#idk if the mutual from yesterday got an ask too and just deleted it idk

[wcamino-confessions]

I wanted to share experiences with echo too. I don't usually want to get involved in any of this kinda stuff but she really hurt me and a lot of my friends and she doesn't seem to understand that.

I was almost an ex, to put it simply. Echo approached me in pms but idk why, and the first thing she was asked if I wanted to be her friend, platonic gf, or "first"? still don't know what she meant by the last one lol. I'd never met her or seen her around before so I was like hell yeah platonic gf that'll be funny!! So we became amino "wives", and she introduced me to a bunch of her friends and it was a pretty fun first day lol. After knowing me for a day she pmed me me saying she loved me, that I was "the best she could ask for" and yada yada

And i was like yeah cool nice bc at the time it was all harmless fun lol.

Later one she started to get incredibly overprotective, despite it being "platonic". She would leave chats or act upset/angry if I joked around with my friends, fake flirting or anything "too friendly". It made me uncomfortable because I felt like i couldn't talk to my friends how I usually did or she'd get angry or upset at me.

I know she left because of this because she told me in pms. (after I had already said no to dating her)

And then there's when she actually asked me out. Just before this she had talked about how much she was scared of rejection. (I don't have screenshots for everything, most of it happened in gcs with friends that are now deleted.) She asked me in a huge message, saying I was "the light of her life", ect.

And i was incredibly stressed out at this time,, because I had no clue what to do. If it wasn't for a friend helping me out, I would've said yes despite not wanting to. I felt so bad saying no because of course you would after a message like that? Keep in mind I'd known her for around week or two. I sent back a long message of my own, explaining why I was saying no while trying to keep her happy at the same time. I said we might be able to try again in the future. I was crying through this because these situations make me super nervous and I felt so so bad for saying no after she had showered me with affection.

We sorta returned to normal after this. Still being platonic gfs because I didn't want to loose her or others over it. She got more overprotective though, like when my post was featured (💖💞ty whoever featured it) she would reply to any slightly negative comments incredibly rudely, swearing and insulting people. This was done mainly while I was offline so I couldn't do anything about it until later. She told someone to "shut your dirty ass mouth", and I ended up getting two hate pms over it which rlly sucked because it made me feel like it was my fault again. She kept up with leaving chats when I joked with friends, so eventually a friend stepped in and told her she was making me uncomfortable.

The 2nd ss was the friend telling me what she said after ^. Echo then posted rants on her wall, left chats, and ignored my pm. She later pmed me herself asking if she made me uncomfortable, and I explained. The next message I got was her explaining she didn't want to be "wives"

Removed personal info for both of us. I explained to her that was OK, I understood, and wanted to stay friends. She apparently shared that want. However, 2 days later, a mutual friend was banned, and when I reached out to her she said she wanted to be left alone. About an hour later she left the conversation and cut all contact.

I felt like it was my fault that she was upset, that I ruined our friendship, and I was confused to why she would just cut me off after everything. I felt like it had all been fake from the start. If she had really cared she wouldn't have done that. I didn't tell anyone except the friend that helped me previously due to fear of them being angry, or ditching me for echo. Later, echo briefly talked to me again about loving a mutual friend (star) and that's the last of it. I'm sure you know what happened with star already so I don't need to fill that in.

Before you say "why not confront echo instead of talking about it here", I did. I messaged her on discord yesterday after the star drama came up and I'd told my friends what happened w me (they were lovely and supportive and I love and appreciate u all so so much💖💞). Echo replied, trying to guilt me (again lol) by saying I didn't care about her, and I was only there because she upset star. I responded with

Blocked out is a personal message from star she wanted me to send through.

I don't know what to think of the whole situation now, and I'm sure I missed a lot out, but I feel that I was manipulated and used. Thank you to: star, shiningsnow, shelly/eth, suki, songbird, minnow, swrmz, all of my friends, worm disco, tplt chat, star's amino staff. Ur all awesome and ilyall sm 💖💖💞

And echo, if you're reading this, stay away from my friends.

#submission

[zoppzoop]

3 and 27:))

Hello ma'am! Ily and imy!!!! I hope you're doing good!!

03: Do you regret anything?

Seriously speaking, not getting studying done sooner because of procrastination. And also not having talked to my parents about architecture sooner. I literally started thinking about it seriously day before yesterday after talking to mom and dad. But ehh i just gotta study hared now.

And non-seriously, not taking the chance and going to the stationery with dad to buy stuff lmao

I went with mom and got just one fineliner pen.

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Tbh yes and twice. Or maybe thrice? Four times??? idk if one of them was a hearbreak or actually just a prank.

Anyways buckle the fuck up we're in for a story time and this is gonna be a stupid ride

Okay, first the 'prank' (now that i think about it it was definitely not a prank). i was in the 7th grade and this one dude from my class came up to me while i was boarding the bus to go home and handed me a piece of paper. And im here confused as to what the f u c k? The dude was kinda like in the competition for the top rank in class (we were very competetive, there were like 5 of us) so i was just confused. I got in the bus and opened the paper. And it had a bunch of stuffs that i dint bother reading because the first thing my eyes landed on was 'will you be the annabeth to my percy?' And (yes i was a huge pjo fan that the time) i got out of the bus and literally yote the paper in the trash (cruel, yes i know. But listen. The dude used to tease me by literally shipping me with another classmate (thats also another story) and GOD that was so fucking ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇso yes i was angry. And i legit didnt like any of the people in my class. All of them were just,,,, nah. Sobyea next day he asked me 'so?' And i said ',,,so what??' And he's like 'whats your reply?' And i straight up said 'uh i threw the paper' and he just turned around and left.

