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jangyeevns · 5 years

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eight for the happy meme

modified rp meme — ( accepting )

eight characters i have played.

i’m just gonna put this under a read more because i wanna gush about my soon-to-be revived kids and the ones i miss sdfglkgf

also, don’t drag me for the gifs being different sizes and psds. some of these fcs get Fuck All in terms of resources compared to the others sO —

sage ( herrera - ) buckley

so sage WAS a nina dobrev fc, but with a little tweaking to her ethnicity i’ll use her with a kelsey merritt fc ! she’s a medical student with a desire to work in the lab, unlike her past version who already WAS a working lab tech of sorts, and is a very sweet, playful lady. back in her old rp, sage was super adventurous, loved to travel and try new things so these distractions from the ugliness of the world didn’t really affect her positive, live in the moment outlook ! honestly, she was one of my fave muses before i left the community for a minute to focus on post secondary, and i’m glad that i’m able to build upon her old characterization now that i’m older and more realistic. also shoutout to my old pals gorgeous and dakota bc i wouldn’t have refurbished my sad ass variation of sage if they hadn’t opened southportrpg :/ miss them and their messy muses

odessa fulton/lorelei dorsey

while she’s going by lorelei on my indie, she went by both at one point when i used her in two or three different rps. she’s my lax but passionate photojournalist baby who was a means to become a better researcher with muse backgrounds and helped me to better understand aspects of ptsd. she had been sent to different parts of the world for her job, but was caught up in the crisis in syria i believe — i’m 90% sure it was before the time when we began sounding off about plots and backgrounds based on Real, Scary Events that could be really problematic, otherwise younger!me would’ve changed that to be respectful — and had to deal with the traumas associated with the bombings and unrest once she returned to take on more National or Regional stories; i never went too deep into it as it was a triggering topic and i didn’t wanna use events as severe as that in a tone-deaf or heartless manner, but i did want to explore beyond the safety blanket i had in place for my muses and considering my interest in journalism abroad and a certain movie at the time, odessa/leia came to be

estelle claxton

i didn’t get to do much with her, but este was a part of a futuristic apocalyse rp centred around an artificial intelligence uprising, her being a tech whiz just like her dad; he died during the uprising and her and her family had to either seek refuge elsewhere or become part of a resistance group, and she wound up doing the latter with her older sister. rather than follow that plot, she’s just gonna be your usual grad student with her shit together — which is fucking rare SLDGFJDFKS so you’ll really get to see her fun, witty side without some sense of doom looming overhead !

laure zehner / brigitte sondag

js but i hate how sarah’s resources are primarily with this type of psd and are mostly from her period work. basically, give me her letterkenny and interview clips Thanks !! sgflfjsd

my sweet little french spy.. so born laure zehner, she was used in an rp that was essentially reviving people who died prior to said rp’s present day or decade in some magical, unexplained way. she was the daughter of a wwi veteran in the alsace region and would go on to wish to be onstage, doing so upon moving to paris to become a cabaret performer and adopting the stage name brigitte sondag. forget how i explained it in my mia intro for the muse, but she soon became a spy for the allies after the germans occupied france during wwii and, after years of killing and hiding the bodies of officers, she was arrested and killed by a firing squad in secret. came back to life a good seventy years later and had a Massive modernity shock.. idr what followed but she was truly a badass, i wish i did more with her :/

louisa kent

my little oddball artist :( she was a creative girl who had a bit of a wild child lifestyle, and in the rp that she was created for, she was something of a telepath ?? basically, she wished she could find an easier way to communicate with her best friend, who was serving abroad in the military or something, and suddenly ? she could talk to him in her head ?? it never got fleshed out and tbh i probably wouldn’t fuck with something like that again bc of my perpetual fear of being godmoddy, but she was fun to play — albeit cringey bc past!me was equally cringey with All of my muses — and the rp itself had some cool people :/ i just miss anyone i got along with in the Slightest in the past, okay ? LJGSDFKL

kang miran

the first form hyeran took.. but one i revamped a Good bit when she became the music producer ari and i know and love JFGSKLG miran was a little college dropout with a sugar daddy and a dream to run her own fashion label/boutique, a fucking sweetheart who was ever the hopeless romantic ! honestly, she was either the basis for kerry or vice versa, idr which rp i joined first. but unlike kerry, miran could hold her own a Little better, she had people around her who didn’t coddle her or weren’t always sweet in return after all — but i chalk that up to ker being part of a small mumu of college pals for the Great majority of her ( still ongoing ) run while miran was just used in that rp. anyways i miss many of gangnamhq’s lovely muns almost two years later and it’s where i first met a good few of my mutuals even if we didn’t get to interact ic, so i still think about it fondly fslkdgd

maxime seong

look, he’s up on my indie to be used, but bc he’s only had a proper run in One rp, he counts SLKGDS he’s one of the only males i’ve ever used in a group and for good reason. Bc I Fucking Suck At Characterizing My Own Male Muses. DSFLKSD i’m just insecure and uncertain as hell with them, that’s all. but max was just a scummy hetero fuckboy from france, the male version of the Iconic han yeseul but a little more headassed, and for the latter reason Alone is he Okay in my book. otherwise i’d fucking disown him sdjgfkdsfl he wasn’t used for very long, the rp lost heat and i kinda lost muse for him, but he’s certainly a memorable endeavour of mine

kang saerom

i Loved playing her. so much SGLJSGFD i never really played a Genuinely dark muse until her, as far as i remember anyways, and romy took Some inspo from yeseul as well ( plus they share an fc ) ! she was a girl who had almost done it all in seoul’s criminal underbelly, somehow being corrupted at a young age to Push Her Limits and going from a simple teenage pickpocket to a con artist, to a coke dealer or some shit for some quick cash, to an assassin. with some psychopathic tendencies, she had a substantial amount of self-control when it came to chasing her dangerous highs or when confronted, not prone to genuinely snapping for little or even good reason.... though it would go down the drain if you took the last boston cream doughnut. Watch Your Fucking Back SDFGJKSDF

#icb i took this lonG to get it done #DFKLJGDFG #fucking finally. but thanks love ! :((#tw long post #answered.#anqelheart

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hellblazed-blog1 · 6 years

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@silverskins:

cue the slow tick of her brow, a sly smirk blooming across her lips as arms fold beneath her bust. they keep running into each other like this, and trouble was always bound to FOLLOW the both of them. sue her for trying to date, trying to get the man before her off of her mind—yet somehow, the paths they walk alone kept CROSSING. there’s no escaping fate nor destiny when it comes to someone like him. she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t been watching him across the restaurant with his date, and hell—she even lied to her own date about the need to use the ladies room when she saw trenchcoat over here strutting off, but at least anastasia managed to catch john alone.

stepping forward, she raised a hand to brush against his chest, ever so gentle to push him back against the wall, her voice dropping to a hushed whisper as waiters brushed past them:

“ i didn’t ask you if you were jealous, i asked you why you keep following me, john. coincidences happen, but this is ridiculous. ” tongue skimming lower lip as she withdrew her touch, blue eyes meet his with a squint. another quirk of her brow as electric eyes glance over his form, scarlet lips purse tight with a roll of her eyes.

“ unlike you, i don’t mix business with pleasure. ” anastasia hissed, clearing her throat as she glanced down the hall, avoiding those dark eyes that never failed to eat her up.

“ —whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night. i just find it FUNNY you bring a pretty girl here with you and managed to snag a booth in view, it’s like you knew i’d be here. ”alright, she just admitted she was watching the two from afar like a hawk, but hey—doing what she does, she’s an observant woman. he’ll understand, right? as for her date; he’s cute, sweet, SAFE and the perfect boy next door, but obviously unable to keep her attention unlike the mage before her who was nothing but a bad boy with a touch of dangerous and my god, did she want a TASTE of him. safe? sure. you can’t go wrong with a safe bet like lover boy waiting for his date to return—but dangerous… was thrilling, intoxicating, invigorating: just like john—-but as for now, she’ll resist temptation for as long as possible, especially with sight of another CUTE GIRL on his arm.

rocking her jaw side to side in thought, cue the cocky tilt of her head as blue eyes rolled to lock on his. smoothing hands over her dress, it took a minute for anastasia to gather her voice—to gather the confidence to go straight for his jugular with a few rather sharp WORDS.

“ i bet she’s tired of waiting, john. ” her smile is stiff, unnaturally cold while her hands slithered down to her hips as she stepped back, wandering a few paces away with the CLICKof her heels. “ maybe next time, we should go on a double date, hm? you’d like him, he’s got an accent, too. ” was that a wink? yes, yes it was.

Funny how this little dance of theirs always plays out. The two barely know each other, but they harbor a strange sort of attachment that’s difficult to define. The spark between them that first night they met was more than just a spark, it was a CONFLAGRATION-- and now, held hostage by the blaze, they’re merely circling the inevitable.

He’s got a million reasons why the two of them would be a bad idea. In her mind, she’s probably got a million more. But when she pushes him back against the wall in a quiet corner of the restaurant, lithe fingers drifting over the fabric of his shirt, it’s hard to give those reasons any voice. The truth is-- though he’s got a date, and she’s got a date-- there’s nothing he’d rather do in that moment than duck down and KISS her. And from the way her eyes dance away from contact with his, he’s got a sneaking suspicion she’s eager for the same.

But she’s too good for him. She knows it, and he definitely knows it. (Doesn’t mean that will stop him from trying.)

So he’s watching her with the smallest of smiles as she tells him off. (Who are you trying to convince, Ana?) Maybe he did feel the slightest twinge of jealousy back in his booth, spying on Ana with her date while pretending he wasn’t spying on Ana with her date-- but the fact that she’s here and not there is REASSURING. She’s been watching him too. And closely. Which means John interests her more than the man she’s with, even if she’s convinced herself that interest is strictly platonic.

“Mm-- it’s FAKE, by the way.” Not that he minds the prospect of a double date if in the end everyone gets to share-- but her date isn’t exactly John’s type. Of the two, Ana’s the only one that holds his interest, and right now, sabotaging her opinion of the other man is his best chance. “He’s trying to impress you. Wonder where he got the notion that you fancy accents?”

She’s turned away by now, fully cocked and ready to head back to her table. But that would be too easy. He lets the weight of the insinuation creep into the silence-- a baited hook to reel her back in. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he waits for her to turn back with a rebuttal on her tongue-- further evidence that she’d rather be here, ARGUING with him, than back at her table with her date.

#silverskins #†. IC #// icb this #anyway lookit me I got a long reply done it only took an hour #and tomorrow I might be able to get some more stuff done who knows

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saintobio · 3 years

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a visual of me reading all the plot twist in sn and thinking of more:

HOLY FUCK?!?!?@

okay so imma need to write an essay on what I just read but I don't have time (ToT) (and tumblr deleted what I wrote for chapter 16 when it came out and the ask box closed by then so I have to re read it and write it again *crys*) but I still wanted to hop in and say a few things ( ´ ▽ ` )

but my god everything is coming together right now and as always it is a masterpiece

all the cute moments got me happy as fuck and them giving eachother the rings had me crying inside a bit 😭 🤧

but aside from the story related thing (which if it is okay I would want to tag you in in terms of what I had had say but I might just hop in and paste it next time the ask box gets open) I want to say all the writing you have done is LITERALLY MORE THAN AN AVERAGE NOVEL LIKE HOLY FUCK😀🤌🏽

got me over here like:

(like it is almost as much as Harry Potter and the half blood prince for reference sake😀)

and on top of that...FOR FREE WHAT THE FUCK-

all of your works especially sn is just really fucking good and you are so fucking talented and are doing so much for this series that I feel like it is illegal to be reading it for free like holy-

and reading this is really inspiring for me to work harder in many ways

aside for that love you so much saint and I hope you enjoy your break and still enjoy writing this series♡♡♡♡♡ (have these as well since the message is short and not really about the series)

the reaction pic sjdfnsj thank u for sending this through !! i’m sorry it took me long to respond but i do read each and every ask that i receive. they’re very entertaining and motivational to me so ty <33 and yeah icb i wrote this much for a single fic 😭 it’s near 200k words soon !!

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not

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taikanyohou · 4 years

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hey faiza! have u seen that tweet saying the night they finished filming, win woke up in the middle of the night and said “it’s sad to think i won’t get to be tine again” and bright going “you’re just now feeling that? i started feeling it since last night” :((( they are so attached to their characters they love them so much im so glad they got to be sarawat and tine and we’re so blessed it’s them

hiii anon!! i did see it, the day he tweeted that out, and i wrote a post talking about how much that got to me. like. apparently, win was so so sick on that final day of shooting the ep 11 forest scenes, and yet. and YET. he did that. God. win's put so much ... effort into being tine i honestly do not know how he handled the pressure, weight loss wise and everything else as well. i still wish people gave him more credit and appreciated him a bit more bc ... he said that tine isn't really all that much like win himself, in that, tine is always high energy buzzing around but that win himself isn't like that, so being like that all the time would wear him out when they were shooting (coupled with the fact that he was legit starving himself to lose weight). and getting to see win's performances now, especially when it comes to seeing how well he portrays tine's insecurities, the way he acted out tine crying???

he is ... icb this is his first role??? and i just wish people appreciated win outside of him being this cheerful rich guy that he's always getting boxed down into and that they took him a bit more seriously and put some respect on his name and view him as a Good Solid Rookie Actor and A Real Human Being bc bright's said that ... win actually really really worries and stresses out so so much but he won't ever voice it out loud and he wishes that win would sometimes. and i wish people would stop labelling tine as this "dumb boy" bc ... its a Lot Lot more than that. tine has so many different faces to him and win blends them all so seamlessly to make tine this character that has so so many layers to him. like these 2 things grate me so much lmao and they're my biggest pet peeve.

and of course win would become so attached to tine bc its his debut role. he said he waited 2 whole years and took actng classes for 2 whole years just to debut on 2gether. and he's done so so well that it hurts when we saw him in jennie's reaction vid, literally microanalysing and scrutinising himself through a microscopic lense of how he was acting. i just wish he was a bit more confident in that aspect of himself, but that will slowly come, just like how doing solo livestreams so naturally came to him bc he and bright have said a few times that when its win alone, he gets so so shy and doesnt know what to say bc, if you notice in interviews, bright usually does most of the talking and win listens and then adds on, and he likes it this way. and i remember him doing an ig live once and there were long extended pockets of ... just ... silence bc he was so unsure. but then look at his solo live at lunch! he did so so well!!!! so it came with time. and i hope that confidence of being able to relax and not scrutinise his work so much comes too.

but yeah, i just hope he knows how well he's played tine. and i hope to god that every single person who doubted win last year when the first trailer was released and said that win could never be tine bc he didnt look like tine at all have taken back what they said bc i ... cannot see anyone else other than win play tine (not even bright, who was initally meant to play tine!)

#faiza answers #2gether #2gether the series #tw eating

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riskeith · 3 years

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oo.. a read more.. how mysterious ;)

shsjjdhdjf hi! it’s pretty and fluffy yes ! some of it have melted away though sadly.. 🥺 how are you? hope your day has been amazing <333

i tried to go to dragonspine last night because albedo’s quest opened up for me a while back and it took me there and i failed like two seconds after so i just went to bed all angry shekdhskdbncj i kept thinking about how easy it would be if you had diluc, xiangling or klee on your team since they do ‘big’ fire attacks that would help with the frost... :(

have you decided that you want to build your whole team or just focus on 1-2 characters? i’ve heard some people say that it’s better to do just 1-2 but i’m hesitant over it... they’re your main team for a reason you want them all to be reliable yk..?

