#i rlly do need to finish everything else tho i have piling up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

drawlfoy · 2 years

Text

4/1

alternate title: the 4 times i wanted to break up with draco malfoy. and the one time i did

masterlist request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: yes...almost a year late tho this has literally been sitting in my drafts since june

summary: draco malfoy is your boyfriend, but he has a funny way of showing it. the end is very “good for her” vibes.

WARNINGS: themes of gaslighting, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, implied sexual content, explicit language. my loves, this is my take on draco as a little bitch of a controlling and toxic bf. so plz keep this in mind whilst reading

a/n: so i’ve sat on this request for a hot min. idk why i stopped writing it but i’m pretty sure i stopped bc i was like damn i did not need to go this hard on a request and put my whole drawlfussy into making draco a horrible human being fjkd;salf. this is the most negative portrayal of him on my blog. i am legally obligated to tell u that if any of this draco’s behaviors or sayings remind you of your partner i implore you to leave him/her. not to wax philosophical or anything but my last relationship was not super great and i left without getting to say anything that i rlly wanted to say to them. the ending is a bit cathartic for me as it’s everything that i wish i had a chance to do :) i hope u enjoy.

wc: 5.6k

tags: @writeandtranslate @sycathorn-slush @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @yiamalfoy @crystalox @dracoismybabey @dreamcxtcherr @decaffeinated-turtle @marrymetheonott @felicityofbakerstreet @daedreamss @sycathorn-slush @writeandtranslate @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural @sycathorn-slush @big-galaxy-chaos

music recs:

burning pile - mother mother

no children - the mountain goats

i want you - mitski

jobless monday - mitski

drunk walk home - mitski

She couldn’t believe that she used to like how it felt.

Her relationship with Draco started like a fairytale, like the beginning of a great romantic story that would make even the most seasoned rom-com writer swoon. Soulmates weren’t real, not to her knowledge, but somehow he was perfect for her. There were too many things that added up--like how they had the same lucky numbers, the same type of wand, the same way that they used their quill as bookmarks when one wasn’t available, the way he always managed to finish her sentences and guess what she was thinking…

They had been perfect together. At least, perfect enough during the first 3 months that she only took the mentions of Astoria with a grain of salt. It didn’t hurt that he sweetened every comparison.

“Wow,” he’d say as he looked down at the gift she brought him from Hogsmeade one weekend when he wasn’t feeling well, “No one has ever made me feel this way before. I mean, Astoria would just leave me alone when I was sick. She never got me anything. Thank you. For making me feel...special, I guess.”

He’d always press the pad of his thumb into her dimple and let her try on his rings that were far too big for him, bringing up how Astoria would always insist on him shrinking them to fit her. It always gave Y/N a little bit of an uneasy feel, but if Draco said that they were over, they were over.��

“Love, you have nothing to worry about,” he told her one day after she expressed her nervousness to him. “I told you. We’re completely over. Plus, she’s gone completely mad. Keeps sending me owls telling me how she can’t imagine herself with anyone else. It’s pathetic, really. You, on the other hand...well, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

She glowed up at him at the sound of this, filing away the note about Astoria owling him and instead basking in the joy of his praise. Y/N had never been with someone who saw her in such an amazing light. Draco Malfoy, the cold, sometimes cruel, aristocratic Slytherin somehow looked at her and decided that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. And there was nothing that could feel as good as that.

It couldn’t get any better. So, naturally, it got worse.

Y/N understood that Draco and Astoria had to spend at least some time together--they were both on the Slytherin Quidditch team and their families were very close--but it seemed to be getting excessive.

“Listen, Y/N,” he said to her after she voiced her concerns once again. “There’s nothing going on between me and Astoria. You know that I can’t cut her off. She’s basically part of my family at this point.”

“I just don’t understand why you had to be alone in your room to study,” said Y/N, fighting back her tears as she sat cross-legged on Draco’s bed. “I don’t understand. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Her roommates were being loud and the common room was freezing,” he said as he searched for a sweatshirt in his drawer. “I know she’s worried about the Transfiguration exam. My family would disown me if they knew I didn’t offer my help and she failed.”

Y/N swallowed, allowing the silence to engulf them for a few seconds.

“Draco?”

“What’s up?” He didn’t even bother to look in her direction.

“What did you tell Astoria when she sent you those owls after we started dating?”

Draco ceased all movement for a second before resuming his search. “Er. I told her that if she didn’t respect our relationship we couldn’t be friends.”

“And did she? Respect our relationship?”

He stood up suddenly, the drawer slamming shut. “Obviously. We’re friends now, right? What’s your point?”

“Nothing,” said Y/N. Why was he being so defensive all of a sudden? “I just realized we never talked about that is all. I never told you how much it hurt when she sent me that owl after you first asked me out calling me a rebound fuck or whatever. I wanted to clear things up.”

“Oh,” he responded. “Sorry. Glad I could clarify things for you.”

“Thanks.”

He leaned over to desk to grab his shower caddy full of his shampoo and various other toiletries before pausing. “But you know what? I get why you might be concerned about Astoria, or whatever, but do you have any idea how much it hurts for you to imply that I’m a shitty enough person to cheat on you? Especially when you’re still talking to Potter?”

