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cherryc1nnam0n · 1 year

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Thank you for calling...

Chapter 1: "New card"

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Chapter summary: Eddie calls everyday for as long as he needs to until he hears you talking to him, how long can he play coy until you catch his drift?

He had been going at it for some hours now, calling and calling until he would hear your sweet voice on the line

Name after name he wrote down and counted how many times they had answered his call, he had a patron figured out

From Ashley to Tony, Joe, Luke, Emmanuel, Kendall, Amy, no one was you...

But he wouldn't give up that easily... He kept trying, even if he just needed to get a new card he wouldn't accept anyone else, only you...

Hell he had even started praying for you to answer this call, it rang and suddenly...

"Good morning and thank your for calling National Bank, my name is Y/n, who do I have the pleasure of assisting?"

His heart skipped eight beats at once, it was you!

"You have the pleasure of assisting Eddie Munson" he replied smugly

You on the other line, copied his Social Security Number into a note pad and then into the system, rolling your eyes playfully, it's him again you thiught

"...Hi Mr. Munson, how are you doing today?" You said while the system loaded his information, then selected his checking account and checked for blocks or holds, nothing, great

"I'm doing better now that I listen to you sweetheart" he said with relief

"That's sweet, and how can I help you?"

"You see, I've been calling all morning and no one seems to understand my problem"

You felt sweat form in your back, when customers said that it was something really bad, so you went into the notes of his profile, no red flags, no notes that should concern you, only lots of notes saying that he hung up when they did the opening message

So that is his problem you had figured out, his problem was everyone else not being you

You recognized your note from last time

Authenticated manually, DOB, SSN, CVV2. Card activation.

"Tell me about it Mr. Munson"

"Okay first, call me Eddie you're like my age I feel old, second, I need a new card" he felt ashamed of saying it now "You see uhm, I accidentally sat on it and it broke, can you help me sweetheart?"

You could almost laugh but kept it in "Of course uhm Eddie I can help you with that" you hesitated on calling him his real name, not really used to doing that with your customers

"Thanks sweetheart" He loves that nickname huh

"Of course, would you be able to tell me the last four digits of the card?"

9527 read the system

"Uhm lemme see if I can figure them out... It's seems like they are 95 is that a 2? And a 7 yeah"

"Thank you" you selected the card and went to the menu to flag it as damages and get him a new one "Can you please confirm me your full address?"

"Ooooh, she knows where I live" he teased "It's 1764 trailer 8 Trailer Park Hawkins, Indiana 75765"

You read it with him and it was the right address, nodding happily you proceeded with the last step

"Would you like to keep the same PIN or a new one?"

"I'll keep this one"

"Okay it will get to you in 5-7 business days okay?"

"Yes ma'am" he teased again

"Great, now that is done, anything else I can do for you?"

"I think that's it sweetheart, can you stay and have a chat w'me?"

"If it's related to your account then yes"

"You got me there, I guess that's the end for me talking to you" he said it sadly

"Sadly yeah, but before you leave, I wanted to tell you..."

His heart was thumping

"That you should be receiving an email with a survey and if you fill it out it would help me a lot, I remind you my name is Y/n and thank you for being a valued customer for National Bank, have a beautiful day Eddie"

His face fell at that, but the way you said his name made him smile again

"I'll give you a ten hun, you're the best"

"Awe thank you"

"Hopefully we talk again soon"

"I hope so Eddie, goodbye"

"Bye sweetheart"

You did something that messes up your metrics, putting a code that is called After Call Work, it messes you up but it's worth it for digging into Eddie's profile

He opened his account a few months ago, got a new card and a new PIN, then after he talked with you (based on your note) he started calling every day, and all the notes read something similar

Cx hung up while I was talking

Cx hung up doing opening

Cx hung up

Cx disconnected call

Cx cut me off when doing opening and hung up

Then you wrote what you did

Cx came low risk authenticated from IVR, card was damaged so reissued new one, same PIN, standard delivery

You sighed and then got yourself on ready again to take more calls

This is gonna be a long day...

#eddie munson #eddie munson/reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie x you #boyfriend eddie munson #eddie munson x chubby reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x plus size reader #modern!strangerthings #modern!au #modern!eddie munson #csc!reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x afab reader #thank you for calling

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scientia-rex · 11 months

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"You're saying people can't change their lives"

I wrote this as a reply to a reblog of my original post but I don't want to deal with their inevitable pissy backlash--because it's not somebody who follows me, of course it's not, so they won't see this unless I tag them into it and frankly I don't want to deal with their shit. But I did want to express that they were wrong on the Internet.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii so the idea that there is "nothing you can do to change your life" is not! not! not! what I said or what I'm saying! It's that changing your life to make yourself thinner is not inherently good; changing your life to make yourself healthier absolutely is. Thinner does not equal healthier. Thinner does not equal morally superior.

Eat more vegetables. Move around in ways that don't punish you. Don't do this because thinner is better, but because you want to be able to do things you enjoy and live the life you want to live.

And "you absolutely have the power and ability to lose weight if you want, and keep it off" is not supported by hard data. Go ahead! Dig into my claims, point out where you think I'm misinterpreting data, but find me the data that suggest we can--on a population level, not an exceptional individual level--do that. If the failure rate for a program like Weight Watchers is greater than 95%, that doesn't mean it's impossible for everyone to do, it means it's impossible for most people, and that chunk of the population who can't do it should not feel shame or like they're not good enough.

People really struggle with the idea that there are differential hard limitations to what people can do with their bodies. They look at me and they can see, right off the bat, that I am never going to be a professional basketball player. I just don't have the height. Never have, never will. But there is a sense that if something isn't that obvious and visible, it's not a real limitation. And there are other real limits to what I can do based on my body. I can lift, lift, lift weights all day long, but there's a limit to how much muscle I can put on. A big part of that is genetic. Some of it's hormonal. Some of it's epigenetic. Some of it's nutritional. There are interactions between all of those factors. And a good chunk of it is unknown factors--things we don't currently understand.

But when it comes to weight, suddenly people think there's no limits--there's no reason you can't lose that weight if you just: and it's always "if you just," as if this were simple, as if losing the weight were the point, not living a good life, a healthy life, an enjoyable life.

If you make those changes and lose weight, great! Good for you. But don't pretend the same changes will work for everyone, because they simply won't. A lot of us could eat better and move around more and still be "fat." And it wouldn't be any of your business, but you'd still feel compelled to have an opinion about it, wouldn't you? You'd see us on the street and think, God, look at that. Pity; contempt. Fear that you might one day look like this.

And you might, especially if you're a cisgender woman, because the hormonal shifts that come with menopause alter your metabolism. And that won't make you worth less than you were before. Except in the eyes of people who have a vested interest in keeping you hating yourself, dull, slow, starving, and paying money to the mega-corporations who profit off your self-hatred.

#the attending dr. kristophine

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spacepajamas956 · 3 months

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The Comfort Of Another (A Broken And Healed TeruMob Mini Story)

You can read the fic this is a part of here!

Shigeo had been struggling ever since his parents' passing. He and his brother had been taken in by his mentor, which he was extremely grateful for, but he still struggled nonetheless. He'd never really been one to rely on others or crave others' company. He'd walk home from school by himself and sometimes go whole days without talking to a single soul at his school. But since the accident, he's had trouble being by himself. When he was home alone, he often spiraled into a panic and became paranoid. He wasn't sure why, but this strange phenomenon was becoming a problem. He used to be fine on his own. What had happened? It was one of those days where both his mentor and his brother were out of the house. Shigeo wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. He needed a distraction before it happened again. He spent a while hanging around the cat, but got bored rather quickly. He picked up a book, but lost interest within a matter of minutes. What should he do? He sat with his thoughts. Not his good thoughts, but his bad ones. His frightening ones. The ones that made him panic. They would only be gone for a while. There was nothing to worry about. Or was there? There always was. Something could go wrong. ANYTHING could go wrong. 60% No. It was going to happen again. He realized this. The realization just stressed him out more. 70% Stop it. He needed it to stop. What should he do? What could he do? 75% Panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Calm down. Breathe. Why was his breath uneven? Was that normal? 83% Right. Stop. Relax. Calm down. 90% Stop it stop it stop it. How could he make it stop? 95% No no no- The phone. His phone was ringing. With a shaky hand he grabbed the phone and brought it to his ear to answer. A familiar voice rang out from the speaker. A voice with a certain adornment. A voice of a friend. 80% The voice asked how he was doing. He said he was fine. 60% He thought about telling the voice the truth, but he supposed he already did. He was fine. He wasn't alone anymore. He was with his friend. 0%

(Here's a little thing I wrote forever ago LOL. The "voice" is Teruki if you were confused!)

