#i wish that for me more than anything

[maybebi47]

sometime i sit there and think, will anyone ever love this body of mine? will anyone touch this body of mine before it rots away? will anyone ever look at it with love? desire? and see what i do not see in it? will i never be this lucky?

#im thinking about this lately its killing me #i have only ever loved and been loved by long distance people #there is this particular couple online #i have been watching the guys content lately and he is absolutely perfect #he's kind and compassionate and literally just a Perfcet Guy™️ #he has a wife that he adores more than the whole world #his instagram is literally just her pictures from his pov #perhaps the most loved woman on earth #and there is this odd pang in my chest this heaviness every time i see their love which is soooo strange to me #as im not the kind of person to parasocially fall in love with someone i dont even have celebrity crushes #but then i realized why #she has my body type she's fat like me she's an ordinary girl #i thought no one fell in love with girls like us #so yes eventually i realized im not jealous of her im jealous of how lucky she is to be loved by someone good #how lucky it is to find someone that looks at your body and desires it more than anything #but to also look at your soul and want you even more #i wish that for me more than anything #anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk #personal

[technicalgator]

I fuckin’ love meshed together taxidermy like this.

Kinda wish I did something like this with the first deer mount I got from my first buck kill. Woulda been waaay cooler.

#I especially love the first one #so cool #imagine bagging a deer and coyote and just goin to a taxidermist and be like #‘i wanna combine these two into one mount :)’ #idk as a taxidermist i’d see that as a fun challenge #I considered and still wanna be a taxidermist #i just really wish i had someone to teach me it vs learning from youtube or something #i wanna learn more than just step by step #wanna get that experience and life stories too y’know? #also i dunno if i should put any like content warning tags so lemme know if i should tag it anything specific #so that the people who don’t wanna see this stuff can avoid it in the future #taxidermy #taxidermy deer #deer taxidermy #deer mount #gator bellows

[p4nishers]

there's something i need to say and yall can boo me for it but deep in my heart i'll always know i'm correct: crowley already forgave aziraphale. like already would take him back at one flutter of his eyelashes. that's all.

#do i wish he wouldn't forgive so easily (tho i don't actually think aziraphale needs forgiveness since he didn't do anything wrong and #actually without his decision their love story would've been stuck as it was for more than 6000 years and also heaven would never change #without someone dismantling it and making it new) #yes i do wish that and i also wish he'd learn self worth but we gotta be realistic here he never once been able to stay mad at aziraphale #all those times they had fights where aziraphale was (mostly) in the wrong and rejected crowley what did crowley do? immediately come #CRAWLING and BEGGING back like pls yall this is why i don't read post s2 fics bc everyone suddenly seems to forget their whole canon #personalities and history w each other and it's annoying me so much like i get that we all are hoping crowley learns from his mistakes and #stops being so easy for aziraphale (not me tho) but realistically speaking it's just not gonna happen and once again aziraphale DIDN'T. DO. #ANYTHING. WRONG. yes he hurt crowley with his decision but CROWLEY HURT HIM WITH HIS TOO so if yall wants an apology dance it's gonna turn #into a waltz cause they'd both need to do it #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #go s2

[4getful4444]

best thing i drew today actually i think

anyways heres the other stuff

it actually started because of the metalhead gamzee drawing. .. . . might continue the saga and do pastel pink eridan because i think im hillarious

#homestuck #homestuck art #homestuck fanart #hs fanart #hom3stuck #vriska serket #eridan ampora #gamzee makara #completely self indulgent because i wish i could dress like vriska except i have a FAMILY #who will KILL me if i wear anything more than a band shirt and thats already thin ice #implied erivris

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[sonic-adventure-3]

re: “this is like stealing candy from a baby, which is fine by me!” of shth05; i’m obsessed with the smartasses that’re like “well shadow wasn’t literally saying he’s fine stealing from babies, he just meant that it’s fine that it’s easy” cause that’s like, true, if kind of a downer when you’re making a joke, however it completely misses the context THAT HE’S LITERALLY STEALING FROM A CHILD IN THAT SCENE. HE IS STEALING FROM TAILS. ACTIVELY. THATS TAILS’ SHIP HE’S STEALING FROM. AND SAYS “IT’S LIKE STEALING CANDY FROM A BABY”. and the best part is that depending on the route you take, HE’S DOING IT FOR A SECOND TIME. cause in circus park, the infamous DAMN fourth chaos emerald is tails’, having been dislodged from the cyclone, and if you do the neutral path shadow just takes it. if after that you then do mad matrix hero, THEN YOU STEAL AN EMERALD FROM TAILS A SECOND TIME IN THE LEADUP TO LOST IMPACT. HE STEALS FROM THAT CHILD TWICE. AND IT’S EASY AS FUCK