And then we became enemies-ish and literally fought hand-to-hand once (i was kicking so hand to foot i guess?) But ye that happened. And then a bunch of more stuff happened and by the time my dad was gonna get a promotional transfer to another place half the class became like one big group of friends and we became pretty good friends in the end.

Now lets talk about the dude who i got shipped with. I got teased for a whole year and like we were all pretty good friends right? So i didnt mind it in the beginning but then it got too overwhelming in the middle and it literally made me hate every single one of them. But then it got subdued and we decided we'll maybe date? And we didnt exactly say that out loud but he used to walk me to my bus (okay so the bus system at my old schoom was like a few buses were inside the campus and a few were outside. His was inside and mine out, so he used to walk me there. And then one day he said lets hold hands (and we did it was cute and we held hands and walked to my bus for like 2-3 days but then had to stop bc people started teasing us, we didnt end it on bitter terms btw. He used to have like taekwondo practice int he last period and we usually had english then so while going to the buses i used to give him my notes for the day.)

And like a few days later we realised that sure this is nice but he was gonna move schools soon and i legit wasnt that interested in relationships at the time so we 'ended' whatever that was. And on his last day when he dropped me off to my bus he asked me if i had a phone so we could keep in touch and i didnt have it so i said no and he was like 'hmm okay, bye take care' and left. And then his best friend stayed behind and jokingly said 'ah you broke his heart'

Yea okay two down two to go.

Third dude was in my bus and in my class and the friend group which was made up of half the class and wow i feel bad about everything w/ everyone now lmao

Anyways this was in 8th grade. So we were pretty good friends because we were in the same bus and class for the past 3 years now and considering my dad's profession thats a long time in the same place (its usually just one year) and ye so we were pretty close. Everyone in the bus used to olay team up games like charades and stuff

(ah shit i remember a fifth one in the colony damn i hate this)

Anyways number three, so we used to talk a lot. I'd gotten instagram by this time for art stuff so we talked there a lot. Like we sent each other memes and he got my weird and cursed meme shit and also got into anime and bts a bit to understand what the fuck i was saying. And he used to get teased because middle schoolers and junior highschoolers are stupid kids in those terms so ye there was a lot of teasibg which i tried to instantly shoot down because i didnt want a 7th grade repeat when there were chances of dad getting transfered soon coz i want good memories of the place y'know? So ye that happened. And i found out last year (in 11th grade and after dad got the transfer (i started 10th grade after the transfer) and apparently he got teased because he did actually like me and me shooting all that stuff down was literally just a rejection itself so that happened.

And number 4 was a similar thing but way more stressy because last year some random dude hit me up on Instagram and im here confused as to what the fuck? Ｗｈｏｍｓｔ？ and he says he's a friend of the first dude, second dude and the fourth dude (all of them are in the same coaching institute and 1,2 and 4 were also in my class in the past right. They were 3 of the 5 who were in the competition for top rank) and he legit says he wants to talk to the girl that two of his friends fought over and i'm like sir WHAT the Actual ＦＵＣＫ. because in the begining they were good friends in class right? And they had some unknown falling out and im like bitch literally WHAT the FUCK. So he brings up proof and shut because i didnt believe him and fuck off he also broght in another classmate who knew and im here losing my mind because the actual fuck you motherfuckers. Anyways apparently since i didnt like 4 back, he had his heart broken so eh. It was literally a 4 year old thing which those idiots were fighting over even now like dude the hell???

So ye that happened and a whole gc was made and shit was solved and cleared out blah blah freindship rebuilt yadda yadda bullcrap i got so tired by now that i literally am still kinda ignoring everyone rn. (half the reason why i deleted ig was because its distracting and half bc i wanna ignore them all lmao)

Anyways number 5 was in my colony and also in my bus when he used to go to the same school (he shifted to a boarding school later bc some stuff happened w his dad which is a whole another wild thing) and ooh he was also my neighbor! We used to go and play badminton in the clubhouse (literally all the kids of our age group and older used to go there. And after badminton when it was like 7:30 or 8 we used to just sit around in a circle and play truth or dare or red hands or kabbadi or literally anything we could think of. Fun times ngl.) So ye he was on a trip home on a long weekend i think and we ended up cycling around the colony, just us two hanging out. And we were talking and this one girl who he told me was his crush when he was still in school came up and he then told me that that was actually a codename thing he and his friend created and that was their codename for me and he also said he was over it now and i was just there completely shook because i honestly thought he hated me in the middle somewhere lmao. And he said he was just annoyed because another mutual friend of ours in the colony told him that i had a crush on this other guy like one house away from mine (my best friends house was in the middle lmao) (anyways that mutual frined the traitorous mf i truStEd her (actually i'd already confessed to the dude and got turned down i legit wasnt even that invested so it wasnt a big deal. I just wanted to kinda get done with this crush thing once and for all. He turned me down politely. He's a sweet guy he used to be there i the club after i was done with my coaching stuff around 7:30 and then us two played till like 9. It was nice) so ye he told me about his crush on me which lasted a few months??? and that he was over it and i also told him that i'd gotten the rejection from my crush a loooong time ago and he's like huh cool. and ye we kept cycling and talking ab more random stuff till it was time to head home .

ｗｈｅｗ ANYWAYS THERE WAS A LOT TO UNPACK HERE. Anyways- sjdvskdb thanks for the ask this was a wild ride down memory lane. I didnt even remember half the shit till it came down to it.

