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obeymematches · 4 years

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gumdopfairy matchup request~

Hello! May I request a matchup? Sorry if it is too long. ><

Synopsis: I come off as distant and awkward. I don’t talk much and if I do, I am agreeable and soft-spoken. I would say I am sensitive, transparent, emotional, understanding, curious, carefree, and clumsy. I am expressive and am not afraid to show my feelings, people would say I am an open book. I always cry at sad movies or scenes where you’re supposed to cry. I have 4 siblings and it’s fun but tiring at the same time, I’m the butt of every joke and am treated like the youngest. I also like to tease those I am very close with. I am expressive and (sometimes childish) with those I am very close to and agreeable with the general public. In a group work setting, I am diligent and reasonable when doing my job.

Habits/Interests/Dreams: I say ‘what the heck’ a lot, it’s a habit tbh. I rant when I am passionate. A dream of mine is to enjoy life with people I love, to travel, capture beautiful scenery and eat lots of sweets! I like learning about international cultures, languages and funky things like did you know smelling your own fart prevents Alzhimer’s disease because of hydrogen sulfide and egg-smells? LOL.

Travel, psychology, and society-related documentaries interests me. I am currently a (elementary) A2 level Korean, I want to study more of the language because I like Korean music and culture. The concept of time travel, multitudes of reality and isekai worlds intrigue and fascinate me, I like reading fictional stuff about it. I have good knowledge of geography. My siblings always tease me when the number 13 shows because…..I want to always avoid the number and really hate that number. I used to do judo in high school and I have a fascination with martial arts. :D

Likes/Dislikes: I like pastels, sunsets, flowers, photography, sweets, fried foods, skincare, sparkly stuff, lip gloss, memes, dad jokes and games.

I dislike it when people assume things about me like they know me (when they really don’t), condescending people, ignorance, waking up early and seafood. I like my freedom and want to be independent, and dislike it immensely being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I really don’t like listening to lectures (doesn’t everyone though?). I’m not academically inclined but I have decent grades. I really don’t like math and chemistry T_T

In depth: I am pretty sensitive when people criticize or judge me only if it’s constructive but if it is outright just to insult me than I will say something bc that upsets the heck outta me. Because I have such a big immediate family (there’s 7 of us) I am family-oriented so playing Obey Me really reminds me a lot of my family(esp siblings I have 4). In fact, I do get irritated easily and I am working on my short-temper. I am understanding and always try my best to not look at things just in my perspective but others as well. I am pessimistic in nature but I do genuinely want to see the good in people and in life. When thinking about my feelings and knowing the why I feel the way I do and how it affects others, you could say there is emotional intelligence. :)

My insecurity without a doubt is caring too much on what people think of me and how content I am with myself. I think this is because of me, my past “friends” who judged me so critically which had a negative effect on how I see myself. Because of that, I have very few friends. In fact, I don’t really have any. I kind of just lost my self of self and trust for people. And my insecurity with of how unrefined, incompetent or unlikable I am, I’ve been told a lot to “grow up” and “stop asking dumb questions.”

I want to be loved and not to be judged so harshly. Since I am slowly becoming an adult I have to discard my awkward, playful tendencies in front of others. Even though I have low self-esteem it bothers me when being told that I did something or said something, it discredits my character and what gives one the right to tell me what I did or said when I know myself more than them?

Relationships: I honestly never had a boyfriend or any real close, close friends but I have a very close sibling who I grew up since I was an infant and it’s my younger sister (only by 16 months). She is truly my best friend and sister. I tend to like who are confident but also cool, they’re not domineering. I also find myself liking those who are opposite from me. The airheadness in me juxtaposed with my partner’s grounded nature. I’m pretty reckless and clumsy myself so it’d make sense if someone is reasonable and well-coordinated which would balance us out. My pessimism balanced with his optimism and/or realism.

I can offer my close companionship, humor, someone to listen to your troubles/ranting, and someone you can have ramen with and have conversations about anything without having restraint. Someone who I can be free with. Someone who can accept my flaws and who can help me improve myself and I would do the same for them.

We can laugh together, spend time with each other, make each other cry, fight and be there for each other when we are feeling low. A best friend and a partner for life, someone who would not harshly constrain, judge or tear me down as an individual. Wow, I am crying writing this. I am so idealistic about what I want in my relationships mainly because I never had one but deep down, I don’t think it’s like that in real life.

