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a-lonely-tatertot · 3 years

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Finding Home

First / Wattpad / Ao3

A/N: EYOO BOIS! told ya id post it today once again betaed by the amazing incredible @bookwyrminspiration!

words: 4860

trigger warnings: none please tell me if you find any!

Chapter 8: Kindling

Sophie stood still as stone. She knew she was staring, how could she not stare? Her girlfriend’s twin was standing in the doorway of her once home. His hair longer than she remembered, the top gathered in a messy bun, strands framing his face. Then Sophie realized it wasn’t just his hair that was different, he was wearing glasses.

Rounded bottoms, flat tops, glass that flared in the setting sun. Tam with glasses was not something Sophie was prepared for and she only managed to gap. They were silver-framed, and sat at home perched on his nose; it made him look older, and Sophie didn't know if it was good or bad.

"What's takin' so long Tam?" Mari called out from inside the house. A second later she appeared in the doorway, a cheery smile on her face that Amelia knew would be gone the moment Mari saw her. Obviously, she was right. Mari's eyes landed on the girl in front of her and her entire body went rigid, her face going through a hundred different emotions in an instant before stopping abruptly on blank confusion.

Oh. Mari was standing right in front of her, close enough to touch. Close enough that she could smell the chocolate and the familiar scent of cinnamon and apples and freshly baked bread and cookies that would melt in your mouth. Oh, how Amilia just wanted to run into her arms and cry and apologize and beg for forgiveness until her voice was hoarse. But all she could do was stand, and stare, without the courage to even think of saying something.

None of the group had heard the footsteps approach, or the small gasp, too entrapped by their own hurricanes of emotion.

"Sophie?" a timid voice asked followed by a smaller, "Linh?"

Both girls’ heads snapped up to look at who’d broken the unforgiving silence; Sophie's eyes found Fitz's and both of their faces split into comical grins. Fitz pushed past Mari, hurried and uncoordinated, stumbling his way into Sophie's arms. A startled laugh escaped her lips as Fitz wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her into the air like she was light as a feather. Oh, how she had missed her Fitz.

Eventually, he set her down and ruffled her hair with a grin before glancing back to the group still standing in the doorway. His eyes landed on Linh who raised her hands up in surrender immediately. "Nuh-uh, nope, don't you dare try to hug me," Linh said, her tone playfully serious.

Tam and Sophie finally locked eyes and he gave her a look that clearly said, this is what I have to deal with all the time; pity me.

Sophie didn’t.

Fitz let out a laugh before grabbing Sophie's arm and practically dragging her inside. "Come on! We've got so much to talk about!"

Giving him a weak smile, Sophie glanced back at Mari. The woman's eyes narrowed, "Yes, we really do."

Sophie prayed silently to whoever was listening that she wouldn't be dead in a ditch by the end of the day.

Fitz had pushed his way through the doorway with Sophie in tow, the rest following slowly, not quite sure what to do.

It felt weird, seeing Fitz so at home in a place the exact opposite of where he grew up. But the way he smiled easily, told everyone to take a seat, talked with Linh—if Sophie didn't know any better she'd say he’d lived here his entire life.

"So," Sophie started. The living room was crammed, not meant for the five people and all of the tension. "Can we talk?" She directed the question at Fitz (and tried to ignore the flash of emotion on Mari's face).

Fitz luckily got the hint and nodded, motioning for her to follow him into the kitchen. Oh, the kitchen. She remembered the time that Mari tried to let her make pancakes on her own, which ended with her almost burning down the house. Or the time that she and Tommy got in a food fight while Mari and Angie desperately tried to salvage dinner—until Angie got a face full of mashed potato and it became a full-out war. She missed those days. Everything was so much easier. But then she had to go and mess it all up.

"Hey? You still there?" Fitz asked, yanking her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," she said hurriedly. "So how'd you end up here?" She already knew part of the story, that Fitz left and Tam tagged along.

