#i'm... a bit self-conscious about all the dialogue tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pebblysand · 1 year

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Director's Cut! Way Specific Scene.

i really adore the description in this, because it helps me really visualize it--how harry and ginny are positioned relative to one another, how what they're looking at instead of one another reveals how they are feeling.

I am curious, and you need not answer if you would prefer not to, how you were able to craft this, what your process was, because it seems (forgive me if I'm making bold assertions) like a thing that would be difficult to do given what you've mentioned about how visualization is harder for you than it might be for others.

do you, like, do the actions yourself and then capture each movement in words?

thank you so much for both your amazing writing and your willingness to engage beyond the published text--i feel so very blessed by both aspects of the goddess pebblysand. 🌸

Yeah, this is a super interesting question. This paragraph involved... an embarrassing amount of effort lol. I re-drafted it a number of times haha. It's definitely one those where, generally, *I* don't see anything in that description and I would very happily have moved on without it, but I hear @copper-dust's voice in my head being like: "DETAILS! VISUALS!" so I... yield to the voice in my head lol.

I think I've become more aware of my own limitations in the past year and have, as such, made a conscious effort to adapt. It doesn't mean that I'm changing my style, I'm never going to be a "visual" author, but I can make certain adjustments, you know? This scene could have further details on the colour of the grass and the flow of the waves, and the birds in the sky or whatever, but you're going to have to go someone else's fic to find that cause my brain is incapable, haha. Again, we're making lemonade with the lemons we have, here, you know?

That said, I've noticed I find it easier to generally add visuals at the beginning of scenes (this one and the one with Kingsley and the description of his office earlier in the chapter come to mind) because it's a place where I have mental space to remember to add them, as opposed to later when I'm so focused on the action, dialogue, etc. that it a) wouldn't occur to me and b) would distract me and annoy me as a reader lol. So, usually, every time I get to a new location, I try to force myself to describe it the best I can these days. (Ah, all the sacrifices I make for you, visual people 😅)

To answer your question about my process though, in this case, I just stop and think: how would these people sit? And, so: Ginny would be the kind of girl who sits cross-legged with her skirt over her legs because she wants to look at people when she talks to them. Harry - this is going to sound Very Strange, but I have a whole headcanon from a fic I've started working on but not yet published about the fact that he always sits in a way that make it easy for him to get up and run in one swift-motion. So, he always has at least one foot solidly on the ground, which is the case here. But, if he had both knees up (and feet on the ground), his second leg would be a sort of fence between them, he'd be a lot less relaxed and open towards her with both knees pulled up, which we don't want, because this is a scene where they're having a dialogue.

This conundrum honestly did led me at one point to sitting on the floor of my apartment, trying to find a position for him that worked. Sometimes, I think my neighbours probably think I'm totally cray lol. Then, describing as best as I could, adding in distance (3 or 4 feet cause I'm never bloody sure what a fucking foot is, please adopt metres people!) and light from the sun because it's a hot spring day and I wanted to convey that. She's in the shade because she's not Stupid; I headcanon that Harry's skin is on the "darker" side for a white person (a bit like my own, tbh, is that a self-insert? lmao) and that he tans pretty easily, meaning that he likes to think he never gets burnt, although that is totally Not True. I honestly think about these things too much lol.

Then, their looks are, as you said, also a symbol. She is looking at the castle - which she hates - and he is looking at the water. They're both not looking at each other, though their actual body language is very relaxed and open. That's the contrast I wanted to play with, for obvious reasons as this chapter is very ambivalent.

But, honestly, I almost deleted that paragraph before I published cause it bored me. I'm now glad I didn't, haha.

#castles #asked and answered #aphantasia

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thatlittledandere · 7 years

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Of Course I Dare!

Pairing: Naruko Io/Zaou Ryuu

Summary: “They do say that kisses given in a game of Spin the Bottle don’t count, but I understand if he still doesn’t dare do it–“

Ryuu slammed his hands on the table and loudly exclaimed: “Of course I dare!” No way would the notorious playboy Ryuu Zaou ever let anyone imply he would chicken out of a kiss! He turned to Io with a determined expression, trying to keep up his confidence.

"Let's do it, then!"