Hobbies: otome games, learning Korean, pilates/ workout videos, eating, and bothering my siblings

My Fangirl self: I am a big fan of Avatar:The Last Airbender and One Punch Man (Genos is husbando material lol). I also really like Free and Haikyuu. Hot 2D men, babies, and puppies are my weaknesses. I read a lot of romance, isekai, and action webtoons/mangas and like watching it too.

Appearance wise, I’m 163 cm, and Asian so I have medium standard straight dark hair and I’m slim.

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Hey! Thank you for your request! Sorry for the wait!

It was pretty hard to decide who would be the best partner for you. I thought about Beelzebub or Leviathan. Because Levi is into animes, mangas and Asian culture, but Beel loves food and his siblings especially Belphie. Hope you like my decision, because I decided to choose Beelzebub!

Here is why:

I think it’s ideal for Beel to have a quite clumsy girl with him. I can imagine when you, for example, fall down on the stairs and he catch you! He would protect and take care of you. He would be right there for you when you can’t reach something!

He may look serious and mean, but actually he isn’t!

When you watch a sad movie or when someone judges you, he would try his best to make you feel happy again. Make you some food or maybe cuddle with you!

You mentioned that you are an open book which would make Beel understand you even more. Being transparent is very important if you want a healthy relationship!

He is very close to his brothers. He would do anything for them. His best friend is Belphegor, and I think it’s good because your best friend is your sibling too. Imagine all of you hanging out like a super big family!! I think Beel can get along with pretty much anyone.

Beel is very positive and rewarding so it would be ideal for you as there would be a balance.

Both of you loves to eat, it would be a great date to go eat something, or make food together. I’m sure he will share his food with you! (Especially if you share your food with him too) Trust me he knows the best places to get food from! Also when you travel, he is going to encourage you to try food you maybe wouldn’t otherwise!

He would think your “what the heck” habit is cute though. Imagine him smiling so cutely to hmself every time you say it! If you two hang out a lot he might start saying it a lot too!

Beel would love to hear your voice so talk to him about everything! You can trust him! He is not too talkative himself, so your tendencies to rant gives a good balance!

Moreover he would support you in everything! He is one of the most supporting brothers!

Also don’t worry. He has 6 siblings, it’s much worse than 4, he knows what you mean when you say you are tired!

Beelzebub would join you to watch differents shows or animes, but make sure there’s food!

I’m sure you would enjoy the time that you spend together! He can be very adorable and careful. Maybe he would invite you to the gym or hiking (or maybe to do judo), but reward you with a kiss for example.

He would make your day better for example with a romantic dinner or to just go out and watch the sunset with a picnic even if it’s the day you don’t like, so he tries to get your mind off it.

Leviathan would join you if you want to play games or listen to kpop. Of course while this make sure you give food to Beel to make him less jealous. But he is not the most jealous type, so really there’s not much to worry about.

Furthermore, if you don’t want to wake up early, he would stay in bed with you and cuddle. But sometimes Belphegor would be a better partner for this and he would treat you as his sister.

He would hold your hand until he falls asleep. Think about that!

Chemistry and Math is definitely not Beel’s favourite ones as well. You better get help from Lucifer or Satan! But Beel won’t judge you based on your grades!

He would laugh at your jokes, and try to make you laugh too!

He wouldn’t judge you and say mean things to you because he would really value you and you would mean the world for him beside food.

He needs emotional support though.(SPOILER depending on where you are in the story) Sometimes he blame himself for some mistakes. Thats why it’s nice that you are emotionally mature, he definitely needs someone he can rely on emotionally as well.

Also he will make sure that you don’t think about what others think of you! He loves you the way you are!

He is the youngest, so you can be childish together!

He is pretty flexible and confident, so no turn-offs so far!

He is the tallest one so I think you would look super cute next to him (he is like 205 cm lmao)

I think he is really patient and actually encouraging so hanging out with him will definitely boost your confidence!

I think in canon he never really had any relationship before either, so it would be amazing to learn about relationships together!

I think theres no thing like “thats not how it is in real life”, you just have to keep looking. Fortunately Beel has similar values as you, as he can be shy and that makes opening up to someone hard - meaning the friendship can last some time before you establish a relationship. A healthy relationship is based on being best friends with your partner, so I think you are on the same page.