"Mostly impulse decision. Decided I wanted to be more than 'The Next Vacker' or whatever the hell I was supposed to be. So I ended up leaving; Tam caught me at the last second and came along. We ended up in Europe, and—-after a few failed attempts—learned how to drive and made our way through the place living in this weird RV that always smelled like cheese for some reason. And then somehow we ended up on a plane here, decided more road-tripping was needed. But the car broke down and Mari ended up helping us and let us stay a couple of nights."

Sophie laughed, "Yeah, that sounds like Mari."

"Wait, so how do you know her?"

"Uh. Well, you see, I kinda lived here for a year after showing up at her diner and her taking me in," Sophie said, her hands moving as if she was trying to grasp the explanation out of the air.

"YOU'RE AMELIA?" Fitz yelled, making Sophie almost squeak. "I totally thought that she was Mari's daughter."

She paused at the words. Mari talked about her like she was her daughter? Oh. Sophie felt like she could cry. From happiness or guilt; the jury was still out.

"Well, I kinda ran away? In the middle of the night without telling her? But she caught me and we fought and haven't seen each other since," Sophie mumbled.

"You and your attachment problems."

Sophie gaped at him, "OH! I'm sorry that I got pulled into a random world at 12 and then got betrayed, hurt emotionally and physically, and had the people I cared about die!"

"Yes, but you've got to let someone closer than an arms distance away sometimes," he said with a sigh.

"I have a girlfriend; she's closer than an arms distance!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah I noticed that, but be honest with yourself, she’s not."

Sophie only glared at him.

"Look. You've got issues to figure out with Linh and Mari but I'm not gonna make you fix 'em," Fitz said after a beat. "But Linh and Tam definitely have issues that need to be talked about or this house is going to catch on fire-"

Sophie chuckled. Ignoring her own problems to fix someone else's. She could do that.

The tension in the room couldn't get any worse. Actually, it could, but if it did the house might've blown up. Fitz, bless his soul, seemed oblivious to everything. Asking question after question, talking to Linh, asking what Sophie was studying, and so on and so on until it got frankly exhausting to answer.

The Plan—she said plan, but it was more of a vague idea and a poorly put together execution— was to get the twins to talk and be together so that at least half of the tension would go away. But no, Fitz just had to keep fucking talking. Finally, Sophie had enough. "Suggest dinner dumbass," she eloquently texted Fitz.

When his phone went off he only rolled his eyes in her general direction.

"Why don't I make some dinner?" Fitz asked, getting murmurs of agreement that sounded like music to Sophie's ears.

"I'll help!" Sophie suggested, and Mari's face twisted into poorly concealed horror as she definitely remembered how it went the last time Sophie was in the kitchen unsupervised.

"Nuh-uh," Mari shook her head. "I'm going with; I do not trust you in there." Sophie only smiled innocently; it was all going according to plan. The twins, in almost unison, glanced at each other and back at the three, trying to find a way out. Sophie went over and kissed Linh on the cheek, squeezing her shoulder.

"Don't worry, it won’t be long and I'll come back if you need me," she whispered, trying to ignore the confused looks Tam was giving her.

"You better," Linh muttered back. Sophie gave her a reassuring smile before heading into the kitchen where Mari and Fitz were discussing what to make.

"We are not having breakfast for dinner just because it’s the only thing you know how to make!" Fitz argued playfully.

"It is not the only thing I know how to make; it’s just easy!" Mari retorted. Sophie watched the exchange as they went back and forth, finally deciding on chicken and waffles ‘cause it was sort of both; though, Sophie knew that Mari had really won the argument.

When both Mari and Fitz were distracted getting things out of pantries and cupboards, Sophie secretly reached out to Linh's familiar mind.

Yes, it was wrong; Sophie knew this, but she needed to make sure that Linh was going to be okay. Sophie needed to make sure she was going to be okay. What would happen if something happened and Sophie didn't react fast enough? What if Linh needed her and she didn't know? She said she would be there if she needed her and this was her way of being there for her.

