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gxlden-angels · 1 year

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Shiny Happy People Thoughts: Episode 3

TW: The Duggars Family

- This one focuses more on the actual abuse and some of the victims that came forward to speak

- Part of it is about how the show allowed things to continue and was used as a source of control

- Part of it is about how Gothard and IBLP as a whole allowed for abuse to run rampant in these circles

- I'm so glad I didn't have to deal with courtships and arranged marriages. I was not very interested in dating through middle/high school, so most of my conversations surrounding relationships for me were hypotheticals and "Do you have a bf yet? A crush? A guy we can question and screen first?" and not "Do you want to be in a courtship with this other teen we selected then get married a year later?"

- I have family that still gets shit on for having kids out of wedlock or getting divorced

- I can't imagine having to deal with that *and* having it broadcasted on national TV for thousands to watch you awkwardly agree to get married

- Chaperones luckily also weren't a thing for my family after a certain age. You're assumed responsible for yourself and if you don't obey ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess you'll have to answer to god

- HOLY SHIT SHE HAD A BABY IN THE BATHROOM?

- This episode is called Under Authority

- My dad did expect me to be under his authority until I was 18. He did expect me to do what he said, but he was reasonable and honestly took feedback more than other adults in my family

- I did have uncles that insisted I was under my father, then husband's authority and I shouldn't have left my dad's house until I was married or living with other family that could watch me. One uncle even said SA victims are at fault for not being under their father's watch.

- I was never a part of IBLP or their groups. We had groups, trainings, VBS and ministries, but never anything as intense of these. I mostly remember the youth teacher who said if your parents threaten to beat the hell out of you that's a good thing because they're beating a demonic spirit out of you and the girls' group pastor who told us oral causes acne

- HOLY SHIT THE TAMPONS THING

- I didn't have the exact same experience but was told I couldn't even use the extra small teen tampons because I "wasn't ready yet" and I was too scared to ever try. It's wild how little things like that stay rooted in your brain

- "So they took my devil sticks"

- "Shame was a tool that really kept all of us in line"

- The IBLP training centers remind me a lot of the stories from troubled youth camps. Abused children often lash out. They can feel that this stuff is wrong, but they get punished for reacting and that's how all of this stuff functions. It's all "breaking their will"

- You do a bad thing so you get spanked and you cry or try to defend yourself and that just leads to more spankings or worse

- David Fucking Green. I should've known he was connected to them.

- I knew a lot of cops grew up with these ideas, but didn't realize they literally went to police academies and prisons and places like that. They insist that the voice of authority itself should lead to compliance when that's not how things work.

- A kid will cry when spanked. They are afraid. A person will struggle if you hold them down. They are afraid. A person will panic when threatened with violence. They are afraid

- It's essentially training a person to be in a constant state of freeze or fawn. I used to stay in a constant state of flight or fawn. I either hid or fawned to authority

- I understand that appealing to their rigid authority means the show can keep going and TLC keeps making money, but holy shit did TLC enable serious financial abuse

- I know this isn't the first time, but I didn't realize Jill never saw a cent. I assumed they were given a small allowance or just enough money for what they needed like children

- This episode explains Gothard and his brother's widespread and rampant sexual abuse. If you do watch the series, this section is terrible to sit through

- I talked before about keeping drama in the family, but this episode really goes into it and how both IBLP and TLC did that.

- The victims got to speak about it and the line of thinking that lead to this. It's a cult. It's all brainwashing and these parents are convinced it's the easiest way to keep their kids safe. They're convinced the world is after them as christians and they will be killed for it if you don't raise them this way

- "Blonde girls get picked" reminded me of just how little autonomy I and a lot of these girls had even over our hair. When I got my first haircut, it was by a lady who went to our church and she called my dad to make sure he approved before she'd touch my hair because she didn't believe me when I said he said I was old enough to be in charge of my own hair now

- The women were not allowed to speak out and even if they did, they had no words to do it. You don't have autonomy, you're an extension of your father. I've heard horror stories of my aunts and great aunts thinking hold hands would get you pregnant or that they were dying when they had their period

- I fortunately never experienced any overt sexual abuse like in this documentary

- I'd also seen the law of crying out mentioned by others, but never explicitly heard/saw it myself. It was implied by the idea that you're under your father's authority and watch so if you're where you're supposed to be, you'd cry out and he'd rescue you, but never said explicitly

- The entire section about Recovering Grace is hard to say anything about. It also talks about the parallel between Bil Gothard and Josh Duggar as a large and small scale version of each other. It is why there is a trigger warning

- "It's been shined up and put on TLC"

- Families like the Duggars are everywhere in the US, they just aren't on TV

- This episode introduces Josh's more recent crimes and more current fundamentalist influencers like Paul and Morgan

- The next episode is apparently behind a paywall >:( what da fuck

#SHP Thoughts #I don't think there's much to say about this episode that I haven't said #well there's a lot to say but it's #A Lot #Too Much in fact #ex christian #religious trauma #child abuse tw

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ochaka-archive · 4 years

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this will be long, sorry

I gotta address this in case my mutuals or followers see the "callout" against me, which was literally just a rant saying how "we hate u omg ur so stupid and poopy >:c" made public for some reason? it was personal drama and if they didn't @ me I would have never even seen it. I won't be naming anybody cuz I don't care about them, I just want my mutuals to know what this is about.