Maybe sometimes you and Belphie would team up to prank him, what do you think?

He definitely adores that you care for yourself and that you are stylish! Asmo probably knows more about these than Beel, but thanks to Asmo’s influence Beel will suprise you with how much cosmetics he can name!

So in conclusion he is a very supportive boyfriend, and you are also supporting him through the journey of healing from the past. A very cute relationship and you two can do anything together. He can get you do some sports and you can get him to watch some shows on rainy days. However food is something you both enjoy a lot, so restaurant or cooking dates are common! Even if you travel. Knowing that you can trust the other no matter what will boost the confidence of the both of you! He can be less talkative but that’s fine because you can talk! He is also rather optimistic, so there is a balance in that as well. Sometimes he might get jealous of Levi or Belphie if you hang out with them too much, but thats just something to have a conversation about. He is cool and rather chill, definitely gets along well with your family too, which is very important because both of you are family-oriented!

#om!#obey me #obey me!#obey me shall we date #om beel #om beelzebub #obey me beelzebub #beel #beelzebub obey me #obey me matchup #swd obey me #obey me swd #submission

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askmyboys · 4 years

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Dean and Jason

Names: Dean Williamson and Jason Bishop | Genders: Male | Ages: Dean is 32 and Jason is 34 | Heights: Dean is 5'0" and Jason is 7'5" | Species/Race: Humans | Eye Colors: Dean's eye color is Forest Green (both their eye colors are going to be for their meanings mostly), and Jason has heterochromia- his left eye is Steel Gray, his right eye is Shadow Black. | Hair Colors: Dean's is Ginger (his hairstyle is a messy undercut), and Jason's hair color is black (and his hairstyle is an extreme spiky quiff) | Appearances: Dean l o v e s hoodies, he has a full collection of hoodies and its about all he wears tbh, his main hoodie is one that has the words "Fuck Off" written on the front and "Fuck You" on the back of it, he wears some ripped blue jeans to go along with it- most of his pants are ripped and the non-hoodie clothing is also ripped mostly (thats not the reason he mainly wears hoodies tho, their just more comfy ya know?), he also wears combat boots as well (oh and as a bonus he also loves tank tops- he just wears hoodies more), whenever he DOES wear his tank tops however- he usually has white bandages wrapped around his wrists and down his arms a bit (you know- like how some of those wrestlers wear sometimes), he's not SUPER muscular but you can tell he works out for sure, he also has a lot of scars on him- nothing TOO prominent- it just looks like he got into a lotta fights mostly (and of course, he has a circle beard that matches his hair color) Jason usually wears tank tops mostly, his jeans either have chains hanging down them or their ripped jeans, and of course combat boots as well- sometimes if he REALLY feels like it, he'll put on a... "fancier" outfit, those outfits are usually leather jackets with spikes on them, black fingerless driving gloves (ya know those ones that expose the fingers for one obvs but also they kinda reveal the knuckles too), the pants stay the same in both his main and secondary outfits tbh, he has a full beard, and oh BOY does this man look strong- he looks like he can easily lift a thousand pounds (not that GROSS OVERLY muscle-y look either btw just wanna make that v clear but he just looks- Idk- is beefy the right term to use? Lmao- you can tell I dont know shit bout exercise or any terms), he also has a TON of scars on him even on his face, he's covered almost head to toe in scars- big boy's been through a lot. | Personalities: Dean is a rough rowdy boy who won't take shit from anyone even IF he knows they could easily kick his ass, absolutely against authority- don't tell him what to do and stay out of his way while he's doing it or else he'll mess you up! He LOVES to fight tbh in general so sometimes he'll go picking a fight for just no reason if he's bored enough that is, he l o v e s to cause trouble and honestly hearing people scream in frustration at what he did or caused is always funny, he likes to pull "pranks" on people as well to frustrate them further, honestly you might as well consider him a masochist at this point because he seems to enjoy pain well enough, absolutely without a d o u b t LOVES mindless carnage, p much a bad boy? like jfc- this dude needs to seriously chill out, he's not a fair fighter either so you better believe he'll use weapons if he gets the chance. (tl;dr: Rough rowdy boy, will not take shit from anyone even if he knows they could beat him up, "Fuck authority and fuck your rules I do what I want bitches", loves a good brawl for sure- he is DTF 24/7 (Down to Fight lmao I couldnt resist), has some v e r y prominent masochistic and hell even SADISTIC tendencies at this point, loves to prank people and watch them grow more frustrated, loves frustrating people in general tbh, needs to chill but he won't, an absolute dirty fighter and he WILL use weapons against someone if he can, mindless carnage is his J A M, he does have a soft side however, but uh, his "Soft side" is only for ONE person and one person only h e h) Jason is.... pretty opposite of Dean, he doesn't start fights for the hell of it but uh he definitely won't take shit from nobody if they even dare mess with him or especially Dean, people don't usually mess with him anyways tbh- their too terrified bc he's s o tall and beefy looking that it intimidates people- not