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matan4il · 3 months

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Daily update post:

Another independent Palestinian terrorist attack happened today, it was another stabbing, much like yesterday's, and I feel nauseous that we're at the point where, when I'm looking for an online source in English, I'm struggling to find the latest one out of all the terrorist attacks reported recently. I heard an eyewitness say the terrorist entered a cafe, stood in line, then started stabbing those standing in front of him. The terrorist is a 22 years old Israeli Arab, originally a Gazan. From what I understand, his dad is a Gazan who married an Israeli Arab woman, both men got Israeli citizenship, and the terrorist has lived in Israel for the last 4 years, during which he married an Israeli woman, like his dad. On his mother's side of the family, he has two relatives who are Israeli heroes: one is a soldier, who died not that long ago fighting in Gaza, another is a cop, who saved several people from the Hamas massacre at the Nova music festival. I've heard now 2 Israeli Arab citizens from the community where he lived denouncing him. The terrorist was neutralized. At least 2 people are reported injured, one man in his 60's is lightly wounded, another is in his 50's. One man (in a white shirt with stripes in the vid below) at the cafe saw the terrorist and jumped him with bare hands. Stripes Man kept trying to detain the terrorist until he saw one of the wounded managed to pull out a gun, Stripes Man moved out of the way, the injured one shot more than once and stopped the terrorist, but outside he collapsed, and was hospitalized in a mortal state.

The global rise in antisemitic incidents under the guise of anti-Zionism continues, this time we get insane news from Australia. I'm just gonna quote the report directly: "Two pro-Palestinian activists in Australia were charged on Tuesday with kidnapping and assaulting a victim for the perceived crime of being employed by a Jew."

Meanwhile, the Holocaust memorial at the transit camp of Drancy, through which the Jews of France were deported to their extermination in the east, was vandalized. I'll say it again, the timing is not a coincidence, as we see more and more antisemitic incidents, it's clear each one will get less attention, and less resources allocated to correcting the wrong, since it's all being spread so thin.

I wrote yesterday about a pilot program, which is one of many attempts by Israel to allow humanitarian aid into Gaza without about 60% of it being hijacked by Hamas. I'm sad to say that the pilot has failed, and the aid has been looted. Interestingly, it's not clear by whom. Which is many a good moment to add this: in addition to Hamas taking over the aid, so do existing Gazan mob families (presumably, the criminals are taking over the aid in order to sell it back to regular Gazans at exploitative prices).

A South African minister has announced that her country will be arresting all citizens of South Africa returning from fighting for Israel in Gaza. I do not recall any such announcement regarding South Africans returning from fighting for either side in any other area in the world, such as Ukraine or Syria. I think there's a chance we're watching South Africa ethnically cleansing itself of Jews.

These are Israeli-American mother Judith Raanan and her teenage daughter Natalie.

About a month after the start of the war, they were the first 2 Israeli hostages to be released by Hamas. Here is a short vid where Judith talks about their experiences, including how the nurses at the Gazan hospital Hamas took them to after they were kidnapped CHEERED at the sight of (in her words) "Israeli Jewish prey":

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(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#israel #antisemitism #israeli #israel news #israel under attack #israel under fire #terrorism #anti terrorism #hamas #antisemitic #antisemites #jews #jew #judaism #jumblr #frumblr #jewish #israelunderattack #Youtube

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beatrixstonehill2 · 6 months

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"One little call was all it took! Guys, my heart is pounding out of my chest. As a lot of you know, my college put up a ton of posters for this new detransition program. I've been questioning being a girl a ton lately thanks to all of you! I was so sure I wanted to stay a girl until I joined TikTok and you guys really opened my eyes with all the vids you tag me in. ❤️ I watch hours of detrans content every day now and yes, I totally rub my little cock to it. God I wish I could jerk off! My dick is only one inch.... totally stunted from blockers and all these silly, girly hormones my parents convinced me to take.

Ugh, it's so hot seeing all these trans girls like me with big gorgeous titties and sexy bodies give it all up to become porn-obsessed frat bros, cock-hungry femboys, or fat losers in their parents' basements. I could totally see myself becoming the latter! Couldn't you? I can see myself moving back in, stuffing my face, and just jerking off like a total gooner as I eat and eat, turning my sexy body into a pile of hairy lard, my mom bringing me endless fast food as I loudly watch porn, eat, and jerk off all day...... Sounds like heaven! Not that I don't like being a cute sorority girl with big boobs getting fucked in the ass a dozen times a day by a dozen different guys.....

