#i've been brainstorming all day i'm so stuck... i have more than nothing but my god.. i just want to read it why have i not written it yet

[dreamingofmuses]

New Year's Resolutions: RP Edition

Howdy all, Ash here. I've been having a think while with family this week, and I've decided I'm going to implement some new 'resolutions' to try and help make writing in 2024 be way more successful than in 2023. This will include things from the running of blogs to jobs I really want to get finished. I'm putting them under a read-more to keep the dash nice and clean.

I will say, this has taken me an hour to write up, and I'd recommend you doing likewise if you think there's little ways you want to improve.

-

Overall Running of Blogs

I'm going to experiment a new approach to running the blogs. For this, I'm going to put all active blogs to low-medium activity. In other words, even if I am personally lurking on mobile, I won't be constantly writing things if I'm not able to. (Work is just about to get super busy and I'm anticipating chaos)

A queue/schedule function will be used for all blogs. I intend to dedicate one weekday evening to working without interruption on replies. Taking commutes to the city and family visits into account, this is looking to be a Thursday, which is the only day I am neither travelling to the city nor have a guaranteed family visit. Of course, this may fluctuate, but that's what I'm hoping to work with, assuming those things stay as they are.

However! What all this means is that I am going to tentatively take skullandbowties off hiatus. With that blog being quiet, it should be possible to juggle it better now. Plus, it's officially off-season so the demand for him from new blogs ought to be low. I'm very smart :D

I also plan to update all pinned posts. I am aware some of them are marking a vacation from months ago.

Individual Blog Maintenance

Create "New Here?" posts to add to the pinned posts/info tags. This is going to be a very quick crash course on what to expect from the blog, especially where some characters might diverge from fanon expectations.

FINISH. WILF'S. BIO. It's not actually relevant to anything being written on the blog itself at present, but I really want to flesh out his character and show that he was stuck in stories for years, decades even! The doc has the word count to 4,888 at this precise moment. This is a mix of summary and brainstorm. Since it's getting a 'little' out of hand, I intend to have a 'tldr' at the start that people can read, and then longer versions if they're curious to get the full story. Maybe even have it that they can jump to particular parts but... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Likewise, Noah's version of Space needs to be finished. This one is going to be a summary, but it's a case of making sure the pieces are in place sufficiently to have parts match canon Space, but also make it clear that there is a lot of differences between canon and what he went through, with his plot entirely spiralling away for 'Part 2'. This is at 5,794 words, and the ending has yet to be ironed out...

(I am going to stop creating needlessly long-winded projects for myself that realistically add nothing of value to my blogs. These two projects are exhausting...)

Theauthorlives is returning to a very small multimuse. Any muses that aren't ones I genuinely enjoy writing are being fully archived, unless they are muses that get no traction but I want to keep the possibility open. Details of that will be shared when I do this.

Redo some muse icons (not all of them!). Though the selection I have for particular sets is a lot, I still feel like I'm missing some expressions or poses. I would like to remake one batch of icons for three characters, and finish iconning a third. Replies seem to be shifting toward iconless, but I like them for asks or IC commentaries.

OOC/Mun Related stuff

Following matters that have happened both online and IRL, I've decided to take a step back from actively engaging with people. My focus will be people that I have been in good communication with for the last twelve months (as well as people I don't talk to frequently but am on friendly terms with) rather than people I feel I have to 'chase' after. Saying that, I'm going to try and not let past experiences meddle with anything in with new writing partners - whether these are brand new to the community or people I've not had the chance to properly interact with prior to this. Just be aware that I might not be super outgoing at first. (This is where setting limits and boundaries is good practice, everyone! Don't sell yourself short, and don't spread yourself out too thinly!)

Which is where I now say I want to send even more asks! Not just memes or sentence starters, but general questions about headcanons or muse opinions. I want to get people thinking more.

My stance on Discord still stands, in that it's solely for OOC stuff, but I'm not giving it out to everyone. However, I have been in two group servers that have little-to-no connection with writing rp threads in them. I would hope that I can fully regain my sense of comfort using Discord as a whole.

Art related

Despite socially stepping back, I still want to keep some semblance of 'community' where my blogs are active so people don't feel isolated. For instance, I want to do something that encourages invasions of ask boxes. That was good fun to watch as the chaos began to spread, and when people are good-humoured to go along with my silly ideas.

I want to have one huge art-related event at some point this year. I'm not entirely what or how to do it, but I think it would be a great excuse to practice something. Portraits, comics, something like that. I'll have a think. (For those who remember, the water gun event was supposed to have an art conclusion but plans for that fell through.)

I want to try and upload drawn responses to heythereneighbor once a week if I can. Obviously, this is depending on how busy it is.

I'd also like to try doodling more on other blogs? But I'm not sure if this is even something people want to see anymore. People might prefer I focus on writing if I have free time instead of doodles or little comics.

... the writing blog. I need to do stuff with that in general. Whoops.

Finally, I want to do what I can to the best of my abilities on a particular day. I've always told people over the years that real life comes before rp, and I still stand by that. Whether I'm around or not every day isn't the end of the world. The communities I write in are a lot slower paced than they were when I started, which is great! I need to remind myself that I don't need to be writing just because I have a bit of free time.

#(but some of these won't be starting this week because my work week is a little jumbled up) #(one tldr is that I intend to have one day a week for writing that should hopefully be a Thursday #but not Thursday of this week because I'm commuting to work and have personal stuff on as well) #(aaaand now I sleep. Have to catch a bus in the morning.)

[el-ly-sha-give-no-f]

FOREVER

AUTHOR: Hello everybody! how are ya? 2 shots in one week? yeahhhhhhh!!! why not? Elly was quite hyper after she got influenza, my mom was laughing about it, so here, for this fic! I need you guys to prepare a box of tissue, cause this one will be sad. I'm sorry if you cry over my fic, that's my attention actually, JK JK, NO REPOST, DONT COPY MY WORK OKAY? bye have a nice day! enjoy! IM BEGGING YOU TO LISTEN TO 'GLIMPSE OF US BY JOJI' while reading this!!!

PAIRING: Daniel Ricciardo x reader

PRONOUNCE: she/her

WORDS: ????????

WARNING: angst, death, toxic relationship, no happy ending (sorry) not in a real timeline, Daniel's POV

DANIEL POV

2020

"smile for the cam Lovie!" we are both currently at Disneyland, we been decided to take off days from our work, only for a while. A short vacation is good. We want to stay away from work cause' we realize we've been stressing lately

"wait, Daniel, I look ugly" I turn to look at her "what? Baby noo..., you look, pretty sweetheart, why did you say that?" I ask her "Fine fine," she said, I smiled at her, she was so stubborn but I love her Forever. "okay ready 3...2...1" I look at her and kissed her cheek before I took a picture of us, God she's pretty. Lovely.

------------------------------->

2021

"Hello Honey Badger" I turn my head up from my phone. I saw y/n stand in front of me with a beautiful smile drawn on her face, a smile that never failed to make me love her harder.

"Hello Lovie" I stand up and kissed her lips softly

"Are you okay?" She asked me suddenly

"of course I'm okay, why'd you ask?" I ask her, curious

"no reason....you look, distracted"

"WHATTTTTTTTT!!!" I tried to light up the mood, but she smack my shoulder

"I'm serious Daniel.." okay she really does worry now

"I'm okay baby just nervous"

"about the race?" I nod "normal," I said "I see, well, you have nothing to worried about babe, I can feel this time, you will get a podium, you want the first place? second, third? you can get every place you want," she said excitedly, I know this time she's the one who wants to light up the mood, I laugh at her. "sorry to say but it's impossible Love" "no it's not" she argued. I kiss her cheek softly, one thing that she never fails is, to ease all of my nervousness before races or other things. Forever be mine.

----------------------------------->

2022 (night of new year's eve)

Third years I and y/n have been together,3 years?!??? that's crazy, feels very fleeting. I have a lot of things that I've been planning, these past few weeks are "weeks of brainstorming", dinner? picnic? spoil her with a lot of gifts, name every of it, I planned all of those already. But I have a very special plan for her tonight and that plan is making me freakin' nervous than my races.

(night)(NEW YEAR)

"Daniel, are there more of your plans? I'm getting tired, not that I said I don't like your plans today but I miss our bed and some cuddle-" I shush her by kissing her cheek quickly "SHUSSSSH this is the last one, I promise you Lovie" I place my hand on her lap and my eyes continue focussing on the road

(TIME SKIP!)