#also this just reminds me how i used to be at around the top in my class and the coaching at the old place #but here im just #ehhhhhh below average #i kinda idk.... stopped trying??? #i legit dont know what hapoened to me i ised to be such a good student dude #i miss those smart big brain days. #i even had a ongoing fic with like above 100k readers on wattpad back then #i peaked in 8-9th grade ngl #lish.answers

[5sosbitchfest]

Alrighty, Nonsters.  We currently have 290 Asks in our box!  As much as we might try, I know there is NO WAY we’re going to be able to get through all of them.  Everything exploded this weekend when MessyGate went down!   I don’t want to ignore any asks just because I already answered a similar one.  So, I’ve tried to gather as many similar Asks as possible to let your your voices be heard.  Y’all are definitely NOT alone in your feelings.  Get ready for a lot of opinions on Messy’s Twitter Drama.  

Also, if you sent in an Ask and we haven’t answered it yet, please feel free to resubmit it!  I do try to scroll through all of them but it is a daunting task and personal stuff and work make it difficult for me to get through everything in a timely manner!

********************************

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’m really disappointed in Luke and this band in general, the way they deal with things. “honest policy” with messy? So he knew all of this and it was okay? Or he confronted her on this and he is okay with what she has done? I’m not sure this whole thing would be a deal breaker for me, but it certainly would make me real mad at my SO and some whiny excuses wouldn’t be enough to make things alright. Radio silence would’ve been much better than that story he posted, made himself look like a fool.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls will sooner or later become their downfall if their management or them does not realise they should rely on other things than bringing relationship up front to sell their music. I find it extremely bad that they are behaving as if nothing happened, I hope there will be changes once touring will be possible again and we won’t see these girls tagging along everywhere or being brought up in interviews all the time but somehow I’m not counting too much on that.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder if Luke knows everything that Messy got exposed for or just the parts Messy wanted to show him. Bc Luke said in his Story that he wasn't online lately so maybe he wasn't on Twitter too and Messy just showed him the parts that make her look good and he still doesn't know that she spoke bad about Ashton or how she stalked the fans also after she knew that they didn't hack his email adress cause he wasn't on Twitter so he couldn't see the screenshots.🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm just waiting for the day one of them date someone who isn't a part of their circle. tired of them passing around the same toxic girls.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: These girls are just digging a whole for these guys and they want be able to get out of it soon

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: It was a chicken move for Sierra to do it as a reply and no one has talked on twitter that she deleted it because they probably think her deleting it is saying it wasn’t true

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Am I the only one who thinks that guys really only heavily interact with us when they want to promote something or say something about the music? I do understand they have lives so being on Twitter isn't number one priority and with all the drama that surrounds this fandom its very easy to not want to be online a lot, I just can't help but feel that way

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm talking about this messy situation (no pun intended) with my friend and she said to me that Messy should consider changing her career if she can't handle that not all people are going to like her. (that ofc doesn't include any form of harassment bc that's not cool)

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I really don't know how to feel about the Luke situation. At first I was upset and disappointed of Luke but now I almost pity him bc real or not either the management would want Luke to defend her or Messy. And I think Luke isn't the kind of person who would stand up against the management or Messy (even though it would probably be better for him if he would). And most people don't realise when they're in a toxic relationship so I can't really blame him. I just hope this ends asap.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I literally was so angry and frustrated with Luke and this whole situation yesterday that I couldn’t even look at him on my home screen, I had to change it. It’s really a disappointing thing to witness. Whether management put him up to this or he genuinely believes this toxicity is okay, I’m just very grumpy with him at the moment. He deserves better and WE (the fans) deserve better.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I think Luke really needs to be in a relationship with sb who either isn't famous and doesn't want to be or with someone who is famous bc they have a successful career too and who doesn't need Like to be famous.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I’ve only seen a few accounts on Twitter who are attacking Messy and Crusty to the core and exposing every bad thing they’ve done with receipts for the sossies defending them! I’m happy that karma is finally getting to those con artist who think they can get away with anything

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: that recent lierra picture is photoshoped lmao. if you look at Sierra's hand you can see color coming off from it and her arm looks hella weird.her forehead looks hella weird and look couldn't have taken the picture because I doubt that he could stretch his arm that far and make a perfect picture. also we haven't even seen Sierra's face so I still don't believe they're together

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The Lemon pic was like a punch in the face (even though Petunia and Luke are looking cute there). But I've been asking myself lately if Luke has seen the whole drama going around on Twitter or just the posts Messy wanted him to know so the ones who make her look like the victim (and not the ones where she insulted Ashton or she made it clear that she stalked his fans). Cause Luke said he hasn't been online lately.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I mean we dont know how much of the story he truly is aware of and how much s changed to fit her narrative and get L to feel bad for her. Plus he was under pressure from management to do damage control and not standing up for his gf is a very bad look for outsiders who dont understand why she's at fault. It was a pretty neutral statement and he was obviously told to make the post so I dont blame him and just blame her more for putting him in the situation in the 1st place

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I wonder how much toxicity happens behind the scenes, we know S is very manipulative and L is very much a people pleaser so.. and with how much they have to sell their "love" and "happiness" in the relationship. Minipulation is a powerful thing and it could explain why hes out of touch with reality, especially lately since he's isolated with her and doesnt have the voices of the band to raise any concerns and he's been getting skinny again and seems very "meh" rather than happy, idk

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel so disconnected with this fandom rn. I feel like no one is streaming CALM and that makes me sad bc it's such an amazing album. The boys aren't even online anymore, everyone is mad at each other and now Luke comes up with this shit... tbh I wish I would wake up tomorrow and see him tweeting something like yeah I'm sorry about my ig story I still love y'all lmao

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Wait wait wait wait ive been gone from the fandom for a little while now and what the fuck is going on with Luke and S? What did S do that she made a fake ass apology for?? I’m so lost please help me! 😂