The posters the university put up have this number. You just have to call it, tell them where you are, or since it's Tennessee, where a girl you'd like to detrans is..... And they drive over, pick you up, toss you in a van, and cart you away. They repurposed an old Urgent Care up the road into a Detrans Clinic. Basically I'll be brought there, since I'm volunteering they won't need three signatures from others who want me destransed, and they take me to the back. In a matter of twenty minutes or so, they told me..... My boobs will be removed, first thing to help masculinize me. Then I'll be pumped steadily with T and dick growth drugs for two weeks. Apparently doctors and counselors will talk to me all about finally becoming male, and I'll even be allowed to fuck some pretty girls.

But I already know the fate that awaits me as a boy. You guys hit the nail on the head sending me all those vids about gorgeous busty trans girls becoming slob gooners, covered in pizza grease, endlessly leaving nasty comments on pretty girls' accounts, becoming a total creep, so fat I struggle to get from my bed to my computer. My mom bringing me food all day, encouraging me to jerk off and fatten up the same way she happily encouraged me to wear dresses and be the sexy girl of my fantasies..... Shit, I think they just pulled up! Oh my god I'm freaking out! I'm really about to lose my perfect tits and become a guy! Oh fuck this is turning me on more than a hundred frat boys fucking my tight girly ass...... Next time I see you guys I'll barely look like a girl at all! Can't wait! ❤️ Until then, be sure to tell a friend, gather some signatures, and help the rest of the confused fakegirls on campus embrace becoming boys!"

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm kink #slob kink

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inklyqueen · 1 year

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Literally all the critics are so up in their egos

Also Spoiler warnings for the Mario movie because I'm crying and yk it's opening day I'm not that kind of bitch

I don't think many of them understand that they've got it made rn, and they've never experienced the world some of us are living in

And I don't mean it in a mental health sense or anything, I mean in an actual survival as an adult sense

I was literally surprised by how much I related to Mario specifically. He's the oldest. I'm the oldest of six (under a technicality, two of them are my dad's girlfriend's kids but yk). I'm sure his parents have preached that he needs to take care of and watch out for his younger brother (I'm assuming they're still twins in this universe, Mario was always the older twin in the games and other lore), and I've been preached that too. I'm the same way with my siblings as Mario is with Luigi. Throw trash at my sister, see that happens. "The more you fuck around, the more you're gonna find out." And at the end of the day, my parents will be only in my memories at some point, and all I'll have left is my siblings, granted if I never get married, have kids, etc (God willing I hope, not the point though) It seems to me that Mario is incredibly aware of that too, that one day they'll both be at an age where it's literally only him and Luigi and that they may literally be the only one the other has.

What also struck me was the set-up they showed with the boys. They still live with Mom and Dad, still in their childhood bedroom(s?), just trying to find their footing, I assume they want to be independent of their parents. They put their life savings into a commercial to get their company off the ground. I'm assuming they didn't have very much in the first place, especially from the speech their father gave about how "you can't just give up a steady job for a dream," and how Mario (at least specifically I'm assuming) can't hold down a job in the first place. How he's the one that's bringing Luigi down, as if Luigi can't make a decision for himself, and Mario's like his legal guardian or something. It very much seems to me that they've literally leaned on each other for almost everything more than their own parents, and that's screaming volumes for me.

I still live with my parents, and I get the same grief as well over how I haven't gotten it all figured out still. C*vid was zero help, I wasn't even a year out of high school when it hit, I was just starting college and things were not going very well. I'm just now figuring out my degree program, what I want, trying to get my career off the ground, and getting money back in the bank. I can't afford rent, God no, and I'm blessed to have a job that covers tuition now.

But it seems to me that critics don't understand that. For some reason they want this incredible fleshed-out character arc, plot and overreaching plot, Oscar and Emmy winning from day one piece, and besides the fact that this is technically intended for children, some of the ones I've read are literally making just under upper-to-upper class pay and lifestyles by being that judgemental. They don't have to worry about gas (or the electric bills if they have an electric car) in the tank or food on the table or making rent. One said that they "failed to give Mario a personality" (paraphrasing), when literally I'm seeing myself and my survival struggles in this short moustachioed plumber with older sibling anxiety.

Which, I'm pretty sure he's got a mild touch of GAD, or maybe that's me projecting. I'm not a licensed anything. Also added bonus points because I'm shorter than all of the siblings that are at an age to have actual height. One of my siblings is in high school rn and she's taller than me by a good eight inches. I'm six years older than her.

