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i-trash-about-things · 9 months

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a.n.: this is a very self indulgent blurb about the local metalhead I've been obsessed with after ending ST. Call me a basic bitch if you want, Eddie's the coolest.

First person perspective; use of Y/N, Henderson!Reader; GN!Reader; Reader and Eddie are childhood friends; Reader is Eddie's age (20); Eddie and Chrissy survived, Vecna didn't (because fuck'im dried grape looking mf); mentions of puking; mentions of violence; fluff; slight angst; English not my first language; first time writing for Eddie, might be OOC.

word count: 4.2k

High School dances and second chances.

Some people say falling in love is hard. Aerosmith even says it's bad on the knees.

I don't know. I mean, if I recall correctly, I've only been in love once before and I never truly thought it was hard.

Maybe it's just because Eddie's easy to love. Despite what literally everyone else says, he's the easiest person to love I ever had the pleasure of meeting.

I mean, c'mon– for this feeling to have lasted all the way from 6th grade to his third senior year of high school, it couldn't have been hard.

And yet...

"It's not worth it, it's all I'm saying!"

"How it wouldn't be worth it? The worst thing that could happen is Jason will try to knock your brains out–"

"And we all know that Jason doesn't stand a chance to your personal bodyguard," I use the can of Pepsi on my hand to gesture at myself. "yours truly."

Dustin nods to my words, eyes wide as he looks between me and a surprisingly awkward Eddie.

"See! It'll be easy! Just- ripping off a bandaid!"

"You two really are siblings, huh?" He grumbles, sending me and Dustin the same done look. Dustin sputters, trying to explain himself, but my lips just curl into a familiar shit-eating grin.

"What can I say? Simplicity runs in the family."

And, to some degree, it does. Or maybe Dustin just spends way too much time with me and it's slowly catching onto my motto: "why overcomplicate things?"

Eddie sighs, glancing over his shoulder to the subject of our conversation. Chrissy Cunningham, cheerleader and queen of Hawkins High. One of the sweetest girls I've ever seen, even as she cried when I held her hair out of her face, the toilet in front of her smelling of stomach acid.

You see, while I've been in love with Eddie for most of my lifetime on this god forsaken world, Eddie has been on the same dilemma. Only this time, it was worse (or better, depending who you ask).

He's been in love with Chrissy, but instead of following my example and being her best friend, he's barely spoken two words to her, especially after the Vecna accident.

I never truly understood how that worked. Maybe it's because his situation is so different, and yet so similar, to mine. How could he love someone without speaking to them? Being their friend? Hell, how could he be even attracted to them? It's mind boggling to me.

But hey, who am I to judge? I'm way too enthralled in the process to make a fair judgement anyway. They'd revoke my law-license.

As my thoughts drifted for a second, my eyes lost in the way his bangs brushed over his eyebrows, he and Dustin keep talking in low voices.

"Dude, even if she doesn't outright laugh at me, she probably doesn't even want to look at me!"

"That's even better! That means she'll won't even remember it if you guys bump into each other again!"

"He has a point." I break out of my silence, not even noticing what I'm doing until I'm setting a cigarette between my lips. "It's literally just a high school dance. Which you ditched, twice, the last two years you didn't graduate."

My smile turns soft at the corners– because this time he did. I'm so damn proud of him.

"Point is: the worst that could happen is she'll softly turn you down. Chrissy is one of the sweetest girls I know, she won't be a bitch about it."

"Language!" Dustin extands a hand out and I grumble as I hand him a dollar. Eddie doesn't even blink at the interaction, already so used to the Henderson siblings he's not even fazed anymore. Instead, he just sighs.

"Yeah, yeah, I know... It's just–" He stuffs his face into his hands, grumbling and huffing like a child.

Cute.

Breathing in the cigarette smoke, I jump from my seat by the bleachers and walk over to Eddie. My hand finds his shoulder, squeezing for half a second, and I can only hope he can feel the warmth and care and love I have for him right now.

"Eddie."

He raises his eyes, beautiful soulful brown eyes that remind me of hot chocolate and fall, and for a long moment we just stare at each other. After that, a soft smile blooms at my lips, and he relants.