to mention the look he usually has on his face- he scowls a lot which just adds to the intimidation factor, he's pretty quiet most of the time (wow completely opposite of Dean in that regard, Dean is a LOUD BOI), he might look all intimidating and scary but honestly, that's because.... He absolutely is, he WILL snap your neck like a twig if you mess with him or god forbid Dean, he only has a soft side for o n e man, and it should be obvious by now lmao, a loner type mostly, you can usually find him in the back because its dark and quiet, now I won't say he doesn't have sadistic urges sometimes bc he absolutely does- he just has good self restraint ...most of the time anyways... he's not really a masochist but honestly he must have a HIGH pain tolerance because he BARELY reacts when someone punches or even cuts him. (tl;dr: Opposite of Dean in MANY ways, he doesn't start fights for the hell of it, but can and will defend himself if the situation calls for it, will not take no one's shit for sure, VERY intimidating- even one look usually sends people running, scowls like- a LOT- like Dean: "Don't you like, e v e r smile?" *cut to Jason smiling but its v e r y unsettling and disturbing looking* " Holy fuck... Nevermind...", usually hangs out in the background somewhere- where its quiet n dark p much, loner type BUT the only person he really likes hanging out with is Dean despite how annoying the little punk can be sometimes, definitely has some sadistic urges but his self restraint can be a great deal of help when those urges come around, not a masochist at all he just has a HIGH pain tolerance and doesn't even flinch at anything hardly, hell most of the time the most he'd do is s t a g g e r a bit if ya hit him with a weapon that is or run into him) | Side Facts: I will say, Dean and Jason DO fight each other a lot, arguments and even physical stuff BUT- lemme make it clear, they'd never hurt each other TOO badly, they just love to rough each other up a bit sometimes, its fun to them and they never have any hard feelings against each other about it- bc they do both love to fight, I mean- that dont mean they don't get salty if one beats the other in a fight, they do know self control and restraint when fighting each other however- they'd n e v e r ACTUALLY cause serious damage, they just a couple o' rowdy boys who are super fucking gay for each other. Yep. you heard me, the truth is out- Dean has a crush on Jason, and Jason has a crush on Dean- BUT... They don't actually know it, like sure- they know one another won't seriously hurt each other which both of them respect each other for that, but Jason doesn't know Dean has a crush on him, and Dean doesn't know Jason has a crush on him especially, I mean hell- Jason looks like he barely has any emotion and the only time he does is when he CAN cause some mindless carnage or destruction- most of the time he just looks pissed off. Truth be told, this is the only time they've ever r e a l l y been afraid tho... like, Dean's scared to tell Jason his feelings bc what if Jason rejects him or for some reason gets really pissed and p much leaves him there all alone, he just has a lot of fear and anxiety over this kinda thing, and Jason... he doesn't think Dean will feel the same and just make fun of him for that like "lmao your g a y? Gross dude" (listen, let's get one thing straight, first of all- their not, second of all- Dean IS an asshole BUT he's not THAT kinda asshole lmao) so Jason's got some fears of this too their just significantly different than Dean's- so if ANYONE of them tells each other bout the feelings, it'll probs be Dean firsthand- Jason's just gonna keep quiet of that in fear Dean'll make fun of him for this kinda feeling, especially towards h i m- its essentially just two dudes who's super gay for each other but terrified to tell each other about the other's feelings n shit. In Dean's spare time he usually chills out well, anywhere he really wants too (he can honestly be super chill, like MORE SO than usual when Jason's around and he knows it), but he'll usually kick back and relax and listen to some music on his phone- his favorite genre is heavy metal, punk rock, or just anything rock in general mostly- he better be glad he has headphones bc Jason would probably become v e r y irritated hearing that loud music all the time, or if music doesn't appeal to Dean at the moment- he'll watch some videos instead- he doesn't do m u c h in his spare time aside from those and well, most of the times he'll work out with Jason- which even tho Dean can be loud most of the time, Jason seems to, well from Dean's perspective- he "tolerates" his presence p much. In Jason's spare time he usually just hangs out in "the back" he likes the darker areas and the much more quiet areas, usually whenever he's got spare time he works out a L O T- along with Dean, who again, this is from Jason's perspective now- Jason actually loves having Dean around to work out with, its nice in a way... Aside from work outs, he'll sometimes read some books, listen to some music of his own, orrr watch videos on his phone as well, there is ONE thing he does aside from that though... He loves to find and collect certain items that he k n o w s he could make weapons out of, at first, Dean didn't understand why the fuck Jason was collecting all this junk but he didn't dare question it, but after a long while... Jason had came out from his little area and he gave Dean a few weapons, ranging from a baseball bat to a knife- which, Dean- he actually genuinely smiled- not that shit eating grin that's usually plastered on his face but a genuine smile came from this boy, he... he absolutely loved those weapons- he treats them fondly too even to this day.

