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doderyscoffee · 2 years

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safe & sound (pt. ii) | z.cl

after the second rebellion, an unsuccessful attempt to overthrow panem’s government, the districts are once again subject to the notorious hunger games. except, this time, the games have been given a little twist. now faced with the possibility of having two victors from the same district return home, two district 7 tributes are forced to overcome their life-long rivalry to make it out in one piece.

PAIRING: tribute!zhong chenle x tribute!fem!reader (oc)

CHARACTER(S): ft. nct and red velvet members

GENRE&AU(S): angst, enemies to lovers, slow burn, love triangle(ish), forced proximity, hunger games!au, tribute!au, dystopian!au

WARNINGS: language, major(ish) and minor character death, death, murder (descriptive), gore, blood, chemical burns, mentions of suicide/ideation, death threats, hunting, ticks, trypophobia, drinking, beginnings of alcoholism, hallucinations, mentions of cannibalism (non-descriptive), mentions of raw skin, mentions of throwing up, mentions of being cut, mentions/implications of ptsd and depression, bittersweet ending, Y/N and Chenle are both 16, Sungchan is 17, Y/N and Chenle both kill,Y/N has a scar on her leg, Y/N sees dead people, inaccurate portrayal of learning how to throw a knife, inaccurate portrayal of preparing medicine, some inaccuracies for sake of plot, please tread lightly if any of these topics are triggering to you and let me know if i missed anything!

LENGTH: 21.2k words

AUTHOR’S NOTE: here is the second part of my fic for @neo-shitty‘s game of survival collab! i am both happy and sad to have finished this fic and it holds a special place in my heart. although i do feel like it is a little rushed in some places, i do love it! please remember that the hunger games is gory and devastating with themes of murder and death. this fic is no different.so if this is not your scene or something you might be upset by, don’t read it. this is your warning and you know what you can handle. as always, please let me know if you enjoyed this! feedback is always appreciated. and may the odds be ever in your favor. (p.s. i made a playlist for this, so enjoy the heartbreak x2)

TAG LIST: @neo-shitty @neowritingsnet @quokkacore @jenlvr01 @fullsunicfics @winsmoke @kiiaraplay @fourleighter @4-eternity @chokowako @hotdogct @cappujeno @fixxxxxxxcs @haepii @stardust150-0 @daegalzhong @aquamxrina @malineoo

Someone shook me awake when the morning light seeped into the hollow. I blinked once, twice, three times until the blur of black, brown, and green came into focus, and I nearly jumped when I saw who crouched in front of me.

Chenle watched me with a hint of an amused smile, one hand on my arm and my water bottle in the other. I pushed his hand away and took the bottle.

He looked ten-times better than when I had found him. The color had returned to his cheeks, his brow was void of sweat, his breaths no longer heavy. My theory was right: the suma root was enhanced enough to get him walking overnight. I laughed.

“What?”

I placed the bottle between my legs. “You’re healed.”

He nodded and reached inside of my pack, rummaging through it as if it were his own. He pulled out a few strips of dried beef and the bag of nuts, dividing them equally between us. Did the suma root have some type of nice drug in it, too?

I nibbled on a strip of beef. It was rock-hard and seemed to have become saltier since I had last eaten it. By the face Chenle made, I knew that it wasn’t just me who was disgusted by it.

“Did you dip these in the sea?” he asked, reaching for the water to cleanse his tongue.

I grabbed the bottle from him as soon as he stopped drinking. “Do you see a sea around here?”

He ignored my comment, holding his hand out for the water once I was finished with it. We did this for the rest of our pathetic excuse of a breakfast. Take a bite of dried beef. Drink. Hand over the water. Repeat.

I stuffed the handful of nuts in my mouth and washed it down with one last gulp. Chenle did the same, tapping the bottle’s bottom until the last drop fell on his tongue. “We need to get more water,” he said.

“We won’t be able to drink it until tomorrow morning.”

“Why not?” He put the bottle back in the pack.

“We have to purify it first. I have a bottle of iodine, but it takes a while to work.”

He nodded and closed the pack. “We should look for the quest.”

“We also need to find your pack.” I slipped the bag’s straps over my shoulders. “Do you have any idea where you left it?”

“No, I was a little too sick for that.”

Despite myself, I laughed and I thought I saw Chenle’s lips quirk up just the slightest bit.

“We should find a way to mark the tree,” he said once my laughter died down.

I bit the inside of my cheek. “How? We can’t chop a line into it. That’s too obvious.”

Chenle ducked under the hollow’s entrance. He disappeared behind the leaf and I heard his footsteps in the mud, the rustle of leaves and the creak of branches as he moved them. He came back a few minutes later, after I had finished cleaning our hollow until it appeared untouched, with a rather large stick and a handful of ripped leaves in his hands.

“I don’t think we need a fire right now,” I said.

“It’s not for a fire.” He bent his legs the tiniest bit and jumped, shoving the stick and leaves in what I assumed was a small hollow. “How dumb are you?”

“Dumb enough to find you,” I said under my breath. I remembered his words from last night and how much they must’ve struck his pride.

I’m thankful.

Not thankful enough, I thought. If he was, he wouldn’t be talking to me like I was a little girl who had yet to attend her first day of school.

Chenle rubbed his hands together, ridding his palms of dirt, and stepped inside. “Where did you find your last quest?”

“You didn’t get an envelope?”

“No.”

“I found it in a hollow of the tree I slept in,” I said, brushing his shoulder as I passed. I pushed back the leaf and looked up, basking my face in the patch of sunlight a few feet away from the entrance. “Well, get a move on, Zhong! We don’t have all day.”

He muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t make out and joined me outside. We split up, looking on the ground, pushing leaves out of our way, climbing up trees to get a better look, but it was to no avail.

“Did they post it in the sky?” Chenle asked, coming to stand under the base of the tree I had climbed. His voice barely reached me and I pushed another leaf out of my way, reaching up to pull myself higher.

“No!”

“So why are you climbing so goddamn high?”

“To get a better look!”

I pushed the last leaf that separated me from the open sky out of the way, sucking in a deep breath of crisp air. I looked over the trees, at the rich green sea that went as far as the eye could see and then some. Even though I already knew how big the arena was, my stomach still filled with dread. The other fourteen tributes were out there somewhere. Maybe there were some near the cornucopia, hoping to come get supplies now that the bloodbath was over and the Careers were wandering around the jungle, cutting down leaves and tributes alike.

I climbed down slower than I had climbed up. It was harder going down, not as safe. Your feet could go anywhere. Branches could break and plummet without warning. Your fingers could give out. Your weight could become too much. Every danger invaded my mind. I wasn’t scared of heights—how could I be?—but right now, so far off the ground that I couldn’t see the mud below, I wished Pa was here with a safety rope and a warm hug.

“Hey!” Chenle’s voice was no louder than a whisper, but I knew that he was screaming at the top of his lungs. “Get down here!”

I lowered myself a little more, digging my fingers into the bark. I looked down, placing my foot on the next branch and moved my hand to rest next to the other. There was a loud creak. Gravity pulled me down. My feet dangled in the air and my fingers slipped. And even though I told myself not to, I screamed.

I wrapped my arms around the branch, trying to pull myself up, but it was to no avail. It was as if everything was in slow-motion. The bark split and the branch dipped, starting at the base and then, I was falling.

“Chenle!” I screamed even though it wouldn’t do me any good. What was he going to do? Catch me and this giant branch?

“What?” His voice was still distant. I was too far from the ground to survive the fall.

My back hit a branch, not at all softened by my backpack, and my body curved like an arch. I cried out.

“Y/N?” I heard him call. Was that concern in his voice?

I rolled over on my stomach, tears streaming down my face, and wrapped myself around the branch.

“Y/N!”

I didn’t answer, inching myself to the side. If I dropped again, I would die, and I knew then that those branches didn’t just fall because they were weak. They dropped because the Gamemakers told them to.

I bit my lip to keep from screaming and pushed myself up to sit. I wrapped my arms around the trunk and began to climb down at a sloth’s pace. When my feet hit the ground, I fell to my knees. Chenle stared at me when I collapsed, resting my forehead on my arms.

“What are you doing?”

“The branch—” I choked out. Even speaking hurt. “I fell.”

“What are you talking about?”

I looked up at him through my tears and it felt as if my back split in half at the movement. “The branch snapped.”

“The branch didn’t snap.”

“What?”

“Are you going to make me repeat myself?”

“The branch didn’t snap?”

“No.”

I looked around, careful not to move my neck too much. There were no branches on the ground. There were no branches on the ground.

“I fell,” I said again.

“Is that why you screamed?” Chenle laughed. “You fell?”

“I fell.”

“There are no branches, Y/N.”

“I know.”

“So how did you fall?”

“I don’t know.”

Chenle crouched in front of me and pressed down on my back, covering my mouth with his hand to muffle my scream. But no scream came. Wait—I didn’t scream?

“There was probably some hallucinogenic in the air,” he said. “You’re fine. Get up.”

I rose to my feet, still looking around in case I found something, anything, that proved that I wasn’t crazy. The branch had snapped. I knew that for a fact. But did I?

“I found the quest,” Chenle said.

“Where?”

“In the hollow.”

“I want to do the honors.”

He handed me the envelope and I slipped my thumb under the seal. There was a piece of paper neatly tucked inside and I carefully pulled it out.

Chenle’s eyes never left my fingers, and when I brought it up to my face, he crossed his arms. I cleared my throat. “District 7 has lost a valuable ally,” I read aloud. “Find the other and send her home. Chosen by the Capitol.” I handed the paper to him with a scoff. “What sick joke is this?”

“It’s the Capitol,” he said nonchalantly. “Everything they do is a sick joke.”

“They’re shoving Sungchan’s death in my face.”

“They want us to kill your friend.” He folded the piece of paper and looked me in the eye. “So we’re killing your friend.”

I bit the inside of my cheek.

“I’m glad she’s not dead,” Sungchan had told me on our first night in the jungle, secured in our tree, tightly tucked in my sleeping bag. “I know that I’m not exactly allied with her, but she’s from home.” And now, I would be sending her home with him.

Chenle’s voice pulled me back to reality. “Let’s go.”

I followed him into the jungle, looking back at our hollow. I told myself that we would be back, but I wasn’t sure if I believed it.

Chenle swatted a leaf out of his way and I ducked before it could hit me. “Would it kill you to hold the leaf for a second longer?”

“Yes,” he said without looking back at me.

“Nice to know you’re still an asshole even after I saved your life.” I made a point to enunciate the last part.

He gave no response, but his hand lingered on the next leaf a little longer. I fell into step beside him and we ventured on foot for a while. For this, I was thankful. I didn’t want to admit that I was a little scared to climb again, but it seemed like Chenle understood and was doing me a favor. But, eventually, we would have to travel through the trees. It was safer the closer we were to the sky.

Chenle slipped his fingers in a tree’s crevice and hoisted himself up. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye as I did the same on a neighboring tree. It was as if we were in sync, reaching even branches at the same time.

I led the way, jumping from branch to branch with more nerve than I had an hour ago, but Chenle was never too far behind. And to my horror, I found myself at ease knowing he was there.

“Do you know where we’re going?” I asked over my shoulder.

“No.” He landed on the branch next to mine. “Do I look like I have a tribute map?”

“Do I look like I have a tribute map?” I repeated mockingly, raising my voice an octave.

He glared at me and I was thankful that his eyes weren’t daggers. “She’s District 4,” he said. “Where would a tribute from District 4 be?”

“This isn’t the time for a pop quiz.” I leaned against a trunk and crossed my arms. “She’ll be near water if she knows where to find it. Sungchan and I found a swamp on the first day and I found a swamp yesterday when I was looking for you. So there are two swamps that we know of, unless you happen to know about another one.”

“You sounded smart for once. I’m impressed.”

“Do you know of another swamp or not?”

“Not a swamp, but I know of a few streams.”

“We can’t visit every water source, so we have to choose which ones she’s more likely to be.”

“Swamps have fish,” said Chenle. “She’s probably looking for breakfast.”

I nodded. “Swamps it is. There’s one straight south. That’s where I got your medicine.”

Chenle waited for me to jump to the next branch before he did and we fell into a steady rhythm, moving much faster than I had alone. Maybe it was because I had gotten a good night’s sleep—or as much of a good night’s sleep as one could get while crying until they couldn’t breathe—or because there was someone else to help bear the weight of my actions. Whatever it was, I was grateful for it.

