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brookes-thompson · 2 years

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ONE NIGHT IN THE BALLET

LILY (BLACK SWAN) X READER

(SELF INDULGENT SMUT BC THERE IS NONE)

(and i didn't proofread this because i didn't want to.. might revise eventually)

It was an arguably short walk from your apartment to the Lincoln Center. That was if a short walk included a 10 mile subway ride and then a few miles of walking. To be fair, it wasn't' every day you get offered a job at the New York City Ballet company. Even if that role was just a personal assistant to the choreographer, it was a big deal for you. A fresh start in New York.

Holding two full trays of coffee was like walking on needles. A mochachino for Justin, a vanilla bean coffee for Alexandra, an expresso for Lily, etc. Something about the name Lily just made sense to you. It felt right. And that's when it hit you. Literally.

The cups flew to the ground, staining your white blouse and the carpet with coffee. Your first day and you already fucked it up, you thought. A short figure with a tight bun, a purple leotard, leg warmers, and sunglasses on immediately ran to your assistance.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry- I'm really clumsy sometimes for a ballerina. The hangover definitely doesn't help either." The woman spoke as she helped grabbed the cups. "Oh shit- you're Leroy's new assistant. Oh fuck, he'll kill you... You know what? Let's go get some more. This never happened." She whispered in your ear before helping you up.

"And why would I take a ride with a stranger." You joked.

"I'm not a stranger. The name's Lily." She took off her sunglasses, revealing her bright eyes. "There I am!" She points to a huge poster hanging over the elevators. A slender figure doing an arabesque was being held by a man with the words SWAN LAKE bolded. Of course, the star of the show ruined your day and was already starting to fix it. "Now that you can trust me, let's go!"

She grabbed your hand and bolted out of the room. There was something exciting and inciting about her. It was fresh and new. Something you never felt in your old city. Things almost felt as if they were in slow motion. It was fate you met her that morning.

"Well, stranger, do you have a name or am I just supposed to call you the beautiful girl with the stained blouse?" Lily asked, still holding onto your right hand. She slightly batted her eyelashes but you couldn't tell if she was flirting or messing around.

"Oh, well, it's um (Y/N)" You responded, though beautiful girl with the stained blouse worked just fine for you.

"Okay (Y/N)" she dragged out, "let's get on the god damn subway and get some more coffee!"

You learned a lot about Lily that day. How long she had been dancing, how she developed heterochromia, and why she had moved to New York. She wasn't currently dating anyone and has a white cat named Poppy. Her mom left when she was 5 and her sisters practically raised her. At that point, you forgot about the coffee and just decided to hang out with Lily at her apartment.

"Listen, I promise I'm not a psychopath. I'm just a ballerina." The brunette chuckled to herself, buzzing herself up. "I can take a day off if I want. And you can too. I fucked the man for Christ's sake. He owes it to me."

"You fucked Leroy?!" The hallway seemed to get smaller and smaller. Floor 10, Suite One. She opened the door to a wide area, bigger than you could afford.

"Listen, (Y/N)" she whispered and leaned closer to your ear, "I'm not into him like that."

You tensed up. Were you angry she had hooked up with your boss? You couldn't have been. You only knew the ballerina for a day. She was so beautiful though. She needed to be yours. You wanted to be hers. Y/N get out of your head!

"Why do you want out of your head?" she looked baffled, "Oh my god were you imaging me going down on him! (Y/N) you whore!" she jokingly shoved you.

"No- No I-"

"No need to be embarassed. It's just sex. I mean, I could go down on you if you wanted me to." Lily chuckled.

"Wha- No I- I mean, sure?" Your face heated up like wild fire. Nobody had ever offered you meaningless sex. And in such a nonchalant way.

Her face lit up, "You know what, I was kinda joking but I'm horny, bored, and you're a cool enough person. Let's do this" She grabbed your hand and pulled you towards her bedroom. The brunette let her hair down and pulled you in by your waist.

She smelled of vanilla and lavender. She was fragile and small, but beautiful. You barely had time to reassess before she landed her lips on yours. Small movements at first. Her bottom lip going in and out of yours, with synchronicity that only would've happened in a dream. Her tongue hit yours, almost begging for you to surrender. Lily's cold hands traveled up your body, ripping off your stained blouse and pushing you onto the bed. She pulled back.

"Wow..."

"Just fucking kiss me again, Lily"

The brunette pulled your hair back, releasing a small moan from the back of your throat. She attached her lips to the nape of your neck, slowly adjusting herself before she found that sweet spot you craved for her to kiss. Lily stopped at each nipple, slowly sucking and pinching the two. Each moan and groan only made her want you more. Your hands intertwined in her hair as she slowly kissed down your body. She left small hickeys on your stomach in the shape of a heart and traced them with her finger.