"Ugh, fine."

"Atta boy." I pat his back, chuckling as he sends me a look. Dustin let's out a sigh of relief, just happy to have this conversation over with.

It's easier for him, the person he loves loves him back, after all... Even if she's hundreds of miles away.

(I remind myself to recheck if Suzie's plane ticket is confirmed when I get home. Don't want the surprise for his birthday to be cancelled.)

On the first opportunity of getting out of this conversation, Dustin dips, saying he's gonna check out with the guy's and talk later. Soon, it's just me and Eddie by the empty gym, cigarette smoke twirling between us.

"Man..." He chuckles, passing a hand through his beautiful hair. "I can't believe I'm getting nervous about going to prom."

"I just can't believe you're going to prom. Honestly not that impressed you're nervous." And he rolls his eyes dramatically as we take our seats again.

"Oh yes, because you never were nervous before."

"And I never was." I lie through my teeth, a bad habit I've been developing the last few years.

I make a point of not mentioning how I always grow nervous to leave Hawkins to college. How I always get nervous when I come back, thinking this it'll be the time he found someone to replace my spot on his life. I mean, it isn't that hard, right? I'm just his best friend, I'm not that special. There's probably hundreds of people that would make an even better job at it than me.

"Never? In your whole entire life?" His voice both snaps me to reality and sinks me deeper into my self deprecation. I just chuckle, shaking my head with the cigarette on my lips.

"Nope."

"Not even when I almost killed your character last session?"

"Not even then."

"What about in that one presentation in sophomore year? Or when you were applying for that fancy-schamcy university of yours?"

"Nah."

He sputters, shocked. Because yeah, I'm not lying.

Because, even if the character I played all through high school died, even if my presentation sucked, even if I didn't get to the college of my dreams- he would still be my Eddie.

Now? Now I'm not so sure.

We stay silent for a while, at least until the burning of the cigarette reaches the filter and it burns my fingertips. When he breaks the silence, I almost don't notice, too deep in my own head.

"What's up with you today?"

"Hm?"

"See? That! You're so out of it!" He scoots closer to my side, pressing his legs against mine, shoulder against mine, until I can't sense nothing but him.

I wished he would do that more often.

"I'm just tired. Driving for two hours after spending a whole day in a cold ass college classroom ain't that fun, you know?"

"You're not, tho. I know you, dude, maybe more than you know yourself."

A bitter chuckle leaves my lips before I can hold it and Eddie's big, expressive and hypnotic eyes express his confusion way too well.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, nothing, just..." I trail off, not sure what to say. He doesn't give me the time to think.

"What, you're saying I don't know you? After spending a good portion of my life with you? You think I'm that dumb?"

"I never said that, Eddie." I send him a look, one that not even I can explain. It's dark, it's piercing, it's... It's just pitiful. "Stop putting words in my mouth."

"Well it's not like you're giving me much to work with!" He groans, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, tattoos shifting on his skin. I have to stuff my own hands in my pockets to not trace over them with my fingertips. "You've been distant."

"Have I?" I mumble, still not sure what to say so I just fiddle with the broken lid of the old Pepsi can. He takes the it away from my fingers, forcing me to look at him.

"Yes. You have." He spits out, hand on my shoulder, eyes piercing into mine. Maybe if I was stronger I could return the look, but... I'm... "Y/N."

"Yeah?"

"Talk to me. Please."

"Eddie–"

"Please."

I let out a shuddering breath, pressing my face into my hands.

"I don't know... I don't... I can't..."

He pulls me to him, until I'm not beside him but in front of him. I can't hide, not when I feel like my limbs weigh a thousand.

"Then try."

...

Words...

God, why must I have to talk? Why can't I just... Show? Like, having powers like El and being able to just project my feelings for him to see? it would be so much easier. Show something I could never put truly into words.

But haven't I been doing exactly that for the last 9 years of our lives?

I take a deep breath, eyes stinging a little.

"I'm..." My tongue feels like it's made of lead, spit feeling like acid on my lips. And I just groan out the next words. "I feel... Bad."

"...Ok. That's a start." He nods eagerly, squeezing my shoulders in a sort of awkward encouragement. "Bad for what? Did I do something wrong? Is it something from college? Family?"