I paused when I saw the familiar sparkle of sunlight on water. I scanned the ground below, looking for footprints or traces of human presence. There was a crushed leaf next to the roots of a tree with the imprint of a sole, but it looked to be old and the mud around it was dry, so I moved on.

“Wait.” Chenle reached out to stop me. Once his hand touched my shoulder, he pulled it back as if I was poisonous and wiped his palm on his pants. “Over there.” He pointed with his chin towards the water and I realized we had found the swamp where I had found Chenle’s cure, but dread filled my stomach when I saw who else was wading in its depths.

He motioned with his chin for us to split up and circle her from both sides, but I didn’t move when he jumped to another branch. He looked at me over his shoulder and I shook my head. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t kill her.

Chenle landed on the branch next to me. “I’ll kill her,” he said.

“What?”

“You can’t do it. You’re too weak for that and we’ll die because of it. I’ll kill her.”

“I’m not weak,” I said through gritted teeth.

He leaned in, lowering his voice. “Then kill her.”

I sucked in a shaky breath. “I can’t.” My voice was nearly inaudible

“That’s what I thought.” He straightened himself with a smug tilt on his lips. I wanted to smack it off. “You go over there and watch my back,” he said. “We’ll get in and get out.”

“Do you have a weapon?” I asked. “A knife? An ax? An arrow?”

“Give me your ax.”

“What? No!” I stepped away from his reach.

“Y/N, give it to me.” His voice was low, angry, and I didn’t know whether to be amused or scared. “We’ll lose her if you waste any more time. Do you want to die?”

“No,” I said quietly.

“So give me your ax.”

“I need to defend myself, too. It’s not my fault you lost your pack.”

“This isn’t the time to argue.” He sucked in a deep breath. “Give me the ax, Y/N.”

“Be quick.” I turned around and he took the ax from the pack, leaving without another word.

I reached my post before Chenle did, but for someone with an ax in his hand, he moved rather quickly. It dawned on me then that I didn’t know how he scored a ten. Only the Gamemakers did. Could he get her in one hit? How accurate was his aim? He only had one chance.

“Forgive me, Sungchan,” I whispered as Chenle raised the ax over his head. I watched his shoulders rise, his chest expand, and when he exhaled, he let go.

I would never forget the wet sound of my ax burying itself in her back or get her scream out of my ears. I would never forget the sight of her body falling face first in the water, floating in the ripples she made.

Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me. The words repeated themselves over and over in my head and a tear slid down my cheek. We had killed her. I had betrayed Sungchan and killed her. And there was little consolation that it wasn’t me who had thrown the ax.

A leaf in Chenle’s direction rustled and water dripped off, creating a waterfall as it trickled from one leaf to the next. He was leaving his post. I watched him drop to the ground, running over to the swamp and our victim.

I carefully climbed down, jumping when there was only a few feet between me and the ground, and joined Chenle at the swamp. He waded out to her, grabbed her by the arm with one hand, picked up my ax with the other, and dragged her towards the shore. It was a slightly funny sight and I let out a small laugh before realizing that Sungchan was probably frowning at me from above.

“That was a good throw,” I said when he dropped her in front of me, her upper body on land and her legs still in the water.

He didn’t say anything, didn’t let out so much as a hum as he crouched in front of her and ripped the pack off her shoulders.

“Could you be any rougher?”

“It’s not like she’s going to feel it.” He motioned for me to give him my pack and I slipped it off. “She’s dead.”

“She was still Sungchan’s part—”

“Sungchan isn’t here anymore,” Chenle said coldly. “So stop talking about him.”

I stared at him and bit the inside of my cheek. Did Chenle not know what it was to mourn? Had he ever lost a loved one? A friend? But he didn’t have any friends and despite all the attempts my friend group made to include him, he rejected us without hesitation.

“I hope your mother dies,” I said before I could stop myself.

Chenle’s head snapped in my direction and he got to his feet, grabbing me by the collar. “Talk about my mother again and your head will be hanging over the hollow.”

He dropped me and I rubbed my neck. I deserved that. I would’ve done the same to him.

Chenle finished transferring everything in the District 4 girl’s pack—a flashlight, a bag of nuts and berries, a box of matches, a bottle of iodine, a coil of rope, six throwing knives, and a scalpel chain—to ours and handed it back to me. He kept the ax. “Let’s go,” he said.

There was a footstep somewhere and the zing of an arrow leaving a string. I screamed.

Chenle stared at me as if I were crazy. “What the hell are you do—” His eyes drifted to the arrow buried in the back of my left leg. He quickly scanned the area before spotting a flash of green that didn’t match the green of the leaves and raised the ax over his head, throwing it just like he had at the District 4 girl. I dropped to my knees, biting my lip to keep from crying out, but it was no use. I hadn’t felt pain like this since I was ten, when Pa accidentally cut my leg with an ax.

There was a dull thump and the boy’s body came crashing through the leaves. There was a white “10” on his sleeve and a bow in his hand. It was the same bow that the District 2 girl had tried to shoot me with. This boy was smart enough to steal a bow from a Career tribute, but too dumb to realize that shooting me, a girl partnered with the killer known as Zhong Chenle, would be his end.

Chenle didn’t ask if I was okay. Instead, he approached the body and rummaged through the boy’s pockets, finding a pair of night vision glasses and a compass. Then, he stood and crouched down next to me, putting the goods in my pack, before shoving his hands under my arms.

“I don’t need another injury,” I said, hissing at the movement.

“Be thankful I’m saving you at all,” he said, his voice strained.

“You owe me, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

With me in his arms, there was no way we could travel through the trees. We were stuck on foot and I could tell by his rigid posture that he didn’t like that at all.

Chenle handed me the ax and told me to watch his back. He carried me bridal style, and if it hurt him, he didn’t show it. I rested my cheek on his shoulder and watched the trees and dirt behind us. Nobody and nothing was there.

“Your tears are staining my jacket,” he said, shifting me around a bit and I hissed in pain.

“You try getting shot in the leg.”

“It’s not on my to-do list.”

I wasn’t sure how long we walked for, but I preoccupied myself with smacking all the mosquitos that tried to land on Chenle’s neck and head. At first, he pinched my arm in return before he realized I was helping him. He had been quiet ever since.

He kicked leaves out of the way with his feet and skillfully dodged large roots as if it were a game of hopscotch. We reached the hollow around mid-afternoon and Chenle cursed when he remembered that we forgot to refill our water bottle in the midst of the District 10 boy and his brilliant idea.

“You can go back,” I said, adjusting myself in the hollow where Chenle had put me down. “We finished the quest. We’re safe in that aspect.”

“You’ll die of infection,” he said, digging through the pack for the leftover suma root.

“Aw, you care.” I placed a hand over my heart and he looked like he was going to slap me until my teeth flew out of my mouth.

“You’re useless if you have an arrow in your leg.” He found the root wrapped in a piece of cloth hidden in the sleeping bag. “Give me your hand.”

He put the root in my hand and I popped it in my mouth. Chenle took the sleeping bag and bunched it up. Then, he picked up my leg, pausing when I sucked in a sharp breath. He didn’t spare me a look or a word of reassurance as he gently rested it on the bag, turning it the slightest bit, and dug through my backpack. When he didn’t find what he was looking for, he stood. “Stay here,” he said and left the hollow.

I rested my head against the bark, closing my eyes, and focused on breathing. When I opened my eyes again, the rays of sunlight had turned to a rich gold that was beginning to fade to a deep orange and the arrow had been removed from my leg. There was a vine wrapped tightly around my thigh and I realized that I had no feeling below it.

I could barely see in the hollow, but there was no outline of Chenle or anything else. I turned to watch the leaf that acted as a makeshift door and the dimming color of the forest, which didn’t have much light to begin with.

Footsteps approached and Chenle pushed the leaf open. He held my water bottle in one hand and a knife with an impaled fish in the other. The sight reminded me of the first breakfast I had in the arena, a breakfast I had with Sungchan. I shook my head.

“You’re awake,” Chenle said, crouching next to the pack and putting the water bottle next to it. “You can be of use.”

“Thank you.” I pointed to the makeshift tourniquet with my chin. “How did you learn how to do that?”

“Training. And I owe you, like you said.” He handed me the knife to hold as he dug around in the pack for matches. “Now, we’re even.”

When he found them, he busied himself trying to make a fire with the wood he had stashed in the corner earlier this morning. The flame crackled to life and I handed him the knife. As he rotated the fish over the fire, I kept watch and squeezed five drops of iodine in the water like Sungchan had taught me. I screwed the lid on tight before violently shaking, deeming it mixed enough when my arm began to ache, and put the bottle in the pack.

“Five drops and a shake?” Chenle asked, his eyes still trained on the fish.

“Yeah.”

He nodded and we fell into another silence. He took another knife from his pocket and cut the scales off the fish just like Sungchan had. How much had Chenle learned during those three days of training?

He came to sit beside me and we split the fish evenly, and when the only thing left was its bones, he threw them in the fire. “Sleep,” he said.

“I’m fine.”

“You need to sleep for the root to take full effect. I’ll take first watch.”

So I closed my eyes and let fatigue pull me under.

Chenle let me sleep in. He had gone long before I opened my eyes and part of me wondered if he had left me for dead, or maybe for tribute bait. I was unable to move after all, let alone shift around without wincing.

My leg looked no better than it had last night and although Chenle had done his best to stop the blood flow, there was still a steady trickle of red oozing out of the open wound. Johnny had said that infection was as deadly as a blade. Who knew what dirt could do if I put my leg in it a little too long.

My tongue was dry and it hurt to swallow. I gritted my teeth and pushed myself up the slightest bit. The light in the hollow was dim, but I could see just fine. The fire had died long ago. Chenle had probably stomped it out before he left. I glanced around to take inventory of what I had left and, to my horror, my pack was gone.

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to keep calm. Chenle had taken everything and left me with a useless, colorless leg. My water was gone. My food was gone. My ax was gone. At least he hadn’t been cruel enough to steal my sleeping bag.

Leaves rustled outside. Branches creaked. Footsteps squelched in the mud. I held my hand over my mouth, squeezed my eyes shut, and prayed. Then, someone spoke.

“What are you doing?”

Chenle. I almost cried in relief.

“You left me,” I said.

“You didn’t give me much of a choice.” He slipped the pack off his shoulders and I saw the silver parachute in his hand.

“What’s that?”

“What do you think?” He crouched in front of me and placed the silver basket-looking thing on the ground between us. Hidden in the silk of the parachute was a white envelope with a black “7” printed on it with the Capitol seal. I reached for it but he smacked my hand away. “I’ll open it. You can’t help me anyway.”

“No need to be a dick about it. I’m just as upset as you. Maybe even more.”

He handed me the envelope. “How’s your leg?”

“I don’t think the suma root did anything.”

“Is the tourniquet too tight?”

“I can’t feel it,” I said. “I can’t feel past my waist on that side.”

Chenle placed his hand on my leg, the color of his skin a scary comparison to the near blue hue of mine. “I’m going to touch it.”

“You’re going to stick your finger in there?” I didn’t like how scared my voice sounded.

“No. I’m checking how much you can feel.”

“I just said I can’t feel any—” I cried out when he squeezed.

“Can’t feel anything, can you?” There was a smug expression on his face and I couldn’t help but laugh. His lips quirked the slightest bit, as if he was holding himself back.

“What’s in the parachute?” I asked, pointing to it with my chin.

“How would I know?” His hands moved up my leg, settling just under my knee. “I didn’t open it.”

I reached for it and placed it on my lap, hissing when Chenle squeezed, and when he moved up to my thigh, I cracked the parachute open down the middle.

“It’s a container,” I said and handed it to him. He unscrewed the lid and tilted it towards the light. Inside was a slimy, puke-colored thing. Was that some kind of weird soup? Why the hell would Yuta send us that?

“A container with medicine,” Chenle said and I sighed in relief, resting my head back. He could stop squeezing what little blood I had left out of my leg.

“Who died last night?” I asked.

Chenle stuck his fingers in the salve and gently massaged it into the wound and the skin around it. “Girl from 4, but we already knew that. I killed her. Boy from 8 and the boy from 10, but we knew that, too. I killed him.”

