#im actually left handed myself!

[turbidapoplexy]

i despise ibispaint but i cant pull my art tablet out rn

#stridercest #wip #.png #because i have actual work to do. spare time doodle i guess #i've trained myself to keep my left hand on ctrl z #so i do that on my laptop with my non-art tablet out and it does absolutely fuckall #and then im like . looks down. i guess i have to learn this program. i'd rather not. #also drawing on a reg tablet the pen feels weird and soft and grotesque #it's not a stabilizer issue i used to do 0-1 stab when i used sai and it was fine i think i'm just too used to hard nibs #basically u can use ur imagination and transformify this into b&w #for ideal parallel-ing i need to add bro to the 2nd panel later but idk if i want D in the 4th so i'll think on that #ibis also does the incredibly annoying photoshop thing where it tracks your layer visibility with ctrl-z like gtfo #but at least i can autohotkey photoshop into keyboard remaps if i wanna and at least it's on pc and i don't need to use a soft stylus #i wanna parallel it more so that dirk's position in 4 is somewhat similar to bro's in 1 so i'll think on that too #u know that quote. 'you're just like your father.' yeah

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk #i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting #it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer. #i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love. #im not the type you launch a thousand ships for. #so what's left? #who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture. #i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for. #im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now. #except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving. #i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around. #how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too. #its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like #ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out. #ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing #the trail? how do i become myself happy and free? #because i WANT to be more #i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy #but i dont know how to get there #and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me #all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself #i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do #anyway. #anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol #im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good. #please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM #lilac rambles

[finnstansonly]

do y'all feel pain in ur dreams? like actual pain? bc i do. not all the time like sometimes its normal where i get hurt in the dream and i know that im hurt so i react and imagine that it hurts but sometimes there is actual physical pain. Like i am aware in the dream that it genuinely hurts. similarly but not i also sometimes will be aware that i am moving my actual physical mouth while talking in a dream and it freaks me out for a few seconds before the distraction of awareness ends and i get back to whatever was going on in my dream.

anyway does that ever happen to y'all

#the pain or being aware of ur real life body moving in ur dream #also im a very still sleeper but sometimes when im fighting in a dream i take it too serious and wake up bc im fighting w my actual body #mos dream journal #anyway i brought it up bc some man sliced my arm w knife in my dream and that shit hurt so bad and lasted til the end of the dream #like it was a DEEP cut and i was fighting him i had to take the knife he cut me with and defend myself w my left hand but i got him back ba

[wandringaesthetic]

I think the introversion/extroversion paradigm is probably wrong and the real question is not "would you prefer to be with other people more often or would you prefer to be alone more often?" But "how often is an interaction with the average person going to be positive, for you?"

#because ugggggh #if i express myself in a way that feels natural to me or heaven forfend if I actually try to be clever #like 90% of the time the reaction is #huh??? #i feel like i go through most conversations with most people left handed and backwards #and ive learned how to do it but I'll never be good at it and it's exhausting #and you're supposed to speak to people you're supposed to be friendly #oh why oh why when i have correctly judged that i will not like speaking to you and you will not like speaking to me #i am doing it for other people when i get nothing or very little out of it #don't listen to me im tired

[analogboii]

so i took off my hat while i was delivering today for lunch and the regional manager happened to be there and he tried to give me shit for it but i wasn't in the mood.

like bro YOU have someone attack you with a knife and only get away with getting knicked. like if my hat is rubbing and irritating my scar im taking it off for a bit get fucked dude im wearing literally everything else and I'm not in the kitchen I'm in my car

#like i wore it more than usual today too and pushed myself a little too much and got an ocular migraine #esp in my left eye. it felt like it was gonna fall out fr #im also just extra irritable lately ugh #im ready to throw hands with anyone and everyonr atp #sometimes it hurts more than the actual stab wounds i got lmfao dickdofk

[lee-vi6]

.