“LEGEND OF KORRA?” omg..... fun fact the first klance fic i ever wrote (never released it though since its still unfinished hskshdj) was a klance lok au! imagine the boys as rival probenders... 🥴 lance waterbender... keith firebender..... 🥵 but thank goodness you decided to give it a shot sjdkfjdk look where it lead us.

i meant that exactly! that’s not negative that’s just life because same here. i ended up just deleting everything when i started uni (the only thing i have left is tumblr) because it’s kind of hard keeping up with fandoms and stuff when the weight of the world is on your shoulders ... :/ even lost contact with practically all my internet friends lmao sheesh. do you still find it difficult to find motivation to write n stuff? (this is such a heavy topic soz)

us on our date.... chillin... suddenly hilichurls attack. incredibly romantic.... <3333 venti to your xiao i wish!!!!! #bringventiback2k21pls 🥺.. dude you reminded me!!!! i was on ao3 the other day (as one usually is) and did you know there are so many genshin fics? i was SO surprised?? kind of fun tho, have you checked them out?

no need to promise!! but you have my undying support <333

ohhh?? you wouldn’t? i mean your reasoning is absolutely valid!! the end was most definitely very disheartening in so many ways lol.... i probably would still tbh i just miss them a lot. like getting a chance to see lance and keith again with the same voice actors n everything??? i think i’d do anything for that LMAO when it comes to story though i have no idea... not really sure what they could do with it. maybe something with lotor?

YOU WATCHED SPIRITED AWAY????!!!?!? BABY I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! i’m so so so so so glad you like it oh my gooooood this is the best news ever <333333333333333333 i take it you’re now finished with it; what did you think? 🥺 also howl’s... girl my heart is soaring. i just know you’re gonna enjoy it so much!! aaaaah, let me know when you check it out <3333

icb you’re teasing me like this....,,..... ‘just wait until you read the last section’ i’ll just go die then. that was already so beautiful and there’s more??????? let me go back to my original roots and ask; hand in marriage? 🥺💍 multiverse.... i have questions.... is it like, a one shot for each or is it like.. jumping between the universes? 🥺

stay safe, stay healthy mwah!! 🥰

hiyaaaa~

awww does snow not stay for long where you are? or is it not cold/thick enough to stay 😔 and i’m good! didn’t get as much done as i wanted but tomorrow certainly.. (i say every day FHSKFSD) hope yours is amazing as well <3 :*

FHSDKJFHSDKFHSJD omg ripppp im sorry 😭 but one day!!!! you will conquer dragonspine i can feel it. oooo wait do you not have xiangling yet? :o and also you mentioning diluc reminds me of this tweet i saw here, maybe he isn’t actually optimal for that enviroment AHAHA

yeah i agree with you! I kinda focus on building the traveller most bc i use him a lot of the time, but recently i’ve been trynna build everyone else up too and balance them out. like you said we want them all reliable and they all have different uses and functions, so.

PRO!!! BENDERS!!!!!!!!! omg wait were they gonna be... forced to work on the same team?? 🤪🥵 either way S tier concept. but also um excuse me?? you write fic too?!?!?! “first klance fic i ever wrote” implying there are more??? maybe published ones??????????? i won’t ask for links in case it like outs you LOL but omg??? excuse me?? how is this the first time i’ve heard about it >:(

shit that sucks :(( ugh im sorry you felt the need to do that! :( is it also kinda freeing and relaxing tho? that you’re not involved or have any connections or obligations.. idk sometimes all that overwhelmes me too. sometimes i have a really hard time writing yeah, but that’s also due to various other reasons unrelated to school. like twice a month i tell my friends i’ll quit FHSJFKDSHK but i never do lollll and then sometimes i’ll just get hit with such an intense urge to write and then im like?? i was so stupid for thinking otherwise? (and no worries at alll <3)

FJHSDKFS couples that fight together stay together 🤪 i think that was in one of my todobaku? fics LOL. okay but i saw some leaks (which i don’t condone but welp) suggesting that maybe... venti would return 2 banners after xiao or something so hopefully!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was looking at tier lists too and he was really high up so now im like fuuuuck maybe i can’t spend on my primogems for xiao i’ll have to save again FHSDKJFSD. ngl i was pretty surprised to see so many fics too! but nah i haven’t really read anything, hbu? also did you know there’s an official genshin impact webtoon? i haven’t read it but i am considering itttt

<33333333

AHAH yeah that’s fair tho. i think s8 ruined it so much for me that anything else would make me feel empty sighhhhh. but i was also gonna say something about lotor! honestly i feel like if they did make something else, it’d be a prequel or something, maybe even the prior paladins, so we wouldn’t even get to see klance at all fhkfhsksd.

i really liked it!! not sure if it was bc i zoned out towards the end tho, but i felt like the ending came pretty quickly? or maybe i was just so immersed i didn’t want it to end... ahaha. but i still stand by the fact i love haku sm..... i think i’ll watch howl’s tomorrow! i considered starting it tonight but i still wanna soak in spirited away for a bit so... we shall see <3 but ofc i’ll def let you know all my thoughts when i do

YOU ALREADY HAVE MY HAND BOO!!! you have my whole heart too just take it i’m giving it to you 😩❤👐. it’s one shot for each! I was actually considering making it a multichap with each chap as a new universe, but i have a horrible track record with those and idk that i could make each universe long enough fhdkfjs. ugh honestly i’m tempted to just like send you what i currently have anyway bc i honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish it fhskdf but there are some good moments in there that deserve to be Seen..

thank you!! you too, hope you’re all nice and warm 😘🤩

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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minhos · 4 years

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OK I HAD THE SAME REACTION TO THAT TBZ STAGE I WATCHED IT LATE BUT IT CHANGED MY LIFE!!! i cant believe it took me so long to watch BUT. it was so amazing and now it’s one of my favorite things they’ve ever done omg it was BEAUTIFUL and the TALENT????? 😔💝 i was blown away

honestly fr i just wanted to watch the stages with the rtk episodes and not get spoiled but at that time i didnt have time to watch full episodes so i just ended up forgetting about it 😭 like i heard everyone praising it but i didnt really believe it until just now and i just...wow ??? i also loved shangri la as a song before but they made it so much more dramatic and fitting for their stage i just 🥺 am so proud of them....icb it was the one round they didnt win in tho lol

#answered #honeysung #on the otherhand tho i found checkmate kinda disappointjng #*disappointing #but i understand the limitations #all the prev stages tho??? amazing showstopping unbelievable #idk if i can pick my fave..its between reveal and quf

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zcldrizes-a · 5 years

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❤︎ 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒚 ! I know you didn’t think you were escaping a post about this, or me throwing it out there to the void that it IS in fact your birthday, because honestly everyone should know to give you all of the birthday love – but I will try to keep this post from being a little shorter than last year, because otherwise it’s going to turn into an enormous essay titled ‘how much I adore my husband’ and honestly the length of that would blow any thesis of yours out of the water. And honestly, I’m still squinting at our parents for choosing to have us a year apart and a world apart, because I would genuinely love to give you the biggest hug and remind you that no, you are not that old, but you have accomplished more in your non-old years than most people ever do in their lifetimes, and you’re only just getting started. Icb I’m already starting the sap, and I promise literally none of this is going to be coherent.

But in tradition of our long posts and our lack of ability to adhere to a word limit – let me put this under a read more before anyone yells at me for breaking the dash, because it’s likely it’s a possibility ( and you know when I start, I don’t stop. ) // @killthebxy

Most of what I want to and could say, I’ve already said before. You’ve been here since the very, very, very beginning of my blog – and almost two years later, you are still here. And that I was so intimidated to talk to you at first because your writing, and your blog was stunning and I was still trying to figure out what a tag was, and how to code a theme, and I think it took me about five minutes of talking to you before that changed. I keep saying it to people, and I’ve said this to you so, so many times by now, but knowing you genuinely changed my life for the better. You know how I was, and what I was like when we met – and there are always going to be bad days and good ones, but what I will say is this: since we met, there have been a hell of a lot less bad days. I have quite literally told you things that I have never told anyone before, and it’s always been met without judgment, but with the most pure of understanding and patience, and a heart bigger than anyone I’ve ever met.

There is a reason people gravitate to you so much, husband, and it’s entirely due to how magnetic you are. How welcoming you are, the fact you’re always happy to offer a level headed opinion without taking sides, the fact whenever someone is having a bad day you’ll literally drop everything to hear it. How many times have you stayed up when I’m sad, and literally asked “will you be okay if I sleep?” Or that one day where you were on a break at work, and you were like “I’m going to talk you through this, because I can see you’re not doing so well right now” and literally ( well, almost literally ) just held my hand through every part of it? How many people have you done that for in your time here? There is a reason tumblr broke over #FILGATE, and there is a reason people got so excited upon your return back to tumblr. And speaking of, we don’t talk about that four month period of time, because your wife was a puddle on the floor ( I was literally you in summer ) because on the one hand, I was so, so, so proud of you for doing so well and for everything you were accomplishing, and on the other hand, my .exe failed because I was like “what to do without the other half here” and I hate to think how many messages you returned to.

Maybe that is part of it, though. You throw yourself so deeply into everything you do with such genuine love and interest. The day, for example, you had tweaks made to your research project – and came home and were radio silent for the rest of the day, because you were so consumed with everything they’d said to you. Or the fact whenever you cave and make a new blog, you don’t just make a blog and start threads and call it a day – you have to go around and fix every part of that canon, and craft it to make your own, and write a thesis worth of metas. You genuinely care, about whatever it is that you’ve decided to commit to, and you just commit to whatever it is. Honestly, I admire that so, so much.

I honestly just cannot believe how much happiness I have gained from knowing you. Whether that’s just tossing around headcanons, or memes, or crying over my cats, or the many times that you’ve talked to me while drunk ( and reassured me that I am in fact prettier than the drag queens I danced with ) – or my personal favourites, our movie nights and the time we supported each other through 8x02, and the time I convinced you to watch Narnia with me, or even when I stayed up til 3am on a day I had work in the morning because I was determined to not watch Spartacus alone ( “nothing can hurt me anymore” – and “WAIT I TAKE IT BACK” ) – some of these memories are my favourite ever, out of the entire time I’ve been roleplaying. And the thing that makes me smile is for years to come even when I finally step away from this site, I’ll still have those, and I’ll always think back of how happy these things made me, and you’re always going to be a part of that.

And let’s not even get me started on the almost dozen verses we have, or the fact we seem to have a new one every few days / weeks, and how much I love each of them, and how inspired I am for them. They make me happy. And on a bad day, each of those things I have screenshotted for the sad days makes me smile, and you’re a large reason for that.

Husband, I love you. With my entire heart, I love the person you are and how happy you make me. Forever the Jon to my Daenerys, the wolf to my dragon, the Winter to my Spider, the Gannicus to my Saxa, the Crixus to my Naevia, the Sheldon to my Amy, the law to my science, the brain to my heart, the constant voice in my head that tells me I’m going to be okay, the father to my children ( which makes me the mother to Neo and listen, I will never give that title up, that photo of him is still on my phone ), the writing soulmate I never knew I needed and my reason to smile on a bad day and my pocket Fil who roars at mean people for me and my best friend and otter half and my husband, from this day til my last day.

𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌. 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒚 𝒃𝒊𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒅𝒂𝒚. ❤︎

#killthebxy #fil tag.♡ » to the moon and back. «#happy birthday my lovely <3

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beardyallen · 5 years

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Well, that went quickly...

What day is it? I’m starting to lose track of how long I’ve been here...

Well, it’s been a week since my last post, and it seems that a lot must have happened, but honestly I feel like I’ve just been cranking through a bunch of comic books.

But I do know that Friday and Saturday involved a good deal excitement, so I guess we had might as well pick up pretty much where we left off!

Last Friday was Orientation for ICB, which meant getting all of the 35-40 instructors, 10 staff members, and the 6-8 people in charge of this program together in a room to introduce us to...basically what we’d been doing all that week. Also, aside from a couple study-abroad-undergrads and my officemate and me, everyone there had probably already heard the spiel.

It was scheduled from 5p-6p with a buffett afterwards, but a bunch of the Communications people from my floor were going out to eat (again?) afterwards, so I made plans with NR. She wanted to try this Mexican restaurant in what I’ll describe as the “international district” of Beijing. Most everything around us when we got there looked like it belonged in literally every metropolitan area in the world. Every major brand you can imagine had a store. Multiple. Too many...

But the Mexican restaurant we visited is owned and managed by a Mexican expat, apparently. He even stopped by our table to ask how the food was, and let me tell you: that quesadilla was the BOMB!!! And the margarita was pretty good (not as good as MHO’C’s, though!). By the time we finished up dinner, it was kind of late, so we wondered around the shopping center, found a bookstore. You know: the usual.

Fun fact: when a store or restaurant wants to indicate to their patrons that they are getting ready to close, they play smooth jazz and turn the lights down. Like for real. Had their not been windows open to the pavilion outside with it’s hundreds of light displays, I would have been seriously concerned when the lights in the place just went out and Kenny G popped up on the speakers.

We entertained the idea of finding the cinema nearby to see Alita Battle Angel, but during the 15 minutes that we spent wondering around in search of the complex, it seemed to elude us. Plus it was getting close to that time when the subway shuts down, and I wasn’t exactly hankering for a taxi ride this early in my stay....if at all.

The next morning, I got up early to meet back up with NR at the National Museum near the Forbidden City. Now, for the most part, the stairs I get don’t bother me. But I will say, if you’re going to stair at the pasty white guy with a hard-to-describe-its-color-accurately-beard, maybe don’t do it when you’re going 15 mph on a bike, facing in the wrong direction! *sigh.....Some people’s kids...

But what really bothered me, especially at the time, was the father-of-three who straight-up filmed me on his phone from 5 feet away for a solid 6 minutes, three hallways, and two escalators! I get it, I’m funny looking. But I really think I a picture would have done just fine...

One of the things that bothered me the most about that experience was that (a) he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, (b) his daughters seemed rather embarrassed, (c) he filmed me with the screen aimed at me so I could watch myself on his phone, (d) there was text on the screen, and (e) it went on for a solid 6 minutes.

In hindsight, I was wearing sunglasses and a hat, in a subway system, in the morning, heading to the center of Beijing. Maybe he thought I was a celebrity? I had spoken to a Communications graduate student the other day who happens to be black, and he told me the story of how a citizen here pull out their phone with a picture of Samuel L. Jackson on it, and gestured to him as it to ask if it were him...even though SLJ is for sure at 70 years old and this kid is no more than 35. And he looks 25. #smh

Anyway, after dealing with whatever the hell that was, I got to visit the museum! They, for whatever reason, were not allowing people to bring their charging blocks into the museum (external battery that you can use to charge your cell phone and other devices on-the-go), but more surprising to me was just how many people carried one with them! At least, it was surprising until I took a moment to think about it. As I’ve mentioned before, basically every payment made in Beijing is through WeChat, which needs internet access, so I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising. You also really can’t navigate through the city with some sort of Maps app; there are just too many bus routes, train routes, terminals and stops to keep logged in your head.

As far as the museum itself goes, the gifts to China from foreign governments exhibit and the Ancient China exhibit themselves took most of the day. Also, no surprise: the gift that took up the most floor space was given by a U.S. President. I also got a refresher in 8th Grade Social Studies. Too many small countries to remember all of them, and that space made me feel somewhat moronic.