“There’s eleven of us left,” I said quietly, more to myself than to him, but he nodded anyway.

He gathered more salve on his fingers. “Open the quest.”

I slipped my thumb under the seal and broke it. “Read it,” he said. I seriously wondered who gave him the authority to boss me around, but I did as he said anyway.

“District 7 should beware of creatures that lurk in the dark. If not, you will lose the one you love most.” The one you love most? That had to be a mistake. I continued with a frown, “Chosen by the Capitol.”

Chenle didn’t say anything when he finished applying the salve. He screwed the lid back on the container and dropped it in the pack. “Is there anything else in the parachute?” he asked as if there was nothing wrong with the words on the quest.

I placed the envelope on the ground and reached inside the parachute, wiggling my fingers along the side and bottom. There was something soft, paper-like, tucked in the edges and I picked it up. Printed on the note were the words “Jaguar. Play along. -Y”

I handed the note to Chenle and he looked as if he wanted to leave the arena, storm up to the Capitol, and slap Yuta where he stood. But he took a deep breath, exhaled, and nodded. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll find this thing and you stay here.”

“It’s not like I can go anywhere.” I took the note back and dropped it in the parachute with the quest.

“You keep the water bottle and the ax.” Chenle sifted through the backpack, pulling out the bag of berries, the water bottle, and my ax. He placed them on the ground next to me. “You can keep one of the match boxes, too. Just don’t be stupid about it.” He slipped two knives in his jacket pockets and zipped up the pack, shrugging the straps over his shoulders and pushing himself to his feet. He was halfway through the hollow when he looked over his shoulder. “Try to get some rest.” He was gone before I could speak.

When his footsteps had completely receded, I opened the bag of berries and slowly snacked on them. Despite the fact that they had been briefly soaked in swamp water the day before, they still had the sweetness of normal, dry berries.

My stomach grumbled, begging for me to eat until there was nothing left, but I knew that wasn’t a luxury I had. There was always a chance that Chenle wouldn’t come back. The jaguar took Sungchan. It could very well take Chenle from me, too.

I unscrewed the water bottle’s lid, shifting onto my hip to hold the water under the few streams of sunlight the leaf let in. From what I could see, the water wasn’t murky, so I slumped back against the hollow and took a few sips. Then, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to focus on the tingle that was barely there, the tightness of the vine around my thigh.

The one you love most. The words stuck in my head like a thorn I couldn’t pull out. Did the Capitol know something I didn’t? Did Yuta somehow convince everyone that Chenle had a secret crush on me? I laughed at the idea. The Capitol was probably trying to push a love story, just like Sungchan had said.

I tried to pull my right leg up to my chest, wincing when it moved my other leg the slightest bit and gently let it go. The District 10 boy had been smart in choosing his target although he probably had been aiming higher, somewhere more deadly. Smart, smart boy. But not smart enough.

I quickly grew bored. The hollow looked the same no matter how many times I squinted my eyes, trying to look for something different. My butt was numb from sitting on it for so long. My hands were bored from lack of things to fiddle with. Even my mouth felt lonely from the little food Chenle had given me. The only thing I could think of was to sleep, which was bad for two reasons: One, I had slept through the night. Two, I had no way to defend myself. So, my only option was to sit here and blankly stare at the other side of the hollow.

I drew shapes in the mud—circles, squares, triangles, and out of pure boredom, a heart. But I quickly grew bored of that, too. If only I had a book, a deck of cards, a child’s old, ragged toy. Anything. I was too desperate to care.

A twig snapped outside and I grabbed my ax. I held my breath and watched the space under the leaf. Gold and black spotted paws blocked the little light that streamed through the leaves. Had Chenle failed? Could I take a good swing and possibly chop its head off? Could I save myself? Or was this my end? But, to my relief, whatever creature it was—a jaguar, I assumed—passed without pause and I was once again left with nothing but the noises of the jungle.

My shoulders relaxed and I slid myself down a little, biting my lip to keep from crying out. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply to try and help the pain subside. I took a few sips of water and poured a few drops in my hands to wash my face. Then, I closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

Gold light shone through my eyelids and I blinked myself awake. It had to be early evening and Chenle had yet to return. I was still alive, though, and that was enough reason to be relieved.

I rolled myself inch by inch towards the charred wood that we had burned last night. Why had Chenle put his firewood stash on the other side of the hollow? He couldn’t have moved it near me before he left?

It took me an embarrassingly long time to set up five pieces of wood in a triangular shape. I lit a match, threw it through the open space, and watched it spark to life. I realized then, after I had gone through all the trouble to start a fire, that I had no way to put it out.

“Just don’t be stupid about it,” Chenle had said and I had gone along and been stupid about it.

If this was to be my end, at least I would be warm and with the familiarity that came from the wood and fire and smoke distinct to my district. At least I would die with that.

I watched the flames dance like lovers, swirling around each other, wrapping themselves in each other’s warmth. Ma had told me once that fires told stories. “It can be heartbreak or it can be a spark,” she’d said as we sat by the fire one night. Which story was this? Was it even a story? I was unsure if I wanted to know.

I sat there until the sky darkened. Chenle still hadn't returned. Worry started to creep in and plant itself in my brain. I needed him to survive, especially now. I didn’t want to admit that part of me desperately wanted him to return for another reason. Was that the fire’s tale? Unrequited love? A suppressed crush? I shook my head. It was just a District 7 wives’ tale.

Something stumbled around outside and my eyes immediately snapped to the leaf. Whatever was outside would have to be blind not to see the orange light coming from inside the hollow and smoke had a strong smell, too, nearly burning my nose. I reached for my ax, falling back against the ground. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and weakly raised my ax when someone stumbled through the leaf, falling on the ground in front of me.

Chenle’s fingers dug into the mud, his knives falling out of his pockets, sliding over the dirt. He was sweating, bleeding, and his shoulders barely lifted with his breaths. He had beat the jaguar, but at what cost?

I carefully pushed myself up and inched towards him, wincing when my injured leg slid off the sleeping bag. I left a trail in the dirt where my butt dragged, and when I reached him, I hooked my hands under his arms and pulled his head onto my lap, doing my best to turn him upward.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice as soft and breathy as it had been when I saved him two days ago.

“I thought you told me not to get used to you saying that.” I brushed the hair plastered on his forehead away. His skin was shiny from sweat and he was burning up. What had happened out there?

His lips quirked upward and he chuckled softly. I didn’t think he was capable of such a thing. “This will be the last time,” he said.

“What happened?”

“The goddamn thing bit me.” He tried to push himself up, but I stopped him. “I think there was poison in its teeth.”

“Like a poisonous snake?”

“Yeah.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “I don’t know anything about poisons.”

“Neither do I.”

“So you know how to tie a tourniquet, but you don’t know anything about poisons?” I tried to keep my voice light, but panic was quickly spreading. We needed to survive. How were we supposed to survive if neither of us knew anything about poisons?

He winced when I shifted the tiniest bit. “I didn’t see you doing any of the safety stations.”

“Well, aren’t you better than me?”

“I am.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and he let out a soft chuckle. I liked this Chenle much more than I liked yesterday’s Chenle, but our bonding moment was short-lived.

“We should try to treat the bite,” I said. “Can you take the pack off?”

He gritted his teeth and pushed himself up on shaky arms. “Help me.”

I slipped my hands under his arms to keep him steady. He slowly slid the straps off and I placed it next to us as he slumped back against my chest, his hair tickling my neck.

“I can hear your heartbeat,” he said, his eyelids fluttering slowly.

I carefully reached for the sleeping bag, rolled it up, and placed it next to the side of the hollow. I wrapped one arm around his waist and did my best to scoot us both backwards. My leg begged for me to stop, to drop Chenle and rest, but I clenched my teeth and continued on.

I nearly fell on the sleeping bag, my head hitting the fabric and I let out a deep exhale. Chenle’s head still rested on my chest and it felt rather intimate, but I didn’t have the energy to move him.

“You owe me again,” I said, my chest rising and falling. “This is the second time I dragged your ass.”

“Don’t make me say it again.” He shifted his head, resting his cheek just above my breast. His breaths synced with my heart and I soon realized he was using it to steady himself. Part of me warmed up at the thought.

“I want to hear it again.”

“Well, tough luck.”

I laughed and his voice joined mine. I wrapped my arms around him and, to my surprise, he let me. He closed his eyes.

“I’m going to clean your wound,” I said.

He made a sound of protest, but let me roll him off of my chest anyway. I reached for the bag and pulled out the salve, unscrewed the lid, and rolled up his sleeve. Staring back at me was the biggest bite wound I had ever seen. Green and red oozed out of his skin and I remembered what he had said about the jaguar’s teeth having some kind of poison. I could only hope that the salve would rid his wound of that, too.

I dipped my fingers in the container and gently massaged the medicine into the skin around his wound, just like he had done to my leg this morning. I gritted my teeth, muttered an apology, and stuck my fingers in the wound. He nearly screamed and I clamped my hand over his mouth, his wide eyes meeting mine, and I saw the wet shine in them.

“Just a little longer,” I promised. “Then, I’ll give you the tastiest dried beef in your life.”

Chenle scoffed, wincing when I moved my fingers. He watched me work, gritting his teeth to keep from crying out, but by the way his shoulders slumped, I knew the salve was beginning to work.

“Are you done?” he asked when I screwed the lid back on the container. I nodded and fished through the pack for the dried beef. “You’re going to torture me with beef now?”

“I promised you I would.” I took out a strip and held it to his lips. He reluctantly took a bite. “If you’re busy dying from dehydration, you won’t notice your arm.” He considered this for a minute and took another bite.

He finished the strip a few minutes later and, because I was merciful, I gave him some water to drink. Then, I snacked on a few nuts and three sips of water before the national anthem rang through the night. We exchanged a glance and I slowly scooted towards the hollow’s entrance, pushing the leaf away just enough to see a sliver of the sky. Two canons sounded and the pictures of District 6’s boy and District 8’s girl appeared. I didn’t know much about the girl, but I felt a pang of sympathy for the boy. He would never get to be a father. And for that, I was sorry.

“District 6 and 8 are both out,” I said as I scooted back inside. “That leaves—”

“Nine of us.”

I nodded. “We might actually have a chance of going home, Chenle.”

A faint smile touched his lips, but his eyes still held a hint of doubt. “Yeah.”

“I’ll take first watch,” I said, reaching for the water bottle.

“No, I’ll take it.”

I shot him a look. “You can barely lift your arm, let alone throw a knife.”

At the mention of his injury, his face fell and I knew I had won.

He closed his eyes and I tossed water on the flames. It sizzled to death, leaving us to the mercy of the dark.

I scooted back towards the side, my leg brushing against Chenle’s uninjured arm. He looked peaceful, innocent, and I brushed a few stray hairs off his forehead. He stirred the slightest bit.

I returned my eyes to the entrance of the hollow, resting my ax on my lap, and thought of home.

A toucan croaked as it passed over the leaf covering the hollow. I blinked, upset that that damned bird woke me up, and looked over at the entrance of the hollow. A white envelope rested on the ground just outside the leaf and my anger quickly dissipated. Thank whatever was above for that lovely toucan.

I crawled towards the entrance and it didn’t hit me until seconds later, when I sat criss-crossed in the space between the hollow and the outside, that there was no pain in my leg. There was no pain in my leg.

I looked down to see that color was beginning to seep past the tourniquet. The quest was temporarily forgotten as I pulled and scratched and bit at the vine. I laughed when it fell away, wincing as warmth and blood and color spread through my newly healed leg. I bit my cheek. I forgot how uncomfortable it was when feeling returned to sleeping limbs.

I stuck my hand through the space under the leaf and grabbed the envelope. Just like all the others, a bold, black “7” was printed on the front and the Capitol’s seal stamped it closed on the back.

I looked over at Chenle, who was still sound asleep, and flipped the envelope open. “For District 7,” it read, “poisons are tricky, but if knowledgeable, are valuable. Chosen by the Gamemakers.”

“Poison?” My voice was no louder than a whisper and, naturally, no one responded. I bit my lip.

I crawled over to the backpack and took out the medicine. I applied the salve to my leg first before rolling up Chenle’s sleeve and slathering a generous amount on his arm. He didn’t so much as stir. This was probably the most rest he’d gotten in five days.