"Now you won't forget about me."

"I wasn't planning to."

"You won't"

Lily headed lower and lower, pulling down your pants. She was drawing shapes gently with her fingers up your thighs. Slowly planting soft, sweet kisses all the way up before she stopped at your vagina, slowly running her finger down the clothed outer lips. You moaned, softly affirming Lily's next move. She pulled your underwear down to your feet.

"So, so pretty" she whispered, licking her middle and ring fingers. Lily looked up at you for reassurance, and you nodded. She stuck her two fingers in, slowly as possible.

"Fuck- Lily keep going. Yes, oh god." You moaned as the brunette slid her fingers in and out of your vagina. Curling them, so perfectly, just so they could hit the right spot.

"We haven't even got to the fun part" She said, lightly licking your cunt before immediately pulling back. "That's the fun part"

She continued to softly lick all around your vagina, focusing mainly on the clit. Her fingers still pumping inside of you. You were a moaning mess. Simple strokes with her tongue would drive you insane.

The kitten licks and small kisses combined with her limber fingers pumping inside of you drove you insane.

"Please Lily- Oh god I'm gonna-"

"Cum for me, slut"

You let everything go in that orgasm. It was freeing. The most sexual experience you've had in months, years even. Maybe ever. Lily pulled her fingers out and licked off the juice remaining. She inched her way back up and kissed you, before leaning in your ear.

"You taste so fucking good"

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transsexualhamlet · 3 years

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Sherlock Holmes Reactions As A Flaming Homosexual (part 5 lmao)

Again I will be putting this shit under the cut because it's gonna be So Long and also fair warning for sherlock is in fact a raging drug addict and I have a lot of yknow parts that talk about that so tread with caution but hi i am once again yelling. keep in mind i am deliriously ill while writing this one but i think i sound. just about as insane as usual. maybe it's a bit less organized tho lol

OK FIRST I WILL STATE IT SOMEHOW DID NOT COME TO MY ATTENTION FIRST READING SIGN OF FOUR THAT WATSON APPARENTLY F U C K S

like i think it's so funny that most people will look at those two and definitely think it's the other way around but no. sherlocks a virgin and watson has had sex with every woman ever and probably not limited to women

and another thing I somehow missed the first time around in sign of four. sherlock sherlock please honey this is serious get help

THREE TIMES A GODDAMN DAY???? SHERLOCK I AM BEGGING YOU TO STOP HOW IS THIS MAN ALIVE

Funniest thing is that watson tells him to stop and hes like Watson i Only do drugs when the Newspaper is boring

is the newspaper boring three times a day sherlock. is it really

And at the same time sherlock checks the paper like a goddamn phone notification he'll just run out and get the latest version to see if anything's changed just like on the hour. Wow that man is not neurotypical.

poor watson tbh

why are these men just batshit fucking insane I love them

So yeah back to some random funny bits i got from reading a ton of the short stories

Ok i must say it's quite funny just my experience being either reading something about sherlock and watson and going awww they're in love or just violently yelling S H E R L O C K

Cause i was like reading a bit where watson was talking about how he was on a nice little walk with sherlock, you know, the kind of walk where no one talks but it's really comfortable and you know only people who know each other Very Intimately like him and sherlock are that well together and i was just like aww

And then three seconds later I'm laughing my ass off about "how did you know my name" "IT WAS ON YOUR HAT"

SDHFDHHDFHFDS AND ALSO THAT TIME WHEN SHERLOCK JUST COMPLETELY GODDAMN MISREAD A SITUATION AND MADE UP THIS CONSPIRACY ABOUT LIKE A SECRET HUSBAND WHOS DEATH HAD BEEN FAKED AND THEN IT WAS JUST OH NO MY KID'S BLACK WHATEVER SHALL I DO

AND BECAUSE HE WAS SO EMBARASSED ABOUT IT HES LIKE WATSON IF I EVER MAKE UP SOME DUMB SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN FEEL FREE TO CALL ME A FUCKING IDIOT and wow thats the most humble thing hes ever done

And then he starts saying shit like "i hope your marriage doesn't change anything between us" like damn shawty what is that supposed to mean /homosexual

I also love how bc watson is the only one writing it when sherlock is talking about something that happened to him in the past with quotes and stuff there's just like seven fucking quotation marks around each other im dying

SGBDFSNNDSGNSFNFDSDFS I THOUGHT THE SHOOTING THE WALL THING WAS A YUUMORI SPECIFIC THING NO HE JUST DOES IT FOR FUN AND NOT JUST ONCE LIKE HE MAKES ART OUT OF THE FUCKING BULLET HOLES HE WAS MAKING BULLET HOLE ART OF QUEEN VICTORIA PLEASE IM CRYING AND HUDSON WAS LIKE STOP??? SHOOTING THE WALL??? AND HES LIKE SHAWTY IM ALMOST DONE CALM DOWN