The Ancient China exhibit was exceptional, though. They broke up the last, oh...750,000 years of human-ish life in China into 8-10 separate eras, the first few cataloguing the life and evolution of Homo erectus pekinensis into Homo sapien, while the latter eras were segregated dynastically. I’ve never seen the progression of human evolution laid out in such detail! The rock tools became better rock tools, then pottery and paper, stamps, buildings and so much more! There were even ceremonial helmets that would put the Juggernaut to shame!

It was strange, though, to have all of this knowledge just beyond my fingertips both literally and figuratively. The literal sense isn’t too shocking, as I’ve been to a museum before and know not to touch the pieces, but to have placards written in a language that would take years to learn was frustrating. Fortunately, NR has a never-ending supply of patience, and she translated much of the text. She even quizzed me on several of the characters. I’ve worked out how to write “rock” for sure.

After the museum, we wondered over to a nearby mall that, honestly, puts the Mall of America to shame. No joke. This place was huge! It just kept going and going and going! There was a particular alley that has all of the “exotic foods” that you might see on The Amazing Race, which I haven’t tried yet but intend to, but the rest is mostly-outdoor shopping center. Our reason for being there was to find food (we had been in the museum for a bit over 7 hours), and then sit our fine asses down in a movie theater to watch Alita.

We found a restaurant that served food traditionally found where NR grew up. It was exceptional. And the beer just made it better. :P

The movie experience was something else entirely. I’ve gotten used to watching television and movies with subtitles so that, when people decide to talk to me, I can follow along with both bits. Or if people are just talking near me while I’m watching television, I don’t have to rewind the show. That helped a lot; the movie was still spoken in English, but there were Chinese subtitles. I recognized the Chinese character for “1″ frequently enough, but that was about it.

The movie itself was way more than I expected. I shouldn’t be surprised, given that one of the primary characters is played by Christoph Waltz. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should definitely consider it.

Also, additional fun fact: I’m thinking that most (if not all) showings of major motion pictures here are in 3D. *shrug* Side note: we’re going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow and I’M SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED!!!!

After the movie, we wandered back to the subway station and parted ways mid-subway-ride to head home. The next day I spent playing Kingdom Hearts 3 and sipping some beer in the 3rd Floor Lounge. All day. It was blissful.

This workweek has consisted of four main things: teaching responsibilities, a bit of dissertation work, trying out another one of the cafeterias on campus, and reading comic books. Oh, and beer. But that kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? There’s a convenience store on the other side of the building in front of the Guest House that has cans of beer. You can buy them individual for 3 yuan, or roughly 45 cents. I won’t lie to you: I bought 12 of them and it didn’t cost me more than 6 bucks. And it’s really not bad, and even more convenient than the liquor store I lived by in Denver.

Anyway, as I said, I’m going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow, then to “W-Town” (originally Watertown...so glad they shortened it...) in northern Beijing, which sits at the base of part of the Great Wall. More than 20 people from ICB will be heading up to their on Saturday, so I imagine one of them will take pictures. Probably ML or S. So you’ll have those to look forward to since you know I won’t be taking any!

Oh!!! I almost forgot the biggest thing that happened this week! Actually, it might be the biggest news of my entire stay!!!

I did laundry.

And I washed my slippers. I’m not convinced that they’ve stopped smelling, but I’m holding out hope that I’ve finally figured out how to resolve an issue that I know humanity has been seriously struggling with for decades. I’m on the verge of a breakthrough, people, I swear!

Anyway, time to finish this beer, read a bit more of Scott Lynch’s Republic of Thieves (WE FINALLY FIND OUT ABOUT SABETHA!!!!), and head to bed. Big couple of days ahead...

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

P.S. I bet you thought I was gonna forget! After class on Wednesday, I worked out how to make a phone call from here to the States to wish my Mom a Happy BIrthday. Caught her at work, and we got to chat for a good long while. It really put a nice cap on my evening, and it seemed it gave her a good start to her day. Anyway, I hope you had a great evening, found something nice at C&B and enjoyed that glass of wine you mentioned! Love you!!

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seesgood · 6 years

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DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY OF MY LOVES ARE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS? no? cool well ya’ll are about to find out .and BELIEVE ME when i tell you that you should follow the shit out of all of these guys. if you haven’t already. and if you haven’t, what are you doing you’re so missing out!!!

@bloodmirrored ; @keeperofhumanity ; @1000liveslived ; @dissolvedshadows ; @wulfking ; @oddyssea ; @peaceific ; @grcdy ; @beaniesandmachetes ; @cordeliakomskaikru / @rainkilled ; @roaming-agent ; @motherbuilt ; @lead-pencilskirt ; @sterxid ; @scarredesmeralda

alright this time i got smart and am listing in alphabetical order so it’s easier for ya’ll to find your little love blurb:

@1000liveslived --- so i know i was later than most people to hop onto the ‘holy shit jess is literally one of the most incredible humans’ bandwagon but i’m here. and i have my little conductors hat. and we gon fuck some shit up with love alright? but you know i love you. let’s talk about how much i love emma. emma is realistic. and dynamic. and she breaks your god damn heart as much as she makes it soar. emma, to me, feels like the kind of character that could exist in real life. she has flaws, she has strength, she has this lingering air of reality about her that not many people can bring to an oc. and tbh all of your ocs are like that and i love them all so much. they’re such unique characters and i love them more than anything.

@beaniesandmachetes --- ok so i know you’re technically not on jake as much anymore but tbh this is the blog where i first fell in love with everything about your blogs. for starters, your writing is to die for, writing with you has always been one of my favorite things. i love all the little details you put into jake and how you make him stand out among other ocs and other blogs that use jared as a fc. and while we’re at it, let’s talk about jared as a fc bc like honestly once in awhile an oc will come along where the fc is honestly just PERFECT and it makes the character and drives everything and tbh i can’t imagine jake with any other fc. jared is perfect. every last minute detail ( which i’m sure you’ve thought through bc you’re just that attuned to your characters and i love it ) is perfection. seriously i am deathly terrified of zombies but like your blog would make me try and watch twd again. which is a big thing, ok? bc i’m literally terrified of zombies.

@bloodmirrored --- icb i’m literally mentioning you on all of these ffs everyone’s gonna know i’m trash for you. but you have 800 blogs and i can’t tag them all so i’m just gonna tag this one especially and give @reapcriisms a shout out bc fuck man i love aleksei but ok anyway let’s talk about the sweetmeadows: bc i. love. them. so. freaking. much. you’ve made such a wonderful, organic, and believable contrast between the twins. where i don’t think they could exist in a verse where the other one doesn’t. as stand alone characters, they’re phenomenal, but when you put them together it’s like this magic just happens and you get to this whole other level of understanding and quality and overall perfection and i’ve told you before and i’ll tell you again that you honestly do develop some of the best ocs i’ve seen. like you have 800 of them.

@cordeliakomskaikru / @rainkilled --- le sigh. i’m mentioning both of them under one little paragraph bc i don’t wanna seem unfair but i feel like you should know by now that i could go on about your muses for 1800 days. seriously though. i’ve never met anyone who could have the kind of muse range that you do. like all of your muses, be them canon or oc, have different voices and mannerisms and none of them bleed together ( which tbh i feel like is super hard to do idk how you do this ) and i honestly forgot ( like legitimately ) that cordelia and peter weren’t “canon” like i got super confused when the trailer came out and i was like what an outrage where is cordelia i am going to riot oh shit wait she’s not technically in this show whatthefuck basically though, everytime i think i can’t love you more, you go and do something else that makes me love you more. just stop. my heart will explode. and i will die.

@dissolvedshadows --- throwback to those like 6 months where i did nothing but stalk your blog and constantly hover over the follow button and debate whether or not i should just go for it bc i was like ‘well shit if they don’t follow me back imma die’ BUT YOU DID AND HERE YOU ARE and skdjfsdkjlfh wow ok lets talk about caleb and ana. i am a sucker for characters who have two seemingly contrasting characteristics but somehow it works. like case in point, the thousand year old terrifying pretty much all powerful immortal demon who can’t figure out how to google things and ana the badass ‘could probably kill a man with boots and look fab doing it’ but who also i feel like just kinda needs someone to love her ( coughconnorcough ) and it takes someone with serious writing chops to pull that off, which --- hello, it’s you. it’s literally always gonna be you. i don’t think i’ll ever be able to accurately describe how much i adore you. but it’s a lot. a whole lot.

@grcdy --- !!!! JURASSIC WORLD OC !!!! like honestly i don’t know why the whole world doesn’t follow you for just that reason alone? which yes, would do you a total injustice bc you are so much more than just a jurassic world oc BUT YOU’RE A JURASSIC WORLD OC but ok, fangirling about your amazing oc making decisions aside, can we all please collectively appreciate bella? please? because girl is fuckin fantastic. like strong and smart and tough and incredible and badass and all around just a wonderful character that should have existed in the movie ( and now does, in my mind, thanks. ) and i just like, you guys. jurassic world. original character. plus great writing. plus and even better mun. plus just a great fucking character there are no drawbacks.

@keeperofhumanity --- i know you’re not as active on z anymore which tbh i think is a tragedy because of all of your characters ( which are all awesome ) z has always had such a soft spot in my heart. not only have you managed to make a character that is totally and completely badass without going over the top and in your face about it and making it hard to write with, but you’ve managed to weave in this incredibly soft and tender side of her. very few people can do that with the amount of finesse that you’ve managed to. and yes, no matter what blog you’re on you’re an incredible writer and an incredible human, but fucking hell ash you literally mined gold when it came to zandra. she’s incredible. like you.

@lead-pencilskirt --- emma aka the biggest sweetheart of an oc ever to be made aka the love of my life aka idk how you made her this amazing and how you yourself are this amazing but holy shit it’s like the holy grail of rp blogs. like writing with emma feels breezy. chemistry is natural, writing is fun, our threads are kinda just a nice break to be able to reply to. i love well developed ocs that feel like they could super easily just step out of the rp world and into the real world and we would never know the difference and emma i feel like fits that mold to a perfect t.

@motherbuilt --- and here we have another one of those oc’s where i have to literally remind myself that she’s not “canon” because she’s so canon it hurts. honestly i swear i don’t know how you do it or how you’ve made her this true to life and fit her in so well to the t100 universe but you’ve struck gold, okay? because lou feels like a part of that universe. she feels like she belongs with the other characters. and the whole idea of this scared kid who is gonna have a baby on the ground where they’re all probably gonna die? it’s freaking genius. plus lou herself is just all sorts of tough and badass and inspiring but also has this soft side and she’s so loyal and i love her to death. and i love all of our threads so freaking much.

@oddyssea --- okay but you literally took like one of my favorite tropes ( the bantery treasure hunting guy ) and made him better. and you gave him an accent. and you developed tf out of him to the point where i’ll be like psh nice try indiana jones but karter kane coulda done all that and looked better doing it ( which is hard to do, i mean we’re talking about young harrison ford here okay? ) but alright like, not only is karter an incredible oc but he’s one of those muses that i just love reading things for. i love all of your threads, even the ones that don’t even involve me in any way shape or form. you made an oc that’s fun to read and fun to write with and is just all around a great character. fuck man i could go on and on about how incredible he is and i probably will for the next billion years bc you’re stuck with me ( and care ) for at least that long

@peaceific --- when i first followed you i honestly had to like refrain myself from getting giddy everytime you expressed an interest in writing with me. because you have been and always will be one of THOSE blogs. like the blogs that just radiate in the quality vibe. everything about noah and your blog and your writing and theme and everything is so perfectly matched and formatted and organized, i envy it. and even beyond that, noah is a fucking incredible character. like the most original idea for a character i’ve seen in my time here. i can’t get enough of writing with you. i can’t get enough of talking to you. i just wish i could constantly force you to bask in that kind of love day in and day out until you were like ‘damn ok i get it we’re loved’

@roaming-agent --- my girl. caroline’s girl. literally like i feel like you me and lissa need to make some kind of charlie’s angels verse with these three bc that’s totally the vibe i get from them. honestly though i just really love taylor. there’s something about her that’s really innocent and sweet despite the fact that i am fully aware that she is a not so secret badass at heart. she feels so real, and i love the development you’ve done with her and how you’ve expertly woven her into frank and joe’s lives and stories and it just brings new life and new levels and new angles to everything. plus, you’re literally one of the best people to talk to and write with like you’re such a freaking sweetheart idek how to deal with it.

@scarredesmeralda --- alright so we haven’t written yet and we’ve only been following one another for a little bit but already i know i’m gonna love you. because not only do you have a great fucking oc who you’ve managed to adapt to so many different verses ( which is no easy feat, i know ) but you are just like the nicest person ever. you’re like a mama lion protecting her cubs and i love that you’re so bold about what you believe in, i love talking to you, i cannot wait to write with you and explore different verses and muse chemistry and just see how things go. i give you all of the applause because you deserve it.

@sterxid --- ok but will i ever flail enough about how much i adore you and your blog? probably not. but we’re gonna keep trying until you get sick of hearing it. the first time i fell in love with your blog, i fell in love with one of your promos and honestly it was so gorgeous and simplistic and i just had to follow you because i needed more of that kind of quality on my dash. and you did not disappoint. not even for one second. every edit you make has this raw, simplistic, but gorgeous quality that is so aesthetically appealing and it’s all backed by this fantastically developed and written character. i swear lik everything about your blog is so downright gorgeous that i don’t even know how to properly express how much i love it except to flail over you constantly. so that’s what i’m gonna do.

@wulfking --- the god damn love of my life. i’ve told you a lot about how incredible alex is but now i’m just gonna tell you again bc you definitely don’t hear it enough: alex is incredible. you have put so much thought not only into the character you’re writing but into the world around him, his species, his family, his background, his mannerisms that he could ( and should ) be a real canon character somewhere. only i feel like even that would do him a disservice because he is so beyond the constraints of any canon anywhere. you write alex with a kind of adoration and love and skill that i could never hope to have and that a lot of us i think could never really hope to have. you’re just a natural born creative mind and a talented writer and you inspire me on the daily.

#rpc positivity week

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lordsicheng · 6 years

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Summertime Madness: Pt. 4

Park Woojin x OC

genre: fluff, angst

summary: what happens when a young, bad boy freshman falls in love with a coldhearted senior? will fate run its course? or will it send both of them into an emotional roller coaster ride that makes them realize the true meaning of love, honesty, and trust?

A/n: icb this is gonna be five parts because. yes

Woojin clasped his hands together and rested them on the table while waiting for your arrival inside a cafe, one foot tapping impatiently as he looked around to see any sign of you. He scratched the side of his head lightly while checking his phone, waiting for your text. You didn’t really bother on replying him, honestly, and just arrived near where he was waiting.