#another random thing #this happened a couple days ago now but it keeps popping up in my mind #i was hanging with friends and we were talking about if being left handed makes you left footed #i was like “ohh i don't actually know if i'm left footed just because im left handed hmm” #and then this one girl who i am friends with but not close tells me to stand up and face away from her #im obviously very apprehensive as to what she's about to do #the second i turn my back on her she shoves me #not hard at all #just enough to jolt me forward unexpectedly #and my right foot comes forward first to steady myself instead of my left one sooo she says i'm right footed #and then i obviously sit down like nothing happened #BUT #the question is...why was i like??? turned on????? #i'm not attracted to her physically at all so its not even about her but just what happened to me if that makes sense #do i just enjoy getting manhandled and pushed around that much??? that i dont care which gender does it?? #goddamn #i cant even put into words how it makes me feel when i remember it and its a bit embarrassing to admit #im just getting such butterflies in my stomach (and pussy)

[cherrysnax]

trying not to post too much during the strike to keep focus on Everything but I need to get out of my head a lil

#took a gap year because school was killing me #then the year I wanted to go to college covid started and then since then I’ve been rotting in my room becoming more and more disabled #it’s. #going to be scary this year trying to undo all the damage and anxiety #meeting new people #trying to really act like a 23 year old #being a freshman in college at 23 was never my plan but I thought I was going to die at 19 #things have changed. I.. left a lot of people behind due to that thinking #and undiagnosed bpd #and it sucks. I keep having dreams abt hs and realizing that I was never alone #and im not alone now even though sometimes it feels like it #im taking my health into my own hands and actually trying to live instead of watching my life go by and it’s weird taking a front seat again #not in the did sense. I’ve had a pretty tight rein on the front for the last few years #but. im trying to be a person again. seeing myself as a person again #I uh. am 99 percent sure I have nerve damage. I have to talk to my pcp about it next time after the next few tests I take #and um wow. it really affects my hands and fingers #and as you all know me and my butch have a comic we’re working on together #I see as you know like ppl r actually gonna read this lmao fhdha well besides you. 👁️👁️ #jk sorry it that triggered anyone’s paranoia im just sillay. but yeah I uh #never have worked on something this long and this hard before PAUSE. And uh it means a lot to the both of us. we have so many comic ideas #but so far sys! is the one nearest and dearest to my heart and the idea that I won’t be able to draw it after spending years practicing #to get better and better uh hurts. I’d uh rather be in pain making the comic than live never making it #but it’s not just abt me in the end isn’t it. I miss people I used to know #random thought sorry. accidentally found someone I used to know in the wild and then it clicked after I followed them. felt like it would #be weird to take it back so now im just hoping im not recognized mostly out of. shame I guess. idk. I don’t remember things well #memory problems + bpd lying to me yknow. but uh. idk maybe these dreams and these feelings mean that in order to reach my dreams I have to l #like. honour the weird kid that I was and by doing that #I have to acknowledge that shit I abandoned everyone before they could abandon me. and maybe that’s just how I see it now #maybe no one actually gave a shit and I just faded out of existence for fun but avoiding things is how I ended up perpetually in my bedroom #barely able to stand and very scared of the world. how I ended up not improving at art for years because I was to scared to something difrnt

[todayisafridaynight]

me and my sister went to the mall today and we ran into hot topic so fucking fast it was unbelievable. me and my sister are literal opposites when it comes to fashion. she picked pink, pastel shit like she was trying to be all uwu kawaii meanwhile im just standing here with my arms full of emo and goth shit, i legit felt like daigo and masato with all this emo drip i had walked out with. (p.s. they should put yakuza stuff in hot topic if they havent already because i have yet to have any yakuza related things in my room </3 also hot topic is like the only store i will shop at)

im so sorry to say these words to you but reading this reminded me of my immortal