#mob psycho 100 #terumob #fanfiction #Shigeo Kageyama #Short story #Broken And Healed mp100 #Fanfiction bonus story #teruki hanazawa #ritsu kageyama #reigen arataka

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fiendish-insanity-in-the-written · 2 years

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Closed starter for @writingxthexsilence

She should have had noticed....she was a biologist for Christ sake.

If her unhealthy habits were not becoming more destructive for her body by the day, maybe she would not misread the symptoms. Hardly, since this was something that never came as a possibility. Clare took all the necessary precautions to prevent such a thing, designing a pill that was not only 95 percent efficient, but also a healthy choice for the organism. After all, the medication was quickly being distributed by her firm, earing her another promotion....and now, one of her best achievements failed her.

Still not opened bottle of whiskey was placed next to the sink of the bathroom, as another thing hit the bathroom floor with a silent ‘tump’. Shaky fingers unwrapped a new small box, number 13 in a row, as she tested herself again. Same disbelief, anxiety and dismay presented themselves on her face as she stared at the two thick lines appearing on the pregnancy test.

“No..it can’t be..it can’t. “

Hand landed on the glass bottle filled with brown alcohol, as the other reached for the cork to open it. As the plastic broke when she twisted the cork, her pine-green eyes fell on the floor again. Fourteen positive tests staring back at her. The bottle was returned on the sink, as a tear fell from her eye and on her trembling hands that opened the phone for the god knows which time that morning. Scrolling down through the messages, the third name on the screen made her stomach turn. Literally.

Clare managed to turn to the toilet in the last moment before she threw up for the fifth time that morning. Only when she was done, washing her face and hands, did she opened the messages again.

O.L. : Mine

You: Ok.

O.L.: Yours

You: No, yours

O.L.- Fine

You: Car

O.L. : No

You: Leaving in 3 minutes

O.L. : Fine...

O.L. - Yours

You: No. Yours

Text were not making sense to the easily deceived eye, but it was maybe the only sort of communication they had...mostly her fault. Simple initials of his name, to hide it from any preying eye, with even more simplistic code word to where they would meet. Mine or yours, describing her or his place...but he never got to hers. Clare always dodged the man coming to her apartment, risking having him staying there longer than it was ‘needed’. After sleeping with him, she was able to just leave without even saying goodbye, no explanation, nothing. Just picked her clothes up, got dressed and disappeared from his sheets as if she was never there.

It started with anger that turned into raw, untamable passion, having them overdosing on each other like heroin. It should have been just once. Then it happened again. They didn’t even discuss this little arrangement, she was just the first one to send a text :’Your place’, sentence that quickly became just ‘Yours’.

Every time the man opened his mouth and something not resembling a growl of satisfaction or sex talk was threatening to leave it, she would either shush him up with a hungry kiss that instantly casted the raging flames of desire high, or if it was after, ‘ Bye’, was the only answer on whatever it was that he planned to say. Red headed woman was fighting the battle she could not win, vigorously being against that the universe just dictated them to be made for each other. Another wave of nausea made her grab her mouth, waiting for it to pass away.

You: I need to tal

You: Something hap

You: I am pregnant

Tear fell on the screen as she wrote then deleted the last message. This could not be happening..it just can’t be. It took her an hour to finally get up and get dressed, shoving the only thing that seemed as it could help her in the trash can - the bottle of whiskey. Her subconscious prevented her to chug down the poison that would not effect only her...not any more. Grabbing the keys, Clare rushed out the door...heading to his office.

***

The woman on the front desk sized her up with obvious disapproval and suspicion.

“ Can I help you miss? “

Clare’s lips went in thin line when the woman’s eye again scanned her snake tattoo exposed under the torn parts of her jeans, then the left side of her ribs were under her tank top one tiny demon “exiting” her rib greeted her with a sinister grin.

“ Is Osc...”

She stopped, swallowing his first name, and reminding herself that they were not that close for her to be asking for him like that in here. Specially when she could feel the curious and somewhat condemning gazes glued to her back. She lowered her head a bit, a reaction not even a bit resembling her usual self.

“ I need to speak with agent Lockmoore.”

The woman lowered her eyebrows before casually flipping the page in front of her.

“ You have an appointment? “

Clare could feel her muscles tensing as she clenched her jaw.

“ No. But I need to speak with him. “

Woman didn’t even look at her no more, grabbing the cup next to the pile of envelops, sipping the coffee for a whole minute before answering.

“ I am afraid that is not possible then. If it is an emergency, you can file a report here, and if needed, an agent will contact you depending on the nature of it. “

Clearly giving her the answer that it might not be Oscar, Clare already saw how she is bashing this bitch’s head on the table, shoving that cub of coffee right into that filthy mouth. However, her exhaustion and distress made her stay in place. Just before she wanted to speak again, with the corner of her eye...she saw him. Walking from the office towards the coffee machine. Clare uttered a “Thank you but its fine.” to wash the suspicion off of herself and started walking towards the exit, just to take a sharp turn to the left in the last moment, rushing quietly down the hallway.

When she finally reached him, her heart dropped in her stomach. The content of it threatening it will go back up, no matter that it was nothing in there but water. She reached for his forearm from behind his back, pulling him to the side before finally stepping in front of him. The not so pleasant surprise rising in his eyes on the sight of her here made something inside of her break. Clare released the grip on his arm and hugged around herself,holding tight

“ I need to...”

Her voice barely a whisper, before she cleared her throat and started again.

“ I need to speak to you about something...now..”

Her thumb grazed her stomach thoughtlessly, before she realized it was there, and pulled it back under on her arm. She was not sure can she even mouth those words, still being mortified with the situation. They hated each other...or so they pretended. What they had was nothing more than curing themselves of the unexplainable attraction that end up as wild sex, as a shot of a medicine for the pain in the chest that grew every time she had any thought of him, no matter what it was, was he there or not. A thing they refused to embrace- that being apart was destroying them from within.

“ Something..something happened..and I..I need to talk to you about it. “

Clare didn’t know why she was even here. What would it change to tell him? She was not here to ask something from him, to blame him, she just went with the instinct that screamed and demanded for her to come and tell him.

#Who says we can't have 100 threads #XDDD #Oh dude but this will be guuuuuuud #writingxthexsilence #Clare Archer #And ofc I had to write a bibile....

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lorna-d-m · 2 years

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Heart Rate

Word count: 863

Rated: M

Author's note: I feel like I've been ignoring my boy Niki, so I wrote this little one-shot. If you've got any Niki requests send them my way! I'd love to write them. And I got the heart rate information from Niki's autobiography.

After returning to racing, Niki and his trainer established a new morning routine. After waking, and dressing, he would eat a sensible breakfast and have a muscle massage. Niki would lie out on a foldable bench or table, whatever was convenient at the time and nearly fall asleep again under Willy’s skillful fingers. Willy insisted on taking his pulse afterward to have a resting baseline for the day, and every time he remarked how much calmer Niki was compared to his fellow drivers.

The average driver’s pulse would be between 90 and 100 at that time. Niki, focused and collected, would be between 80 and 85. During a race, when other drivers would reach pulse rates of 220 or even 230, in the extreme range with a chance of blackouts, Niki would peak at 190. Perhaps this accounted for his acute awareness, or maybe it meant he was more relaxed than his fellow drivers. In a sport of extreme tension and margins, this difference was notable.

Being part of his morning routine, Roxanne would go about hers. They ate breakfast together, but while Niki received his massage Roxanne would shower. She would then fix her hair, braiding it as she usually did for races, and dress in something stylish but sensible. Although she was no longer part of a racing retinue, Roxanne accompanied Niki through the paddock as best she could.