I split the contents of the backpack, putting Chenle’s knives, the bag of nuts, the water bottle, the medicine container, and a bottle of iodine next to him. I kept everything else and zipped up the pack.

I moved six pieces of wood next to the fire I had made last night. I decided to be kinder than Chenle had been and wouldn’t make him scoot all the way over to the other side of the hollow, even though he deserved it.

I crouched next to him and shook his shoulder. He groaned. “I’m leaving,” I said although I wasn’t sure he understood me. I stared at him for a second before very carefully pressing a kiss to his forehead. He wouldn’t remember it anyway.

I didn’t look back at him when I left the hollow. Bird calls filled my ears and dew drops dampened my hair, which hadn’t changed since I had left the launch room. Of course, it was greasy from lack of washing, but that wasn’t a priority. I was sure my prep team would understand.

I wandered on foot for a while, trying to remember what I had learned about plants during training, but drew blank after blank. If I could take my brain out of my head and give it a good shake, I would. Two lives were on the line if I couldn’t find this stupid thing.

Eventually, I turned to higher ground. The air was crisper up here, but I made sure not to climb too high. I didn’t need another incident, especially not alone. Chenle wasn’t here to differentiate whether it was real or not and I learned the hard way that I couldn’t trust my judgment.

When my feet began to hurt, I sat and ate a disgusting strip of dried beef, hating myself for leaving the water with Chenle. I resorted to scraping the extra salt off my tongue with my fingernails and after a few more minutes of rest, I continued on.

I jumped in a zigzag pattern just in case there was a threat somewhere on the ground. One of the seven remaining tributes could have ripped the bow and arrow from the District 10 boy’s cold, blue hands and was running around shooting whoever they saw fit. I didn’t want to think of a string-happy teen.

I came across a stream and carefully climbed down. I crouched on the bank, grabbing a harmless leaf and sticking it in the water. Nothing happened, but I wouldn’t be so easily fooled. When I had been dumb enough to blissfully enjoy water from a stream, I had been chemically burned. I wouldn’t risk that again.

Wait—I had been chemically burned!

Would that count as a poison? I hurriedly took the backpack off and dug around looking for some type of container, but the only one I could find was the iodine bottle, and that was too valuable to give up.

I put the pack back on and reluctantly turned my back on the stream. I returned to the trees and traveled further into the jungle.

Green leaves, brown trees, and multi-colored flowers became a blur and it felt as if I was in some type of hallucination. In the 75th Hunger Games, the Gamemakers had planted tracker jackers in the arena to throw tributes for a loop. I remembered the District 1 girl—I thought her name was Glimmer—had fallen victim to them. And the District 12 girl, the infamous Katniss Everdeen, a secret hero to the districts, had suffered severe hallucinations. I didn’t think the Gamemakers had added them here, but, naturally, there was always the chance that I was wrong. They were unpredictable.

I hit a tree face-first and stumbled backwards, landing hard on my ass. I gingerly touched my nose, praying that I didn’t give myself a nose bleed, and sighed in relief when my fingers came away bloodless. Fuck me for not paying attention to where I was going.

I brushed the dirt off my pants and carefully tested the next branch with my foot. Safe. I moved on.

There were no tributes, no traps, no mutts to hinder me from my fruitless search, and as I traveled farther from the cornucopia, from the heart of the arena, it struck me as odd that the Gamemakers weren’t throwing traps in my path to herd me back towards the center. Maybe the Capitol’s citizens were rooting for me and voted for the Gamemakers to show me mercy just this once. They knew that Chenle waited helplessly in the hollow and deemed it collateral enough for my return. The Capitol really wanted this love story. And a secret part of me thought I was starting to want it, too.

I shook my head. I was being silly. The arena was messing with my head. This was the same Chenle that promised on national television that he was going to kill me; the same Chenle that treated me and my friends like we were the dirt under his shoes; the same Chenle who had the prettiest face when he was fast asleep.

I needed to snap out of it and focus on the task ahead. I could figure out my feelings later.

“If I were a poison,” I said to myself, “where would I be?” Of course, there was no response, but it did get the gears in my head turning.

Plants needed water to survive and grow, meaning that I needed to find a stream, which had already been in my plan, but did poisonous plants grow there? The answer was yes. Yes, they did.

I slapped myself on the cheek. How could I be so stupid? I should’ve looked for plants at the stream I had passed just like I should’ve looked for medicine at the swamp Sungchan and I had camped by. This place was seriously messing with me.

I headed back towards the stream, doing my best to keep myself in the present. It was a little difficult, however, when there were a thousand different things on my mind and they all demanded to be heard right now.

My feet hit the ground when I found the stream and I toed one plant after the other, hoping that one would stick out to me. I pulled my foot away and something small and brown scurried up my shoe and under my pants. I jumped back from the stream bed and rolled up my pants to see a tick—a castor bean tick—making its way up to find the perfect place to bury its head and suck my blood dry.

I picked it off my leg with a quiet, panicked scream and threw it as far as I could, watching the stream ripple from the tick’s entrance. After I had calmed myself down and my breaths returned to normal, I began to carefully dig through the plants again. Castor bean was a plant that could be made into a poison. I remembered that now, and I needed to get my hands on as much as I could.

I picked six and quickly checked them and myself for ticks. I didn’t wash them in the stream for obvious reasons—mostly fear—and threw the berries in my pack.

From what I could tell, it was about early afternoon. I could take my time going back to Chenle and the hollow. If I wanted to, I could go scavenge for more supplies at the cornucopia. There might be something in there that could help me make the berries into something useful.

“To the cornucopia,” I said with mock enthusiasm. I wondered if I was going crazy.

The journey back was quick now that I knew where I was going. My confidence in the trees had returned and my heart finally felt at ease again—or as much ease as it could in this situation. The leaves still blurred together, but it was as if an arrow had appeared, pointing me towards the cornucopia. I followed it.

I landed on the silver platform with steady feet, brushed my hands on my pants, and entered the horn. Nothing had changed since I had left it on the first day, except for the fact that it was barren. I took a hesitant step inside. Nothing. I deemed it safe enough to continue.

The lighting was a dim, tinted blue. The weapon stands in the middle were empty. Nothing hung from the hooks on the back wall. Not even a pack was left, kicked in a corner or stashed under a stand. There was absolutely nothing except for a silver container. And despite not knowing its contents, it held hope.

I slowly wrapped my fingers around it just in case there was a trap connected. It was cold to the touch and a shiver ran down my spine. I unscrewed the lid and looked inside. Hanging from the top of the lid was a stick-looking thing with a blunt end and the bottom of the container looked rough, rock-like. A mortar and pestle. I almost laughed. A mortar and pestle!

I slung my pack onto one shoulder and carefully put the container inside. I left the horn and climbed down the main tree, landing in the middle of the launch plates. Sometimes, the Gamemakers hid landmines underground and I ran as fast as I could out of the circle just in case one decided to explode under my feet, heading for the hollow.

I pushed past the leaf, almost falling on my face from the momentum. Chenle looked up at me, his under eyes dark, as I rested my hands on my knees and sucked in deep breaths.

“Where’d you go?” he asked.

“I finished our quest.” I sat beside him and took the berries and the tiny mortar and pestle out of the pack.

“Is that more medicine?” A swirl of hope slithered around the brown of his eyes and he pushed himself up the slightest bit. He reached for the berries and I slapped his hand away.

“Don’t touch it,” I said. “It’s poison.”

His face fell and he returned his hand to his lap. “Oh.”

I put the berries in the container and crushed them with the mortar until the fuzzy, red berry was nothing but mush. I screwed the lid shut and put it back in the pack. “How do you feel?” I asked, taking off my jacket to do another tick check.

“I feel better.” He looked at his arm, his jacket sleeve still rolled up. “Thank you for putting the salve on it.”

“You need to stop saying that.” I stood up. “Close your eyes.” He did as I said and I kicked my pants off, shook them over the makeshift fire pit, and patted my legs down. I did the same with my shirt, underwear, and socks. “You can look now,” I said, slipping my arms through my jacket sleeves.

He opened his eyes. “Did you bring any food?”

“No.” I took the match box from Chenle’s side and lit a match. “I forgot about that.”

“Of course you did.”

“You didn’t bring any food either.” I tossed the match on the wood and turned to look at him. “Do you want more medicine?”

“Yes, please.”

“What’s gotten into you?” I sat next to him and put the medicine container in my lap. “I’m starting to get worried.”

He laughed softly as I applied the salve on his arm. The bite mark had gone from a bloody, dirt-stained gash to a mere dog bite. Capitol medicine worked wonders.

“I should ask you the same thing.” Chenle rested his head back, resting his arms over his knees. “You’re being nice. Almost too nice.”

“Are you still bedridden or are you milking it?” I put the medicine down and checked on the fire. The flames grew at a steady pace and warmth filled the hollow. I sighed.

“I need you alive,” I said. “Nothing else.” Everything else. I pushed the thought away.

“We need to stop getting hurt. We’ll owe each other a leg if we keep doing this.”

“My leg is pretty much useless.” I rolled up my pant leg to reveal the arrow wound and the scar Pa had given me. “It wouldn’t matter to me.”

“I would leave you for the dogs,” Chenle said, but his voice held humor. I was shocked, to say the least. What had happened to Zhong Chenle?

“You’d leave me for bait?”

“What else would I leave you for?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Did you finish the nuts?”

“No.” He picked up the bag and handed it to me. “You can have the rest. I’ll be nice and take the beef.”

We switched food and ate in a comfortable silence. We took a few sips of water and I killed the fire just in time to watch the pictures of the late tributes. Chenle went outside with me and we climbed up a tree, although he moved rather slowly, getting used to his arm again. We sat on a branch, our legs dangling over the sides and turned our heads to the sky.

Only one cannon sounded and the girl from District 10 appeared in the sky. Then the anthem stopped and the world went quiet. The world went quiet.

Since we had finished the last of our food the night before, Chenle and I decided to go hunting the next morning. He woke me up rather early and when my eyes adjusted to the dark, I realized that the sun hadn’t risen yet.

He grabbed the night vision glasses from the pack and offered me his hand. I took it. “We have to be quick,” he said, handing me the pack. I put it on and followed him out of the hollow.

It was nearly impossible to see and since Chenle had the night vision glasses, I held onto his hand so tightly that I wouldn’t be surprised if I broke his fingers. He didn’t seem to mind, though, as he guided me through the leaves and low-hanging branches. He didn’t lead me up to the trees and for that, I was thankful. I didn’t feel like plummeting to the ground because I thought the ground was a branch.

“Watch out,” he said quietly, almost inaudibly amongst the night birds’ songs and the buzz of mosquitos. “There’s a tree root.”

He helped me over, placing his hands on my waist. He brushed his palms on his pants when my feet hit the ground and I thought I could see red on his cheeks.

“Are you sure we have to do this right now?” I asked after a leaf slapped me in the face, leaving it wet and… sticky?

“Yes.” Chenle placed his hands on my waist again and picked me up. “So we won’t waste time later on.”

“I can walk, you know.” I wrapped my arms and legs around him anyway.

“You can’t see. We’ll move faster this way.”

“I’m hanging onto you like a sloth.”

He put me down and picked me up bridal style, just as he had done when I got shot in the leg. I didn’t say anything and he carried me into the night.

I didn’t know how Chenle knew his way around the arena so well considering that the both of us had been immobile for a few days at a time, but he seemed to have a map on the back of his hand and he took turns left and right, jumping over trunks like it was no trouble even with my extra weight, as if he had walked through this jungle for his whole life.

“Do you know where we’re going?” I asked, resting my cheek on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

“We’re going to the swamp,” he said. “I’m good at fishing.”

“Cocky ass,” I muttered under my breath and Chenle chuckled softly.

“It’s not cocky if you know what you’re doing.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?”

“I’m not stupid.”

“That’s not the same.”

“I’ll drop you.” His arms dipped the slightest bit and, for a second, I thought he was actually going to. I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Okay, okay,” I said. “You know what you’re doing.”

“Relax.” He shifted me around a little and continued walking. “I’m not that big of an asshole.”

“I beg to differ.”

He dipped his grip again.

“Okay, okay!”

He smiled smugly. “That’s what I thought.”

“You know,” I said, readjusting my arms around his neck, “I like you a lot better now.”

“I’ve always been likable.”

I snorted. “Yeah, right.”