And when they make him clean his goddamn room im losing my mind why does he keep random shit from his old cases "in case it comes in handy" and "to remember that time i solved that thing" i am going to throw marie kondo at you

BASFBGHDFSHGFHFSDHHDSFDS IM NOT EVEN SURPRISED THIS HAPPENED BUT ITS SO FUNNY WHEN HE JUST GOT SO HYPERFIXATED ON A CASE THAT HE JUST FUCKING. WORKED ON IT 15 HRS A DAY FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN GOT SO EXHAUSTED AND SICK THAT WATSON HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HIM AND TAKE HIM TO THE SEASIDE TO GET BETTER LIKE HE GOT VICTORIAN WOMAN DISEASE AND SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY FUCKING GOT MURDERED RIGHT NEXT DOOR AND WATSONS JUST LIKE. HHHHHHHHHHH FINE I SUPPOSE YOU JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF AGAIN ALL THIS IS FOR NOTHING IM TRYING SO GODDAMN HARD

I feel so bad for him, hes just trying so hard to keep this idiot alive and it is Not Working

Ok so like this is something Im still absolutely reeling over because it's like. it doesn't even seem real to me but the fact that Sherlock has multiple times just like gone to watson's house in the middle of the night, climbed up his goddamn wall and into his window, been like "you better not be busy" and started Talking

Like. Man's in his nightgown and just sees this fucker climbing in the window like "WATSON WATSON YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND" and not just that. he's like "I only came in because you don't fucking sleep with your wife and it appears that you don't have any men in here either so I thought it was ok" LIKE ONE, WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN SHERLOCK WHY WOULD HE HAVE OTHER MEN IN HIS BEDROOM SEHGIHO:EWOHO:GHE BUT TWO, WHYYY ARE THEY GAY

He didn't even fucking ask or say he was gonna do that no watson just has no clue when hes gonna show up and start remarking upon watson's appearance what even. homosexuals

Sherlock honestly just baffles me sometimes.

Oh, also, I read the one with Mycroft in it, and wow, is the man just as boring as he is in yuumori. That's just hilarious that sherlock is this absolutely insane man and then in contrast his older brother Pays Money to Sit In A Completely Silent Room and Read The Paper

It's so funny how he's like. Straight up even smarter than sherlock but no one gives a shit about him because he just. Is so fucking boring and antisocial

Like, we don't know anything about Sherlock's childhood but like. Part of me wants to think that it must have been absolutely insane and then Mycroft's rebellious stage was to just be fucking boring. Like. I would believe that. Just imagine that

I am going to make the final problem stuff its own post just cause I went absolutely insane over it but yea this was certainly an experience

#rowan views moriarty #rowan's hyperfixation essays #sherlock holmes #help lol

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confused-android · 4 years

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Day 13, Todd - Family

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Amanda: hey, what time are you showing up at mom and dad's on tuesday? (7:02PM)

Todd: For what? Why would I go to their house? (7:05PM)

Amanda: …for hannukah? they sent out the invite three weeks ago, asshole. check your fucking email (7:10PM)

Todd switches apps on his phone and opens his Gmail account. The only things in his inbox are bills and spam. He looks in his spam folder, and even checks his agency account, just in case they had, for some reason, found that email address and sent him an email there.

Nothing.

He searches both accounts for his mom's email address, and finds only the last email she'd sent him, before all of this shit went down. Before he'd told Amanda the truth, and she'd told their parents. Before he was on the FBI's Most Wanted list for almost three months. Before they opened the agency.

From: Debora Brotzman <[email protected]> Date: 4/8/16 2:14 PM To: Todd Brotzman <[email protected]> Subject: Visiting Mandy?

Hey sweetie, it's MOM. Mandy said she's feeling better this week – are you going to visit her? Call me when you get there, if you can! :-) Dad found a place to give him an interview, even with his knee, so send him some love and prayers! :-) I miss you, you're doing great.

Love, MOM <3 (Mandy says this is a heart, but in case you can't tell, imagine I put a heart there!)

He hadn't called her on that visit – all of his attention was taken up by Dirk, and it felt weirdly vulnerable to call his mother in front of some weird stranger. After that visit to Amanda, he'd been a little too busy to call her during the Patrick Spring case, and then he was afraid calling her would be trackable, and would bring the FBI down on his and Farah's heads. And since getting back to Seattle… Well, he's tried calling his parents a few times, and sent them an email over the high holidays, but they haven't responded.

He knows why, but it's just been easier to pretend that they were busy, to let Amanda send him occasional messages when she visited home, to imagine that they just… hadn't gotten around to responding to his lengthy apology email.

That strategy doesn't seem to be possible, here.