Sophie distractedly did as she was instructed, doing the small tasks like cracking eggs and grabbing ingredients. She was not permitted, unless the world was ending, to touch the stove. Sophie only laughed, knowing that Mari was being paranoid, but it was something she had learned Mari was good at. Being paranoid gave her control, gave her all the angles, even if one of them was outrageous. Sophie tried not to think about the fact that she may have added to her paranoia with her run-away-in-the-middle-of-the-night stunt.

Quickly banishing the thought from her mind she focused on Linh's thoughts. Nothing had happened, there was a tension to Linh, a million thoughts a mile an hour running through her mind, what if after what if and quite a few cuss words.

"Soo..." Tam said.

"So," Linh responded, her tone flat, clearly guarded, but her mind was whirling like a tornado.

"We should talk." Linh internally scoffed at that.

"What's there to talk about?" Tam gave her a look of disbelief.

"There's everything to talk about!"

"You left."

Tam huffed, "You told me to!" Linh stayed quiet, and Tam stared at his hands. "You made it clear as day you didn't want me there; you still don’t want me. What the hell did I do wrong, Bubbles?"

Linh let out a heavy sigh. "That’s the problem," she whispered. "You didn't do anything. You were perfectly fine. You were fine doing the same thing for eternity. You were happy. And I went and fucked it up just because I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand being there, being so lonely-"

What are you doing, Fitz's voice rang in her head and she stumbled out of Linh's mind.

Sophie's face steeled. None of your business.

Fitz let out a huff of annoyance, similar to Tam's (she wondered if they were rubbing off on each other), but ultimately went back to work. Mari didn't question the weird interaction, but Sophie got the feeling she would be interrogated later by them separately. God, she did not need an adult, a sister, and a Fitz on her back. Couldn't she just make bad decisions in peace?

Sophie was grateful for them though. The pestering of Amy keeping her in check, in the right mind, the hugs from Fitz that seemed to never stop, and the way that Mari looked at her now, conflicted between holding her and never letting go and opening the gates that kept her anger behind bars. Sophie didn't know what she did to deserve them, especially after she fucked up time and time again, but she was grateful nonetheless.

They finished dinner in silence, except for the occasional "Can you pass me that?" or "Here let me show you how to do it." It was eerily domestic and made Sophie's heart clench, even making her forget about the tense conversation happening a wall over. But she didn't dare listen in again with Fitz watching her like a hawk, annoying in his way of knowing exactly what she was thinking and doing.

Eventually, the food was placed on platters, and Sophie used her waitress skills from many long days wasting away carrying plates and large orders to customers and brought all of the food out to the dining room.

Tam and Linh had kept their distance, the tension only a little bit more breathable. At least they weren't glaring daggers, now they were just ignoring the others’ existence. Baby steps. Fitz tailed behind her, setting the table as she carefully placed the food.

They soon all sat at the table, quietly serving themselves, not quite sure what to do with everyone else. Fitz and Tam kept on sharing glances, seeming to have a silent conversation that really got on Sophie's nerves. Sophie sat on the opposite end of the table from Mari, ignoring her prodding stares. "So," Linh cleared her throat, "what have you guys been doing since you got here?"

"Oh, nothing much," Tam responded, a harsh edge to his words.

Linh leaned forward and narrowed her eyes. "Oh come on. It’s been forever since I saw you last; you had to do something."

Sophie, for one, was not liking where this was going. The annoyed tone, the poking, the insistence, it was suffocating. She could tell, glancing at Fitz and Mari, that she wasn't the only one.

Tam gave a curt laugh. "Well, we did do a lot, I just didn't know if you would want to hear about how much, mmh what’s the word, better it was without you."

That hit a nerve.

Sophie watched in horror as Linh's face hardened and the water in her glass started to shake. Desperately, Sophie reached for her girlfriend's hand, only for it to be pushed away as Linh stood, startling the rest of the table—except for Tam? who looked like he was getting exactly what he wanted.