Niki watched her as best he could while lying face down. She wore a light blue sundress, and it hugged and curved over her body perfectly. More often she wore jeans if it was chilly or long skirts if hot, so he wondered if the short and tempting skirt was a race day treat. He remembered the British Grand Prix several seasons ago where she tempted him during a red flag with a short skirt.

Willy tapped his shoulder twice, and Niki sat up and stretched. He presented his arm for Willy to take his morning pulse and continued watching his wife. Roxanne bent over to pick something up, perhaps an errant shoe, and it must have been stuck under something. She tugged at it several times giving Niki more than enough time to spot the white lace underwear she wore. Niki appreciated all parts of his wife, how could he not when she was so wonderful, but Niki carried a particular fondness for her ass.

The blue dress and the white lace were the perfect entrapment. They made her appear as innocent as a milkmaid when she was far from it. He thought about what she would look like with both his hands on her ass, holding her to him, while she rutted against him. If the race went well perhaps he would know.

“Strange,” Willy’s brows furrowed together, “95. Have you done anything differently?”

Distracted, it wasn’t until Willy repeated the question and said Niki’s name that he answered. “No, no, nothing different.” He cleared his throat and turned to face Willy.

“That is unusual for you. Is something troubling you?” Roxanne, who checked the time and for any new messages, glanced up from her phone and pinched her lips in concern.

“No,” Niki insisted, “nothing of the sort. I feel fine.”

Willy rested his hands on his hips. “Odd.” He looked Niki over and studied the room trying to find anything that might have caused a change in him. If his pulse was higher before the race, then it could be higher during the race too. The only difference between this morning and yesterday morning was… “Oh.” Roxanne wore jeans the day before, flattering, but not so flattering as the dress she wore that morning. He did not wish to say so directly, so his eyes darted between the two until they pieced it together.

“That’s ridiculous,” Roxanne scoffed. “I’m here every morning, and it has never raised his pulse like that. Was it the coffee? Are you nervous?”

“To be fair, you’ve never bent over in that dress either,” Niki admitted with a slight smirk. Roxanne gasped in shock and wanted to smack him, playfully of course, but she did not. “It’s true, Schatz. Am I to believe you did not purposely bend over to tease me?”

“Do you think I would do so in front of Willy?” She retorted.

Niki arched an eyebrow at her, suggesting she has and would do far worse in front of far more people. Roxanne sighed, knowing she did not wish to refute him at this time and she ought to accept the situation. Truthfully, she was flattered that after several years of marriage she could raise her husband’s heart rate so.

***

Many hours later, after the morning media, the race, the post-race media, debriefing meetings, and dinner, Niki got to do exactly as he dreamed of that morning. He pushed up the short light blue skirt and pulled down the white lace underwear. As he worked a mark onto her neck, he whispered in his wife’s ear, “Your scheme worked.” Roxanne cursed and laughed as she spread her thighs more to accommodate him.

“I’m simply glad to know I can raise your heart rate more than the prospect of a race…”

taglist: @scuttle-buttle @fictionlandslanddreams @hardlyinteresting @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles

#niki lauda rush 2013 #daniel brühl rush #daniel brühl niki lauda #niki lauda fanfic #niki lauda fanfiction #rush 2013 fanfic #daniel brühl fanfiction #daniel brühl fanfic

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minorfamilysupremacy · 1 year

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Rules: share something about an idea you have/something that's speaking to you/an au you'd like to see and are considering writing/etc. etc. Basically anything that is tempting you away from your current wips!

tagged by @supernovasimplicity for this one. i don’t write anymore, so this is a monument to all my sins (my 50000 drafts in my notes app) instead. consider this the list of things i would have written were i capable of the remotest bit of commitment. fully naming and shaming a whole bunch of past fandoms here too.

kinnporsche - SPH chapters whatever to whatever would have been the end: this counts because it is the biggest casualty in terms of scope. there are at least three more arcs i was planning, including the promised-but-never-delivered murderboner adventures, a revenge/separation arc, and the ending has been planned out for months. it is basically guaranteed never to see the light of day. www sad trombone dot com. - (redacted) vegaspete fantasy AU: this was a me & boots co-production. part of it exists and did get periodically picked at and the outline got revised a thousand times, but what was supposed to be conveyed as a fairytale with a deft touch, it had all the subtlety of the claw end of a hammer. this is the one i’ll drink about years from now and be bummed i never finished it. - i once promised dearly beloved @trueplainhearts i would write her the missing scene vegasmacau episode 2 cleanup after porsche’s bullshit at the koi pond. probably the one I’m most surprised no one has written (to my knowledge, which is minimal). - all the prompts i got for vp one-shots. these keep me up nights. they’re rotting in my askbox in the hopes i’ll get my shit together. have not forgotten them, just never moved the needle one iota. actually, that’s a lie. i have half a one-shot where macau runs his own horrible cooking youtube channel with a very game pete who will eat basically anything. probably the one closest to completion.

the flash - lord HELP me i was so on my bullshit about a show that continually betrayed me at every turn and stopped being good after two seasons despite running for nine. (i did quit after s3, but the rage will be lifelong.) anyway that shit inexplicably ruled my life because hearts and sparkles hearts and sparkles all the love in the world for my beautiful sad gay deaf mallgoth hartley rathaway, most beloved of his horrible stupid name. i dreadfully miss playing in that sandbox. i went old-school crackship and had my own decades-spanning world set up for two characters who never met in canon because i want nothing more than traumatized embittered brilliant characters hated by their own family and the people around them to ultimately create their own homes and happinesses. i wrote perhaps an ungodly amount of twitter DM harry wells/hartley rathaway fic but didn’t explore 95% of the world we created. i had millions of ideas i wanted to write for them — some domestic, some porny, some healing, some of those deep dives into disability and anger and grief -- and boy did i fail to write almost all of it. god, that show did not deserve the amount of time and energy and effort i poured into it but it was so creatively fulfilling and it’ll always be a place i come home to. - i would, of course, be remiss if i just acted like a saintly crackshipper while i stank up that fandom when in reality this was the OG murderboner adventures show for me and in the course of making this post i DID find the actual murderboner adventure fic (which i wrote in second person and do not remember doing at ALL) and not finishing that one for an audience of zero is a regret. harrison/hartley was SUCH an underrated ship in the fandom and no one wanted to make it as disgusting as i did despite the fact that it had SUCH ripe elements for a toxic, codependent, abusive, easily-murderous mess of a relationship. young traumatized alienated genius desperately seeks the withheld approval of an authority figure! COME ON PEOPLE GET IT TOGETHER. a boy who would easily kill for you if it meant you would cast your gaze his way for only a moment and who would be blind to how much of himself he’s lost until it’s too late — it was a certified me fic through and through. there was so much murder. so many boners. RIP :( - tbh i had a lot of fucked-up porn wips for this series. i was really into some disgusting fucking non-con and trying to find like-minded degens to share it with was a fool’s errand. hope no one ever steals my phone and finds them all.