"Okay, babe! I need you to close your eyes for this" I asked her

"Why? what if I fall?" I laugh

"You're not going to fall Lovie" I give her a quick kiss on the lips

"Okay, but promise" she stuck out her pinky finger "pinky promise"

I lock my pinky finger with hers and I nod while smiling at her cuteness

"Okay let's go!"

-----------------------> time skip again!

I guide her to the spot where Lando, Max and other drivers have been helping me organise. I pay them all, for sure but their services are so. Expensive.

"Okay we've arrived"

"I feel sand, I hear waves, It's cold here, are we at a beach?"

"Smartass! open your eyes"

Before she opens her eyes, I quickly kneel in front of her.

She open her eyes and look around, not yet noticing that I kneel in front of her, she turn to look at me, and I saw her getting shocked, and I laugh.

"Daniel, what?" she asks me softly

"Okay don't cry yet! you gonna make me cry too" I hear her laugh and ask me to continue.

"Y/n Viss Richard, on the first time I met you, I was starstruck by your beauty and personality, no kidding, I'll be honest to you right now, It's like 'fall in love at the first sight. In the first year we know each other, we are like best friends, and in the second year, you said you had fallen in love with this one guy from your work, at the same time I was so sad and heartbroken, and then you were together with that prick for 5 years?! God, he is so dumb, If I was him, 5 years is enough to ask you to move in with me, and then one day suddenly you told me you broke up with him"

"I'm very glad that you leave him, then I ask you to be my girl, I am so happy that you let me in, in your life, you accept my love, that day is the best day of my life! so here we are, 3 years baby, I'm kneeling in front of you to ask you this question, Y/n Viss Richard." I finish my speech by asking her a question.

"Will you honour to be my wife and change your name last name from Richard to Ricciardo? even though our last name first three latter is R.I.C, will you sweetheart?"

I wait for her to answer.

"YES! I want to be your wife Daniel Joseph Ricciardo"

She cried and I stand up, then slipped the shining ring that I bought specially for her. I kissed her tenderly.

We pulled from the kiss and she hug me tightly.

"I can't believe I'm getting married to my fav guy!"

I lifted her chin up so she can look at me.

"Well, believe it now Lovie, you're going to married soon" I kissed her forehead.

both of us heard the fireworks that signalled, the beginning of the new year

"Happy New Year sweetheart"

She's gonna stuck with me Forever

(SIX MONTHS LATER) (PRESENT TIME)

2023

That all was six months ago.

You're gone from my life 4 months ago, I miss you so bad Y/n, we were only together as Fiancee for 2 months. 2 months is not enough for me baby. You have gone too soon. I remember the night when we announce our engagement on the internet, the same night I propose to you, we didn't expect to break the internet that night, we read our friends comments, congrats us, Lando commented on my post, saying that I don't pay him enough.

We laugh together on our bed. God, it's not the same anymore, our bed feel empty without you laying by my side. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you so so so much Lovie. Everyone misses you, both of our parents and friends miss you, your sibling especially your brother Finn.

Finn and I hang out more often after you're gone, we talk about you always, our favourite memories with you, and Finn talk about your funny childhood story. You rarely talk about your childhood memories to me even though 3 years we've been together, or I can say 3 years and a half, cause' I never took off our engagement ring, except when I want to take a shower of course.

People ask me, did I ever move on? The answer is No, I never ever try to move on, not even once cause I still love you, even though it's been six months but the answer is still No. We've known each other for 8 years, you with that prick for 5 years, and I only got 3 years to spend time with you, it's not fair, he got 5 but I got 3 it's not enough sweetheart. I'm not blaming fate but I'm blaming myself, I'm too late to confess my feeling for you.

It's not enough for me baby, it's have never been enough.

Only if you didn't go to your friend's party that night, only if I go with you, we'll gone together. We made our promise to have a small little family, with your cat 'Dusty'. She misses you too like I do you know. One week after you go, she didn't want to eat she waiting for you to come home, but you didn't arrive.

I'm crying with her, 'cause we miss you so much.

Well, baby, it's a sunny day today and that means it's a good day to visit you, I'll bring Dusty this time, I'm sure she will be so excited to go out and meet you again. And I'm sure you miss her too. But first! we need to go to flower shop, I know you like flowers.

(AT THE FLOWER SHOP)(GENERAL POV)

It's so many kinds of flowers, Daniel thinks if he brings Y/n here, he thinks they'll never gonna leave this shop.

Daniel knows what specific flower he wants to buy for y/n.

Tulips

'cause he knows it was y/n fav flower.

"Hi can I help you" a young female florist approach Daniel

"Hi, I just want to buy Tulips please" Daniel replied

"Sure such a good choice, your cat is cute by the way," she said

Daniel looks at Dusty before thanking the girl

"Is it yours?" She florist ask

"No not mine, it's someone" Daniel said

The girl nodded her head while choosing Daniel's flower

"Cat lovers?" she asks again

"something like that"

they both walking toward the cashier when suddenly the girl ask

"Do you have someone special? if not I might try giving it a shot"

Daniel is not sure whether this girl is joking or serious

"HaHaHa, sorry to disappoint you, I'm taken, I have a Fiance," Daniel said while showing his engagement ring on his finger.

"Oh sorry" the girl apologises

"It's okay no big deal" Daniel assured the florist

"Is this for her" Daniel nod

"where is she?"

By this time, Daniel didn't know how to answer that question, someone had never asked that question before to him. All he can say is.

"Home"

The girl nodded and give Daniel's flower to the cashier before she said goodbye to Daniel and walk away to other customers.

"Here you go sir, It's seven bucks" Daniel took out 20 dollars from his pocket and give it to the cashier. Daniel remembers what y/n said to him before "Instead of being stingy, it is better to share sustenance with others"

"keep the change please" "you sure?" Daniel nod

"thank you so much, hope you have a nice day" The cashier wish

"you too" he replied back before exiting the flower shop.

---------------------------->

(DANIEL POV)

We arrive at y/n's grave, her grave looks as lush as new

I sit down next to her grave and put the flower on top of her grave.

"Hey baby, I bring you your favourite flower"

"How are you? I hope you are doing just fine and happy at your new home. Like I said I bring Dusty with me this time. She misses her momma so much."

"I miss you so much Y/n, did you meet someone that you really want to meet before, there? your plants at home are still alive, I took care of them don't worry, but except for the cactus, I don't know why it suddenly dead, sorry"

"I wish you didn't go, sweetheart, It's so boring without your support at the paddock, I miss my number one fan, I lost my number one fan. Never in a million years, someone will replace you, no one, I promise baby, you have a special spot in my heart, I miss your laugh and your beautiful smile honey, I'll trade my life only want to hear and see it one more time, I hope you miss me too Love"

------------------------------->

I talk with Y/n for like a half hour, maybe, I need someone to vent about my problem, till I heard Dusty meowing, It's a sign that she's getting tired so I guess it's time to went home.

"Well, till we talk and meet again eh sweetheart?"

"wait for me okay? I love you, Lovie, Forever"

I kiss her Headstone and stand up, before I walk away, I read what was written on her headstone. Then me and Dusty walk away from her grave.

Y/n Viss Ricciardo

Y/B/D - 15 April 2023

A Daughter, Fiance and Friend. A shining star, forever in our hearts and we only part to meet again.

----------------------------> END!

WHEN I TELL YOU TO CRY I DIDN'T MEAN I CRIED TOO WHILE WRITING THIS!!!! yes listen to Glimpse of us on repeat, from up to down, I swear. But what do you guys think? is it too sad or other? let me know, hope you guys have a great day, stay safe and thank you for reading my story, I love you all! Bye!

#daniel ricciardo imagine #formula one x reader #f1 x you #daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo x you #pierre gasly x y/n #lando norris x reader #f1 imagine #f1 x reader

[scienceoftheidiot]

Here you go @magipies ! Second round of the asks !!! Thank you again I'm having lots of fun replying to those 😁

🍷 Do you drink and write?

I don't think I've done this ever. I very, extremely rarely drink if I'm alone - I did a couple of times when I lived alone, but now if you see me mentioning I'm drunk I probably shared a drink with my husband or family. And I kind of rarely write when I'm not alone so, here you go.

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

When I can. Could be anytime. I'm just constantly thinking about the stuff I'm writing about so...

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

... no. Lol. Mostly when people make predictions (which I love !!! It's really not often.) they tend to be off. It's not that I try to surprise, it's just that I think I tend to think weirdly? But like. Most of the time my predictions when I read are off too, so lol I think I'm just weird 🤣

❌ What’s a trope you will never write?

I'm more than sure you won't ever see any noncon from me. In fact anything too rough smut wise neither, I think. Other than that there's SO MANY tropes I don't know that I can't tell, you know ?