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I'm seeing a lot of my mutuals unstanning and I'm just so mad bc Sierra started this drama and got Luke into it and I'm sad that people are leaving bc of this, it's just too much toxicity and it shouldn't affect the band and their connection with the fans but with Luke saying this he makes it seem like he supports the ugly things she does

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I am a Luke stan and I've always loved him bc he has inspired me so much through the years but when he does this things it's like...damn. I feel like he's invalidating the fans' feelings by being like "if you don't like my girlfriend, ur fake" like he has never noticed me on Twitter or anything but my biggest fear is to be blocked by him or just ignored bc I don't like her (although I never expressed it publicly) n yeah anyways :// It feels weird

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Going back and re-reading the DM’s messy literally confirms that she accesses Luke’s account by saying “we couldn’t get in” or some shit like that

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I hate being a luke stan, sometimes it just seems like he doesn't care? he always puts these toxic gfs before the ones who adore him and pay his bills. might just move into Cashton's lane. unproblematic kings.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: He literally posted a picture of him cuddling her and petunia within the hour

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: The saddest part of this situation is it’s like a repeat of Arzaylea. Luke has no idea what a respectful, mature relationship is. We saw it with Arz and were seeing it again it’s just a little bit different. He stays being controlled and manipulated by toxic partners. I really think homeboy needs to be single for a WHILE and focus on himself. He needs to unlearn the things his past and current relationships have taught him about love because if I know anything, it’s that this ain’t real love.

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Is it bad that I just want the larzaylea drama back?? Like everyone could at least agree on their feelings then...

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: Just checked messy’s insta and of course, everyone that still supports her filled her tagged with just the single picture

Anonymous said to 5sosbitchfest: I feel like the reason Sierra is getting away with what she’s done is because she isn’t that known. Like yeah she’s associated with 5sos, but they’re also like not that big which is probably why it’s getting swept under the rug. I’ve only seen the 5SOS fandom calling her out for her actions. If this had happened with a well known celebrity, they probably would’ve been dragged and been trending on Twitter. I might be wrong but I feel like this is what’s happening which is just unfair.

#kirby #luke #lemon #messy #messygate #messy's twitter drama

[alterlifes-a]

i love u and the psd u have for mirio is beautiful!!! can u rec some bnha blogs? or maybe anime blogs in general, thank u!

you want blog recs ?! i got blog recs ! also , i did have another anon a few months ago asking for blog recs , so i’ll only be recommending b.nha blogs , since i can do non - b.nha blogs another day ! ALSO , thank you so much for your input on my psd for mirio  !!  i’m so proud of it , as well tbh !  ❤︎ i’m putting this under a read more so i can gush and not clog up peoples’ dashes !! also these are in order of my following list rn , so it’s in no specific order .