all the other shit - i still get a little prickle of guilt over never finishing a detroit evolution wip about my favorite subject, traumatized and isolated boys wrestling with the concept of being loved and cared for after years of loneliness and fury. i was never a good fit for that fandom (true to form) and this just became one of those sore spots i didn’t have the energy to poke at any longer. i always wrote characters too similar to me and then they got uncomfortably personal and i ended up walking away. - lore olympus fans who hate minthe can a) skip this one and b) get the hell off my blog bc i am and always will be a certified minthe stan. love her. adore her. wanted desperately to write the codependent messy dysfunction of the hades/minthe relationship — the unequal power dynamics, the fear and anger of watching someone else get better while you’re not, the careless hurts to release your own pain. i really wanted to capture that loveless misery and just never could nail the vibe i wanted to. - prapaisky. i’m leaving this one as-is bc everyone i know thinks LITA is dogshit but i feel disproportionately strongly about them and wanted to dig into that post-canon recovery. end transmission. - a lot of my stuff never made it out of my brain bc i knew it wouldn’t be worth it to watch it sink like a stone, which was the case with evelyn/walter from one lane bridge. i don’t know anyone who was binging dour nz murder mysteries and it isn’t exactly a canon that begs for a rich ao3 presence, but giving me glimpses of these gentle characters doomed by the narrative and forced into making unspeakable choices put me in a fucking chokehold. i scarfed every tiny crumb i got of their story and outright sobbed at the ending. watching the lock fall had me in full-on claire danes mode. it was prime character study material and i rewrote their story 500 times in my head bc i knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that thing would get the slightest bit of traction if i slaved over actually writing it. - flex/rita: fuck hbo max fuck zaslav fuck the WORLD. i know doom patrol will end and i will NOT see flex/rita become canon because devan chandler long is on another show and also DC hates me personally. (they should have at least kissed!!!!!! god!!!!! you give a woman a screaming reality-tearing sex-ghost orgasm and yet i can’t even get a chaste smooch out of it!!!!!!!!! god i’m gonna die mad about it.) anyway this was a fun one to plot out in my head bc it was all about sketching out flex’s backstory and exploring hero worship in the contexts of celebrity vs literal superhero and the idea of meeting your idols in the most doom-patrol-y way, which is to say decades later when you’ve both been victims of horrific medical, scientific, and magical fuckery but still are in the prime of your life. very rita hayworth in terms of ‘men go to bed with gilda and wake up with me’ in the disconnect between a public-facing persona and the vulnerability of being your ugliest, most honest self. also idk there probably would have been literal rat-fucking or something, it’s doom patrol.

not tagging anyone bc i always know i’m gonna leave someone off so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ do it if you’re compelled, don’t if you’re not

#hope everyone did not enjoy this Exciting Deep Dive into my failure to launch

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shmooooo · 1 year

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I posted 1,320 times in 2022

567 posts created (43%)

753 posts reblogged (57%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@10velyroses

@shmooooo

@milfgyuu

@youngbloodlisk

@97-liners

I tagged 1,056 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#mutuals 💫 - 416 posts

#✉️: mail for isa - 332 posts

#hard hours - 184 posts

#jasmine 🕊 - 137 posts

#svt - 98 posts

#rose 🌹 - 95 posts

#isa talks 🪐 - 86 posts

#ask game - 83 posts

#enhypen - 74 posts

#tbz hard hours - 43 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#lights off - silent - not too cold but just cold enough that it’s comfy under my blanket without me freezing as soon as i move from under it

My Top Posts in 2022:

getting closer

seventeen masterlist

seventeen sereniverse masterlist

pairing: Kwon Soonyoung x fem!reader

genre: smut

warnings: dom!Soonyoung, sub!reader, hints at ot13 x reader, slight exhibitionism, finger sucking, dirty talk, Soonyoung is spreading the furry tiger agenda by continuously calling the reader kitten, fingering, mirror sex, edging, hints of aftercare (pls do it properly), Wonwoo is a sweetheart

word count: 2313 (oops)

title inspiration: "Getting Closer" by Seventeen

notes: this happened because of Soonyoung wearing this jacket because Brian and I are too horny for our own good and also suckers for model!Soonyoung (I wrote this when the pics from his Elle photoshoot came out so this was a while ago lol - I did make some changes though which is why I'm only posting it now)

tagging: @moonxroses happy birthday baby!! I hope you like your present :3

this is part of the sereniverse collab with @rose-sereniteeth

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Soonyoung had been at the studio all day, taking photos for Elle magazine. When you arrived there later, the shoot had already been going on for hours and it wasn’t that long before they could wrap up and go home.

He was in the middle of posing when you entered the room, seemingly not even noticing your entry. You had to stop yourself from visibly gasping upon seeing him, your mouth watering at the sight, unconsciously clenching your thighs. He looked over to you then, immediately taking in your flustered state before looking back at the camera, resuming to taking photos as if nothing had happened. Although it could’ve been your imagination he did seem a bit cockier now - if that was even possible. Professional Soonyoung was a menace after all.

The way he was posing - looking down at the camera, legs apart - was not helping your flustered state. And when he looked over again, he saw you biting your lip and clenching your thighs, but he also saw the smirk on your face when you noticed his gaze on you, as well as your wink. It took him every ounce of self-control in his body to not go over there and pin you against the wall for everyone to see. But the punishment would have to wait. Instead, he turned away from you and tried to focus on preventing a hard-on.

A manager came over to you and showed you a room where you could wait for Soonyoung, and so you sat down on a chair that didn’t look like anyone would need it anytime soon and tried to think about anything that wasn’t Soonyoung outside, in hopes to not make you even more needy than you already were.

A few minutes later, the door suddenly opened and Soonyoung entered the room. He went straight for the sofa and sat down on it, leaning his head back. At first, you weren’t even sure if he had noticed you in the corner, but then he turned his head and looked straight at you, the look on his face making you gulp.

He lifted his hand and motioned for you to come over, still not saying a word. You slowly got up, your knees nearly buckling from how much your legs were shaking. Standing in front of him, it took one look from him to have you on your knees in an instant. He leaned forward, his legs still spread apart enough for you to fit between them, and grabbed your hair in a make-shift ponytail, making you hold your breath when he pulled to make you look up at him.

“And here I was, thinking that our little kitten could behave herself in public, but apparently I was wrong.” He sounded disappointed and you gulped. “Did you like the poses that much? So much that you became all flustered for me in front of all these people?”

You weren’t entirely sure where he was going with this. Weren’t you supposed to show how flustered you were? In your defense, you had really tried to hide it but seeing him just had that effect on you.

“Yes...yes, sir.”

He hummed. “And what made you think it was okay to act like that, biting your lips and teasing me while I had to be professional?”

You should have known that he wouldn’t like that. But you weren’t getting out of this anymore (not like you wanted to anyway), so you didn’t try to talk back. “I’m sorry, sir.”

He let out an unamused laugh, and held two fingers in front of your face. You immediately opened up, wrapping your tongue around his digits.

"You've been a bad girl, hm? And what do bad girls get?" You whimpered around his fingers. "That's right, kitten. They get punished."

You looked at him with pleading eyes but it was obvious that he had already made up his mind, seeing you tease him even though you were well aware that he had to focus on the photoshoot. The fear of what he was going to do to you was making you feel hot all over and you felt a bit dirty because you wanted him to use you, only adding to your humiliation.

Soonyoung leaned down, his lips right next to your ear, and whispered: "Just wait until we get home, princess. I'll make sure you behave from now on.” He lowly chuckled and you felt goosebumps all over your skin. “I'll fuck the brat out of you and you'll have to wear turtle necks for a while if you don't want your friends to know how bad you were."

He let go of your hair and pulled his fingers from your mouth, smiling at his manager that had just entered the room. Fixing your hair and removing the spit that had traveled down your chin you stood up, not daring to turn towards the manager as you went to get a sip of water.

“The photos all turned out well. You can clean up and go home if you want. It’s been a long day.”

“Thank you,” Soonyoung stood up and bowed at the man, who responded with a nod and quickly left the room again.

