#if i was a man or man-adjacent i wouldn't feel bad about being attracted to men i think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eldritch-spouse · 11 months

Note

What happened with original Icons? You know, Asmodues, Mammoth, Satan, etc. Where are they? Are they dead? Are they ancestors of modern Icons?

(Your aimless questions attract the attention of a humble historian, who, maybe out of pity, or perhaps out of loneliness, sits beside you. His posture is mildly concerning.)

" I can tell from the names alone you're the Christian type, right? You must be. "

(He nods to himself.)

" Do me a huge favor. It grates on my nerves having to listen to these fables getting perpetuated for endless centuries -Even my old man wouldn't shut the fuck up about it, may Dorem be kind to him- Forget everything you heard about the sins and the originals. "

" It's all wrong. All of it. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how bastardized the history of this planet and its annexes has been. By your kind specifically. You erased history! It's miserable! You've been living your little lies for a shameful eternity... I guess I understand why. "

(There's a huff.)

" You couldn't even get their names right... "

" Of course they're dead! Do you even know the rulers of today's Perdition? Dead and burned to a crisp, their ashes bathe the grounds of the Rings modern demons walk upon -Oh, the Fragmentation Wars were something truly spectacular- I wish I had been there myself sometimes. "

" Listen kid. Even we have difficulty putting it all back together, thanks to all this damage being constantly spread. I know demons who are more disconnected with their past than you- At least you know there's Icons out there! I've met some fucking skid marks that think 'Satan' is still bumbling around... "

" I'll tell you right now, three of 'em got nothing to do with the originals. Vorticia, Livius and Kalymir. "

(He tuns to face you better.)

" You know how Wrath is, right? Any nut can just have a go at the King, and if they win, they rule. Kalymir doesn't have a single royal bone to him. And that fucker's got a lot of bones... "

" Vorticia is an impeccable Queen, if you ask me. She's better than whatever the fresh fuck Gluttony could have got stuck with, but we're mostly positive she comes from adjacent families. Close to the court, y'know? "

" And Livius... It's a bit hard to tell with all the massacres in Envy's royal lineage, though you can probably safely bet that he was a cousin of the last prince. An ambitious cousin, eh? They say 'keep your friends close but your enemies closer'- I don't think it worked out that well for him. Keep Livius ten feet away from you at all times, those hands reach far. "

" Don't worry about any of that though. If you ask me, us history enthusiasts are going to have some bright days ahead, now that there's two whole highers settled on the surface. "

(A tail can be heard swatting beneath long, weathered robes.)

" Two of them, you hear me? You and I? We're going to bare witness to a new age! Aren't you excited?! "

" We're talking about THE Goddess Miara and the Plaguemaster -You don't even know who those are, you poor idiot, it's not your fault- And I just know they're in contact. I know it! "

(The demonoid coughs, scratchy voice cracking.)

" Anyway. We should talk more sometime. "

(You get the feeling he wants company really bad.)

#general tce #pinnie's art #demon oc #demon original character #Long live the LORE #I'm not going to do this format too often. Just trying new things #Hudd oc

185 notes · View notes

cock-holliday · 11 months

Text

Cropping out anon's manifesto about the differences between ra/dfe/minism and liberal feminism and why one is superior to the other because...

Fuck both!

Yeah liberal feminism sucks ass, hasn't moved goalposts very far if at all, and like most liberal policies relies on groveling rather than action. Doesn't mean fash-collaborating "feminism" is the only other option, though I know y'all love your binaries.

I employ principles of intersectional feminism, particularly along the ideals of transfeminism and anarchafeminism. Hey whoa 3 whole schools of thought we didn't mention!

Ra/dfe/minism appeals to people because it is motivated by anger. Anger at the system, anger at personal trauma, anger at injustice and misogyny and violence...and then rather than becoming a tool for liberation (like intersectional feminists argue, like transfeminists argue, like anarchafeminists argue) it becomes a tool of repression.