“Whoa,” said Y/N. “What? He told me that he got into his dream medical program. That was it. That was all it was. We’ve hardly spoken since you asked me--”

“And what does ‘hardly spoken’ mean?” he spat, glaring at her from the desk.

“As in we’ve had a few conversations,” said Y/N, staring down at her hands as her nails dug into her palms. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. They were nothing. He just said hi to me in the library once.”

“Good to see you so invested still in his career opportunities,” Draco drawled.

“That’s not--”

“And now you’re going to deny it?” He scoffed. “Wow.”

She bit her lip as tears started coming to the surface. The guilt she felt for not telling Draco about the encounter in the library was quickly covering up any worry she had about Astoria. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I made a mistake, but I broke up with him a year ago.”

“I would be more inclined to take your apology seriously if you weren’t constantly trying to justify yourself,” he said. His composure was clearly regained.

“I’m just trying to explain. I’m sorry. I understand where you’re coming from and I shouldn’t have done that.”

He sighed, keeping his eyes locked on her for a few seconds. “Okay. I think I need a little time by myself. Do you mind?” He sidestepped away from the door, tilting his head towards it.

“Oh.” Y/N wasn’t sure what she was expecting--maybe a hug from him, maybe make-up sex--but whatever it was, it wasn’t this. “For what it’s worth, I really don’t think you’re a shitty person. Or that you’re cheating on me. I just get nervous sometimes. And insecure. I’m sorry. I love you more than anything.”

He let out another deep exhale. “Thanks for listening. I’ll let you know when I feel comfortable talking again.”

“Wait. Are we breaking up?” Y/N asked, her voice becoming shrill at the end.

He shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I need to think.”

About what Y/N had to keep herself from saying to him.

And thus concluded their first real fight. Y/N went and cried herself to sleep in her room, mostly out of confusion, while, from what she heard after the end, Draco and Astoria were seen chatting away the night in the common room.

II.

The second time was much more blood-boiling. Looking back on it, Y/N wished that she could throttle him then and there. But only hindsight is 20/20.

After making up, Y/N brought Draco a bouquet of flowers that she knew were his favorite after the Quidditch Match. He’d grinned down at her, sweeping her off her feet and peppering kisses around her cheeks.

“Just who I wanted to see,” he crooned, setting her onto his bed and running his fingers through her hair.

“Can we nap?” she asked, leaning into his touch. He beamed down at her, pulling her into a hug once again. THIS was the Draco she knew--not the one that exploded at her in his room the week before. He’d just had a bad week.

“Of course.” He turned around to go fishing through his dresser again. She tried not to flinch at the memory of what conversation had ensued the last time she watched the scene before her. “Want a shirt?”

“Yeah.” She failed at holding back a giant grin. His shirts were always so soft and smelled like his cologne--a dead ringer for her Amortentia.

Draco turned and tossed her a sweatshirt from the top of his dresser as he quickly changed into sweatpants. Y/N laid back in his bed, examining his room in the dim light. It was moments like these that she’d be willing to give everything for. Her boyfriend’s bed was so, so soft and the sweatshirt was so cozy. She felt the bed dip to her side and arms fold around her, pulling her into Draco’s warm chest.

“I wish I could freeze this moment in time and live in it forever,” she whispered, letting her fingers trace up and down his chest as she felt it shake a bit with his laughter.

“Me too.”

From her position, she had a perfect vantage point to look at the corkboard hanging over his desk. Out of sheer curiosity, she squinted at the notes pinned to it. As far as she could see, all the notes had some incredible sentimental value, whether it be from his mother or an artifact from a special day of his. A grin stretched across her face as she wondered if she’d be able to find one of the many notes she’d written to him pinned up.

“What are you smiling about?” Draco teased, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Noth--” the words died on her tongue as her eyes locked onto the final note. The tell-tale fancy cursive and signature was most certainly not hers. But she knew whose it was. The nausea that followed was immediate. Why was he saving notes from her?

She squinted a little harder to make out what it said in the low lighting.

“Dearest Draco,” it read, “My parents wanted me to send this fruit basket to you as a celebration for your final year at Hogwarts. I hope you know that we’ve always got your back. No matter what. Yours, Astoria.”

“Is something wrong?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. He looked so concerned that Y/N thought that maybe telling him wouldn’t ruin the moment.

“I’m looking at your corkboard,” she told him, not trusting her voice not to shake. “And I’m seeing that you kept a note that Astoria wrote to you after we started dating. And you don’t keep any of mine.”

The energy immediately shifted as he sat up. “Are you actually serious?”

“Yes?” said Y/N, more confused than anything. “Can we please talk about this?”

“You know how it makes me feel when you imply that I’m cheating on you,” he said.

“I never said--”

“Then why bring it up?” he asked. “Honestly, at least she was never this sensitive. At this point it seems like you’re trying to get me to cheat on you.”

“Oh my god,” she said, pulling his covers off her and sitting up. “You’re seriously going to say that after you know how insecure she makes me feel?”

“Listen, Y/N,” he began, “If you’re not the type of girl who can handle my friendship with Astoria then that’s okay. But if that’s a deal-breaker I need to know now.”