"No, no- you didn't do anything." Which is only half a lie. I rub a hand down my forehead, hair falling over my eyes as I let out a heavy sigh. "It's just... This prom thing, it... It feels bad."

"Why does it feel bad?" He asks, more directly this time. Soulful brown eyes, confused. I have to turn away from them to not get lost in my train of thought.

"I don't... I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just... Regretful?"

"What? Why would you be regretful?" He keeps pushing, keeps asking, knowing me well enough I'll probably just run into a wall of jumbled up feelings and words if he stops. This guy truly knows me too much. "You had a good time at your prom night, didn't you?"

"I mean... Yeah?" I scratch the back of my head, sighing. Yeah, I did have a good time on my own prom, about three years ago. So why does the thought of him having that same fun makes my chest burn?

...

Oh.

Oh, shit.

It's because he didn't go with me.

Like he could physically see the lightbulb turn on behind my eyes, Eddie lifts an eyebrow.

"So? What's the problem?"

I bite the inside of my cheek, looking desperately for an excuse. I don't want to come out as clingy, much less jealous. I hate hate hate feeling jealous, possessive. I hate it. I don't-

"Y/N?"

"It's just–" He won't let me think of a lie. That little shit. Instead I sigh, passing a hand through my hair and looking away. "I don't know. It feels funny thinking you'll actually go this year."

And I let the half sentence linger in the air, while the last part sits just beneath my tongue: when you didn't go with me when I invited you.

"And that makes you feel... Bad? Why? That... Doesn't make any sense." He frowns, like he senses there's something I'm not telling yet. Damn him.

"Yeah, I know it doesn't." I shrug, bitting my tongue and leaning back against the bleachers seats. My arms are crossed over my chest, ankles crossed as well with my eyes staring up at the ceiling. Closed off. Distant.

If he knew me for any less time, he probably would've backed off, but sadly for me–

Suddenly I feel him leave my side, getting up from his seat, then walking to stand directly in front of me.

"Y/N. C'mon."

My normally nonchalant and relaxed expression feels way too heavy right now, my eyes shifting to look at his beat up boots with mismatched laces.

"I... Just..." I groan, passing a hand through my hair again but tugging on it like I'm trying to get my head in the game. "Promise you won't laugh. Or hate me."

He's way too used to my need for reassurance. Eddie leans down, until he's face to face with me despite the fact I'm still sat. There's that damned smirk on his lips, the one that makes me want to play with his hair and–

"I promise, I won't hate you. I must've told you that, like, a hundred times now."

"...Just... Just making sure." I clear my throat, flushing a little in embarrassment... Before letting out a sigh.

"I'm... I feel bad because... I... I'm not sure how to explain it." I play with my rings, shaking my head like a snow globe, hoping the new perspective will help. "Uhh... Remember when I graduated? 2, 3 years ago?"

"Yeah? What of it?"

"Remember I asked you to go to prom with me?" Surprisingly, his eyes light up a little, the smallest hint of a smile on his lips. So soft, so beautiful and so damn easy to fall in love with. Damn him.

"Yeah, I do. You made a whole corny ass prom-posal thing, made me go on a treasure hunt and everything."

"God, don't even talk about it." I flush harder, feeling even more embarrassed. God please just take me out. He frowns at my reaction, crossing his arms.

"What? I thought it was cute."

"Yeah, yeah, if you say so..." A grumble leaves my lips, just wanting to get to the roots of this conversation. Just get it done and over with so I can get back to loving him silently. "Point is, back then, I was actually kinda excited. I knew you didn't graduate that year, but I thought 'hey what's funnier than not passing but going to the party anyways?'. I made all these plans where we would go around playing pranks on people, wanting to make you feel excited for something but..."

I close my hands, breathing slowly.

"You backed out."

There's an unintentional dramatic pause, where I try to get used to this sense of vulnerability. It feels excruciating, like he's picking me apart with those beautiful eyes of his.

"And I understood, because of course I did. It made sense, I guess it would've been too painful. I really didn't, and still don't, hold it against you, I just..."