See the full post

147 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

thoughts on dom mark lee :))) -🌹

Rose, I will end you :)))

usually more lighthearted

he does enjoy teasing you with his words and touch but he's kinda chill about the concept

will praise you, tell you how much he loves seeing you like this

also very good with his tongue for obvious reasons

will spend hours between your legs

will also love if you suck him off though

just the thought of you on your knees for him gets him hard so fast

the giving and receiving is pretty balanced with him

and it's mostly about having a good time together (but he does enjoy the power aspect, however lighthearted it may be)

but yeah generally he's pretty soft

unless

you break one of his rules

you guys don't have many rules and they're pretty chill and easy to follow for the most part

so when he comes home after a long week and he sees you touching yourself without his permission even though that's literally the first rule you agreed on???

he's pissed

especially because he does allow you to touch yourself if he's not there since he knows how much he works and how little he is home

he just wants you to ask first

send him a quick little text

and you couldn't even do that?

you're in for it now

it takes you a moment before you see him standing in the doorway, looking at you with cold eyes

you immediately halt your movements, shocked that he's home already

"keep going" he simply says, leaving his spot and slowly walking towards you

you don't move and he raises an eyebrow: "can't even follow simple orders anymore?"

but he answers his own question because he adds "of course you can't, otherwise you wouldn't be touching yourself right now, hm baby?"

he sits down on the edge of the bed and watches as you continue doing what you did before he got there, all while you're whining because it's not enough

he will degrade you, something he doesn't normally do

(still mostly mixes it with praise though)

See the full post

167 notes - Posted April 15, 2022

SVT for the Dom/Switch/Sub ? -🌹

Alright buckle up, this is gonna be long because I have too many thoughts on this

warnings: mentions of teasing, edging, overstimulation, degradation, praise, oral (m receiving), size kink, dacryphilia, ties, wax, paint, taking photos/videos during sex

word count: 1925 (fucking oops)

notes: this literally took me 3 months lmao I'm sorry (circumstances be like) but here it is ✌🏻

Seungcheol: switch (dom lean)

Now, most of carats on here seem to agree he’s a dom, maybe even a hard dom… but have you seen how soft this man is??? Sure, he’s strong and has a lot of authority thanks to being a leader - and I agree. But after binge-watching Going Seventeen in the past days, as soon as that man isn’t on stage, he’s the biggest baby (he’s literally so tiny, I’ll sob). Also let’s be real, being seventeen’s leader means he has a lot of responsibility, so maybe he’d occasionally like to give up that control and instead have someone take care of him. As a dom, he gives me major soft dom vibes. In my opinion, he mainly enjoys to pamper you - he does, however, have rules set in place that he expects you to follow. I can’t imagine him being too rough with you unless you absolutely asked for it by being a total brat. Then he could be rougher but still not as much of a hard dom as some of the other members

Jeonghan: dom

Jeonghan is a teasing little shit, we all know that, and that would also be the case in the bedroom: he’d tease you, edge you, overstimulate you until you’re a begging, crying mess. He’d absolutely thrive off the control he has over you and would praise and degrade you with his soft voice. Unless you were a brat. In that case he’s serious, stern and will absolutely make you regret you acted up - at least for like a week or so. Also definitely the type to have rules for how much you should sleep and eat (in a non-toxic way), because he cares about you and wants you to be healthy. No matter how teasing or mean he might be as a dom, your well-being comes first (that applies to all of them but Jeonghan and Seungcheol give the strongest mother hen vibes).

Joshua: dom

I know many people see him as a switch but tbh I can’t imagine him submitting. His sweet church boy act can’t fool me, that guy is a dom. Similar to Jeonghan, he adores teasing the hell out of you and he would live to see you cry because you want to be fucked so badly. He’s aware that people think he’s innocent and sweet and he will let you believe that, until he at some point pulls out the handcuffs and toys and shows you just how sweet he really is. (If you need an idea of how I see Joshua as a hard dom, @bubblebeom wrote an amazing fic that details it - https://bubblebeom.tumblr.com/post/673782564414210048/vanilla-m-pairing-joshua-hong-x)

Junhui: dom

Jun does strike me as a dom - but in a more relaxed way. He does like having some control and he adores the way you act when you’re being his good little sub, but he usually doesn’t take it super seriously and even lets you act up to an extent without punishment because he’s just that whipped for you. He does, however, have a limit, too. And when you’re acting like a huge brat after he’s already had a stressful week, get ready to discover his hard dom side. We’ve seen the way he acts on stage, he would not hesitate to put you in your place and he would comment the entire time on how he hates to do this but you don’t give him a choice because this time you took it too far. The disappointment, someone please kill me

Soonyoung: switch

This man is a raging switch and you cannot tell me otherwise. He might enjoy domming a bit more but that could also be me projecting because I really want him to wreck me. Another one who would love teasing you before anything else. Whether you were good or not honestly doesn’t matter for that, he’ll make you work and beg for anything regardless and he’ll have the time of his life. But he won’t hesitate to be mean when you act like a brat. Soonyoung as a sub seems like he would be a total brat and would love to receive the same things he always gives to you, and that means teasing teasing teasing. He will definitely complain in the middle of it but that won’t stop him from enjoying it just as much next time.

Wonwoo: dom (hard)

Now, Wonwoo is a soft boy but that doesn’t apply to how he acts in the bedroom. Wbk I have an urge to be good but if there’s anyone in svt who I wouldn’t dare act up with, it’s Wonwoo and Jihoon but we’ll get to that. With his deep voice he’d be able to get you on your knees within seconds and he’d absolutely make you pay for it if you dare break any of the rules you agreed upon. Also the way he’s so calm and seemingly calculated just makes me think of how if you’d dare act up around others, he’d stay calm and make you think you’re safe until you’re both alone. In reality he already planned exactly what he’ll do to you the moment you started being a brat, and as soon as it’s just the two of you, he’ll make sure you remember who’s the dominant in your relationship. He might act upset every time you act up but both of you know that he secretly loves it even if he also appreciates you being good for him (This post by @hotgirlwonwoo sums up my feelings pretty well https://hotgirlwonwoo.tumblr.com/post/666818643475218432/i-need-ur-version-explanation-why-wonwoo-is)

Jihoon: dom (hard)

We all know he’s always busy, so when he comes home after a long day, the last thing he has the energy for is putting up with a bratty partner. Not that he wouldn’t enjoy the challenge but he prefers when you’re good for him, or at least he’ll let you know exactly how he feels about having to show you your place after dealing with the other members’ shenanigans all day. There’s no sign of shy and quiet Jihoon anymore. He will make you behave for him one way or another, and if that includes shutting you up by sucking him off only to deny you your own pleasure, so be it.

Seokmin: switch

Seokmin is a soft bean and that applies to the bedroom, too. He adores to pamper you and his no. 1 priority is making you feel good. He will tease you from time to time but it’s usually with the intention to make your orgasm feel even better once he lets you have it. That does not mean that you can get away with everything. Similar to Junhui, Seokmin also has a limit and once you actually step over that line (which admittedly is pretty hard to do), fun time’s over and you’ll definitely witness a different side of him, although I would argue that he won’t go as hard as Jun. When he subs however, he will be the best boy ever. A good little angel, doing anything he can to please you. Please praise him, he deserves it.

Mingyu: switch

When he doms, he’s a soft dom. Given his height and muscle mass, this guy also has a massive dick size kink. As a dom, he loves how small and pliant you look under him and how you’re trying so hard to fit all of him inside of you. As a sub, it turns him on immensely that you have so much power over him even though physically he could easily overpower you. Also another sucker for praise, both giving and receiving. He will praise you so so much, constantly letting you know how good you’re doing for him, but he expects the same when he’s subbing because he’s your good boy and wants to hear you say it.

Minghao: switch (dom lean)/ dom (switch lean)

Hao strikes me as either a switch dom lean or dom switch lean (idk how to describe it) and I feel like he would usually be rather soft but very much strict. And going harder in his case wouldn’t necessarily mean fucking you harder but just teasing and edging you more. He would love to have that control over you, to make you do whatever he tells you to. And he would always try to find new ways to pleasure you and himself, for example by adding bondage elements, wax or paint. He loves aesthetics and sex isn’t an exception. So if you’re up for it, he would also love to include taking photos or videos of each other (mainly you though). While I think it wouldn’t happen too often, he would be willing to sub. Just imagine tying him up and teasing him with a feather until he’s begging for you to please make him cum… (More about my thoughts on dom!Hao: https://shmooooo.tumblr.com/post/674302592605667328/6-9-10-30-with-svt, more about my thoughts on switch!Hao: https://shmooooo.tumblr.com/post/651615227442495488/nsfw-thoughts-minghao)

Seungkwan: dom (hard)

His entire attitude just screams dom to me. He won’t tolerate any bratty behavior and when you dare to act up, he is quick to show you your place - and that place is on your knees in front of him begging for forgiveness. He’s mean with it and will enjoy looking down at your pathetic form that is shaking and crying because you want to be good for him again. Once he’s satisfied, he’ll help you get up and lay you on the bed, and as a mix of punishment for acting up and reward for begging so well, overstimulate you until your voice is hoarse from crying and pleading. But don’t worry, once you’re done, he’ll take care of you and pamper you until you’re sick of him.

