#i was gonna see a friend on Tuesday but I cancled

[microcosmiclymbic]

What do you do when you're too toxic for friends but you're supposed to heal in community?

#I think I need to stay isolated #i was gonna see a friend on Tuesday but I cancled #she's not even 21 and I'm now a full decade older #and I dunno I feel like the whole internet hates any sort of relationships with gaps #like I don't have any other intentions like romantic or otherwise #but that doesn't mean I know how to be in relationship in ant capacity in a healthy way #yet I feel like such a predetor regardless #like I should have never let her keep seeking me out for a friendship #i should have known better from the start that it's not safe for her to get close to me because I'm mentally ill #eventually I'll do something wrong and it'll involve power dynamics I wasn't aware of and much more harm than anyone deserved #and it'll be my fault for not knowing better #and I'll be even more shunned from humanity than I am now #just.....not worth it #I'll wait for a friend around my age #maybe someone with a pd too so at least they get it cause I dunno what's going on in my brain but I do know it's intense