Looking for any kind of comfort on this awkward and vulnerable situation, I bring my knees against my chest, almost mumbling my next words.

"I just... Kinda wished we could've gone together, I guess."

And another beat of silence.

My skin tingles with the feeling of his presence a feet away from me, the way I can feel his eyes boring into my head as I nuzzle deeper into myself. I kinda feel like an armadillo right now. Or those little insects that turn into balls– what were their names again? Maybe I should make them my next tattoo.

Before I can let myself drift away, I feel him move.

He takes a step forward, crouching to meet my eyes. He looks so... Soft. I mean, he always has a certain tenderness to him, but this is... It makes my heart melt and race at the same time.

God damnit, Eddie.

"You actually wanted to go to prom with me?" He looks so sweet asking that, the vulnerability in his eyes matching mine. I chuckle, his question making me frown in confusion.

"Yes? Duh?? I thought going through all the work of setting up a chessy treasure hunt would be clear enough, dude."

"No, but–" It's his turn to let out a small laugh, eyes boring into mine like it's the first time he's ever seeing me. "I thought I was just... A pity invite. Like you were trying to make me feel better by inviting me instead of going with someone you actually wanted to go and dance and be cheesy with."

The sheer thought makes me pause, the confusion and disbelief he would ever think that making me feel a whole less awkward about my little moment of openness.

I set my knees back down, frowning at nothing in particular before a confused giggle leaves my lips. My eyes finally turn back to his, and it's like a spark of fire flies up in that.

"What??? Dude, no??? I genuinely wanted to go with you! I was looking for matching suits and everything!"

The confession would probably make me blush at some other point, but I just laugh right now– not noticing the way his own eyes widened and cheeks turn warm.

"Plus, who else would I invite?? You were the only person I remotely liked at that point in high school, and not only that you were– you are my best friend! I wouldn't want anyone else!"

WOW OK– Back off a little, Y/N, we're going a bit too much into the too-honest category. Slowly back away into besties again, or else he'll finally catch on the fact you've been in love with him for a good portion of your life. Beep beep beep–

He doesn't give me that chance.

Before I know what's happening, his hand is on mine and he's pulling me off the bleachers and to him– but we fall onto the shiny floor of Hawkins High gym.

He doesn't seem to mind the fact I'm crushing him a little, right now. All I can feel is his face on the crook of my neck, arms around my shoulders with our legs tangled together.

"Jesus– A warning, Eds–"

"I love you."

...

what

My mouth moves before my brain does.

"I love you too."

And for the first time, I'm thankful for that.

Because, after the split second of panic, I let out a melancholic chuckle, nuzzling into his hair.

He loves me, like a best friend does to the other.

Not like I do.

Not like Orpheus loved Eurydice, not like Darcy loved Elizabeth.

Not like I do to him.

And I've made my peace with that, so I just hug him back, feeling my heart break and race at the same time.

"No, Y/N–" He pushes me off of him, just enough so he can look at me. I have to plant my forearms by the side of his head to not fall off. He looks so pretty beneath me like this, hair sprawled around like a halo, cheeks stretched into the smile I fell for. "You don't have any idea how much that meant to me. I'm serious."

"Well, it's the truth." A soft chuckle leaves me, and I shrug. "You're literally the only one I want to go to prom with, why'd you think I ended up going alone?"

"What, you didn't had a backup date?"

"What?? No, I didn't have a "backup date", ew. What I mean is I did have offers, you know? A few people asked me to prom."

"What! You– You never told me that!" He grabs me by the shoulders, and if I wasn't planted so firmly over him, he might have shook me like trying to get me back to my senses. "How could you never tell me that, Henderson! I'm your best friend, God damnit!"

"I didn't think it was that important!"

"How could you think it wasn't?! It's a big damn deal someone tried to take you away from me!"

God damnit Eddie stop saying stuff like that-

"No one could ever take me away from you, you know that."

...Maybe I need to stop saying stuff like that.

"Yeah, but still! Who was it?? Was it someone I know?"

"Does it matter? They already graduated! We probably don't even recognize them anymore!" I can't help but laugh, chuckling as my hair falls around my face like a shaggy curtain. "Plus, it's not like it's gonna make a difference, the guy I actually wanted to go with didn't go with me."