1. quick background

this is regarding my ex friends. I had a conversation with one of them about a month ago that escalated into us ending our friendship. it would appear that they have been struggling to get rid of me for months now because they thought I was annoying and obsessive. If you know me, you know I have adhd and other issues. I'm paranoid and very insecure abt things. this is all true and I am fully aware that I had moments where I was either weird or maybe too obsessed with something, but that's rlly just something I can't help. I get fixated on things. If they told me that certain things I said or did were really upsetting I would have done my best to stop talking about it, because I cared about these people a lot. Everything they had issue with could have been resolved if they just told me outright what was bothering them. We could have dealt with this months ago.

I repeat. I am fully aware that I made mistakes. However, I couldn't have done anything about them because I wasn't told outright that I was upsetting anyone for a long time.

2. Response to the "callout"

Why make such a personal issue public. What good did you get from making a post abt me that literally had no reason being public for random people to see that don't get half of the story, and put reasons that were just insults, insults that completely disregard the fact I'm paranoid and have severe RSD. literally why did u do that? Saying you hated me since April is honestly so gross because I knew something was wrong but when I would ask about I'd get responses like "oh it's fine!". I was lied to for months.

3. clearing up some accusations

I didn't send any asks to any of these people since I blocked them a month ago. I haven't looked at any of their blogs since I blocked them a month ago. I literally didn't do anything to them for a month. all I did was make 1 vague post and my friend said "ugh I hope he dies". How did they see this vague post if they weren't stalking my blog. And I honestly don't care what my friend said cuz what u guys r doing is way worse lol.

also I've been accused of being fatphobic by someone for saying their bf can get better taste. I said that cuz they joke kin gerard way who has a puke fetish oh my god. also this was said in private dms that were leaked in the server AFTER I had blocked all of them. if they're allowed to make a "callout", I can vague and talk abt this in dms.

4. wtf is wrong with you ppl

I received this ask about two days after the conversation with my ex friend

I don't know who sent it. it might not be them but if they're going to accuse me of sending asks I'll do the same. The wording is funny cuz the "no one cares about you at all" is very fitting seeing as they turned a lot of my friends against me lol

about a week ago I received this ask

again, idk if they sent it or not, but I really don't know who the "them" could be other than these people. It was sent the same day I got banned from the server we were all in (I didn't talk in it for a month)

(the date isn't accurate cuz it was sent a week ago and the person is hidden) which further proves that the ask and these people are connected.

if I'm so obsessive WHY are you stalking my blog and harassing me.

5. stop harassing my friends and myself

stop @ing me begging me to block you, stop spamming my friends asks when they had nothing to do with this. stop making weird sideblogs and following my friends. stop accusing them of shit they didn't do.

images of two asks my friend got for no reason, because they assumed they showed me their conversations in the server I mentioned earlier. they didn't. they were just in the server and they never talked.

I did receive screenshots of these conversations by another friend, and it's literally just shit blown out of proportion, calling me names and shittalking. that's it. I don't care if they're doing that, they can say whatever they want in private. but to make a PUBLIC post calling me obsessive is SO IRONIC. WHY are you stalking my blog if I'm so obsessive??

if you need any further clarification you can DM me! School is starting for me so please understand if I take time to respond

#matte🗯️

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sometimesrosy · 5 years

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Hi I'm an endgame believer in bellarke but I was curious about something. Why is it that Clarke said she loved l/xa but when Bellamy was going to say he loves echo that it was cut out? Like they're both not the healthiest of relationships but it's pretty obvious that they cared in both relationships. Or is it just because it should be obvious and with bellarke being endgame they didn't want bellamy to say it 2 seasons before bellarke becomes an official couple bf/gf?

Well, it’s not required that love be healthy. There are lots of love relationships that are not healthy. Or that could be healthier. Love is not the answer. Love does not fix all the problems. If a person is messed up and they fall in love, the love doesn’t fix them, they’re just a messed up person in love.

Maybe two messed up people in love. Sometimes one person’s mess will make the other person’s mess worse. Or they’ll make each other’s messes worse. I think those are the kind of relationships we tend to call “toxic.” I think people often got mad at me for saying CL was abusive because in their understanding of love, which could ONLY be good, love can’t be toxic. I was in a toxic relationship for 10 years and I can assure you, there was still love. It just didn’t make either of our messes better.

Sometimes both people’s messes fit each other and they kind of fill in the holes or give the other person the right perspective or sounding board and they make each person BETTER. Sometimes love supports the lovers and allows them to be better than they are. Allows them to succeed. Doesn’t swallow up one lover. Creates something that is bigger than the parts.

