#i was listening to father by tfb in the car and there’s a line about something about falling asleep while you drive and I apparently sang iy

[milo-is-rambling]

Someone tell me how to make me not hate myself and make my family not think I’m a bitch and make me want to see my family or drive back down the coast or stay in strange places or do anything other than kill myself I mean whaaatttt haha what a weird thing to say *stares directly into the camera knowingly*

#and don’t say take your medication #fuck. my moms sitting here like I was under the impression you had this all figured out and I’m like well I was under the impression you #we’re going to fucking sit down with me and help me book a room for the last night of driving bc I can’t book and I have to find somewhere #between like three states that will let me check into a hotel room bc if I get somewhere and they don’t let me stay I’m fucked and have no #where to go or sleep bc I can’t sleep in the car on the way back bc my car is packed to the FUCKING top with my brothers shit fuck fuck fuck #fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #it’s just like being a kid I can hear my family making fun of me for my emotions in the next room over FUCK I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE T #THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS #I think I’m having caffeine nic and med withdrawals at the same time while pmsing #AND WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A PLAN FOR DRIVING BACK DOWN #I think I’m the biggest bitch on the planet rn #i was listening to father by tfb in the car and there’s a line about something about falling asleep while you drive and I apparently sang iy #with a lot of passion bc my brother said ‘please don’t’ and that was literally the first time anyone has called me on my recent musicchoices #but it really has all been like I need to go anywhere but where I am right now and I need to die far away and that’s it #no more starting over no more self hatred no more family shit I just need to stop #I want to hire someone to drive my brothers shit down to Florida and then I want to kill myself in New England #Anyways. I’m gonna go try to eat something and take my meds and then move stuff around in the car and also try to get a room somewhere by #the end of my trip and I don’t have much time at all and I need to kill everyone and then myself now now now now now now now now now now now #every time I move my body the entire world spins and idk if it’s anxiety or med withdrawals or being tired or what but I am losing it and I #feel like I don’t have it in me to drive any fucking more this trip and the way back is only just beginning #and in less than hour were supposed to check out of this hotel and go to my aunts for a big family celebration of my brothers graduation and #Mother’s Day and I’m going to see all my family who still has a fucking father and I want to be fucking dead I hate all of this I hate it #I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it