He stops at that, hands weakening their hold on my shoulders. I immediately regret saying that.

"Oh. Right, yeah. I'm..."

"Eddie, hey, it's fine." I immediately jump up to reassure him, shaking my head and sending him a soft smile. "I really don't blame you for not going. Like I said, it must have been a bitch to not pass then have to go to prom. Really, I get it."

"I mean, yeah, but..." He looks away from me, tilting his head to the side. His bangs shift, hiding one of his eyes. "You were so excited. I never thought I would see you happy to go to a dance, much less a school one."

A puff of a laugh leaves my lips. My arms are starting to hurt from holding myself up like this.

"Yeah, it was a surprise to me too. But hey, it's fine, it's in the past. I had my turn at prom, now it's yours! And you're going with Chrissy!"

I mean, he didn't invite her yet, but– C'mon, who could say no to those eyes?

Weirdly, he grimaces at my words, almost flinching at the mention of the cheerleader's name.

"Yeah... Chrissy."

I tilt my head to the side, frowning, probably looking like a confused puppy in his perspective.

"You still nervous about inviting her?"

"No, it's not that."

"Well then, what is?" He glances back to me, before hiding further into his hair. Even with my shoulders straining from effort, I gently raise one of my hands and brush his bangs away from his eyes. His skin feels weirdly warm beneath my fingers. "C'mon, Eds, talk to me."

It's rare seeing him like this and it's eating me up inside. Normally I'm the first person he runs to for help, the first that gets him out of trouble– like when I helped him get Chrissy back to normal and out of Vecna's clutches, or when he had to hide in a boathouse for days when he was accused of assaulting her and breaking both her legs (despite her claims of his innocence.). I refused to leave his side for more than 10 minutes and got fiercely protective when we came back from the Upside down.

Honestly I have no idea how he didn't catch on the fact I'm in love with him in all that time. Steve kept saying I looked like a feral guard dog everytime anyone got remotely close to him.

"I... Just realized something." He mumbles, effectively waking me up from my wondering. Slowly, gently, he pushes me back and sits up. Still not meeting my gaze.

"What is it?" I give him space, despite the fact all I want is to hold him down again and force his eyes to look at mine. I feel like I'm drowning in worry at this point. Damnit, I shouldn't have said anything about prom. Or about Chrissy. Or– I don't know, maybe I shouldn't have ever opened my mouth. I was never good with words.

"I, uh..." He fiddles with his own fingers for a moment, before freezing. Suddenly, a smile opens at his lips–

And he raises his head, eyes finally on mine.

And it takes my breath away.

"I just got an idea."

Oh boy, here we go.

"Nothing good ever came out of those five words before."

"Oh, but that's where your wrong, my dearest angel!" He almost jumps up from the ground, looking absolutely ecstatic. "I just had the best realization of my life! I don't think I've ever had a better idea!"

Without even asking, he pulls me up- with enough force to slam my face into his collarbone.

"Ow–"

"Point is–Sorry– I need to go. Gotta a lot of planning ahead of me!" He practically giggles, pressing a kiss to the crown of my hair and skipping off into the gyms exit.

All I can do is watch him. Watch his messy and unruly hair disappear behind those doors, his smirk and excitement the last thing I see before he finally runs off to do... Something?

I must have stayed there, frozen, for at least half a minute, just staring at the void with our conversation rerolling on my head.

"What the hell just happened?" My voice echoes back to me and the gym suddenly feels a lot bigger.

With a confused but half amused sigh, I grab my bag and empty can of Pepsi off the ground and slowly leave the school.

Well, whatever that was, at least he looks excited. For me that's all that matters.

A soft, but slightly sad, smile crawls up my lips at that thought.

It's funny how many times I say those words to myself. "As long as he's happy." And it's surprising how many times I actually mean it.

A lot of people say one of the worst pains is unrequited love, that one sided pining that can last years and years.

I don't know. I honestly kinda like it.

This feeling.

It's like playing super spy, like I used to play with Dustin and the kids when we were younger. I know a secret no one else does– or at least he doesn't. It's fun. It hurts, sure, but it's fun. It's playful and fun and easy.

