymore. He looks like he's even starting to ignore his duties as a soldier.

I was expecting a more emotional response out of Levi but he's still hanging there. A lot of fans think he's much more distant after losing his liege but I feel like this sentiment is often what the fans want to see rather than what is happening? Levi behaves pretty kind to the kids the past few chapters though, even though they played a large part in his decision. Only time will tell I guess but I do wonder about his mental state...

Levi's rationality will help him cope with Erwin's loss in so many ways. On the other hand, his compassion will always make him understand what it's like to be in other people's shoes. After all the revelations, I'm pretty sure he has also considered Eren & Armin's time limit, and how Mikasa is taking it. He has always been that kind of person, rational and strong but never lacking in compassion.

To the mind of many, Hange is far less forgiving than Levi. 73% of respondents think her trust and faith in Eren and Mikasa is damaged, and 26.5% believe it’s permanent.

“Bitter Hanji is my life source. I need her backstory like I need air.”

Despite Hange’s open disagreement with Levi over the serum, 89% of respondents think their relationship will be ok. I agree.

The good news: 70.8% do not think Hange’s being cruel. Hange is stressed, heartbroken and grieving, and that may be making them more short-tempered than normal, but their behavior is not unreasonable.

The bad news: 20% of the fandom think she is being cruel. As someone on Reddit suggested, maybe we should put a fence around them.

I'm sorry for Eren, but also Hanji is really tired right now. She has a different position and has to face a lot of problems and other high ranked heads of the military divisions and making difficult decisions...and they just have not many time.

I loved Hanje in that chapter, I think a lot of ppl don't realise how alone Hanje is in this situation, their situation is even worse than Erwin imo. They have more enemies, less trusting comrades [Levi put his personal feelings 1st and reduce the chances of Humanity surviving...

she is being unreasonable, but i think it's a realistic portrayal of how someone would behave after going through so much like idk why people are acting like her behaviour is unfounded. like im not sayin hanji acted reasonsably, she didnt like she shouldve tried reasoning with eren instead but she obviously got frustrated because of the absolute shit everyones going through right now

From how she behaved during the actual serum bowl (tm) I think it's safe to say Hanji is a very empathetic, understanding and mature person. The problem right now is she doesn't know what Eren is going through and why he is behaving weirdly at this moment,in addition to being frustrated and not being able to understand Levi's decision.

I'm huffy about the Hanji hate... she's so stressed and grieving, people need to cut her some slack

Isayama did good! Despite all our theories, it appears that Ymir was an ordinary girl who was given an extraordinary name. 84.5% of respondents were satisfied with her backstory.

That said, many people think there’s more to the story. Don’t rule out those mystical ties just yet!

Well i know the People of Ymir share weird connections that even surpasses time... That Ymir's dancing titan looked hella like the Devil that gave Ymir Fritz powers.

I'm still expecting more to be revealed. Her past hasn't completely been showed to us and I still believe she's somehow connected to THE Ymir.

About 2/3 of the fandom agree that Ymir is too important for an offscreen death. Big thumbs up from me on this one! For those who think she’s dead, they are side-eyeing the Quadrupedal Titan.

I believe Ymir was eaten to make the Quadrupedal Titan. The way they both stand on all fours makes me believe that. Also, Ymir's disappearance and The Quadrupedal Titan's appearance.

I sometimes think of these polls as an “ask the audience” test since usually the majority is right. That won’t work for the question of whether Reiss and Fritz are the same or a different bloodline. With almost 800 respondents, the fandom is equally divided on this point.

32.6% do not think time travel will be a part of this story. 22.1% do. If time travel is a factor, 48% are ok with that if it’s well written. 30% will be disappointed.

My personal feeling align with this:

I HATE TIME TRAVEL WHY ISAYAMA I TRUSTED YOU Dammit

I’m hopeful if the story goes this way, Yams will pull it off successfully.

Most people believe Eren Jaeger is the source of Kruger’s memory of Mikasa and Armin. The most popular write-in entry was Grisha. In retrospect, I should’ve added him as an option.

Past, present, and future exist simultaneously. Eldians are magically connected, so they can "leak" their memories/thoughts to each other across time. The Coordinate just make this process very efficient.

I’m happy to report that my favorite Commander Handsome is still loved and missed by the majority of the fandom, at least on Tumblr! I was told that most of the 25.7% who disregard him at this point are the Redditors who chimed in :)

He would be 200% more stressed out, with more weight on his shoulders and with 199 new ghosts judging him 24/7.

Because I personally favor the vets, I assume the majority of my tumblr followers do as well. This makes me wonder if the results of these polls are slanted in their favor. This month, however, this wasn’t the case. Fans of the 104th had a nearly equal voice.