Oh yeah, thinking about it. No omegaverse from me. Really not my thing at all. Nope. Thanks.

💖 What made you start writing?

I don't remember a time when I didn't write. My parents got me an old as balls electric typewriter when I was in middle school (that's why my typing is so weird and loud. The keys were stuck. Gotta be STRONG.). Anyway if we're talking fics, same, but actually writing and posting a fic I think it was a cliffhanger at the end of a certain season of a certain show, that made me just insane enough to write (in English, too, because I used to hate my french style)(I've retroactively posted it to AO3 so yeah it's there but I mean I haven't read it again so I wouldn't say to try).

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Uhhh I have nothing up and coming because they're all long fics 😅😅

Ok let's talk about that one I shared parts with you, right ? 😏

So when I finished writing Everyone learns faster on fire I thought I wouldn't go back to it.

And I didn't. BUT. I figured I wanted to rewrite it, because something sat wrong with me ; namely, that the army would keep Roy. So I. Had to start a new WIP that branched from there and... Went totally off, but in a very fun way. And now it's 33K, because the plot points fell down like dominos once I had Roy forcibly dismissed 😅 it's also less centered on Roy (and Riza) learning to adapt - since I got the other fic, been there, done that, let's say - but more on their relationship and on going forward, finding/keeping new plans going, etc.

And forward they go. And fast. Rebecca is going to go insane I think.

I've just added a Team Mustang (well. Finished team Mustang 😬🙃) scene and it was a blast to write. I can't wait to be able to bring them all together again for a very interesting plot point 😏 I also got Ed coming at one point, but not immediately.

This is half and half plot/slice of life fic, with LOTS of angst (say hi to Riza's separation anxiety)(and Roy's... I mean he's not much better than her) but also fluff. So much fluff. And smut. I'll have to plan how to post it when it's done, because this fic will be explicit but it's not like, a smut fic. It just happens. So it needs brainstorming. But it's not for now, because I'm. Actually far from the end. 🥲

Here you go, feel free to ask more questions about it if you want ! 😁

Send me some emoji asks ? (Or reblog and get one from me 👀)

#replies #ask game #emoji ask #magipies #wip #royai #fanfiction #writing

[notsodailycake]

Aw, c’mon! I was JUST about to go to sleep. Of course, I won’t be able to say something if I don’t comment on this amazing comic.

Ouch, poor Gregory. He’s probably been abandoned far too many times. And Vanessa too. She WANTS to do the right thing, but…there’s a lot of factors outside her control. Besides the whole “made to murder children with a knife” thing. How is going to handle the cost that come with looking after him? What if the cops come after her?

Loved the shading in those last few panels. Definitely added to Vanessa’s mood.

Ugh, I feel you, Freddy. Those two SUCK at communicating. But then again, one’s a eleven year old orphan who grew up on the streets, and a few hours ago,the other was in a position where communication LITERALLY meant a painful death at her hands to anyone who listened, so I can’t really blame them. But…I REALLY hope it gets resolved fairly soon. Pretty please? Maybe by the time they get to Vanessa’s place?

In spite of all that, it is my firm belief those two NEED each other, as well as others (*cough* Glamrocks) for the journey ahead. And, over time, they WILL become family, I have no doubt of that.

Thank you for this, and I can’t wait for more! Well, I can, but you know what I mean.

Haha I'm so sorry 😂

I was on my lunch break and while drawing part 9, i remembered that i haven't posted the new part yet, so i imitatedly went to do that so i wouldn't forget to post it on the day i said i would lol

Anyways, yep, all really valid points! Ones I've been stuck for the past few months honestly, but dont worry, all will be answered in time. I'm actually quite excited to explore these topics since i have them sorted out by now

And thank you so much! I'm glad it did, i wanted to experiment a bit with mood and feelings of things on my art, be a little bit more expressive, and well, the shading suddenly popping in when the comic itself doesn't have shading? Boom! Adds more flair and drama!

Tho i wasn't so sure how well it would go, hyt well, glad it went well! I really enjoyed shading it, and it was my favourite part of this one

As for Freddy, heh, the comic aint called "Home is where Freddy is" for nothin (it actually is for nothing, the name was a random bundle of words a friend came up with while we brainstormed ideas for titles lol)

Seriously tho, seeing how things ho from here, Freddy is holding this family together and the braincell XD

Which is why I'll say, your prayers will be answered...sort of, Freddy is there to help! But iwont reveal much more than that :)

But yeah, you're welcome! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far ^^

#cakes asks #ask box #home is where freddy is

[non-un-topo]

Good lord writing historical fics for the old guard is so complicated

#honestly it's the ocd i'm not kidding #like i can't do anything by halves. has to be 100% at all times #has to have a really complex and historically/religiously accurate story #i've been brainstorming all day i'm so stuck... i have more than nothing but my god.. i just want to read it why have i not written it yet #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #fgihdf no one is forcing me to write another mystery but ohhhh i want to so badly. lionheart was so much fun

[firefly-in-darkness]

Separation, Connection - [1/2]

Pairing →Bucky Barnes x Reader

Characters → Marvel Characters

Summary → Your friendship with Bucky deterioates when you catch him in a compromising position with a fellow agent.

Word Count → 2.3k

SSB2021 Square Fill → “God I hate you” - @star-spangled-bingo

AFG Square Fill  → “What the fuck am I seeing?” @anyfandomgoesbingo

Warnings → 18+. Angst, Heartbreak, Jealousy, Swearing

Betas → @kalesrebellion // all mistakes are my own.

A/N → This one was sitting in my WIPs folder for ages, and after brainstorming with @writethelifeyouwant, this 2 parter was finished! Ps. I know I haven’t updated Worst Idea Ever in a while and I’m sorry - I’m just very stuck with it atm, the plot and majority of the story is planned out, I just can’t seem to fill in the blanks.

Firefly’s Masterlist

You and Bucky were close, and there was that little thin line between friendship and something more. Nothing had happened but, god, you had wanted it to. The secret crush you harboured for your teammate, your friend, had only grown over the years. Everyone thought you would be good together, commenting on how well you got along, that friendship was an important part of a relationship. Both of you rolling your eyes and laughing at their comments.

When you finally gathered the courage to tell him how you felt, you saw him with someone else. They were at the back of the training facility; the team were in a simulation of a terrorist attack on Paris and once the time on the training session was called, you stumbled across them.

They were just out of sight, hidden in a dark corner. And it wasn’t just a casual embrace. They were having sex, he was fucking her, hard, up against a wall. You froze at the sight of his bare bottom clenching with each thrust and the blissed-out look on her face. What the fuck am I seeing?! Heart shattered, you fled from the room without a sound, not wanting to disturb them or for anyone to see you crying.

It hurt too much to be as close to him after that, you consciously decided to withdraw from the friendship. Not going straight to him when entering a room or staying in bed instead of heading to the rooftop where you’d usually wander at five in the morning to talk with Bucky, putting the world to right.

And of course, Bucky noticed. It had been a week since you had joined him for a midnight chat in the kitchen. He was missing his best friend. He wanted to share his life with her, and she was nowhere to be seen unless someone else was in the room. 

Bucky knew it was a bad sign when you chose to sit next to Wanda, not sandwiched between him and Nat, on movie night. He felt alone in a room full of friends, as they watched a film about a love triangle set in England. It was supposed to be funny, but Bucky didn’t hear the jokes, let alone the punchlines. 

Nat had realised something was wrong too. She saw the dark circles under your eyes when you drained the coffee from the cup in the morning and the puffy redness from crying in the middle of the day. She had detested the way you and Bucky were before, it was like a pair of magnets drawn together, a connected ribbon, a gravitational pull. But now? Well, you were repelling within a few meters of one another, and she hated that even more.

“What did you do, Barnes?” Nat whispered harshly, eyes still on the film.

“Nothing.” Bucky looked over to you, sleeping with your head resting on Wanda’s lap.

“So why is Wanda looking at you like that?” She raised an eyebrow.

Bucky lifted his gaze, saw the fiery red eyes staring back at him as she stroked your hair, a soft red mist falling over you. He frowned at the Sokovian and tried to talk telepathically but she shook her head and looked back at the television.

On autopilot, you ran from your room to his bedroom door, knocking until the screams died down. Long ago, you’d learnt to not enter the room until he’d settled down, had the bruises to your neck and dealt with the guilt-ridden expression on Bucky’s face for weeks.

Pressing your ear to the door, you could hear Bucky moving about and slowly pushed it open so as not to startle him. A soft glow from the lamp at his bedside welcomed you in, he'd stacked his pillows against the headboard with his knees drawn up and resting his head in his hands.