Vernon: switch (slight dom lean)/ vanilla

See the full post

321 notes - Posted April 2, 2022

no thoughts just riding mingyu having his hands all over you

Ride

seventeen masterlist

pairing: kim mingyu x fem!reader

genre: smut

warnings: dom!mingyu, sub!reader, size kink, mingyu has a big dick (wbk)

word count: 432

author's note: i have no explanation for this, it just kinda happened??? these men do things to me istg -- playlist: "ride" by lolo zouaï and "ride" by regard

tagging: @moonxroses because of our svt conversations <;3 and @rose-sereniteeth bc i finally wrote something for your other ult, get over here)

❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥

Mingyu is leaning against the headboard, hands behind his head at first as he watches you try to do all the work like you said you could. He smirks when he sees you struggling to lift yourself off his cock because of how big he is, only for his chuckle to turn into a groan when you let yourself sink down on him again. You stay like that for a moment trying to catch your breath before you look up at him with pleading eyes, accepting your defeat. “Please… need your help…”

He cocks an eyebrow at you in amusement. “Help? You were so confident earlier, what do you need help with, darling?”

Resisting the urge to be snarky with him because you don’t want to be punished today, you instead let out a whine. “I can’t do it myself, you’re so fucking big, please”

And that’s all it takes for Mingyu to move his hands from his head to your hips, lifting you up and slamming you down on him again so hard that you think you’re actually seeing stars, an embarrassingly loud moan leaving you.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good,” he groans. “So warm and wet, all for me?”

“Yes, all for you!” You’re past giving intelligible answers already, feeling way too full and fucked out by the feeling of him practically splitting you open with a dick that’s too big but still feels so good inside of you.

When he feels you clenching around him only a few moments later, he grins, poking his tongue out a little. “Is my little angel close?”

You nod almost feverishly, eventually managing to breathe a “yes” followed by a very small “please”, hoping that today is not going to be one of those days where he edges you for hours.

Luck seems to be on your side because he changes his tactic, leaving one hand on your hips while the other one moves to your clit as he starts thrusting into you at an insanely fast pace. “If that’s the case,” he hums, “then be a good girl and cum for me."

And you do, moaning his name and thanking him for letting you cum while he helps you ride out your high. However, when you come back to your senses a few moments later, you realize he hasn't cum yet and is still balls deep inside of you.

He laughs upon seeing your confused expression. "What? You really thought your little stunt wouldn't have any consequences? Looks like I have to teach you a lesson. We are far from done."

325 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

well i am tight and probably most of the women too and we cant do anything about it lol

Alright, let's do some sex ed.

My initial post can be a bit misleading, I will acknowledge that.

But.

Being too tight is a thing.

(All quotes below from here. There’s many articles and sources about this but I didn’t want to turn this into one of my uni essays so here we go)

„First, the intensity of the squeeze one feels during sex is not based on the width of the vagina, but the motion of the pelvic floor muscles surrounding the vagina“

„Healthy pelvic floor muscles can also improve blood flow which, like an erection, engorges the vagina when aroused. That’s right, the vagina expands and shrinks. It’s elastic so it generally retains its shape and does not ‚deform‘ or ‚loosen up‘ from a lot of sex. The idea that a ‚loose‘ vagina or a prominent vulva is indicative of promiscuity is a myth that really, really, really needs to be put to pasture [...]“

„[There] is the assumption that squeezing is directly correlated with pleasure. […] We all wish it was that easy, but there’s more to sexual pleasure than friction or squeezing. Sex is equally emotional as it is physical. […] If you’re not in the right mindset […], then you’re not going into be in the mental space of having fun and being in the moment. Also, not being well lubricated enough could be mistaken for “tightness”, which honestly causes more pain than pleasure.“

„There could be a number of reasons [for tightness] including not enough lubrication/arousal […], chronic dryness, or vaginismus, which is a painful condition in which the pelvic floor muscles involuntarily constricts or even clamps up during penetration (sex, tampons, anything). You could also be experiencing too much stimulation — a sensation that feels blissful to one person may feel awful to someone else […]“

TLDR; It’s not necessarily bad being tight, just like it’s not necessarily bad not being tight. But the way it’s normalized in fan fiction leads to yet another unrealistic standard for people with vaginas and being too tight can actually be unhealthy or painful so it shouldn’t be this romanticized or sexualized. ♡

376 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #isa talks 🪐

4 notes · View notes

byakuwan · 1 year

Text

writer interview as requested by @hopeswriting

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

10, with 12 more oldies in a private collection. ( i should probably make those public again... )

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

60,429

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

95 kudos: Setting up Senpai (Enstars)

83 kudos: Your Darling (Darlifra [E]

81 kudos: Summer Triangle (Enstars)

71 kudos: Cinnamon Spice (Darlifra)

67 kudos: Freedom within Dependence (Enstars) [E]

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to not respond, but i don't think there was a reason? i do now though. i value all comments so so so much and have to express it somehow!!!

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i'm pretty sure it's one of the twewy ones? i remember Paradise (TWEWY OCs) and/or No Last Words (TWEWY + DMMD) were really sad but i remember next to nothing about anything i wrote before i was in the enstars fandom in 2019 lmao. so no promises on those.

i am Horrible with writing sad endings these days, so i generally end up not writing them anymore RIP. i apologize bc it's hard to even read them without having the urge to make a happily-ever-after in my head OTL

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

oh hands-down Setting up Senpai -> Summer Triangle. those two together were a reimugi origin story that i have heard from multiple different people they based their understanding of the ship on. it's unfortunate bc i did not know how to write rei at all so i'm still hesitant to reread it.

however, that's where you can first find my habit of ship or character manifestos begin.

7. Do you write crossovers?

not really? i think about them a lot, though. like... a lot.

i'm more of an RPer at heart, so most of my crossovers are through RP. shout-out to the dreamwidth RP where i wrote byakuran having a deep conversation with an azula where they talked about being 'monsters.' it was Fascinating.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i don't think so? it was definitely just on RP. i have heard so many tales of "mary sues" and fem OCs getting hate though.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes....... mostly ends up consensual stuff but with really wild kinks or situations. you can ask but no promises lmao

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, but i have had some of my OC art / lowkey designs stolen? which is honestly flattering to me idk. probably bc i thrive off of having my creative stuff seen and enjoyed. (i don't get all that many comments in general so idk.)

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i think one of the darlifra ones was?

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes, an enstars one that i consistently forget about for some reason?

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

... :') i'll get back to you on this one. (what are decisions?)

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Lost at the Crossroad. another manifesto of why reikei is not always as light-hearted as i think it seems.

i can't bring myself to finish it for a ton of reasons... namely that it ended up my first NOTP in forever as i was writing it...

15. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue and flow according to others. plot according to me.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

motivation. if i don't throw progress at cheerleaders and get encouragement i struggle to maintain interest in writing much of anything.

that's also why i did a lot of gift fic, but one of them... went over very poorly last year, so i'm not super sure if i want to go back to doing that.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i... don't have the opportunity to and i'm OK with that. formally knowing JP may or may not be very useful on ao3. i wouldn't know. maybe romaji?

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

hmmm. naruto OCs, i think? back in 2005 when i was a tiny beginner in fandom.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

most of my all100 agenda LOL. tsuna and spanner come to mind but i have no faith i'd be able to write tsuna so. it also doesn't help that i usually like having my hand held when writing new characters i'm not familiar with.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

well. if On Cloud Nine existed anywhere but wattpad, i'm still passionate about that one. i literally have a whole almost 20 chapter plan for it and... i feel like continuing someday, but maybe after darlifra gets a new season lol.

Bonus facts for no reason!

i have to imagine my own validation for the most part and generally have no idea what anyone thinks, ever... i'm trying my best to combat the resulting social anxiety, but it's hard. think of it like being seen without knowing why people are looking in the first place. positive, neutral, negative? if i don't know anything, it scares me.