The two biggest issues with ra/dfe/minism is that it 1. conflates "patriarchy" (a system) with "men" (individuals) and 2. relies entirely on upholding the carceral state to make progress.

Ra/dfe/minism has moved a rightful critique of patriarchy to a critique entirely of men. Or rather..."men". RFs feel emboldened to BE the one policing rather than being policed. The urge to come out from under a system's thumb is understandable, the desire to inflict your anger onto others is not.

Women who are "too close" to Men are seen as traitors. Butches who present too masculinely, those who go on hormones, those who get top surgery or go by he/him pronouns are traitors. It doesn't matter to RFs if you ARE a woman, if you're doing it wrong you are "helping the patriarchy". God forbid you decide you ARE a man, then you are a massive traitor. Or you are attracted to men and LIKE men then you are a massive traitor. Bi women are traitors. Trans men are traitors. Transmascs are traitors.

You'd think with how many women and women-adjacent folks they push away, RFs would be desperate for allies, so trans women and transfemmes would be welcome, right? In some cases, outright no (TE-RF) in others at the very least they are on thin ice or have to then prove she isn't "one of the bad ones" to join. As if trans women wouldn't already be isolated by Divine Wombynhood and Holy Pussiness.

The RF perspective on vaginal phrases is a pretty good indicator of where shit went wrong. A movement that wanted to normalize a shamed body part warped into a movement where pussy=woman=good, penis=bad=man. A penis is a weapon of mass destruction, it is for violence, penetration is violence, it is conquering. A morally neutral body part got vilified in the quest to normalize another. Because RFs do not want equality or normalization. They want to be in charge. They want to flex power. They want to be the ones to lash out. It is understandable to come out of adolescence angry at the injustice of womanhood. But while intersectional feminists recognized that all women are bound by misogyny--albiet in different ways--and transfeminists recognized the misogyny trans women face and cis women face are born of the same system, and anarchafeminists recognized that the true enemy of freedom along with patriarchy is forced heirarchy...RFs just see anyone who isn't exactly like them as an invading force.

Men can never be allies in a fight that affects them too because men are inherently evil because of...penis, hormones, masculinity, IDing with maleness...take your pick. Women who like men can never be included in the fight because "men are the enemy."

Men are not the enemy. They can be. So can women. A pro-choice man is more of an ally than an anti-choice woman any day. The issue is the system of patriarchy. Like the system of homophobia. Like the system of racism. Like the system of transphobia. Like like like. They are interconnected struggles. You can't separate women's issues from trans issues from gay issues from Black issues.

RF lenses refuse to ever consider other factors than gender in analyzing oppression. Cis women can be the oppressor of trans women. Straight women can be the oppressor of lesbians. And yes, white women can be the oppressor of Black men. And they rely on patriarchy to do it. Women are helpless meek victims who need protected and have no autonomy, so a Black man looks at you wrong he's a villain. The societal issue at play here isn't "ohhhh so women are bad then, not men?" it's that patriarchy is a system anyone with any axis of power can leverage as a weapon.

So they do. White women sometimes rely on police brutality to settle scores with Black men. They recognize this method doesn't work with white men, without ever questioning what is the difference. Or not caring. Or not Karen. All advocacy under RF is tied to punishment. Death penalty advocacy. "Kill your local rapist" "Kill your local pedophile" "Kill groomers" it's a revenge fantasy, not a liberatory movement!

The system is what happened to you and rather than ever challenge the system, you just want to point it towards who you think deserves the violence. You never imagine that moving away from the violence is possible, or worth trying for.

I saw a post once condemning the idea that "feminism helps men" which mostly hinged on the idea that "under feminism, men will lose that cushy pay gap". The post went on to say "feminism will not help men but they should still support it." Well, under that short-sighted take, feminism "won't help women" then either. White women would get paid the same as women of color, and lose their "cushy pay gap."

