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#i'll have you know that a possible solution to that last problem just popped up as I was writing this so be prepared
limon-rat · 2 months
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wait you said its a DR au? Does that mean he lost his leg after the merge event? I gotta know what he was doing then-
He did! I'll probably have to go back and remind myself of the details, but he actually lost his leg after the Merge. Granted, it was within a few weeks, but I can't quite remember the details, unfortunately. He crashed not too far off from Ninjago City, landing in the Sea of Sands within view of both the Crossroads and Imperium. He avoided Imperium entirely and just tried to get back to the city.
Eventually, over the years, he tumbled his way into leading an underground cult and sort of refugee camp. Lost wanders, displaced children, and people who generally didn't like the lack of rule in the Crossroads joined him.
Unfortunately, a key part of all of this was that he and Cole crashed in close proximity to each other and actually had each other in the years after the merge, so I'm still working on what I want to do to fix this (I mostly don't want to exclude Geo and the lost kids as characters because I adore them all <3) but I'll keep working on that, so keep an eye out!
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andmaybegayer · 3 months
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Last Monday of the Week 2024-01-22
Snowing again
Listening: Went looking for some very funky guitar and came across the album Parallels by Evan Marien and Dana Hawkins. Here's "Forever"
Reading: Not The End of the World by Hannah Ritchie, a book focussed on taking a realistic eye to sustainability.
This book largely rehashes stuff you'll already have seen if you read Ritchie, albeit in a nice compact form factor and with a lot of your generic pop-sci book flourishes. Better than median pop-sci because it has sources cited.
I do think that knowing these kinds of things is important. It helps you recognize what is worth worrying about and where you really don't need to obsess so much. Much of this book is about agriculture and food, since food is the easiest part of most peoples' lifestyles to change and this is squarely focussed on individuals, but it does also cover other pollution, general habitat loss, disease, disasters, and plastic pollution. A lot of this still ends up linking back to food, because agriculture is a huge user of land, and land use drives a lot of those things.
There's also a lot of debunking of bad stats that get quoted, which is useful. You see a lot of these On Line and even if you avoid propagating sensationalist headlines, you still read them and they can be sticky. In general this book doesn't as much assuage anxieties as try to shift them to more productive terrain.
Even if you disagree with the philosophy of the solutions proposed here, the data are mostly pretty good and well covered, it's solidly grounded more often than its not. Having relative comparative values for things like land use from meat vs plant foods, relative proportions of plastic landfilled vs recycled vs dumped in different parts of the world.
Watching: Porco Rosso, because like three years ago someone told me to watch it and I finally did it. Perhaps the lowest time to fantastical flying machine possible in a Miyazaki movie, although I haven't watched Nausicaa.
It is so funny that he's just some guy who got cursed! The human hands and pig head form a perfect comedic item. Killer one liners. It's tricky to make a movie simultaneously about fascism in Mussolini's Italy and also about a big cartoon pig who outsmarts a bunch of goofy pirates.
Playing: Still on Dark Souls, made it into The Depths, video on that just went up.
youtube
Making: Did some microscopy over the weekend, on a random snow sample. Not as interesting as algal samples or pond scum, but the pond is frozen over at the moment. I'll go back once it's melted with a stick.
Tools and Equipment: If you keep on dealing with shit-ass audio from your computer, a dedicated audio handling device is probably going to solve your issues.
I've spent years dealing with crap audio from devices plugged directly into my motherboard but I recently got a Zoom H1n portable recorder and I'm using it as a basic USB mic interface plugged into my old Video Mic for the Video Games Recordings seen above and my audio is SO clean. I can finally actually do proper audio stuff like recording with headroom and gaining in post without destroying my noisefloor, I did not know just how much goddamn noise my motherboard was dumping into audio signals.
I like doing video and audio to complement my photography but unlike with photography, I've never really used good quality tools to do that, so I'm in the process of changing that.
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issaxcharlie · 3 years
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Spectacular!
Pairing: Alive! Luke Patterson x Fem Reader
Summary: Inspired by Nickelodeon’s Spectacular! Luke Patterson needs the money for his bands demo, and miraculously, that same night he gets an offer to fix his problem. The catch? Rockstar boy has to join his school’s show choir and put up with their fearless Female Lead Singer. (don’t come here searching for accuracy remember it’s inspired by a movie)
Note: I had a lot of fun with this one, hope you like it! Oh and it’s a little long so keep it in mind +8k👀💜
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Say this is not her scene would be to fall short, but she has to make sacrifices to find greatness. The first thing she notices when she walks into the little club, is that it's packed. The people look excited and somewhat desperate and she doesn't blame them. The pamphlet marked they were supposed to start at 8:00 p.m. and it's already 8:40. She makes her way carefully until she finds a perfect place in the middle of the room.
The musicians take the stage visibly anxious, especially Alex who cannot stop moving his hands trying to probably calm himself down. Reggie and the rhythm guitarist take their positions. They look at each other one last time before beginning to play the enveloping sound of the pop-rock song. The bass line sounds insane and she hasn't heard Alex play drums in years, he’s exceptional. They could both play without their singer all night and she wouldn't mind.
The space in the center of the stage that belongs to who she came to see today, completely empty. The bassist seems about to take the first verse when Sunset Curve lead guitarist and vocalist Luke Patterson appears on stage.
She has seen him multiple times in the hallways laughing with her childhood best friend, Alex Mercer and her lab partner, Reggie Peters, but she has never spoken directly to him. Still, it's hard not to notice how handsome he is and how much of a charismatic personality he has.
“I'm living my life just the way I like, they say I get a little too loud. Try to push me in a box, over analyze. But I'm never gunna turn it down”
His voice is enchanting and mesmerizing, a sound that immediately reminds her of the best rockers in history and his movements and energy are electrifying. In seconds the entire audience is jumping and dancing to the beat.
“They say never and I say right now!” Y/N analyzes him excitedly. The passion with which he sings and plays his guitar reminds her of when she is on stage, although the two of them dedicate themselves to totally different things, their love for music is the same. She definitely has a lot of work to do to polish him and make him the perfect performer she needs, but if there's anyone who can accomplish the impossible, it's her.
“No one's gonna stop me tonight! Thank you, we are Sunset Curve, tell your friends!” The presentation ends and Sunset Curve leaves the stage. The girl moves quickly to catch up with them at the back of the club, but when she finally arrives, screams can be heard from two of the members of the band.
“I know you don’t like me, Bobby. But trying to sabotage the show by giving me the wrong time is just the most stupidest thing you've ever done!” The guitarist looks furious, his muscles are really tense and Y/N can't help staring at his biceps way more than she probably should.
"This fight of egos between the two of you has to stop, we can no longer continue to be in the middle." The bassist cries out, tired of all the bickering.
“You no longer have to, Reggie. It’s time to decide. The lousy rocker or me. Remember that the money for the demo is mine before choosing... I'm not sure Patterson's lyrics can compete without the money to record them.”