(having a queue helps a lot because i don't have to look at all and there are things being posted anyway.)

rest assured that every single reply, comment, tag, reblog and/or like means the world. if i am shown somehow that someone enjoys a thing i made, i will Thrive for like. a week. it's just weird if i send 'thank you for the like/reblog!' but i definitely think that.

in any case? y'all are so appreciated. thank u for following me and liking whatever brain rot i have on any given day. 🙏💝💖💞 please accept my love. YOU'RE THE BEST

2 notes · View notes

flitzibun · 1 month

Text

Listening to him talk, I felt it as if I had lived it.

I was in over my head.

My pupils opened so wide, all I could see was him. I know that was unhealthy. I overempathized with him. If I could comfort him, I could Be There For Him. I wanted to hold him all the time. Mostly he wouldn't stand for it for more than a minute. But unable to hold him up, he pulled me down into the depths with him.

We lived in what amounted to a cave. The first time I saw his bedroom, it was so dark I couldn't tell that the sheets were navy. I thought they were black. Little did I know what a fastidiously clean man I had found. ❤️I had already lived with one guy who left sand, printing ink, and potato chip crumbs in the bed, and another who thought nothing of getting out of the shower at a hotel, drying off, then sitting, no, *planting* his (admittedly showered) asshole right ON HIS PILLOW. And threatening the same to mine. Or he'd put his feet on my pillow. I don't care, no feet on my pillow!🤮 Not straight out of the hotel pool, and then walked barefoot on hotel carpet, not on MY pillow! Preferably not on your pillow either, but not even right out of the shower. I've seen my feet. They're not great.

Back to our dark cave bedroom...

It was hard to fold clothes.

And that cave was his depths where he liked to be. Like a catfish. Like that time that he told me about, when he got wicked drunk or high and fell asleep on a dock somewhere nearby, and woke up underwater, after he fell off the dock.

It was like he had nine lives. I saw firsthand probably a few of his other Close Calls, mostly drug related at that point.

Driving to Lantern Hill in advance of the Spring Equinox was SCARY. Driving home was worse. He missed obvious road signs. It was not soon enough that I realized that he needed turn by turn directions. We kinda got lost trying to get to 95 in Stonington.

Then we rode the rumble strip most of the way up 95. I closed my eyes. I told him I was scared... I asked him to let me drive and he refused. It was near our anniversary last year, 2023.

We could have died. Maybe we should have. That's how I wanted to go, right by his side.

I have a note somewhere of what he told me he was on that day and night.

He would use that memory of waking up underwater to calm himself, to slow his breathing and heart rate. I wouldn't be surprised if he had been timing how long he could hold his breath underwater.

I wonder if he did this a lot after his mom died. I can't quite remember specific dates and years.

I was scared of the things he was doing, until I got desensitized. He always boils poppies when his neck hurts. Sure, I was disappointed when he'd do a poppy boil for fun instead of pain management. Once he was unemployed and feeling like half a man, he could do a boil early and have the smell gone by the time I got home from work. He told me not to worry. He could dwell and spiral and sleep 90% of the day away.

I knew it was bad. He could never admit quite how bad. He couldn't even admit that I saw what I saw, or that I heard what I heard.

The time I woke him up in the kitchen at like 2am. And he screamed at me, WHERE WERE YOU? I don't know what he meant. I don't know what he was on, or had drunk.

In January of last year, he went to rehab. I really need to learn. He made it one week exactly. I have the bamboo smoking piece thingy that he wrote his sobriety date on- Jan 17th.

He left because the residential part was going to be way overcrowded. I don't remember speaking to doctors, myself. So he drove himself home and tried not to drink. Then March. He didn't kill us in the car, he didn't fall off Lantern Hill to his death. But it was close.

If he had stayed at rehab. He needed so very much therapy.

Is it in any way possible that he will not move on to the other side until it's my time to go too? Because he told me once, that when he gets to the other side, I'm the first one that he wants to look for. I'm the only person that he wants to see there besides his mom. Initially. I don't know if that means that he'll wait for me outside the pearly gates, or if he'll hang around here and give me signs.

Or if I just deceive myself that I can still communicate with him and feel close to him, who does it hurt?

#alcoholism sucks #danger #my heathcliff #love of my life #flitzibun #conspiracy theories #spilling beans #true crime

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klein-babylon · 2 months

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Klein halpp. This boy who I’ve been dming for like 2 weeks hasn’t replied in 3 days. Usually it takes both of us hours to a day or so to reply but nothing. He’s really good friends at school w my best friend and I see him not infrequently so it seems like bad form to go ghost in those circumstances, plus he seemed rlly engaged when we talked. At 1st it was sexting and flirty then we just mostly talked about each other lives and stuff. Maybe he’s feeling the pressure and wants to pull back bc Valentine’s Day is coming up? Idkk how I hate these guys

Far out Valentine’s Day has come and gone and I forgot to answer this. But I read this when I dropped acid and was laughing my ass off cuz I wrote back “this doesn’t matter and did you know wizards exist” and I thought it was soooo funny and you know what I half believe that but I also recognise the desperation I once had as a teen girlllll. So number one I just want to say like please put your eyes to the sky like PLEASEEEE you need to see this from my perspective, all the women and girls in my life are losing their minds over the most mid ass boys.. like genuinely. It’s retardeddddd I just don’t get it like I would lose my mind over someone like idk a hot millionaire that’s also kind and funny and smart asf anything less than that.. Naur. And I think this is how you should think and everyone should think like this. Idk. You’re soooo young. Right now is the time to build those high standards trust meee you do NOT WANT TO BE 23 and in these random ass situationships where it’s so obvious to everyone but you that the guy just wants an ootray and you’re like in love. I think low standards make this happen. But also inexperience. Also I want to say. I know this is so mean and harsh but this is the truth. Most men do not give a fuck about what you’re thinking and feeling especially if you’re like below 25 they don’t care. Like 95% men don’t care. They want a root and they want you to believe they care… lolll I’m not trying to sound like an incel this is genuinely just how boys are. So stop caring about this. Ifhhhhfjdjskxkk. I know it’s hard cuz you’re in high school and literally all I could think about in high school was getting fucked by my teacher or the other boys in the school and then driving around with them like that was it. And it is for a lot of girls.

He seemed engaged at first cuz he wanted a quick ootray and when you didn’t give out immediately that’s when and why he pulled back. Hope this helps. Boys are retarded just wait til you can comfortably date a 27 year old cuz that’s when the gears start clicking in their heads and they start treating you like a human being. Sorry

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robertogreco · 1 year

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This episode of watch #literature is brought to you by NOMOS Glashütte – The Great Universal ENCYCLOPAEDIA in Color and with an Impressive Map Section (2006). On page 80 of the book there is an entry titled “Five minutes for literature: Thomas Mann and time” that reads briefly:

On the following two-page spread is an important excerpt from Thomas Mann’s “Zauberberg” left in its original form for educational purposes.

The two-page spread is a photograph of pages 94 and 95 of a German edition of the book Der Zauberberg (1924) with a hand-drawn arrow added to the photo pointing to where to start.

The book has been translated to English as The Magic Mountain and it is part of the public domain, so I looked it up on Project Gutenberg (text and PDF), where the original German is also available. Below I’ve pasted the relevant passage, which appears on pages 65 through 67. If you are curious, after reading the passage highlighted by the Nomos encyclopedia, I am sure finding an EPUB or print copy of the book should be relatively easy if the digital versions I link to are too clunky. What you might also find interesting is the 1953 essay Mann wrote for The Atlantic: “The Making of “The Magic Mountain.”

*****

“How long does that go on?” he asked, turning round.

Joachim raised seven fingers.

“Seven minutes! But they must be up!”

Joachim shook his head. A little later he took the thermometer out of his mouth, looked at it, and said: “Yes, when you watch it, the time, it goes very slowly. I quite like the measuring, four times a day, for then you know what a minute — or seven of them — actually amounts to, up here in this place, where the seven days of the week whisk by the way they do!”

“You say ‘actually,’” Hans Castorp answered. He sat with one leg flung over the balustrade, and his eyes looked bloodshot. “But after all, time isn’t actual. When it seems long to you, then it is long; when it seems short, why, then it is short. But how long, or how short, it actually is, that nobody knows. He was unaccustomed to philosophize, yet somehow felt an impulse to do so.

