#idk and even worst is that theres no instant answer and fix

[lllsaslll]

I hurt so so bad and the fear of the diagnosis I will get....

#idk what theyre gonna tell me but the top 3 options in my brain are the top worst #i just...at this point i just want to feel like a functioning human again. #but legit the thing it probably is.. there is no easy solution #ive watched my dads body eat itself alive. attacking him from the inside out spending days in excrutiating pain... #and that im probably on my way to that life too... u.u i think he was about this age when he was diagnosed #tho i know a friend and theirs doesnt seem as horrible...their medication actually seems to work for them? idk #idk and even worst is that theres no instant answer and fix #if any of the 3 things i think it is is true...then it starts a longer process of figuring out a treatment...treatment that #itself is harmful. #i need a nap. i need sleep. if i dont then ill continue to feel the pain and cry. #but im stuck sitting here...pretending like im okay. pretending like im working.