Todd: No email. (7:43PM)

Amanda: you sure? (7:44PM)

Todd: Yeah. (7:46PM)

Amanda doesn't respond and Todd slumps back into the couch, rubbing a hand over his face. This was… this was utterly predictable. He knew this was coming as far back as Amanda's first Pararibulitis attack, and this is what he knew would happen if they ever found out, and he can't pretend that they're just busy any more. He hasn't been invited home for the family Hanukkah celebration. He's not family any more.

This is the natural consequences of his actions, and he isn't even sure if he deserves to feel miserable.

Fuck.

Why does this suck so much? It's not like he was close with them, anyway. Not for a lack of effort on his parents' behalf, of course. That last email from his mom is typical. Just that it's hard to want to spend time with people you hurt, you're hurting, even if they don't know it. He kept hanging with Amanda because she needed him, and he needed to keep trying to make up for how shitty he was, but there was no way that he could ever save up enough to pay his parents back for years of – of stealing from and lying to them. So spending time with them, talking to them beyond occasional five minute phone call and a yearly awkward hanukkah gathering, never really happened.

Does this even matter? Should it matter?

Of course it matters. It's a punishment from his parents, for being awful to them. He's supposed to feel like shit.

Well, that's successful, then.

Dirk and Farah are out at some kind of trivia night thing, and Todd is honestly kind of relieved. He's not sure if he can handle them right now. Not in a bad way. Just that, Farah wants to be comforting but isn't ever really sure how, and Dirk is sure that he knows how to be comforting but rarely succeeds, and Todd always has to pretend that he feels very comforted by whichever of them has drawn the short straw to hang out with him when he's miserable, and he doesn't really feel like pretending right now.

His phone dings.

Amanda: i texted mom. (8:12PM)

Todd: …? (8:14PM)

Amanda: she said it wasn't an accident (8:20PM)

Todd: I figured *shrug emoji* (8:22PM)

Amanda: i feel kind of weird about this, tbh? (8:24PM)

Amanda: like, i'm still pissed at you, but you know that, and we're working on it (8:24PM)

Amanda: and i told mom that and she said that you emailed her for yk and apologized and that she didn't respond (8:24PM)

Amanda: and that sounds shitty of her? (8:25PM)

Amanda: but also you were shitty (8:26PM)

Amanda: like, really shitty (8:26PM)

Todd: I know that. I was shitty. And she doesn't have to respond to me. (8:27PM)

Amanda: it just feels weird bc she's our mom (8:31PM)

Todd: Yeah. (8:32PM)

Todd: I'm… having some feelings about it. (8:32PM)

Amanda: well i guess i'm proud of you for having feelings? idk (8:33PM)

Amanda: do you want me to not go? (8:37PM)

Todd: No! (8:37PM)

Todd: No, no. Go spend Hanukkah with mom and dad. I'm bummed, but I'll be fine. (8:37PM)

Todd: I'll try emailing them again next Yom Kippur, I guess. That always seemed to mean something to dad. (8:39PM)

Amanda: that could work (8:40PM)

Amanda: idk (8:40PM)

Todd: I don't know either, if it helps. This sucks, but I knew it was coming, I guess. (8:42PM)

Amanda: :/ (8:45PM)

Todd: :/ (8:46PM)

Todd drops his phone on the coffee table and stands up, shoves his hands through his hair, and sits right back down. Then he stands up again, because while he has no idea what to do with himself, he at least wants to not know what to do somewhere other than the couch. He looks in the fridge without taking anything out of it, contemplates and rejects the idea of a shower, and then grabs the pipe and lighter from his dresser and climbs out the kitchen window and on to the fire escape. He leans up against the side of the building and shivers as a gust of December air hits his neck and seeps in through the fabric of his hoodie.

"Fuck," he says, voice lost in the night, and cups the bowl in one hand and lights it with the other. He takes a long inhale. The smoke floods his lungs and he tops it off with clean, cold air, then holds the breath for a beat before exhaling. He lets the smoke drift away and sits with the scent lingering in his nose before taking a second hit, and then a third. He taps the ash out through the grate next to him, shoves the pipe and lighter back into his hoodie pocket, and thumps his head back against the brick.

It's hard to not feel like a complete piece of shit when your parents have disowned you. Like, the people who are supposed to love and care for you no matter what just don't want to see you for the holidays? That's pretty bad.

He knows that it's not like he doesn't deserve it – he did a horrible thing. Like, a really horrible thing. The kind of thing that gets you disowned by your parents. But it… it really sucks. This whole situation sucks. And it's a situation he made, which means that he sucks.