Intersectionality would level the playing field for everyone, which means women with power to flex would lose it too. Which is a good thing. Anarchafeminism says no one should have power over anyone else, and combating systems of power relies on dismantling it.

Unless of course you were relying on still maintaining power over other women, while then gaining power over men, in which case, that's not "feminism" that's just taking your share of the white supremacist pie.

#ask #anon ask #rf

71 notes · View notes

afarcryfrommymain · 10 months

Text

Far Cry OC Tournament Round 1A: Diana Baker v Dean Sinclaire

About and voting undercut!

Diana Baker (@shallow-gravy)

About: Emotionally stunted, nihilistic 30-year-old bisexual with a guilt complex. Can’t be trusted to make good decisions. Shouldn’t have ever been allowed to be a cop. Sarcastic, impulsive and aloof, does not like it when people Know Her. Steals drugs from evidence lock-up and deep down feels the only thing she deserves is punishment but doesn’t know how to lay down and die quietly; hence her attraction to John Seed. She’s damn good with a gun though.

Does your OC have anything to share?: “Nobody backs me into a corner. I will fight and I’ll fight fucking dirty.”

Anything else we should know?: Pros: impulsivity means anything can be used as a weapon, but feels most comfortable with a firearm. Scrappy in a fight since she spent part of her youth on the streets / in a juvenile detention center. Comes across as “funny” and “cool” on a superficial level. Cons: not to be trusted as a friend or confidante because of poor decision-making skills; has a difficult time establishing close bonds, is just as likely to sleep with your boyfriend/girlfriend if the opportunity arises as she is to beat the shit out of them for cheating on you. Scrawny frame means people often underestimate her but watch out.

Dean Sinclaire (@derelictheretic)

About: Dean Sinclaire is a Junior Deputy and he's a himbo adjacent golden retriever boy, he just wants to help people and maybe convince himself all hope isn't lost for the world. He never liked cop's and wouldn't go flaunting his occupation but he likes to think he's making a difference and keeping his department in line, especially when he arrests Joseph Seed despite Sheriff Whitehorses discouragement. Yeah maybe he brought on the apocalypse but at least he wasn't being negligent! Outside of work he likes creative arts and doing things with his hands, he picks up new hobbies every other month but consistently enjoys drawing, hiking and being bad at journaling. He's besties with Sharky, Hurk and the Ryes and is constantly partaking in shenanigans with his boys. Dean also used to cage fight so he's no stranger to a showdown with all types of opponents, once he steps into the pit it's game on and he won't stop until he or his opponent goes down! He can take a lot of hits and is good at making his opponent exert themself so he can go full in at the halfway mark and take em down.

Does your OC have anything to share?: "I'm honestly just hoping no one breaks my nose, I'd hate to look like my old man at the end of this. It's been a while since i've done a proper fight so here's hoping all that muscles memory kicks in, if anything i'll tire 'em out for sure."

Anything else we should know?: The boy is very hesitant to even playfight with friends or family so if he goes up against another deputy he might be screwed because he won't wanna hurt them even in a low stakes setting!

#far cry oc tournament #polls #far cry 5 #diana baker #dean sinclaire #oooffff tough one

13 notes · View notes

shallowseeker · 2 years

Text

In 10x07, Cas was involuntarily attracted to naked Hannah, and no amount of fandom stuff is ever going to change my mind about that.

(Okay, I was exaggerating a bit just to get your attention there.)

But I think he was nervous seeing her vessel naked in a way he was not when she saw him naked. He has to try not to look. He straightens up, like he’s subtly aroused, and the picture on the wall is a whole bunch of erect buildings. Cas stands torn before two modes: duty and lust. (I would say his physical attraction to her is, if anything, a little involuntary and NOT something he wants to act on. I even think his bodily reaction may be why she thought she had a chance post-the gentle letdown he previously gave her.)

(Yeah, yeah…the board could be casework, the skyscrapers Heaven, but this is more fun.)