Words: 2354

ao3

Kinugawa-senpai’s words from the training camp echoed in Ryuu’s mind (again) as he was getting ready for school. How could he have been so observant!? Okay, so maybe Ryuu did like Io a little more than as a friend. Oh, to hell with it, who was he kidding? Of course he did. Ryuu Zaou, the master of romance, knew a crush when he had one. Which was often.

But he thought he’d gotten pretty good at hiding his feelings for boys. No better teacher than past experiences. (Ryuu remembered all too well the consequences of confessing to Seito-kun in sixth grade and how they had affected his self-esteem, and was glad he was getting over it.) So how in the world had his senpai (or, judging from Yufuin-senpai’s shameless accusations, senpais) noticed? Sure, he and Io hung out a lot and Ryuu was rather open about the appreciation he had for Io and yeah, he got a little touchy every now and again, but the other members of the club didn’t even know he was bi! There should have been no way!

Ryuu shivered at the word “bi” he had used in his head. He was still getting used to this whole “maybe gays are not that gross after all” thing. Unlearning attitudes was hard, even if learning about bisexuality on the internet probably saved his life. Or his emotional well-being at least. After years of intense self-doubt, denial and even loathing he sort of accepted that side of himself now but…

Io was Io! Ryuu’s best friend! Ryuu was used to falling for people quickly, on public transport, or during group projects in school, or festivals, or whatever, but he’d been close to Io for quite some time, so why now? Why somebody he saw every day and had to act platonic with? He was an open person with his heart on his sleeve, dammit! It wasn’t fair!

… Shit. At this rate he’d soon be late again.

Despite the morning’s distracting thoughts, Ryuu’s day went by completely normally. Nobody suspected a thing. He really was good at this. No wonder, having had months of practice. After settling on a seat in their clubroom, Ryuu flipped out his phone to see a received message from his latest conquest.

Yoshiko: Had fun on our date! Let’s meet up again sometime? You COULD even get a kiss ;) maybe

But how would kissing Io feel like? Ryuu looked back to the kisses he had shared with girls before: the tender brushes of lips, the pecks and bites, the play fights with tongues and licking the insides of each other’s mouths. Hands caressing backs and shoulders, light touches on cheeks and playing with the other’s hair.

Ryuu: oh, arent you eager ;)

Awkwardness after failing to read the mood. The occasional teeth clattering, bleeding after a little too forceful biting and unwanted giggles at inappropriate times due to being too damn ticklish. Can’t have the good without the bad or not-so-good.

Yoshiko: Stop teasing. I know you’re even more impatient than I am.

Kissing, especially on the lips, was something Ryuu considered almost sacred. A way to stop them from being scared, sad or annoying, a way to confirm whether there were deeper feelings involved or not, a way to find surprising sides of people. Almost always a pleasant experience. Always different.

Ryuu: got me there :P hbu next saturday? coffee sound good?

But Io was Io. Not only was he a boy, he was also someone Ryuu had known for a long time, who he knew better than anyone else, who he could do anything – or nothing at all – with, and would always have a good time.

Yoshiko: Gotcha! You know where I live, meet me at 7!

Ryuu knew where Yoshiko lived, yes, but he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how she behaved when she first woke up in the morning and and what was the last thing she did before going to bed. He didn’t know what her parents or siblings were like. He didn’t know what type of shampoo she used, if she brushed her teeth before or after breakfast and if she preferred hot or cold water in the shower.

Ryuu didn’t know any of those things about any of the girls he had dated. He didn’t even know those things about his friends. He had never asked.

But if anyone were to ask those mundane, seemingly meaningless details about Io’s life, Ryuu could answer in his sleep. Io was different.

Breaking out of his own world, Ryuu heard his friends discuss meeting at Kurotama bath the next weekend for a slumber party. (Ryuu missed the start of the conversation, but had a strong hunch it was Yufuin-senpai’s idea.) No specific reason needed; just friends hanging out, chilling, maybe playing some games.

“I have a date on Saturday, but if it’s on Friday, I can make it!”

Ryuu: cant wait!