The guitarist looks down at the ground, a mixture of anger and sadness on his face. Alex and Reggie turn to see each other for a second and then position themselves on either side of Luke, no sign of doubt on their faces.
“We’ll find a way without you. Let’s see If you find one without us.” Reggie declared with a little smirk. Bobby grabs his stuff and gets into his truck without looking back, completely furious.
"Some things Bobby was angry about are true and you have to improve them. You are not a solo artist, you are part of a band." Alex points to Luke as soon as the truck is out of sight, but before he can respond the blonde intercepts the girl at the door.
“Y/N?” The three of them turn to see her, Reggie smiles at her while Luke looks pissed off.
“Hey guys, I came to talk to Luke.” Luke frowns in surprise while the other two gape for a few seconds.
"Really?” Y/N turns with a murderous face towards her friend, who puts his hands in his pockets and begins to walk. “...Okay. Meanwhile Reg and I are going to figure out how to get the drums in Luke's car."
"If you come for an autograph please be quick, I don't feel like socializing." The guitarist declares to the wind, not wanting to pay attention to the stranger who approaches him in the middle of the alley, no matter how cute she looks.
“I’m not a fan.” She confesses in a firm voice, trying to measure the situation.
"Oh, then I'll go. See you later beautiful." He's about to leave when her voice stops him.
“Patterson, come back here!” There's something about her tone that makes Luke suddenly interested. He turns to see her carefully, her chin is up, her shoulders back. Her lips are press together and her eyes look determined and he can't help but admit that the confidence she projects is really doing something to him.
“2 minutes, firecracker.”
“I’m Y/N Y/L.” Faced with no comment from the guitarist, she decides to continue. “I need a male lead singer for my group and I think you might be the perfect fit, after I'm done with you, of course."
He’s unable to believe what he hears. “A band? I think you know pretty well I'm already in one.”
“It’s not a band, it’s a group. THE group If I can say so myself. Spectacular!” She affirms with the first smile he sees her that night, and he can't believe it is possible that she can look even more beautiful.
"Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit with the spectacular thing? At least tell me the name or what kind of band is." She rolls her eyes and he chuckles in response, thinking it was adorable and hot at the same time.
“I already told you, Spectacular! It’s a show choir.”
“Is this a joke? Did Bobby sent you?”
“No and no. I know it’s not really your style, but I’m telling you I can make it work. I heard a bit of the conversation you had with the band, the prize of Nationals is 10,000 dollars. I'm willing to give you half for the demo, if we win, obviously. And I can assure you we will if you accept and do absolutely everything I say.”
“Firecracker, are you trying to tell me that all I have to do to raise the money is put on some stupid cowboy or tiger-print outfit and humiliate myself in front of an entire audience with my best jazz hands? Wow, sounds like a dream!” Maybe he got a bit too sarcastic, but meh, as pretty as she is, she's still a stranger.
“My name is Y/N, and I'm not appreciating your tone of voice.” By this moment the girl seems tired of the musician, who feels the frustration in her and tries to be more gentle.
“I- I’m sorry. Thanks for the offer, but I don't feel as desperate yet as to end my reputation in that way. I hope you find what you are looking for, but that’s just not me. I'm just a guitarist.” She nods, entwining her arms against her chest. He admires her for a few more seconds and turns to his car, where his friends are already waiting for him to help with the drums.
Before getting behind the wheel he turns to her one last time, but she is nowhere to be seen.
Fights between Luke and Bobby weren't new to the band. The big-headed attitude of both collided practically all the time and things had been getting worse in recent months with the more overconfident attitude of the guitarist, but they never imagined that they would end up in this situation.
The days go by and the boys are running out of time. They have to deliver the demo to the Orpheum offices in two months so that they can be taken into account for the great concert they will hold at the end of the year presenting the best new talents in the city. All they've heard from Bobby is that he's trying to build his own band but without much success. Still, he doesn’t fold his hands and continues to try on his own.
The three remaining members of Sunset Curve are in Alex's room lying on the floor with their instruments around trying to think of solutions, when Y/N's voice coming from outside refreshes the blonde's memory. “What did Y/N want to talk to you the other day?”
“Who?” Luke narrows his eyes in confusion.
“Y/N? The captain of the school’s show choir? She went to talk to you after Bobby left the band. Small, fire in her eyes, a lot of attitude.”
“OH, Firecracker! So that group is our school's choir? that's even worse. She tried to recruit me, even offered me the money for the demo if we win the competition in which they will participate.”
“What? She wants you in Spectacular? What did you said?” Alex heard that his friend's ex-boyfriend broke up with her and joined last year's national champions, but he never imagined that she would try to replace him with someone like Luke. Luke is distracted by a melody and doesn’t answer his friend's question.
"Why does your mom always leave her music on when she leaves to work?" The music is definitely not his style, they are always usually pop songs or even songs from musicals, but the singer's voice is one of the most beautiful he has ever heard so it never bothers him.
“It’s not her music, is Y/N.” Alex responds, wondering what the young woman is up to since she is never usually home at this hour.
“Who?” Alex's eyes widen, not able to believe his friend.
“Really? I already told you!” The guitarist tilts his head and shrugs. “Firecracker?”
“What does firecracker have to do with this?” Alex opens his balcony curtains and the silhouette of a young woman singing and dancing through her transparent pink ones comes to their visions.
“She’s so good bro, I thought it was a record too.” Reggie looks at her with a big smile as Alex rolls his eyes at Luke.
As soon as he sees her, the musician is in a trance, admiring the grace and energy with which she moves, wanting with all his might to remove the pink curtain that does not allow him to see her properly.
The song ends and a well-known melody begins to play with prominent bass and drums. “Guys, shut up! I’m trying to hear her sing.”
“It’s not us, man.” Reggie answers almost screaming with how loud the girl’s music is.
“What do you-” Luke turns around and sees his friends with their hands raised, the cables finally connecting in his brain. "She is listening our song?"
"Not just listening, she's also destroying your career, her vocals are amazing." The black-haired boy adds, smirking and running to connect his bass.
Luke excitedly opens the balcony window and sings the pre-chorus as loud as he can to get the singer's attention. “Call me in the morning to apologize, every little lie gives me butterflies.” She immediately turns around and smiles at the guitarist's cocky smile. She opens the curtain and the window and her sunset curve t-shirt is the first thing the band notices.
“Something in the way you're looking through my eyes, don't know if I'm gonna make it out alive.” Luke sings seductively towards her, each word fully dedicated to the woman in front of him.
Reggie accompanies them with his bass while Alex looks at his friends incredulously, an "Are you fucking kidding me." Comes out of the blonde almost like a whisper when he identifies the shirt that the girl wears as his.
Both sing the chorus together and the chemistry is unquestionable. Alex had never thought of this two together because at first glance they seem completely different, but thinking about it a little more deeply they couldn't be more similar. They are both passionate, headstrong, live for the stage, and are ridiculously talented and confident.
“Fight so dirty, but you love so sweet. Talk so pretty, but your heart got teeth. Late night devil, put your hands on me. And never, never, never ever let go.”