“You know, I could say the same about you.”

“That you like me better or that I’m likable? Because I know the last part.”

“Both.”

I stared at him.

“What?”

“Are you feeling okay?” I placed the back of my hand against his forehead and despite being a little sweaty, he was fine.

“Look who’s being a dick now.”

“How? I’m worried about your well-being!”

“I’m worried about your well-being,” he said mockingly. I hit him in the back of the head.

We fell into a comfortable silence as Chenle navigated through the jungle. I listened to his heart and closed my eyes. Had this always been the real Chenle? The one his family knew? And, for some reason, I felt honored to know him, too.

“Wake up.” Chenle’s voice dragged me out of my nap and he put me down. “Stay here.”

He left me on the bank and waded into the swamp. I couldn’t see much, only his silhouette, but I watched him anyway. I knew I should be watching our backs, but I didn’t want to move my eyes from him.

He stabbed the water like it was his enemy and when he proved successful, he made his way back to shore. “Hold this,” he said, handing me the knife and picking me up again, “and don’t stab me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

We returned to the hollow when the first rays of sunlight touched the sky. Chenle put me down in front of the leaf and cracked his neck. “Damn, you were heavy.” I could hear the humor in his voice. “With a capital H.”

“I could say the same about you.” I walked backwards into the hollow. “I had to drag your ass twice and I won’t let you forget it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He threw a few logs of firewood on top of the useless ones. “At least I didn’t get shot in the leg.”

“I didn’t get mauled by a mutt.”

We stared at each other, eyes narrowed, until Chenle burst out laughing and I followed suit. I realized then that I loved the sound.

“Give me that,” he said, grabbing the knife from my hand.

“Would it kill you to say ‘please’?”

“Yes.” He crouched in front of the low flames and held the fish over it. “You’ve heard me say it enough.”

“And I bask in it every time.” I sat next to him, pulling my knees up to my chest. It was as if I were eating breakfast with Sungchan all over again and before I could stop myself, I said, “Tell me a story.”

Chenle paused, staring at the flames. “When I was younger,” he said slowly, “I really loved to play with rocks. Stuff like hopscotch and rock toss, but I didn’t want anyone to know. It was too… childish, and I didn’t want anyone to think of me like that.”

“But you were a child. What’s wrong with being one? We were all kids.” After a moment, I quietly added, “We are kids.”

He nodded slowly, as if he were processing my words. “I always felt like I needed to be older… to be like my brother.” His eyes met mine. “My parents loved me either way, but I wanted to prove myself.”

“I didn’t know you were so deep, Zhong.”

He shrugged and rotated the fish. “Now, you tell me something, Kim. I want to know your juicy secrets.”

“I don’t have any. My whole life has already been broadcasted.”

“We both know that’s not true.” He smirked and my cheeks heated. “I told you something, so pay up.”

“Okay, well…” I chewed on the inside of my cheek, trying to think of something to tell him. I wasn’t the most interesting person, but I certainly wasn’t the most boring. “I like to climb.”

“Everyone knows that.”

I shot him a glare. He shut his mouth.

“After everyone went to bed, I would climb up the tree in my backyard and look at the stars. I’ve always liked them for some reason. Maybe it’s because they give me hope.” I shrugged. “The stories about them are so… romantic, you know?”

“Romantic?” Chenle took another knife out of his pocket and began to remove the scales. “I didn’t take you for a romantic.”

“Because I’m not.”

“You just admitted to it.”

“I did not!” My cheeks heated and I looked towards the hollow’s entrance. Since when did I get so flustered?

“Whatever you say. The fish’s ready.”

He cut me a piece and then cut one for himself. When we finished eating, Chenle tossed the bones in the fire and stomped it out. I slipped the pack over my shoulders and we left the hollow. Finding the quest was the worst part of the morning. There were no clues as to where that pretty, white envelope was hidden, nor was it in the same spot every day. Chenle and I did figure out, however, that the quest was never too far from the hollow.

“Nothing here!” Chenle called from behind the tree. We had searched everywhere—up and down, side to side, and I even climbed up the slightest bit to look down.

“There has to be something,” I said when he came to join me in front of the hollow. “They wouldn’t stop giving us quests.”

“How many tributes are left?”

“Uh…” I bit the inside of my cheek. “Eight.”

“Don’t you find it weird that they haven’t made the arena smaller?” He crossed his arms. “When there are about ten tributes left, they usually herd them towards the cornucopia.”

“You’re saying that our quest is to kill the other tributes?” I asked skeptically.

“I think so.”

“But how do you know?”

“I’m smart.”

“I don’t think you’re right on this one.”

“Let’s go with my plan first, and if we find a quest on the way, we’ll do it.”

I sighed and pushed past him. “Come on, then. We have tributes to find.”

Chenle followed me away from the cornucopia a little ways. He looked up at the treetops and then at me. “Y/N,” he said, “where are you going?”

“To find tributes.”

“You’re walking away from the cornucopia.”

I paused. “I know.”

“Why?”

“I want to go this way.”

Chenle came to stand in front of me. “Are you scared?”

“What?”

“You couldn’t kill the District 4 girl. Are you scared?”

“Are you not?”

“I’ve done it.”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not scared.”

“We need to go to the cornucopia.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and turned me around. “You have to face your fears.”

“Not this one.”

“Come on.” He pushed me a few steps. “I’m not pushing you the whole way. Start walking.”

I turned to face him. “Chenle, I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t let my family watch me kill someone on a screen!”

“You have to! Do you want to live?”

“Of course I want to live!”

“Then get it together!” His face was red from anger and his fingers gripped my shoulders so tightly I knew there would be a bruise.

I leaned in close enough to feel the warmth of his breaths. “Yell at me one more time, Zhong Chenle, and I’ll kill you myself.”

He stared at me, his grip faltering, and it was clear that he hadn’t been expecting those words to come out of my mouth and, frankly, neither did I. But I couldn’t take them back and part of me didn’t want to. Why was he the only one who could give death threats?

“Threaten me again,” he said, shoving me away, “and you won’t see tomorrow.”

I gingerly touched my shoulder, but no pain came from where Chenle had grabbed me. My heart hurt the slightest bit. I felt like a silly teenager who had gotten in an argument with their partner. What was happening? Why me? What did I do to deserve to be partnered with Zhong Chenle? Why did I have to ruin it? No. Scratch that. He ruined it. It had nothing to do with me.

“Are you coming?”

I turned to look at Chenle who had started towards the cornucopia without me. He looked slightly confused as to why I froze, but I just waved him off and followed.

The trek wasn’t long but the silence between us was tense. My words repeated themselves in Chenle’s head just as much as his did in mine. I could see it in the way he walked, his gait slower than it was before, and the look on his face. Was that guilt?

“The first one is always the worst,” he said, falling into step beside me. “You just have to aim, breathe, and let go. You can close your eyes once they’re dead. It helps a little.”

“Thanks.”

He sucked in a deep breath. “I’m sorry… for what I said about killing you earlier.”

I froze. He stared at me. “What?”

“I didn’t think you knew those words.”

He shrugged. “Don’t get used to it.”

I couldn’t help but laugh and Chenle smiled, looking down at his feet.

The cornucopia loomed high above us at the top of the tree in the middle of the launch plates. I took a cautious step inside the circle, hoping not to get blown to bits, and once I deemed it safe, we sprinted to the tree.

My fingers found home in small crevices that only those from District 7 could see and pulled myself up to the top. Chenle wasn’t far behind, his hands reaching the platform just as I pulled my feet up.

“Now what?” I asked when he stood.

“Now, we wait.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn’t like the sound of that.

Chenle and I made our way inside the horn. It was cooler here and there was more sunlight. I sat on a stand near the back wall and pulled my legs up while Chenle rummaged around for hidden goods. I didn’t tell him there wasn't any left.

I closed my eyes. We would be waiting here for a while. Wait—

I opened my eyes. “Chenle, does the poison still apply?”

He was standing outside the horn, overlooking the ground below. “What do you mean?” he asked without turning around.

“If we don’t find someone to kill, will the poison kill us?”

“We don’t have to find someone.” He slowly moved into the horn, hiding in its shadows. “He’s right there.” He pointed his chin towards the male tribute running through the trees. “You kill him.”

“What?”

“You kill him,” Chenle said again.

“No! Why?”

“He’s coming.” His eyes met mine. “You kill him.”

“Chenle, I can’t.” I knew he could see the desperation in my eyes, but he refused to relent.

“You have to, Y/N. You have to face your fears.”

I gulped and turned to look at the boy. He was still ignorant of our presence and there was a pang of guilt in my heart knowing that he was running right into a trap. But it was either him or us and I chose us. I chose us over and over again.

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll kill him.”

I crouched behind the stands and slipped the pack off. I took the ax out with unsteady breaths, my hands shaking more than they ever had before. I didn’t know how to kill. I didn’t even know how to hunt correctly. But Chenle was waiting for me to prove myself and, to my horror, I was, too.

“Okay,” I said, meeting his eyes. He nodded. I turned my attention back to the tribute, whose feet had just touched the platform. He was running at full speed, his arms swinging like pendulums, and I wasn’t sure how he hadn’t seen us yet.

“Okay,” I whispered to myself, sucking in a deep breath, and let go.

The ax spun in the air, almost in slow motion, and my mouth opened to scream when the blade stuck to the boy’s head. He dropped to the floor with a nearly muted thump and Chenle rushed to him, pulling the ax out of his head and rummaging through his pockets. The boy’s body wasn’t even cold.

I couldn’t move. It was as if I was floating outside of my body, unable to return.

“Y/N!”

Chenle’s voice sounded like it was underwater. I slowly brought my eyes to meet his, and he beckoned for me to follow him.

My body felt like it was submerged in honey, my legs refusing to move, my arms unable to leave my sides. Chenle glanced behind his shoulder to see that I had barely moved an inch.

“We don’t have time for this,” he said almost angrily. He shoved the ax in my hands and picked me up bridal style, just as he had this morning, and carried me out of the horn.

The sun was bright on my face, warming up my cheeks and blinding my eyes. It was far too cheerful, as if it were smiling down on me for killing the poor boy. When I had regained enough of myself to speak, I asked, “Who was it? Who did I kill?”

“The District 1 boy.”

“I killed a Career?” I couldn’t hide the shock in my voice.

Chenle nodded. “And you did it flawlessly, too.”

I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to know how well I did it or how skilled I was. I didn’t even want to think about it, to have the sight play across my eyelids every time I blinked.

“But how?” I asked.

“What do you mean ‘how’?”

“How did I do it?”

“With an ax.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I mean how did he not see us?”

Chenle shrugged, shifting me in his arms. “That I can’t tell you.”

He put me down at the edge of the platform and pointed his chin towards the branch I had used to escape on the first day of the Games. I took a step back to get a running start and jumped, wrapping my arms around the branch and swinging myself up in an arc.

Once I was stable on my feet, Chenle did the same. We walked along the branches, letting the silence speak for us.

“Can we sit for a while?” I asked. “I need to think.”

“If you think about what you’ve done, you’ll only make it worse for yourself.” Chenle stepped onto another branch. “Let’s keep moving.”

“I just need five minutes.”

“Thirty seconds.”

“Please, Chenle.”

He turned around. “Fine. Five minutes.”

I sat down, dangling my legs off the branch. Chenle sat next to me, watching the ground below.

“Who was your first kill?” I asked. I couldn’t muster anything louder than a whisper.

“The girl from 6,” he said nonchalantly, as if it didn’t bother him at all. “She was running behind me, so I thought she was after me and… I killed her.” I could hear the crack in his voice, but I couldn’t tell if it was guilt or sorrow. Maybe it was both.

I placed my hand on his shoulder. “You did what you had to. It’s us or them.” And I chose us.

“I know.” Whatever he had felt seconds ago was gone. “And you shouldn’t let what you had to do haunt you either.”

I nodded slowly.

“Okay,” Chenle said, getting to his feet. “Time’s up.”

I stood and brushed the dirt off my hands. Chenle stepped onto another branch and I followed, shoving every thought to the back of my mind.

Our search was fruitless until nightfall. We returned to our hollow, thankful to have eliminated the District 1 boy, but I felt no real joy at all. Chenle tried to reassure me that it wasn’t as big a deal as I was making it out to be, but it was to no avail. How was killing someone not a big deal?