You only took a deep breath and started walking to the café he texted you about, not wanting to go inside either. Once you got there, you looked by the glass window at the entrance and saw him tap his fingers on the table whilst his phone was on the other hand. Shaking your head, you decided to just go inside after a few minutes since you felt bad for making him wait a while. His face lit up the moment he saw you and immediately stood up and waved, you only able to give a cynical smile as you walked over to the table where he was, sitting right across him

“Sorry, I didn’t really know this café or anything so I got lost quite a bit.” you sighed

“You should have texted me, then.” he chuckled and shook his head

“I appreciate that. Anyways, why did you want to see me?” you crossed your arms

“I just wanted to spend time with you. Alone.” he smiled, making you look at him perplexed

“Alone?” you asked, voice sounding confused as ever

“See, I thought of something while on the way home a few days ago from the beach. Give me a chance. Three days is all I need to show you I can be the man for you. And if I win, I get your heart. If I lose, then I’ll let you go.” he smirked, sounding cocky as you realized he actually really was serious

“Woojin, what do you really want?” you looked at him with irritation written all over your face

“Your heart.” he chuckled again

“Woojin.” you scrunched your face

“Fine, I just want to show you that I can change for you. Like I said, I like you a lot. And I don’t lose.” he crossed his arms and looked away

“But what if you lose?” you raised your brows, lips forming a small smirk

“Then forget everything happened that night.” he said firmly, slowly turning his head to look at you

“First of all, Woojin, I am a senior. If people found out, especially my friends, that I went out with a junior, they’re probably not gonna handle it well.” you rubbed your temple with one of your hands, slightly shaking your head

“I can show that you can depend on me, then. Like I said, I only need three days. Once it’s over and you don’t ever feel anything for me, then we can forget this ever happened.” he offered, slowly reaching out his hand. You only looked at his hand and to his eyes, him giving you a small smile before you darted to his hand again and slowly grabbed it

“Deal.”

You had to accept the offer since you just wanted to get Woojin off of your tail. You even wondered why he would fall for a cold and often irritable person like you. You only met him a few days ago and he acts as if he has known you for years. This kind of put you off, but you didn’t really have a choice.

You just stood outside a convenience store and drank a carton of banana milk, waiting for Woojin to get out. You thought, why did he bring you there in the first place? You just wanted to go for a walk with him, for the least, just to satisfy him from his want of dating you, which you knew would never happen.

“Hey, sorry I took so long. Here.” he handed over a pack of croissants, confusing you

“What’s this for?” you said as you grabbed the pack

“Let’s hang out and walk while we eat. It’s still pretty early to even see food carts here, so this can suffice for the while until we get to the park. Will it?” he shrugged, you suddenly chuckling and shaking your head

“Woojin, I can buy food for myself. But thanks.” you sighed and walked away to the direction of the park, confusing him as he followed you and slightly ran to your side

“So, what’s your idea of a perfect date?” he asked, putting his hands in his pockets and looking around the block

“Mhmm…” you mumbled as you sipped a bit of your drink before continuing

“I guess, for the most part, I like dates at home. I’m pretty much a homebuddy.” you shrugged

“But what about outside dates?” he looked at you

“Eh, doesn’t really matter. I let the other person choose.” you shrugged again, confusing him even more

“Well, we can just sit by the riverside for today? I didn’t really prepare much…” he pouted, looking down to his feet as you both walked slowly

“You didn’t really have to prepare. Like I said, I’m only giving you three days.” you rolled your eyes, turning your head to him as he looked a bit nervous

“How many times have you dated in the past?” you asked as you turned your head to the other side and looked away

“Does that include the number of times I dated two people at the same time or…” he mumbled, making you scrunch your face and chuckle

“I guess.” you shrugged

“Three times.” he admitted, looking at you

“Out of the three times that you’ve dated, have you ever fallen in love with any of them?” you smirked

“Is this a truth or dare kind of game?” he chuckled, making you look at him with a smile

“Just answer the question.” you grinned

“I can’t say yet.” he sighed

“Why not?” you furrowed your brows

“Because I don’t want to.” he put out his tongue out and walked away, you only able to stand and look at him from behind

“He’s weird.” you mumbled while drinking your beverage and slowly followed him an

You both got to a small park after a few minutes, sitting on a bench by the playground. He just kept looking at you the whole time and it often made you feel awkward, so to stop this you decided on a plan on what to do for the rest of the ‘date’

“Okay, I thought of something.” you said as you turned to look at him, he only raising a brow with a mischievous smirk

“Let’s make this day as a ‘getting to know each other’ stage. Every question you ask me, I’ll answer, unless they’re too personal. I’ll do the same to you so we can be even.” you smiled and crossed your arms, his curiosity in sparks

“Fine. When do we start?” he chuckled

“Now. You go first.” you grinned

“Hm, alright. Most rebellious thing you’ve ever done?” he nodded

“Not so rebellious, but probably once I snuck out at night and came back home at 3am.” you shook your head

“My turn. How come you’re drinking at a prohibited age?” you tilted your head

“Nothing personal. It started when I hung out with Daniel last year, and everything went off. I became that resident bad boy.” he laughed, making you raise your brow

“Bad boy?” you asked

“Am I not bad enough for you, then?” he rolled his eyes

“You’re probably bad because of something that happened in the past.” you said in a stern voice, earning a half hearted chuckle from him and making him look to the other side

“Ask me another question.” you said and smiled

“Do you still love Jaehwan?” he turned and looked at you again

“I can’t answer that.” you furrowed your brows

“Why not?” he crossed his arms

“Because I don’t want to.” you rolled your eyes, earning a chuckle from him and becoming silent

“Do you wanna go get something to eat nearby?” he grinned

“Okay.” you nodded as you both stood up and left

The rest of the day just went on with you and Woojin throwing each other questions, whether it be about each other or even the most random ones. You got to know Woojin a little bit more, and you thought he wasn’t that bad of a person. But you knew that it would probably not be possible for you to like him the way he does for you, because you promised on focusing on yourself first. Before you knew it, you day was to end. He walked you all the way to your front porch, you turning to look at him before you opened the front door

“Thanks. And, I kind of had a good time.” you smiled

“Guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” he shrugged

“See you.” you nodded and turned to open the door and went inside, Woojin leaving once you opened the door, not able to hide his smile as he left

You somehow couldn’t stop smiling, from getting to know Woojin until he dropped you off home. You laid on your bed and checked your phone after it vibrated, Woojin texting you that he had a great time. You suddenly giggled and covered your mouth in case your parents would hear, replying you had a great time too.

“I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.” he texted after your reply, you not able to reply and falling asleep

“Wait, how do you aim for the middle?” you scrunched your face as you looked at the dart board

“Focus on nowhere else but the middle. That easy.” he chuckled, giving you a few darts

“Obviously. But, is there some sort of a trick?” you looked at him confusedly

“Here.” he grabbed your hand and held it with a dart, helping you focus on getting to the middle. You suddenly felt weird as he held your hand, trying to shrug it off as he was trying to only help you out

“Got it?” he looked at you, realizing he was trying to explain to you but you didn’t listen

“Y-yeah, got it.” you nodded and just turned and looked at the dart board, throwing the dart and not being able to aim for the middle

“Did you even listen to me?” Woojin crossed his arms, and you just shrugged

“Here.” he swiftly threw the dart and was able to get to the middle, making you roll your eyes in jealousy

“Let’s just go do something else.” you walked away, Woojin sighing and chuckling to himself as he followed you and walked out of the arcade

“What do you want to do?” Woojin called out as he ran his way to your side, you eyeing a certain ride from afar. Woojin looked at what you were looking at and slowly shook his head

“No… No way! No… y/n….” he mumbled

“Can’t keep up?” you chuckled as you ran towards the ride, Woojin clicking his tongue and shaking his head as he slowly followed you again

You ran and immediately bought two tickets for the bungee jump ride, Woojin’s heart racing as he saw how high up it would go. You turned and grinned, making him smile back sarcastically before turning away and widening his eyes in fear. Once they opened the gates for the ride, you grabbed Woojin by the arm and immediately getting seats for both of you. As the attendants helped you out with your safety belts, Woojin kept shaking and looking down, making you laugh while looking at him

“And I thought you were fearless for a bad boy?” you raised a brow

“I’m not scared.” he took a deep breath

“Hmm?” you smirked as if you didn’t hear him the first time

“I’m not scared!” he snapped, making you laugh even more

“We’ll see.” you rolled your eyes

Once the ride brought everyone up slowly, you felt your heart rise up in excitement while Woojin just closed his eyes, screaming once he saw he was already so high up

“The ride hasn’t even gotten to its point yet!” you yelled

“I don’t care! Let me down!” he yelled back

The ride suddenly dropped everyone down, making you all scream and Woojin grab your hand. You laughed so hard that you even forgot you were in a ride so scary because of this and just looked at him wail. Once the ride was over, you smiled at your satisfaction of getting on one of your favorite rides, Woojin’s face looking as if his soul had left his body. You grabbed his hand out of the ride and walked out of the area for other people’s turn, still laughing at Woojin’s expression

After a while, Woojin saw a few couples ride bikes around the area, looking at you with a smile

“Want to ride a bike?” he grinned

He paid for the bike ride and sat in front, you sitting behind him as he started to cycle around the area, passing through the amusement park to the gardens. He tried scaring you by driving side to side, earning a slap on the back that kind of startled him

“Stop it!” you laughed, and he just laughed back as he drove the bike around the park, feeling the cooling breeze flow through your hair and definitely loving that feeling

The rest of the day was just you and him hanging out at the park and going around trying to look for fun things to do, and you both decided to go to this beautiful restaurant at a rooftop within the Hongdae area, where you both just stared up to the stars and the night view of the city

“Again, I had fun.” you smiled, looking at the view

“Me too.” he admitted

Almost half of the time was just silence, both of you just looking at numerous views around the area and often stealing glances of each other, Woojin smiling the moment he saw your eyes sparkle while looking at the sky

“Hey, remember when you asked me if I have ever fallen in love?” he said as he looked at the city

“Yeah?” you looked at him in curiosity

“I haven’t.” he admitted, sighing as he looked down. You smiled and looked down as well, nodding

“Remember when you asked me if I still loved Jaehwan?” you puffed your cheeks, his attention diverting to you as he looked at you once more

“I don’t know if I still do, honestly.” you confessed, feeling the cold air creep up, Woojin only able to nod and look at you as you knew tomorrow was going to be the day you have to decide on whether Woojin was worth your heart

You sat on the sofa and tapped your foot on the floor, all alone at home since your parents went out that night. You wanted to sleep, but there were a lot of things in your mind and you wanted to clear up everything because you knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep properly if you kept thinking of many things. You heard the doorbell ring and looked at the front door, wondering why would anyone come to your doorstep at 10pm. You stood up and opened the door, only to get shocked the moment you saw the person who decided to pay you a visit

“What are you doing here?” you raised a brow and crossed your arms, voice obviously hinting irritation. He only looked at you with serious eyes as you whiffed the scent of alcohol from him

“What do you want?” you snapped

“You.” he sighed, letting himself inside and closing the door behind him as he slowly moved closer to you

“I never asked you to get inside, please leave.” you looked at him with a serious expression, suddenly having the urge to push him

He grabbed your face and immediately kissed you, your eyes enlarging as you weren’t expecting him to be so forceful. You tried to push him away but he suddenly felt too strong, slowly pushing you to the wall as he kept kissing you impatiently, your muffling scream being stopped by his lips. You gave your all and pushed him once more and he stopped, you slapping him hard across the face and him only able to look to the side

“You’re disgusting.” you whispered faintly, eyes becoming watery as he slowly turned to look at you

“Don’t you love me anymore?” he chuckled slowly, making you appalled by his behavior

“Jaehwan, leave.” you grunted

“You still love me.” he smirked, obviously very drunk

“Leave!” you shouted, making him shake his head, still chuckling as he slowly walked out of your home

You just stood there as you saw him leave, slowly crouching down as you put your hands on your face, disgusted by his behavior and feeling like it was all your fault he acted this way. You felt so messed up, but felt so bad at the same time for ever making him this way. He was different; fun, lively, always happy. But that night, he looked like a mess.

And you definitely knew that it was because of you.

#wanna one #wannaone #park woojin #woojin #kim jaehwan #jaehwan #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagines #wanna one reactions #wanna one drabbles #park woojin scenarios #park woojin imagines

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mxnark · 4 years

Text

the best version of yourself

december 31, 2019

mina isn’t the type to feel ashamed of herself. everyone around her new that she was confident and outspoken. whatever she thought of inside her head, there would be a 59% chance she’d say it with a 41% chance she’d keep it to herself just because she had some manners. of course, she had some class by making a bunch of rant posts on her spam rather than on her main instagram or main twitter. some of her thoughts on real life would go on her stan twitter, but she’s tried her best to keep that mainly kpop and movies. but, to be honest, she wouldn’t have made a spam had it not been for her mutuals and her friends in real life.

this time, however, she felt emotions that she was afraid to tell anyone else.

she usually watched the gayos on her own, since she was the only one in the house who had an interest in them because her favorite idols were on that show. however, the one she always kept an eye on was mbc’s gayo daejejun because of the amazing stages that the idols would perform. not to mention, it was the gayo with the countdown to the new year. however, this time, she debated if she even wanted to watch it considering that this was the same exact one that she made a video audition for, only to not get in.

when she saw the post on mbc’s page, she was disappointed, but not surprised. it was bold of her to assume she would ever get the chance compared to the other dancers. when she watched the other entries, she was already beginning to feel insecure. but seeing the announcement only supported her negative feelings. however, one name catches her eye and it’s the main reason why she watches the music show tonight.

chungha isn’t the only reason why she’s watching this, but she’s the one mina looks forward to seeing the most. it’s weird how almost two years ago, mina became a fan from watching her on the fourth season of the mgas. now, she was watching her as not only a fan, but a friend. it’s only a glow up she can talk about on her spam, but she’s able to use her excitement for her tweets while streaming.

she makes sure to tweet about her favorite idols and their performances before the awaited dance performance comes. when it begins, she quickly takes out her phone as she patiently waits for her friend to be shown on her screen. she manages to record the 30 seconds of chungha’s dance on her instagram story while whisper-screaming throughout all of it. “ahh!!! kim chungha is so cool!!!! she’s the coolest unnie ever!!!” and a bunch of “wow!”’s and “so cool!”’s. for the group performance, she kept all her excitement on her twitter with a few pictures saved for her spam later on.

it’s odd. before watching this, she thought she was going to feel an overwhelming amount of jealousy just by seeing chungha for a second. but after the performance ended, she couldn’t help but feel inspired. perhaps it was because of the fact that this wasn’t the first time she’s seen chungha on national television, but mina didn’t feel too upset like she thought she would. what a relief.

she posts the pictures on her spamsta (spam + finsta) once the countdown for the new year is finished and captions it with her thoughts. after she posted it, she locked her phone, turned off her tv, and went upstairs to go to bed, excited for what was to come in the future.

notokmina: do you see her??/ that’s the coolest bitch in the world !!!! ever !!!!!

watching her tonight gave me so much motivation tbh. i remember i used to be so… starstruck by her when i first saw her on mga4 and now i know her in real life and we’re friends !!!! i’m so glad she got to audition for this and perform onstage in front of a bunch of idols. she’s so cool!!!!

i’m gonna work hard with future covers so that i can hopefully be dancing on that same stage!!!!!!!!! it’d be cooler if it was w her!!!! but yeah. hopefully if i work hard enough, i can be on the stage like her (and my cousin and brother if theyre reading this who knows)

she leaves a comment under her post.

notokmina: unnie, if ur reading this, hi!!! very proud of u uwu

…

january 2nd, 2020

having been on stan twitter since she moved back to korea, she’s gotten to explore the many sides of the website. though she’s primarily a kpop fan account, she also keeps tabs on film twitter. it’s to the point where she even has mutuals who are apart of that community and she frequently talks to them about her favorite movies (recently, it’s been about it 2 because she loves her best boys richie and eddie). so of course, when she asked for movie recommendations on her account, she hoped that said mutuals would see it and give their insight.

though there were many suggestions, she chose lady bird by the end of it. she knew about the movie years ago, but she never really got around to watching it until now. she’s read mixed reviews, so she was never really able to form a solid opinion on this movie. she told herself not to expect much, since this was a coming-of-age film. but, by the end of it, she found herself in tears. she goes on twitter and writes up a tweet as a response to the movie.

michi @noplayboy_mp3: film oomfs is it weird to say that i kin w lady bird lol michi @noplayboy_mp3: no but the film is so good i dont want to drop any spoilers but lady bird is like… so relatable? esp bc im kind of in her situation now. michi @noplayboy_mp3: icb greta gerwig said “michi has rights”... perhaps i will watch little women when i get the chance

before she’s about to make a tweet about watching midsommar next, she hears her phone vibrate. putting her laptop to the side, she picks up her phone and sees an email from snu.

dear mina,

the admissions committee at seoul national university has re-reviewed all aspects of your application in its holistic review process, and you have an updated admissions decision. you may now view your updated admissions decision in your portal.

she gasps.

as she clicks on the link to her portal and logs in, she was immediately welcomed by the site with a big “CONGRATULATIONS!” and if that wasn’t already obvious enough for her, she looks around to find the little “status: accepted” on her page. she sighs in relief and puts her phone to the side as she lies on her bed. she’s not necessarily excited that she got into a school. even now, she was still questioning if she wanted to go to school to begin with. all she knew was that at this point, she was going somewhere. whether or not this is what she really wanted to do, she at least has an idea of where she’s starting.

maybe now her mom would stop badgering her. maybe now she can show her that she could do things without her.

