#i’m such a ho for michael ‘say my name’ guerin

[frankchurchillsaysrelax]

Malex prompt: Alex calls Michael by his first name only on special occasions and only ever during sex. Gimme the one time he chooses to use it in a public setting/not during sex and what Michaels response is

Happy birthday Marlo! I hope this little piece of fluff (angsty fluff? flangst?) brings us luck for tonight’s finale.

i’m on the bench, but coach just put me in the game

Michael never really gave much thought to his name growing up. It was something assigned to him by the system that chewed him up and spit him out. The most generic first name they could have possibly chosen and a last name that holds no meaning to him. Two words that were nothing more than a moniker to help distinguish him from the other troubled boys in the group homes or for foster parents to shout in his face and curse under their breath.

Aside from the, thankfully, short lived Mikey and the occasional hey asshole, he’s only ever had the two names. But over the years he’s noticed the different ways people say them, the tones and inflections that make the words their own.

The clipped way Sanders shouts after him, alternating first and surname, even when they’re in the same room. The enthusiastic screams of Michael from one night stands he was sober enough to remember. Guerin said in the annoyed and occasionally hostile tone Maria has when she’s sick of his bullshit, which is basically always. The exhausted and resigned way everyone in the Sheriff’s office greets him even after he stops being a frequent visitor.

He is only ever Michael to Max and Isobel, a subtle way of ignoring the glaring detail that legally separates them. Isobel did call him by his full name once in anger which led to her freaking out for the next three hours about turning into her mother.

He’s heard them say his name a thousand different ways but at the end of the day he knows what they each are truly trying to convey. Disappointment and condescension from Max, maybe an offer of support if he’s feeling generous. Affection occasionally tinged with disgust from Isobel but always with an underlying level of concern.

Then there is Alex. He’s only ever been Guerin to Alex. Well, that’s not necessarily true. After a week of Alex coming to visit him in his family’s tool shed, Michael had finally asked if Alex just didn’t know his first name. Alex had smiled that beautiful smile that only ever led to confusion in Michael’s head and had given some bullshit excuse about military family habits. Michael didn’t push the issue but a few days later in that same tool shed, a breathy little Michael became his favorite sound in the world.

Over the next decade no matter how hard Michael tried to bliss him out to the point of losing every last one of his military habits, Alex only said it three more times. On a cold night spent in the back of his truck, losing themselves in each other until the sun rose signaling the day Alex would leave for Afghanistan. During the one and only time Michael ever attempted a romantic gesture, making the five hour trip to Dyess to surprise Alex on his birthday only to be fucked in the alley behind a bar and sent on his way back to Roswell.

The last time he heard it was that first night they were together again after Alex came home, when Michael ran his gnarled fingers over the sensitive skin of Alex’s stump with nothing but love and acceptance, and Michael was full of hope for the first time in ten years, ready to throw everything away if only Alex would keep saying his name like it was precious, like Michael was something special.

Now they’re friends, friends who don’t have sex, and he is back to being nothing more than Guerin. So he really can’t be held responsible for what happens.

“Michael, hurry up, I’m not losing to these idiots!”

Max and Liz’s cries of indignation are drowned out by the crashing of the newly purchased round of drinks slipping out of Michael’s fingers. Distantly he hears Maria cursing him out but his entire being is focused on Alex sitting at their table in oblivious confusion.

Isobel is out of her seat like lightning, concerned hands shaking him from his stupor. His eyes don’t leave Alex but his tongue loosens enough to prove he’s not having a stroke. “You called me Michael.”

“He does know that’s his name right?”

“Shut up, Kyle.”

Recognition sparks in Alex’s eyes but before he can make excuses or brush it off, Maria runs the yellow mop bucket into Michael’s leg, hard.

“Clean it up, Guerin.” She stomps away and Isobel follows her probably in search of an angry makeout session in the storeroom. Those two aren’t fooling anybody.

Michael gets to work and does his best to ignore the curious gazes of his friends as well as half the bar. Heat rises in his cheeks despite his best efforts. When he’s done he wheels the mop towards the back just in time to see Isobel exit the storeroom looking entirely too pleased with herself.

“Your lipstick’s smudged.” He grins at the cheeky wink she throws over her shoulder glad that she is finding some happiness for herself these days.