“No! No, I want to be with you,” said Y/N, feeling her hysteria rise. “I respect it! Little stuff like this worries me, though, and I just want your reassurance. That’s all I want from you.”

“I shouldn’t have to justify what I keep on a corkboard,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “She’s just a family friend. It meant a lot to me to hear that from her and her family. I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this. If you can’t deal with this, then just say so. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh.” Y/N swallowed, pulling her knees into her chest. Why was everything so confusing? When things were good, they were perfect. Astoria was just...a constant obstacle for her to overcome. But he was worth it. He was always worth it, and she would do anything it took to make things right again, even if it meant swallowing her feelings. “I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting.”

He reached out to cup her cheek. “Hey. It’s okay. Thanks for telling me. I guess I’ll try and distance myself as much as I can. It might be hard though, you know. Just because of our family. I’m sorry if it’s not enough for you.”

“No, no, Draco.” The guilt flowed into her as she realized just how much of a problem she was causing over this. He never cared if she talked to any of her exes, and it wasn’t like she had strong family ties to them. “You don’t have to do that if it’s a hassle. I trust you. You’re enough for me as you are.”

I want to trust you she thought as she looked at the boy in front of her. I just don’t know if I can.

III.

The Yule Ball brought all sorts of festivities. Y/N felt her worries slip away as Draco asked her to the ball in extravagant fashion, filling her room with her favorite flowers and giving her a locket with their initials etched into it. His devotion to her was clear, and she felt it as he twirled her across the floor of the Great Hall.

“I’m so happy I got to spend this with you,” she whispered to him as she rested her head on his shoulder while they swayed. “And I’m so excited to spend the holidays together.”

“Believe me, me too,” he whispered back, spreading out his fingers on her back to hold her a bit closer. “You look beautiful.”

“I couldn’t let you blow me out of the water now, could I?” she teased, relishing in the feel of his smile forming.

“You mean the world to me, I hope you know that,” he said a few beats later. “I’d do anything for you.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course, love.” He pulled away to frown down at her, his eyebrow slightly furrowed. “Is something wrong?”

Y/N sighed. She couldn’t pretend the be the perfect girlfriend any longer when this was eating her alive. “It’s just...I saw you and Astoria together at the Three Broomsticks.”

All the softness immediately disappeared from Draco’s face. “We were just going over Quidditch strategy for our next game.”

“But why with her?” she asked. “She’s two years younger. Why don’t I ever see you talking to Pucey? He’s the one who’s going to be captain when you leave.”

“She wanted extra coaching.” His voice was flat. “You know my family will be angry with me if I say no to that.”

“But we were supposed to go on a date that day!” she exclaimed.

They’d stopped dancing, and Draco finally let go of her and stepped back. “It was a family thing. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it actually is. You always do this. Can you please just let this be a good night for us?”

“Excuse me?” she hissed, feeling her cheeks grow red. “Maybe you shouldn’t blow off your girlfriend to go out for drinks with your ex.”

“I told you,” he began waspishly, “She’s a family friend. She’s hardly my ex. Either way, you’re being completely ridiculous and you’re embarrassing me. I think it’s best that we spend the holidays separately.”

And with that, he left her alone in the middle of the dance floor.

IV.

Dearest Y/N,

I’ve been thinking of you this holiday season. I really miss you. It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve gotten to see you. I’m sorry that we weren’t able to spend the holidays together. At the time, I thought I needed the space, but now I really regret it. I know I’ve been reactive lately. I’ve just been stressed. I’ve been such a shitty boyfriend to you, making you worry like this. I love you, Y/N, and I can’t wait to see you this January. There’s a package with this letter. I hope it made it to you. Wear it and think of me, will you, love? I annotated a few of the books I sent you, too. I am seeing if I can come visit this weekend if my schedule allows it.

Yours forever, Draco

Y/N sighed as she ran her fingernail over the stones of the choker he’d given her. The diamonds glittered under her fingertips. It was a beautiful, beautiful gift. He had included a few wizarding books—one on herbology, something he knew she liked, and another contemporary fiction book that all of her friends were talking about. She glowed at the thought that he was paying such close attention to what she liked. This was what made all the pain worth it, she thought, as she gazed lovingly at the note in her hands. He loved her. He was right, she had nothing to worry about. She was choosing to trust him, like you did in any healthy relationship.

Seeing him later that week made her heart skip a beat. Her parents had left for dinner, leaving her and Draco to have some privacy. She leapt into his arms moments after he’d stepped out of the Floo.

“Hiiii,” she said, pressing kisses into his neck. She could feel his smile.

“Hiii,” he echoed. “How have you been?”

“I’ve missed you more than anything,” she admitted, bouncing once on her bed as she sat down. “I have so much to tell you. I want to hear all about your winter break first, though. How was Christmas?”

“It went well,” he said, walking over to her bookshelf. “It was great to catch up with Edward. He and Father argued the entire night over the credibility of Rita Skeeter’s work—”

“Wait,” she said, sitting up ramrod straight. He turned to her, his eyebrows raised. “Edward? Like, Edward Greengrass?”

“Yeah, the Greengrasses were there,” he said slowly, a frown forming on his face.