"You liar," Linh spat.

Tam stood up to meet her, a glint in his eyes as the setting sun's light hit his glasses, "How would you know I'm a liar, Linh? You told me you wanted to go, so I went. You disappeared at night, and you came back looking like shit. But you told me not to ask, and you said you didn't need me. And guess what? I fucking listened, cause that's what good siblings do: they listen. So when you told me to leave, I left and caught a ride with Fitz. And he did a better job at being a brother than you ever did as my sister!"

Fitz looked like he wanted to melt into a puddle. "Guys-" he tried, but when both Linh and Tam sent him a withering look he stopped. Sophie didn't know what to do; she didn't know who to help or even if she could. It was all too much.

"Fitz isn't your goddamn brother, he didn't go through the shit we did," Linh snapped.

Tam huffed, "Linh, when is it going to get through your thick skull? I'm not replacing you, I couldn't do that even if I tried. I'm waiting, I'm waiting for you to realize you're not okay, and I'm waiting for you to ask for help instead of waiting for it to fall apart in front of you." The looking on Tam's face and the way Linh's posture sagged made Sophie feel horribly out of place. That the moment was too intimate for her to see. Granted, that hadn't stopped her before, but that wasn’t the point. The point was Linh's face going through a hundred different emotions before she walked out the door without another word.

Sophie went to stand up, to go after her, to make sure she was okay—until she felt Tam's hand on her shoulder. He shook his head and smiled softly. "Let me talk to her," he said, and suddenly he looked too old to be the person she once knew. But she stayed where she was and let Tam go out the still-open door without an argument.

"What the hell was that?" Mari asked as soon as Tam left.

"They're twins," Fitz supplied.

"With emotional trauma and attachment issues," Sophie added. Mari only nodded and left it at that. The three finished up dinner without another word.

Light buzzes against Sophie's hand woke her up. She groaned in annoyance as the bright screen displayed Amy's name, knowing this was a call she shouldn't ignore. Slowly she found her way out of bed and Linh's arms, fumbling to answer the phone, anything to keep it from waking Linh up. She tiptoed down the hall, subconsciously taking the familiar path. Putting the phone to her ear, Amy's voice shrieked through the phone.

"HIII!" Amy screamed.

"You are way too awake at one in the morning," Sophie grumbled.

"I had a coffee around twelve in the morning, another an hour ago, and just chugged a Redbull," Amy explained as if nothing about this extreme amount of caffeine was concerning.

"And why, pray tell, did you do this?"

"Midterms." That explained everything perfectly. Amy was silent for a moment and Sophie spun around the room, eyes raking over the familiar scene she found herself in. A nightstand cluttered with chargers and books and random trinkets, a dresser void of any clothes, and a desk with the all too familiar pens she had collected and doodles she had etched into the smooth frame. On the bed, she found a familiar book that made her breath hitch and everything in her freeze. Against her will she was drawn towards it, opening the frayed frame displayed the first page of the scrapbook, a picture of Angie, Mari, Tommy, and Amilia outside of the diner.

Angie had given her the book the first and only Hanukkah she was there. It was during the middle of dinner, Amilia had her face stuffed with sufganiyot, and Tommy had come over. It was really a present to the both of them, knowing that neither would be getting anything from their respective families and a reminder that they would always have the home they had built. It was that night Amilia realized she had built herself a family, she had gained a brother and mothers. Her own makeshift family. But that had scared her to her core, being a part of something again. So she started to plan, and she gave into that horrible urge to run.

"Soph? Sophie are you okay?" Amy's voice tore through her thoughts like a light in the darkness.

"What if I fuck it all up again?" Sophie asks, her words shake, and she realizes her cheeks are wet from tears that had spilled over without her permission.

"You won’t."