Friday came and Ryuu made his way to Kurotama, where Yumoto somehow managed to convince everyone to gather around the table to play Truth Or Dare. Something about a chance to learn more about each other, Ryuu thought he had said; the room they were in was kind of hot, Io had opened two top buttons on his pajama top and Ryuu was preoccupied with his collar bones and a hint of the chest he already knew was well toned but damn–

“Ryuu?” Io’s voice broke through Ryuu’s thoughts and he really hoped Io hadn’t seen him staring. Ryuu hadn’t even noticed he’d been zoning out. Damn it, this was becoming a bad habit.

“The bottle is already spinning,” Io kindly pointed out. Ryuu turned his head on the bottle, which stopped at Yumoto.

“Yay!” he squealed. “I choose dare!”

“Damn, what can you even ask someone like Yumoto do?” asked Yufuin-senpai and leaned on his arms. “There’s nothing fun in bossing around someone who doesn’t have a sense of shame to begin with.”

Kinugawa-senpai looked at Yumoto seemingly in thought, his hand cupping his chin. “En-chan has a point, Yumoto is a bit of an unexplored territory...”

“Get a passing grade on your next Japanese test,” suggested Io with a completely straight face. Even Ryuu couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not; it was a ridiculous dare but, knowing Io… He might even mean it.

Yumoto huffed in exasperation. “Aah, Io-senpai, that’s so boring!”

“And aren’t dares supposed to be acted out immediately?” asked Kinugawa-senpai. “Plus, we’ll have no way of making sure he actually does it.”

“True. Hey Yumoto, I dare you to make up a believable excuse for me to ditch this chick next Monday!” was Ryuu’s input.

Yumoto smiled cheerfully and answered without blinking: “Tell her you have a family emergency! She can’t say no to that!”

“Sweet, thanks! Let’s hope she won’t ask for details”. Ryuu didn’t like standing girls up and he liked lying even less, but he had two dates on Monday and had to prioritize. This one was kind of annoying and draining company anyway.

Ryuu didn’t see Yufuin-senpai’s face, he was typing a message, but senpai sounded taken aback. “Eh, you’d think Yumoto had done this before.”

“… I don’t think I want to know,” said Io. With the voice Ryuu knew well, the one that told he really didn’t want to know. Strange how even that sort of voice could sound so endearing coming from Io.

“Me neither,” said Kinugawa-senpai. “Let’s just spin the bottle again.”

Yumoto spun the bottle, and the whole club kept their eyes on it intently until it eventually stopped.

“It’s Io-senpai!”

“I choose truth. I don’t want to embarrass myself,” said Io. Ryuu, who knew what a private person Io was, felt a rush of pride for his best friend for finally trusting their other friends enough to be willing to reveal something – and maybe a little jealousy that he wasn’t the only one he trusted anymore. But then again, none of others could ever have such a strong bond with him, and Ryuu was happy about that. He knew it was selfish, but wasn’t liking someone a little selfish in the first place?

“Right, is there something in your life you especially regret?” asked Yufuin-senpai.

Io averted his eyes from him and – did he just shot the quickest glance at Ryuu? In any case, he suddenly looked a lot more self-conscious.

“My preteen years were… not the proudest.” He spoke, now apparently making a point of not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I tried really hard to blend in with the adults and make them take me seriously by using expressions and vocabulary uncharacteristic to someone my age and by being overly serious and assertive about everything, even when I didn't really know what I was talking about. In retrospect, I was only making a fool out of myself.”

“Is that the eighth grade syndrome…?” commented Atsushi.

“People do call it that, yes.”

Ryuu snorted, and immediately felt bad after seeing Io flinch the tiniest bit. Oh no. Now he hurt him. Io confided in them all and told something he was embarrassed about and his best friend laughed at him. When would Ryuu ever learn to control himself…

“Okay, I get why you would think that’s sort of uncool,” he started quickly, aiming to relieve the tension, “But you knew all those fancy words when you were real young! It’s just one more proof of your intelligence!” He was glad to see Io untense a little.

After that, the game continued like a game of Truth and Dare usually goes, everyone making up equally stupid dares (Kinugawa-senpai had to stuff ten marshmallows into his mouth and say all their names) and learning more truths about each other (Yufuin-senpai admitted to sometimes singing on his free time but wouldn’t give a sample).

Then the moment Ryuu had been waiting for with both fear and excitement came and the bottle stopped at him. He immediately announced he’d be choosing dare, and shot the others a wide, confident grin, daring them to bring it on. God, he had been waiting to show what he was made of!