#dean williamson #jason bishop #new ocs #my ocs #punk boys #rough rowdy boys is what they are tbh #they also super gay for each other #so have these boys

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subjectsilver · 7 years

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my psyche and wormy be ruthless sometimes.

originally i told myself that i was only going to use tumblr every sunday to log what has happened throughout the week or anything noticeable or note worthy but i literally need to type this right now because I'm losing my goddamn mind and on the verge of a panic attack...i can feel my chest tightening and my heart has such a “funny” feeling that isn't so funny so idk why they call it that... its like a light feeling like when u get light headed - i feel light hearted rn

the absolute worst part about my depression is that it literally just comes and goes whenever it wants. obviously theres things that help trigger it, a song a picture of my ex friends snapchats, any object that i can play connect the dots with back to a single thought that can disrupt my entire mental.

and it hit me tonight and it hit me hard and tonight I'm trying not to run away from it. I'm not going to go smoke cigarettes and listen to music until 5 am I'm trying to just type what is going on instead of like holding it into my head. or type something at least. the thing about it is that whenever it hits me, i always find a way to make it so much worse.... like i see just the right combination of words or objects to sink me or look at pictures of emma and even though i know its hurting me i continue to do it anyway....maybe its because in that moment I'm actually feeling something, she is making me feel something just like she use to in the past. i really valued that until i became too grey and numb and hopeless.

i feel like throwing up

i used “ex” up there and makes me feel really uneasy i haven't used it very much at all mainly because i have to explain myself to anyone here and I've only told a few people what is going on with me. That was good thought because i have a friend named hank who went through some shit too so he kind of connects with me but still not a person i would talk to about shit...i don't really have anyone for that so i don't really know... sometimes i type it all and erase it, sometimes i make songs, sometimes i say it out laid sometimes i just cry.

i started taking prozac 3 days ago this will be the fourth, so hopefully that'll help me. Im still underweight as fuck but oddly I'm comfortable with it bc i like the way my shirts feel and clothes fit, unfortunately i need to gain like 20 pounds if i want to exist on this soccer team which is kinda mad. I was going to suggest leaving wake because i don't really even care to play soccer rn. and i realized a while back that all i needed was in ohio... like i had the best friends the girl of my dreams and i could've had a 1st year internship paying between 40-70k at some health company under my step dad... its kinda shitty because its something i wanted to tell everyone and i would always think about how disappointed my dad would be and how supportive my mom would be but something told me not do make moves with any of it. its like the universe knew i was going to go through some shit. like it knew i was gonna get low and the perfect image of life i had in my head up. like bitch u thought you'd plant roots,,,nahhhhhhtttt

i keep listening to this song on repeat

https://soundcloud.com/yvpoipoi/maxence-cyrin-where-is-my-mind

but the real is back the ville is back

i fucking hated listening to cole until like 2 weeks ago. it was so annoying listening to cole bc of hani playing it literally all the time. when things like that get annoying they because white noise to me. but recently i went through his 3 most recent projects and actually listened heavily to the words and that shit is crazy.