I was ready to turn in for the night, but I knew it would be a sleepless one. I reached out to push the leaf in front of the hollow back, but Chenle reached out to stop me.

“Look,” he said quietly, pointing his chin towards the tree in the middle of the launch plates. Climbing up its trunk were two tributes. “Come on.” Chenle grabbed my arm and we made our way over to the tree.

I followed him, biting the inside of my cheek. Deep down, I knew we needed to do this, to kill them, but I didn’t know if I could bring myself to. One murder was enough for a life time, but Chenle wouldn’t kill if there wasn’t a reason and he certainly wouldn’t drag me into it if there wasn’t any other choice.

“Climb,” he said, leaving me at one of the trees neighboring the cornucopia. I watched him slip into the shadows.

I reached a branch level with the cornucopia’s platform, crouching near the end of it. The two tributes were still climbing, oblivious to our presence.

A leaf rustled on the other side of the cornucopia and I could make out Chenle’s silhouette. He motioned for me to take the ax out of the pack and I carefully slipped it out. When it was safely in my hands, Chenle nodded and raised his hand. I stayed still.

The knife skimmed the girl’s arm, sticking itself in the mud below. She let out a pained cry and her partner looked up just in time to see that Chenle's second knife had embedded itself in the side of her head. Her eyes rolled and she fell backwards. Her partner watched her with horror.

I brought my eyes to meet Chenle’s, barely making out the word he mouthed: Go. I shakily raised my ax to throw at the boy, who still climbed despite the loss of his partner. I sucked in a deep breath and let go, watching the ax spin in the air until it made contact with the boy’s leg. I closed my eyes when I heard him scream.

To my surprise, he was still climbing, but it was clear that his injured leg was slowing him down. He reached up, trying to slip his fingers in a crevice, but failed and now dangled by one arm. I could see the panic on his face, could hear his scared cry, and when his arm failed him, he plummeted. His bones cracked when he hit the ground, the ax buried itself deeper, and he hit his head on the roots of the tree. He didn’t move.

I slowly climbed down, trying to keep the tears at bay, but it was to no use. I met Chenle next to their bodies, only a few feet apart.

“District 2,” said Chenle, bending down to remove his knife from the girl’s head.

I looked at the body sprawled on the roots. I remembered his name to be Jeno, the boy who had almost saved my life. Unintentionally, of course, but now, for some stupid reason, I felt like I had wronged him. The District 2 girl on the other hand, I did not feel bad for. She had tried to kill me twice and, in the end, we had killed her.

“Get your ax,” Chenle said. “Let’s go home.”

Home. What an odd word to call the hollow. But I didn’t comment on it and followed him.

Chenle pushed back the leaf and waited for me to walk in first before following suit. He made a fire with the matches we had left in the hollow and patted the spot next to him. He didn’t say anything as he wrapped one arm around my shoulders and pulled me in. I buried my face in his neck, breathing in the scent of moss and smoke, and cried.

He ran his hand over my hair and I listened to the steady beat of his heart. He rested his chin on my head, pulling my legs over his lap so he could hold me closer. I didn’t want him to let go.

“Do you want to eat?” he asked when my tears died down.

I shook my head and wrapped my arms around him. He let me. “Do you?”

“A little.”

I laughed softly. He gave me a squeeze. “You should eat,” he said.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it down.”

He nodded. “Do you want to sleep?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

We fell silent, holding each other as if we were the other’s lifeline. After a while, Chenle moved to throw another piece of wood in the fire, still holding me against his chest. We stayed there, sitting in front of the fire, until the heat burned us, but we still didn’t move. I felt like I deserved it.

“Chenle?”

He hummed.

“Are we monsters?”

“Remember what you told me earlier? About doing what I had to?”

“Yes.”

“We did what we had to and that doesn’t make us bad people.”

“But we killed someone, Chenle.” I met his eyes. “We killed people.”

“It was us or them,” he said softly. “You said it yourself.”

“I know, but…” Tears welled in my eyes and I sniffled. “It doesn’t make it any better.”

“Listen to me, Y/N.” He cupped my cheek to make sure I couldn’t look away. “You’re not a monster. You’re not a bad person. You’re not a killer.”

“But I am!”

“No.” He shook his head. “Killers enjoy what they've done. Did you enjoy it?”

“No.”

“Then you’re not a killer. Say it.”

“I’m not a killer.”

“Do you believe it?”

“No.”

“Say it again. Say it until you believe it.”

I did. I repeated the words over and over again, but they didn’t stick. In fact, I felt worse.

“Are you tired?” Chenle asked when my tongue ached.

I nodded.

He gently moved me off his lap and went over to the sleeping bag, unrolling it so we could sleep inside instead of using it as a pillow. He came back to pick me up, as if I couldn’t walk by myself, and placed me on the bag. Then, he stomped out the fire.

“Can I sleep here?” he asked.

“We’ve slept next to each other for the past two nights.”

“But this is different.”

“How?”

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Because our bodies will be pressed together.”

I scooted over as much as I could. “I’m getting cold.”

He tucked himself in next to me and slowly wrapped his arms around me, waiting for me to object, but I didn’t. I wanted the comfort.

“Chenle?”

He hummed.

“Tell me something.”

“I told you something already.”

“Tell me something else.”

He paused for a moment then said, “When your friends first invited me to play Spoons with them, I was really nervous.”

I propped myself up. “Why?”

“You all looked like you hated me. You, especially. You were frowning the whole time.”

“Can you blame me? You were mean all the time.”

“I know, but I still appreciated it anyway.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t know how.”

“What?” I nudged him. “Too childish?”

He chuckled softly. “Something like that.”

“Being nice isn’t childish. It’s actually very mature.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He smiled.

I snuggled closer. “I hope we win,” I said, “or I killed for nothing.”

“We have a chance. Despite what Yuta said, we actually have a chance.”

“I know.”

“What’s the first thing you’d do if we win?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Kiss Yerim and tell her everything’s alright.”

“I’d dance.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You’d dance?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re alive.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Why not?”

“Because we have blood on our hands and you’d dance.”

“Way to kill the mood.”

I scoffed. “I can’t believe you.”

“You never do.”

“Doesn’t that tell you something?”

He went silent and I closed my eyes.

“I know you think I’m a dick,” he said.

“You don’t say.”

“But I feel just as horrible as you.”

I opened my eyes. This whole time, he’d seemed so unfazed about the deaths he’d caused, like it was a normal, run-of-the-mill activity. I remembered what he’d said earlier about being haunted by the District 6 girl’s death—a death in which he’d been the Grim Reaper. Who would’ve thought that a being such as he mourned every soul he took.

“I never would’ve guessed,” I said, unsure if the humor in my voice could be heard.

“I’m human, you know.”

I shifted onto my back. “When we get home, I’ll make sure you’re never alone. I promise.”

He turned to stare at the roof of the hollow. “Do you think the world can hear us?”

“What do you mean?”

“The arena has cameras and microphones everywhere. Do you think they can hear us? Like truly hear us?”

I bit the inside of my cheek. The world heard what it wanted to. Those in the other districts with late children would see us as monsters. Those in the Capitol would see us as victors. And those at home would do their best not to cower in fear from what we’ve done.

“No,” I said. “No, they don’t.”

“So you’re the only one who understands?”

“I guess so.”

“What a lonely world.”

“Chenle?”

He hummed.

“Can you hold me?”

He paused. “Sure,” he said.

I snuggled into his arms and he pulled me close. I could hear his heartbeat, thumping against his chest like a rabbit’s foot, could feel the way his chest rose and fell. His hand brushed over my hair just like Ma used to when she tucked me into bed. It was a comfort.

“Your hair is soft,” he said.

I laughed. “Grease and all?”

“Grease and all.”

“Should I ruffle your hair, too?”

“If you want.”

I reached up and ran my fingers through it. It was surprisingly soft and I wondered if he snuck off to a stream to wash it, but that was silly. Knowing the Gamemakers, they probably would’ve set his hair on fire.

“Your prep team will have a blast taming this,” I said.

“I can brush my own hair.”

“Shocker.”

“I can do things, you know. I’m pretty smart.”

“So you keep saying.”

“Do you believe me?”

I paused, then quietly said, “Yes.”

He pulled me closer. “I’m glad it’s you,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m glad it’s you with me.”

I was quiet for a moment. The one you love most. “Why?”

“You’re not too bad.”

“I could say the same about you.”

“We should sleep,” he said. “We have to stay alive tomorrow.”

It would be a miracle if sleep would find me. I could still hear the thump of Jeno’s head against the tree roots, the District 2 girl’s scream when Chenle’s first knife cut her and the way her eyes rolled into the back of her head. I couldn’t forget all the deaths I’d caused, whether I was holding the knife or not.

I stared at the top of the hollow, studied the way it curved to make an arch. Would I feel better if I could see the stars? Would that bring me some kind of solace? I couldn’t be sure unless I found out.

Chenle’s breaths were slow, his face relaxed, peaceful. I carefully moved his arm off of me, pausing every time he seemed to stir, and slowly crawled out of the sleeping bag. I glanced back at him when I left the hollow.

I climbed until I could see the sky through the leaves and crossed my legs, resting my head back. Were nineteen young lives shining up there? Were they smiling down on us? If I wished on one, would it come true? I knew that Sungchan might answer my prayer—he had allied with me after all—but would the others stop him? I bit my lip, trying not to cry, but it was to no avail.

I closed my eyes as tears trickled down my cheeks. If I won, I would kill the Gamemakers myself. I would avenge the lives that had been taken. I could do it with Chenle by my side. But the last two rebellions failed and a third wouldn’t be any different.

“Save us,” I said quietly to no one in particular, but I hoped it reached Sungchan anyway and I thought I saw a star shine especially bright before it dimmed to the same color as the others.

I stayed up there for a while, crying until my eyes were puffy and there were no tears left. And when I slipped back in the sleeping bag beside Chenle, I closed my eyes and replayed my cruelty over and over again.

Sungchan crouched in front of me, cupping my cheek. “Y/N,” he said softly, “wake up.”

I blinked once, twice, three times and almost cried at the sight of him. Sungchan.

He smiled and hugged me tight. “I’m so proud of you.”

I thought you died. I reached out to touch him, but my hand went straight through him.

“I did.” His face fell and I wished I could hold him like he held me. “I promised I would protect you until I couldn’t…” He sucked in a deep breath. “And I didn’t.”

No, no, no. I tried to scoot closer, but it was to no avail and I jabbed Chenle with my hip. No, you saved me.

Sungchan smiled sadly. “You can win,” he said. “I know you can.”

I shook my head, but deep down, I knew I could, too. Chenle can win. I can’t.

“That’s not true.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

Stay. You can stay.

“I can’t.”

But you’re here. You’re here right now.

He gently placed his hand over my heart. “I’m here,” he said. “I’m with you here.”

No, I need you alive.

“I’m not alive.” He hugged me tighter. “I heard your wish.”

I pulled back to look him in the eye. They still held a hint of that beautiful honey-brown. You heard me?

“That’s why I’m here.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. My wish is for you to stay.

Sungchan shook his head. “You know it’s not.”

I know.

“I can’t save you,” he said and it hurt to hear even though it was the truth, “but I can tell you one thing.”

I leaned forward as if it would help me hear better.

“Trust your gut,” he said. “Listen to it and do what it tells you even if you don’t want to, even if you think you can’t.”

You want me to kill someone.

Sungchan nodded, his face grim. “I do.”

How can you say that? I pulled away, but there was nowhere to go. He didn’t reach for me. How can you ask me to do that?

“Because you need to and you know that.”

I shook my head in disbelief. No.

“I’m not real, Y/N. I’m just a figment—”

No! No, you’re real! You’re right here!

“You’re not speaking.”

I paused. He was right. I refused to believe it.

He pulled me in. “I believe in you. You can win.”

I can’t. I sobbed and it was a wonder Chenle didn’t wake. Sungchan, I can’t.

“You can and you know it.” Sungchan pressed a kiss to my forehead. “I have to go now, but I am so proud of you.” He held my hands one last time. “And I’m here with you always.”

I watched him dissipate like an apparition, leaving me in the dark of the hollow. I lowered myself next to Chenle when I saw the District 4 girl standing in front of the leaf. “I don’t blame you,” she said.

What?

“I don’t blame you for killing me.”