“Hi, Buck. It’s me.” You spoke softly, his head and eyes shot up to meet yours.

You walked over and sat at the end of the bed, averting your eyes to the floor and fingers fiddling with the edge of a blanket, waiting for him to respond.

“What did I do doll?” He croaked, fingers running through his hair, his knees dropping down.

Your heart raced and you were certain he could hear the harsh thumps, but your voice remained steady, “It's nothing, just need a little time to process some things.”

“You normally come to me. What's different?” His voice was strained, thick with distress.

Standing up, you walked towards the window, arms wrapped tightly around your torso. You could feel his eyes burning into the side of your face, but you remained focused on the navy sky fading to blues and oranges with the sunrise.

“I can't this time Buck, I need space. I need space from you.” With each word, your heart fractured along the lines you’d attempted to piece together with being away from him.

“Get out then, just leave me alone.” His tone was now harsh, stronger than before.

“God, I hate you.” Without a final glance, you left the room. Your heart in tatters once more.

Once in the safety of your room, the sob heaved out of you. Bucky had disregarded you so easily, he let you go without a second thought. And you didn’t know what was worse; what you saw a week ago or what he just said.

Bucky finished his 76th lap when someone caught his eye. It was you. His best friend. The one he stupidly let go of. It had been three months since he'd told you to leave, and you hadn't gone back on his word.

Of course, Bucky was just as stubborn and hadn't approached you unless it was work-related. But there was something different about you. His eyes focused on the man you were standing with, and how you glowed, and Bucky just couldn't stand that you were feeling that way about a random recruit and not him.

“She used to look at you that way.” Wanda’s voice echoed in his head.

He scanned the field and found her figure leaning against a tree, shading herself from the summer sun and a book in hand. Bucky grabbed the small towel and wiped away the sweat, swigging his water bottle, then joined her on the grass.

“What are you talking about? She’s never looked at me like that.” He gestured towards you and the agent.

Wanda chuckled and shook her head, “You're not blind, or stupid, Bucky, she adored you. Still does, even though I wish she would get over you.”

His brow creased. “She wanted space, ended our friendship.” 

Wanda’s eyes flashed red, “And you broke her heart.” 

“Show me.” Bucky held out his hand, pleading with her, “I don’t know what I did wrong.”

“I can’t Bucky. It's private, she would never forgive me.” Wanda shook her head and placed her book in her lap, “I've seen what she's done to you, I'm not going to lose her too.”

Bucky sprang to his feet and kicked at the grass. “Then just tell me what you know. Just something?” He turned to face you, hands on his hips as he tried to think of what he’d done.

“Paris terrorist simulation,” Wanda stated without emotion.

Bucky turned around, seeing nothing but a neutral expression on her face. The simulation had been a success, the whole team had done well but he hadn’t seen you at the debriefing. Steve said you were exhausted and needed to rest. 

“What about it?” asked Bucky.

“Don't deny it. I saw it, I felt it. She had no chance of blocking me from that pain.” Wanda stood up, eyes flickering red, “you and that agent. I thought you were better than that Bucky.”

“Shit.” 

Bucky knew exactly what Wanda had meant before she explained. Shame coursed through him; he'd broken your trust by not telling you about the agent he’d been hooking up with. Honestly, he didn't want you to know, didn't want you to judge him for the flings he had. Subconsciously, he knew that was what your distancing was about because he hadn't seen her again or hooked up with anyone since.

All he wanted was you back in his life; he was going to make it happen.

Wanda smirked, shaking her head before walking ahead of him, “Best get a move on Barnes, she’s not thinking of him in a platonic way.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched and he strutted towards you, determined to get you back.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and he could only hope you still felt the same way.

You couldn’t believe Bucky dared to pull rank on you in front of another agent. That he had the gall to do such a thing after he told you to leave him alone, how he betrayed your trust as a friend and unknowingly broke your heart.

You stormed down the blurry corridors as anger took the form of tears. Your whole body tense and determined to get away from the assassin on your tail. People parted like the sea as they saw your strut and scowl, you scoffed at their reaction and thought, this must be what it’s like to be Bucky on a mission. Using it to your advantage, you managed to pull someone by the arm and into the path of the Winter Soldier.

While you sprinted away, you glanced back and spotted Bucky helping the woman to her feet, apologising profusely and then realising it was the agent you had caught him with. Your blood boiled as you pushed through the door to the stairwell, it slammed against the wall and probably damaged it, but you didn’t care anymore.

It wasn’t until the breeze hit your face that you realised where you were. You’d come to the rooftop, the exact spot that you’d air all your worries with Bucky. It was the place you’d first bonded outside of the team. 

A hand dragged down your face and your shoulders slumped. You spun on your heel, ready to escape when you stopped short. There he was, blocking the doorway. You groaned, of course, he knew exactly where you’d go even before you did.

“I just want to talk.” Bucky quietly spoke, a hint of a question in his tone but a statement all the same.

“I’ll scale down the side of this building if I have to.” You stepped back towards the edge.

Bucky growled and walked towards you, “would you quit being so stubborn and dramatic for one second?”

“Just leave me alone.” You threw his own words back at him, stopping him in his tracks.

At that moment, you could see that Bucky realised how hurtful those words were, but you weren’t going to console him anytime soon. He should suffer for how he spoke to you and for never attempting to speak to you until now.

Bucky slowly circled you towards the edge, his eyes focused on you while you turned in tandem following his moves. He reached the railing then settled down into a seated position, legs hanging over the side, his chest against the metal pole.

“Are you going to join me?” Bucky’s gaze now on the horizon.

With a roll of your eyes, you sat beside him, but at least a metre apart, you couldn’t get that close to him. He was too intoxicating, and your emotions were incredibly high, even if they were full of anger and hurt, and you didn’t trust yourself not to succumb to his charm.

“Are you going to talk then?” You sassed back at him.

“I’m sorry for what you saw. You shouldn’t have seen that.” Bucky didn’t hold back, “I was going to tell you, I just thought you’d judge me.”

“I’d judge you. For sleeping with a colleague. In the middle of a training simulation?” You scoffed, “You didn’t tell me about her. Or anyone else for that matter. Natasha filled me in on all your little late night rendezvous when I was on missions.”

“I didn’t mean to.” Bucky knew he’d not win this conversation and scrambled to bring it back onto his side, “you were away, and I needed something, someone.”

“So, you used them and used me too?” You glared at him.

“That’s not what I said,” Bucky seethed, annoyed at the way you were twisting his words but not surprised with the pain you felt. 

You continued, ignoring his comment, unable to stop the words falling from your lips, “I gave you emotional support. Watched you cry yourself to sleep after a nightmare, held your hand when you had a panic attack during a mission.” You shook your head at him, “I just wasn’t good enough for the sex part.”

Bucky held your chin and pulled your face to look at him, “You mean more to me than that. I just didn’t know how you felt. If I’d had known-”

You jerked away from his touch, it felt too nice, it felt like home, but you weren’t ready to fall back into this friendship. He knew how you felt, and you weren’t ready for his rejection. You still needed your space.

Swiftly, you returned to your feet, brushing down your trousers and hands, “Thank you for your apology, but I can’t forgive you.”

Bucky stood up and watched you begin to leave, “I’ll do my best to make you see how much you mean to me.”

You paused in the doorway, but you had to be strong, to carry on walking away, you couldn’t let him hurt you again. It was time to move on.

Continue Here...

Everything Tag List: @kitkatd7 / @fandomfic-galore / @writerwrites / @thefridgeismybestie / @wedonttalkaboutitenough / @courtneychicken / @persephonesinfernos / @miraclesoflove

Marvel Tag List: @natasha-danvers / @little-baby-vixen / @stuckonjbbarnes / @starlightcrystalline / @nekoannie-chan / @hailhydra920 / @vollzeitliebe / @fitzsimmons-is-forever / @ladyacrasia / @emmabarnes / @selfsun

strike through - unable to tag.

#Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes Fic #Bucky Barnes Angst #Bucky Barnes Fanfic #Bucky Barnes Fanfiction

[lowlights]

Writer Q&A

Thank you my beloved @javierpinme <3

1) How many complete fics/one shots do you have that you have not published (yet)?

Nothing done.

2) How many WIPS do you have right now?

One, two, three....and lots of things in the idea folder. First draft of the new Javi G story is done.

3) Do you take writing requests or write original ideas, or both?

I definitely do both- requests tend to sit in my inbox until I can get to them/get inspired to write them. Mostly I write original ideas.

4) If you do take requests, how many do you currently have?