"How do you know? What do I do when Linh finds out I've seen things I shouldn't have? That I've been keeping it from her? What do I do when Mari asks about who I was? What-"

"Stop." She stopped. "I need you to breathe," Amy spoke softly like Sophie was some wild animal. Over the next minute Amy counted while Sophie breathed, it was a routine at this point. Too many times had Amy walked in on Sophie barely holding herself. Eventually, Sophie's breathing calmed and so did the horrible buzzing of adrenaline in her system.

"I know that you're scared and that you have every right to be," Amy said finally into the empty silence. "But no matter what I will always be here with you okay? As you do everything I'm going to be here for you. No matter how much of a dumbass you are sometimes."

Sophie laughed dryly, "Thank you." She ignored how much it mirrored Linh's words on the bus.

They talked for a long time after, about anything and everything. About their friends at university to what Sophie's going to do about the boys. "It's weird, isn't it?" Sophie asked, watching the moon rise from the window from above her old bed.

"What's weird?"

"That we found each other so quickly that we all just seemed to be in the right place at the right time."

Amy was quiet for a minute, nothing but the sound of papers rustling to remind Sophie that she was still there. "Yeah, I guess it could be seen as weird. Maybe the universe was tired of seeing you guys dance around each other."

Sophie chuckled lightly and they left it at that as they jumped onto the next train of thought.

Sophie stepped out into the cold. Amy had hung up thirty minutes prior, leaving her in the dark next to Linh feeling ever so alone. She hadn't told her sister about the eavesdropping; she already knew what Amy would say. Sophie didn't need another lecture; it was too damn late for that. She ignored the guilt that had evidently arisen with the thoughts and had quietly snuck out of the living room, through the kitchen, and out the door. Eerily similar to the way she had the night she left, her brain unhelpfully reminded her. She winced at the steel in Mari’s voice, as she had told her not to be a coward stabbed deep in her heart.

She sat on the swinging bench outside, gently rocking herself back and forth on it. Her mind wandered, from how Mari did after she left, if she tried to go after her, she thought of Tommy and how he reacted, if he expected her to leave like the mystery boy he had fallen for. She sat and marveled at the stars and how clear they were. She thought of how the night, no matter how dark, never seemed to swallow her up, just sat like an old friend waiting.

Her thoughts surrounded her, infusing her so deeply she didn't hear the door creak open as Mari stepped through and cleared her throat, “Is this spot taken?”

Startled, Sophie shook her head, and her eyes found the plate that she was holding. It held her favorite dessert that Mari would make: a mini upside-down pineapple chocolate cake that never failed to make Sophie feel better.

They sat in heavy silence, staring off, avoiding looking at each other, instead of staring off into the trees, eating their respective mini cakes. Sophie didn't know how long it had been when Mari finally cleared her throat.

"I kept the stuff you left," she whispered.

"I- thank you," Sophie said even though she already knew because nothing else seemed to fit. A beat passed where Sophie grasped for something, anything to say to the woman next to her. Instead, she tore out an eyelash, reveling in the stab of pain she had become numb to.

"I thought you were done with that habit," Mari stated. So did Sophie. Until Linh showed up until the world decided to hate her once more.

"Old habits die hard," she shrugged.

Mari nodded, clearly having more important questions on her mind, "So...they call you Sophie, huh?"

Sophie's breath hitched. "Um yea," she stumbled. "It's a long story."

"We've got all night." And at that Sophie knew what the rest of the night was going to be, her spilling her guts about every fucked up thing that happened when she was a kid. She didn't even know how many laws she would break telling Mari everything but fuck it. Mari deserved to know.

"When I was five, I started to read minds," Sophie started softly. Mari didn't react, staying quiet for her to continue. So she did, and she told her everything. From before Fitz found her to when she left.

Mari was quiet the entire time Sophie talked, her face set in a mask, betraying none of her emotions, which made Sophie's entire stomach twist. By the time Sophie finished, fireflies had risen around the trees and grass around them. Their flickering lights were majestic, and Sophie wondered what it would be like to be a firefly. How simple it would be to be just one light in a million. She mulled over their similarities to stars, yet she remembered learning once how very far away each star was from another, what a lonely existence it must be.