…

“i got accepted into snu today.”

it’s used to start discussion, even though she didn’t really want to talk about it with her. it had to come out somehow because even if she was nervous with how she was going to reply, at least her mom would be aware of it.

her father was the first to say something about it and mina wants to verbally thank him for speaking before her mom does. “honey, congratulations! i knew you would be able to get into that school.”

“thank you,” mina says with a small smile before she looks over at her mom to see what she will respond with because it was obvious she had something to say about it.

“why did it take so long for a response?” she asks. “you applied for early decision, didn’t you?”

it takes a lot for mina to not say something snarky in response. she’s not going to do that now. not so soon. “well, competition’s pretty tough. a lot of kids are applying for snu. especially in my class.” she wasn’t exactly lying, but it was a better response than “i was waitlisted for a month.” and even if she responded with that, at least she got into the school. wasn’t that enough?

her mom lets out a small “hm” before eating more of their dinner. “well, good job on getting into that school. with how long the response took, i was starting to worry.”

mina frowns. “i got into other schools, you know.”

“but did you want to get into any of those other schools?” when mina’s silent for a response, her mother only continues. “you said that you were aiming for snu and it took long enough in order to get a response.”

“can’t you just be happy over the fact that i actually got into the school?” mina asks, feeling her voice rise. “i thought you would be proud of me. is it that much of a surprise that i got in?”

“all of your friends got accepted into their schools quicker.” mina feels her grip tighten on the chopsticks in her hands. “all i’m saying is you should’ve at least tried harder or at least recognize that you should’ve done better.”

mina finds it hard to calm down after hearing that. it’s not like she didn’t expect a response like that, but to actually hear it from her makes her laugh bitterly. it’s sad to say she’s not surprised because this was what their relationship is at this point. even if she told herself that she just wanted to get into school in order to get her mom off her back, her words only make it seem like she was mocking her even if she reached at least the minimum. it made mina wish her mother lowered her expectations or at least make her own higher.

she eats her food in a hurry, hoping to get out of this dinner as soon as possible. of course, her mother has an issue with it as she glared at her from across the table. “slow down. you look like an animal eating like that.”

mina ignores her and she manages to empty her bowl, still trying to bite and swallow the leftover food in her mouth. she quickly stands up from her chair, puts her bowl and utensils in the sink, and runs upstairs, swallowing the last bit of her food down. she closes her door behind her even if she knows her mother was going to go up to her room anyways. when she hears the door open, she rolls her eyes before she turns to her mom.

“can you knock?” the impatient tone was one she’s used frequently enough. whether or not she was proud of it, she kept that information to herself.

her mother’s not afraid of it, though. in fact, if anything, she’s probably a professional at dealing with it. “you’re one to talk about manners,” she scolds. “what is with you?! at least try to stay for the entire dinner and not make it seem like you don’t like my company.”

“why would i do that?” mina scoffs. “you’d yell at me for faking it, anyway.”

her mom sighs. “why are you so selfish? why do you keep on doing this? do you understand how uncomfortable your father feels whenever we fight? how uncomfortable i feel?!”

“i’m sorry for being upset over you not being a good mom,” she responds, crossing her arms as if to do the bare minimum of making fun of the woman in front of her who would do the same in their past arguments. “i got into a good school and all you can say is ‘i’m surprised they didn’t reject you straight up’? no ‘congratulations’ or ‘i’m happy you got into the school you wanted to get into’? shouldn’t you at least be glad over the fact that i’m going-”

“how am i going to explain to the family that it took a few months for my daughter to tell me she got into snu after a few months since she applied?” her mom interrupts her, angering mina even more. “it didn’t take long for jaebeom to get his letter of acceptance. it didn’t take daniel long for him to know if he got in. do you know what they’ll say when i tell them you got accepted after countless times of me saying ‘oh i don’t know yet’, ‘she hasn’t received anything yet’? they’ll think i’m raising-”

“what? an idiot?” mina laughs. “yeah. i’m sure everyone in the family’s already aware of the fact that i’m never going to be a lawyer living in america. at least i got into a school.”

her mother then points at mina and she has to hold the urge to not swat the hand away from her face. “look at you! you’re already making yourself sound bad by acting like it’s a miracle they accepted you in the first place!” she criticizes. “you’re supposed to go to school. you’re supposed to get a degree in order to get a good job somewhere. after all your father and i’ve done for you and your brothers, why are you the only one who treats this like it’s not a big deal?!”

“i am treating this like it’s a big deal!” mina asserts. “do you know how many nights i spent studying for tests that i knew i was going to fail? all the times i had to stay after school in order to make sure it wouldn’t affect my chances?! i worked so hard in the last few months to be accepted and i’m the only one in this room proud of myself for it! it’s like you’re actively trying to find reasons to be disappointed in me, even when i do something good!”

“maybe you should be trying to not constantly disappoint me, then.” her mother turns her back to her daughter and makes way for the door, but mina mutters something else that makes her stop in her steps.

“the one time i do something that i thought could impress you and you’re still disappointed in me.”

her mother doesn’t respond. all she does is stand for a moment before she leaves, not even bothering to close the door behind her.

#wc: 2451 LMAO #(( might be less if u dont count the tweets #(( i never proofread so if u see any mistakes pls excuse them LMAO #tagging people bc they're mentioned #rkchungha #danielxrk #tldr: mina gets into snu but she also has mommy issues!#i also didnt have to include her watching the gayos but last solo talked about how mbc gave her an answer and snu didn't so??#also bc mina's a chungha stan before she is chungha's friend #( * solo )

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fmdxkit-blog · 6 years

Text

setting: august 2006 to present day. warnings: death. word count: 3321 (// icb).

white with hints of grey and purple was all kit saw in his reflection. not too long ago—124 days, to be exact (but who was really counting?), he saw peaches, browns, flecks of pink, amber, blue, yellow. so many colors; he took them for granted, believing they were eternal. now, flooded in the lifeless hue of white (which wasn’t even a bonafide color, as his friend told him), kit felt dead. there was no life around him. the plants sat on the window sill were fake, devoid of mother nature’s gift (or curse).

he pulled a maroon beanie over his head, adding a splash of color to the canvas shade of his skin. the striking contrast brought the magentas out on his cheeks, but kit still looked as sickly as ever. bracing a knit cardigan around his slim, fragile body—his teacher gifted him (out of pity, no less), kit waddled towards the open door of his private hospital room. he asked a nurse to keep it open because he was so tired of hearing nothing but the voices tick away in his head, gnawing, scratching. kit would go mad if the silence persisted.

he stalked the corridor, rolling the IV pole next to him. it was the wilson to his—whatever tom hanks’ name was in that movie he was stranded on an island and his only friend for seven years was a bloodied volleyball. the IV pole was his only friend at the hospital.

kit strolled to where the other children with cancer usually gathered as the nurses tried to serenade them by singing kumbaya, as if that made the cancer nonexistent. he scoffed upon entering the room, immediately regretting the idea of having some sort of human interaction that day. before he could vanish back into the white surroundings, he caught a nurse’s periphery, and she waved him to join. he scanned the room. it was less dead than the rest of the ward. colourful, connected mats shielded the floor as toys laid scattered about: blocks, rag dolls, toy trucks, action figures. the whole shebang. the children were in a circle, surrounding a nurse with a ukulele.

begrudgingly, kit entered the playroom but lingered behind everyone else. he didn’t like drawing too much attention, nor was he in the mood to be singing songs, pretending he wasn’t confined out of his will because of an ailment 21st doctors still couldn’t solve. at eleven, he was already so much of a cynic. most eleven year olds were waiting for hogwarts letters (as if). he was losing his childhood day by day at an alarming rate.

“hey, i’ve never seen you around here.” soft but distinct. the voice crawled into kit’s personal bubble but he turned his head but saw no one. he then glanced down, blinking at a girl in a wheelchair.

“me too,” kit contested, eyeing the stranger. she wore the drab hospital gown and cliched beanie over her head too. it wouldn’t take a brain genius to realize she was a cancer patient just like him. “leukemia?”

“leukemia.” the girl nodded, lips twisted to a subtle pucker. “i’m elena, by the way. nice seeing someone else my age here.”

“kit.”

“kit? like kit-kat but without the kat? is your sister named kat?” elena giggled, tossing jokes as if they were funny. well, they were but kit wasn’t easily humored when his mood was at an all-time low.

“i don’t have a sister. i have a brother and his name is henry,” he answered diplomatically.

“you do know your parents named you after chocolate bars, right?”

kit scowled, annoyed by the wisecracks. “who asked you? why are you even talking to me? we’re not friends.”

elena fiddled with the hem of her blue hospital the gown. “how else do we make friends if we don’t talk, kit-kat?”

“first of all, i don’t want any friends.” kit resented anything or anyone who even vaguely reminded him he had cancer and was practically perched on death’s doormat. befriending a fellow patient was a definite no. “second of all, don’t call me that.” irritated, kit clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth and vacated the room. he was done with the crappy music and interrogation—none of which he signed up for, nor appreciated.

“hey, wait!” elena called behind him.

kit tossed her a glare over his shoulders, grimacing as her frail arms spun the large wheels of the wheelchair. “why are you following me? don’t follow me.” when he reached his room, he planned to slam the door in her face but a tire prevented him from doing so.

“i’m sorry i called you kit-kat. i won’t call you that again. i’ve been here for months and i haven’t spoken to anyone my age. i’m tired of listening to toddlers rave about dora the explorer. and frankly, i can’t look at them because i feel so bad. babies shouldn’t have to go through this,” elena emphasized gravelly, voice on the verge of breaking after an emotional and sincere speech.

kit was taken back by the burst of honesty and also by how much he related to her words. they struck a chord, so he opened the door.

“no one deserves to go through this,” he corrected passionately yet grimly, his jaw clenched so tight as his adam’s apple bobbed.

elena mustered a small, relieved smile. “let’s start again.” courteously, she extended a hand. “i’m elena. nice meeting you!”

kit stared at the pink palm, contemplating on accepting the offer of friendship. he had plenty of friends outside of the hospital but no one on the inside. he was so exhausted of pitied looks, maybe having someone on the same boat wouldn’t be a constant remainder of his situation but a person to relate to. to talk to. to understand him and his fears.

he shook elena’s hand, watching her smile overwhelm her freckled face. kit was stunned by the radiance; he was almost persuaded to mirror the expression but slickly caught himself and dropped the handshake a fraction later.

“and i’m kit. nice meeting you too.”

—

propped up by a number of heavy duty pillows, kit stared lifelessly at the television screen. old reruns of sitcoms from before he was born played: a group of elderly women spewing comedic jokes, a nanny with a nasally accent provided laughter, and a prince from bel-air but kit doesn’t bat an eyelash. his expression is forlorn, eyes an empty abyss of dull, mousy brown.

there was a knock on his door but he forewent a reply, wanting to have some alone time. then there was another until the knocking was constant, ringing in his ears. he snapped his head at the door as soon as it opened without a verbal permission of sorts.

“get out,” he hissed, voice eerily too deep for a boy of eleven.

elena stepped in, no longer bound to a clunky wheelchair. she padded to his bed, ignoring his wishes. “i heard you screaming earlier-“

the pink, swollen skin around kit’s eyes tightened, his jaw clenching as venom laced his words. “i was not screaming.”

“crying, then.” elena sat herself on the edge of the bed, hands folded on her thighs as she studied his appearance. there was no pity. just curiosity. “you’re not going home anytime soon, huh?”

kit glanced away, hard expression set on the cracks through the blinds. he saw nothing but pretend to be invested in anything else but the truth. the silence answered her questions and elena nodded knowingly.

“i’m glad you’re here.”

“excuse me?” kit grimaced, half disgusted by her confession and half confused. he returned his glare onto her and she refused to meet it, sight set on the floor.

“i’m glad you’re here. we can keep each other company. if you stay at home, who will be there for you? your parents have work and henry has sch-“<\small>

“your logic makes no sense,” he scowled. how could anyone wish for him to stay in some place he detested with every cell of his existence.

“you’ll get better, kit,” elena said wisely, as if she was certain his fate was guaranteed or written in the morning paper she fancied reading. “i know it. i can feel it. just hold on a little longer. the hospital isn’t so bad. the food, though.” in synchronization, they glanced at the tray of food settled on a bedside table. “that can be better.”

it didn’t know whether to groan or laugh but the most natural of chuckles spilled from his lips when he allowed himself the pleasure of loosening up. he was never so high-strung but the ambience of the hospital changed him. chemotherapy and radiation left him wilted, draining his last bits of energy until he was a blackhole, destructive to only himself. a rose, who was once brilliant red, now decaying with no color to its merit.

“finally,” elena grinned, her freckled cheeks pushing her eyes into merry crescents. “a smile. you look better when you smile.”

“you’ve been reading too many romance novels. you need to lay off.” flushed cheeks and heat prickling the tips of his ears, kit cleared his throat to act unaffected. aloof, even.

“what can i say, they take me away.” shutting her eyes, the sunlight peering through the gaps in the blinds settled on her face. the brown, orange, tan specks on her complexion luminescent, matching the radiance of her fiery, orange hair.

kit felt a strange, foreign beat in his chest. he clasped a hand over his heart, worried of yet another side affect of his treatment: he was exhausted of the migraines, the nausea, the vomiting. all he wanted was peace. but the sensation was different. it didn’t feel bad. in fact, it felt oddly calming while encouraging all at once.

he gulped, flickering his gaze anywhere but not on the trigger of the new anomaly.

—

“woah!” elena gaped in awe at the music video kit showed her on the computer once it came to an inevitable and bitter finish. her eyes were glazed, starry and astonished.

“what did i tell you?” kit stood proudly, hands perched on his hips. “cool, right?”

“very cool,” chuckled elena, scenes of the video zipping through her head in rewind. “i can see you doing that.”

bashfully, kit ran his hands over his beanie, adjusting the elastic hem around his pinkish ears. “you think? i don’t know. i can’t really sing, dance or rap.”

“but you can learn!” elena positively quipped, nothing short of belief etched on her façade. “some people are born great and some are taught greatness.”

“did you get that from a book…” kit laughed, resting his weight on the foot of elena’s bed as he pulled the laptop closer, typing in something else into the search engine.

“nope! i thought of it all on my own.”