A minute later, Maria exits the closet, hair mussed and eyes a little dazed. They go wide when she sees him standing there. Without comment, he pushes the mop towards her and she yanks it back with a bit too much force.

“You’re paying for those glasses.” He winces under her steely glare but nods in agreement. She tilts her head to the side, face softening into something friendlier. “You want to talk about it?”

He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks back onto his heels, hoping that the hallway is too dark for her to notice his blush returning. “It was stupid. He just surprised me s’all.”

“Surprised by what? That Alex needed your help in trivia?” She seems truly baffled and Michael is tempted to just say yes.

“He said Michael. I half expected that after ten years he was too ashamed to admit he didn’t know my name.” The chuckle that forced itself from his throat around the lie is pitiful at best and Maria only looks more confused.

“What are you talking about? He calls you Michael all the time.” She moves to return the mop to the broom closet and he follows her.

“No he doesn’t.” Four times in intensely private moments does not constitute ‘all the time’ by any stretch of the imagination.

Maria closes the closet door and leans her shoulder against it, staring up at him with the look she gets when she’s doing a reading. Fortunately, she told him a long time ago that he was impossible to get a read on. She whips her phone out of her back pocket and sends a quick text, shushing Michael when he tries to ask what she’s doing.

Kyle rounds the corner a moment later. He approaches them with raised eyebrows and a smirk. “You rang?”

Maria gets right to it. “Have you ever heard Alex call him Michael?”

“Yes.” He drags the single syllable out obnoxiously as if the answer were obvious. “Seriously, dude, did you forget your name? You haven’t even had that much to drink.”

Michael is completely bewildered by this conversation. Kyle’s right, he’s only had the one beer but he feels like he’s having an out of body experience.

“He’s really never called you by your first name to your face?” Maria sounds almost wounded by this notion.

Not unless he’s inside me. Michael has more sense than to say that out loud so he just shakes his head.

“That’s rough, man.” Michael rolls his eyes and shoves past Kyle, going back out into the noisy bar.

Across the room his friends are laughing, teasing each other over wrong answers and trying to trip each other up. Alex sits stiffly in his chair; an island of tension in their sea of fun. He glances back towards where Michael is standing and their eyes meet, locking onto each other. Michael’s breath catches the tiniest bit and he hates himself. He steels himself and walks back to the table with his head held high.

“I think I’m gonna head out.” He flashes a smile that he hopes is convincing and avoids Alex’s gaze that he can feel crawling over his skin. “Before I owe Deluca for any more glasses.”

There is a chorus of goodbyes as everyone continues their own conversations. Michael grabs his jacket and moves swiftly towards the exit.

“Guerin, wait!” Michael stops in the middle of the Pony’s parking lot, hanging his head and wishing that he was capable of just walking away. He turns slowly, swallowing the bitter taste of harsh reality.

Alex is standing closer than he’d anticipated and suddenly Michael wishes he’d brought his hat so he could conceal his face from the too bright street lamps before it can give too much away.

Alex’s tentative smile is enough to stop him from biting his tongue. “So it’s Guerin again?” He doesn’t know why he is getting so worked up about this. Some mixture of embarrassment and his inability to stop loving the man in front of him no doubt.

Alex exhales a slow breath like he’s preparing for something arduous and takes a step closer. Again, before he can say anything, Michael plunges ahead.

“Because according to Deluca and Valenti you have no problem saying my name. So why is it you only seem to remember it when we’re having sex or I’m not there at all?”

Alex looks like he’s trying hard not to scream and Michael knows he’s being a dick, but Alex is the one who followed him out here so he doesn’t feel too badly about it. He should probably just turn around and go home, forget this ever happened.

“It was the last barrier I had.” At the first sign of retreat Alex is dragging him back to the front line. “Saying your name just seemed, I don’t know, too intimate? I couldn’t say it when I wasn’t ready to go all in, it felt like I was leaving myself unprotected. But I’ve always known your name, Michael.”

Michael is a genius so even when Alex renders him dumb, he’s still fairly smart. His brain works to connect the dots while the echoing of his heartbeat drowns everything else out.

He couldn’t say it when he wasn’t ready to go in, but he’s saying it now.