I do think that’s one of the misunderstandings that shippers have. They think that if there is LOVE then that means a relationship is perfect and ideal and forever and good for everyone. And while that might be true in SOME stories (the whole disney ideal of love is one of the schools of fiction where it is) it’s not true in life and it’s generally not true in the more realistic or psychologically realistic stories.

So you have to figure out what kind of story is being told before you can understand what is going on with the love story/stories being told.

This story *is* absolutely telling us something about love. It just may not be what we think it’s saying, as shippers. Because it’s not written from a shippers, or romance genre, perspective... even though there are some genuinely romantic stories in it.

There is no intention to make Bellarke obvious as endgame or B/E obvious as not endgame. That’s not the point. That is a perspective of shipwars, where one ship can win and one can lose. THIS IS NOT HOW YOU TELL A STORY. It’s how you play a football game. Shipping is a football game where endgame is the ball. That’s not a story, it’s a battle.

A story is about CHANGE, about a character starting out one way and changing due to the obstacles in the story and the choices they make.

If that’s the case, then what we’re looking at is the changes in the characters, in regards to love. And with Clarke and Bellamy, we have some major changes.

Clarke actually started out very loving, loving everyone, embracing everyone, even her enemies (bellamy and lxa most notably) and this allowed her to be able to understand them and bring them to her side. But the toxic message of love as a weakness absolutely destroyed Clarke. She spent 2199 alone, letting her love for Bellamy keep her alive and sane, and he returned and broke her heart by betraying her. So. Like. The lowest she ever got was when her anchor, her soulmate, her true love, turned out to be not only a weakness, but a mirage... or so she thought. She realized that was not the case and came back to herself and committed to being the good guy (her original vision of hope and humanity) and committed also to being Bellamy’s friend, because she believes that was all she could have. And then she gets bodysnatched and spends time in her mindspace where she learns to value herself and that she DOESN’T want to give up or sacrifice herself and she wants to fight and she reaches out and finds... Bellamy. And then Bellamy brings her back with the power of his love for her, and she learns how love is VERY MUCH NOT A WEAKNESS, then taking that lesson and bringing it back and using it to save her daughter and the rest of them and humanity in exactly the same way. She’s returned from the darkness to use her lessons and new powers to save her world (this is the hero’s journey, yo, finally. she’s back from the wilderness.)

And what is the power?

Love. It is LOVE, nonny.

In specific, Bellamy’s love for Clarke. Bellarke.

But lest you think this is all one sided, let’s look at Bellamy’s journey with love.

Well, I mean, he’s “the heart,” right? So that should be important to him, right? Even though, according to the “canon” interpretation of shipping, he’s never had a real love story, either it was sex without love or relationship with out story. Fandom claims that his love stories have been minimized, and he has been neglected by the writers, as the hero, from getting his own love story.

UNLESS you realize that the entire 7 seasons is Bellamy’s love story. He meets Clarke griffin in 1.01. He falls in love with her as the seasons go on, she becomes his soulmate, always separated from him by other love stories, politics, time, space and death itself, right?

Bellamy has ALWAYS been about love, but in the beginning it was a very self abnegating kind of love. He was erased in his love. It was always for other people. HIs story with Octavia is really partly him learning how to claim worth for himself, find boundaries, say no. Season 4 was explicitly about Bellamy learning that he couldn’t save all the people he loved. That it was not his responsibility to take care of everyone. Season 5 had Bellamy living his life, keeping Clarke inside of him by living as she would want him to, internalizing her lessons. He kept her heart within his heart. He became the hero she believed he could be. He became the hero she wanted to be. He reached the end of his hero’s journey, and yet, his story wasn’t over.

The thing is, Bellamy in season 6? Bellamy wasn’t trying to “be the good guy.” Bellamy was trying to live a good life, like Monty and Harper, in love. Bellamy wasn’t looking for philosophy or even really saving his people. He was looking for ONE thing. Love. And he realized the CLARKE was that love. IN season 6. He was not looking to save his people, he was looking to save his Clarke, and he brought her back withe power of his love, alone. Once they were together, then he could go and save is people. They could be the heroes again. But now, his story is a love story.

He is the heart, teaching them all to live in love. And she is the head, teaching them all to live in goodness. And they can both do this because their journeys have BEEN such a struggle and they have been DENIED their goal the whole time.

To be honest. This is my interpretation of the love story of Bellamy and Clarke up to this point and I can’t actually say that it’s done or complete or even that I’m 100 percent sure. Because the story is not over yet and no interpretation can be made, truly, without seeing the WHOLE story. However, I have enough evidence that I am speculating that this is the trajectory of the story.

JR said that there is a complete story and there was a purpose to the whole thing, it wasn’t random and he did mean it.

I’m telling you, he means Bellarke, not just as two hot people with chemistry let’s get them together, but as the backbone of the story about unity, coming together, yin yang, soulmates, redemption and forgiveness and the rebirth of humanity.

#the 100 #bellarke #soulmates #endgame #romantic development #epic love story #it's about love

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