Season 10 screams painful things about temptation. I think that Cas is being actively tempted by Hannah, and he defaults to duty, as he always does when it comes to feelings. And Hannah? Wants so badly to be wanted. Maybe Metatron was right about her hidden needs: "desperate to be dominated” indeed.

/// Meanwhile, in the same episode, Sam calls Dean out for falling for a (prostitution) ploy. This comes on the heels of Cas's accidental rejection; that is, his response to Dean's "I'm glad you're here," which was "Another time. There's a female in the car." So, Dean goes in search of validation:

SAM: "But [Shaylene] seems, um... Kind of...available. Like too available. 'Oh, baby, whatever you want. I'm burning up just thinking about you.' No, it's not bad, Dean. It's too good to be true.

Then Shaylene shows up and Dean goes for it, because he (like Hannah) is desperate to be wanted. We cut to him being slammed against a wall, and she stops to tell him she has rules. But she means payment, and Dean is so disappointed that he wasn't really wanted.

As it turns out, Shaylene was “abducted” during a vulnerable time and forced to work gathering souls for a demon. (Ouch. Freshly familiar!)

But in a way, I feel like a fun reading of these sexy scenes being back-to-back is actually both of them being "aroused" and neither of them getting what they really crave (emotional connection). Alternatively, Cas secretly wants slippery shower sex and Dean wants Cas to slam him against a wall? Those two things are compatible.

///

As a character, Cas typically withholds his affection out of duty, even when he feels arousal that he could act on.

(It's fine if you read this differently, but I see Cas as being canonically aroused on multiple occasions: as an angel by straight-adjacent porn, by Meg on at least two occasions to the point of wanting to "move furniture around," and by a random human woman on the street after his grace had been cut out. Not to mention his "hopefully more of this" line and hopping happily back on top of April. So, to me, it's not a total reach to frame Hannah as a very real temptation here. I think Cas's "oddity" lies in being attracted to "strange flesh"/HUMANS/demons/“SOULS,” regardless of the whole gender thing. Ergo, as an angel, he's "queer" because he likes flesh in the first place, irrespective of the shape of that flesh.

HANNAH: He wouldn't listen, Castiel. He wouldn't let me go. I didn't want to hurt him. I could've erased his memories, but... It didn't feel right. I thought if he truly believed we were together, he'd give up. And it worked. So, why does it feel so bad? CASTIEL: You did the right thing. You hurt him, but you gave him a reason, something he could use to move forward and make sense of his loss. I had to take my vessel from his family -- twice, actually. Jimmy Novak. He was a good man. He was married, had a daughter...Claire. HANNAH: And? CASTIEL: And it was difficult but necessary. The mission comes first -- always.

But Hannah, suddenly, does not feel that this is the right thing. Suddenly, she's questioning the parameters of the mission.

Deep down, Hannah wanted to act on her feelings for Cas, but in doing so, she hurt Joe. That's a lot of what their kiss was about--stabbing Joe in the heart. She realized it was wrong to take Caroline for the mission and hurt Joe (and if you squint, I agree this could represent Dean). But at the forefront of my mind, Joe is Amelia Novak.

At core, Hannah realized that in wanting a relationship with Cas, it was at the expense of another person's life. And then came the shame of that. This plot works to underline Cas's shame, too.

It underlines WHY Cas is hesitant to stay on Earth, why he won't act on his feelings for Dean, and why he feels he doesn't deserve to. Meanwhile, Dean spins out because Cas, one of the people who truly knows him inside and out, who wants him to exist as an integrated human with good parts and demonic experiences (not all human or all demon)…doesn’t seem to want him. Anyway… unlike with Jimmy, Hannah can still save Caroline, so she does. But it's too late for Jimmy. Too late for Cas?

So, Cas looks up Claire Novak. Perhaps with enough penance, he can at least be allowed to stay on Earth?

///

Earlier in the season, Demon Dean is having freakouts revolving around monogamy and infidelity. In his mind, Dean hunts and only works works works. He's only good for work; that's all there is to him. He "whores" around, because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for a happy life/the commitment he might want.