#snap chats #I ALSO HAVE NO ROOM TO TALK THOUGH CAUSE I LITERALLY JUST GOT BACK FROM HOT TOPIC AND SPENCERSLKEAKVJA #rubbing off my fucking eyeliner as we speak im no better than a goffick and im sure the stuff you got was actually real fire and im jealous #i actually wore my hakuho pin out today- i pinned it on my back jean jacket. not to flex on you or anything 🥴 #i remember the day my college friend said something about me being goth and i looked like a dumbass saying 'im not goth...' #when all i ever did was wear black. and tbf i toned it down a LOT while i was at school. i wanted to be normal-passing 😭😭 #that aside i only went in to get jewelry and a new belt chain. also a kirby keychain and nail polish #but like it was that Blackheart brand so you know i just wanted it for the skull container and the name. also i was running out #my hot topic really doesnt have any clothes- or at least clothes i fuck with like its mostly skirts and puffy-sleeved shirts #and yeah those are epic and awesome but they're not my style yk. love it on other people just not on me #i usually get my clothes from like. express or skate shops. very different fashions as you can see LMAOOO #like today i got this really pretty crane shirt and then like. i got a black-and-white striped long sleeve with a skeleton hand patch LMAO #UGH im pissed i didnt get the red and black variant too but i didnt think bout it til i already left #i want to get new boots- the ones i have now are great and i love them but i want something chunkier #my 'goth' fashion is really lowkey honestly like i hardly consider myself goth cause of it- its very casual ig #ignore the fuck-you amount of rings i wear ok. theyre pretty..... also they have certain meanings sometimes #like i wear an owl ring cause it reminds me of my sis since she loved owls growing up and went to a uni with an owl mascot #i wear a dragon ring sometimes cause dragons remind me of my dad. for whatever reason. #idk its cause he tried to convince me i was born year of the dragon when i wasnt ?? idk funny guy lmao #and then i already said i wore snake stuff and crosses cause I Hate My Mom. also i was born a snake #also my dads a christian so :] i will wear two cross rings and a cross necklace tyvm love you pops i wish you were around more #uhhh did i want to say anything else. idk im just dumping about my emo bullshit thanks for reading ☠️☠️ #if this wasnt my yakuza blog id actually just show the haul i got today BUT i will spare you lot from my emo bullshit #ok ill kill the tags here now im SILLY

[orcelito]

Can't let anyone forget about my practically obscene love of mushrooms. I will post about it constantly.

#speculation nation #im a little freak actually so i hope my collection of new followers r fine with that #loving mushrooms is not freak material but the level that i love them kind of is #this isnt even getting into my other odd eating habits. of which i have many. #or my habit of sampling anything and everything at work so long as it's Technically edible #up to and including plain matcha concentrate and rose concentrate and vanilla paste #and hazelnut extract and vanilla extract and caramel extract and #ive eaten plain coffee beans before and in fact DELIGHT in taking the lemon ginger shots. just plain lemon juice mixed with ginger juice #ginger juice as in just juice from the ginger. not a ginger beer no just straight ginger concentrate. i love that shit. #let's see what are other things ive sampled at work...? #plain sugar syrups. always awful. hate sweet shit like that. i will still sample them tho if i get some on me #uhm. boba dough. which ive heard unprocessed tapioca is uh. toxic. but i think ours is processed? #i havent gotten poisoned from it yet! and handmade boba dough is actually pretty tasty #raw store bought boba is one of the worst tastes and textures ive ever experienced tho #which yes i have sampled that too. and spat it out bc i couldnt bring myself to swallow. awful awful awful. #it's kinda a running joke at my workplace that i will sample basically Anything #i cant help it 😭 the other day there was a lil bit of vanilla paste left over on the tablespoon #so i just went and dripped it into my mouth w/o thinking on my way to put the tablespoon in the dish area #& the employee just saw me physically cringe. drop the tablespoon at the sinks. then rush to the hand washing sink to rinse my mouth #& he was just like. 'did you just SAMPLE that????' #& i had to be like. '....yeah😭😭😭😭😭' #to b fair some months ago he saw me sample the rose extract. run to the sink to rinse my mouth #then 15 mins later. not learning my lesson. sample the vanilla extract. then run to the sink to rinse my mouth. #the vanilla extract was slightly nicer than the rose extract. bc at least it didnt make my tongue numb (like the rose did) #Flavor Shock. that shit's real man #anyways ramble post is rambles. i just dont want anyone to think im cool or anything lmfao

[bryverros]

every time i think about tdot, i instanly have one song playing in my head. right where you left me. it just captures the feeling of merlin finale so well? it feels like the endless wait, like never fully moving on, like never completely recovering from losing someone. it feels like the constant reflection on what was and it feels so utterly gloomy. it feels like trying to move on, trying to keep living and yet there's always a shadow of the crashed hopes and dreams, and of the groudless hope that, maybe, one day, something will be different. it feels like merlin, forever waiting for arthur to come back.