It's cold outside. Not quite freezing, but not that far above it, either, and his hoodie isn't quite cutting it. He doesn't go inside, though. If he goes inside, he'll check his phone and reread the conversation with Amanda, and have to start thinking about it all over again. So he just stays on the fire escape, buries his chin in the collar of his hoodie, and tries to think about anything other than his parents choosing to ignore him, and not see him for the holidays.

"Fuck," he says again. And that seems to sum it up.

Todd loses track of how long he spends on the fire escape, but it's long enough that he's not really cold any more, just trembling slightly, when the door to the apartment bangs closed.

"Shit," Dirk swears, his voice drifting through the window. "It's bloody freezing in here."

"The window's open," Farah adds, baffled, and then says, "Todd?"

"Todd!" Dirk echoes, his voice a little louder than hers.

"I'm out –" Todd coughs, then tries again. "I'm out here! Sorry!"

He can hear some bustling and movement from inside, and then a long leg sticks through the open window and taps around, looking for the floor, and is then quickly followed by a body. Dirk steps out of the way for Farah, who is altogether more graceful when exiting the building, and they both look down at him, separate expression of confusion on their faces.

"Why are you out here?" Dirk asks bluntly.

Farah shakes her head and puts on hand on Dirk's shoulder, asks, "how long have you been out here?"

Todd shrugs. "Maybe since nine? I'm not sure. What time is it?"

"It's almost ten," Farah says, and crouches down in front of him. "What the hell, Todd?"

"I'm sorry," he says, too tired to really get riled up, or even defensive. "I didn't know what time it was. I left my phone inside."

"Will you, um. Come inside now?" Farah tries, and looks up at Dirk for back-up. Dirk has a funny expression on his face, though, and steps around both of them. He sinks to the floor next to Todd and wiggles up close, until they're pressed together at the shoulder and hip. "Dirk!" Farah exclaims.

"Come on," Dirk says, and gestures to the floor on the other side of Todd. She opens her mouth like she's going to object again, but then something on Todd's face, or on Dirk's face, seems to speak to her, and she scoots back a bit and tips off her heels and down to sitting. Farah holds still for a long moment, steeling herself with a deep breath, then presses against Todd's other side. The brick at his back and the metal grate under his ass are still cold, but his two best friends are warm on either side of him. For a moment, at least, he feels like he has family.

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Link to: day one, Farah - Youth day two, Farah - Dance day three, Farah - Gore day four, Farah - GNC fashion day five, Farah - AU day six, Farah - Family (to be written) day seven, Farah - Pride (to be written) day eight, Todd - Youth (to be written) day nine, Todd - Dance (to be written) day ten, Todd - Gore day eleven, Todd - GNC Fashion day twelve, Todd - AU

prompt list

#dghda #dirk gently #DGHDAtober #todd brotzman #family #marijuana use #sad Todd #h/c? i guess?#sorry todd #but you definitely did this to yourself #fanfiction #my fic

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cs-discourse · 5 years

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here we go

https://cs-discourse.tumblr.com/post/179953845684/uuuuwuu-every1-whos-concerned-abt-biased-judging

ok this attitude has been pissing me off long enough that it's time for one of my Big Ole Posts (tm) about how shitty this is! thanks.

uuuuwuu every1 whos concerned abt biased judging in comps is just soooow entitled !!!1 i cant bewieve ppl wouldnt want some1 whos literally explicitly stating at this point that they trust their friends more to "demonstrate dedication to the character" they assign to a design to b an influence in judging comps !!!!!11 bc artists Never weigh in on other artist's comps, so obviously thes ppl just want fwee merc designs !!!1!!1 also my last braincell just died pleas h

so here's the og post in question for quick reference

i honestly have no idea why people keep bringing up this idea of bias in judging competitions because, while i do think there is a type of bias that certainly exists, i think a lot of so-called "bias" that people have is ... not whatsoever like what people think it is lol. artists are people and there's always going to be SOME kind of bias no matter what you do, because it's literally fuckin impossible to NOT be biased. by that i mean:

your taste in plots/types of characters/medias influence your judging

quality of writing or art can influence your judging

the person who's applying for the adopt you may have previous judgement about

even if you say you aren't biased, you STILL have preferences and tastes in things that you prefer more than others, which in of itself is a kind of bias

people who know you (friends for example) will naturally know what your taste is.

a competition is judged based on what form the artist thinks is best, right?