Michael takes a half step closer until he can reach out and grab his hands. He doesn’t say anything, staring straight into Alex’s eyes waiting for any sign that he’s misread the situation. Alex’s gaze flickers down to his mouth in a move that Michael hasn’t seen in far too long. He has to bite down hard on his bottom lip to keep his grin under control.

“Do you wanna go out to dinner on Friday? With me? On a date?” He’s leaving no room for miscommunication on this.

Alex looks shocked, but pleasantly so. He twines their fingers together and Michael is mesmerized by the way his face lights up, smile growing slowly. “I’d love to.”

Michael lifts his eyebrows expectantly. He’s waited so long, he wants to hear it again and again and again.

Alex rolls his eyes but uses their joined hands to tug Michael until they’re pressed chest to chest, lips inches apart. “I’d love to, Michael.”

#bestillmyslashyheart #my fic #prompts #malex #malex fic #roswell new mexico #i loved this prompt so much #i’m such a ho for michael ‘say my name’ guerin

[thealternatemind]

Rules: name ten favourite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.) then tag ten people.

@ellacj thank you i love you this one was so much fun i have so much to say!!!

so...... i ended up writing a lot. i love fictional characters a lot, okay?

caleb widogast (critical role) -- what can i say? traumatized, mentally ill yet incredibly silly nerd that adores cats and his friends???? um.... me? in all seriousness, i relate to him a lot, and he serves as a huge comfort character for me. i adore him, and even that word doesn’t suffice how much he means to me.

ronan lynch (the raven cycle/dream trilogy) -- i appreciate an angry character, especially when that angry character grows into something more. he’s so dynamic and has changed so much from trb, which is fascinating, since he himself believes that he’s static

yennefer of vengerberg (the witcher) -- she doesn’t get enough love from the fandom. she is a complicated, angry, and traumatized woman written FOR women. she has been taught to maintain control her whole life, when all she wants to do is SCREAM. the woman experience right there.

michael guerin (roswell new mexico) -- i saw a bisexual disaster, and i said, “that. i like that.” this show is trash, but the characters make me love it. michael is filled with love and struggles so hard to express it, especially when love his whole life, whether romantic or platonic, has been tied to pain.

lydia martin (teen wolf) -- i was a teen wolf kid from 2012-2016, man. i worshiped this show in my teenage years, and lydia was a huge part of that. seems like a nasty, shallow girl on the surface. underneath, she is so deeply caring and soft and intelligent.... also she made me realize i was gay

gorgug thistlespring (fantasy high) -- i just started fantasy high!! gorgug is ADORABLE. awkward nerd boy? hey it’s my character type! he’s just really dumb and wants the best for his friends and to find his father and just... i love that about him. also he’s bi/pan, which automatically makes me adore a character more.

neil josten (the foxhole court/all for the game) -- SASSY BASTARD KING. i binge read the first book in one sitting, and i remember the MOMENT he roasted riko on live television, that he would go down in history as one of my faves. he cares so little about his own well-being but adores his friends and andrew so much... he’s so, so funny in a dry way, and he doesn’t even know it

sirius black (harry potter) --  i’m a marauders ho. y’all know that. fanon sirius gives me life. he’s been through such a rough, hard life. it’s made him desperate for attention. it’s made him vain and mean, but that doesn’t stop him loving his friends so, so much... he would do anything for them.

steve harrington (stranger things) -- steve. everybody loves good ol’ steve. he’s a classic himbo. his best friend’s a lesbian. he’s great with kids! he has awesome hair! what isn’t there to love? i just wanna chill with him, ya know?

isak valtersen (skam) -- BOI. what a little snake, amiright? he’s an icon though. i couldn’t not include him. he goes from a slimy little asshole to an adorably sweet little asshole! he messes up constantly, which i love. but he always comes back from those mistakes. he apologizes. he grows. from season 1 through 4, he changed so, so much.

i’m probs not tagging 10 ppl cuz i don’t think i know that many but i’ll tag some mutuals! @vvlcanspock @gleedegrassi-bigfan @221buckythesoldier @breadsacrifice @hallieisntbritish @littlecajunlady @quoththeraven-fuck @my-mind-is-a-weapon @thirst-god brace yourselves, i’m about to tag y’all in another haha!

as always, no pressure to finish this! i just think they’re fun. (:

#personal #tag game