“três cheesy,” kit pursed his lips, tossing her a teasing glance, eyebrow arched and disappearing under his favorite maroon beanie.

“oh, you like my cheesy butt!” elena giggled, unknowingly hitting the nail squarely on the head.

if kit wasn’t used to the cheeky lingo, the smile on his face would have faltered and the truth would have been revealed. he couldn’t have that. he watched many shows and learned feelings between good friends ultimately ruined the friendship. no, he would do no such thing.

—

“elena!” kit shouted as soon as he raced into elena’s hospital room. she laid in her bed, head in the clouds per usual. knowing her like the back of his hand (better, even), kit could tell she was restlessly daydreaming by the foggy disposition in her hazel eyes.

“hey, kit,” she greeted less enthusiastically, tired from treatment. warmth still graced her features, pursing her lips to a sincere smile. “you came just in time.”

no longer bound to the four walls of the hospital, kit would drop by weekly to pay elena a visit. he never missed a date; he was always on time. never tardy.

“i have great news to tell you!” the grin on kit’s face was so broad, so spectacular that it threatened the sun’s intensity and power. happiness was alive and well, setting fireworks in every nook and cranny of his body. “i’m cancer free!”

elena couldn’t hide the joy on her face. the tears welled up in her eyes, clouding her vision. her sobs were incoherent but kit understood every word.

“i’m so happy for you! i knew you could do it! didn’t i tell you you’ll get better?”

kit found a box of tissues stowed away in elena’s hospital bag. he ripped open the seal and plucked a few sheets for her to dry her damp face. the sincerity of her reaction touched kit immensely. he felt like bursting into tears too but refrained from doing so.

“yeah, you did.” he grabbed her hand, squeezing her fingers. “and you’ll get better too. and when you do, we’ll go to korea and you can cheer me on at my audition!”

elena grinned flawlessly, flooding kit with an emotion he didn’t know existed prior. “i’ll be your first and biggest fan!”

—

“are you sure we won’t get in trouble for this?” the squeaky wheel of the wheelchair and the pads of kit’s steps are the only sounds they hear in the midst of their privy conversation.

“certain,” kit fibbed. a little while lie never hurt anyone. partially, it was honest. she wouldn’t get in trouble; but he would.

he pushed the rooftop door open with his back, wheeling elena out delicately. the wind blew through them. that winter night was courteous. not too cold. kit’s winter coat around elena kept her cozy.

“wow,” elena marvelled, eyes everywhere on the starry sky. the white, silver specks glistened. “the view is better up here.”

“beats that crappy room you’re in,” kit retorted, rolling her close enough to the edge to see the roads and the few cars driving down them, speeding wistfully into the darkness.

“it’s not crappy,” defended elena. she loved that room of hers. practically, it was home. she spent more time there than anywhere else. kit hated that.

“nothing beats the outside.” he extended his arms, gesturing at what the world outside a pokey hospital had to offer. “the fresh air. the stars.” kit inhaled deeply, soaking in the chilly breeze before coughing, throat and mouth torrid.

elena shifted her gaze from the twinkling canvas to him, lips forming the fondest of smiles. “you never liked the hospital.”

“why would i?” kit let his arms fall, swinging them by his side. “it’s shit.”

“saved your life, though.”

“and took away many others.”

shaking her head in defeat, elena knew there was no reasoning with kit. he was too stubborn. an argument wasn’t worth it.

“thank you bringing me here. it’s beautiful.” elena craned her neck, admiring the natural wonders of the universe before being enclosed away again.

kit nodded, admiration clear in his crystal eyes. “anything for you.”

—

kit tucked the phone between his ear and shoulder, mindlessly waiting for the rings to cease and a familiar voice to pick up. the only voice kit wanted to hear after a gruelling day of exam reviews. he spun a basketball in his hand, pacing the empty space in front of his bed to pass the time. he was growing progressively restless, hating to stand idle with nothing to do but breathe and exist. he was tired of that mundane lifestyle.

“hey, kit-kat,” echoed elena’s groggy voice.

“hey, were you sleeping? i’m sorry i woke you.” looking at the time on his digital alarm clock, kit mentally shot himself for calling right after her chemotherapy treatment. he should have been more aware of how fatigued elena would be. “i can call back if-“

elena’s heartwarming giggles stopped him, as well as paused his pulse for the most fleeting of moments. time stood still and kit could almost see her, despite the roads between them. he envisioned her lying in her bed, facing the sun that poured through her window (she never liked having her curtains shut). the golden yellow rays dancing across her peaceful face; freckles intricate and hazel eyes shining.

“no, i’m good,” she said but yawned at the end. “so, how was your official last day of school before exams?”

“hated it,” kit sang, tossing the basketball up into the air, then caught it for a repeat. “but once i finish my exam tomorrow, i’ll come visit!”

the first year of high school took a toll on kit’s routine vsitations. club activities prevented him from seeing elena on the usual day—friday, so he went whenever available. the dates were scattered and dwindled into monthly subscriptions. kit hated it. he was going to korea soon and despite planning for elena to come along, the universe had other things in mind for her. ill-fated things.

“i’ll ask for extra jello for you,” elena added, knowing how much kit loved the snack since their lunch-dates in the past.

kit snorted, dropping his weight and bouncing on his mattress, discarding the basketball to properly hold his phone with a secure grip. “i have something in mind for my audition. i want you to hear it before anyone else.”

“ooo!” elena squealed, energy returning to her voice. she’s grown to sound so calm but it was obvious it wasn’t intentional. she was tired. “i can’t wait for this VIP showing of your audition. i feel so lucky!”

“you are lucky,” kit confirmed, foolishly smiling from ear to ear as he thought, i’m luckier. he never told elena how he felt but he had an inkling she knew and returned them. for now, that was enough for him. he could wait for her. she had more important matters to prioritize: getting better, beating cancer. not a walk in the park but kit was there and would always be there for her, supporting her, cheering her on. the day she would be cancer free would be the happiest day of his life, greatly surpassing the day he found out he was miraculously healed.

the time caught his peripheral and kit knew his mum would be calling him down to dinner soon—too soon. “hey, elena, i gotta go-“

“tell your mum, dad and henry i said hi, okay?”

there was never dread in elena’s voice. only kindness and understanding. she matured wonderfully. well beyond her years.

“i will. i’ll see you tomorrow. goodnight,” kit said quietly, hope wedged between each word, glueing the sentence together.

when all were fast asleep, dreaming lucidly of endless possibilities, kit received a text. the notification fell on deaf ears for kit was lost in the slumber. he saw elena and approached her but she only receded, waving sorrowfully.

kit woke up. tears stained his face. then he checked his phone.

thank you, kit.

he learned later that morning elena passed away. she went in her sleep. peacefully. without turbulence. no pain. no struggle. she went easily. almost willingly too.

years later, kit continued to ache. some days were agonizing; he heard her laughter in the backstage dressing rooms of music programs, in the audience at a variety appearance, during daytime strolls, in conversations he heard when passed, in his mind when he laid awake in the middle of the night; everywhere except… the club, the bar, anywhere extreme: the top of a building, the edge of a bridge, in conversations with strangers. in those instances, those mere lapses in time, kit forgot, burying the pain under disguises of temporary adrenaline and joy.

but when he did reminisce, the pain and loss was fresh, as if elena left him yesterday and not seven years ago. whoever said time heals all wounds was a liar. a fraud. time had done nothing to his wounds. they festered. they still bled.

kit bled.

every day.

for the love who left him.

#&&. self-para.#&&. development.#// this is honestly so long idk what happened #// i was going separate it into two parts but that’d ruin the flow :\#// if you can make it till the end i love ya a lotto #// < 3

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dearmysan · 5 years

Text

Wooyoung’s Notes.

Here’s only the smallest collection of all the things I have noted along our journey so far. Enjoy reading them, I’m sure there was some I have missed out on, but there definitely will be more to add along the way! ↷ San often gets shy when it comes to me. He says it’s because what he’s had with me was unlike anything he’s had with anyone before. I get what he means by that, as I also can’t help but to feel shy when I’m around him. What we have is really different and special to me. ↷ He’s into Overwatch as much as I am, probably even more! Recently he has found out how much of a god he was at Hanzo. He says his favorite player is Jjonak and he often goes to a lot of games. I hope to go with him one day. ↷ We played Overwatch together with a few of his close friends. I had a lot of fun! But there was one time where we met, I kind of panicked and killed him. It made him sad but not as sad as I was. It’s okay though because in return, he shot me right in the head. hM. ↷ I asked San if I could kiss him, and he said he wouldn’t ever push me away, He probably doesn’t know this but he is the most precious person to me, hence it took me awhile. I did it though, I kissed him and he kissed me back, now I’m afraid I may have an addiction. ↷ I always tell San how much I like him, so instead, I tried something different and I told him I loved him. He told me he loved me and though our intellectual sides were screaming, it’s really a day I don’t think I’d ever forget. ↷ I was busy one week, and in the end, I couldn’t spend as much time as I wanted to with him. I really miss him. ↷ IF SAN’S DIMPLES AREN’T THE CUTEST SHIT EVER WTFF. And can I just say, nice, nice jawline. What a pretty neck he has too. He’s just pretty in general, we may have a problem, I love him too much. ↷ Warning! San has found ways to tease me and make me jealous in return. Maybe I should cool down my teasing, maybe he’ll have some mercy on me. ↷ He had a dream about Yunho and Hongjoong, I sure hope that we meet in our dreams instead. But then again, he called me his dream come true and that just made me the softest shit ever. ↷ After our first time, I was surprised to learn about one of his risky kinks, I’m definitely putting it on my list of things to try with him though, how exciting! ↷ He’s so cute when he’s drunk. He literally sent me a whole spam of gifs that were all like, “I love you” & “I miss you.” It was the most precious thing ever. ↷ Since I first met San, there hasn’t been a day without spams of himself. I love seeing his cute face everywhere so I never mind though. It really reminds me that I need to get my lazy ass off to give him a spam as well. ↷ He’s so competitive and I can tell he get’s sad when people stop playing games with him. I hope everyone continues to play games with him even if he is always victorious! ↷ I took him on our first date. We had pizza and a ton of beer, we even played 20 questions and though we’re not currently done, I hope to continue soon as I still have many things to learn about him. ↷ We’re going on our first Vacation together, just me and him, alone. We’re travelling to the Maldive Islands. Though I’m sure it’d be beautiful, I don’t think it’d beat his beauty. ↷ San’s so honest. He’s probably the most down to earth person that I’d ever come across. He’s too sweet for his own good. I’ll protect him, no matter what it takes! I hope the greatest people come his way, always. A good person deserves good things, I hope only the best things come his way from now on. ↷ San gets easily stressed when things aren’t organized. Sadly, I hate how I can’t do much, I can only be here for him at the end of the day when he is done. San should take his medications with him always though, I want him to be safe and I want him to always feel content. He’s a really strong person and I admire him for that. ↷ He really has endless love for the people around him. ↷ He says he’s not a fighter, yet when it came to me, he couldn’t let go. I still find that so cute. ↷ San asked me to be officially his, he even blushed and boom, there went my heart again. The answer was too obvious though, of course I’d say yes. ↷ Our vacation was short lived, but extremely fun! We had a nice dinner and he even threw himself into the water. I hope we get to go again, this time, I’d like to take him somewhere nice. Also, we forgot Shiber, poor baby. ↷ So like, San asked me if it’d be alright for him to temporary cc to a girl. He’s so goofy, of course I’d be more than alright with that. Whoever he may be in the world, he’ll always be my one and only. As long as it’s him and no one else, I’d be absolutely content. ↷ I had one of my firsts rabbit sessions with San a week or two ago. I don’t remember how far back it was because at this point, we’ve had so much sessions! We watch scary videos, scary mazes and even disney things! I felt like I was there right beside him. It made me so happy to see him so excited over the things he likes. ↷ So, San put on a scary game play in the middle of the night when I was preparing to go to sleep. I couldn’t do it...and I left. I’m still sorry about it. Also, he couldn’t exit out of the video after I left and we started talking about how we’re cursed. ICB. ↷ Noted. San loves heavy metal. He’s also calls himself a nerd because he loves Star Wars and Lord of The Rings. So precious, I want to share his love for all the things he likes so, it’s definitely on my list to do so. ↷ Perhaps, does San love Winnie The Pooh more than me? I’m shaking. ↷ I’m shaking again because my little boy is growing so fast. Don’t tell me he’s going to get taller and taller and taller. ↷ We finally got a place to ourselves! It’s on the outskirt of town and it’s quite a beautiful little home. We still need to incorporate a lot of Mickey Mouse decorations in our home though, we specifically talked about the kitchen! I hope to get to that soon. ↷ I’ve been desperate to get tall so, I did it, I am currently Yunho. I think San likes it though. Now he can curl up in my chest all he’d like! May I also add that I am a fan of my blue hair. ↷ I’m starting to think he doesn’t realize how beautiful of a person he is. I’m dyiiiiiiing. ↷ Okay so, he had a dream about Han and I got mad. Then he had a dream about Han again but this time I was there to pull him away. He said it made him laugh, and it honestly made me super happy yet embarrassed! ↷ It’s his birthday today! I’m celebrating it with him for the first time. I couldn’t prepare much but I hope he enjoys his time today anyways. He deserves so much. Also, I shall add that we also reached our first month together as companions! ↷ Though my baby is a daredevil, he isn’t good with drop rides. I definitely have to protect him when it comes to those! ↷ San brought home a kitty! We decided to keep the baby and call the kitty Simba, our very own baby! ↷ Over the time span that we’ve been together, San has gone from Soojin to Solar to Yeeun and back to himself multiple times. I have even more fond memories of these people now. May I also say that he was beautiful every single time. ↷ So like, we went to the mall together. I bought a few suits and San/Yeeun wore the prettiest skirt. What happened after that was quite exciting. We even had a session in the car afterwards. I hope we have many more opportunity to share those exciting and rebellious times together, ↷ I finally got to watch San play some horror games. It honestly wasn’t as scary as I initially thought it was going to be so I’m quite glad. Not going to lie though, I closed my eyes a few time and sat pretty far from the screen. He’s so brave compared to me. ↷ We finished Pokemon XY & Z. I still remember when we first started. Man have I grown so attached to all the characters. I am real excited to fall in love all over again with the new cast of the Sun & Moon series we are watching. My baby even got us a netflix to try out so we could finish Lord of The Rings as well, especially after rabbit died off and made me real sad. ↷ A car trip came to mind with San. It sounds absolutely perfect and I can’t wait to set out on that adventure. It’s like we share the same idea of many dates and I find it absolutely adorable. I have somewhere I want to take him. ↷ San had started talking about Jeno ever since that Boom comeback. Something about an attractive undercut and headband. I’m kind of real jealous but it’s okay, I’m learning how to live with it. Pft. ↷ We played so much dating doors, it’s so fun to see how our choices differ and how they are yet so similar. I really didn’t want to play the NCT because of you know who but it’s alright, I had a great time anyways. ↷ My baby called me dramatic...a lot of things started making sense after that. I am indeed a over dramatic person. ↷ San has started work again. I really hope he learns how to take better care of himself. I don’t like seeing him in pain. Before when we were just friends, I know he had a lot of stress and it brought upon chest pains. Now San’s back is often sore as well. I just hope my baby is okay after an exhausting day. I believe that he’ll always do his very best. I just hope he doesn’t push himself to hard. ↷ I have started school. Not going to lie, I’m very upset about the fact that my time with him has been cut off shorter, like I’m super upset. I hope he knows how important he is to me and I hope to keep him by my side, always. ↷ I miss him, all the time. ↷ San is really my source of strength. He keeps me motivated and really pushes me to make good decisions. He says he doesn’t know how to offer words of encouragement but little does he understand that just his mere presence is enough to keep my spirits up. ↷ We betrayed each other in a game and I was really sad. Reminded me of that old overwatch days where we killed each other. I never want to go against him again, it’ll break my poor baby’s heart and my own. ↷ San seemed to really enjoy his Loki self. I got Nick Wilde, oh yeah! ↷ I believe we are exchanging gifts this year and I’m real excited for it. I’ll work hard so I can buy him meaningful gifts. ↷ There’s something I want to do, but I’ll keep it to myself until we have time.