NEWSFLASH EVERYONE'S IDEA OF "WHAT'S BEST" IS DIFFERENT FROM PERSON TO PERSON ..... "BEST" is literally the most subjective thing there is, and while i agree that there are certain aspects of art and writing that you can use as objective measurements of tangible skill, it's... still subjective. what people think is "best" will vary from person to person because we all have different tastes. so, essentially, this boils down to the idea that the winner of an adopt competition will ALWAYS be the form the artist liked best, because that is what the artist perceives as best. so like. when people appear biased in adopt competitions towards friends or certain circles, it's probably because they're literally friends because they have similar tastes in things, and therefore the form the artist likes best is naturally going to be from someone who shares similar tastes.

so whenever i hear about """bias""" in competitions i just kind of roll my eyes tbqh because it's usually followed by complaints of "BUT I PUT IN SO MUCH EFFORT" or "I WROTE SO MUCH MORE THAN THE WINNER" uhhhh. if adopt contests were won by effort alone it wouldn't be a contest, it'd be an endurance test lol. literally just "who has the most time to waste writing out 60000k words of absolute meaningless fluff"... because, i hate to break it to you, but ANYONE can write 5000 words of mindless drivel that has literally no substance to it.

now in caps for emphasis. takes a deep breath

THERE IS NO SKILL NEEDED TO BLOAT YOUR WORD COUNT.

YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW HOW TO WRITE WELL TO WRITE 5000 WORDS.

YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW HOW TO TYPE AND PUT SENTENCES TOGETHER.

quality > quantity, always. like, i'm sorry you put in so many hours of effort but, those people who win with MUCH smaller wordcounts... did they not work to get as good as they did with writing? you put in 5 hours into one tryout. but others, take me for example: i have been writing for over 10 bloody years. i've worked hard to improve my writing, so you can't tell me i "didn't put in as much effort" as you because i did. i put in YEARS of work to get better so doing simple things would take me LESS time now. inb4 IT'S UNFAIR! dude, the literal definition of a contest is for the best to win. it wouldn't be a contest if it wasn't like that lol. it'd just be charity. what you should be doing instead of complaining about it is ASKING FOR CRIT and WORKING TO IMPROVE like a good sport? i get that it's discouraging but you should be prepared to lose when you join a contest. it's valid to be upset about but the moment you say you deserve it more than others JUST because of your effort, then i have a problem.

and you know, there's gonna be times where i think a comp winner is objectively less skilled than other tryouts. honestly i just kind of shrug that off on account of different taste lol. sometimes that's just how it be, bc of those predetermined biases i mentioned before, and maybe a judge and i are just in completely stages of life so what i call quality might not appeal to the judge. that's also fine. anyway this really got off on a tangent but i'm leaving it in bc i think it needs saying. back to the og post

> i cant bewieve ppl wouldnt want some1 whos literally explicitly stating at this point that they trust their friends more to "demonstrate dedication to the character" they assign to a design to b an influence in judging comps !!!!!11

wtf didn't i address this in a different post

here let me link it for you

https://cs-discourse.tumblr.com/post/179841459154/post179838988303-the-difference-is-that-you-have

which was replying to this: https://cs-discourse.tumblr.com/post/179838988303/179837734509-idk-anon-i-kinda-agree-with-the

i said it once but i'll say it again: artist entries aren't main adopts lol. people don't work for artist entries. all you fucking do is post on one like "can i have this pls" .. there is... no effort put into that lol. main adopts you WORK for. it's a CONTEST. claiming an artist entry is NOT a contest. if a bunch of little nasty gremlins come running up to me like a hungry horde trying to be the first one to claim my design, i think giving friends first pick is COMPLETELY FINE, BECAUSE WHAT DID ANYONE ELSE DO TO "DESERVE" THAT DESIGN? nothing. you did. nothing. you're literally coming here with this attitude that NOT GIVING THINGS AWAY TO STRANGERS FOR FREE SOMEHOW EQUALS BIAS? i literally do not understand your logic whatsoever. like. i'm trying really fucking hard. at least with main adopts the "payment" is the effort you put in trying to answer the artist's prompt. i know i sound super dumb repeating myself but i don't know how much simpler i can make this concept tbh

and this is EXACTLY why i say ya'll are fucking entitled because merc and any of the kal artists could be making REAL $$$$ selling their own designs and adoptables and art and NOT deal with all the bs ya'll throw at them. they're literally here because the ENJOY MAKING ((( FREE ))) CONTENT for you, and they're not obligated to do this. they can stop whenever they want. if you had to pay per hour for the length of time collectively worked by ANY species artist staff, the lot of you would be fucking broke. i'm actually constantly shocked that species artists work like, 8 hours or more on some of these gorgeous designs just to give them away for free in a contest.

so, yeah, as someone who hasn't spent my entire life on CS (i've only been here for a year and a half), ya'll seem pretty fucking entitled to me lol. the world outside CS rarely gives out such gorgeous designs in write-to-adopt contests so i'm honestly baffled at the amount of bloody entitlement i see