The performance between the duo is playful, driving, sexy and intense and Alex and Reggie can't help but feel like they're interrupting a private moment. As soon as the song ends, the girl moves closer to the window, blows them a kiss and closes it.
"Where did that woman come from?" Luke whispers as he tries to catch his breath. Nobody had enchanted him so much just by singing, well, nobody had enchanted him, period. But she’s definitely something.
“She has been my neighbor since we were 6 years old, we used to be best friends but we both drifted apart when we entered high school. She’s amazing, the best performer in the city.” Alex informs him and then Reggie adds his own piece of valuable information. “She’s my lab partner. Fun, smart, beautiful, the whole deal. A true gem.”
“Answering your question, I said no to her offer. But I guess the group of someone this rad can't be that bad. And we really need the money." The drummer purses his lips and nods. His friend definitely took the hook.
"Honestly, I always wanted to audition, I guess the three of us could try in, to support you obviously."
“Of course man, she sounded desperate when she asked, and if the shirt and song is any indication she is definitely a huge Sunset Curve fan. She tried to fool me by saying she wasn't a groupie, as if that was possible after seeing us perform.”
His friends leave the house and Alex plays on the drums the secret signal he had with the girl when they were younger, a minute later the girl appears in her window with an amusing smile, dressed in her classic blue pajamas.
“Really?” The drummer chuckled and his friend’s smile grows even bigger, a little laugh leaving her lips. “The shirt was a nice touch. A little much, but that idiot must have fallen for it completely. I want it back by the way.”
“You can see right through me. You know the invitation is open, right? I would love nothing more than to have you there.” He has known her his whole life, and realized early on that she was just trying to get his friend's attention to reconsider her offer by raising his ego, and he honestly doesn't mind. It's about time Luke met someone of his caliber. Perhaps her influence could do him good.
“I- thank you. I guess we’ll see. See you tomorrow.” She blows him a kiss and closes the window. Tomorrow sure is going to be an interesting day, Sunset Curve joins Spectacular.
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Having to face Spectacular! And telling them they still don't have a male lead singer who can compete against Damian was not easy. Her options are running out and she honestly doesn't know what to do to save them.
Damian on stage is the best, it pains her to admit that she has never seen anyone like him. At first she thought she could continue without him, but it’s becoming increasingly obvious that he is just impossible to replace.
Everyone continues to practice the routine, clearly discouraged after her bad news and it honestly breaks her heart. She knows how much the group means to everyone for different and personal reasons and she can't let them lose this. So whatever she has to do, she’ll do it so they can have the leader they deserve.
“I thought the children in the choir would have more energy, this is just sad, firecracker.” She hides her wide smile before turning to the owner of the voice, who is entering the auditorium with his best friends. Money really talks, otherwise she can't explain what would make him appear here.
“Dude, can you please play nice? This is important!” Reggie looks flustered and scolds Luke probably louder than he planned. The guitarist just ignores him and winks shamelessly at her. Seems her little plan from yesterday was successful, now she just has to play the situation in her favor.
“Mercer, Peters... Patterson. Can we help you with something?” The performer shows a perfect poker face, Spectacular continues to practice but they can't help but turn their attention to the rock band.
“I came to accept your proposal, but only If we can include Reggie and Alex in the deal. I guess as long as I’m in whatever I ask shouldn't be a problem." He crosses his arms and gives her a confident smile.
“I could actually do with a few more members, specially as talented as Reg and Alex. As for you, you've already turned down my offer Lucas, but if for some reason you don't graduate this year, make sure you audition the next one. Now, let’s start boys." Y/N moves within inches of Luke to gently close his open mouth with her index finger, and gives him a small wink before turning and taking the other two musicians each on each arm and pulling them closer to where the group is still practicing.
“Y/N, you can’t be serious.” The skilled singer continues to ignore him as she explains to her new members something Luke can't quite hear.
The musician frustrates and walks until he is directly in front of her. “Y/N” He groans.
“I'm not firecracker anymore? That is just sad.” Luke looks upset, but she's determined to not let him have what he wants after what he said at the club, so if he wants the money that bad he's going to have to prove it.
“I’m going to explain you something quickly so you can go and stop wasting my time. I’ve seen your band play, I know how good these two are at singing, which means I don't need you anymore, nor do I have to put up with your rockstar wannabee attitude. I need someone that I can connect with and have the chemistry that leaves everyone forgetting how to breathe, and after yesterday, I just don't think that's you.” Right now she is grateful to be such a good actress because yesterday's act melted her legs, even though they were separated by the balconies. This man is unreal, totally unfair.
"I do, I wouldn't be surprised if they kissed at any moment." The bassist whispers as Alex looks at him with an incredulous face, he just slowly shakes his head from side to side and continues to see the leader of their band and their new leader in a starting contest, is kind of an amusing sight since Luke is definitely not used to having to face someone like him.
“It’s like you said, you are just a guitarist. Thinking you could handle something like this was ridiculous of me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a group to direct."
Y/N hopes she hasn't pushed the rockstar too much, but remains firm in her tactics and turns to the others to continue with the rehearsal. She signals them to put the most similar song to the Sunset Curve sound that she can remember at the moment to make Alex and Reggie feel more calm and to see if she finishes catching Luke’s interest, who still doesn’t move from where he is with his eyes fixed on her, which she takes as as a good sign.
The moment the song start, both sunset curve members smile, and Luke's voice is heard from behind. “So you're the girl, I heard the rumor.” He sounds powerful and captivating and immediately sets everyone's eyes on him. She doesn’t give him the luxury of turning to see him, but he is not going to give up and in a quick and agile movement he turns her by the hand.
“Why don't you break my heart, make it hurt so bad. Come on give it your best, nothing less, I insist, I want it just like that.” The girl should have thought more about her choice before asking for a song like this. Every word that comes out of the musician's mouth is addressed directly to her with an intensity in his eyes and movements that should be illegal.
She tries to get out of his way but he makes it pretty clear that he's not singing to prove himself to the group, he's doing it to prove something to her. Specifically, to prove her wrong.
“Stare me down, intimidate me. Oh baby please you'll never break me.” He comes dangerously close to her, basically inches apart, his eyes fixed on her lips and smiling flirtatiously as he sings, his eyes glinting mischievously.
She enters the song so as not to make him feel like she’s defeated and starts dancing with him to the rhythm, their movements matching effortlessly as they move across the stage.
She pulls herself back as far as she can, but Luke surprises everyone by doing a body roll on the floor, his arms looking more gorgeous than ever in that sleeveless shirt as they take the full weight of his body without any problem, his eyes never losing contact with hers. All the girls start to do small screams while Y/N's cheeks turn red at her thoughts. He slides on his knees towards her and gets up as he puts his foot on her to make her lose balance and catch her right at the end of the song.
“Why don’t you break my heart.” They've been in a trance since the song started and it's like it's just the two of them in the auditorium. Their lips are almost touching, neither willing to give up eye contact or move from their current position, until the applause and shouts of excitement bring them back to reality.