And interestingly, the back half of season 10 is about the shame teenage girls feel when used by deceptive men for their own personal gain.

Anyway, Demon Dean is bitter about being looked down on, just as much as he's strangely sensitive about wanting fidelity, respect, etc. Honestly, if Dean didn’t seem to actively want monogamy and devotion, I’d be happy to leave SPN alone as the perfect story of platonic devotion or alternative relationships. But Dean’s got hangups about it. He seems to long for a simple, old-fashioned relationship.

He's sensitive about it, and so wistful, as if he's afraid he's ruined his chances from both the party-boy way he's lived his life and the undertaking of the Mark of Cain. (A painful parallel is that Crowley effectively dangled Dean in front of Cain in order to solve a power problem within his kingdom/Abbadon, in a parallel way to how Randy used Claire to solve his debt crisis. Claire was out running odd jobs to make money for Randy, and Demon Dean wound up working for Crowley to make money/souls in the Hell system.)

In 10x07, Dean seems disappointed that he's not even wanted, but when he faces Cole, we see that his self-worthlessness runs deep: "Cole, once you touch that darkness... It never goes away. Now, the truth is... I'm past saving. I know how my story ends. It's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun." Ergo, Dean is “damaged goods.”

///

Anyway, Dean is sensitive about all of it, because it's the one thing he wants (and can't have, because it's Cas, it's Cas, it's CAS).

There’s a little truth in his distraction tactics:

Dean: What if I said I, I didn't want to die... yet. That I wasn't ready. Father Delaney: Are you expecting to? Dean: Always. The life I live, the work I do, I pretty much just figured that's all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later I'd go out the same way I lived, pedal to the metal and that would be it. Father Delaney: And now? Dean: Now. Recent events made me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And I don't know; there's things, there's people, feelings that I-I want to experience differently than I did before, or maybe even the first time.

SPN 10x16 Paint it Black

///

Dean and Cas are, in season 10 and 11, struggling with, not just their feelings, but wanting to commit and live together despite their mistakes, and they both feel too worthless/guilty/ashamed to do so.

(We see this idealized commitment mirrored with Caroline and her husband Joe; he welcomes her inside when she comes home, the same way Amelia and Jimmy will welcome each other later this season, in Heaven.) (But Dean? Feels like he's damaged goods. He has no right to ask anyone to STAY with him, much less Cas. And Cas? Feels like he should be in Heaven. He has no right to STAY on earth, much less be together with Dean.)

Season 10 is a lot about the baggage of the past and how it affects the future; nay, how is cancels out the deserving of the future. It will not be until Mary comes back that Dean begins to hope for his own future, and Cas won’t allow himself this until Jack (the perfect earthly-heavenly cause) appears.

#dean stuff #dean/cas #temptations #spn 10x16 #cas stuff #spn hannah #duty stuff #soldier stuff #you always want what you can't have #bi cas #bi cas truthing #you are welcome to read it as uncomfortable cas but i genuinely think this is more fun for me personally #shal meta #the bi cas agenda #spn 10x07 #spn paint it black

22 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 2 years

Note

“Only attracted to men in fiction but women irl anon” — thank you for the feedback. This is an afterthought I need to express. It might sound ludicrous.

The trans comment made me feel defensive. While I’ve played with the fantasy of being male and went through a crossdressing phase while younger, I’ve never experienced dysphoria or had a desire to transition. I only ever resented the bullshit that came with being female. Would I become a man if I could snap my fingers and become the real, biological thing? I would try, at the very least. Life would probably be a lot easier.

I pass as undoubtedly straight and female. However, there are a lot of ways in which my body developed like a ftm person on hormones. I was born with a disease in an area that’s responsible for distributing sex hormones during fetal development. I don’t have the disease anymore. I also don’t have the affected organ any more. I sometimes suspect that this is the reason for my attraction to women. I'm also convinced that it had a physical effect on puberty. However, there isn’t any research on how this influences adulthood. It is a rare thing that less than a thousand people get every year. Only about 15% live long enough to be cured and experience puberty.