I'm literally out here doing the best I can with a $200 Insurance payment coming and $80 in the bank.

So yeah. Mario is a really good character.

So thankful for him.

#mario movie #and dont get me started on the forehead touch #i wept #so much #mario movie spoilers #can the critics just let me enjoy something for once?#super mario #like jfc

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1ore · 2 years

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Hey, sorry if this is a bit out of the blue, but can I ask what programs/brushes you use? I've been trying to learn how to paint digitally, but it often feels so sterile, and I really struggle with it. I envy how well you are able to achieve a traditional look with digital tools, and would love to learn your secret.

I'd love to see a tutorial/process video by you too honestly, but that's more just wishful thinking - I know you probably have a lot going on.

Cheers, either way! (And wish me luck)

oh my god. I went and did all that organizing and almost forgot to let you know! I put together a tag containing all of my resources/materials/art process stuff. It also has every timelapse video I've done. Each video has process rambling + lists of brushes / materials used in their YT descriptions.

I have a hard time talking about my process like I'm any kind of authority, but I tried to think about it a little and share whatever i've found helpful, answer questions I've been asked in the past or struggled with myself, etc.

Re: emulating traditional media specifically:

ok, first of all. Disclaimer: it's not all about the tools.

but if you're a hack like me it sure feels that way!!!!

When I moved from Photoshop to Clip Studio Paint, a big growing pain for me was finding real media tools that felt good to use. It's pretty obvious in the art I made during that time. Both the tools that ship with the program and the tools made by the community felt like they for completely different styles/workflows than mine. It was a struggle to adjust, and I'm still feeling it-- I don't feel like I have *my* sketch brush, or *my* workhorse painting brush. I miss my brick shithouse lineart every day ):

BUT. but. I've found some keepers along the way. Even the ones that aren't perfect analogs are still pretty great at what they're meant to do. If you're thinking about using Photoshop or Clip Studio Paint, then I can share those toolsets-- I list a few of them in my 'about', and I talk about them in more detail on those timelapse vids. I'm very picky about how my tools handle so they're probably not for everyone, but maybe you'll find something that makes digital art a little more bearable in there.

There's also a lot to be said for the little things, like slapping a paper texture on that bad boy and calling it a day. Even just applying textures to the canvas before you draw does a lot to make the drawing experience feel like it has... idk... warmth, dynamism. Tooth. It's cozier in there when I can see the paper. Admittedly it's been so long since I last looked at my sketchbook that the harsh fluorescent lights of the blank canvas no longer faze me, but it's still good for the eyes and the soul.

Other tools/programs:

Apart from the stuff I use(d) in my main workflow, I've also played with some other programs that are specifically geared towards emulating traditional media.

Realistic Paint Studio - Reasonably priced real media art program that has a decently beginner-friendly interface. This is probably the one program that came with brushes I genuinely liked, right out of the box. They feel good to use + the engine does a pretty nice job of emulating wet media in particular.

Some draws:

^^^ This was a style emulation of the wonderful Fiachmara's art, and also a gift to her, featuring her character Gealach. Didn't originally intend on sharing this publicly, but I think it illustrates this program's knack for inks.

It can also do most of the digital art cheats that I need to do in Clip-- it has analogs for the selection tool, layers, clipping masks, etc. It does not have a brush editor, so you need to be sure that you like the brushes it ships with. I also find that none of the brushes scale up large enough to accommodate absurdly large canvases (5000x5000px+ ) so you'll be stuck working at... well... normal canvas sizes. (Gealach above was about 2000 px wide before resizing-- pretty reasonable LOL)

My only real complaint is you can't export your art without the canvas texture applied to it. One time the textures bugged out on me, and I couldn't get them to fix themselves (you can see the carnage here, RIP.) I've been scared that it'll do that again to me someday, but it's been completely stable apart from this one random flub.

And hey, it's got an Actually Good Pencil Brush, so. There's that.

Rebelle 5 - hoo boy this is big $$$$$, but the brush engine in this one is just. bonkers yonkers cool for emulating real media, especially oil, acrylic, and watercolor. (I'm admittedly lukewarm on its charcoal and pencil brushes. You can create your own brushes, but there's not a huge community that's into making custom brushes yet.)