>bc artists Never weigh in on other artist's comps, so obviously thes ppl just want fwee merc designs !!!1!!1

this part i don't actually understand what you mean. do you mean they... help judge other comps? or like, enter them? i don't get what you mean by "weigh in" but listen, lol. just because something DOES happen doesn't mean it gives you a good reason to assume the worst. i mean... of course it happens. it's statistically impossible for skewed contests and bias to NOT happen, because there's always going to be cases of it happening. but like, what proof do you have that merc will be biased lol? like, real proof? because your main point i've basically debunked and don't believe in at all. do better than "i cant bewieve ppl wouldnt want some1 whos literally explicitly stating at this point that they trust their friends more to "demonstrate dedication to the character" they assign to a design to b an influence in judging comps !!!!!11" because this doesn't make any sense to me for the reasons i already listed above lmao. if artist entries were supposed to be contests they'd be contests. what the hell makes you important enough to get first dibs on a stranger's work. ARTIST ENTRIES AREN'T EVEN MADE TO BE GIVEN AWAY, THEY'RE MADE AS ARTIST ENTRIES.... LIKE.... JESUS i struggle to understand ya'll

anyway im done here, if you wanna actually talk and debate this hmu on discord at lysander#9229 bc if you actually talk to me instead of spew this hot mess on the blog i might actually listen to you and change my mind and be nice about it instead of being a condescending bitch.

wait one more thing

>also my last braincell just died pleas h

yea clearly

p.s., why do you ppl keep going to the blog to give critique on merc's designs when on literally every other design merc makes there's this:

https://www.chickensmoothie.com/Forum/viewtopic.php?f=38&t=3950980

here i even linked it for you. idk why it's so hard for yall to give constructive crit like decent human beings

#cs discourse #submission

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god217 · 6 years

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Hi! I'm, sending in a request on Ray getting taken care of while he sick?? He tries to be so good to MC and deserves to be loved and cared for back!!!

Yessss he is such a good boy omg and tysm for the request 💕

It kinda got both longer and more sad than intended but I mean what did you expect from me lmao

Also I didn’t fully proofread this bc it’s 1:30am I hope it’s fine, my brain is too dead to think pfft idek how I’m still writing-

… … … … … … … … … … … … .

Ray was more than used to being sick, it happened more often than he could even count.

His body had always been weak like that, too useless to handle any kind of work. And somehow the elixir always made it worse, even though he knew that it was helping him and he was just too stupid to get it right.

But even he wasn’t used to being /that/ sick, to get to the point where he could barely keep himself in his chair, the room spinning around him at a pace he didn’t even want to focus on.

He wanted so bad to just lie down on the floor but he couldn’t possibly do that.

He had to keep working…

He couldn’t just slack off.

He never did.

If he couldn’t even work anymore, what purpose would he have? The savior would throw him out, and he’d deserve it.

He owed her so much, and he couldn’t possibly disappoint her.

But he couldn’t even see the code on his screen, his head aching too much for him to focus, and his vision blurring to the point that he was certain he’d pass out again.

As hard as he tried, eventually he had to admit defeat.

Using the walls of the hallway to support himself, the boy somehow managed to drag himself through the castle, his feet carrying him without his mind even realizing. Only when he was in front of her door did he notice that he’d gone to see MC.

No.

He couldn’t possibly… she shouldn’t have to see him like that.

Surely she already knew how pathetic he was, but he didn’t have to show her any more.

She’d hate him for certain if she saw that he couldn’t even take care of himself.

But just as he was turning, trying to hurry away, another bolt of excruciating pain shot through his head and his knees gave in. His body practically collapsed, sliding down the wall until he was half-lying on the ground, slightly leaning against it.

Deep breaths.

Ray closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing like he’d learned, holding back tears both from the pain and from the knowledge that once again, he wasn’t even strong enough to control his own body.

At least nobody had seen him.

Perhaps… perhaps if he just rested for a little bit, he’d be okay again. He could just stay there for a few minutes, the cold floor would be enough for him.

He’d just have to wait for a moment until he was alright to get up again.

Then he could go for some fresh air and go back to work.

He wasn’t even strong enough to move, let alone open his eyes, so he just resorted to curling up into a ball and waiting for it all to pass.

The next thing he knew was a hand on his shoulder, a voice calling his name.

Had he fallen asleep?

He must’ve, otherwise he’d have heard her coming.

His eyes blinked open, his face immediately grimacing at the pain returning to him all at once, before registering the girl leaning over him with a worried expression.

Oh no, now he’d made her see him. And how much time had he even wasted sleeping? God, he’d made her worry…

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, his voice coming out much weaker than he’d intended, the mere act of speaking immediately proving to be a bad idea as he had to pause for a moment to collect himself.

He definitely wouldn’t do /that/ in front of her.

Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to continue as he struggled back to his feet.

“Please just… pretend you didn’t see me. Please.”

He didn’t have the energy to say much else, standing as straight as he could, just hoping he’d manage to make it out of her line of sight before collapsing again, praying she’d go back to her room and just not look at him.