“I didn’t know about that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed. “Love, I did tell you. I guess you weren’t listening. Or you just don’t remember. Your memory has never been the best, has it?”

Y/N swallowed, racking her brain for any remembrance of that mention. She came up with nothing. Had she really just…forgotten? No, she wouldn’t have forgotten about that. “Oh. I guess I don’t remember.”

Draco’s smile was strained. “I see the books I sent you on your bookshelf already. Did you get through them that fast? I know you only put them there if they’re finished.”

“Oh, no, I’m still getting around to them,” she said, reassurance flooding her once again at the feeling of being recognized.

“Oh.” Draco went silent.

“Is there something wrong, love?” she asked, leaning forward so she could see his face better. He was wearing a deadly serious expression.

“No, it’s nothing. It’s fine,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “I just…I spent a lot of time annotating those for you. I just hope you actually get around to reading them. I know you have a habit of just forgetting about them.”

“No, Draco, they’re on my list!” she said, trying desperately to lighten the mood. “I promise I’ll get around to reading them. They made my week. Thank you.”

“If you say so.”

“Anyway,” rambled Y/N, “I’ve been dying to tell you something. I’ve come to the decision that I want my concentration to be on Potions and Arithmancy. I wrote to Snape over the break, and he told me that my plan would be excellent if I wanted to go into healing. Isn’t that great?”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely.”

“You don’t seem like you agree.”

Draco dropped his hands to his side in a dramatic swoop. “I’m sorry. I’ll try and be more enthusiastic. It just seems like a lot for you, you know? Like, you’re a History girl and you always have been. Why do you want to go into healing? You don’t have the skills for that. Most future healers start helping Madame Pomfrey by second year.”

“I know I don’t have experience in healing,” she said, deflated. “But Snape told me that my grades were exemplary and that he’d be willing to write a stellar recommendation to the program of my choice—”

“Ok, ok, I’ll shut up,” he said, holding his hands up in a surrender. “I’m happy for you, doll. Even if I don’t agree with your career choices.”

Y/N’s mouth felt dry as he came down to kiss her forehead. Something felt horribly wrong within her, like she was homesick. But she was in her childhood bedroom, with the love of her life—there was nowhere more like home.

She had to be dreaming. She had to be dreaming. There was no other reason as to why she could clearly see Draco and Astoria studying together in the library, Astoria giggling while Draco threaded his fingers through her hair. Especially after Draco had owled her, telling her he didn’t feel well enough to walk around the school grounds with her like they’d planned.

Fueled by nothing but rage, she approached the table. “Draco,” she said, nodding a greeting to Astoria. The girl seemed unbothered by her presence, turning to give Draco the slightest eyebrow raise.

“Y/N, how good to see you,” she said, sending her a little wave.

“Do you think you could go? I need to speak to Draco. Alone.”

They shared glances. “I’m sorry love, we really need to get this project done for her Runes class,” explained Draco.

“She can do it herself, I’m sure,” she said.

“Sorry, doll, but she can’t. I gave her my word that I would help her.”

“Like you gave me your word that we’d go on a walk together?”

He shrugged. “I caught a chill. I didn’t think I could handle the winter air. I’ll come by your room after. It’ll only be a bit longer.”

Stunned, Y/N stared at him. Draco gazed back, his face devoid of any concern. “Er, right then. I’ll see you later.”

The homesickness was coming back, full force, like she wanted to vomit. But more pronounced than that was her fury. How dare he lie and cancel on her? How dare he snap at her for having one conversation with Harry when he turned around and did that with Astoria?

Y/N skipped dinner waiting for Draco to come by her room. One hour passed, then two, then three. It was just past curfew when a knock finally sounded at her door.

“Come in,” she said. Draco opened the door, stepping in.

“Sorry for the wait,” he said briskly, setting his satchel on her chair. It occurred to her that he hadn’t even had the chance to stop by his room to drop his things off. He’d been with Astoria the entire time. “We ran into a bit of a snag with the—”

“I don’t care about the fucking project, Draco,” she said, her voice cracking. “I need to talk to you about this. I was okay with you being friends with Astoria. I was fine with you keeping contact. But I’m not okay with you lying to me—”

“I have never lied to you about Astoria. Stop overreacting,” he snapped. It was like another person had possessed the sweet Draco that was her boyfriend, any semblance of affection leaving his expression. “Don’t you ever try to blame me for the fact that you have a piss poor memory.”

“I don’t understand!” Y/N cried out. “I don’t understand why you insist on prioritizing Astoria over me but then blow up when I so much as look at Harry—”

“That’s different,” he interrupted. “You know it’s different. We’ve been enemies for years. You have to understand—”

“I’ve tried to understand,” she said. “I’ve tried so, so hard. You don’t even know how much I’ve tried to twist these situations around to make sense. But I’m tired of it, Draco. I wish I could just trust you. I can’t.”

He scoffed. “Are you seriously going to break up with me over this? That’s ridiculous and you know it.”

“Of course I’m not—”

“You are so ungrateful sometimes,” he continued, cutting her off. “Most people wouldn’t put up with this kind of bullshit accusatory behavior from their partner. Grow up, Y/N.”