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parkwoojin · 7 years

Text

QUESTIONS TAG

thank you to my loves @minhwangs and @king-jaehwan for tagging me!! sorry i took so long to get to it also; i’ll put it under a read more!

THE LAST

drink: water (that’s rlly all i ever drink my parents dont ever let me buy soda/teas/juice)

phone call: my younger cousin (i called him to come outside bc we were going out to eat)

text message: to my group message w/ my two best friends!

song you listened to: wanna one’s energetic! im constantly streaming it on youtube tbh

time you cried: don’t make fun of me but it really was when woojin was picked for wanna one..... my heart really soared yall!! id been a fan of woojin since ep. 1 and he really stole my heart bc he worked so hard and is just so talented and lovely and i was just so proud and thankful that he got in that i cried ;;;;;

HAVE YOU EVER

dated someone twice: nope!

kissed someone and regretted it: nope

been cheated on: no

lost someone special: yes

been depressed: yes

gotten drunk and thrown up: never, ive actually never had a drink LOL

3 FAVORITE COLORS

pastel blue

pastel pink

pastel yellow (can u tell i like pastels)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

made new friends: yes

fallen out of love: no

laughed until you cried: i’ve never had this experience b4 i hope i do one day

found out someone was talking about you: no

met someone who changed you: yes

found out who your friends are: yes

kissed someone on your Facebook list: yes

GENERAL

how many Facebook friends do you know in real life: about 95% of them

do you have any pets: no ;; but i consider my bf’s cat my cat if that counts hdjsfklj

do you want to change your name: no, i rlly like my name!

what did you do for your last birthday: nothing special, it was a really busy week for all of my friends due to senior activities and my family was out of town; so i just had a simple lunch with my bf!

what time did you wake up: 8AM for church

what were you doing at midnight last night: going on twitter and screaming over woojin fanaccs from all of the fan signings

name something you can’t wait for: my wanna one album and donghyun slogan set to come in the mail!

when was the last time you saw your mom: like 15 min ago

what are you listening to right now: still energetic i literally have a playlist up

have you ever talked to a person named tom: i dont think so...

something that is getting on your nerves: my college orientation times they’re rlly ridiculous its 10 days and each day spans 12 hrs like this is not rlly necessary sigh

most visited website: tumblr and youtube

hair color: black, but my tips are brown bc they lightened due to chlorine LOOOL..... a free and natural ombre look i suppose

long or short hair: rlly long omg it reaches to the middle of my butt LOL

do you have a crush on someone: my bf!

what do you like about yourself: i think i’m funny sometimes! my prime humor time is in real life, 10:00 PM -12:00 AM catch me on my late night show

blood type: i actually have no idea and neither does my mom.... ive tried to donate blood to find out but i was under the weight limit by just a few pounds

nickname: k, kaikai, han (my viet name)

relationship status: taken for 3 yrs hehehe

zodiac: pisces; rabbit/cat for chinese/vietnamese respectively

pronouns: she/her

favourite tv show: running man probably! i dont watch much tv

tattoos: none, but i want one someday!

right or left handed: right handed

surgery: i had it done on my eye once to remove smth from it - it was a sad yet funny experience; after i came out of the anesthesia they gave me icecream but i couldnt taste the icecream bc of the anesthesia.....

sport: i used to do swimming, soccer, and track at my local park when i was younger but now i do none of the above hdJFL

vacation: my last vacation was to universal studios in florida! harry potter world is amazing

pair of shoes: my fave pair of shoes are my superstars!

MORE GENERAL

eating: just finished eating some cantaloupe

drinking: again, water

I’m about to: go to bed

waiting for: my woojin key strap! i love buying merch online i have a problem

want: to roadtrip around america (which will probably not happen anytime soon) ;;

get married: yes but not too soon, i guess once i’m at the stage where i’m ready for commitment

career: psychologist (looking at going into research)

WHICH IS BETTER

hugs or kisses: hugs

lips or eyes: eyes for sure!

shorter or taller: taller

older or younger: older

nice arms or nice stomach: arms

hook up or relationship: relationship

troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER

kissed a stranger: no

drank hard liquor: no

lost glasses/contact lenses: i aLWAYS LOSE ONLY ONE CONTACT...

turned someone down: yes

sex on the first date: no

broken someone’s heart: no

had your heart broken: yes it was mad awkward bc he swung for the other team

been arrested: nope

cried when someone died: yes

fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

yourself: yeah! i think i’m doing alright

miracles: yes, i like things like little miracles

love at first sight: no

santa clause: no

kiss on the first date: for sure, if you’re feeling it you do you!

angels: yes!

OTHER

eye color: dark brown

favourite movie: its probably mulan!

i think everyone’s done this already so i wont tag anyone specific but if you haven’t done it pls do and tag me in it!!

#personal #tag game #this has been sitting in my drafts for so long hjDSLFK

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beardyallen · 5 years

Text

Day 3 - An extensive recap

First, I want to extend my apologies to those who have been patiently awaiting this post. I had every intention of writing this yesterday, which got away from me (as you’ll see if you keep reading), and then I had every intention of writing this in the morning, which disappeared (again, as you’ll see if you keep reading). It’s now 5:38pm on Wednesday, February 20th as I’m typing this sentence, and I’m once again exhausted from a long day.

[Edit 2: TL;DR for the following TL;DR -- A bunch of cool stuff happened, including books, dragons, lions, motorcycles, KFC, banks, SIM cards, a Starbucks, public transit, and traveling to two opposite ends of Beijing in a single day. Also my trip went from horribly lonely and daunting to pretty freaking cool and slightly less daunting in less than 24 hours. Done typing this at 8:55pm]

Edit: It’s legit 8:37pm when I’m making this edit, only a bit after posting the original. I wanted to add a tl;dr for those not interesting in reading all of this shit. Basically, I made 4 friends in Beijing, none of them from the same country, only one of them is white, only one is male, and only one is from the US. All three of these descriptions describe CB, my supervisor. His wife, RB, is Indian and works with children orphaned due to birth defects. There’s ML, a half-Brazilian, half-Japanese Communications instructor at ICB, and her friend R, who is herself a former Chinese physician turned public health professional/liaison/something-or-other that seems far more impressive and is exactly what she wants to be. All of them are really cool, interesting people that I’m very glad I had the opportunity to meet. In no particular order, I went to several bookstores, a Starbucks, a KFC early in the morning, the supermarket (twice) and got beer (both times) for ridiculously low prices, experienced the Lantern Festival (still not entirely sure what this is, but there were dragons and lions and motorcycles doing crazy synchronized stunts in a metal globe) at an amusement park, rode 5-6 different subway trains and a city bus, ate 10+ new foods, bought a book (because of course I did) which has both the original English and the translate Chinese characters on each page, tried to open a bank account, then got a SIM card, then actually opened a bank account, finally unpacked my luggage, and spent 3 hours typing this blog post. Also the long flight and trip from the airport to my new apartment were mostly uneventful. See? Even this was super long!]

The last you all heard from me here was as I was sitting in a bar in the Vancouver Airport, Sunday morning. Which was sort of 2 days ago, but sort of 3. Time zones are funky, especially when you cross the International Date Line. *shrug*

After I finished writing that post, I lumbered over to my gate and waited to board with the other couple hundred passengers. At one point, I noticed an older woman (probably in her 60′s or 70′s?) trucking along on one of those things that I can only manage to call a human-conveyor-belt that you see in airports. I mention this as she, had she been on carpeted flooring, she would have been making good time; as it so happens, she was on the conveyor belt that was going opposite of her destination. She was still making progress, but every so slowly, and seemed maddeningly oblivious to the fact that the floor was fighting her at every step. Fortunately, she made it to the other end without incident, although the same cannot be said for when she attempted to enter the next belt; a concerned employee using that particular belt in the intended fashion beckoned that she stop and try the other. So she stopped walking. And didn’t do anything, even when her feet made it back to where she had started. Naturally, she took a pretty solid tumble, lessened only by the shocked, and rightfully flustered, employee, who managed to help her to her feet as half of the onlookers gawked.

The actual flight, all 9 hours of it, went off rather uneventfully. Especially compared to the above story. It was nice having the longer flight second, as completing the first gave me an unearned sense of accomplishment; I’m nervous for my return as I’ll have actually achieved something when I get back to Vancouver, only to have to sit back down for three more hours. Seems less enticing, especially as I won’t be going back to an apartment that I’m renting. Oh well: that’s a problem for Future-Me, as are most things. I will say that the food on the flight was quite satisfying, and the complementary wine was much tastier than expected! And I managed to read a good chunk of Dan Brown’s Origin.

After landing in the Beijing airport, I managed to get through customs without too much trouble and had my first several experiences of what I’ll just refer to here as stranger-staring. #sarcasticwoo

I was met near baggage claim by an undergraduate at the University who chose to call himself Paul. I would later find out that, although it is common practice for Chinese residents to give themselves “American” or “Western” names, they don’t seem to share those names with their fellow residents.

Needless to say, I was exhausted and just wanted to eat something and lie down without dealing with anymore people. To his credit, Paul was an excellent host, his English was quite good, and he helped me to my apartment without incident. I think he was expecting to escort me to dinner at one of the nearby dining halls on campus (Princess Building), but I (hopefully graciously) conveyed that I would really rather just go to bed. After he left, I took a stroll on campus to the Princess Building to check it out for myself, and then stopped at a nearby convenience store to grab some snacks. GUYS! THEY HAVE CUCUMBER-FLAVORED LAYS POTATO CHIPS!!! And so many other flavors that are mind-boggling, and somehow simultaneously vague and specific.

Once I was back in my apartment, I chowed down on some fruit bread, drank some water, had a moment of near paralyzing fear/anxiety/regret/shame/etc., scolded myself for being (I think understandably) pathetic, and then went to sleep. By that point, I had been up for nearly 23 hours, and it was somehow already 7pm on Monday, Feb. 18. I slept until 6am the next morning.

That morning, I got in touch with CB, my supervisor, who was more than happy to meet with me around 11am. So I spent the morning figuring out how to be an adult person in Beijing. Several standard things took place that were daunting only because I’m in Beijing: showering, brushing my teeth, grabbing some toilet paper to carry with me, deciding how much cash to keep in my wallet, etc. I also came to the disturbing realization that there are precisely three outlets, each with one port. One of them was occupied by the television, one by the mini-fridge, and one was free to charge my tablet; it was then that I decided to try to go shopping and track down a power strip.

Day 2: Merry Mart

First, I want to say one quick thing: the exchange rate from RMB (also called yuan) to USD is approximately 0.15:1. So, as an example, I spotted a can of beer for 5.90 yuan, or roughly $0.90. For those of you who know me, you may understand why this was my first example.

Now, the supermarket that I was heading towards is located on the other side of the north gate of the CAU (China Agricultural University, which houses ICB, or the International College of Beijing, where I’m living and instructing), and my apartment is in the very southeast corner of campus, about a 10 minute walk away. And it’s not even 8am yet. I mention this as, when I approached the supermarket, or rather the building housing the supermarket and a dozen or so other shops, I noticed a KFC right next door. Now, I shouldn’t have been shocked to see the advertisements were for food that you would never find at a KFC in the States, but I was. What I feel completely justified in being shocked at was that the KFC was already quite busy. Naturally, I stepped inside and saw that a “Chicken Burger” with a glass of milk (and maybe a side?) was going for 12 yuan, or $1.80. So cheap!!

I stepped out without buying anything and continued into the supermarket. Oh, the wonders I beheld. I’ll try to keep it short, but I’ll point out that I’ve never paid so much attention in the produce and meat sections of a supermarket as I did yesterday. Once I made it past these sections, I experienced an onslaught of packing that looked both familiar and foreign (yes, I realized how stupid that sounds as I typed it). As I was on a bit of a mission (for hand soap and a couple power strips), I contained my curiosity as best I could. But I did take a peak at all of the flavors of Lays Chips in the snack section...

Fortunately, I managed to find a power strip! They had Philips power strips going for 70 yuan (~$10.50) and some from a company I’ve never heard of for 30/40 yuan. Naturally, I grabbed on of the cheaper variety. It seems I didn’t bring enough cash the first time. I moved on, failing to find anything that I could guarantee was hand soap, but let me tell you: after being around people who I could not understand, guessing at products based on the images along, and recognizing that I’m waaaaay in over my head, I have never been so happy to see a can of Budweiser in my life!

Now, I can’t be certain, but I’m pretty sure a 3-pack 16-oz or 500 mL or whatever-their-volume cans came out to 9 yuan, or $1.35. What a deal! (Fast forward to this morning, and I stumbled an even better find: 500 mL cans of Guiness with nitrous rockets for 15 yuan ($2.25) a pop! In the States, those usually run $16 for four!)

After spotting way more milk (a recent trend, apparently) than I’ve ever seen, ultra-pasteurized so it can sit on an uncooled shelf for months at a time, heaps and heaps of “sanitary tissue” and slew of snacks that boggled my poor, unworldly mind, I made my way to the checkout. Fortunately, I stick out so damn much that people just expect that I don’t speak Chinese; the look of mild irritation isn’t grating at all, it just lets me know that I’m not the only one who feels moderately uncomfortable at my residing in Beijing for these next 4 months. The interaction at the stand was pleasant enough, and we mimed our way through the bits that weren’t communicable. Then I headed back home to meet with CB.

Day 2: The Book

So, I’m already feeling wildly unprepared to teaching a senior-level mathematics course, but one of the few things that was keeping me grounded was that the book was to be selected by administrators at ICB/CAU, so that would save me having to make most of the decisions regarding content for my Probability class. Moreover, the university would provide the textbooks to the students. Little did I know, and little did CB know, and little did the person supposedly in charge of retrieving said textbooks from the library, no textbook was on file for this class. #sarcasticwoo

FORTUNATELY (can’t believe how many lucky breaks I’m catching!), there happened to be a textbook titled Probability and Statistics for Engineers and something-or-other. To be honest, my eyes glazed over at “Engineers,” not because they are lesser scientists, because they are most assuredly not, but because they just don’t appreciate the fine nuances of theoretical mathematics. That is to say, they’re lesser scientists. ;) #allinjest #imsuretheyvegotsickerburnsforme So, I guess I’m teaching from an Engineering textbook.