@dualbred  /  @soarsun  /  @eletriq  /  sunny’s other blogs  ❤︎  sunny is someone whose name describes what they are perfectly : he’s a ray of sunshine in your day ! he’s very charming, creative, and sweet, and he’s the perfect person to go to if you want to plot and walk out of the conversation just . screaming . whether that’s good or bad , depends .@frogblep  ❤︎  idk if birdie is okay with a lot of people following since they’re really private + super mutuals-exclusive, but they’re so cute and have such a great personality ! 10/10 would chirp .@ichorsun  ❤︎  wow i love hide the canon character . but for real , rye has such a well - crafted oc , and this blog deserves all the attention it can get !@dprssin  /  @quirkgifter  /  @mcka  ❤︎  listen i know nanners is on hiatus cause the fandom sucks ( which is why i also linked his d . va ) , but that doesn’t erase the fact that he’s got one of the best [ and only , from what i’ve seen hsdkfjs ] nanas out there . also , we support n adore his native american mixed aizawa , thank you . @toughfist​  /  @torncape  /  @tailsfur  ❤︎  nora is so so kind and honestly just a huge burst of sunshine in your day ! also sakkun is such a cute oc tbh . it’s obvious she puts a lot of love into her muses , so go check out her blogs !!@knowthem​  /  @inneall​  ❤︎  i haven’t interacted much with jade yet , but honestly if you write iida i already trust you … sfkjs but honestly speaking , jade is a welcome and warm presence on the dash . just having them around is grounds for a good time !@pyrrhe​  /  @spireheart​  ❤︎  ram my love … my buddy in great music taste … she’s your local lesbian who’s here to kick butt and write amazing replies and guess what … she’s all out of butts to kick .@sepiternal​  /  @amariodal​  /  @hwitzr​  /  @solsace​ ( shut up , will’s an anime — )   ❤︎  rory literally made a mirio because i wanted one , what more could you ask out of a son … but really , he’s one of my longest standing friends and no matter rain or shine , i know i can count on them to be vivacious and original @lacquarms​  /  @jetlegs​  ❤︎  if anything happened to theus i will personally manifest in every tumblr user’s room and delete all of their blogs and destroy the entire website myself . but tbh , theus is so amazing and charismatic !! 100% recommendation from me@whiphero​  ❤︎  hansie is just one of those people who , like , you see a new blog followed you and you go to check it out , then you see hansie’s name on there and it’s just an instant follow tbh .@palmfed​  /  @wuvlite​  /  @dphium​  ❤︎  punpun is always very funny and super multifaceted in his skills … he has so much creative energy , but also he’s the друг friend so like . tread carefully . oh . he’s already there . clicking the follow button . you’re on your own now . godspeed .@amerismash​​  ❤︎  FOSTEEEER [ i yell so loud i break the sound barrier ] follow foster , just trust me on this . you won’t regret it .@tikkvn​  /  @montlady​​  ❤︎  cass radiates big lesbian energy by merely existing and if that’s not the kind of presence you aim to be … but for real , befriending cass is going to be nothing but fun times and a nonstop waterfall of support . they’re so lovely and super valid and just the kind of person you naturally want as a friend !@ohaul​​  ❤︎  i’ve yet to interact much with veggie , but honestly ? i already trust them . sfhjdks but seriously , they seem real cool ! doctors say you need veggies everyday so here’s a perfect chance for you to get your daily dose !@c0py​​  ❤︎  bruno this icon of yours radiates so much chaotic feeling … but honestly , bruno is great and you gotta check out their monoma 10 / 10 say critics ( me )@natsutodoroki​​  /  @ksri​  /  @negativeat​  ❤︎  i’m not over the fact that you managed to get such canon urls but hskfjds clarrie is honestly such a kind and charismatic person , and the way she writes her muses makes it evident they put a lot of thought into how the character is portrayed in canon itself . also natsuo is clarrie’s oc i don’t make the rules .@heartmindcd​​  ❤︎  okay first of all , can i just say : vincent’s art ? [ fans myself … ] but honestly as a fellow artist in the rpc , i love seeing other muns’ art on my dash and vincent is no exception . he has such a distinct style , and this also translates into how he portrays shinsou ! he obviously has a good handle on how shinsou works as a character , and seeing him in my notes or on the dash is always grounds to make me smile !@yunihon​​  ❤︎  endy is the best , eri is the best … but seriously , endy’s eri ( that sounds like a tongue twister ) is amazing . 5/5 best daughter , would adopt and protect from all harm ( please protect eri from all harm )@charistatic​  /  @ofiignition​​  ❤︎  i have so many feelings for gina and tbqh they are all positive . we kind of brushed shoulders with one another in a previous fandom , but now that i’ve gotten to better know her , i can say for sure that i will personally destroy you with both my hands if you make gina upset in any way . but for real , she’s caring and so fun to be around . also we scream about promised neverland together , i mean , what’s not great about that ?!@riteous​​  ❤︎  eulalie has a b.nha verse on this blog so i’m putting them here .  ok ok but thanos is singlehandedly one of my most favourite oc’s in the world . whenever eulalie posts about them i’m just : eyes : : ok_hand : : 100 : … also they look … stunning . seriously , if you’re going to follow eulalie for like the most bare bone reason , follow because their muse is the prettiest but stay because the mun is a wonderful person .@faceplain​​  ❤︎  kit’s sero is iconic … you should check out their blog !! and if not it’s okay , i’m activating my own tape quirk to slingshot you over there right now as i type .@trapsminds​​  ❤︎  i literally look at sunne’s icon on my dash and i immediately light up into a smile , and if that isn’t any indication that this is a shinsou worth following then idk what ever will be .@bgku​  /  @kwurk​​  ❤︎  CLOOOOOOO —- [ i continue this for 3 hours straight until you click clo’s blog ] ok but really i love clo’s headcanons for bakugou so much … even the smallest , two word post will leave me going :D !!@raijima​  /  @slipstep​​  ❤︎  ryou has a b.nha verse so i’m putting him on here too but also vanur is such an imaginative person and i love every single idea that pops out from his head . he writes such amazing and divine original characters , they feel like they’re real and palpable .@tapeties​  /  @exposensei​​  ❤︎  REID I GIVE YOU ALL MY LOVE RIGHT NOW !!! tbh when i think of aizawa , i just think of reid in general … his penmanship with any character is * chef - kisses my fingers *@chargebolted​  /  @noquirk​​  ❤︎  if you’re not following prince i’m going to come into your house and steal all of your left shoes . ok but really , prince is not only inventive and innovative , he puts a unique and loving touch on every single character he writes . literally ! what more can you ask for ?! i actually mix myself up because i’m so accustomed to writing about / with his deck that i forget he isn’t canon , which . hello , hori ? do it . now . puppeteer and analyzer spin off WHEN !?@trickry​​  ❤︎  you’re lucky i’m putting you on here because i literally hovered over your blog just to double check things like i did with everyone else’s and i got met with that stupid header oh my go — ( but follow hunni actually )@thuskindlyiscatter​​  ❤︎  what do you mean ruby isn’t a canon bnha character ( august just ended but i’m extending it . today is august 37th . so you have to follow august during this month . )@rdriots​​  ❤︎  you know how sometimes you just associate a mun or muse with one another ? like , if you thought of the name tooru , a lot of people would think of me ? i think of kiri and one of the first blogs that comes into mind is this one , because leo’s kiri is just that iconic .@viperot​​  ❤︎  don’t follow if you don’t want madoka to release 10 , 000 snakes into your muse’s house . actually it doesn’t matter , they’re going to do it anyway . i hear their reviews on yelp are awful , though :(  in all seriousness , lemon is one of the best muns i know out there . they’re naturally just a great person . #geminisolidarity@scartar​​  ❤︎  i would kill for zander . like . literally . i would kill for zander . seeing zander on my dash brings me so much unbridled joy … also they’re the person who likes every single one of your posts , get THAT kind of support in your life tbh .@quirkedit​  /  @heartslight​​  ❤︎  sparky log onto your monoma . sparky log onto your monoma . log onto your monoma , sparky . sp@ondespair​​  /  @onfaith​  ❤︎  who is this man i don’t know him he just randomly appeared on this blog rec and definitely does not have a super well - thought out and developed oc .@killslove​​  ❤︎  rose logged onto his himiko yesterday and i am still screaming about it more than 24 hours later … but honestly , rose puts SOOOOOO SO SO SO SO much thought into how himiko works as a character , and that makes me happy because i also wrote / psychoanalyzed her for a brief moment and tbh rose ? articulates all of that research into a well fleshed out and believable interpretation of her .@creatied​​  ❤︎  i went to type in the url but then just typed in ‘ maddy ’ like an idiot . but yeah . maddy . she’s beauty she’s grace she loves momo so much and you can very much tell . she isn’t super active rn and that’s understandable but whenever she does post i am heart eyes !@implosiveexplosive​​  ❤︎  HONESTLY JUST LOOK AT JAY’S WRITING AND TELL ME YOU WOULDN’T FOLLOW OH MY GOD IT’S GORGEOUS@boydazzle​​  ❤︎  egg est un auteur magnifique ! aussi … voulez-vous du fromage ? :)@keiuu​​  ❤︎  QUEENIE IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING PEOPLE ON THIS WEBSITE this isn’t even my opinion it’s literally a FACT  thank you goodBYE@aerve​​  ❤︎  can you tell i’m writing so much i’m running out of things to say without just repeating 20239 times that everyone is amazing ( which they are ) anyway coral is one of said people who i can use a billion adjectives to describe positively and yet my brain is churning out none . but coral ? valid . so valid . also gr8 art amazing beautiful wondrous@halfher​​  ❤︎  i think out of everyone here , kaien is the person who has known me the longest … honestly kaien has the skill to be a full - fledged published author at this point and you can’t convince me otherwise . i’ve seen them improve and grow in the 3 or so years between when we first interacted and now … i’m so proud of them tbh !@juuheart​​  ❤︎  i love notay the canon bleach character bUT ALSO NIQUE STOP HURTING HER !! >:((( but also follow nique so you can become attached to notay and yell every time nique hurts her — KJSFFNSDJK@negatiiv​​  ❤︎  hands down one of the most well - done / well - executed oc’s on here . there’s so much development that’s gone on with emi , it’s unbelievable . but also [ naruto vc ] believe it@anquished​​  ❤︎  jihoon is my son and izuku is tooru’s son need i say more i mean really … but also jihoon writes such a unique take on izuku and i love his portrayal so much @faulterd  ❤︎   rOWAN’S MOMO IS SO AMAZING IT’S LIKE I’M READING EVERY INTERACTION STRAIGHT FROM THE MANGA ITSELF !!!@quirkthief  ❤︎  oh my god i’m posting all of these blogs in the reverse order that i followed them from and i literally had to go through 700 followers to finally find connor all the way in the first few hundred i followed after making the blog … how long … is that … how lONG HAVE I KNOWN CONNOR ?! but existential crisis aside , connor’s afo is like … the one canon afo for me lmao . i could write a huge tangent on how much i appreciate him but honestly if you follow him and talk to him you’ll know already . but also be warned cause you’re basically already going to be placed in the afo cult and there’s no escaping please help me i—@greaterhero  /  @conhnhaketon  ❤︎   i literally had to find an excuse to put ro on this because they’re not even an anime blog and they hate the b.nha fandom ( hecking valid if you ask me ) but i want to put them here anyway because you need to follow ro … how are you following me but not them … okay but for real , they’re smart n kind n super fun to talk to ! love forever … and also huge respect tbh …@mightyfrail  ❤︎   a wonderful wonderful all might honestly hsdfjs i’ve been following this blog for soooo long it’s literally … illegal that we’ve yet to interact what the heckie … but yeah , all might is a trans icon there is nothing you can do to convince me otherwise 