i also have been paying a lot of attention to jay z and beyonce. i guess jay z had an affair or some shit and ten he and “once” went back and forth on songs about it... but i read this quote by him where he was like “our relationship was built on top of lies, and i had to tear it down and build it back up again and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.” thats the kind of shit that gives me hope in the world of relationships. I've accepted that its probably false hope but ill hold onto anything the keeps me going at this point...

my suicidal thoughts haven't been present the last few days but i never know if and when those will come back. to be truthful I've been stacking up on things in my camera roll that give me up for when I'm feeling low.

the light hearted feeling has subsided, i just realized it. i kinda of ignore all grammatical practices when i write freely. i just go with my own language because i feel like its more personal ya know. someone i know annotates her own letters that she use to write me and i always loved that shit because i have so many side thoughts when i write as well.

luke christophers album finally came out and what do you know 5 of the songs had already been released and some like a year ago so its barely anything knew but it still has new music and bangers so i do appreciate the legend himself. after seeing his hair blonde on the cover idk if I'm going to keep growing my hair black or re-dye it. maybe ill keep it blonde until i feel like I'm above 80% better or something right now i feel about -7% (if i could annotate that line id tell you that i originally wrote -7 person instead of percent then i autocorrected person then backspaced it to a symbol)

the last few days I've felt really weak though and I've been sleeping a lot like two days ago i got like 11 hours and yesterday i got like 10 and I've been taking naps during the day. but I've constantly felt like I've had low blood sugar or that I've been dehydrated or something. i can't even make a fist and squeeze that hard.

its crazy because when i type anything about myself ever i just start tearing up for no reason...happy thoughts sad thoughts dark thoughts i could be writing about my microwave and be tearing up. and i do it a lot with emma or my best friends or my ex and ex best friends idk what anyone is to me anymore. been too focussed on trying to survive, which i feel is the correct selfish thing to do for once.

“don't give a fuck and they love you do give a fuck and they hate you - I'm always gone be there for you”

this man luke in onto something

its crazy that i will leave my phone in my room from 7:30 am to 7-8 at night and the only notification that ill get is “your phone hasn't been backed up in 57 weeks” or some shit like that. occasionally ill receive a random text from someone but its funny because sometimes on the inside ill be screaming like “PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME” and then it happens and its like nah.. i thought i sent out an amber alert but really I'm sending out a batman bat symbol. i thought i needed anyone to talk to, but in reality i just need one singular person to talk to. that was my mistake, will always be my mistake but at least i recognize it now...just a little late there big guy.

having so much time to myself probably too much time to myself is really interesting...if you've ever thought that you've done real reflection, submerge yourself in complete loneliness and isolation and try again because its so much deeper. you think about everything. every individual relationship, every right every wrong multiple perspectives. you think about all of your problems and the root to your problems. all of your mistakes why u caused these mistakes or what caused these mistakes. its actually really shitty because the bad will always stick out more than the good because the good is what is suppose to happen and the bad is the variable...variables get more attention than the constants i feel. deep down i don't think I'm a shitty human being.. even though i might think that a lot or hate myself...ik I'm only human and i can't be perfect and as much as id love for everyone to love me and me to not hurt anyone its more than likely unrealistic and it'll happen to me and already has happened to me and now i understand that and i will be more forgiving as i go on in life, the same forgiveness id want people to give me.

i use to think that everything had to work in reciprocality like for some reason i always thought everything should be equal all of the time..but i was extremely wrong, some people need more some people need less some people expect things and if they mean anything to you, the extra effort should hinder you or disrupt you...every human has a different way of looking at relationships and when those ways collide and don't add up it creates problem. I'm not saying people should give up in what they believe in but people should be less harsh about it... i know people who should be less harsh on me and i know people that i will be less harsh on and who i would be less harsh on if i could go back in time.

i tried to think about why I'm so afraid of butterflies and i can't really think of what happened along the way that got me here but i think the very root is the movie “butterfly effect” I'm also pretty sure they are remaking that movie into a 2018 version and ill probably go scare the fuck out of myself while seeing it.