#i found that someone reposted my ‘is stealing from children fine actually’ thing to reddit #which is whatever. they credited me and i don’t use reddit so idrc #but of course cause it’s reddit there’s some smartasses um actually-ing in the comments #if you’re gonna um actually me at least know more than i do about what i’m referencing lol #more than anything i simply NEED people to know this information #it’s completely reasonable not to but i wish everyone did #rambles #shth05

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!

whaddaya think makes tracks like that? / needletail and violetpaw

#my art #do not copy trace or steal #needletail #violetshine #warriors #warrior cats #wc #waca #wc art #squints i think i have all of the tags #THIS TOOK feels like WAY SHORTER THAN THE OTHER ONES #but probably bc theres like. way less grass in this one and more snow and thats way easier to do #THE WAY I DID LIGHTING U CANT RLLY TELL I MADE VIOLET A CALICO </3 hell on earth #IM RLLY SATISFIED WITH HOW NICE THIS CAME OUT + HOW FAST I WAS ABLE TO DO IT #it was on/off all day bc i have felt just physically weird . not bad but not good but not sick #anyway wish me luck on my exam and my paper ^_^ more worried about my exam than anything #its mostly monomers im worried about x_x i can tell u the most out there biology fact but i cannot tell u shit abt carbohydrates #anyway i am going to bed goodnight yall <3 its only like 12:30 rn WHICH ISNT BAD TBH #would u guys believe me if i said i was a little nervous posting because i feel like i forget something every time #i always get the nerves before i post and then i post and its fine AHBDLFHGBD #OKOK goodnight for realsies #tag edit carbohydrates arent monomers theyre fucking polymers THIS ONLY ILLUSTRATES MY POINT FURTHER

[sprinklersart]

they should show up to kazansky family events together occasionally over the years and do fun family things like share an air mattress in the living room with ices 19 year old cousin and take a 4 hour trip to the grocery store just for milk and chainsmoke behind the shed with ice’s sister. they deserve it ❤️

#tom iceman kazansky #pete maverick mitchell #top gun #icemav #trying some ways to color that are slightly more interesting than what I normally do #I think I like it #ices family life/history is so clearly mapped out in my mind I may have to make a post about it #ice is alicia goodwife if her parents had stayed together instead of her mom getting divorced four times #surely wishing every day of my life until I was 17 that my parents would final #ly pull the trigger and split up will not have any lasting impacts on myself or my relationships ice says dead serious #and mav is like surely growing up mythologizing my parents in order to put an extreme amount of pressure on myself to live up to made up #expectations and as a consequence of all that not knowing how to me anything but individualistic and stressed about it will not have any #adverse effects on myself or my relationships #meanwhile slider over there is estranged from his parents and on normal terms with his siblings like a normal well adjusted gay man in 1997 #anyways shout out to gay people who don’t come out to their families until theyre 40 years old #ily

[densitywell]

Marisha's comment about how Relvin is one of those parents who ended up with a child they didn't know what to do with really gets to the heart of it, i think, and is such a good way to tie the fantasy element of Imogen's powers into things more tangible. because there are really a lot of parents like Relvin in real life, who have a child with the person they're happily married to and never expect to be left alone with the kid. or who expect a ""normal"" (read: cisgender and heterosexual, able-bodied, relatively neurotypical and obedient, etc.) child and end up with one who's ""difficult"", who demands more or different of them than what they believe they signed up for. and that's not entirely entitlement on a parent's part- many cultures' common frameworks of parenthood and child-rearing do not include space for these children. it makes sense that Relvin was unprepared. raising any child is difficult, and raising a child whose needs you were never taught how to accommodate, who the world is so cruel to, is even more challenging.

and yet. and yet, the person who bears the brunt of the harm in these situations will always be the child. they're the ones who have to live every moment of how the world treats them, without the support that their parent is supposed to provide them. and when asked to care for his child even when she turned out to be ""difficult"", Relvin couldn't. for entirely sympathetic reasons, of course. he tried, in his own way. i don't think he's a bad guy. but he's let his own broken heart bleed onto his daughter. he hasn't been able to give her much else.

