#im lucky coffee doesnt make me anxious doesnt upset my tummy doesnt really do anything to me except taste good

[mejomonster]

Im doing the fun part of writing: just wrote my cast, the locations, now jotting down the key scenes <3

Thw hard part: knowing once im fleshing this put eaxh key scene is going to blossom into 4-8 somehow and turn into 2k minimum each but possibly 10k words and then. And THEN. Hardest of all my adhd kick my ass and ill get 20,000 words in and lose my ability to focus for several weeks and be so sad i cant fucking focus and write and like 200 words will come out after 4 hours of effort and damn it

#rant #mejo writing #i looked up over the counter options for adhd and im crushed tbh #it said caffeine was pretty much the only option that worked. i already drink 1 pot a day #i dont think more coffee will have any additional help for me. i already drink primarily coffee from 8 am to 6 pm #the other suggestion was nicotine and nope not doing that #the last was Alternate caffeine options like 5 hour energy or mountain dew. and again #im already having a pot of coffee i dont think more caffeine will do anything to help #im lucky coffee doesnt make me anxious doesnt upset my tummy doesnt really do anything to me except taste good #so if its helping focus its a win win since id drink it anyway #but it clearly aint helping enough ;-; #im very scared to even try asking my new therapist for help #cause 1 im succeeding at my job! i do ALL the fucking adhd coping strategies so yeah. im doing fine at work #exhaustsd but managing. so i doubt shed give me medicine since im managjng even if it runs me down #and then 2 i got gastroparesis that acts bad with all mental health meds ive tried #(as in my gi tract just stops moving more. even oj ones meant to speed the gi tract up like setraline and prozac #so i dont kjow if an adhd med would also freeze up my gi tract more. which. i just cannot do that #i cant deal with Worse gastroparesis again im not vomiting daily again straving for weeks again im #not willing to suffer that again. so if i had that reaction id try like 3 days) #i am so jealous of ppl with meds. id do neurofeedback for adhd again but it was exoensive and im tired 1 session a week was a lot #and it kicked up my panic attacks which. is why i stopped)