#anon . #you bare your teeth as god disproves existence of himself ; tell me —– is that a snarl ‚ or a grin ? / ans. #did u think i was kidding i literally went through 800+ BLOGS ON MY FOLLOWING LIST #TO MAKE THIS BLOG REC ... #also i'm so sorry if i missed you i didn't recommend inactive blogs / ones on hiatus #lmk if ur not on here and ur a b.nha blog mutual of mine i'll add u right away #what’s up —– i’m ru ‚ i’m 19 ‚ and i never h*ckin’ learned how to read . / ooc.

[saetoru]

TELL ME WHY THE ANKLE STORY SHOWED UP ON MY TL WHEN YOU FIRST PUBLISHED IT AND I READ/REBLOGGED IT BUT DIDNT KNOW IT WAS YOUR BLOG AT THE TIME SO I WAS LIKE “wait did this person just steal Tee’s idea???” ASHDJWOQ

HELP THIRTY MINUTES AFTER I POSTED IT i got an ask on my sfw like "tee !! idk if ur friends with the author or not, but someone posted this drabble and it reminded me of your hanma ankle tattoo idea from yesterday" and i was sobbing like fuck and my mutual was laughing at me like "i told u to wait a few days before posting it now its too obvious" BUT I COULDNT WAIT OKAY and yeah i deleted the ask to save myself the embarrassment of my mutuals laughing at me as i claim to be friends with the person EVEN THO I WAS THE PERSON LMAO

but ykw im my own best friend tbh i have a deep devotion to myself

#love letters #no return address

[geleixi]

HEY HI HELLO!!

i have been gone for a little while, and i came back but haven’t really been active. so i guess i’d like to give a ~life update~ of sorts, even tho the only thing that has really happened to me is that my semester started lmao

so--LMAO--tumblr suspended access to my main blog (this one) because i had hoarded urls when i was sixteen. it didn’t feel like a big deal, bc they said that i could just delete any blogs i had that weren’t being used and email them back and i could get access back, but it ended up taking, like, three weeks for them to do anything. okay. whatever.

i guess i want to say right here and right now that i don’t foresee myself ever deleting my blog unannounced, so if it looks like i have, it is /probably/ tumblr’s doing. i have a lot of cool mutuals here that i’d like to keep in touch with after tumblr’s inevitable demise, so if we’re mutuals and you’d like to exchange contact info/other social media, feel free 2 ask at any time!!