“I have chemistry with everybody that I sing with, firecracker.” He whispers to her lips before shifting the girl's full weight to his right arm to raise his left one to her face and carefully close her mouth with his finger, winking with a cocky smile before lifting her up.
Immediately everyone begins to advocate for him with all kinds of arguments that ranged from how sensual he was to how much of a presence he had on stage. Her best friend’s comment is the one that catches his attention the most. "You have even more chemistry with him than Damian, I didn't think it was possible." That definitely sounds interesting.
Y/N pretends to listen to her teammates before saying Luke can enter the group. The truth is that she knew from the first moment she saw him perform with Sunset Curve that he was a star, but this facet without the guitar and irradiating passion from his pores was something that left her speechless.
Still, she knew all the work that would go into preparing the band and it really was exhausting. For them to understand that they couldn't just sing like they do at the club, that there are rules to follow, dance steps they have to learn, facial expressions they have to master, notes they have to hit perfectly, wasn’t easy but they succeeded.
Along the way, she regained her bond with Alexander, her friendship with Reggie grew stronger, and each day she felt closer to Luke. She has been practicing a duet with him for weeks now, and the chemistry that they have set to burn the stage more than once. It was hard for her to ignore how the guitarist's hands feel on her thighs as he lifts her or the way he wraps himself around her, breathing softly down her neck or brushing his lips teasingly over her cheekbone. Both are very physical to show affection so small contacts such as hugs or caresses, as well as small kisses on the cheek or hand were very recurrent. They had also gone out multiple times alone and with their friends, from the cinema, the park, to see them play, to small parties at home, to midnight talks.
Reggie was the one who had her alone the most because they were lab partners, but no matter how hard the bassist tried to get information from the girl, he never succeeded. The truth is that not even she knows what is happening with the guitarist, she is for the first time in her life letting herself be carried away and enjoying the moment, and she’s loving it.
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Luke and Alex are in detention after the brown haired boy made a mess in the classroom by putting together a little concert with the help of the blonde, and as they die of boredom, his mind can’t help to go to her for the 14th time of the day. "How did she end up in the show choir?"
Alex is blank for a few seconds but analyzes the question and realizes who they are talking about. “Spectacular used to be the most important show choir in the country, led by her mother, may she rest in peace. Y/N always wanted to be a part of it and when she lost her, it became a goal. She suffered a lot to get to the perfect star we see today, especially because her father is rarely there since he works outside the country. She has practically had to face alone auditions, injuries, she had to learn to sew, comb her hair and put on makeup for the show, sing for hours her solos with no one to encourage her, without mention that the current director could not care less about the group and practically leaves all the work to her. That’s why she’s so be fearless, she kind of has to."
“I didn’t know.” The sight of Y/N as happy as ever with his mother when he took her home for lunch the week before appears in his memory. She looked radiant as she ate his mother's famous stew and listened to stories of little Luke as he gently stroked her thigh while songwriting with his other hand. When was the last time she got to experience something as homelike as that? Luke probably doesn’t want to know.
Alex's sad voice brings him back to the conversation.“I was supposed to be there, you know? At first I was. We were going to audition for Spectacular together, but that summer I met you and Sunset Curve was born, and I didn’t have the time anymore so I abandoned her. I knew how important it was for her to have me there, and I didn't even go to her audition. And do you know how many times she has reproached me? Not even one.”
Luke knows that Alex would never hurt her on purpose and that the situation was probably much more complicated than he expresses it, so he reassures him and lets him know that she loves him and is proud that he took his own path. As soon as the blonde calms down, he begins to tell him multiple stories about when he and the girl were kids, the songwriter takes out his journal and begins to add lyrics to the song he has been working on, more inspired than ever.
“You are falling so deeply for her, man. I’m happy for you both.” His friend comments to him while reading the verses written on the paper. He totally is.
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“Bowling, nice. I'm going to finish you off, Patterson.”
“As sexy as your confidence sounds, I'm not going to let you win.”
“I'm pretty sure you've never gone bowling.” Alex adds with furrowed eyebrows.
“Your point is, Mercer?” She wrinkles her nose and sticks out her tongue. Reggie chuckles amused.
"How can you be so sure that you are going to win?"
“Oh, my dear cute blonde. I’m good at everything.” She makes a slight remark on everything with her eyes fixed on the guitarist, who chokes while blushing.
She smiles cheekily at him and confidently steps into the room, Sunset Curve behind as Alex and Reggie tease Luke for being completely whipped.
Happiness doesn't last long when the first thing they see inside is Damian Miller along with a couple of his new teammates. The moment their eyes meet, Y/N seems to melt, but not in the good way.
Her firm and perfect posture now all bent as she embraces herself with her arms and tries with the strength that has left to hold her gaze at the person who took everything from her without much more than an empty sorry.
When she feels the guitarist at her side again, she unconsciously stretches her hand to intertwine her fingers with him, who tilts his head to see their hands together and then to see her face.
She is not doing it to make Damian jealous, but to feel supported. And when Luke realizes it, he can't help not feeling angry at the boy in from of them. In the month that he has been with her, he has never seen her doubt, fear, or believe anything less than that she is unstoppable. And today for the first time ever he sees her intimidaded, and the fact that it's because of a jerk like this makes it even worse.
He rubbs her hand to make her feel less anxious and when she turns to meet his eyes, he brings his index finger to her chin and winks at her, hoping she gets the message. She seems to do it because she immediately smiles playfully and begins to look more relaxed.
The guitarist is aware that Damian was his firecracker's first boyfriend, and he also knows how much he betrayed her love and trust. No matter how strong the woman is, her reaction is completely normal and valid, and that she has the confidence to be vulnerable and let him be there for her means a lot to him.
“Princess.” Damian whispers as he moves closer to her, his eyes fixed on Y/N and Luke's clasped hands.
“I’m not your princess, Y/L is just fine. Listen, Damian. I could pretend this is not uncomfortable and boring but, I don't want to. So yeah, excuse us.”
She pulls the hand that joins her to Luke to make him walk and Alex and Reggie follow behind them, looking at her ex boyfriend with little smiles of pride. Alex knows how much Damian turned off Y/N’s spark and seeing her put him in his place makes him feel so proud.
"So someone is going to teach me bowling or what?"
“I’ll do it baby, but another day. Today we came here with a different purpose.” Luke points to the large Rock the World machine located in a comfortable corner space.
“Of course, is always about music with you, eh Patterson?” She smirks, getting a little closer to him.
“Pretty much, but I can tell that attracts you, Y/L.” He wrinkles his nose, his lips parting slightly.
“Hell yeah it does.” he smirks, not at all expecting her to admit it so openly but he definitely should have seen it coming.
“Good thing I’m into dominant firecrackers then.”
“Could you stop flirting for a second and start playing? I have plans to destroy Alex and your daily session of sexual tension is not going to ruin it.”
Both smile at Reggie while Y/N takes the games microphone and Luke the guitar. The song that Y/N chooses is She’s so gone by Naomi Scott, and it goes without saying that the boys have never played it in their lives but they love a challenge.