It is possible that there is something about me that’s not entirely female. There isn't anyone else around who I can completely compare to. However, I’m not going to start complicating my life any further by trying to make my maleness a part of my identity. I don’t feel strongly enough about it to need that.

I have been serial dating men since my last breakup and trying to find someone who will work but when I finally let a guy touch me it was vile. I didn’t feel upset but I also couldn’t stop shaking for a long time once I got into my car after that date. I don’t think I can do that anymore.

I think, at the end of the day, I’m probably gay. Sometimes I’m okay with that and sometimes I’m not. I am also probably overthinking it. Either way, it’s ridiculous for me to hope that anyone else can confirm it.

Well, rest assured anon, that a lot more people than are obvious are not clearly and unproblematically male or female. It could be chromosomally, hormonally, etc. I found intersex conditions fascinating as a teen and was always reading up on them. If you add up all the different types, these things are a great deal more common than people realize. Your particular thing sounds super rare, but I don't think you're quite as alone as you feel if you look at adjacent stuff.

I went through a whole gender questioning phase when I was 14 and concluded that gender is even more of a collective delusion than sex and I don't give enough of a shit about it to call myself anything but cis. Hence my flippant attitude about the whole thing.

Tumblr collectively is way too hung up on the idea that there's some set of words that, once found, will explain you to yourself and even more convinced that questioning means you are the thing and just haven't admitted it yet.

I read all the trans books of the day. It's just that that was 1994, so it mostly gave me an enduring love of Kate Bornstein rather than telling me anything about myself. If I were young now, perhaps I wouldn't identify as cis, but I'm 41 and can't be bothered.

TBH, a lot of what you've said has resonated... except I was raised by a tomboy mom amongst a lot of frumpy middle aged women who didn't give a fuck about being girly or wearing makeup. There were a lot of queer adults around. I don't feel bad about any of this shit, but that's the main difference.

I think you'll find your cocktail of gender feelings are not only not uncommon but practically the norm for a certain kind of m/m fiction-loving geek space.

One thing to consider is that this bit "I’ve never experienced dysphoria or had a desire to transition" is pure 1990s trans culture. I was there! It was all like that!

But it's not the 90s anymore, and trans means a hell of a lot of people who sound exactly like you. That "you're not really trans if you don't experience dysphoria" nonsense is the province of exclusionists we now call "transmedicalists" or "truscum". It's a major schism in trans communities.

It doesn't have to mean anything, but people are going to keep going "Hey! It me!" when they hear your self description.

I mean, you could just be cis with unresolved feelings about being intersex or anything else. Identity happens in your head, and the rest of us aren't in there with you. Just...

It seems like you're feeling very alone and freakish, and you actually just sound like the rest of the AFABs who like BL manga and slash fanfic.

If you don't like guys touching you, I don't think dating men is going to work out. If it's just a sex thing and you could romantically love a guy, sure, maybe, but it doesn't sound like that's what's going on here.

I will say... as someone who was looking mostly at men's profiles on dating sites and then switched to looking for a woman to settle down with, a lot of men suck to date. However much homophobic shit you get for being in an f/f relationship, you can get an equal amount of undermining and extra work from someone raised male who does not know how to be a partner. Even nice men who are trying hard start out at a big disadvantage in most cases. They simply weren't taught all the things women have had drummed into us for years.

If it's actively dangerous for you to be seen as queer where you are, I get it, but wanting a beard is different from thinking it's actually easier to date men. In my experience, it's a lot harder.

Actually... anon... if you do just want a beard... have you considered finding that instead?

Could you find a nice gay guy to be your fake boyfriend and activity partner? If you honestly want to be fake straight for the safety it affords you, there's probably somebody else in the same boat.

72 notes · View notes