#imogen temult #critical role #cr #cr3 #like it's really sad what happened to relvin we all know this. but seeing how dani scrambled over herself last night #to clarify that she DOESN'T think relvin is an awful person just bc she thinks he's a shitty dad made me feel for her so much bc like. #sometimes the Posts. about him. feel a little “why do bash dead beat dads but never question if the kid has bad vibes.” so. #especially in comparison to liliana who is 1. worse than relvin 2. still sympathetic 3. more interesting to a nearly comical degree #and while he gets so much sympathy On Here ppl mostly post abt her to wish for her death or call her a bitch. so! #parenting talk is a minefield bc some ppl resent the idea that a child deserves anything more from a parent than basic needs being met #and refuse to include emotional needs among them. so like idk if that's your thing i don't rlly give a shit man #crposting

[loveofastarvingdog]

trying to find the metaphysical vegetable that may bring me less despair

#timothy's txts. #the food that is in my house is not nothing more than unfilling waste rn and it’s all i’ve eaten for ages #and i want something warm and homemade and filling #but i can’t go get anything because i don’t think this counts as essential during the strike #and everything is so heavy i wish i could be hugged by my mom #or eat her white chili or stromboli or my grandmother’s funeral potatoes #and it’s so hard to be hopeful when the bad thing you dread is actually happening #not pessimism not cynicism it’s just. reality. #but the past few days have felt like hell in my brain like i’m looking through the warping rubber wall of a fucking balloon #maybe it’s the preemptive grief #or maybe my body is finally giving in to the slick oil spill brain fog syrup that’s been swallowing me for the past three years #who can say !

[juniperleafdelivery]

#my art #trans #side note: following tags are a pretty long thought dump #ugh okay i'm going to be honest #i didn't know anything about predstrogen until she was banned and many people started talking about her #also looked through photomatt's blog very briefly #to me he sounds callous- if that's the right word. he just didn't seem to care about what happened to predstrogen prior to her being banned #also? car with hammers that explodes multiple times feels far from being a serious death threat to me #yes predstrogen explicitly mentioned death wishes #but i don't know. what she said is more cartoonish than serious #also something i noticed from photomatt: where is the evidence that predstrogen threatened other users? #i haven't been looking into all this that deeply #but that photomatt stating that as part of the reason for predstrogen's ban and then not elaborating is. weird. for lack of better words #on a slightly different note: i love tumblr and how i can be my silly queer self and nobody cares #but if we don't stand up for each other — especially those who are constant targets for harrassment and other crappy things #tumblr will eventually die or bear no resemblance to the site i enjoy so much #maybe i'm privileged! being a trans masc guy #or maybe i'm ignorant #but i guess i have a tendency to say a lot. and i hate staying silent when i have the opportunity to speak out #so i'm going to scream #and i hope y'all are going to speak in support of trans women too

[sciderman]

You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.

But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?

because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)

#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting. #Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project. #peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance. #me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away. #take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me. #sci speaks #I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually. #all my relationships have been. pretty short. #and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t. #a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak. #but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing. #because I really don’t know. #I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days. #I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely. #I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time. #and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it. #it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything. #I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless. #but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no

[skrunksthatwunk]

look i know dethklok is a quaint little menagerie of dudes with mad parental baggage (minus nathan he's in the control group) and that the fandom also gravitates towards those conflicts and themes and stuff because fuckin duh obviously but like. well. um. does anyone else get just like.. Absurdly emotional at murderface calling skwisgaar his strong and brave little soldier or is that just my particular brain poison

