#i. bellamy blake / character study ↠ wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done

[athisagony]

*    maya.    vincent.    lovejoy.    lovejoy’s    son.    the    faces    of    victims    ,    some    deserving    ,    some    undeserving    -    -    -    haunt    him.    some    of    these    people    sacrificed    their    shelter    ,    sacrificed    their    home    ,    their    futures    -    -    -    to    help    him.    to    help    gain    justice    for    his    people.    ones    that    were    wrongly    used    without    consent    ,    so    that    others    effected    by    radiation    could    live.    &    how    did    bellamy    repay    them    for    those    sacrifices    ?    for    their    help    ?    by    poisoning    them    with    radiation.    some    of    his    nightmares    are    intense    ,    but    he    doesn’t    share    his    grief    with    anyone. *    he    does    suffer    from    self    -    loathing    &    his    nightmares    lead    to    insomnia.    some    nights    ,    he’d   rather    not    sleep    ,    he’d    rather    not    think    ,    he’d    rather    not    be    forced    to    endure    the    pain    that    his    decisions    have    imprinted    on    him. *    when    bellamy    meets    gina    ,    he    is    instantly    drawn    to    her    lively    spirit.    he    likes    the    fact    that    she    can    make    him    smile    ,    that    she    believes    in    him    ,    that    she    looks    at    him    as    if    he’s    heroic    by    nature.    she    makes    him    feel    like    less    of    a    monster    the    more    time    he    spends    with    her.    however    ,    bellamy    never    speaks    of    his    struggles    ,    never    confides    in    her    or    shares    what    haunts    him.    he    doesn’t    want    her    to    look    at    him    differently    ,    to    look    at    him    the    way    he    looks    at    himself.

#i. bellamy blake / character study ↠ wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done #i. bellamy blake / headcanons ↠ the weight of the world is getting harder to hold up #ii. verses / season 3 ↠ i've always done what is best for us i need to trust that i'm doing that now

[athisagony]

                     answer    some     questions     &      i'll     give     you     a     character     arc      :       disillusionment arc.

it's    hard    to    imagine    yourself    when    you    were    young.    maybe    you    were    meant    to    be    a    hero;    maybe    you    could    have    been,    in    another    world,    but    this    world    only    made    you    sad.    there    seemed    to    be    TOO    MANY    PROBLEMS    TO    FIX    and    too    much    cruelty    and    too    many    hard    lines    that    you    did    not    know    how    to    soften.    the    world    turns    and    it    is    bloody    and    hard    and    you    sit    on    your    bed,    thinking    about    the    blood    and    the    hardness    and    ALL    YOU    FAILED    TO    DO.    i    know    it    feels    like    you    could    sleep    until    the    end    of    time,    but    i    hope    you    don't.    i    hope    you    lift    yourself    out    of    bed    one    day,    not    to    save    the    world,    but    to    peel    an    orange    and    to    walk    in    a    forest;    TO    FIND    ALL    THE    SOFTNESS    YOU    COULD    NOT    CREATE. tagged by: @bornofwar - thanks, babe ! tagging: @azgedaspy , @puresthearted , @damnbrain , @assassin681 , @headsaves , @ohsleiya , @waldenborn , @skysplita , @theirwar , @vanitys , @shesdaylight , @mortaem & you !

#/ dash games #i. bellamy blake / character study ↠ wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done #my soft boi

[athisagony]