The mastery with which the girl interprets the song makes a good number of people come to see the round, including her ex-boyfriend and his new friends.
“Here I am, this is me, and I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be. Are you shocked? Are you mad? That you're missing out on who I really am.”
The singer sings the verse directly towards Damian, as his friends start pointing out and teasing him. Reggie goes over to tell Luke he thought he would join her, but the guitarist only replies, "I want to see her shine."
She gets carried away with the music and draws Luke to her, jumping and twirling to the beat of the music. The guitarist hyping her up every single second og the song. At the end the night was incredible, the four of them spent it singing, dancing and even bowling, which Y/N ended up dominating from the second round.
Luke thought that there would be no better time than that night to show her what he had been working on, so after saying goodbye to her he went to Alex’s where he had left his journal.
Before he can say goodbye to the blond, screams are heard from the house next door. “I wasn't trying to embarrass you, Damian!”
“No? So what were you doing shaking your hips against the rock boy?”
“I don't have to explain anything to you, but I think it's pretty obvious why I wanted to be against that body, have you seen it?” She says it playfully with her eyes fixed on the guitarist, who is walking with the blonde to her door, her eyes glinting wickedly in the dark. He chuckles, knowing it's the girl's way of reassure him and she smiles as she sees his expressions relax.
“Everything alright, firecracker?” Luke does not stand in front of her like a brave prince, he stops a meter from both of them and asks before intervening, and that makes her heart melt. Because he wants to hear her first, he trusts that she can take care of it and has the confidence to tell him if she needs help, which is also completely valid. And it's something she has to work on, know that there are also times when it's okay to trust someone. That you don't always have to carry the weight alone.
“Go away, punk. My girl and I are in the middle of something.” The three of them start laughing at the ex-boyfriend's intimidation attempt, who seems to get angrier with every laugh that comes out of their mouths.
“I’m fine baby, but you guys could show him the way out? I’m tired of his bullshit.” She asks the boy with a cute smile, and he would disintegrate over the nickname if her horrible ex-boyfriend and her best friend weren't there.
"Don't touch me, I’ll go. Right now the numbers are not working in my favor so we will fix this where it really matters, on stage. Let's see if this attempt at a singer can save you from total humiliation, because let's be honest Y/N, you are nothing without me."
The faces of both members of Sunset Curve begin to tense, Luke's fists completely white from how much he's clenching them. For her part, the singer, who is already used to that type of comments from her ex-boyfriend, only tells him "yes, yes, you're right. It was a pleasure Dami, never come back." while pushing him to the other side to make him go away.
The nickname comes off her tongue in the most natural way in the world, she doesn't even seem to notice it and Luke feels some annoyance hearing it. As if someone had hit him in the stomach. But immediately the discomfort goes away when the girl turns to them again with a big smile and runs to hug them excitedly.
“Thanks for coming to check me out, guys. Things can sometimes get out of control with him.”
"We will always be there for you when you need us, okay? I actually went into Alex's house to get something I wanted to show you but it's late, I’ll come back tomorrow." The blonde turns from his friend to the other, a tired smile appears on his lips as he passes Luke his journal to place his arm on his childhood friend and lean on her.
"No, don't go please. Damian was pretty mad and... I don't want to be alone." She can be very dramatic at times but the fear in her voice sounds sincere, and remembering the scream that brought them outside in the first place Alex imagines how scared she really was before seeing them show up and his heart clenches at the thought.
“O- Okay, sure.” He sounds nervous but the excitement is evident in the way his left leg keeps moving, just like when he's on stage.
“I do have to go in, you already know mom. Will you be alright with just Luke?” He already knows the answer from the girl's radiant gaze but it doesn't hurt to confirm. She hugs him tightly with her arms around his neck and whispers a "Yes, I love you but go away already." which makes the drummer laugh out loud while high-fiving his other friend goodbye.
The third wheel enters his house and finally they are alone. She smiles and takes him by the hand to enter the house. Luke takes a moment to admire it, everything is in place but there are several instruments throughout the living room. A keyboard on the couch, a guitar next to the TV, even a tambourine on the table.
"May l?" He walks over to the guitar and turns to see the girl nodding and pointing up the stairs for him to follow. Her room is quite similar to her style, white is the predominant color but there are many details in pink and gold, as well as multiple yellow lights giving a romantic tone to the room at midnight.
“Do you want to show me now?” she asks eagearly, with joined hands, closed eyes and pursed lips.
“Y- yeah... of course.” He sits on the rug and puts the guitar aside, then puts his notebook between his legs and when he finds the sheet he is looking for, he carefully tears it off. The girl looks at him adoringly, the happiness of having him with her making her heart beat louder in her chest. She sits across from him making sure to brush his legs and waits for him to speak.
“Here.” He looks nervous, his cheeks totally flushed as he avoids eye contact for the first time since they met.
Y/N takes the sheet in his hands and a huge warm smile appears on her face when he sees the guitarist's terrible lyrics. BRIGHT written and highlighted several times in the title.
“It’s for you.” Luke whispers while bringing his face closer to hers, making her shiver.
“You wrote me a song?” She doesn't know what to say. Since her mom, no one had done anything so beautiful, considerate, and selfless for her. Something so vulnerable and full of love.
“Don’t be mad, but Alex told me a little about how you ended up in show choir, your friendship with him, your mom.” He turns to see her looking for her reaction, she just nods to tell him it’s okay to continue. “A sweet story about a little girl with the voice of an angel who loved to sing love songs. And you know what was in my head all that night? That even though I've never written one, I would write millions of love songs for you.”
Some tears fall from the girl's face, she carefully places the lyrics on the guitar and throws herself on the guitarist, who falls in surprise against the carpet, making sure to grab her by the waist so that she falls safely on his chest. She rests her arms on either side of his head and brings her lips against Luke's, brushing them gently.
Luke doesn't move a muscle, not wanting to do something to make her uncomfortable, when he suddenly hears her talk. “And what about teeth? I mean is not the sweetest love story ever told but-”
The boy chuckles, Y/N's curious eyes a few inches away. “Alex wrote that one after his first breakup, Reggie and I did the melody.”
“Good. Guess we’ll have to start making some experiences to help you write all that songs.” At that moment she finally pushes her lips against his, both in a moment of euphoria at the taste of each other. She presses her body against him and he bites lightly with his teeth on her lower lip to shove his tongue against her mouth in response. Her little hands pulling his hair hard as his hands go down her butt. Both of them enjoying what they had been dreaming of for so long.
When the two finally separate they fall in a comfortable silence, she starts to admire his facial features, delicately running her fingers through his nose, his mouth, his cheekbones, until he interrumpts her. “I knew you want me from the beginning, I could see the lust in your eyes. Everything about the choir was a complex plan to get me under you.” Luke affirms with his best poker face, and sees clearly how her eyes fill with light while a pure laugh escapes from her now swollen lips.