#ow. (plays it again) ow. (plays it again) ow. (plays it again) #mtl #metalocalypse #dethklok #william murderface #skwisgaar skwigelf #like damn. wish someone talked like that to me when i was a kid. how'd he even learn to do that no one even taught him or anything #like yeah i think some of his desire to take this role is because he wants to be important to someone (and also wants respect) and being a #father figure is a way of achieving that. it's not 100% about banging skwis' mom it's about validation and interpersonal connection #but he (on a whim!) was more tender with skwis than. well. my parents ever were even when they were trying. #sigh #looping pickles daddy issues comp like a very very well adjusted adult. look the vulnerability in his voice really gets to me ok #it's about my love for voice acting i swear (<- not even trying to convince you + head in my hands) #nyarla dni #shit's embarrassing sorry man

[skeletoninthemelonland]

😭😭

#BEHIND THE CODES SPRINGTRAP NOOO #Hi. im posting this here during a break from studying. i'll be back soon though #:] #i plan on making some springdad au animations in the future to better my skills #working on the au helped me get through some stuff irl and honestly im not ready to let go of it so soon #i'd say its different from the aftons suburb one. i had lost interest in it when it became some sort of shitpost #there is nothing wrong in having 'shitpost aus' but ig its not how i wish to view things #i do like ephemeral stuff #things that last for a while and that make you think 'woah. im glad i had the opportunity to see this' are always my favorite #aftons suburb was one of these cases #springdad au is going through the same path. but i trully believe theres more content to come from it #oh and about BTC? #i took a break from it. its been two or three months since that folder was last opened (and if i did open it. i didnt do anything) #its relatively hard to come up with good dialogs when theres also a need to comprehend how different characters express themselves #especially when said characters are older than you. or smarter than you in some way #some of them speak louder. while others will speak through their actions #thought i had to grow up a bit more to understand how these things work. #turns out. that mindset was blocking the whole creative process #anyway. its going to take a while #thank you for your patience

[noisytenant]

Being reminded once again that a lot of people have fucking sleeper cell agent triggers that make them instantly fail to see the human being in front of them, regardless of any personal history they have or any rapport. instantly, that person is an Enemy that cannot be reasoned with. Permanent fight or flight.

And that instead of this being seen as, you know, a rather maladaptive attitude to bring to your relationships that will permanently strip you of the capacity to experience full love and companionship, there is a dominant strain of thinking that this is a reasonable, righteous, moral good.

That a "boundary" looks like building an impenetrable wall that nobody can see but you; That conversation, negotiation, and collaboration aren't just avoided--They're treated with contempt. The very notion of trying to understand why another human being that you care about may suddenly act in an unpleasant or even monstrous way is spat upon and trampled underfoot. Complete abandonment is considered a first line of defense rather than a last resort.

I think we all need to do our best to get over this kind of thinking. And I don't mean that we should be push-overs; In actuality, moving away from this kind of rigid "boundary" often means advocating for yourself and fighting for what you think is right. I think we all deserve friends and allies who can compassionately challenge us when we adopt ways of thinking and behaving that hurt others without immediately assuming the worst.

#indexed post #Nothing happened to me specifically just pissed due to events in the orbit #The only qualifier I'll include here is that we have limited energy and this is specifically geared toward people you have a relationship w/ #I think random strangers also deserve respect and compassionbut I'm not taking the time to give it to em. That's another person's problem #Also don't give me any 'yeah except for x' shit. I do think if we were able to perfectly know the heart of a person #and see that they are causing or wish to cause harm and refuse to change course at all #Then yeah sure we can say that there's a hard line #But I think very often peoples' convictions are more complicated and contradictory than they may seem #And we cannot rewrite someone's entire experience and nuance with one data point we arbitrarily decide is 'too far' #Anyways this is just a rant it's not the best thesis or anything but hope it resonates or stirs some thought

[haechub]

random haechie gifs 4 ʕ ﹷ ᴥ ﹷʔ

(all mine, videos mostly from tl/bookmarks on twt)

#these are less random more recent haechie gifs more than anything #still kinda random #we have been fed recently though wow so much coming out these days it feels like #my friend also saw them in dc the other day for jingle ball *sobs* #i wish i couldve gone but i had work to do unfortunately #catch me at tds3 though!!! ill make it my lifes mission to see my man #ok me rambling sorry im back i guess idk i might do posts for different members after this #wait for more clips to accumulate for him #thank u :3 he's my skrunkly (affectionately) #haechan #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #nct #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv #nct u #gifs #gifset #haechan gifs #nct gifs #haechub