“Ok.” She looked down at her palms, interlacing her fingers together for the much needed strength. “Ok. If I’m so ungrateful and such a pain to be around, then you don’t have to be anymore. Consider it done. We’re over.”

Draco froze. “Um, sorry. What did you just say?”

“I said,” she began, fighting back the tears that were welling up in her eyes, “We’re over. I can’t do this anymore.”

His mouth shut, his face void of any further emotion. “Oh. Well, I think you can. You just don’t want to.”

“What I want is for you to leave,” said Y/N. “I want to go to bed.”

He spared her one last glance before yanking his satchel off the chair and slamming her door shut.

She wasn’t sure what she expected from Draco. Maybe a bouquet of flowers, an elaborate apology, or a knock at her door at 3am to reveal a sobbing and heartbroken version of her now ex-boyfriend. What she wasn’t expecting was nothing except for the sight of Draco and Astoria together everywhere. He didn’t give her a second glance, just flouncing past her.

That was all before Astoria met half-Veela Beauxbatons transfer Hugo and left him in the dust. There was a sort of morbid pleasure in seeing Draco sit at the breakfast table alone, glowering over his toast.

“Y/N,” said a familiar voice behind her.

“Oh, hi, Harry,” said Y/N, turning around on the bench to see him. Harry looked somewhat concerned, his messy brown hair looking more ruffled than usual.

“Can I sit?”

“Yeah, yeah sure.” Y/N couldn’t help but feel the pang of guilt at seeing one of her oldest friends sit next to her for the first time in almost a year. After she began to date Draco, she tried her best to avoid Harry to keep Draco from getting upset. She wasn’t quite sure how to even begin apologizing for what had happened.

“I heard about you and Draco,” began Harry, picking a crumpet off of her plate and buttering it. The familiar, friendly motion almost brought tears to her eyes. “I want to say I’m sorry. I know we haven’t been the closest lately, but I noticed you become a lot more reserved while you were with him. I don’t know the extent of which he caused that, but I hope you’re feeling better now.”

To her horror, a sob began to climb in her throat. Without knowing what else to do, she launched herself forward, throwing his arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry, Harry,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “I’m sorry for cutting you off. Draco—”

“I assumed he had something to do with it,” said Harry, patting her back awkwardly. “It’s really okay. You’re here now, yeah? Let’s start over. Friends again?”

“Let’s.” She sat back up, wiped her eyes, and managed a watery smile. “I missed you, Harry. You’ve always been my best friend. I’m sorry I haven’t been yours lately.”

“For our debut back into society, do you want me to hex Malfoy’s balls off or something?” asked Harry casually, spreading jam onto her crumpet.

“Harry…”

“Now that I’m into the healer program, he can pay me to fix them in a couple of years,” he said.

“Did I tell you?” She grinned at him. The sick, homesick curdling in her stomach had vanished. “I think I want to apply to the healer program, too.”

Harry’s smile got even wider. “No way. You’d be great at that, Y/N. Snape likes you, too. You’ll definitely get in.”

Harry had been right. A month after she had ended things with Draco, her acceptance letter had come. It was all her friends could talk about. News apparently had gotten around to her Slytherin friends, too, as that night she heard a knock at her door.

“Come in,” she said.

Draco stepped in, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Draco. Can I help you?’ She thought that when she saw him again, she’d feel regret. Looking at him now, though, she felt nothing.

He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to say congratulations on your acceptance to the healer program. I knew you could do it. I’ve always believed in you, you know.”

She watched, her lips pressed into a thin line. “Thanks.”

“Also, I wanted to give you this.” Draco set a box down onto the desk. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, love, and I’ve realized that what I did wasn’t right. I didn’t listen to you and I regret that every day. You’re amazing. You’ve always been too good for me, which is why I feel so unworthy asking this of you.”

“Asking what?”

“I want to get back together,” he said, crossing the expanse of her room in a few steps and clasping her hands. “I can’t imagine being with anyone else. You’re the one for me, and I know that you feel the same way.”

She pulled away from him. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because our relationship wasn’t healthy, Draco. You weren’t good to me.”

“I…” He ran his fingers through his hair. He was stressed. He hadn’t prepared this far, Y/N noted. “I know, love. And I’m sorry about that. But when things were good they were great, weren’t they? Remember how great things were for the first few months? We could have that again.”

“You hurt me, Draco. That’s a risk I’m not willing to take again.”

“But think of how amazing we were together,” he said. “And we have a chance to do that again. But only if you give me another chance. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Y/N stared at him for a few moments. “I think the trajectory of our relationship was concerning. It was controlling, unhealthy, and borderline abusive. I would have to be mad to put myself through that again.”

“But I want to change for you. You know me, love. You know I’m a good person. I want to be better for you. I’m capable of it. I’ll cut Astoria off. I won’t ever speak to her again.”

“I don’t think you’re a good person,” said Y/N, her voice cracking. “I didn’t realize that until after I ended things, but you’re not. If you really were one, you wouldn’t need me to end things before you had the magical ability to defy your parents’ wishes and cut off Astoria. No, if you had loved me independently of what I offered you, you wouldn’t have been so peeved by the parts of me that weren’t of your choosing. A good person wouldn’t treat me like that. You did.”