“And as always, I achieved the goal. The hot local rockstar is sleeping on my bed tonight.” No matter how hard he tries, he can never catch her off guard and he always ends up being the one blushing. She kisses him softly before getting up and taking the song lyrics back. “Luke, do you mind if I sing a bit of the song?”
“Of course not, it's yours. I will accompany you with the guitar, from the pre-choir?”
She nods and begins to sing the words he wrote for her. “Life is a risk but I will take it, close my eyes and jump. Together I think that we can make it, come on, let's run.”
She is reading the choir as she sings and the urge to cry reappears. He's basically telling her that she no longer has to go on living life alone, that she can lean on him, she can trust him to fight by her side. That it can be us instead of I.
“And rise through the night, you and I, we will fight to shine together. Bright forever.”
As soon as they finish singing Luke puts the guitar aside and goes over to wipe the tears from the girl's face. “I know that at first glance it doesn't seem like a love song, but..."
“But it is. It’s perfect, thank you Luke.” She didn't know that someone other than her could make her feel so special, but he proved her wrong, again.
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The night before was like a dream. Y/N sleeping with his shirt while he wrapped her completely in his arms, singing softly in her ear and leaving little kisses on her neck every few verses until she fell asleep. At this point there is no way to deny how completely in love he is with her.
“Man, we need to talk.” His blonde friend wakes him up from his daydream and starts pulling him down the hall to an empty table in the cafeteria, where Reggie is already waiting for them.
They both sit down and Alex takes a deep breath as he plays with his fingers, trying to form coherent sentences with the words in his head. “Bobby called last night.” Luke's gaze instantly shifted to disgust, while Reggie looks quite shocked.
“So? What did he want?” Luke whispers, trying to sound disinterested.
“He sent some of our videos to an important person at Destiny Management and they are interested in the band. He said that if we comply with certain requests he will give the money for us to record the demo this Friday so that it’s ready for the appointment."
“And I guess you told him we don't need him or his money. What did he answer you? He cried?" the guitarist asks with an amused face, but his friends just look at each other.
“Don't you think we should think more about it? What happens if we don't win nationals? We’ll have lost something as sure as Bobby's deal for nothing."
“She’s my friend and I love her but I have to agree, Luke. As difficult as it is, our priority has to be Sunset Curve, not Spectacular"
“But-”
“They are right, Luke.” All three look at the girl, as pale as If they had seen a ghost. “Spectacular is my dream, And I know I'd do anything for it. It would be unfair of me to get angry because you’re fighting for yours. Don't hesitate, if anyone can find a way out of this it's me.”
“But, the duet...”
“I’ll just have to be the melody and the words. I’ll be fine, and honestly I'm so proud of you guys, I know you will be rock legends one day.” All three feel guilty but don't know what to say or do to make it right. She goes over to hug the drummer and the bassist who take her in their arms with all their strength, a “I’m so sorry” from the blonde accompanied by an “I know” from the girl can be heard. Then she stands in front of the guitarist and kisses his lips intensely, but breaking away painfully fast. The guys leave lovers alone for a moment of privacy.
“I believe in you, baby. You are destined to be a star, forget everything else, even me. Take the moment and knock them off their feet.” She kisses him lightly on the lips and walks a few steps back. “This month was the happiest of my life in a long time, thank you. Guess I’ll see you guys around.”
“Why do you sound like you are saying goodbye? And a horrible one? I thought you were good at everything.” Luke walks over to her again and places his hands on her cheeks, rubbing them gently. His voice is shaky and his eyes are glassy, she snorts at his sudden taunt, a little smile covered with the tears.
“Once everyone gets back to their own business, do you think you'll still have time for me? Alex is my damn neighbor, and we couldn't keep in touch.” And Luke gets it. She is used to being alone, to people not being permanent in her life. Neither her parents, nor her best friend, nor her boyfriend, nor anyone else has stayed. So this time to protect herself she decided that he too was going to leave, that it would be foolish to think that he of all possible people would stay.
“I‘m not letting you go baby, you're the only one I would let to boss me around.” The girl laughs when she remembers the millions of times she had to correct him and how he always ended up making her blush in some way, especially when they danced. She can't remember telling him but dancing with him has been the most special thing she has ever experienced. She danced with Damian for years and it never felt like the first time Luke put her long, strong hands on her waist and pulled her close to him. She can only hope to feel that way again one day.
“You are my one and only, firecracker. We’ll find a way, neither of us is a quitter.”
They say that actions are worth a thousand words, and Luke had definitely missed his first chance to show Y/N that he was serious about them by not getting in time to wish her good luck before she left with the group to the city of the competition, a few hours from there. He couldn't help but feel more miserable when he returned to the studio and found a small yellow sheet in his journal.
“You got this, rockstar. I have so much faith in you, so go make me proud. And I don’t want you feeling guilty, okay? I always want to see you shine, baby, no matter what. Your firecracker, Y/N.” Luke laughs softly, dazzled by her attempt to be sweet. If she trusts him so much, why doesn't he return the favor? She assured him they could win and when she says something, she follows through.
Why ruin his life with all of Bobby's ridiculous demands while ditching his girl in the process when he can go sing with her and do band things their way, without selling their soul to the devil. He sits on the couch thinking about what to say to the boys when they both rush in and pick him up, one from his feet and the other from his arms.
“What the hell are you two planning this time?” Luke sounds annoyed but does nothing to stop them from moving him, they throw him into the back of the car and he hits his head, getting him to kick them before they close the door.
"I'm not going to let her down again, I can’t."
"Yeah, and surely we can win, the number is spectacular... do you understand what I did there?”
Alex rolls his eyes and Luke smiles. They drive at full speed to Luke’s for him to take all his things and when he returns to the car, stands thoughtfully by the window.
“What are you doing?!” Alex is not having it, looks like a vein is going to burst from stress any second now.
“Do you think we’ll make it?” Questioned the guitarist, clearly nervous.
“If you stop asking stupid as fuck questions and get in the car, maybe.” Luke pouts but listens and finishes loading everything in the trunk.
The road is full of music to try to calm all the nerves, there was also plenty of time to rehearse the number over and over again, Luke analyzing in his mind every move he had to make, from time to time his bossy girl correcting him in his head. The only difficult thing was probably changing into the costumes, especially for Alex.
They arrive directly to register and the band turns pale when they hear the powerful and breathtaking voice of the singer who is playing her solo right now, a heavenly version of 'Never enough’. By the time they are ready to go, the main number has already started, the imposing woman in the very center of the stage with one of the boys of the group, who although does not have the voice of the guitarist, is making a good effort. Damian is on the other side, staring at her with a superiority smirk and Luke can't help but want to punch him.
“I never realized how anyone could make everything so right, I was so sad, you brought me back.” Alex quickly indicates to him how to enter the stage from the back, and Luke prepares to jump in time for the chorus, taking care of not being seen as he climbs the platform. The song is an old pop-rock song from the 80s, specifically chosen to make the guitarist's voice shine. He and his firecracker sat listening to music for hours until they finally found it, the girl's eyes shining with excitement as she imagined all she could do with the potential of the melody.