I stayed upright. Why not?

She stepped towards me until she was sitting just inches away. “Because I would’ve done the same.”

You don’t hate me?

She shook her head and looked over at Chenle. “I should hate him.” She reached out to brush his arm. He didn’t stir. “But I don’t.”

Because you would’ve done the same.

She nodded. “Sungchan loved you. He told me.”

I froze. What do you mean?

“He wanted you to live. He wanted you to live more than him…” She looked at me sourly. “More than me.”

I didn’t—

“I know.” She sighed. “But I agree—you deserve it.”

Thank you.

“My advice is the same as Sungchan’s.” She glanced around the hollow. “Do what you have to and do it well.”

I’m guessing you can’t stay either.

She shook her head. “And I don’t want to.” She slowly got to her feet. “For Sungchan’s sake, I hope you win, District 7.”

Thank you. I didn’t know what else to say.

“I ask you one thing.”

What?

“Mourn us for a day,” she said, “then let us go.”

I watched her leave the hollow, walking through the leaf as if it wasn’t there. I watched the entrance, unsure if anyone else would come and, one by one, they did. Some were forgiving. Others were not. I appreciated their company nonetheless.

When the last tribute faded, the dimmest rays of light slipped through the leaves, and that was when Johanna came. Johanna Mason, the last District 7 victor, had come for me.

“So you might win,” she said, sitting criss-crossed in front of me. “You and Chenle.”

We might.

“And I’m proud.”

I stared at her. What did I do to deserve her praise?

“Because you survived,” she said as if she heard my thoughts. She probably did.

I’m sorry… for what happened to you.

Johanna shrugged. “I was screwed over, but there’s nothing I can do now.” She placed a hand on my arm. “But there’s a fuck ton you can.”

Like what?

“We all heard your thoughts last night.” She leaned in. “You can avenge us.”

No. I shook my head. I’m not a leader.

“But you are.” Johanna leaned back and flicked back the hair on her shoulder. “You have to figure that out yourself.”

I don’t—

Johanna rose to her feet and gave me an approving nod. “For District 7,” she said. Then, she was gone.

Chenle shook me awake and I shot up with heavy, slightly panicked breaths. “What?” he asked, his eyes full of concern.

I frantically looked around the hollow, but there was no sign of the ghosts that had come. “I saw—I thought I saw—”

“Hey.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Calm down. It’s okay.”

“No,” I said and I could feel the tears well. “No, you don’t understand. They were here.”

“Who was here?”

“The—The trib—Sungchan was here.”

“Y/N, you just had a nightmare. Did you sleep?”

I shook my head, staring down at my fingers. “No.”

“You were hallucinating.” Chenle hugged me, but not as tightly as Sungchan had. “You’re just freaked out.”

“I saw them,” I said, pleading for him to believe me. “They talked to me.”

“Are you feeling okay?” Chenle placed his hand on my forehead and I wanted to cry even more. Why didn’t he believe me?

I batted his hand away. “I’m fine.”

He dropped his hand but not without question. “Do you want to stay here? We’ll have to kill again.”

I shook my head. “No.” Trust your gut.

“Okay.”

“We missed the canons last night,” I said.

“We already knew who died.” Chenle dug through the pack, searching for food, but came up empty. “We were their deaths.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. “I know.”

“So why did you ask?”

“To make sure I’m not imagining it.” I looked down at my hands. “It doesn’t feel real.”

Chenle hummed and slipped the pack on. “We should go find food,” he said. “Then, we’ll go back to the cornucopia.”

“Wait.”

He looked at me questioningly.

“Can’t we just wait for them to kill each other off? We don’t have to do anything! We can just let them do it.”

“Y/N,” he said, crouching in front of me, “that won’t work.”

“Why not?”

“There’s only five of us left: the District 1 girl, District 11, and us. If District 11 kills her, then we’ll need to kill them. The Gamemakers aren’t going to allow us to wait for them to die.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. I hated that he was right.

“If the District 1 girl manages to kill both District 11 tributes,” he continued, “then we’d have to kill her. We can’t just sit this one out.”

I pulled my knees up to my chest.

“We won’t kill unless we absolutely need to and if you can’t lift that ax, I will do it. I promise.” He reached for my hands and I let him.

“Okay.”

Chenle helped me to my feet. “We can make it.”

You can win.

“But let’s find breakfast first.”

I followed Chenle out of the hollow and into the morning light. Bird calls filled the air and we joined them in the trees. We left the cornucopia behind us, heading towards the swamp that had become our sole source of water. It was also where we killed the District 4 girl.

I don’t blame you.

Chenle lowered himself onto the branch under us.

“We don’t have time to fish,” I said.

“But we have time to find berries.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. Did Chenle know about the poisonous berries on the swamp’s bank? Did he know about those dastardly ticks that crawled on them? I opened my mouth to call out to him when a shrill cry pierced the air.

I snapped my neck towards the cornucopia. “What was that?” My heart pounded in my chest.

Chenle didn’t respond. He climbed back up to me, grabbed my hand, and led me back to the cornucopia. Tears sprung to my eyes at the thought of watching the slaughter of another tribute, but I didn’t have a choice.

You have to face your fears.

We stopped a few trees away from the platform. The tribute let out another pained cry and I slapped my hand over my mouth before I could join them. Chenle wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in. My tears stained his jacket.

“We need to get closer,” he said after a minute.

“I can’t.”

“You have to.”

“I know.”

Chenle carefully removed his arm from my shoulders and jumped to the next branch. I followed him. We stopped right next to the platform and Chenle jumped onto it. I stayed in the tree.

“Are you that weak?” the District 11 girl asked her victim with a sick smile on her face. She waved her sickle in her hand before gripping it tight. “I’m going to send your chopped up body back to Mommy and Daddy. That’ll teach ‘em.”

She was enjoying this. She was a killer.

I exchanged a glance with Chenle right as the wet sound of pierced flesh reached my ears. I turned to stare at the District 11 girl hack into the last tribute from District 1. Her head rolled off to the side and her back had enough holes to home colonies of ants. I bit my hand to keep from screaming and shut my eyes. I didn’t know if Chenle did the same.

The world went quiet and I slowly opened my eyes. Nothing felt real. This was all a very bad dream. I was home, in District 7, and if I pinched my arm hard enough, I would wake up in my bed, cuddled next to Yerim. I dug my nails into my skin.

Noise flooded back to my ears. The District 11 tributes were laughing, kicking the girl’s head like it was a ball. I was going to vomit.

The girl looked up as if she were to praise whatever deity was above, and when she did, she saw Chenle standing on the platform. She whistled to her partner, who was rolling a dismembered arm in the mud, and he followed her gaze. Their sick smiles grew.

“Chenle!” My voice sounded like it was underwater and even I could barely hear it. He spared me a glance and gripped the knives in his pockets.

“We’ll get her later,” the District 11 girl said to her partner as she started to climb. He grunted in response.

Chenle went to the edge of the platform and got on his hands and knees. What was he doing? If the girl got close enough, she could make his head roll with just one swipe of her sickle, but he slowly got to his feet and ran the other way.

I watched him for a moment. Then, I realized what he was doing.

I took a step back and jumped on the branch pointing away from the cornucopia. I slipped behind the trunks, out of their view, and met Chenle on the tree directly across from the platform. I wasn’t sure if the other tributes had caught on, but they continued to climb anyway.

“We can jump,” I said. “They can’t kill us if we jump.”

“We’re not commiting suicide,” Chenle said lowly.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want my head to be their new toy!”

“And it won’t.”

“Then what are you doing?”

“I want you to run,” he said.

“You came all the way over here to tell me to run?” Was he crazy?

“Yes.” He took my hands in his. “If they get me, there’s still a chance you can win. You can hide. You know how to get food.”

“But they’ll push us together,” I whispered hurriedly. “Chenle, we don’t have time to make a game plan.”

His voice was stern as he said, “Run.”

“No.”

“Over there!” the District 11 girl called.

Chenle pushed me away. “Go,” he said. “Now.”

I didn’t think twice. I ran. And even though my heart was telling me to turn back, I ran, stopping before I could get too far. I climbed further up the tree and jumped back the way I came, crouching at the end of the branch. I watched Chenle race back to the cornucopia, making a full circle, and when he reached the tree I had stood in, he threw a knife. It lodged itself in the District 11 boy’s head and he fell, spinning in the air like a diver until he hit the ground. The knife buried itself deeper from the impact and I heard his skull crack.

Chenle jumped onto the platform, spinning a knife in his hand. He sized up the girl and she did the same, her eyes nearly red with fury.

“I will kill you,” she said, taking a step towards him. He took a step back. “I will hurt you like no one has ever hurt you before.”

She took another step. Chenle stepped back. She was going to push him off the platform.

I chose us.

I hurried to get closer to them, and I saw her lips move, but couldn’t hear a single word. I could only think of one thing: I needed to save him.

“I will skin you and wear it as a pelt!” She swung her sickle and Chenle ducked, rolling under and standing up behind her. She whirled around. “We can play this game all day. No one is coming to save you.”

A rush of hope spread through my body. She had forgotten about me. I creeped closer.

Chenle didn’t speak, didn’t beg for his life. It was driving the girl mad.

“Fine,” she said, stepping closer. “You want to die with pride?”

Still, Chenle didn’t speak, didn’t so much as hum. She clenched her jaw and swung.

He jumped back and I wondered how he did it so gracefully. He led her around in circles, getting her close to the tree—close to me. But she didn’t know that.

“Goodbye, District 7.” The girl raised her sickle. “You don’t get any last words.” She aimed for his throat and paused. I could barely process what I had done.

She toppled over, landing inches from Chenle’s feet, my ax buried in her back. I had killed her. I had killed her. I had killed her.

“Come down, Y/N,” Chenle said.

I shook my head, not bothering to suppress the tears. “I killed her.”

I pressed my forehead against the branch, digging my fingers into the bark. My tears made rivers in the cracks and they seeped into my pants. I couldn’t move.

Chenle left the platform and climbed up to me. He slipped his arms around my stomach and pulled me up, resting the back of my head against his chest. My lower lip wobbled. The tears didn’t stop. I cried.

Chenle brushed my hair back and whispered calming words in my ears, but it was to no avail. I only cried harder, and when three canons sounded and the national anthem played and the top of the dome opened to let the helicopter in, I curled myself into Chenle. He carried me into the craft and the staff buckled me in. He sat across from me and looked as if he was going to kill the woman for separating us.

When the craft’s door opened, I was exhausted. Yuta, Joohyun, and our prep teams waited on the ground and I ran into Yuta’s arms. He hugged me tightly. Chenle stood awkwardly behind us.

“You did it,” Yuta said. “You little shits did it.”

I cried harder. There was no doubt in my mind that I looked pathetic.

“Let’s get you all cleaned up,” Joohyun said, prying me from Yuta’s arms. She slipped an arm over my shoulder and walked me towards the gray building behind us. I didn’t check to see if anyone followed.

The trees outside turned into blurs of green and brown. The sky was too bright and blue for my liking. Thankfully, dusk was only a few hours away and the shadows would surround me once again.

I discovered that I liked the dark. For some, it was filled with thoughts, but for me, it was filled with nothing. It was the only peace I had now.

My stomach rumbled and I turned away from the window, clenching my fingers around the white, silk sheets. I hadn’t eaten in days and, somehow, it didn’t bother me. The first dinner Chenle and I had back in the Capitol had been fish and I couldn’t even look at it without bursting into tears. Berries had turned to poison, nuts held no appeal, and I wouldn’t even think about dried beef.

The last few days we spent in the Capitol were mostly a blur, but I remembered the interview with Ten Lee, being crowned victor by President Colton Snow, the last feast Chenle and I had in the penthouse. Seulgi had held me after dinner that night as we curled up on the couch and watched the highlights of the Games. Watching the ends of twenty-two lives had made me sick to my stomach.

When the words “District 4” had appeared on the screen in gold, bold font, I had gotten up and retired to bed, although with no real sleep. No one had followed me and for that I had been thankful. Now, as I holed up in my room, I could only think of the Games. I closed my eyes and let the tears flow. Maybe the memories would fade with time, but I knew that would never happen—memories like that never went away.

Mourn us for a day, then let us go. I wasn’t sure I could keep that promise.