Easy like loving him.

And when I say I'm content of just being by his side, even if he doesn't see me the way I see him...

I mean it.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #stranger things x reader #reader insert #hmmm i feel so damn cringey for posting this tbh but I'm also so proud of it #actually had a lot of fun writing this #like a lot of fun #hope y'all five people still in the stranger things fandom like it #+++ late tag:#HD&SC #trash's writing tag o/

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nerdy-talks · 6 months

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Warning : This post is going to be a very personal rage dump/rant.

There are heavy topics involved, including cancer and death. Also explicit language.

Out of consideration and respect to those of you who would prefer not to read it (since I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to), I will continue under the cut

Also pictures of my dogs, to break up the doom and gloom ^^"

-------------------------

I absolutely despise, loathe, hate toxic people.

Especially when those toxic people are the “wolf in sheep’s clothing” type.

Especially when those people don’t have the fucking balls to confront others directly and just choose to slink about behind the scenes like scummy little vermin.

So… my uncle Joe passed away a few days ago.

It was expected. He had been battling pancreatic cancer, which ended up spreading into his liver and lungs.

With that being said, even though he will be dearly missed, at least he no longer has to suffer.

I was close with my uncle.

In fact, it’s no exaggeration to say that I was much closer to him than I was with my own father (my Dad was a permanent presence in my life up until the day he died, but we had an extremely tumultuous, dysfunctional, volatile, abusive relationship.)

We visited my uncle Joe regularly ever since I was a baby, all the way up until somewhat recently. He spent countless hours at our place throughout the years. He was super close with my parents, doing tons of outdoorsy activities with them. I spent a good amount of my childhood with his family. When his wife passed away, my parents helped him and supported him. He helped us move twice. My Mom took his kids places when she was just dating my Dad. When my Dad passed away, my uncle Joe was there for me without me even having to ask.

Literally everything was good between us, and always has been.

It’s also thanks to my uncle Joe that we gained a new furry member of our family last year, who we named Dandy 💙 my uncle’s dog had puppies, he asked how many we wanted, so we took one lol

(I’ll include a few poor quality pictures because… well, I should probably break up this message with a little “positivity”, right?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was Dandy when he was still just a baby, 4 weeks and 3 days old.

Look at the cute little potato 🥹

We visited my uncle Joe every week to see him grow and develop, anxiously waiting until he was old enough to bring home.

And this was the day he finally joined our family ~

Look at how tiny he was compared to my one Black Lab (sorry for the terrible quality picture. Our carpets are old, but I swear they don't look that dingy ^^")

And here's Dandy today, one year and five months later ~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway! Back to my rage-fueled rant :

My uncle Joe met someone about a year and a half ago, and she moved in with him pretty quickly.

Which certainly wasn't a bad thing. We were genuinely happy for him.

She seemed very nice, sweet, accepting, kind, receptive, and welcoming.

But for whatever reason, the dynamic changed the moment my uncle fell ill and the control landed in her hands.

Since my uncle Joe was sick, we all mutually decided that it would be best if communication was between my Mom/me and her (we would text her to check in to see how he was doing, as well as find out if/when it was a good time for us to visit)

This is where some inconsistencies started to appear.

For example :

She would tell us not to visit because my uncle was too sick (which was totally understandable!), but then would tell us a few days later how he was doing great and had fishing trips planned all week.

I 100% believed her at the time.

After all, everyone has both good and bad days.

But then when we would visit, my uncle Joe told us how he couldn’t fish anymore because the chemo was causing neuropathy in his hands, and he couldn’t hold his fishing pole or cast/reel the line in.

Though we just assumed he discovered those issues after she told us about those supposed fishing trips.

But the true eye-opener happened during our one visit. My uncle Joe welcomed us into his home, we talked, found out some updates about his health (which was declining), etc. He was open/transparent with us about everything.

When my uncle went to the bathroom during that visit, his girlfriend made the comment “I probably should have told you guys not to come here, since he’s in a lot of pain today.”

Knowing my uncle, I didn’t budge from my seat. I knew that if he wasn’t up for company, he wouldn't hesitate to tell us to leave.