“You give me something to believe in, after all that we've been through.” He appears on the platform just in time, the lights and smoke coming out right in his grand entrance. Y/N turns immediately upon hearing her voice and he dances his way towards her.
“The love you give, it all comes back to you. You give me something to believe in, you can see the real me. And here with you is where I'm meant to be.” both singing together the remainder of the chorus and dancing to the beat. The biggest smile he has seen in his girl since he met her on her beautiful face. With that he feels satisfied with his decision, whatever happens, win or lose, it was worth it.
“And here we are together side by side, and nothing seems impossible tonight.” the duet between them is electrifying as always, he puts his hands on her thighs and lifts her with ease, both of them moving and enjoying themselves as if they were the only ones in the place. The dance ends as the first time they danced in the auditorium when he showed her that he was the right option, he holds her with one arm, their lips inches from touching but holding the magnetism back for a few more seconds until finally leave the stage.
As soon as they are backstage Y/N throws herself at Luke, wrapping her legs around his hips and devouring his lips with hers. “Someone missed me.” Luke whispers catching his breath.
"I can't believe you guys did this for me." Expressed the girl as she turns to see her other two friends, still wrapped around Luke who has her tightly held with his huge arms around her butt.
“We trust you as much as you trust us. We know that you will win, you worked like nobody for this moment.” Affirmed the blonde, giving her a small kiss on the forehead.
“I feel like I won already.” And she did. She won the trophy, the money for the demo, friends, and a ridiculously gorgeous rockstar who drove her crazy in more ways than one. All this years working hard were finally worth it... and Damian throwing a tantrum in the middle of the stage felt good too, not gonna lie.
“When are you going to ask me to be your boyfriend? As much as I love you more than anything, a man has to have some pride, you know? We've been together for like 5 months and I'm getting desperate.” They are both lying together on the girl's bed, their legs intertwined as he makes little circles with his fingers on his girl's stomach.
She raises her head resting her hand on his bare chest, her thoughts impossible to read. What are you talking about? I'm waiting for you to ask me!” He chuckles, prepared to tease her. “Bu-”she interrumpts him, pushing the hand that is resting on him to sit down. “Ba-”
“Wait a second, Lucas!” He bites his lip, he never liked being called by his name but for some reason it sounds incredibly sensual when she says it. “Yeah, baby?”
“D- did you say you love me?”
“I did, and I do. Everybody knows you've got me trapped in your claws.” He jokes to make her laugh, and he succeeds.
“I love you too, so much.”
“I know baby.” He winks teasingly at her. “Returning to the topic, you are the most bossy and confident person I have ever met, and you want to tell me that you were waiting for me to take the first step? Doesn’t sound like my firecracker. You literally pretended to be a sunset curve super fan to get my attention.”
"I totally did, I was awesome, first thing next day you were at the auditorium.” She says proud while Luke rolls his eyes with a smile. “But if it makes you feel better, I'm 100% a fan now, and...You are completely right, for once.”
She takes a deep breath, intertwining her fingers with his. “Lucas Patterson, I want you, if we're being honest, probably from the first time I saw you at that Sunset Curve gig we met at. You are annoying, cocky, passionate, and I love you with all my heart. Be my boyfriend... please.”
“There it is, that’s my girlfriend.” His eyes full of lust after hearing that she wanted him from the first night, he draws her closer to him to push his lips against hers, his girlfriend's tongue quickly dancing with his.
"Oh my god, we already talked about this, close the damn window, I don't want to hear it!” The blonde cries from his balcony, the couple can't help but laugh before joining their lips again.
Thank you for reading ✨
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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 3 years
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Hi Maddie, first of all thank you for everything you do for us. I'm having a hard time letting go of these thoughts about my bf finding someone better than me, getting tired of me or liking this other girl he keeps talking to and being friendly even though she told him she liked him twice (before we were together). And I know it's my own insecurities and me being jealous bc they're only friends even if they talk everyday, and I should trust him more but my problem is that I keep having these thoughts, and I fear I'll make it happen with the law of attraction/Murphy's Law/Manifestation and all that crap. I know I KNOW how dumb and pathetic that sounds, but I don't know what else to do. I can't tell him all this, dumping my own insecurities on him. But whenever he acts distant or ignores me or whatever it starts to happen again. I start feeling insecure and afraid. And I realize that no way of being in a relationship, always fearing he might leave me for this other girl. What should I do?
I want to preface this with saying that I always find it hard to relate to that kind of jealousy you are describing because I am not prone to being jealous at all. I can relate to some of the other insecurities you are mentioning regarding him acting “distant”. I just want to say this because I really don’t know if my understanding of jealousy in the sense of ~fearing your partner might leave you for someone else or cheat on you~ is nuanced enough and I cannot speak from experience in terms of how to get rid of jealousy. Anyway....
In my opinion you are kinda right and wrong about “not dumping your insecurities onto him”. Right in the sense that you should not expect of him to stop talking to other girls or this girl in particular and that he cannot fix your insecurities for you. But wrong in the sense that you absolutely should be able to tell your partner that you recognise some issues of insecurity and jealousy within yourself and that you try to work on that. Play with open cards here.
You already know that this is your problem to work on but that is much easier when your partner knows that you are working on it and doesn’t keep observing some weird behaviour from you without really knowing what’s on your mind.
Admitting that you have insecurities isn’t the same as acting jealous. When you say “I have these trust issues and I want to work on that” then you make it clear that you recognise it as your problem. Jealousy would be if you make it his problem. And you are already aware that this wouldn’t be good. But I don’t think it would be helpful if you kept all of this away from him. He is your partner after all and one way of working on this could be to have an open conversation about these issues and what triggers them for you. And that’s not to tell him “I’m insecure about x so you have to stop doing x”. It’s to tell him “I am aware that this is something I have to work on and I hope I have your support in this”.
What can help is therapy to get to the root of why you are having such a low self-esteem and trust issues. If you generally got problems with anxiety that probably adds a lot to that, too, and can be addressed in therapy. Another (possibly additional) approach is also to learn to get your self-worth out of other things and not just from your relationship/your partner. You gotta learn to accept that even a relationship that’s going fine might end one day for various reasons you can’t control - because someone falls out of love, because of outer circumstances or incompatibility, whatever. And life still goes on. You never know what’s gonna happen and it’s best you try to enjoy it in the moment for as long as the moment lasts. And in order to do so you gotta learn to trust your partner when he says that he loves you and wants to be with you. There is always the chance one of you could fall out of love or you grow apart - that can happen with or without other people in your lives. And if he doesn’t give you a good reason to believe he’s unfaithful (and being friends with a girl isn’t a good reason!) then you just gotta learn to believe him when he says he loves you.