During this brief window of time with CB, I learned how various countries measure the breathability of the air, acquired a facemask, and snagged an air purifier. Things necessary to life in Beijing! I was then invited out to lunch with CB and his wife RB; I was unaware that their would be fourth, ML. Having never met RB, and being unaware that ML existed, I waited for the 20 minutes that CB needed to get a couple things ready before lunch in my room, then headed down to the entrance of the Guest House (where my apartment and office are located, in case I haven’t mentioned it by name yet). Waiting there was a 30-something Asian-descent woman who somehow didn’t look like she was a native Chinese resident. Best guess: RB. She smiles at me and asks if I’m here to have lunch with R, to which I say confirm and ask if that’s her. Turns out it’s ML, and a reference to a particular Disney movie popped into my head. (I bet you’re not thinking of the same one I was, though!) Anyway, it’s 12:30pm at that point, and I wouldn’t spend the next 11 hours with ML, a Communications instructor for ICB who has only been in Beijing since September, barely speaks any Chinese and gets by reading it as she knows Japanese. Turns out she was born in Brazil, though! That certainly explained why her features were not quite Chinese.

CB and RB showed up a few awkward, mostly silent, minutes later as, not anticipating a fourth left me just socially awkward enough to just keep my mouth shut and let my mind wander. RB led the way to a Chinese restaurant around the corner, and we had a ridiculously cheap meal. Everything was delicious, even the rice noodles and cabbage dish! CB asked how open I was to trying things I’ve never had before, and I responded that I’m hear to make the make the most of this opportunity. He followed up with, “So, you’ll try chicken feet?” I’ve never so quickly doubted my convictions before! Fortunately, the food we order was basic enough fare for a Chinese restaurant, so I didn’t have to prove my grit just yet.

Day 2: The Big Adventure

During the meal, ML mentioned that the “lantern festival” was that night, and that she’d be joining a friend of her’s somewhere in Beijing, TBD. CB mentioned off-handedly that there was a 4-story bookstore several kilometers away. My interest was piqued, but having no means of transportation, I kept my mouth shut. ML did not. She expressed serious interest in venturing out to the store, and I asked if it would be in imposition if I joined. After lunch, CB and RB gave us a rough pin location for the building, walked us over to a bus stop, explained to me how to use my transit card (Thanks, CG!!!), and saw us off on our adventure. At this point, it seems relevant to mention that, although I have two cell phones (my usual American one, and a Chinese phone bought secondhand from ES) (THANKS ES!!!), I don’t have internet access or any real means to contact CB or RB. I also don’t access to a map app (see: I don’t have internet access). As it turns out, ML’s access is hindered by the fact that her iPhone is apparently dated enough to not operate at full capacity with a Chinese SIM card. So she has spotty internet. SPOILERS: Her cell phone would die later that evening. #dundundun

The bus ride was uneventful, and we got off where we thought was should. Without the name of the bookstore or any solid evidence to suggest precisely where the bookstore was, ML then confides in me that she has frequently found herself incapable of finding her destination, wandered around for several hours, then given up and went home. My confidence was soaring. But, as they say, “When in Beijing...”

After finding a map of the surrounding area and comparing it to a screenshot of the rough-pin-location of the bookstore in question, I managed to match shapes cut out by walkways and roads and spot where we should be heading. The pin led us to a bookstore. But this bookstore had only one floor, although the building housing it had 20 floors and an elevator that looked out over the surrounding area. Needless to say, we rode the elevator for a moment before deciding to continue exploring. Stepping outside, we tried to reach CB...and we did! He gave us a more accurate pin and the name of the bookstore. Only one of those two things wound up being helpful.

On our way over to the new location (2 more blocks West), we stumbled on a developed “alley” that housed a wide plethora of shops, including....A BOOKSTORE!!! Dudes and Dudettes: let me tell you, this bookstore was amazing!! Check out the pictures below:

So cool! But this wasn’t where the pin was located, only had two floors, and when we scaled the spiral staircase, some 20-something employees started walking towards us and speaking in Mandarin. ML goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t speak any Mandarin, but we think we know what you’re trying to say. Have a nice day!” And we walked out of the store with our tails tucked loosely between our legs.

I was I could accurately convey all of the things I saw that struck me as fascinating while we explored this area of Beijing, but honestly there was just too much, and I can’t imagine you all are still reading this carefully, given that I’m not exactly giving the “Reader’s Digest” version of events. Or so you may think. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m doing my best to keep this short while still conveying how crazy this day was. And we’re only a couple hours into my afternoon/evening with ML. I applaud any and all who keep reading attentively. I’ll try to make it entertaining.

I will say that in this alley, I got stared down by a police officer. Mildly intimidating and recalled to mind the other intimidating visual to grace me. Just after checking out at the supermarket that morning, while I was packing the couple of items I had purchased into my backpack, I looked up and saw, for the first time in my life, 4 full sets of riot gear. Helmet, vest, nightstick (or whatever it’s called), and some sort of gun in a padded case. Sure, I know that I’ve been around those things before in my life, but never were they in plain view, seemingly on display.

After a few more minutes, a few more crossed streets, and pulling ML out of the way of a car that didn’t seem to care that she was there, we made our way to the pin’s location. And none of the stores around us bore the name of the 4-story bookstore. But we did find another bookstore.........and it turned out to be the right one! Crazy!! Of course, this was after trying out what we guessed was a calligraphy shop that seemed to primarily sell books? The words on the door were somewhat misleading. Anyway, let me tell you: in spite of being in a bookstore filled with words that I can’t understand, I still felt so calm and secure being surrounded by all of those books!

At this point, ML and I seemed to have figured out each other’s senses of humor and made frequent jokes and shared stores as we roamed the shelves, looking desperately for books written in English. After searching all four floors, some twice, we find a section with no markings nearby that happened to have some books in English. After looking over all of the classics (pretty much all they had), discussing the ones we’ve read, conversing about those we haven’t, we each picked one out to buy. I’ve seen Aldous Huxley’s A Brave New World referenced too many times in crossword puzzles and trivia questions to not have developed an absurd curiousity for this book I’ve never read. So naturally I bought it. It seems like a rather nice-looking copy, no artwork to speak of, but elegant in a somewhat formal-Chinese kind of way. It came to 26 yuan, or about $3.90. HOW AM I BUYING A BOOK FOR THAT CHEAP?! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?! *sigh* Well, I seem to be getting by without my Kindle fine enough for now...(THANKS AGAIN RS FOR SHIPPING IT TO ME!!! I’ll let you know as soon as it arrives!)

Day 2: The Lantern Festival

At this point, ML had heard from her friend who I will just call R (have yet to become privy to her family name), and we were given the name of the place we were headed towards: Happy Park. By now, it was around 4:15pm, and we needed to somehow figure out where Happy Park was, how to get there, and manage to not get lost in the process by 6:30pm. So we went for tea. The place we stopped in was what seemed to be a solid attempt at a German tea/coffee shop-slash-bakery. And I got a cup of English Breakfast Tea for 22 yuan ($3.30). Not the best deal, but I learned an invaluable lesson: just take a picture of what you want to order! So simple, so elegant, so effective!!! I was also by this time learning that most people make purchases using the main “social media” app, WeChat. In fact, many shops and restaurants don’t carry any cash as WeChat is just a more effective means of payment. You can link a debit card to your account and you’re good to go! (More on this in Day 3).

<I’ve been writing for almost 2 hours! Yikes!!!> <I wonder if I can get a book deal out of this...>

Without really knowing where to find a subway station, ML and I headed back to where the bus dropped us off, thinking at the very least we could head back to campus and the subway station there. (Also, for those of you who don’t know: I’ve never ridden a subway. Sure, I use RTD rails almost daily in Denver, but somehow this just seemed different. Especially given how many lines there are and that we didn’t actually know where we were going...) We found a bus heading back towards campus, hopped on, and almost immediately spotted a subway station. The bus didn’t drop us off for 2-3 more blocks...

After meandering back to the subway station, we found a map and lo-and-behold there was a stop dedicated to whatever Happy Park is. And it’s on the complete opposite side of town. #unethusedyay #adventuretime We plotted our course and hopped on the train without incident if you don’t count the pile of vomit that I would almost certainly have stepped in had ML not avoided it just before me! *phew* The subway itself was on par, if not nicer, than the trains in Denver, if only a bit louder. Confined spaces and all that. By the time we made our three transfers and got to the other side of Beijing, the sun had set, it was 6:20pm, and we had made it just in time! R met us at the station minutes after.

When we turned to see where we were headed, I was floored. Right in front of us with giant glowing words spelling out (in two languages) “Happy Park” was an amusement park that rivals some Disney parks in it’s show-y-ness. As it was dark, I can’t say precisely how big it was, but I was impressed. Tickets for entry were 145 yuan (roughly $20), which I fortunately had brought along that morning, not realizing precisely how crazy the day would get.

Once inside, R informed us that there’d be a show starting in a few minutes. We tried to find a spot, but the girls had trouble seeing over the heads of the people ahead of us. In fact, I had to stand on my tiptoes as most of the people in front of me were holding up their children, phones, and self-sticks. There was a small mound that almost certainly was not intended for foot-traffic, but nonetheless had a solid 75 people standing on 6-foot-tall trees. When we joined the crowd up there, hoping for a better vantage point, we were disappoint. That is, until ML decided to climb a tree. And I joined her. Naturally. I don’t have pictures of the entire show, sadly. I was too busy being floored and hoping that my one leg that was supporting my weight would hold up! I’m also not including them here as I have to format the videos. But stay tuned in the near future for videos!!

After the show, we wandered around the park for several more hours. I was quite impressed. And the food we got was quite delicious!! Small, fried potatos balls, and donut-hole sized balls loosely-based on a Japanese dish that I couldn’t possibly spell correctly, topped with dried fish. YUM! Check out the pictures of some of the attractions we saw:

This was the interior of an Aquariam-themed section of the park. It was a welcome respite near the end of the night, given that it felt like it was nearing 10F outside.

A Mayan temple, with a restaurant inside and, probably, a water-slide ride built into it? Hard to say. If only our phones hadn’t died and we weren’t so cold by the time we made it to the Athenian/Spartan-inspired section of the park! So many cool statues and buildings!

A still shot as 5 motorcyclists entered the arena after some drum-dancers! Stay tuned for videos of them riding inside the wire ball on the right! [Edit 3: the videos will likely get posted as gifs. Quality will probs be not great. One of them will involve the motorcyclists doing loop-stunts, and the other will involve a dragon-dance with dope fireworks. I didn’t get any video of the lion-dancers from earlier in the show, but take my word for it: it was dope as fuck. So much so that I don’t feel bad about dropping an f-bomb in this edit. I can’t possibly find the words after 3.5 hours of writing to convey just how cool this show was!]

Honestly, I’m not entirely sure what this is, but it looked cool!

This was a small bridge, reminiscent of the bridges in Europe where people write their initials on padlocks and toss the keys into the river below. From what we could tell (thanks to R’s understanding of her native tongue), the pieces all talk about the love between family, friends or significant others.

After the Aquarium-themed building got us toasty warm, and it was ticking closer and closer to 10pm, we bee-lined it out of the park and back to to the subway station. Another three transfers, some more conversation, and we were back on campus. While on the trains, either to or from Happy Park, I don’t remember which, ML commented on how quiet I had been earlier that day while waiting for CB and RB before lunch. Given how quiet I was at lunch, she was understandably worried that the pattern would continue. If you know me, you know it just takes a bit for me to get comfortable and figure out how to talk to you. Needless to say, I told too many stories with a surplus of details in each of the bookstores, on each of the trains, and all of the time in between. I’m thinking ML is going to be a pretty solid friend these next couple of months, if I she doesn’t get sick of my stories first!

As I alluded to above, it was around 11pm before we were back in the Guest House. I was ridiculously pooped but not entirely unimpressed at how not-jet-lagged I was! I passed out soon thereafter and woke up for the third and final time around 7am.

Day 3: Merry Mart II, the Second Part

Alas, morning came; and with it came a surplus of energy to spent getting my life together in Beijing. I still hadn’t unpacked my luggage, there were too many things my apartment was still missing, and I didn’t have a reliable means of feeding myself as I had been warned (and witnessed) that many places just simply don’t carry cash. And naturally don’t accept American credit cards.

So I packed a small bag and headed out again. I stopped by Starbucks, attempted to order a Black Tea Latte from the girl who said “Morning” to me, and made the false assumption that this particular colloquialism implied English-fluency. I wound up with a regular Latte. Still good, though! After that, I made my way to the KFC near the Merry Mart only to find that this establishment is one described above. My cash wouldn’t do me much good there. *shrug*

In the Merry Mart, I grabbed several more bread-based food items, a microwavable meal in a bowl, another power strip, some gum, and more chips. Pringles. American flavors. Two cans of Guiness, and two bottles of hand soap. This time, I kept track of the price of each individual item so I knew how much cash to have ready at the register. This time went far more smoothly, and I filled my entire backpack with items that ran up to 134 yuan (~$20). HOW?! HOW AM I GETTING SO MUCH FOR SO LITTLE I LOVE THIS!!!

Day 3: Getting my shit together

After that, my mind was set on opening a bank account to connect to my WeChat account. I reached out to CB, who graciously offered his assistance for a small amount of time. Ideally, this wouldn’t take too long. After all, he has plenty of work to be getting on with!

Well, the first bank we tried didn’t work because I’m not staying in town for more than 2 years. The second bank was more accepting. He translated exceptionally while I filled out documents written completely in Chinese. I was having an internal panic attack as I did something that felt incredibly wrong or anything. No, not at all. It’s totally okay to sign your name on documents that you can’t read. Yup, totally okay...

As it turns out, the bank would need to send me verification texts, so I gave them my phone number. But my American phone number wouldn’t work for them (they didn’t even try!), so after 30 minutes of waiting and 10 minutes of paperwork, CB and I headed down the street to get a SIM card and a cellular plan. Oh boy. All told, I think I waited for another hour there while CB got some work done; the paperwork and discussions took another 20-30 minutes. Once I had my phone situated, CB assured me that I could handle the rest of the bank stuff on my own as the staff would certainly recognize me and remember what I wanted. Plus, most of the paperwork was already filled out, right? Right? *sigh

The staff at the bank were less than enthused to find that CB hadn’t joined me. This was gonna be a blast, let me tell ya...

All told, I filled out twice as much paperwork as the staff scrambled to find a way to communicate with the moronic American who didn’t have the slightest idea what was going on around him. Of course, filling out this paperwork and determining exactly what they wanted and whether or not I wrote down the right things (i.e. understood exactly what information they were after) included 5-8 different sessions with several different employees, each with somewhere between 10-70 min wait-times. On the plus side, I’m almost done with Dan Brown’s Origin. Not his best work, but certainly entertaining enough to pass the time in a bank surrounded by people who probably would rather I not exist. To be clear, I don’t begrudge them at all; their service was impeccable, and their patience was never-ending, and the entire thing was significantly less annoying than it had any right to be, given the language barrier.

I left their establishment many hours later with a debit card, Chinese bank account, and the means to buy stuff wherever I wanted to go. And a significant amount of confidence that I can get through the next four months quite contentedly. Granted, I didn’t do nearly as much to earn this confidence as the staff at my new bank did!

After the fiasco at the bank, I went back to the Guest House, unpacked my suitcases, and laid down in bed to type this novella. That was several hours ago.

Convinced that I’ve had a crazy few days?

A coworker from Denver asked me how China has been so far, and I told him that it “[w]ent from shit to fantastic so damn fast.” Hopefully my long, rambling story has here has justified that claim for those of you reading this.

There was only one other day in my life that I can recall feeling as justifiably petrified as I did Monday night. I described the feeling as trying to wake up from a dream only to find that you’re wide awake. I was encouraged earlier today to remember that I don’t have to get through all 4 months of this experience at once; I just need to take it one day at a time. I usually don’t find these adages and idioms to be particularly helpful, but this one seems to be true.

In the future, blog posts probably won’t be nearly as long. Thanks for reading!

Now to finish this beer and book!

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

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