And I’m glad we didn’t leave… because literally 10 minutes later, her granddaughter came waltzing in to visit her.

My uncle came out of the bathroom, sat on the sofa doubled over in pain as he was talking to me and my Mom (at this time, we asked him directly if we should leave, since we knew he was dealing with a lot and we didn't want to overstay our welcome. He told us not to leave, that we could stay because he felt like shit regardless).

But as he was sitting there, clearly in pain, his girlfriend and her granddaughter asked him to get up and carve a watermelon for them instead of doing it themselves.

What sense does that make?

'I should have told you guys to stay away, but I’m gonna make him strain himself and carve a watermelon for us even though he’s already suffering and struggling enough'

…. Okay. Fuck you too.

We obviously didn’t say anything. We just visited for a little while longer, then left with a friendly/cordial “goodbye, nice to see you again” to her and her granddaughter, told my uncle that we would be thinking about him and see him again, and wished them a good day.

Two and a half months passed before we heard from them again.

Why? Because she refused to answer our numerous calls and texts.

She deliberately ignored us, which actively prevented us from having an opportunity to see my uncle.

And she knew damn well that we wouldn’t just show up at my uncle’s house unannounced because we didn’t want to disturb him if he wasn’t feeling up for company.

We only got in contact with him again after he directly called our phone and left a message saying “hey, just checking in. I hope you’re both doing okay, since I haven’t heard from either of you in a while. Stop by when you can”.

So we went to his house.

When we explained the situation to my uncle Joe/passive aggressively confronted his girlfriend, her excuse was “oh, sorry. The reception here is bad so my phone was probably just acting up.”

For two and a half months?

Even though she was literally using her phone in front of us, which appeared to be working perfectly fine?

Even though she’s always on her phone every time we see her?

Even though she could have reached out to us, yet chose not to? Not even once in two and a half months??

I call bullshit.

My Mom even told her that she was on the verge of sending a text that said “okay, cunt.” since we thought she was ignoring us after not responding to our multiple texts/calls.

We all laughed it off as a joke, Joe's girlfriend even said “hahaha, I probably would have laughed if I got a text like that!” … but it most certainly was not a joke.

(My Mom is extremely outspoken and normally doesn’t hold back, especially when it counts. She’s the type of person you either love or hate, but she’s definitely one of a kind and the perfect example of a strong, independent woman who gives zero fucks lol)

Anyway, that visit went well. We behaved like usual, talked to both my uncle and his girlfriend normally, caught up on stuff, etc.

After that interaction, his girlfriend miraculously responded to every single call and text (bad reception, huh? Funny how she had zero service issues after we called her out in front of my uncle)

But basically every time we talked with her, she would say “it’s not a good time to come by, he’s really sick.”

And we would always respond with things like “we totally understand”, “thank you so much for letting us know”, “we wish there was something we could do to help”, “we’re here for you if you ever need anything or anyone to talk to since we know this also isn’t easy for you”, “we’ll check in next weekend”, “please take care of yourself”, “we’ll be thinking about you”, etc.

Then finally, my uncle Joe told us to stop up again two weeks ago. So we did.

He was extremely sick and remained in bed, but we said hello and he told us that we are more than welcome there and we could just visit with his girlfriend. So we did. The visit remained cordial and friendly.

The next day, my uncle called and apologized for not getting up when we were there.

We immediately told him that he has absolutely no reason to be sorry, that we completely and wholeheartedly understand, that we would understand even if he told us to leave the moment we arrived, and that we were keeping him in our thoughts.

The week after that, his girlfriend said he was too sick for company (which again, we obviously understood and thanked her for letting us know, wished them the best, etc).

We didn’t visit my uncle Joe after that. He passed away before we had another opportunity to see him.

Now, here’s where my anger starts to come into play :

His girlfriend didn’t let us know when he passed away.

We found out from my other uncle, Mike, two days later. (My Dad had 3 brothers. His eldest brother is my uncle Joe who just passed away. His youngest brother is my uncle Mike who let us know what happened.)

So my Mom called her and offered her condolences, asked how she was doing, told her that we’re here for her, and asked about the arrangements. My Mom also told her that Mike was the one who let us know about Joe.