It can take some time to internalise this but for example when you think he is behaving “distant” it’s possible that that’s not at all how he sees/means it. He might just be busy and that’s his goddamn right - he doesn’t have to be available 24/7 to prove his loyalty and love to you. And you know that in theory. But part of ~working on it~ is to constantly remind yourself that him having a life as an individual human being doesn’t mean he loves you any less. He is allowed to have a rich life including some aspects that have nothing to do with you. Maybe he can give you that reminder, too, sometimes... but mostly you gotta hammer that into your brain yourself again and again. You have to learn that you are significant in other people’s lives even when you are not around, even when they are not talking to you right now. Just like you don’t stop loving him on a day when you have a thousand other things on your plate. I’m gonna take the wild guess that you a) do not actually think about him ALL THE TIME and b) that you have other people that you are close to whom you also love in some way and their existence doesn’t minimise what you feel for him.
I had some relationship insecurities as well for a while (and I can’t guarantee they will never pop up again). The only thing that helped was to talk about it. I’m in my first proper relationship and some issues I didn’t ever expect to come up within me but they did and if I hadn’t said something to him then we probably would’ve broken up just bc I would have piled it all up. But I sat him down, talked about it, we tried to understand the problem together and then find a solution. And sometimes that was a solution only I could work on and other times it was something he would have to work on or both of us. A lot of it was rooted in my anxiety and previous bad experiences (with friendships and family) and whenever I feel that coming up in me I have to take a step back and be like “no, Maddie, he isn’t this ex friend who hurt you” or “this is NOT the same thing as that other situation from 10 years ago”. That is something I have to do on my own - but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have told him about those memories and be like “hey, I think some of my anxieties in our relationship are tied to this and that experience from my past”. It helps him to understand me better, to know me better. And it helps me to not have to explain myself all the time because he ~understands me now~ and he sees that I’m making progress, you know?
Maddie
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Do you have any advice for getting off my ass and actually making progress towards losing weight? I'm morbidly obese and I hate living like this, I binge eat all the time and I'm constantly terrified that I'm going to be stuck like this and I've done irreparably damage to my body/organs that will kill me. But I'm so terrified that I won't be able to lose the weight, I'll be hungry all the time, the weight I lose will all come back, I'll have tons of loose skin and look even worse, etc...
Hey anon!
Thanks for dropping by. 
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There’s really no one solution fits all for this kind of situation, but the first thing you need to keep in mind, the absolute most important, is that you’re not alone. 
We’ve all been there. 
It’s very easy to fall into that kind of thinking, you know? Whether you’re comfortable where you are right now or not, it’s your normal, it’s what you’re used to, and the prospect of giving up everything you’re used to can be pretty darn scary.
I get it.
The thing is, what works for me may not motivate you, and what motivates you may not motivate me, and on and on. 
Weight loss is a very personal thing. After all, what leads us to eat to the point of obesity is personal too, and the fears we faced when we think about losing weight are also rooted in personal things, yanno? 
So, what to do? 
Well, the first thing you have to do is to have a chat with yourself. Sit down and think, openly and honestly, with no judgemment, about why you eat the way you do, why you feel like losing weight and what’s stopping you from losing weight.
For the last one, focus on the things you are doing that are keeping you from doing it. Not what you’ve heard from other people. 
See, if I were to do this, I’d say something like: 
Why do I eat the way I do? 
 - Because I grew up overeating. 
 - Because I eat way too fast and don’t feel sated immediately after eating. 
 - Because since it takes a while for the weight gain to show, it’s easy for me to pretend the food I’m eating won’t have any impact in the long run. 
Why do I feel like losing weight? 
- Because I know I can do it. 
- Because I really don’t like my flabby arms. 
- Because I want my hard-earned muscle to be visible. 
- Because I want to arrive to my 30′s in good health.
What’s stopping me from losing weight? 
- Though I’m still chubby, I’m at the thinnest I’ve been, so it’s hard for me to convince myself to lose more weight, even though I want to. 
- I don’t want to put the work needed to lose weight at the moment. I just don’t wanna. 
- I’m worried people will hit on me more.
So, those are my reasons. Those are the reasons why, though I’ve lost weight, I still haven’t hit my goal weight.
I’m too comfortable in my current situation, even though my current situation isn’t ideal. 
What are your reasons? 
Sit down, write them down, be as honest with yourself as possible, and keep those things in mind, because those things will keep popping up over and over again. 
We all hit those walls at the beginning, during the middle, around the end, while maintaining, etc
There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s normal. We’ve all been there. 
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So. 
Now that you know your motivation, weaknesses, etc, you can proceed.
Keeping in mind that you’re about to embark in a tremendous journey of self-discovery, and your fears, motivations, and whatnot will change with time, ask yourself the next question. 
What can I easily change right now?
Believe it or not, weight loss really boils down to moving more and eating less.
It does. 
There are a million and one things that makes us find it hard to eating less and moving more for long enough to lose weight, but the formula does boil down to that. 
So.
Right now. 
Right this moment, as you’re reading this. 
Choose one thing that you can change starting this instant. 
Maybe you can walk a little more
Maybe you can swap a food item for one with less calories. (Soda for flavored water.)
Maybe you can start working out in your living room twice a week. 
Maybe you can skip dessert four times a week. 
Maybe you can walk the dog a little longer. 
I dunno, those are random ideas. Come up with one you can start doing right away and do it. 
No need to go cold-turkey, no need to immediately cut calories, no need to join an insanity program, no need to transform into a gym bunny overnight. (Unless you feel like doing it.)
Just choose something you can start doing right away, and do it. 
Starting every day, make yourself the promise that you’re going to stick to that one thing for the day and do it. 
Do it until it becomes a habit. 
Do it until you no longer have to think about it.
Do it until it becomes so natural you don’t have to think about it anymore. 
And once that happens? 
Choose another thing you can change, and change that one as well.
Maybe this time you’ll focus on reading about people who have lost weight loss permanently. 
Maybe this time you’ll focus on counting calories, or meal planning. 
Maybe this time you’ll focus on training for your first 5k.
Dunno, it’s up to you.
But the same principle applies. 
Choose a new thing you want to change and focus on changing it. 
I guarantee you that you’ll see changes, and that you’ll start losing weight in a way that works for you. 
It won’t be fast, and it won’t be easy since you’re fighting against years and years of deeply ingrained habits, but you’ll be able to do it because you’ll be focused on this one small thing. 
And when you focus on that one small thing, you don’t feel overwhelmed by everything else, you don’t feel like the goal is too far, you don’t feel like you’re demanding too much of yourself, you don’t feel like every little failure will set you back. 
Again, if you want, you can go cold-turkey.
If you want, you can hire a nutritionist, a personal trainer and work your ass off to watch the weight melt off. 
That’s a possibility.
You can do it.
But if it doesn’t appeal to you, there’s no problem.
Start small, start with something you can change right now and focus on changing that one thing until you do it, and then work on changing something else.
What that little thing will be is entirely up to you, but stick to it long enough, be honest with yourself throughout the process and little by little you’ll get there. 
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Patience, consistency, and honesty. 
Those are the only three things that will get you where you want to go.  
As long as you stick to those three from now on, you’ll manage. 
It might not be fast, or glamorous, or easy, but you’ll make it. 
We’ve all been there, we’ve all seen the changes, we’ve all seen it work. 
Now’s your turn to see it for yourself.
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