#i wish i was better with words but whatever #thanks for coming to my ted talk #it's actually not my #that one is purely the feel and i cant explain it #right where you left me on the other hand #loop it every time i want to think about tdod pt2 #so im looping it today and feeling very sorry for myself and for everyone else #merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin bbc #taylor swift

[came0dust]

frankly i like the things i learned while making this more than the result itself and i wasnt really sure i even wanted to post it in part due to that but if i do keep iterating on the process i used during it, i feel this is valuable context

oh also before i forget: the sketch was done using this brush instead of the one i made earlier

#my art #medibang paint #hades game #for those of you who saw my last art for this game: i am much further along than i was before. i saw the credits 👍 #anyways... i dont like how i drew his face really. like For him. shape is all wrong. still struggle with lips from angles like this #but i really like my coloring here. polyline tool you are my best friend forever and ever #but im also trying to not make most of my art on my phone like ive been doing lately bc it wreaks havoc on my spine and hands and like. #those things are pretty important. but the siren song of 'oooo its meeee firealpaca but Portable' is nigh irrestible to me #it is a very specific form of hell i think. alas. also what the fuck is with my diction lol #<- the effects of posting on a whim at 11pm instead of giving myself time to think about the post without also being about to go to sleep #would say 'cant believe im stuck just drawing guys facing to the left if i want to actually get anything done' but its been happening #for long enough that ive accepted it as a small rut ill hopefully be out of soon. gotta get on my gesture drawing grind

[jorvikzelda]

I finished the stripe B)

#well. like. #I actually did like half an hour ago and now I’ve spent the past half hour winding the next yarn colour into a ball #you see the blanket has a previous incarnation which was shit and bad #and I decided not to put myself through the hell of unwinding it All At Once so now instead im doing it colour by colour #so before i move on from one stripe to the next I have to first wind the next stripe into a ball #and the old blanket is so badly made that it takes a really long time because the yarn is like. all tangled up in itself #ALSO I FUCKED UP MY FINGER SO BAD MAN #I won’t go into detail because thinking about it has my anxiety acting up and I know I’m not the only person with Issues on here #*into detail about The Causing Of The Injury. i am in fact going into detail about the following idiocy and annoyingness that it entails #but cw/tw for like. I’m talking about a minor injury in the form of a small cut/scratch #but basically i fucked around and found out a bit too hard earlier today and now i have like a. shallow cut. scratch. whatever running along #my left middle finger. (also because this is tumblr I will add please note it was not on purpose I was genuinely just being stupid as hell.) #it is relevant that it is specifically my left middle finger. why you may ask? well. i am right handed. so i hold my crochet hook in my #right hand. and as a consequence my yarn in my left. and my yarn runs between. you guessed it. my middle and index fingers. meaning it runs #right above my middle finger knuckle. which. you guessed it. is where my little scratch cut is. and I was AGAIN an idiot so I was not #wearing a bandage. (thought it was fine because it had already kinda scabbed over.) and then i get off my what. 2? 3? hours of crochet and #go to brush my teeth and im like oh wow why is that all irritated. and then im like. OHHHH FUCK I HAD SCRATCHY WOOL YARN RUNNING OVER IT. #so yeah I am adding unscented soap And saline to my shopping list for tomorrow ! #and praying to every god on earth and beyond it doesnt get infected #(it probably wont like. ive had cat scratches that were realistically probably worse than this. plus I’m taking vitamin gummies that are #specifically immune system boosting since like a week back because I got tired of getting a bunch of colds so hopefully they will also help #my nice little white blood cells fight off any bacteria here :) )

[joshuamj]

One of my favorite strange hobbies is tricking people into thinking im left handed

In a badminton club and i absolutely suck ass at serving, but when playing with a friend he randomly started trying to play with his left hand so i did too. And every. Single. Serve. Was good. Flawless.

So i started doing that in club bracket tournaments the other day and multiple people went "wait, ur left handed???" And im just like No. And dont elaborate

#josh talks #after the serve id just switch hands again lol #i can play lefty the whole time just slightly less good #and it was very noticeable since we have few lefties in the club and cuz im known for being a Shit Server #so me actually serving good caught a lot of eyes #anyway i do have a history of this #doing weirdly well with my left hand and baffling people #one of my closest friends thought i was a lefty #cant write or draw lefty tho 😔 #debating teaching myself to tho #i feel the universe intended to make me abidextrous but didnt finish the job

[maythray]

trying so very hard to eat but i went out to grab a dish to eat ofd of and found my roommates agaid left them all dirty inside of the cabinet. like whats your fucking issue WHATS YOUR ISSUE can you die please. for me.