Oh god...I have at least 15 sitting in my inbox. Several are from Eri, lol. If you sent me in anything, please know that it's not because I'm ignoring you.

5) How many fandoms do you write for?

I have only ever belonged to the Pedro fandom. Maaaaaybe the case could have been made for the X-Files fandom back in the day, but the internet barely existed then.

6) Are there any fandoms you wrote for in the past that you no longer write for?

Nope! PPCU only.

7) Do you write for ships, reader inserts or other?

I have stuck to reader inserts thus far, no ships. There are some OCs coming though...

8) Niche fandoms/characters you write for?

I think that the most niche character I write for might be Max Lord? He just isn't around as much as some of the others.

9) Do you read fics as well as write them?

YES. Oh my god. I loooooove reading fics. I try to reblog as many as I possibly can also.

10) What is your favorite genre to write for?

I'm the softest idiot in the world, so soft smut tends to be where I land. Or just straight-up fluff sometimes.

11) What is your favorite trope (to read/write)?

You'll have to pry Only One Bed/Huddling for Warmth out of my cold dead fingers.

12) What do you do to get motivated to write?

Brainstorm either alone or with friends, listen to music, get super comfy.

13) Is there a trope/genre you like to read, but not write?

I am super selective about smoosh fics (characters from multiple movies, etc), sex pollen, and have read a couple A/B/O. No hate at all to people who write them, but I probably won't ever write them.

14) Any characters/fandoms you want to write for that are never requested?

I would write any character in the Pedro universe. Are there some you'd like to see more of?

15) How long have you been writing fanfiction?

About....7 months? 8 months?

16) Did you read fanfiction before you started writing?

YES. Oh my god, yes yes yes.

17) Do you only post on Tumblr, or any other sites as well?

I post on AO3 when I think of it, I'm massively behind.

18) What do you personally consider the word counts of “Drabble”, “One shots” and “fics”?

Fics are everything. Oneshots are single chapter things. Drabbles are something between a long thought and a one shot. I don't know....

19) Which do you prefer to write more? HC, drabbles, oneshots/fics, multi chapter stories, other?

I've stuck to mostly oneshots but I'm branching out bby

20) Are there any stories you have discontinued? If so, why?

Nope, nothing so far. Even if I haven't circled back to something in a minute, it's still on my list.

21) What is one of your main “pet-peeves” as a writer on Tumblr?

I'm going to echo what Lauren said - anon hate is so unnecessary. If you don't like something or someone, move it along. There's enough hate in the world, do we really need to attack people here?

22) Do you write at a particular time of day?

Whenever the mood strikes! Although I think I do more evening writing than anything.

23) Do you listen to music, ambiance/noise, etc. to write or do you need silence?

I loooove writing to lo-fi music or thunderstorm white noise. Coffeehouse jazz too. I don't like silence, I can hear my thoughts too loudly.

24) Do you outline your fics at all before writing?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends on how many components I want to include or how long the fic is. I can keep a good amount of it in my head while I write. If it's going to be multi-chapter, it's getting an outline.

25) Do you post your writing as soon as you finish it, or do you schedule it to come out at a specific time/day?

A lot of times I finish something and chuck it out into the universe so I don't have a chance to second guess myself and never post it at all. I try to do a taglist reblog at a time of day when I know more people are around, and I try to spread out comment reblogs so I don't clog people's dashes.

No tags, do this if you want to!!!!

#writer q&a

[fratboykate]

I can see why it was a struggle to get this chapter done my my my ... just giving different points of view and having to get in the mindset of each character for that situation is something special... if you don't mind me asking, how are you able to go there for each one? How where you able to get inspired to go for it after all this time?because I'm telling you, you have a brilliant gift, yes everyone can call themselves a writer but the way to convey it, bring it together, and make you feel is special, your story is nothing like I've read ever and I'm serious that it needs to be bought and picked up into a series

I mean...I l've been living with these characters every day for how long now? 7+ years? There's literally not a day that goes by that I don't think about my kiddos, Parker, and Wila and the rest of the gang. Their voices are second nature to me. It's easy to jump around because I know them so well.

Truth be told the chapter as a whole wasn't a struggle. If I told you guys what the actual thing holding the chapter up for 4+ years was you might laugh at me. Or kill me. Either one.

Like yeah, sure, the office floor was a thing but that was more of a front facing excuse than anything. There was a REAL thing I was stuck on that was much much much MUCH more important and the ironic bit is that it is actually part of the chapter. It's life imitating art imitating life. What is it? It’s Costia’s birthday gift for Lexa.

On chapter 27 Costia and Lexa have that whole conversation at the dinner about how she spends the money that was supposed to go to her loop pedal on Wila’s birthday birthday gift instead. Since that chapter I was like…”Ah fuck! What the fuck is this gift gonna be?” Now that someone showed me that I can see exactly when each chapter was posted I can go back and see when Chapter 27 went up. It was posted June 9, 2017. Since Fucking JUNE 2017 I've been trying to figure out what Costia's motherfucking birthday present for Wila is. Almost five years. I've had entire brainstorming sessions where I've intentionally sat at my computer for HOURS and come up with NOTHING. JACK SHIT. All terrible ideas. And if I told you what I was doing like three weeks ago when it finally fucking came to me...I almost died. It was like three in the morning...I was thinking about NOTHING...not a thought in my head...BLANK BRAIN...I was deadass in my pitch black bathroom fucking sitting down peeing and out of nowhere my brain went..."...psssssst...Costia's gift is a watch...with a blue accent cuz her eyes...engraved...that she throws off the roof in a fit...you're welcome...bye..."

AND I WAS LIKE YOU FUCKING BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER because in hindsight it seems so fucking obvious. But I stood up and fucking BOLTED to my computer to write and then didn't stop writing until this morning. I had already wasted almost five years stuck on something dumb couldn't waste anymore time lol. But anyway...yeah...that's the real story of why I kept saying it wasn't abandoned I just, had things to push through lol. The real thing was the goddamn fucking gift.

#cfau #anonymous #answers

[jackies-wearing-khakis]

Marriage and Murder Pt. 1 (Shelby!Reader)

a/n: I'm a bit disappointed I had to post this in two parts, but alas, the original one-shot was too long for Tumblr.

summary: Things get progressively darker as you try to survive Tommy and Grace's wedding night.

words: 3101

warnings: Themes of drinking and sexual assault.

 "(y/n), for fuck's sake, hurry up!" Polly shouted from the betting room. She, Ada, Finn, John, and Esme were dressed in formal clothes, waiting for you to get ready.

  "Five minutes, Pol!" you called from your bedroom.

  "I swear to God," your aunt said under her breath as she checked her watch. "It's her own brother's wedding and she's decided to take her sweet time."

  "What's taking her so long anyway?" Finn asked, bored to death.

  "She probably looks ugly as hell and can't stand to face it," John whispered, earning a chuckle from Finn and a smack to the back of the head from Ada. 

  "I don't care 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 she's doing, if that girl's not down here soon we're leaving without her." Polly huffed.

  What Polly and the others didn't understand was that you were by 𝘯𝘰 means taking your sweet time. If anything, you were practically tripping over yourself to try and find a dress to wear to Tommy and Grace's wedding. You'd accidentally ripped the dress you were supposed to wear the night before when you'd gotten your arm stuck in one of the sleeves. Now, you were caught between a rock and a hard place; go downstairs and face humiliation, or stay in your room and face Polly. You could tell today was going to be stressful.

  You were legitimately considering cutting off the sleeves of your dress entirely when Polly came bursting into the room without warning.

  "Pol, wait!" you shouted, instinctively holding your arms in front of your head for self-defense.

  "I don't give a shit if you're ready or not, we're going," Polly growled. She grabbed your arm, unknowingly pulling at the rip in your dress. With one strong yank, your aunt had doubled the size of the tear. The two of you froze in shock at the damaged material.

  "𝘑𝘦𝘴𝘶𝘴, (y/n)," Polly muttered.

  "I know, it's awful." you sighed.

  As you stood there, Finn peeked his head into your room. Immediately, he saw your dress and gasped.

  "𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘺 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, (y/n)." Finn chuckled. "What the hell did you do?"

  "Go away!" you shouted angrily. You grabbed one of your shoes and chucked it at your brother, hitting him in the shoulder. He stumbled out of the room laughing.

  You threw yourself face-first onto your bed in utter despair, sighing dramatically.

  "Oh, Pol, this'll be the death of me," you whined, your voice muffled by the covers. Your aunt rolled her eyes as she lit a cigarette.

  "Stop feeling sorry for yourself," Polly spoke. "We'll figure something out."