She made the comment “there’s going to be a small ceremony, but only for immediate family.”

Which didn’t make sense to me or my Mom. We were both very close with my uncle Joe, we are family. So that comment seemed a bit… off?

But we dismissed it and instead talked to my uncle Mike.

We asked him to please keep us updated, since we wanted to pay our respects to my uncle Joe and our family.

Well… I don’t know what the Hell that lady said to my cousin (Joe’s son), but he told my uncle Mike not to tell us anything else.

That snake in the grass obviously ran back and told my cousin that we found out about Joe’s passing from Mike.

But uhh... We deserved to know.

Now, we literally just found out this morning that the ceremony was held yesterday. We weren't invited (the day/time wasn't publicly announced).

We were excluded. We were denied the opportunity to say our final goodbye.

I blame his girlfriend. Completely and entirely.

I especially find it super interesting that she didn’t attend the ceremony either… almost like she was afraid that we might possibly show up and confront her (which we would never do, purely out of respect for my uncle Joe)

When my uncle Mike told us, he apologized. But we told him that we don’t blame him, since we certainly didn’t want to put him in the middle of it.

It just pisses me the fuck off.

Bad enough she actively prevented us from seeing my uncle Joe, even on his “good” days. But then to keep us away from the ceremony too?

And she HAD to have fed my cousin a bunch of lies and bullshit to cause him to tell my uncle Mike not to inform us of anything. (Luckily for us, my uncle Mike loves to talk so he didn’t mind spilling the tea. He just felt guilty for not doing so sooner. But I understand why he waited, and I hold zero animosity towards him)

It’s especially confusing and upsetting since we always remained on good terms with all of my cousins.

We saw my cousins regularly, got along well with them, joked around with them.

Literally nothing that we did or didn’t do would warrant such a reaction from them.

If there was any fault on our end, I certainly wouldn’t be angry about this situation or waste my time typing this up. (I'm not the type of person who plays the victim, I admit when I'm wrong and own up to my faults/wrongdoings. That just isn't the case here.)

So it’s seriously a mystery to me… which is why I blame my uncle Joe’s girlfriend.

Absolutely nothing changed in the decades of knowing my uncle and his kids. Literally the only recent change was her coming into the picture.

(I also want blame my cousin, since he’s older than me and has a mind of his own… but I also know that he’s grieving the loss of his father, so I feel like that bitch took advantage of the situation to say whatever she wanted about us while my cousin is vulnerable and not thinking clearly/properly).

Regardless of the finer details…. I am absolutely livid.

It’s like a giant “fuck you” to us, like we aren’t good enough, like our feelings don’t matter.

And that pisses me off beyond belief.

I’m debating whether or not I should confront her.

On one hand, I probably should just let it go and move on.

But on the other hand… I want to play dumb, call her, and be like “How are you doing? Do you know when the ceremony is?“ just to see what she says.

And then tell her to go fuck herself.

Is that immature of me? Sure.

But I’m angry. Annoyed. Irritated. Fuming. My rage is boiling, my wrath is building. And I feel like exploding.

Needless to say… my Mom was right. That lady is a cunt. A toxic, festering, diabolical, oozing, gaping, pungent cunt.

If you’ve read up to this point, I genuinely apologize for dumping all of this off here.

I just needed to vent a bit.

I also owe everyone who has tagged me a HUGE thank you. You have all given me a much needed distraction from everything, plus I genuinely love being tagged.

So I will absolutely start posting/replying to those a little later (I've already started on them and have them saved in my drafts, I just want to finish them all and post everything at once lol)

#I might delete this later #I find comfort in the idea that Satan would be proud of my wrath/anger right now lol #all joking aside....#I have so much to say to her yet she's not worth the time or energy #I'm over the two-faced high school bullshit #maybe she likes drama but I don't #just another reason for me to hate people #it might be sad to say but....#... Tumblr is the only place where I can count on interacting with genuinely nice people #I just feel bad for being so damn dismissive/absent lately #I promise I'll make it up to you all #and thank you for being so patient with me 💙#nerdy talks #nerdy vents #nerdy rages #?#I am angry #personal #rest in peace uncle joe 💙

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