His grin melted when he saw the way Kinugawa-senpai was looking at him like he had an evil masterplan. Yufuin-senpai shot Kinugawa-senpai a look that clearly conveyed the message “don’t”, but he pointedly ignored it. How characteristic, his “dark side” was emerging…

“Very well. I dare you to kiss Io.” The devious grin from the training camp made a reappearance, much to Ryuu’s dismay. "On the lips."

“What!” Ryuu yelped. He felt his face heat up and turned to look at Io, who looked positively scandalized. They just wouldn’t catch a break tonight, would they…

“Ki… Kinugawa-senpai, it would be too improper to force Ryuu to do something this… intimate against his free will! This is a game where he is in no position to refuse, it’s unfair!”

“Maybe,” admitted Kinugawa-senpai, sounding to Ryuu like he was trying to sound like he might have regretted it. Which he obviously didn’t. “They do say that kisses given in a game of Spin the Bottle don’t count, but I understand if he still doesn’t dare do it–“

It sounded like Kinugawa-senpai was about to continue, but he didn’t get a chance to do so. Ryuu slammed his hands on the table and loudly exclaimed: “Of course I dare!” No way would the notorious playboy Ryuu Zaou ever let anyone imply he would chicken out of a kiss! He turned to Io with a determined expression.

“Well…” Ryuu chuckled, trying to keep up his confidence, and gulped. “Let’s do it, then!”

It… Wasn’t what he was expecting. Not at all, and Ryuu wasn’t sure how to feel about it. There were no fireworks, no explosions in his heart or brain, it didn’t feel like the world around them disappeared or like they were floating through time and space. Nothing like the big getting together in a romance movie or manga.

Ryuu had just done what he usually did: approached slowly, making sure what he was doing was alright; looked at Io’s eyes and lips in turns under his own gradually closing eyelids; noted what Io seemed to be feeling about all of this (he read Io well and was quite confused about what he found; he thought Io had looked somehow… Expecting? Maybe even excited? Hopeful? Unbelieving?? Why?) and finally closed his lips around Io’s lower one, closing his eyes entirely and moving his lips. (For his great relief, Io returned the kiss.) Nothing unusual. Yet this wasn’t like the other times - not only because his partner was of the same gender and Ryuu’s very favorite person.

It was not magical or phenomenal, just natural. Like this was how things were supposed to be, like this was something they had been supposed to be doing for so long. The surrounding world or their friends didn’t disappear: Ryuu was still aware of their presence, he just found himself not caring. He didn’t feel like he was ascending to the Heavens; actually, he felt even more in touch with everything and more present in the moment. This was, on some fucked-up level, his natural habitat. He belonged there, and didn’t want to let go.

But in order to not blow his cover, he had to. Keeping this up any longer could be weird. So, trying his hardest to act natural and nonchalant and not show his reluctance, Ryuu ended the kiss. Only centimeters away from his face, Io opened his eyes slowly and stared at Ryuu blankly, his gaze hazed and unfocused. Ryuu had never seen Io this out of it, and although his own mind wasn’t at its sharpest either and his emotions flew all over the place, he felt a strange sense of pride for being responsible for it.

It was even better when Io’s face broke into a wide, content smile. And if Ryuu’s ability to read Io was still there, several of the emotions the kiss had made him feel were mutual.

Maybe he would have to do some inventory on his calendar app.

#boueibu #ioryuu #ship captain atsushi #aka my favorite ioryuu trope lmao #fucck dammit i've had this incomplete for ages like it's ridiculous #i'm... a bit self-conscious about all the dialogue tbh #i don't write it all that much (i think?)#but nah i'll probably get over it eventually #or be even more 'ew cringe' the futre will tell #this got a lot longer than anticipated??#i mean my usual fic is like somewhere around a thousand words how did this more than double #((filler that's how))#((i gave myself the permission to add stuff not directly serving the plot as a pacing tool and build-up))#anyway what is #what is coherent causation and structure #this feels like it's just some pieces violently slammed together with no coherent plot or goal or anything #i had a point i swear #i just #fuck i #i must have dropped it officer i swear i have it #my stuff

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