They sat, Sophie still as a statue, Mari probably deciding that this random girl and her group of people were very very crazy. Finally, Mari cleared her throat, "You know I won't believe you without proof."

Sophie let out a harsh laugh, "If you did I would honestly be concerned about your sanity." Mari smiled small. Sophie cleared her throat, "So, uh what do you wanna see first?"

"Telepathy?" Mari asked, her face falling back into that mask counseling her. Sophie took a breath and closed her eyes.

She opened her mind to the world and reached forward for Mari. "Hello," Sophie transmitted and opened her eyes. Mari's eyes were blown wide and her mouth hung open slightly, her mask nowhere to be found. Sophie pulled out of her mind, closing her walls against the bombarding thoughts, and the world was quiet again.

"What the fuck," Mari breathed.

Sophie laughed, giggled more like. Maybe she was tired, maybe it was Mari's face, maybe she had hit her limit. She giggled till she was breathlessly holding her stomach. Mari only stared at her silently trying to gauge who the hell this kid was sitting next to her.

Arms were around Sophie before she knew what was happening, holding her, encasing her, like they were trying to protect her from the rest of the world. "What is this for?" Sophie whispered. It wasn't like she didn't appreciate it, honestly, she loved it, she missed motherly hugs and the way that Edaline would hold her at night when she couldn't sleep. Burying her head into Mari's shoulder, breathing in the smell of pineapple and chocolate and a home she missed so much.

"I am so sorry," Mari said. "For what they did to you, Soybean."

Sophie's eyes teared up at the name. She remembered when Mari told her about the nickname, they were in the diner closing up when Angie brought up the topic . For the next half an hour she’d smothered Mari in random nicknames, each one getting worse as the time went by. They were walking back when Mari asked her, and she said she was once called Soybean when the world was much easier.

They stayed there for who knows how long, in the cold, a thousand fireflies shining, and the warmth of a home Sophie always wanted around her.

"Sophie," a sing-song voice forced its way through her dreams, earning a grumble in return.

"She is impossible to wake up in the morning," another voice said.

"Hey, at least she sleeps," voice number three said.

"Sophiieeee, if you don’t wake up I am going to be forced to give you affection," the first voice spoke again; it was Linh, the more awake part of her brain supplied. Sophie only grumbled again, trying to bury herself under the covers once more. But in a blink of an eye the blanket was gone and she was curling around nothing, as hands were placed on her sides and kisses attacked her face. The fingers on her sides started to move and suddenly a bubble in her stomach popped and she was rolling with laughter trying to escape her girlfriend's tickles and kisses.

"I'm- I'm awake!" Sophie breathed between giggles.

Dimly, she registered who she thought was Amy say, "I think I'm going to barf," and Fitz agreeing with her while Mari ushered them out of the room with a fond look on her face.

Eventually, the torture stopped and both girls were breathless, but in the best way possible. "It's too early for this," Sophie said, flopping back down onto the bed. Linh giggled and the sound did something to Sophie's insides. Maybe it was love, she thought as she fought the shame that came from the secrets she kept (it’s not and she knows this, but maybe if she pretends it is, then it will be, then she'll be enough).

"Come on, love," Linh whispered, something in her eyes shining that Sophie didn't want to know. It would hurt too much to know.

Breakfast was a small affair; the tension had lessened. Much less like a nuke about to go off and more like a small bomb that would blow with the slightest move. Sophie and Mari's talk helped, and so did Amy's presence distracting the twins from each other.

It was nice, sitting, talking, fighting with no malice in their words. For once, Sophie felt like she was home. Sure it still needed healing, and work, and help, but it was still her home.

#weeeeee #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #sophie foster #amy foster #linh song #tam song #fitz vacker #kotlc fic #fanfic #tater writes #finding home

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