He scoffed. “Is that seriously how you see me?”

“Yes. Unlike you, I don’t lie.”

Draco straightened before grabbing the jewelry box off of her desk. “Forget it. I don’t know why I bothered. You were always a rebound. You know that, right?”

“I’m sorry for you,” she said suddenly.

“I’m sorry for you,” he fired back. “Imagine how pathetic it is to be someone’s rebound.”

“No, that’s not why I’m sorry.” She met his eyes. “Draco, the 6 months I spent with you were the most unhappy months of my life. You sucked the life out of me. But I got to leave. I only had to waste 6 months of my life dealing with your fuckery and your inability to genuinely love other people. But you? You’re stuck with it. You have to live with that for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I’m sorry. It must be sad to be you.”

He slammed her door.

Time passed quickly. Her short relationship with Draco drifted into the past. By graduation, she was so focused on planning for the healer program that he hardly ever crossed her mind. But that summer, when the annotated book that he’d written her was left on her bed, halfway finished as she’d left it in January, a sort of bittersweet anger washed over her. She opened it up to the very last page to see a long letter he’d written her that she’d never read, depicting how much he’d adored her and how much he’d loved her.

She sat on her bed, the annotated book pressed into her chest as she stared up at the ceiling. Did he ever even mean those words? Were they just hollow? Was she ever more than just a rebound fuck?

But beyond all of that anger she felt for him, there was always an underlying sense of love. It didn’t matter how he felt. What mattered was that she had truly loved him.

Her fireplace roared to life as it was charmed to at 10 every evening, making her jump. After one last glance at the novel in her hands, she tossed it into the flame.

She remained awake, watching until every page was reduced to ash. Then she slept.

final a/n: ooh! i almost forgot to mention. shoutout to my ex gf, the only woman i would ever consider calling a c*nt. i wish i’d had the chance to! this one goes out to u girl, thank u for being my muse <3

#draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #draco x you #draco malfoy x you #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x y/n #draco x oc #draco malfoy x oc

206 notes · View notes

poisxnyouth · 5 years

Text

hs!dave chap 3 sneak peek bc writing takes a long time

A/N: enjoy i'm sorry it's not out in its entirety when i said it would be but 😣😣 we're perfectionists. let me (and aly) know what you think of the chapter so far & what u think is gonna happen! rlly tho, enjoy. ily. -hailey

w/c: 2,676

Everything had been resolved. You had given Nat an excuse as to why you and Dave had been cuddling on her couch - something about still being shaken up from the situation at the party and needing comfort. A video of the argument went around for a bit, rumors spreading about whatever was going on between you and David, but everyone forgot about it as soon as some guy from your history class got caught jerking off in the locker room showers. Everything had been swept under the rug, and no one suspected a thing.

“Ilya’s not coming, but I brought Empire Strikes Back,” Dima announces, not bothering to say hello as he comes through Nat’s front door and kicks his shoes off. He notices you and David sitting on the couch whispering to each other, furrowing his eyebrows at the sight.

“No, Dima! We are not watching Star Wars again!” Natalie shouts from the kitchen, opening a bag of popcorn and putting it in the microwave. Her denial distracts Dima as you and Dave don’t respond to his arrival, whispers continuing.

“Fine! You pick, Nat,” Dima easily gives in, approaching her and dropping his voice. “Is it just me or are they acting really weird? Like, fucking weird.”

Nat nods quickly, leaning back against the counter as she waits on the popcorn. “I was gonna ask you that too. Maybe they’re just getting close again? You know they’re like that. They get really far apart and then close again and it just happens over and over.”

“I mean, yeah, you're right. Maybe? It just seems different this time, I guess,” Dima shrugs his shoulders, eyes flickering between Natalie and you and David.

“I know, I agree. Have they done anything weird around you?”

“I mean,” Dima shrugs again, “You weren’t there, but a few weeks ago, at homecoming, they were all touchy in the corner against the wall.”

“Touchy?” Nat questions as the microwave goes off, quickly opening it and removing the bag.

“Yeah, like, Y/N’s arms were around his neck and she kept pulling him closer and he let her. I honestly thought they were making out at first. They’ve just never been like that before. I thought it was just because she was drunk?”

“Nonono, you’re right. That next morning, after the party and after everything with Jordan happened, I came downstairs and they were cuddling on the couch. Like, passed out and all wrapped up in each other. It was weird as hell,” Natalie tears the bag of popcorn open and carefully dumps it into a bowl, “They said it was because she was super upset afterwards. I don’t doubt that part, it’s just unlike David to do that. Like, pretty sure he wouldn’t do that for me if I asked him to, you know?”

“Do you think something is going on between them?” Dima asks, still attempting to keep his voice low.

“Ugh,” she scrunches her face up, “I hope not. That’d be so gross. And weird. I don’t think there’s anything, though.”

Natalie shoves the bowl into Dima’s hands as she begins to make her way to one of her cabinets in the living room, eyes scanning through DVD’s as she picks a random rom-com.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Natalie,” Dima complains, “You traded Star Wars for Clueless?”

“Yes? David? Y/N? Do you care?”

You and David quickly mumble a no, not really and return to your whispers.