I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. Nothing could hold my interest for more than five minutes and nothing could take away the empty feeling that consumed my being. Chenle had asked me once if anyone truly heard us and my answer had been no. Only Chenle understood and sometimes, I wished he didn’t.

The door slid open to reveal Joohyun standing in the doorway. “Lunch is ready,” she said, coming to sit on the bed. She ran a careful hand over my hair. “How are you feeling?”

I turned to face the window. I didn’t need to see her to know she was offended. I didn’t have the energy to speak to anyone right now, except for Chenle, and even then I only said a few words. Joohyun was too talkative, which some might find comforting—a way to distract them from their thoughts—but it only gave me a headache.

I sucked in a deep breath and said, “I’m not hungry.” My voice was monotone, dead. I felt like a husk and I guess it showed in every aspect.

“Would you like me to bring you a drink?” She was referring to those sparkly, green drinks that settled your hunger for twenty-four hours or so. I shook my head. “Okay.” She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “When you’re ready, we’re in the main car.”

She stood when I didn’t reply and left the room. I wanted Chenle. I never thought I’d want him when I was Reaped. Now, I wanted him every day. What a funny world we lived in.

The room turned black when the train passed under a tunnel. I let out a shaky breath and closed my eyes. When I awoke, the stars were shining and the dim, light blue night lights were on. I pushed myself up to sit, but dropped back down from the exertion of energy I didn’t have. I steepled my fingers over my stomach and stared at the ceiling.

There was a knock at the door and before I could tell whoever was outside to go away, the door slid open and Chenle stepped in. I made room for him and he cuddled under the blankets, pulling me into his arms. I let him.

We didn’t talk for a while, basking in the comfort of the other’s presence. Somehow, Chenle was still unfazed from the seven days we’d spent in the arena and was able to talk and eat and play with Joohyun and Yuta in the main car while my soul was taken bit by bit.

“We had quail and jello for dinner,” Chenle said in an attempt to break the silence.

I hummed and even that took effort.

“We played darts, too—well, Yuta and I did. I was pretty good.”

That didn’t make me feel any better. Darts had points. Arrows had points. Knives had points. Axs had points. Points could kill. Chenle didn’t seem to notice my discomfort.

“Do you know what a movie is?”

I shook my head.

“It’s a video story that plays on a screen, like the news, but more entertaining.”

We had screens in District 7, but they were only programmed to show the news and, of course, the annual Games.

“We watched a funny one—a comedy, I think it’s called—before dinner.” Chenle tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You should join us next time.”

“Maybe.”

“Don’t make me drag you out of bed.” Chenle cupped my cheeks so I couldn’t look away. “You’ll kill yourself if you don’t get up.”

“I should’ve died in there.”

“No.” He looked like he was going to cry. What a sight that would be. “Don’t talk like that.”

“We weren’t meant to win.”

“But we did.”

“And it’s killing me,” I said quietly.

He didn’t say anything more and pulled me closer. We stayed like this for a while, syncing the rise and fall of our chests, the beat of our hearts. We became one, and just like in the arena, we saved each other.

“I was never going to kill you.”

I looked at him. “What?”

“I was never going to kill you,” he said.

“Why not?”

He sucked in a deep breath. “Because I wanted to bring you home.”

I paused. “But you said—”

“I know what I said.”

I studied his face, the earnesty in his eyes. “You were getting them off my back.”

He nodded. “I hoped they would leave you alone if they thought you were taken care of. They seemed to believe me for the most part.”

I fell silent, processing what he had said. Chenle had always meant to save me and I had thought I was the first one on his to-kill list. I didn’t know what to think, so I stayed snuggled in his arms, and when the clock read 1:04 a.m., I said, “I’m ready.” I sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m ready to watch the Games.”

“Okay.” Chenle sat up, shifting me a little, and picked up the remote on the nightstand. He slid his finger over the black surface and the blue panels in front of the bed slid back to reveal a screen. I sucked in a deep breath when he placed the remote back on the bedside table and the Games began. The first boom sounded and I shut my eyes. Chenle’s arm tightened around me and I slowly opened them again.

You have to face your fears.

I saw Chenle and myself first. I had run into the horn as he ran out, jumping on the closest tree and climbing away. I hadn’t been too far behind when Jeno, the District 2 boy, reached the platform, eyeing me as his first victim, but I’d been too fast and escaped through the trees.

The first day had been boring for the most part. Only eight had died and I knew the Capitol must’ve been disappointed in such a bloodless blood bath. When the first night had ended and the sun had risen on the second day, I straightened myself and gripped Chenle’s hand.

I watched myself share one last hug with Sungchan, heard his promise to meet me back at our tree and our last goodbyes before we had to part. I already knew what had happened to me, so I trained my eyes on Sungchan.

He had wandered through the jungle for a while, twirling his knives in his hands. His walk had been peaceful while digital me ran for her life away from the Careers. I heard Sungchan grunt and turned my eyes back to his screen. He had lowered himself onto a tree trunk and closed his eyes, resting his head back. What a rookie move.

His eyes had snapped open when he heard mud squelch around him and I realized he had been waiting for the beast to find him. It hadn’t been a rookie move after all.

Sungchan had calmly risen to his feet just as the District 4 girl pushed her way through the leaves, scalpel chain in hand. The two had exchanged a glance and advanced on the jaguar. At first, it had looked as if they would come out alive, but I knew better.

Voices had carried through the air and Sungchan paused for a split second. He must’ve recognized their voices for he said to his partner, “I’ll cover you.” She had nodded and continued to fight the beast as the Careers creeped closer.

The beast had reared on its hind legs, towering over Sungchan and his partner, completely covering them with its shadow. The girl had swung up her chain and it roped around the jaguar’s neck like a lasso as Sungchan lowered himself into his throwing stance. His first knife had left his fingers as his partner tugged the chain towards her and the beast’s head fell to the ground, followed by its body.

She had made a sound of glee when Sungchan released his second knife, hitting the District 2 girl in the leg. Then, his cries had filled the air. At the sound, the District 4 girl had whirled around to watch her partner fall to his knees, eyes turning wet with tears. An arrow had lodged itself in between his lungs—in his heart.

I slapped my hand over my mouth, tears streaming down my cheeks like waterfalls. Chenle didn’t say anything and pulled me closer. I let him.

The District 4 girl hadn’t thought twice and took off in the opposite direction. Part of me hated her for leaving him—they were partners after all—but I realized that her life had been on the line, too.

“Turn it off,” I said when the Careers had begun to chase after her. “Turn it off!”

Chenle slid his finger over the remote and the screen disappeared, covered by the panels. I let out a shaky breath.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“No.” I wiped my tears away, but they were soon replaced by others. “No, I’m not.”

“I know. It was a stupid question.” Chenle wrapped both arms around me and squeezed until I couldn’t breath. I wanted him to squeeze harder.

Of course pure-hearted Sungchan had died saving his partner. Why couldn’t he have been selfish for once? But selfish for what? So he could have come back to me? No, I couldn’t be angry at him for this—for dying for a person he had known all his life, even if they hadn’t spoken before the Games.

I’m glad she’s not dead.

“I’m thirsty,” I said.

Chenle pulled himself away the slightest bit. “Do you want me to get you something?”

“No.” I pushed myself up, throwing the covers off my legs. “I’ll get it.”

He watched me stumble across the room, placing my hand against the wall to steady myself. The door slid open for me and I stepped into the hallway.

It still amazed me how steady the train was considering how fast it raced down the tracks. There were so many wonders in this world, even though most of them were small, that Sungchan and all the other tributes could no longer experience. I had robbed them of such things and for that, I would be eternally guilty.

Yuta sat in a seat next to the window, taking sips of whiskey and staring blankly at the seat I had sat in when we first rode the train. He looked downcast, like something was eating at him, and when I sat down, he slowly met my eyes.

“Welcome back to the world of the living, kid,” he said with a chuckle that held no real humor. “Too soon?”

“A little.” I pulled my knees up to my chest. “I thought you would be in bed.”

He shook his head. “Too much to think about.” He sighed and slumped back in his seat. “You probably have a lot to think about, too.”

I hummed.

“Want to talk about it?” He raised the glass to his lips. “I went through it all, too.”

“Does it ever go away? All the memories?”

He paused mid-drink. “No,” he said, resting his hand on his thigh. “No, it doesn’t.”

“So, how do you do it?”

Yuta raised his glass, putting it near his forehead and flicking it out like a salute. “I drink.”

I shook my head. “You’re not a drunk.”

“I’m not.”

“So, how do you do it?”

He was silent for a while and I could tell by the look on his face that he was trying to find an answer. “I don’t know,” he said. “I tried to get into alcohol, but I couldn’t forget what I’d done like that. Sure, I drink every now and then, but I can’t use it as an escape.” He met my eyes. “I think I’ve come to terms with what I’ve done, if that makes sense. I learned all their names, their faces, their eyes. They haunt me every night and I let them.” Tears welled in his eyes and before I could think better of it, I hugged him.

“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice muffled by the seat cushions. “I’m sorry.”

He slowly wrapped his arms around me and we held each other for what felt like forever. When I pulled away, wiping tears from my eyes, I knew that I had to do the same. Twenty-two memories would live inside me and I would carry them—live for them—just as Yuta did for the twenty-three lives he took. And, somehow, I was filled with a new purpose.

Mourn us for a day, then let us go. I couldn’t keep my promise and it felt like I was betraying Sungchan once again, but they needed to be remembered. Every life deserved to be kept alive in some way or another.

“Where did you get that?” I pointed my chin at his whiskey glass.

“Cooler,” he said without looking at me.

I made my way over to the table full of food and drink. Sandwiches and pastries were stacked neatly on white plates and bottles were stashed in an ice bucket held up by a black stand made to look like vines. I pulled out the whiskey bottle at the bottom and unscrewed the lid. I didn’t know if Yuta was watching me, but if he was, he didn’t try to stop me. I brought the bottle to my lips and drank.

It burned my throat and I brought the bottle away, gagging. I screwed the lid back on and headed towards the sliding door. I looked back at Yuta, who still stared at my seat. “Goodnight,” I said. “Thank you.”

He grunted in response and I went back to my room.

Chenle hadn’t moved from the bed, the covers still bunched around him, and his eyes zoned in on the bottle in my hand. “I should’ve guessed you meant that kind of drink.”

I settled next to him and held the bottle out to him. “Want some?”

“No, I’m good.”

I shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

I brought the bottle to my lips, pouring drop after drop into my mouth. Chenle grabbed the bottle from me and whiskey spilled on the white sheets. I stared at him angrily. “Hey!”

“I think that’s enough,” he said, placing the bottle on the nightstand.

I slumped against him, closing my eyes. “How are you so calm?” Tears sprung to my eyes and my voice cracked.

“I’m mature.” He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me in. I buried my face in his neck.

“That’s not funny,” I said, but I couldn’t make out the words I had said. Chenle probably couldn’t either.

“It’s killing me, too,” he said softly. “I just don’t know how to show it.”

“You could cry.” I sniffled and rubbed my nose with my knuckles. “I’ve never seen you cry.”

“I don’t want to. It’s too childish.”

I laughed. “Naturally.”

We stayed cuddled like that until the sun rose and morning light spilled in through the windows. Chenle’s soft breaths filled my ears and I watched him, finding comfort in the face I had come to know in the arena. I didn’t want to think about how sick that was.

You’re the only one who understands.

“You should sleep,” Chenle said groggily without opening his eyes. Did he know I was staring at him? “We’ll be home in a few hours.”

“What if they’re scared of us?” I asked quietly. “What if they don’t accept us?”

“We have each other and that’s all that matters.” He pulled me closer and I rested my head under his chin. He kissed my hair and rested his head against the pillow. “Now, sleep.”

“Will you dance with me?”

“What?”

“I’m going to live for them,” I said. “I’m going to live for all of them.”

“I’ll dance with you.”

I smiled, but I still felt empty. “Can I have another drink?”

“Will you sleep?”

“Yes.”

Chenle groaned as he sat up and handed me the bottle. I took a few gulps, put it back on the nightstand, and waited for him to fall asleep. When his soft breaths filled the room again, I carefully reached for the remote and turned the Games back on. I studied everything—their clothes, their hairstyles, their eyes. Their souls possessed me and I cried for each of them.

They haunt me every night…

I repeated their names over and over again in my head.

... and I let them.

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