my anxiety was gone until thinking about butterflies

i tried to explain a fear of butterflies to this kid named mike and i sounded like an absolute idiot and then his response was “does this scare you” and it was the close up of a butterfly from this spongebob episode and i can't get it out of my head.... i think the video is called “wormy close up”

fuck wormy

usually id think something so symmetrical was beautiful seeing has my old tendencies make me love symmetrically and i do things in that way like when i touch my feet to surfaces and shit bc i feel all neat and organized but i don't like that every butterfly ever is symmetrical as fuck...like show why what the hell. and i want to watch a video on it but i don't want to go into shock or some shit.

and they have wings that flap which is what i hate about bugs in general.

to be fair though i do like butterflies that have bright blue or white wings cus i use to see those a lot as a kid when my backyard was a golf course. but my vision of a butterfly with like brown wings and black borders gahhhh fuck that....id weather let a centipede crawl on me from head to toe than a butterfly land on me to put in in perspective.

idk man i think this post has done for me what i thought it would do what i intended it to do...i have to be up in like 3 and a half wish hours then run for an hour then ill take a solid nap for like 5 hours or just sleep pt.2 but i must be going... until next time or sunday.

i love you

fuck wormy

goodnight

#fuckwormy #waitttt

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sanfranciscoyoginigypsy · 7 years