as for other things in my life, i guess mostly i feel like if 2016 was the year of pokemon, then 2017 is the year of yugioh

i’ve been playing a LOT of ygo duel links, like A LOT, especially after i had my tumblr suspended. for a while, it was really emotionally draining a lot of the time, because a lot of REALLY horrible people like to hang out on the global chat feature, like honestly the worst kinds of people you can expect on an unmoderated chat in an online game, esp at this moment in history, and i tried dealing with it in ways that were maybe not so smart.

sidenote: for the pegasus event, i managed to get all of pegasus’s drops, but i was at 1.9mil points when the event ended...... i was SO CLOSE to getting the event-exclusive icon, but alas. oh well.

but it’s a fun game, and i got two of my friends to start playing it too. i’ve just been hanging out with my housemates a lot since i shut myself in during finals last semester, so one of them lives in my house, and the other lives across the street and is also in the frat that lives in this house.

i need to kind of back away from duel links for a little bit though, bc all of my characters are nearing lvl30 and soon i won’t have any sustainable way to get gems. so this might be me saying that i’ll try to be slightly more active on tumblr again?

i guess it’s kinda funny bc i sort of ended up living in this house as a last resort, and i stayed away from the people in it for most of last semester because i felt like i couldn’t REALLY be a part of them since i’m not in their frat, but they turned out to be really nice people with similar interests and politics to mine (as opposed to just politics, as is the case for the friends i’ve made elsewhere). one of them even told me yesterday that they value my presence here and that they don’t want me to feel like there should be anything keeping me away from rushing, which was really nice. they do a good job of making me feel included, and they show me physical affection, which i have been starved for. i guess i feel less on edge and more comfortable around these housemates than i have around any other friend group my entire time in college, which is nice and unexpected.

so yeah ANYWAY lmao i ended up being able to see ygo: dark side of dimensions on jan 28, the day after it came out!! i originally thought i’d have to take a bus to connecticut to see it, bc rhode island is too tiny and for a really long time the ticket website didn’t say that any theaters in massachusetts were showing it. i didn’t really want to go alone and, understandably, none of my friends were willing to catch a bus at 3am to see it in connecticut, so i made a tinder profile to see if i could find someone who was willing to go with me LMAO. i have a tinder now, is what i’m saying.

but it turned out that there WERE theaters in massachusetts showing it, bc one of my housemates, one that i haven’t even really gotten very close to, just randomly told me he was driving up there to see it with a mutual friend, who has never seen ygo lmao. so i tagged along, and i brought my housemate who also plays duel links, and I GOT TO SEE IT!!!! and it was only like a 30-45min drive, and i didn’t have to buy bus tickets, and i went with people i knew, so it was v miraculous lmao

i have mixed feelings lmao. i can make a post about it later, but idk what other people thought? I AM VERY HAPPY THAT RYOU GOT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT THOUGH

i’ve been watching some episodes of the gx dub with a few of my friends in this house, which has also been really fun. if another one gets the time, we’re gonna start the 5d’s dub together, which i’ve never seen. i also met another girl yesterday who is a mentee in the asian american mentoring program that i’m a mentor for, and she’s really into ygo too, so i’m gonna see if she wants to watch with us sometime. honestly this is kind of a dream come true; i’ve always wanted friends to watch ygo with...... i’ve always wanted yugibros LMAO

there are a couple things in my life that aren’t really going quite so well, too, i guess. i’m taking four seminars this semester, one for every day of the week from monday through thursday. it’s, like, sort of draining to have to sit in a single class for 2.5+ hrs, and they’re all very reading-heavy so i’m not sure if i’ll be able to keep up. i’m already falling behind in the thursday one, which is a requirement for me.

they’re all also in the late afternoon, so my sleep schedule right now is just fucked. the thursday one runs from 6:40pm to 9:10, which is just really fucking awful. i hate it. i don’t fall asleep until after the sun rises anymore. i’m pretty much nocturnal now. it’s kind of a big problem. i don’t even really feel like a person anymore, tbh.

this is a lot of text, but i feel like i had more to say. umm.

i have not yet watched s2 of voltron, so i currently have it blacklisted.

i finally FINALLY went to see hidden figures!!!!

and i went to go see the sailor moon r movie today with my two duel links friends lmao

so i guess the tl;dr version of all of this is that i’m in a pretty happy place socially this semester, and ygo has been VERY much on the mind, but i’m also, like, not very functional right now either

#personal #this is a LONG POST and it's very scattered lmao #just a bunch of things that i wanted to have been able to share earlier but couldn't

[mcrmadness]

I still haven’t gone to sleep and it’s already 9am. But I went to sleep at 9am yesterday too so what is new anyway... I also still smell the smell of smoke in my nose and I’m slowly getting used to it even tho I feel like I’m standing in a cloud of smoke and need to get away, but I can’t because there’s actually nothing smelling like that. I googled things and I’m slightly afraid of going to sleep because of the things I can find with google and I have health anxiety. I was already hopeful that it’d be migraine because I read that some people have “phantom smells” as the aura symptom for migraine and I’ve never had that but this odor of smoke is just so strong. I’m also having PMS which makes my nose work differently anyway, cats’ treats smelled like strawberries today. So I was almost cheering up today when I thought I was going to have migraine attack but didn’t have it after all. And this is the first time I actually wish for migraine because I want this phantom smell to be migraine and nothing serious, and I want it gone, and migraine might make it disappear. But this is really making me so exhausted and to have mild sensory overload and sometimes I find it even hard to breathe because my brains think I’m breathing in smoke. (At my parents’ house it smelled like cigarette smoke again, at my home just like burn trash smoke.) But yeah, whenever my health anxiety strikes, I often can’t go to sleep and I try to do something that I could fall asleep meanwhile doing because the moment of falling asleep in darkness and silence feels really distressing and horrible.