  It wasn't long before Ada and Esme had made their way upstairs and into your room. The four of you sat in silence, quietly brainstorming. Suddenly, Esme stood up.

  "I've got a dress that might work," she said, and immediately rushed to go fetch it. Your face lit up, and you excitedly hopped off your bed to go with your sister-in-law. Ada and Polly exchanged glances.

  You followed Esme into her and John's old room, where she was digging through her closet.

  "Now, (y/n), you're a bit smaller than I am, so hopefully this won't look too awkward on you," Esme said, tossing clothes in every direction.      

  "Now, if only I could find the damn thing."

  "What's it look like?" you asked.

  "See for yourself," Esme responded, pulling out a green shapeless dress with beaded lace embroidery.

  You gawked at the beauty of the thing; it was an excellent balance of elegance and youth. Not too modest, not too sexy; it was superbly tasteful.

 "Oh my God, Esme, it's perfect." you breathed. 

  "Hurry up and try it on!" she urged, pushing the dress into your arms. With that, she rushed out of her room.

  To your relief, the dress fit perfectly. You barely had any time to show it off to the others before Polly had rushed everyone out of the house and into the cramped car, practically dragging you all by the wrists. 

  The five of you slipped into the chapel quietly as you could. Tommy gave you all dirty looks as you scooted into the pews one by one. 

  "Where the fuck've you been?" Arthur whispered to Polly as she sat down next to him.

  "There was a complication," Polly answered. "Nothing worth worrying about now."

  "Complication my arse. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 one took forever to get changed." John scoffed, pointing his thumb towards you.

  "It wasn't my fault, the dress ripped!" you whined. 

  "It was 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 your fault, (y/n)," Finn added smugly.

  "I swear to God if you three don't 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘵 𝘶𝘱 I'll drag you all home by the ears." Polly threatened under her breath. Nobody had anything to say about your dress after that.

  John grumbled as Grace entered the chapel.

  "Here come the fucking cavalry, late as usual." he griped.

  "I don't get it, why's everyone hate them?" you asked in a whisper.

  "Well, first of all, they weren't supposed to wear their uniforms. Just goes to show they're disrespectful bastards." John whispered back.

  "𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺? That's all it is?" you questioned.

  John sighed as he tried to find the right words for the situation.

  "Listen, (y/n), just stay away from them. Half those men are self-righteous pricks who'll take advantage of you if you give 'em the chance," he warned.

 "Hush." Esme chimed in, squeezing John's hand. "They're exchanging vows."

  Your gaze turned to the men in red uniform as Tommy and Grace stood at the altar. You accidentally locked eyes with a boy who couldn't have been older than twenty. Not sure what to do, you smiled politely at him. To your surprise, he smiled back.

   Your exchange was cut off by the sound of Jeremiah Jesus's voice filling the room.

  "I now pronounce you man and wife." he declared, and everyone in the chapel applauded as Tommy and Grace shared a kiss. You couldn't help but feel a pang of pride as you watched your brother smile at his new wife. There was something magical about the way he was able to just 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘹 in her presence, especially since you couldn't think of another day Tommy wasn't trying to take over Birmingham.

  𝘖𝘩, 𝘛𝘰𝘮, you thought wistfully, 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦?

   Unfortunately, the warmth of the wedding ceremony quickly faded as everyone gathered outside for the family photo. Nearly ten minutes went by as the Shelby clan struggled to organize themselves into a tight group.

   You initially tried to stand behind Polly and Arthur to be near the other women, but that plan quickly failed when you realized you were too short to stand behind either of them. It was a tremendous effort to try to force yourself in between them, and the result left you in a painfully awkward position where you were left standing sideways. The ultimate solution was to have you stand with John's children; you were mortified.

  "Christ, I look like a 𝘬𝘪𝘥," you whined, showing the picture to Finn. The two of you sat together at the base of the stairs in Tommy's house, trying your best to avoid the crowds of people wandering the halls..

  "It's not that big a deal," he said plainly, taking the picture in his hands. "Nobody really cares."

  "It's a big deal to me." you mumbled.

   You could see John and Arthur approaching from a distance. By the looks of it, they'd already gotten their hands on some champagne.

  "Finn. Tommy wants a meeting in the kitchen." Arthur spoke as he passed by.

  "I should probably go with him." Finn sighed as he stood up.

  "Wait, take me with you!" you pleaded, grabbing onto his arm. "I've got nobody else to talk to."

  Finn quickly leaned over the stairs to check if Arthur and John had gone. Once he saw the coast was clear, he turned back to you.

  "Fine. But you shouldn't say anything," he advised.

  "Wasn't planning on it."

  You and Finn had assumed the meeting would be family only, but as you snuck your way into the kitchen you were surprised to find a swarm of Blinders men crowding the room. You instinctively stuck close to your brother, trying your best to avoid bumping into anyone. The two of you slowly hovered towards the center of the room, where the immediate family gathered. There Tommy stood in the midst of it all with a cigar in his hands. 

   "Right. Today is my wedding day." he began, and the room fell silent.

   "Yeah, and you said there'd be no uniforms, Tom." John interrupted, and a few people murmured in agreement.

  "In spite of there being bad blood, I'll have none of it on my carpet." Tommy continued, ignoring John's comment. "For Grace's sake, nothing will go wrong today."

   Tommy began circling the room as he spoke, making sure to lock eyes with every man present.

  "And if any of you fuckers do 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 to embarrass her, kin, cousins, your kids, your horses, 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.."

  Just as he was about to finish his sentence, Tommy noticed you standing there next to Finn. He froze for a moment, then furrowed his brows. You cursed under your breath.

  "What are you doing here?" Tommy asked, but it felt more like an accusation.

   You realized every man in the room had their eyes on you. You shifted uncomfortably.

  "It's a family meeting, isn't it?" you grumbled. "Last I checked I was a Shelby."

   Tommy sighed deeply and rubbed his eyes in annoyance.

  "𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵? I'm glad you're here because there's something I should say." he began. You crossed your arms defensively.

  "You've been wild these past few months, (y/n), don't think I haven't noticed."

  "So?" you scoffed.

  "𝘚𝘰, I won't have any of it tonight. I swear, if I find out you've been drinking, flirting, or doing 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨  that might damage this family's reputation, I assure you that you'll live to regret it. 𝘋𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥?"

  You didn't know how to feel about Tommy's words. In a way, he was right; you'd been drinking more than usual as of late, not to mention fooling around with some of the boys you were going to school with. You didn't understand why that was such a big deal though, especially since you were a saint compared to your brothers. Really, the whole thing seemed unfair.

  "Yeah, I understand." you finally answered. "I'll just spend the night boring myself to death while you boys do whatever you want." 

  "That's the spirit." he shot back.

  "Tommy, what about snow?" Isiah asked from across the room. You silently thanked him for taking the attention off you.

  "There'll be no cocaine," Tommy answered sternly. A few men in the room sighed.

  Tommy took the opportunity to get back to his speech.

  "No sport. No racing. No sucking the petrol out of their cars. You give them 𝘯𝘰 excuses to look down their noses."

  The room was uneasy. Nobody was sure what to think as Tommy stood there, almost desperately trying to talk sense into his men.

  "But the main thing is, you fuckers.." he began.

  "Why are you mad at 𝘶𝘴, Tom?" Finn mumbled.

  "..in spite of provocation from the cavalry.."

  Tommy walked along the line of men standing around him, getting close to Arthur, then John, then Finn, then finally you.

  "..no fighting. 𝘕𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨!" 

  And with that, everyone was sent out of the kitchen.

  The party started slow, and you found yourself wandering around the house aimlessly with nothing to do. Everywhere you went people were already drinking, and a part of you wanted nothing more than to join them. The other, more sensible part remembered Tommy's warning and decided to avoid alcohol for the night. As much as you wanted to piss him off and indulge yourself, you knew getting drunk would only prove that you were irresponsible. 

  Dinner in the great hall was an absolute disaster. You sat between Finn and Ada, who were both caught up in their own conversations. You were starving, and Tommy and Grace had been taking a suspiciously long amount of time to get ready. Even after they'd finally come downstairs, Arthur had to get through his speech before anyone could eat.

  "Now, I'm not one for speeches." Arthur began. The poor man looked like a deer trapped in headlights.

  "Sing then!" John shouted. Esme grabbed his arm wearily.

  "I've got a speech written down here. but it's not everything I want to say." Arthur droned on. You buried your head in your hands.

  "Arthur, just read what we've written down," Tommy said softly.

  "I will, Tom. But first, a few words from the heart." 

  Arthur gently placed the small piece of paper into one of his pockets, then cleared his throat.