“Okay, then we’re starting,” Natalie ignores Dima’s sigh of disbelief as she pops the DVD into the player.

“Wait, Nat. We’re gonna go for a smoke first,” David interrupts her, pushing himself off of the couch and grabbing his cigarettes from the side table. You follow him and mirror his actions, moving towards the front door.

“Fine, but don’t take a long time. I don’t know why you guys started that shit in the first place.” You both ignore her comment and go out front, quickly removing a cigarette from your respective packages.

David’s stare lingers for a few seconds as you prop your cigarette between your lips and light it, looking away as you catch him.

“What was that look for?”

“It’s nothing,” he promises, lighting his own and puffing it. You don’t push it, falling into a comfortable silence for a minute before David leans down to attach your lips.

Cigarette still between your fingers, both hands come to his cheeks as you reciprocate his kisses.

“Why aren’t they saying anything?” Dima complains in a whisper, ear pressed against Natalie’s front door.

“You’re wasting your time, Dima,” Natalie says, “They’re probably just close again. You’re being fucking creepy, stop it!”

“I just wanna know-”

“Know what? If they’re hiding something from us, there’s probably a good reason behind it. Just wait it out. If there’s something going on, as weird as that’d be, they’ll tell us eventually.”

“Fine, but I’m still keeping an eye out for weird shit,” Dima replies, moving from his knees back to his feet, “I hate this - it feels like they’re lying to us.”

“Why? You don’t even know if anything’s actually happening.” He simply shrugs as you and David open the door and emerge, reeking of tobacco and tar as you place yourselves next to each other on Natalie’s loveseat. Natalie silently hits play on the DVD player as you and Dave pile up in blankets, leaning into opposite cushions to seem as far apart as possible.

You feel David’s hand creep over, fingers lacing with yours under the copious amount of layers. Neither of you say anything as the movie begins, elbows propped up on the arms of the couch, intertwined hands between you.

“Doesn’t she get with her step brother or something? That’s so fucking gross,” David gripes for everyone to hear, squeezing at your hand.

“Ex-step brother, Dave,” you gently remind in a whisper, scooting closer to him.

David's voice drops so only you can hear, “That's not much better, baby. Still gross.” The blush that comes to your cheeks is almost immediately clocked by Dima and Natalie, both of them sharing a quick look before returning their attention to the TV.

Dave continues making snarky comments for the majority of the movie before asking Natalie to pause it.

“Why?”

“I just - we need another smoke, okay?” The roll of Natalie’s eyes is obvious as you both stand, grabbing your cigarettes and, this time, moving towards her back door.

You both place yourselves on her lawn furniture, silently pulling the objects out of their packages and propping them between your lips.

You begin to flick your lighter before David makes a noise, shaking his head and taking it from you. His lit cigarette is dangling from the corner of his mouth as he flicks your lighter, lighting the stick for you. He drops your lighter back into your hand and takes his cigarette back between his two fingers.

“Pretty girls don’t light their own cigarettes,” he says quickly, meeting your eyes before bringing his back up to his lips.

“You’ve never done that before,” you question him, blush rising in your cheeks.

“I wasn’t fucking you before,” Dave explains nonchalantly between puffs, shaking his head slightly.

“So shouldn’t it be hot girls? Not pretty girls? You don’t usually call girls you’re just fucking pretty.”

David shrugs slightly, “Why does it matter if you’re both? Which one would you rather be?”

You go silent for a few seconds, mulling over your response, “...Pretty.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause you’re the only guy who’s ever called me that. Besides, like, my dad.”

He gapes slightly, shaking his head, “Jesus. What kind of guys have you been dating?”

“Shitty ones, I guess.”

“No shit. You’ve always been beautiful, you should be told that.” David meets your eyes again, free hand moving to the top of your thigh.

“You’ve always thought that?” You ask, cheeks becoming redder and redder the more he continues. Your hand comes to rest over his, quickly moving to lace your fingers together.

“Yeah, I just - I never said it ‘cause I thought it was weird. I wish I had, though.” David leans back in his seat, bringing your intertwined hands up and kissing the back of it before gently dropping them back into his lap.

“I wish you’d taken my virginity,” you say, squeezing his hand and maintaining eye contact.

Your confession makes his eyes widen, “Why? I took your first kiss freshman year, isn’t that enough?”

You shrug, “Exactly! It was perfect. You’ve always treated me so much better than anybody else. Like...always. Why did we never do this before? It would’ve saved me so much hurt.”

David finishes his cigarette, stamping the butt into Natalie’s parents’ ashtray and sinking slightly into his seat.

“I don’t know if I would’ve done it before, baby,” he admits.

“Why not?”

“I didn’t know then what I know now.”

“So you only did it because you felt bad for me?” You hastily pull your hand out of his, putting out your cigarette.

“What? No, of course not-”

“If this is just a pity fuck, then forget it.” You rise to your feet and move towards the door, David grabbing your wrist and forcing you to turn back to him.

“It’s not a pity fuck,” you look at him uncertainly, “Just hear me out, baby, okay? Sit down.”

He takes one of your cigarettes from the pack and hands it to you, taking the liberty to light it once you’re sat beside him again.