It's a mighty little art program as far as I can tell. Has most of the bells and whistles Clip does, which is a lot of things that programs like Realistic generally won't have, but are kinda necessary if you want to get into the weeds with like... Advanced Digital Art Skullduggery. (things like gradient maps and tools for ripping lineart from scanned drawings. I think that's honestly it, as far as things I do in clip that are clip-exclusive.)

Doodles:

Rebelle asks you to think like a traditional artist when you're using its tools, particularly its watercolors. Ironically, I Do Not Like This! I want to have my cake (real media tools) and eat it too (dont want to use my brain). But I think it might appeal to you for bringing some of the process into the digital space. If nothing else, it's novel to watch the paint dry.

(thats a real mechanic in rebelle)

((its fantastic, but I am allergic to it (see point one) (((dont want to use my brain ): )))))

if you play with the demo and find that it scratches that real media itch for you, might be worth reaching out for a student discount or something like that. They have educator licenses and student licenses and generally seem like a pretty accommodating lot.

Another disclaimer: these are just the tools that I've played with recently and have used enough times to talk about. There's lots of other stuff out there that I've tried but didn't like, and it could very well be that I didn't like them for the same reasons that you'll love them. There's a ton of really good free/open source programs in particular that I feel like I would be using if I didn't already have my workspace carved out. Krita and MyPaint stick out in my mind. (MyPaint was my main program for a Long time in highschool. come remember my baby art with me. )

ok its 3 am I need to close this out:

I'm tapping my other disclaimer again. Tools are not the end-all-be-all of making digital art that emulates traditional media. Pieces like No Dominion and this pic of Dia and co. required some actual neurons to fire when I was figuring out how to tackle them. But for me, finding the right tools and creating the right workspace for myself was a stupidly big part of getting comfortable with digital art. I have to take care of the little QOL things like that before I can even begin to worry about the big things OTL

#uncaptioned #my brain is a scrambled egg. if I reread this in the morning and it doesnt make any fucking sense: sorry!!!!!!!!#but THANK YOU for reaching out I hope something in there catches your interest.#I talked an inordinate amount about tools because I talk more about process stuff in the tag above + on those vids #and i hadnt really talked about how weirdly important it was for me to have these cheap gimmicks to make art look Good #before i could worry about the bigger things like studying the blade #really anything that lowers the barriers to Having Fun is vitally important to me #1ore doesn't want to use her art blog

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makingspacemakingtime · 1 year

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Ok 2022 wrap up. First the good:

* killed it at work and on schedule for a huge jump in salary in january 2023

* finally let go of the worst years of my life by *gasp* leaning in2 and committing to my present self???

*moved to a banging new apartment WITH kitchen island

*volunteered for midterm campaigns

*went to chicago, cincinnati, honolulu and st. louis

*READ like 80% more this year than last year (the bar was the like 2 books i picked at and didnt finish last year but still improvement)

*more consistent with skincare routine

*hit 50k in my one savings acct in accordance w financial goals

THE BAD:

*didnt learn a new language, instrument, to code, pottery, or anything. Was grinding at work and not much else

*health took a backseat: too much doordash no fitness plan or even much activity

*didnt make any new friends

*stagnated in other areas. No volunteering for causes i care abt or even at community garden. mUST CHANGE THIS IN 2023

*struggled to stay consistent with much of anything. Scatterbrained for most of the year

THE UGLY:

*lost all muscle tone due to nothing other than lack of care

*no motivation. No real direction. No real sense or vision of the future i want and am working towards. No effort in the places where it counted

*phone and screen addiction. BIG TIME. losing hrs to this that i should be using to get out there and meet ppl and actually improve my quality of life LOL.

*deep-seated suspicion that im not well-liked at work bore out late this year. Not super pleased since that's been my main focus. Probably connected to this other stuff.

*loss of basic intellectual curiosity. In complete survival mode for the first 8 months of the year. Self is almost unrecognizable in many ways.