   "𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬." Tommy breathed.

   "I'd just like to say that my brother helped me survive hard times. Trouble in my head.."

  As Arthur gave his speech, you noticed Polly staring at a man who sat opposite her. He was older than she was and wore a dark suit that matched his serious expression.

  "Who's that?" You leaned over and whispered to Ada.

  "Kaledin something," she whispered back. "Don't bother talking politics with him, I've already tried."

  Unlike Ada, you weren't interested in having political debates with strangers. Still, there was an air of mystery surrounding the man. Something about him made it impossible to look away, even when he met your eyes with his. You felt a shiver run down your spine.

  Arthur's trainwreck of a speech was eventually cut short by Tommy. You felt bad for your eldest brother, but you were desperate to eat. Polly gave you a disapproving look as you scarfed down your food, but you didn't care; you were too hungry to act like a lady.

  An hour had passed since the food was served, and by then everyone had made their way into the ballroom.

  John and Arthur had set up a boxing area outside with Tommy's reluctant permission. After hovering around Polly for nearly half an hour, you finally gave in and went outside to watch the fights.  

  You were used to seeing your brothers fight, so not much could faze you in the boxing ring. Tonight was different, though. The men had such anger in them as they landed their punches. It was almost disturbing to watch Finn get knocked into the ground by a man in a red uniform.

  "Gruesome, isn't it?" A voice asked from behind you. You turned around to face the very same cavalry boy you'd locked eyes within the chapel. Only now, he was standing a mere foot away from you and the two of you were practically alone.

   "William. Fraser." the young man said, extending his hand.

  You took his hand in yours and shook it. The dim light from the boxing ring illuminated your faces, and you were able to get good looks at each other. To your excitement, not only was he young, he was 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦.

  "(y/n). Lee." you introduced yourself, lying through your teeth. You were done being a Shelby today.

  "Mm. I thought you were a gypsy." William spoke. You raised your eyebrows in amusement.

  "Really? How could you tell?" you asked.

 "It's the dress. Very... 𝘣𝘰𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘢𝘯," he replied.

 "It was a gift, it's not mine," you assured, flattening the dress out. You suddenly felt a pang of self-consciousness.

  "Oh, well it suits you well enough." And with that, William placed his hand on your waist. 

   "What are you doing?" you asked, chuckling nervously. 

  "Enjoying myself."

  He slowly started to pull you into a kiss when you noticed Finn in the boxing ring. Another one of the cavalry boys had landed a particularly heavy blow onto his gut, and he fell onto the ground in defeat. You pushed William away to watch the scene.

  "You know him?" William asked.

  "He's my brother," you responded quietly, not taking eyes off Finn.

  "He fights well enough for a boy his size, I didn't expect him to last as long as he did." William retorted.

  "He's really good, actually. Likes it a lot, too," you said, relaxing as you saw Finn get up and shake his opponent's hand.

  William took the opportunity to pick up where you left off and started to wrap his arms around your waist. You hesitated and stepped back.

  "Wait, we shouldn't. Not in front of them." you gestured towards the crowds of people who were watching the fights.

  "Good point." the young man hummed into your neck.

  You lead William to a fairly secluded area of the gardens. There was a small, wooden bench that was nestled in between some of the bushes that lined the back wall of Tommy's mansion. The two of you sat together; there was an uncomfortable sexual tension between you.

  William kissed you slowly as his hands wandered around your torso. You kept trying to cut him off, but he was persistent. If you would grab his arm, he would use the other one to pull you closer. If you turned away, he would kiss your neck. 

  "William I don't think we should do this," you whispered.

  "Don't worry, love. nobody's around. You won't get in trouble." he assured.

  "𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦, just stop." you pleaded.

  "Relax, I promise I'll make it worth your while.

  With that, you'd had enough. You started smacking your palm against his shoulder, and he finally separated. 

  "𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵? I thought you wanted this!" William snapped.

  "Why didn't you stop?" you asked him with a hurt look on your face. "I was 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 you to stop!"

   "𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯, don't act like you didn't want it. You took me out here for a reason." he countered.

  "I didn't think it would happen so fast!" you shouted.

 William huffed, stood up, then brushed himself off.

  "𝘎𝘺𝘱𝘴𝘺 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩." he spat, then walked away.

  "What the 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 did you call me?" you shot back. "Do you even know who the 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 I am?"

   William froze in place and turned around. He gave you a dark look as he lit a cigarette. The red glow of the tiny embers illuminated his face.

  "My name is (y/n) 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 Shelby." you hissed, and William's expression changed. 

  "You're related to the groom?" he realized.

  "I'm his sister," you spat.

  The young man sighed deeply and ran his fingers through his hair. 

  "𝘚𝘩𝘪𝘵.. I had no idea. Let me make it up to you." he began, but you were already leaving.

  "𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶." you scoffed as you passed him. 

You made your way back to the ballroom, leaving William standing there alone.

 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, you thought, heading straight for a bottle of wine.

#peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fic #shelby!reader #shelby!sister #shelby reader #shelby sister #shelby sis #polly gray #thomas shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby #ada shelby #finn shelby #michael gray

[bettsfic]

Hello Beth! I've got a few hours set aside for brainstorming scenes to go in my outline. This is probably a bit of a silly question, but what do you think works best for brainstorming, like, lying down, sitting at a desk, walking around the living room,... Nothing quite seems to fit and I'm not sure how other people do it?

great question, anon! for my bigger/more complicated ideas, i tend to let them stew for years at a time. like i’ll have an idea, and my brain just unconsciously processes it for however long, and then it goes ping! like a microwave and i sit down and write it. 

but it’s not always like that. sometimes i can’t/don’t want to wait around for years, so i have to speed the process along. for me, the best brainstorming method is talking it out with a friend. usually i don’t even need their input, just someone nodding and smiling (even virtually). i think, putting myself in a position where i have to explain my story to someone else makes me realize i know more about it than i think i do. and if no one is around to talk it out, if i know the person well enough, i pretend i’m talking through it with them by imagining what they’d say in response. it’s surprisingly effective.

most of the time i’m on the other side of these brainstorming conversations. i’m a lot better at helping other people brainstorm than i am brainstorming myself. honestly it’s the thing i’m probably best at, like. as a person. some things i do to help people brainstorm (and what you can ask your brainstorming partner to do for you): 

take notes while they’re talking and give them back so they can see what they’ve been saying

ask prompting questions when they get stuck

offer the occasional idea for them (asking permission first, “would you like my input?” nothing destroys inspiration more than unasked-for advice) 

validate them repeatedly by complimenting the idea, expressing interest, and mirroring their emotions. be an invested audience!

reel them back in if they venture too far out and the plot becomes unmanageable; offer solutions for keeping the story contained and doable

when i’m stuck on specific scenes, i take a nap and usually that helps dislodge my ideas (see: unconscious processing). sometimes i take a walk. mostly the nap thing though. naps are great. really grateful to have a dumb narcoleptic brain that shuts off in one area while still hustling in another. 

if you have your ending planned already, then your list of scenes won’t necessarily be “things that happen” but “things that MUST happen” which will help keep your WIP tightly wound around the conflict. otherwise a story is just stuff happening. so what MUST happen to get your character(s) logically from A to B?

muses are strange and fickle creatures. what works for one project may not work for another, what works one day may not work the next. sometimes you have to force things out the wrong way before you can get them right. sometimes what you put in your outline or scene list doesn’t end up going on the page at all. sometimes you have to set projects down for a while and pick them up later. sometimes you’ll be in the potato chip aisle of the grocery store debating buying cheesy poofs (you should always buy the cheesy poofs) and your WIP will come back and hit you like a truck, and suddenly you know exactly what needs to be done.

#writing advice #dow20 #Anonymous

[tcportfoliomgj]

Wednesday, 9th of June, 2021

"There is really nothing so good for thinking, for clearing your mind, for acquiring fresh, unexpected thoughts than crossing the borders of your homeland." - Jeroen Lutters

So today is the day. Well, technically tomorrow, but I have to hand this portfolio in at 8:00, so that basically means I have to finish and hand it in tonight. Things are a little chaotic. I think I've covered most of the competencies and such, but I still need to do a part of creativity, collaboration and professional challenges. I need to do critical thinking as well (though it's already woven in some other posts too), but I'll do that in another post.

At the start of the year, we had to do a PC with our learning teams. This meant I had to do it with Nynke and Marije. We decided to focus on the ideal classroom and wanted to make a 'guide' for other teachers. I must admit, we didn't always take it that seriously and I would do things differently now. Later, Stijn joined the team and he was able to really add something to our project even though he joined near the end. Our final product was a Padlet (appendix 23), something that I would certainly change if I had to do it now. It's not bad, especially not for a first PC, but I think I would prefer to have a booklet, a neater webpage or a more brochure-like product. Still, I learned a lot from it. I did the research for it and got to practice using databanks and such.