“Before...you never told me anything. I didn’t know anything other than what people told me or rumors I heard, and you played it off so well. I didn’t think you were a slut or anything, but I didn’t know how these guys were treating you. I thought you were into it. It’s not about pity. You should be treated the way you deserve, and if I can do that for you, then great.” You sigh, your cigarette shaking as your hand trembles. David puts his hand on top of yours, making you look up at him.

“I just want you to see what you’re worth. When I look at you, I don’t just see something I wanna fuck. You’re my best friend, baby. I’m more interested in that.”

You don’t say anything, bringing the menthol back up to your lips and looking away from him.

“You know this is so much more than a pity fuck,” he adds, “You know I care about you, so why won’t you let me in?”

You glance at him briefly before looking back at your hands, watching the end of your cigarette burn.

“I'm fucking scared, David,” you admit in a whisper, eyes welling up with tears.

“Hey, are you guys gonna be any longer?” Natalie steps out, slightly annoyed. Her face drops when you turn and her eyes land on you.

“Are you okay?”

“Just keep going without us, Nat, we’ll be back in a few,” David speaks up, careful not to answer for you.

“Y/N…” She ignores his plead, looking at you for confirmation.

“I’m fine, Natalie,” you feign, wiping away your tears with your free hand. “You and Dima keep going. Please.”

Natalie doesn’t answer, warily nodding her head and retreating inside.

David waits until the door clicks shut to resume your conversation, taking your hand in his once more, “Why are you scared? It’s just me, baby.”

“I’ve never had this before, Dave! Even if this is just platonic, I’ve never had a guy treat me this way before. I don’t know how to handle it.” You nervously bring the cigarette to your lips, inhaling deeply before releasing the smoke.

“Just let me do this for you. Please, babe. You don’t have to ‘handle’ it at all,” his free hand flies up, quickly creating air quotes before coming back down, “I just want you to see yourself the way I see you. Or even the way Nat sees you. Like what I said before, if this,” he motions between you, “what’s going on between us, helps with that? Even just a little bit? It’s worth it to me.”

“I just don’t want to fuck this up for myself-”

“You won’t! Don’t worry about that shit - I’m not leaving you, okay? I love you so much. If you want me to stop, I will; if you want to stop all of this between us, we can; whatever you want. Do not think I’m sitting here with you out of pity. Ever.” David’s fingers reach for your cigarette, plucking it from your hold and taking a drag.

He exhales, still holding the object between his thumb and forefinger, making a face at the taste. “God, I forgot how terrible menthol is. Take this shit back.”

You stifle a giggle, taking it from him and wiping your tears. He leans over and presses a soft kiss to your cheek as your fingers brush, moving over slightly to attach your mouths.

He kisses you slowly, still tasting the menthol on your lips and gently pulling away. Faces still close and hands still intertwined, David breaks, “I love you, baby. As friends.”

You can barely murmur an agreement before he's beginning again, “I love you, but I need to get this fucking taste out of my mouth before I kiss you again. How do you smoke these?” He’s playfully griping in hopes of making you feel better, reaching for his cigarettes - a pack of Reds. Dave’s hand briefly leaves yours to pull a stick from the package and place it between his lips, left hand cupping around the lighter as his right hand flicks it. He holds the flame for a few seconds, watching it burn before stopping it, tossing the box and lighter onto the side table.

His hand immediately returns to yours as he takes a deep drag, exhaling slowly. “You’d tell me if I’m doing something wrong, right?”

“Yeah. Of course.” David nods solemnly at your response, goofy facade fading as he slinks backwards into his seat, pulling you with him. At second thought, he unlinks your hands, arm draping around your shoulders and pulling you into his side. You rest your head on his shoulder, free hand moving to rest on his chest, watching it fall gently with each exhale. You feel his heart beating gently under your fingertips as you move up slightly, pressing a tender kiss to his cheek and mumbling a Thank you, David, I love you. You feel him nod slightly as he continues working on finishing his cigarette, murmuring a quiet You’re welcome. I love you, too.

“And you know I’d do anything for you?” Dave questions a minute later, normal speaking voice this time, clearing his throat slightly and rolling his cigarette between his fingers. You nod against him, fingertips digging into his chest slightly as you press your body closer into him.

His hand falls to your waist, rubbing lightly and affectionately, “Good. Let’s go in.” He leans forward a bit, putting out his cigarette and beginning to rise to his feet.

You tug on him slightly once you stand, “Kiss me before we go?” David nods without a second thought, head dipping as both hands tangle in your hair, mouths attaching. You melt into the taste of his cigarettes as he breathes harshly, deepening the kiss for a few seconds before pulling away entirely.

He follows you inside of the house, immediately apologizing on your behalf to Natalie and Dima.

“It’s okay!” Natalie swears, “Are you guys still staying the night?”

Despite not glancing at each other, you and Dave share the same uneasy expression before Nat begs once more, “Come on! It’s never just us four anymore, and it’s one of the last nights of the break before school starts. It’ll be fun!”

David is the first to accept, quickly saying, “Yeah, you’re right. We’ve gotta go get more smokes, though.”

Natalie quickly deflates before he adds, “We’ll be back in, like, an hour. Hour and a half at the most. I swear.”

39 notes · View notes