THE RESOLUTIONS:

I've spent the month of december devoting myself to prepping for the big three resolutions that i feel will have the biggest impact on my immediate health and wellbeing. I did a recipe plan for every day of december and gave myself a zero doordash/restaurant rule but no other real restrictions on what recipes i make and that's gone super well in terms of re-integrating cooking regularly back into my life and even enjoying it! I think in february im going to start paying more attention to making sure im incorporating the plate method to ensure im getting the right proportion of protein veg and carbs into my diet but for now its all about finding recipes that taste good and that i can sustainably replicate etc. I've been doing a lot to make sure im brushing my teeth and doing my skincare routine at least every morning so im going to start bumping up my evening care in January as well. I also downloaded the none2run app to get me up to a 5k which at least lays out the calendar of what i need to do and im on week 2?? I think of the beginner exercises before starting the runs in earnest. I've deep cleaned my apartment and kitchen and have been regularly washing my clothes and doing the dishes instead of letting it all pile up. All of these changes in routine have been gradual over the last 5 weeks or so but its already paying dividends and i love the idea of prepping for resolutions and planning them out so i don't lose track as the year progresses:

*Journal at least once a week (minimum 52 entries by this time next year)

*Develop nourishing recipes you actually enjoy and can replicate. Limit restaurants to once a week (non-holiday) or 3 times a week (with holidays)

*complete none2run 5k.

*sign back up for barre classes at least once a week (non-travel)

*on work travel, complete youtube pilates vid at least twice a week

*this is the year to tackle skin texture and pores. Set up derm appt in January

*complete liftoff program for beginner weightlifting beginning in June.

*volunteer for minimum 2 hrs each week. For anything.

*volunteer for dems at least once this year.

*SEE A FUCKING PSYCHIATRIST

*take one extra-curricular class

*check in quarterly on goals

*take one international trip

2023: We are being specific and intentional!!!!!

#2023 resolutions

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0thsense · 6 months

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11/29/2023

It's been a while since nippon and nothing good has happened. That's not really true but it is true I haven't made progress on my goals. I've even made negative progress on lifting and running. Or maybe sideways who cares im just not dedicated enough. why do i bother with good grammar on these posts just let it go bro.

I did well on the osu tournament at least, but ive gotta give up on that shit. just play for fun and casual improvement. I fucked up my wrist the other day too and it still hurts. It kinda hurts to type to be honest. tumblr can fuck off with the spellcheck btw. i talked to Peter about his journaling and im starting to think that my thoughts are just way more cringe than average. ur telling me everyone else doesnt have to hold back cringe all the time? i love being cringe is the problem

one thing I remember feeling on the way to see my pt is that i think i like feeling sad. the type of sad where id like to say its something other than self pity but its probably just self pity. god im so reluctant to say im falling into a common trap that is wallowing in self pity.

oh yea I started taking caffeine pills and not taking medication. I don't think its helping so far but I feel less shit all the time. is it time to truly give up? im scared that im losing my mental faculties. I remember I used to try to optimize everything i did. which i thought was dumb at the time because I would proceed to waste all the extra time I had. but now I dont have that drive to optimize anymore. i dont believe in myself to be different anymore. in fact its a struggle to even be normal.

i dont know if ive talked about this before but I tried to go for a route in my life where I wouldnt have to learn to be normal. if I got far enough doing special weird things then people would accept that I didnt have to be normal, and theyd even praise me for it. but now that ive fallen off the wagon I have to just be behind on being normal instead. I hate the feeling that other people will look at me and think I was wrong all along.

Im so doomer in these posts. I guess getting off the medication wasnt enough to stave away the depression. I didnt even do anything today either programming wise. Theres a month left, and its december. maybe i should just start leetcoding now. I say that cuz its the normal thing to say but there is no way I start before the new year. time to pretend to be happy for the holidays.

im worried that it will be difficult to find a job. i want to find a job in new york but i need to find a position that lets me afford rent. i have a limited number of people i can reach out to for referrals and if those dont pan out im probably in deep trouble and will need to take whatever i can get.

there's a channel called hoe_math on yt that has blackpilled views but surprisingly its really popular. the couple vids i watched were entertaining and agreeable and im scared of watching more and becoming a misogynist. the old me would not have been scared. watch and sift the new information and try to remain as objective as possible keeping in mind all of your own biases. now im a thinking plebian. what happened to me? i ask as i know the answer perfectly well.

also i think im bad at diagnosing my own mental state. after taking molly for the first time i could barely tell i felt anything. that probably has an effect on my diet for example, where my instinct on what i need to eat is dull. is this linked to not being in touch with my emotions? ur feelings are partly a reflection of your body's state after all.

i cant even finish this stupid pong game. any mental obstacle that i think will take like an hour is just too much. the true test of will is the will that can give consistent effort day after day. i wonder how neurotypicals feel. does it also feel literally impossible for them to do certain things? what does it mean to just not want to do something? determinism wise everything either happens or is impossible. i have a hard time relating that to the things adhd stops me from doing. maybe the reason im more inclined to believe determinism is that adhd makes the illusion of choice much weaker.

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