Anyway, I was left with very mixed feelings from my today’s dive into my old Tumblr messages (but got maybe like 10 to show up and now it doesn’t show any of them anymore but I also don’t want to use the ‘delete all messages’ because there’s 500 messages, or so it says, I sometimes can be bit of a hoarder). I don’t necessarily like it because, idk, I feel like getting so focused on old messages, posts, blog posts and diary pages yeets me straight into those years and it can be bit difficult for me to again get the hold of the year I’m living right now. At the same time I love the feeling of diving into those memories but at the same time I hate it because they make me sad and feel as if someone died just because those are MEMORIES that are already quite old, and I can’t feel the time, and I dissociate (derealization/depersonalization) a lot on almost a daily basis.

But I’m also feeling like I’ve been with my own thoughts for too long now. Really feeling like I need to talk with _someone. And not just talk TO someone but with, since I already keep writing on Tumblr and whatnot but when I get no responces, no notes, nothing, I just feel so invisible and it feels like being to a therapy without a therapist. Okay I’m sorry, didn’t mean to call my followers/mutuals as therapists, I know it’s wrong and I’ve been told often about how it makes people feel uncomfortable. It’s just so normal to me, I talk about mental health just like people talk about weather. It’s just a topic along with all the others. Anyway, usually I’m my own therapist tho. I haven’t even been to an actual therapy in months because the corona fucked up everything and neurpsychiatric training meeting was canceled which made me to totally forget about the therapy meeting, and my therapist didn’t even call me that day which was why I was starting to have anxiety because I was no longer sure of anything at all. And since then she has tried to call me a few times but I’m always sleeping* when she calls me and my phone is on mute, and I tried to call her back once but she did not answer nor call back in weeks, and on all of the other days I’m just procrastinating and deciding to try calling her back tomorrow or next week. I also often forget that I should all her and when I finally remember that, it’s already so late because I get up super later too. Or I remember it but want to eat and drink my tea first and then I forget about it again.

*I don’t want to answer to phone from sleep because I hate it when people hear from my voice that I was sleeping because I just feel like people are going to judge me and my life choices. Talking of that, I really, really hate meeting my neighbours at any times. And my neighbour was trying to be friendly to me the other day, talking and asking things, I talked normally but I was so happy of the fact I was wearing sunglasses because it’s so easy to escape behind them. Anyway, she asked if I am coming home at nights because I often move around that time and she found it hilarious thought that I get back home an hour before they have to get up. Like, okay, whatever. But seriously. I’ve so often heard about how my sleeping schedule is stupid, how I should “try to sleep at ‘people’s time’“, how I answer the phone and I can hear from the negative tone when they say “so you’re still sleeping...”, well this is mainly how my dad speaks to me about my sleeping habits, that I’ve got this stuck to my mind and whenever I do something “weird”, I’m constantly trying to come up with excuses for why I’m possibly doing that, other than just because I can. I mean, coming at home at night? Like, that is no one’s fucking business but still the fact someone has noticed me doing so makes me feel so bad. I feel like a failure and I feel like I have no proper answer, I told my neighbour that I’m not working but I do sometimes come home very late and I keep moving around in my flat at night too. But I hate that kind of conversation because I feel like if I say that I’m just at home 24/7 and that just is my sleeping schedule, people would judge me.

And I actually don’t hate anything more than when people do not say aloud what they think but when you can read from their face their true opinion. I hate seeing it because it’s just 10 out of 10 cases when I talk with “adults” or the older generation, they will look disappointed when you say you don’t have the regular sleeping schedule (which is something society has decided being the only good one). I just feel so ashamed of it. And I’ve been doing this since I was 15, always at home trying to walk as quietly as possibly so that my parents would not wake up to ask me “are you STILL up???” and I often went to bed right before my dad woke up and I was doing things, reading or writing, and whenever he would move in the living room, I turned off my lights and tried not to make any sounds and pretend sleeping in case he’d notice. He has never been mean, but just the sound of his voice when he so often asked me why aren’t I sleeping yet or have I yet again stayed up the whole night just... I hate that tone in people’s voices. And I’ve been living alone for 5 years and still every time I move here or do something, I imagine my neighbours hearing that and wondering to themselves why is that person still up. And I try to come up with “excuses” that could be true, maybe I was to somewhere, maybe I had long day at work (I don’t work atm), like, who the fuck cares, but still I try to come up with something because I feel like “just for fun” is an answer people will always judge me for. There’s always something wrong with me for wanting to stay up the whole night. Therapists, doctors, everyone always trying to tell how I should fix the sleeping schedule, how 11am is maybe still a liiiiiitle bit too late for getting up, why not e.g. 9am instead? And I’ve so often tried to explain to people what my natural circadian rhythm is and how it keeps moving all the time etc. but people always keep telling me that it’s something we can train our brains to change. But I fucking can’t. I was working for almost 5 years straight and I had to do 7:30 mornings every day (and occassionally 6am mornings) and let me tell you, I never ever felt awake until the clock hit the noon. I was always nearly falling asleep on that chair if I sat there for longer than 15 minutes but when noon happened, I was no longer feeling tired. And I could not go to sleep before midnight or 1am because there just wasn’t enough hours in one day for me to recover from work which is why I used my potential sleeping hours for that. 

And the biggest reason for this annoying me so much is not that I’d hate my own sleeping schedule, I think it’s perfectly fine for me, but the fact that I constantly feel bad for it because if people know, they will judge me and almost always tell me their opinion about it too. And their opinion is often about how I’m faulty and should fix it asap.

#mcrmadness' random stuff #personal #long post #loneliness #rsd?