#i cannot Eat properly if what im eating from isnt confirmed to be clean and now i cany even trust that my own fucking dishes #LIKE #I ASK THEM CONSTANTLY TO CLEAN MY STUFF A CERTAIN WAY AND THEY JUST DONT #CAUSE THEYRE LIKE "OHH BUT THIS KIND OF SOAP DOESNT COME OFF MY HANDS :(' YES IT DOES YOU JUST STILL FEEL IT CAUSE YOUR HANDS ARE CLEAN #CAUSE IT ACTUALLY CLEANS!!!!!!! #KILL YOURSELF!!!! #every day im tempted to stop letting them use any and all of my dishes. #like. you want silverware? sorry get your own. you want a plate? a bowl? get your own. a cup? get your own. #im sick of this #im most mad about my french press that one of my roommates used #and tyen just left the tea in there? like all night and half of the next day. #AND THEN WHEN I DUMPED IT OUT AND ASKED HER TO CLEAN IT LATER SHE SAID SURE! AND THEN LEFT FOR THE WEEKEND #FOR THE LOVE OF GOD #I HATE YOU #YOURE NASTY!!! YOU ARE NASTY!!! YOUR SPACE IS NEVER CLEAN AND I NEED CLEAN SPACES OR ELSE ILL START DRIVING MYSELF INSANE!!!! #i hate them #theres one person in tnis entire dorm i like cause shes also cares about things being clean like me

[tchaikovskym]

i know i thought that having multiple small jobs would keep you fresher and keep you from growing tired from doing the same thing again and again, but now that i have like 4 things that each do not take up that much time, i'm still stressed about schedule crashes, like. how will i live.

#im stressing before clashes have happened #but man #i need a priority #first is my school as it has always been #second is my... job? #probably the lab assistant job bc it goes hand in hand with my school #the third is my simulations job #and the last is the project where i already managed to leave a bad impression of myself #so like. the project will end in december #and i will be left with more time to breathe #and less money haha #life is pain #why did i actually follow through with a phd #anyway if it gets too bad im gonna bail out

[cherry-shipping]

BTW during my nightly nap i had a dream abt horrortale sans...... it was sorta all over the place cause i fell asleep watching youtube so it affected the course of my dream a lot but i think it was something along the lines of him working someplace on the surface and saw me from afar semi-regularly and was like. really weirdly fixated on me. but he was totally nuts about it too like hed follow me around with the sole intention of trying to figure out WHY he was fixated on me and what id done to make it that way. like. obviously there was something mega suspicious about me since he couldnt get me out of his head and also he thought i was the one stalking HIM because i kept showing up in places he went to. like i remember he had some special quiet place near his work where hed go to watch a nearby lake and calm down (super cute) and it was way behind some bushes and shit so it was like a secret for him. but then he went there one day and i was there napping in the grass and he was like ok what the fuck. anyway all in all it was a good dream and i think thats sort of what hed be like, even just regular sans is like that too. also my appearance in this dream was that of my self insert which was neat and also there was a part where he was watching me in secret and i was stressed out and he saw me take my eyepatch off and stab myself in the fucking eye over and over again and he was like. woah Thats just like when i pick my broken eyesocket....... and it was like a whole thing. lmfao

#cherry chats #bf (bone friend) #long and jumbled ass post but whatever it was a dream so it was pretty messy already #another fun thing was that at times hed see me pass by his workplace and he would be dead set on following me #so hed just up and leave. not even on break or anything like he just Left #and if any of his human coworkers tried to stop him he would literally grab them and break their arms #like. they reach out a hand he grabs it and just fucking crushes it #like that scene in from dawn til dusk. if anyone remembers that. #and that was like a regular thing. dunno how he didnt get fired but it was funny as hell #in fact i think he even regularly crushed peoples fucking skulls with his huge hands too #he would leave to follow me around like a huge weird creep and if anyone tried to get him to stay he grabbed their head and crushed it #like. completely silent and nonchalant and still on his way out.enriuhgeruihgwg9prodgboirdhfg #anyway. it was cool i fucknig love that freak #and i also love my self insert a whole bunch. theyre also fucking weird #i wonder if i should make that eye stabbing when stressed thing an actual habit of theirs.....? #itd be cool and a fun parallel between sans' eye picking habit #but also the eyepatch is based off of my eyesight being garbage on my right eye #and at one point the eye doctor said i might have to get an eyepatch on my LEFT eye (the good one) so the bad one could get better #so if im realistic then my s/i would have one functioning eye thats covered by their eyepatch and then one shitty eye #but the eyepatch is also bloody. maybe i should just let myself be edgy and say the doctors removed their eye or something LOL #aaarghhh. i love horrortale so much. fuck