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There’s really a lot to say

im a bit tired and drained right now to go into detail of my experience the past two days, but i’ll try to sum it all up accurately. so basically drank and smoked a lot with my time with elena and kevin, having the withdrawals of that, it was basically a night and day i did that with them. i’ve just been feeling a slight depression but it’s in my own head. at first i was not happy with being here, but now I'm a bit imbalanced about it, i leave in like a day and im feeling sad, i want to stay here longer. it’s in my gut. i want to be with my parents more, i fell like i didnt serve them as much as i’d like to, anytime not spent with them i look back and realized i somewhat failed. but here i go being harsh on them. it is all a lesson, and i realized i much rather be with my folks out of anyone. last night i was at book people in my head being extremely depressed and reaching to others for my own happiness, i realized it isn't the right thing to do, but i couldn't help it. being let down didnt help either, everyone had a valid excuse to not have time available to me, but i then created more pity for myself. until i reached my last resort, akash to basically walk around and hang with me downtown. it was amazing . i had so much fun. my ego was fulfilled bc i put make up that day and just felt too good looking to go home (seriously), so i showed off my body and materialistic self, my shell, bc we walked along 6th street , and i also fed my knowdlge, or should i say he did. we talked so much about guitars, or should i say he did. he taught me so so so so much . just like the last time we hung out. i misjudge him sometimes bc he usually talks a lot about himself and things i do not really care about, but recently i’ve been experiencing moments with him that I'm just being fed so much knwodlege. we talked about so much, he knows soooo much, especially about guitars. how they work, whats what, the history,,philosophy and anatomy and structure and brands. so amazing. made my night. i learned about hum bucker, one of the most fun things i learned. i love the science and structure and energy about it. we literally were outside a venue and saw a heavy psychedelic show through a small window, and he saw that it was a les paul with a hum bucker, and thats how the conversation started. so sick, cant wait to see him tomorrow. my interest for guitars grew. i tried to watch more and learn more and listen to hendrix more (of course) on the way home. now talk about today. went to work with mom today,, i was a bit imbalanced and dragged and feeling a bit depressed, i feel so bad, my energy was not on top of its game in the morning, but i respect and accept it bc i only had a few hours of sleep and i didnt do yofa or anything. my mom is so cute, we watched a few youtube videos of soul train and james brown and the jackson 5, it was so fun we laughed a lot. i was so inspired. and she put the jackson 5 movie for me while she worked. after a few hours i felt very unproductive which led to more stress and depression, and i was sassy and negative energy towards her and quiet. but i did yoga in a little room and put a negative blockage release music on youtube and did like 5-10 min yoga in there before beverly took us to lunch . i was a bit upset too bc last encounter i had with beverly was not so fun. i had the same experience of drunk and high withdrawals and was just so out of energy to maintain how much she talks about her self. but this time was so great, I'm so glad i did a small yoga sash, i was talkative and positive and inspired. i had a said with small pasta with mama. i was inspired and pictured myself living on a mountain in colorado in trailer with a goat . a fence and the goat next to my trailer (-: then we got back and she did work in the mail room while i played funky disco and danced in the room- it was so healthy and I'm glad i got my energy up and moving. rick james, bee gees, jackson five, earth wind and fire, i jammed to all of it. then we went to guitar center and saw elliot sean pamela spencer and rob. it was such a fucking crazy experience. rob basically offered a free lesson but i gave him a decision too late but it worked out bc amazing thomas gave me a free lesson during his break for one hour AND IT KICKED SO MUCH FUCKING ASS HES SO FUCKING COOL he literally taught me so much and i love how he talks about things and he's so kick ass he talked about scales and how they relate to golden ratio he asked what do i wanna learn and i was so eager and excited bc i literally am so interested in everything right now like i want to learn so much and i got this opportunity like the universe heard my callings it was so amazing i said i want to learn the anatomy and physics of a guitar and sounds of the piano and he was like ok si see you want to basically learn everything and then i said i wanted to learn fearless by pink floyd and he taught me the way carlo did with the fundamental first and showed me scales which by the way is an extremely dense and hard concept to explain to someone but i got it tonight and he just talked about so much and taught me so much and it was so fun we were laughing and it made my fuckign day it was sick and it was his break like he offered and get this tomorrow or aka today bc its 2 am i have a lesson at 3 pm with him again!!! i need to get this scale down so I'm prepared to learn the next step in learning fearless. such cool dude. I'm gonna invite him to my going away party on friday! so many opportunities everywhere and i love it! literally i love my life like evryewhre I'm at i get an amazing opportunity. then me and mom went to torchys and the drive we talked so much and at torchys we talked and laughed so much literally love her so much she is the love of my life and the light of my life i dont know what I'm going to do without her I'm so sad i miss her already she is my best friend I'm so myself with her and we laugh so much we cracked so many dumb jokes and at torchsy i was basicallyy yelling from laughter and she loves me so so much she was so happy for me when i got the lesson and she put soul train for me and jackson 5 while she worked fuck i got so lucky wit her and she supported and suggested i do yoga in this room bc i told her i need it but in a bitchy way god damn i love this woman. we went to half price then i went to kierstens bc brennon invited me but i was very awkward and shy, mainly bc sam was there. just unsure. of my relationship with everyone, i got there and brennon didnt even really talk to me but nonetheless grateful he invited me but everyone was out of the pool already and it was off and i literally shaved for it and cleaned my bathing and showed up in a big shirt and just ugh i was a bit annoyed and aggravated and uncmorftbale there was so many people and i was confused and just jealous that people had a lot of stories i was never invited to bc well i was friends with all these people (sam john keirsten and brennon) before they even hung out or knew each other and now they exclude me in things and the fact that sam was there made my energy confused but it was all good he said bye to me and put me in a chokehold and i told him 1/24th of my gutisr center experience but they were all smoking and i just got back from being with my mom and learning so much so it was just awkward plus i really wanted to swim but no one would go with me its all whatever I'm going to gc tomorrow and invited sam and then spending the evening with my father he deserves it honestly i spent 0 one on one time with him and I'm sure he has a lot of good to say but i came home and ignored my negative thoughts and feelings that had to do with my ego and not showing off my shaved body or not going swimming or my overthinking of my friends and just went straight to learning the G major scale and I FEEL SO FUCKING GOOD I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT I LOVE LEARNING I LOVE ALL THESE FUCKING EXPERIENCES AND LESSONS AND THINGS I AM GETTING IN MY LIFE IM FEELING ALREADY SAD ABOUT LEAVING IM GOING TO MISS MY ROOM I LOVE MY ROOM I LOVE MY PRIVACY I LOVE GUITAR CENTER I LOVE LEARNING HERE I LOVE MY MOM I LOVE THIS BEAUTIFUL HOUSE I LOVE MY BEUAITULL FAMILY THIS SUMMER KICKEDSO MUCH ASS SO MUCH GRATTIDUFE UGH I MISS EVERYONE ALREADY WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO WHEN I LEAVE ILLL BE OK SHIT I HAVE SUCHA GOOD LIFE HERE AND IN SF WHAT THE FUCK i need to work on my souls growth i need to do good no more imbalanced my brother is showing me the light i have the opportunity for growth and smoking isn't helping I'm doing so good

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