Joachim gainsaid him. “How so? — we do measure it. We have watches and calendars for the purpose; and when a month is up, why, then up it is, for you, and for me, and for all of us.”

“Wait,” said Hans Castorp. He held up his forefinger, close to his tired eyes. “A minute, then, is as long as it seems to you when you measure yourself?”

"A minute is as long — it lasts as long — as it takes the second hand of my watch to complete a circuit.”

“But it takes such a varied length of time — to our senses! And as a matter of fact — I say taking it just as a matter of fact,” he repeated, pressing his forefinger so hard against his nose that he bent the end of it quite round, “it is motion, isn’t it, motion in space? Wait a minute! That means that we measure time by space. But that is no better than measuring space by time, a thing only very unscientific people do. From Hamburg to Davos is twenty hours — that is, by train. But on foot how long is it? And in the mind, how long? Not a second!”

“I say,” Joachim said, “what’s the matter with you? Seems to me it goes to your head to be up here with us!”

“Keep quiet! I’m very clear-headed to-day. Well, then, what is time?” asked Hans Castorp, and bent the tip of his nose so far round that it became white and bloodless. “Can you answer me that? Space we perceive with our organs, with our senses of sight and touch. Good. But which is our organ of time — tell me that if you can. You see, that’s where you stick. But how can we possibly measure anything about which we actually know nothing, not even a single one of its properties? We say of time that it passes. Very good, let it pass. But to be able to measure it — wait a minute: to be susceptible of being measured, time must flow evenly, but who ever said it did that? As far as our con-sciousness is concerned it doesn’t, we only assume that it does, for the sake of convenience; and our units of measurement are purely arbitrary, sheer conventions — “

“Good, Joachim said. “Then perhaps it is pure convention that I have five points too much here on my thermometer. But on account of those lines I have to drool about here instead of joining up, which is a disgusting fact.”

#time #watches #literature #Thomas Mann #Nomos #wristwatches

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grabyourluck-blog · 1 year

Text

Life is Short... Seize the Day!

New Post has been published on https://www.referral-master.com/life-is-short-seize-the-day/

Life is Short... Seize the Day!

Don’t be alarmed, but right now I want to shake you by the shoulders and slap you silly… Because I suspect you’re fast asleep at the wheel of life.

Well I have news for you, and I’m sure you’ve heard it before but maybe, just maybe this is the time when you finally sit up and take notice and start making some real changes in your life, because…

Life Is Too @#$Z&% Short!

Remember when you were a child and you believed life just goes on and on and on?

And now here it is, barely a few minutes later (or so it seems) and you discover that a major chunk of your life is now forever gone.

What the heck happened to it??? Did you blow it like someone blowing money on the horses? Or did you make the most of every moment?

There are millions of people who struggle just to make it through the day. They’re in jobs they hate, lives they don’t like doing things that hold no interest for them. And yet the clock ticks for them as it does for the rare person who is completely happy and content doing what they love to do.

Doberman Dan wrote something that fascinated me. I don’t know where he got these numbers, but they’re enough to shake awake anyone slumbering through life:

You’ve got 78 years on this earth, statistically speaking.

You spend 1/3 of that time sleeping so that leaves you with 49 and 11 months of “awake” years.

Subtract hours in school and that leaves you with 46 years and 4 months of your life remaining.

Subtract 91,000 hours on a job and you’ve got 35 years and 11 months remaining.

Subtract time driving, running errands, brushing your teeth, etc., and you’re now down to 32 years and two months.

Subtract eating, drinking, shopping, etc., and you’ve got 25 years and 10 months left.

Subtract chores and you’re down to 20 years and 1 month.

Subtract taking care of children and family, along with watching TV, playing video games and wasting time on the Internet and you’re now down to 9 years and 6 months of your life remaining.

78 years on this planet (if you’re lucky) and only 9 of them are yours.

See what I mean? Life is too @#$Z&% short.

Life is too short to let fear rule. Open your mind, arms and heart to new things and people. Take a chance, push through fear, let go of guilt, break down your goals to achievable steps and get moving TODAY.

Life is too short to be unhealthy. Get moving and get active and stop eating crap food, especially if you want to make it to 78+ and enjoy the journey.

Life is too short to be full of regrets, just as it’s too short to dream about your ‘glory days.’ You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Life is too short to be a slob. If you’re disorganized then you’re wasting time looking for things and wasting more time not doing the things you want to be doing.

Life is too short to be negative. Yes, occasionally negativity seeps in. But when negativity rears its ugly head you’ve got to beat it back with everything you’ve got, and never under any circumstance do you invite it in or ask it to make itself at home.

Life is too short to deal with or even think about rotten people. Are you worried about what that nasty person said about you? Why????? Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don’t even deserve to be an issue in your life.

Life is too short to keep up with the neighbors. Do you care how many new cars or televisions they have? I can’t think of anything more irrelevant than what the neighbor blew money on today.

Life is too short to be in a job you hate. If you’ve never had a job you hated, all the words in the world couldn’t explain this to you. But for the other 95% of people who know what I’m talking about, no explanation is necessary.

Life is too short to be poor. Yes, you might start out poor and that certainly isn’t your fault. But there comes a time when your finances are exactly what you make of them. There is nothing noble about being poor – it’s like having a ball and chain around your throat that stops you from living the life you want and instead wraps you in layers of stress and anxiety. If you don’t have the money you want, then get busy and make it. And yes, I do believe Internet Marketing is still hands down and bar none the best way a person can go from poverty to wealth in a relatively short amount of time (2 to 10 years.)

You and I and every single person we love is terminal – it’s just a matter of time. And every day we have a little bit less of that.

I’ll let the quote master Mark Twain have the last words…

“Life is short, Break the rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.” – Mark Twain

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icinch · 1 year

Text

Life is Short... Seize the Day!

New Post has been published on https://www.cinchhomebiz.com/life-is-short-seize-the-day/

Life is Short... Seize the Day!

Don’t be alarmed, but right now I want to shake you by the shoulders and slap you silly… Because I suspect you’re fast asleep at the wheel of life.

Life Is Too @#$Z&% Short!

Remember when you were a child and you believed life just goes on and on and on?

And now here it is, barely a few minutes later (or so it seems) and you discover that a major chunk of your life is now forever gone.

What the heck happened to it??? Did you blow it like someone blowing money on the horses? Or did you make the most of every moment?

Doberman Dan wrote something that fascinated me. I don’t know where he got these numbers, but they’re enough to shake awake anyone slumbering through life:

You’ve got 78 years on this earth, statistically speaking.

You spend 1/3 of that time sleeping so that leaves you with 49 and 11 months of “awake” years.

Subtract hours in school and that leaves you with 46 years and 4 months of your life remaining.

Subtract 91,000 hours on a job and you’ve got 35 years and 11 months remaining.

Subtract time driving, running errands, brushing your teeth, etc., and you’re now down to 32 years and two months.

Subtract eating, drinking, shopping, etc., and you’ve got 25 years and 10 months left.

Subtract chores and you’re down to 20 years and 1 month.

Subtract taking care of children and family, along with watching TV, playing video games and wasting time on the Internet and you’re now down to 9 years and 6 months of your life remaining.

78 years on this planet (if you’re lucky) and only 9 of them are yours.

See what I mean? Life is too @#$Z&% short.

Life is too short to be unhealthy. Get moving and get active and stop eating crap food, especially if you want to make it to 78+ and enjoy the journey.

Life is too short to be full of regrets, just as it’s too short to dream about your ‘glory days.’ You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

Life is too short to be a slob. If you’re disorganized then you’re wasting time looking for things and wasting more time not doing the things you want to be doing.

Life is too short to keep up with the neighbors. Do you care how many new cars or televisions they have? I can’t think of anything more irrelevant than what the neighbor blew money on today.

You and I and every single person we love is terminal – it’s just a matter of time. And every day we have a little bit less of that.

I’ll let the quote master Mark Twain have the last words…

“Life is short, Break the rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.” – Mark Twain

0 notes