Some Final comments

I can’t list them all, but here’s a sample of the final chapter thoughts:

“Reiner looked really handsome this chapter. This is not important but appreciated.”

“I really enjoyed the flashback! I feel like many other major series get boring after the underwhelming reveal (since fans just want to see the series finish after the theories parts are done) but I felt like snks "truth" lived up to its hype.”

“Nobody's talking about the men who venerated Ymir have the same clothes as the people from the wall cult ...”

“Eren aknowledged Mikasa's existence! Yay!!”

“Jean acting as Hanji's assistant--make Moblit proud man! You go Jean, let those leadership qualities shine! :P”

“I'm worried that Eren won't trust others with the information about Dina, and that withholding the information will have bad consequences :/”

“The utter lack of focus towards what happened between Armin and Bertholdt and Armin's new powers is so bizarre to me. Like really, Bert's death has been so poorly handled.”

“Where's Annie”

“pls let ymir be alive and gay”

“Recent reveals have been great, I hope the characters will start to take action with what they know soon.”

“More heart-break and intrigue, but this is Attack on Titan so what else is new, lol!”

“Mindblown since 5 chapters^tm, give me the Ackertalk and some love for Mikasa and Levi-they look both done af and bring Ymir back”

“I'm so loving the latest chapters & these info reveals. So complex & cast may qs abt humanity's nature. Everyone can be right or wrong, evil or good depending on the perspective. I do strongly believe there's hope & the cycle will be broken. most likely, Eren would sacrifice himself somehow.”

“I hope that Mikasa's weight loss isn't just a throw away line and that she gets treated more like a main character. Oh and that we finally get the Ackertalk!”

“Levi looks so done...”

“For the love of everything can we please have these characters talk to each other. Eren talk to Mikasa, Mikasa talk to Levi, Levi talk with Hanji just open up the thought chambers. Lord. We've been waiting on ackertalk for 84 years...”

#snk chapter 89 #snk poll #snk 89 #snk analysis #thank you everyone!

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loveafuckup · 4 years

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**tw:ed, weight gain/loss, calories, food, literally dont read this i just need to vent n dont wanna upset anyone**

ik no one is gonna see this so rant/vent time

so ive been ‘dealing’ w an ed since ive been in middle school n no one rlly knows abt it except for one person who i used to minimally vent to which i cant do anymore bc ppl are scaryy but anyways my weight has fluctuated between like 114 n 104 for the past two years bc i go through periods where i try to eat more n dont excercize so pretty much everytime i lose weight i start feeling guilty bc its so hard to not eat food given to you w/o feeling guilty for throwing it out n lying to everyone but during quarantine i started losing weight again until i rlly tried to start eating more for that person but it was rlly hard n didnt last long so i started distancing myself from them bc ✨guilt✨ and i didnt notice bc i look like a fat piece of shit no matter what but ive lost like 10-15 pounds and am at 95 rn which i wasnt expecting bc i cant weigh myself at home but my friend has a scale in her room so i weighed myself at her house where i was sleeping over for 2 nights n i was in such a shit mood the whole time bc all i could think abt was my weight n they kept wanting to make food n would kept offering me some when i refused so i havent eaten since i got home bc i feel like im gonna gain weight i havent been under 100 pounds since i was a child n this is the first time ive reached a goal weight i thought id be happy but i just feel worse bc now the only somewhat attractive parts of my body are gross my ass is GONE (not that there was much there) my hip bones jut out n i have the worst hip dips now n my ribs barely even fucking show which ik is still unhealthy but like i wanna be either a skeleton or skinny enough but w a lil ass n my boobs have gotten like four sizes smaller or smth (32ddd to a 28d) none of my clothes fit me now n my parents havent bought me clothes in three years bc im not appreciative enough n dont want to wear what my mom wants me to wear i eat less than 600 calories everyday (if i eat) but my mom tells me i eat too much n yells at me whenever im in the kitchen so even if i wanted to recover i couldnt i tried to lowkey talk abt this when i was at my friends w/o sounding disordered n blamed the weight loss on quarantine so they wont get sus but before i weighed myself i didnt know i lost weight n thought my boobs just got smaller bc of women things so i dont them n one of them was suprised when i said i was confused bc i havent lost weight but to her i had n then one of my friends said i wasnt obese before which just makes it sound like i was fat which ig i was bc ppl comment on my weight a lot like i thought i was just a little bit chubby but ig not so now i just feel like shit bc even tho i lost like 10-15 pounds in like two months im still at a normal weight so its not even like im unhealthy so i couldnt get help or just tell my friends abt it bc they wouldnt believe me so yeah idk where i was going w this but i just needed to say it somewhere :) (if you relate to anything i said feel free to message me if you wanna talk i wont judge ik how hard this can be)

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