Just please don’t look at him.

Yet, he longed so much for her touch, regretting even pulling away from her softly shaking him awake. If only he could curl up next to her instead, have her comfort him… he’d instantly feel better, he knew it.

But such things weren’t his to wish for, they’d never been and never would be. He wasn’t born to be loved. He wasn’t worth it.

She deserved so much better than him, and he didn’t want her to have to feel bad for rejecting him, so he should just leave.

He didn’t get far, though.

It was surprise that caused him to almost fall over this time, because the last thing he’d expected was for her to reach out to him, to ask him to wait.

Unable to deny her of anything, Ray turned, hiding his face in his hands so she wouldn’t see how his eyes were tearing up again, and how pathetic he must’ve been looking in general.

Before he could even react, he found himself being pulled into her room, unable to resist. His mind was too dazed to really understand what was going on, all that he knew was that, all of a sudden, it was… soft.

He was in a bed?

Confused, he blinked up at her, his aching head in too much pain to come up with an explanation for what was happening.

Why was he in a bed? Why was he in… her bed..?

She was at his side after seconds, a glass of water in her hand, helping him up before handing it to him.

He hadn’t even realized how thirsty he’d been, when was the last time he’d had a drink? Had to have been… yesterday, perhaps. He hadn’t paid much attention to the time while he’d been working.

But why was she doing this?

She didn’t have to take care of him, she certainly had other things to do than that! He hadn’t meant to ruin her day like that, to force her to give up her plans just for him.

This time he didn’t manage to stop the tears, his shoulders shaking as he quickly turned away from her, burying his face in the pillows.

Her pillows.

They even smelled like her, and it only made things worse.

Every single time something good happened in his life…

Why did he always have to ruin it?

Why did he always have to sabotage every ounce of happiness he might’ve had a chance of grasping?

His arms moved around the soft pillow, holding it close as he curled around it, pressing his eyes shut as if he’d disappear if he didn’t look.

He wished he could just disappear, he truly did.

He just wanted to pretend that she wasn’t there, that she didn’t see him like that. Didn’t see him sobbing into her pillows.

She’d probably left already anyway.

There was no way she’d stay with him like this, nobody would.

And there was no way that she’d… climb in the bed with him?

Although he didn’t dare to look, Ray stopped crying and held his breath the second he felt the mattress shift. The weight of something - somebody - being next to him was unmistakable, and there was only one person that it could possibly be.

Still, he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that she’d actually be willing to lie with him, even when he was like that.

Did she not think he was disgusting? Pathetic?

She didn’t seem to at least, not when she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.

She didn’t seem to hate him when she began stroking his hair, paying no mind to how sweaty it had gotten from his fever.

Ray was frozen in shock when he felt her face nuzzle against his neck, so unbelievably close to her that he thought he was dreaming.

He probably was still in the hallway, sleeping on his own. But oh please, he begged he wouldn’t be woken up.

He’d never really had a good dream before, especially not like that.

It all felt so real, yet at the same time it couldn’t possibly be!

She couldn’t possibly want to be close to him, especially not when he was sick like that.

Ah, right.

For a moment he’d actually forgotten about his headache, as if just her touch had healed him somehow.

It was still there, but it felt much more bearable. Everything felt more bearable with her holding him like that.

Slowly, reluctantly, he shifted a bit, turning his face towards her. He was afraid she’d disappear as soon as he tried to look at her, but he just had to see her, he had to make sure that this moment was real.

All he could do was stare when his eyes truly did meet hers, a warm smile answering his baffled gaze.

She was real.

Swallowing, Ray reached up to wipe his tears, not daring to even blink in fear that she might still disappear, turn out to be nothing but an illusion.

But she didn’t.

“It’s okay.”

Her words were but a small whisper, barely audible and undoubtedly meant for him. Only two words, but they spoke more than he could ever describe.

They were all she had to say to him.

Finally giving in to himself, he turned towards her fully, burying his face in her arms. Allowing himself to wrap his arms around her like he’d always wanted to, holding her close to make sure she was there.

She didn’t pull away.

As Ray’s tears began welling up again, she resumed stroking his hair, softly pushing the strands out of his face. She paid no mind to the small whimpers that involuntarily left him, gently shushing him until eventually he could feel himself drifting off to sleep.

Perhaps if he could sleep close to her like that, he truly would have a good dream for once.

And maybe once he woke up he’d feel better already.

He was certain he would, for once in his life, he was absolutely sure of it. Because she’d said it was okay, and she wouldn’t lie to him, ever.

Still praying he’d really be allowed to, Ray eventually fell asleep, her calm breathing the last thing he was still aware of before dozing off in her arms.

She stayed.

#mysme #mystic messenger #saeran choi #ray choi #writing #mysme writing #217 fic

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