#im imagining raccoons are not well-known by wizarding standards and that wherever he lives there are raccoons

[bellaxisworld]

february 23, @jegulus-microfic prompt: alley. word count: 519

crackfic. enjoy!

James Potter was not known for making very smart decisions. In fact, on any given day, it could be said that James Potter was undoubtedly, one-hundred-percent, certainly making bad, bad, very poor choices. His very loving friends knew to keep an eye out for his dangerous shenanigans. Mostly, his dangers were accidental. He was clumsy or did something stupid—by accident. He was labeled as a local hazard. 

Unfortunately for everyone, today was no different. 

James took a shortcut home—through a dark and dingy alley; none of its grim qualities raised any alarm bells in his head. He was skipping alone, minding his own—when he came across a miracle. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜。.

Regulus was having a peaceful evening—a rare occurrence, being the boyfriend of one local hazard named James Potter. Regulus was relaxed, curled up sitting with a book by the window, watching the rain pitter-patter away.

The door banged open and Regulus sighed heavily, expecting chaos to ensue. James was a storm, barging into every room like some kind of natural disaster. But oh, did Regulus adore him, and every moment spent with James was worth it. James’ chaos was simply endearing, even if Regulus needed to be on high-alert all the time. 

James crashed into the room holding a—

“What the fuck?”

James positively beamed, “Regulus! I found a—I don’t even know, honestly, what this is—I think it’s some kind of miracle!” 

The furry gray thing in James’ arms was wriggling. 

James continued, “Reg, I just found it an alley, can you believe it? It must be some kind of-of miracle animal breeding, really—it looks like a cat and a dog had a baby!” He sounded so giddy.

Regulus squealed, backing away from his boyfriend, “James—” 

“Or perhaps a panda? It has weird fur lines around its eyes—” James was looking at the animal curiously, held up to his eyeline.

Regulus held his arms around his stomach protectively. “Potter! That is not a hybrid—”

James looked up, excited. “You’ve seen this before?”

He was about to have a meltdown. James just brought an alley rodent into their shoebox apartment. “It’s a fucking racoon, James!” 

James’ childish wonder did not fade. “What’s a—a raccoon?” 

“That! That thing, with the gray fur and dark mask around its eyes—and the stripy tail. A raccoon. Raccoons, James, are not friendly animals—”

James scoffed. “Please, Reg—he’s plenty friendly. I still think he’s a panda-cat-dog mix.” 

“He’s a rodent!”

James gasped. “Like Peter?”

“Yes! Just like Peter, but bigger and probably carrying more diseases from some dingy alley.” 

James was just standing by the front door, examining the rather calm rodent in his arms. The raccoon was large—James was holding it with both arms wrapped around. James looked rather put-out. He looked up at Regulus with wide eyes. “So—you won’t—I mean, we can’t—keep him?” 

Regulus blinked at him. “No, sweetheart. We’re not keeping him. Hazard behavior, James.” 

James and the raccoon said their goodbyes, but James never forgot his miracle. He kept a picture of the raccoon in his wallet. 

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ dedicating this to everyone who fed into my raccoon fanatics the past few weeks. im losing the plot, but it's just a bit of fun <3

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