My second PC however, is a lot better in my opinion. It's not finished yet, but I think we might continue this project next year. I worked with Joyce, Marije, Kimberly, Dominique and Eva. Ton was our coach and Bert Wienen our 'client'. But let's take it back to the beginning...

One day, the girls and I started talking about something that was said in a webinar. It was about teachers and whether or not they should also help students with personal problems. At some schools, they keep those things strictly separate. The teacher does the teaching, and everything else is done by other professionals. We found this a little shocking. Sure, teachers aren't psychologists and I don't think they should ever try to be. However, a student's personal life can affect their academic life, so shouldn't we as teachers be there for them to lend an ear and support them? We started questioning what we heard and what we already knew. Pretty soon, the idea formed to make this our PC, but we didn't really know how yet.

We worked on the basics first, like making a group contract (appendix 24) in which we decided on some rules concerning our behaviour, et cetera. Then through Ton, we got in contact with Bert Wienen, as we needed a 'client' for our professional challenge. I've mentioned Bert before, because of his research. I was a bit apprehensive about working with him, because of what he had written and of what he had said in a lecture, but I did want to give it a chance. Together with Ton, we had a brainstorming session. We decided that we could definitely work with Bert, but that we didn't have to focus on labels and diagnoses. We wanted to keep it more general than that because being an involved teacher that coaches also means you want to help everyone with personal problems, not just the ones who are labelled with a certain 'problem'.

We started talking to Bert and quickly came to the conclusion that we already know a lot about what teachers think, but that it's just as important to know what students think. Eventually, we decided that we would conduct preliminary research to help Bert with his research. We wanted to interview students of different ages and focus on student voice. Perception isn't always the same as reality, but it does show us how people experience reality. In fact, the perceptions of students form their views of education and influence their behaviour (Quaglia & Corso, 2017). Because it was preliminary research, we didn't have to worry about all the technicalities. This way, Bert really gave us the opportunity to focus on the interviews.

We made a design canvas (appendix 25) together and started preparing the student interviews. We wrote a project plan (appendix 26), with me taking the lead since I had already had a semester of Project Management when I studied Global Project & Change Management. We also created an interview guideline (appendix 27). This way, we can draw a conclusion from open conversations because in every conversation we have recurring questions. Kimberly and Dominique conducted the interviews on VO, while Joyce did it on PO. We are currently in the process of transcribing all the interviews and we haven't really decided what our final product will be, but we will after the portfolio deadline. We think the conclusion will be that not all students need a teacher to take on a coaching role, but they often do appreciate it. The close proximity of a safe haven isn't the most important, but the knowledge of there being one (Stevens & Bors, 2013, p. 77). We also plan on continuing with this PC next year. Hopefully, we'll be able to take the next steps in our research.

I would say our PC has gone pretty smoothly so far. We communicate quite well and are very honest with each other. We created a space in Microsoft Teams so we could easily share files and work in documents together. Setting up a team collaboration environment can be encouraging and makes it easy to work on a project together (Horine, 2017). We decided that we'd use Whatsapp for daily interactions. Face to face would've been an ideal way to communicate, but because of the pandemic, this was a bit hard. Near the end of the academic year, we were able to work on campus and talk face to face, which made things a lot easier. We used Teams video calls when we weren't able to meet on campus and also to organise meetings with Bert. We'd email him whenever we needed to update him on the project.

I would definitely describe our project group as a 'high-performing team', as Horine (2017) calls it. He says that high-performing teams have a core set of traits. The first trait is clarity. Teams need to know where they are going, what they are going and how they are doing it. I think we had a very clear plan and stuck to it quite well. High-performing teams also show commitment. As a group, we all felt very responsible for this project and wanted to go the extra mile, we were definitely invested and willing to put in the time. According to Horine (2017), the team should also be professional. The members take responsibility and do the assigned work. I think that we, as a team, did handle things professionally. Of course, we would joke here and there, but when we had to get down to business we were always able to get into that mindset. Then there is synergy, the fourth trade. I think this took a while for us, but after some weeks we really started to understand what worked well and who could do what. We started to really use our talents and performed really well as a team. Lastly, there is trust. Trust is of course earned over time, but I think we got to a good level of trust quite quickly. We were honest and open, this way we were able to discuss minor problems and easily work through them. All in all, I think we did really well as a team, and I'm quite proud of us and of our work. I definitely think we showed some courage because interviewing students about a topic like this isn't easy. We focussed on a very relevant topic however and we were very persistent. Sometimes things took a while to move forward, but we never gave up. Something we could improve on might be our focus on a final product, taking more risks and being more self-aware so we could use our talents a little more than we already did.

However, there were also some creative journeys and processes this year that didn't go that well at all. An example of this is the documentary we had to make for Art Based Learning. I wanted to do this alone and my first idea was to make a satirical documentary on the Dutch pluriform society. However, I was very behind on a lot of the work and I tend to be a little impulsive and sporadic. At one point I changed my topic to menstruation because I thought it would be cool to take a taboo topic and turn it into an awesome documentary. But it wasn't easy. I'm not the most structured person, and I easily get stuck during projects because of the simple step by step process. When I think I'm stuck or can't do something, I just block all my motivation to keep going and sometimes give up quite easily. It's not unusual for people with ADHD to struggle with going through a process (Regelink, 2020). Eventually, I was so behind on all the assignments that I decided to admit that I was struggling. I think it's important to not see it as giving up. Admitting that you need help or aren't very good at something can be very hard. Bart very kindly took me under his wings and asked me to join his documentary. He was doing it on a very personal topic but needed someone to conduct research to support his work. I quite like doing research so I was very happy with the job. I found him some news articles and went through government reports for him, highlighting all the relevant information. I will say, I still very much see it as Bart's documentary. Also because he is telling a personal story. I only helped him with the research for it.

I think the beautiful thing about Bart's documentary is that he opens up to all of us to simply tell his own story. His story is not representative of all adopted kids in the world of course, but he also doesn't try to do that. He just tells his own story, while also being aware of the other perspectives out there. The documentary shows multiple sides of a very complex and heavy subject and Bart is respectful of all sides too. His documentary gives to stuff to think about. What's good or bad isn't decided, things just are the way they are, with all the experiences that come with it. He gives you space to just let it all wash over you, you can think about it, take a little while and then form your own opinion. Bart's experience with adoption is not related to the government reports on adoption, but because he still involves it in his documentary you can see that the topic is way bigger than just Bart's story. And still, it's his documentary, his story. It's storytelling in such a beautiful and cool way. Everyone can learn and grow from it.

Another assignment that didn't go too well was the final paper for VMT3 (a history course I took for 'vakinhoudelijke onderwijseenheid'). The course itself went really well. Bas, our lecturer, uses the SALT method, where you basically have an assessment every week instead of at the end of a course. This way, you keep up with the theory learned. Most students start cramming right before an exam, but all that knowledge is very easily lost because of the forgetting curve. Students cram but they never get back to it (Van der Meijden, 2021). I did really well during the weekly oral assessments. I thoroughly enjoy history and I loved Bas' lectures, but VMT3 was only worth 4 EC's, so we had to end it with a final assignment to get to the 5 EC's that we needed. Bas gave us two options, we could either write about the SALT method or write a guide to revolution, using the French Revolution as your example. I chose the latter but my planning wasn't very good. Bas even gave me an extra week, but I wasn't able to finish it. I decided to let it go and hand in my unfinished work (appendix 28) because I had to move on. I'm not very proud of it, especially because I know I can do better and really wanted to do better. We haven't gotten our feedback yet, but Bas did tell us that we passed the oral assessments. I think for me this all adds to my learning journey, some (creative) processes go really well, some not so well. But it shows me that I need to work on my planning skills and my self-discipline.

Still, I think I did fairly well this year, and it also shows in the feedback I've received. A lot of student in TC1 wanted to give each other feedback so we decided it would be a good idea to create a platform where we could do this. I made a Padlet (appendix 29) for our year where we all could give each other feedback if we wanted to. Some students didn't really feel the need to join in this, but some really enjoyed the Padlet and found it quite helpful. I definitely enjoyed reading the feedback people wrote for me.

All in all, I think we've all grown a lot this year. With our creative process, our ability to communicate and collaborate, and just as humans in general. I'm proud of us.

🎵 Riptide - Vance Joy

#collaboration #creativity #communication