            a     prisoner     of     war.     is     this     his     destiny          ?          a     fate     he     is     always     doomed     to     succumb     to          ?         on     the     ark     ,     on     the     ground.     hell     ,     jaha     was     mere     child’s     play     compared     to     the     enemies     they     face     now.     bellamy     can     feel     his     confidence     beginning     to     slip     with     each     rattle     of     his     chains     ,          ━━           octavia’s     initiative     the     only     minor     inkling     of     hope     he     can     cling     to.             ❛           on     your     feet.           ❜             mindlessly          ━━           he     obeys.     roan          &          his     minions     prepared     to     do     whatever     it     takes     to     survive     ,     to     carelessly     murder     skaikru     in     the     process.             o     will     find     a     way.             o     will     find     a     way.             O     WILL     FIND     A     WAY.             tightened     jaw     releases     ,     enough     to     remind     them     :          ❛           octavia     will     get     there     first.           ❜           they     pause     ,     listening     to     him     ,     possibly     pondering     how     ludicrous     their     plan     is.     he     can     feel     his     confidence     building     the     longer     their     silence     lasts.          ❛           she’ll     warn     them     you’re     coming.     you’ll     lose.           ❜                       dispirited     ,     almost     regretful     eyes     meet     his          &          before     he     has     a     chance     to     process     ,     metal     collides     with     cement          ━━           he     feels     his     confidence     diminish.     daggers          ━━           his     sister’s     daggers.          ❛           no     ,           ❜           he     shakes     his     head     in     denial     ,     silently     pleading     for     refuge     from     the     overwhelming     emotions     swallowing     him     whole.             tears     threaten     to     spill          &          digits     coil     around     the     metal     bars     of     the     cell.     he     looks     away     ,     he     refuses     to     face     them     ,     he     will     not     let     them     see     that     they’ve     succeeded     in     breaking     him     ,     in     shattering     his     very     being.     knees     begin     to     buckle          &          he     sinks     to     the     cement     ,     screams     of     agonizing     denial     ripping     from     arid     lips.     members     of     azgeda     peel     a     broken     man     from     weeping     on     the     dirty     surface     of     the     cement     ,     dragging     him     away     like     a     rag     doll          &          he     complies     ,     he     submits     ,     he     surrenders.             one     promise     made     to     his     mother.             one     code     to     live     by     :     protect     your     sister     ,     bellamy.             &          he     failed.     he     failed     to     save     his     mother     from     being     floated          &          he     wasn’t     there     to     shield     octavia     from     .     .     .     enduring     the     same     fate.             may     we     meet     again     .     .     .             he     isn’t     a     hero.     he’s     a     sham.             there’s     nothing     left.     he     has     nothing.     he     is     nothing.

#i. bellamy blake / character study ↠ wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done #ii. verses / season 4 ↠ we didn't survive this long just to let a little radiation take us out #i. bellamy blake / metas ↠ i'm a goner somebody catch my breath #i. bellamy blake / drabbles ↠ i wanted to be a better brother better son #ii. dynamics / bellamy / octavia ↠ my sister my responsibility #forever weepy #over this #:heartbreak: #/ grief

[athisagony]

what  color   are   you   according  to   my  synesthesia?     white.

this    color    represents    THE    TOUGH    LOVE    PERSONALITY.    the    type    a's    who    need    things    to    be    neat    and    orderly.    they    like    their    environment    to    be    just    so.    they    always    find    a    way    to    motivate    themselves    and    meet    their    goals.    they    tend    to    set    HIGH    STANDARDS    FOR    THEMSELVES    and    others,    this    also    means    they're    hard    on    themselves.    while    they    might    see    the    world    in    a    very    strict    way    𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈    𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃    𝙶𝙸𝚅𝙴    𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼𝚂𝙴𝙻𝚅𝙴𝚂    𝙰𝙽𝚈    𝚂𝙻𝙰𝙲𝙺    𝙴𝙸𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚁.    they    need    to    be    reminded    to    let    go.    sometimes    IT'S    OKAY    TO    PUT    DOWN    THE    TO    DO    LIST    and    be    spontaneous.    the    work    will    be    there    tomorrow,    but    opportunities    to    make    your    loved    ones    laugh    come    and    go.    breathe    in.    now    breathe    out.    everything    will    be    okay. tagged by: @damnbrain - thank you my lil angel ! tagging: @azgedaspy , @puresthearted , @assassin681 , @headsaves , @ohsleiya , @waldenborn , @bornofwar , @skysplita , @theirwar , & you !

#i. bellamy blake / character study ↠ wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done #/ dash games ! #hard on themselves #don't give themselves any slack #that's my boy #yup #EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY BELLAMY

[athisagony]

what   is   your   dark   core  ?    this   makes   you   3.11%   darker   than   the   average   person.

tagged by: @headsaves , @damnbrain , thank you ! tagging: tbh, i think everyone i'm following already got tagged for this ? but if you didn't, steal it from me !!

#dash games ! #73% psychopathy.......... #:eyes: #egotism and self interest tho #the high numbers #got me like #yuuuup that's bellamy #i. bellamy blake / character study ↠ wanted to be a better adversary to the evil I have done