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#i relapsed a couple days ago and told my bf the day after it happened. he was like really upset about it and like trying to get me to stop
7suns · 2 years
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my boyfriend is so amazing ;---;
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meismalis · 3 years
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*TW* This post contains details about drug use, abuse and rape.
Just listened to the otherside by macklemore and Ryan Lewis for the first time again since my before my addiction
It was my favorite song in grade 12 but man it hits different now.
I started with Percocet, on to oxy 20s then 40s then 80s, then morphine (eslons, hydromorphs) then started shooting the morphine. Eventually ended with heroin and fentanyl. At the end of it I was shooting 5 points of fentanyl laced heroin a day.
I remember meeting up with a guy I never really hungout with before and we went a picked up and he did half a point and I did a 2 point smash of fentanyl and he would not let me do anymore than half a point. I was like listen, I'm not going to die, that will take away the withdrawals but I will barely feel it and I had to literally give him my narcan to get ready to revive me because he didn't believe me. He was stunned at the fact that me, a 98 pound girl at the time, could smash 2 points of fentanyl laced heroin.
My habit was a MINIMUM of $100 a day, and that was just to not be sick. I wanted to actually get high? At least $200-300 that day.
One day, my bf and I were driving after picking up and pulling into an empty parking lot to do a smash and he looked over at the passenger seat and I was passed out, white as a ghost, barely breathing, making gargling noises. He later said it sounded like a drain draining coming out of my throat, the life literally draining out of me. He couldn't call 911 because we had one shitty phone cause we sold our phones for drugs, and that phone didn't have a sim card, only on free wifi would we be able to use it. We were on a long country road too with barely anything around. He ended up pulling into a Tim Hortons after a while and dragged me out of the car on the ground crying and screaming for someone to call 911. 911 arrived and pulled me away in the ambulance and the last thing he heard them say as we pulled away was "I'm not getting a pulse" the cops didn't press charges on him, I guess because they thought he was just about to lose his girlfriend, and took the needles and stuff out of the car and let him go to the hospital.
Meanwhile I'm in the ambulance unconscious with barely a heartbeat, and woke up violently with a massive needle in my chest. They gave me narcan and it didn't work so they jammed an adrenaline needle in my heart, then the narcan started to take effect. I immediately went into precipitated withdrawals, it was hell. The first thing I did was scream at the paramedic for ruining my high and started crying. When my bf came to the hospital and saw that I was okay, he came running up to hug me and the first thing I asked was if he got the drugs out of the car. I was relieved when he said yes. I was about to be released but I was in horrible withdrawals and couldn't wait even one more minute, I went to the bathroom and grabbed the needle and cooker out of my underwear and did a shot right there in the bathroom of the hospital after nearly dying.
When I say you lose all sanity and everything about yourself when addicted to opiates, I mean it. You are chemically a different person. You are physically dependant on something to keep you okay. If you don't have it, the worst pain and symptoms you have ever felt in your life take over. It feels like you need to open up your chest and itch your heart, it feels like your skeleton needs to burst out of your skin, your skin is full of pins and needles, the burning kind. You're sweating buckets, nauseous AF, migraine galore. Every single part of your body is extremely uncomfortable and painful. Your eyes, your fingertips, your fucking hair follicles. Everything is on fire. I would not wish it upon my worst enemy. The way I describe it isn't dramatic enough, it's 10000x worse than what you can imagine. And one little pill or shot takes it all away immediately, and puts you in the most warm, cozy, state of euphoria you have ever felt. Going from death's door to that feeling, I can't describe it. Now as I'm writing this, I have the urge to break 3 years of full on soberness and shoot heroin up my veins. I won't lie, I would love it. Its orgasmic......but I know it isn't worth it. Well, that's actually half a lie. To part of me, anything is worth it. Which is why I had to hit absolute rock bottom and have some pretty horrible things happen to me to get sober.
It's very difficult for me to talk about but there was a 3 month period were I was held hostage by a trafficker and couldn't escape because my bf would of literally been killed. I was forced to break up with him and go with him. He constantly had his "buddies" with me if he wasn't there. Those months were full of pain and numbness. I wasn't trafficked myself (he "loved me so much and didn't want that life for me") but I helplessly watched as he would bring me everywhere to keep an eye on me, including the sketchy hotel rooms where girls would be meeting guys and supplied with their drug of choice and he would pick up the money these girls made, leaving them with like 15% of what they made. Some of these girls were so young. Barely turned 18. Some may have even been 16, 17. It was horrid.
Everytime he would kiss me or touch me, I wanted to throw up. I was high AF every single time, it was the only way I could deal with it. Its very difficult for me to talk about what he did to me in details, I can barely tell my therapist. Anyways, I ended up getting away, I ended up getting a note to my bf and explained everything, and I had to beg him not to react, not to basically kill him. He went to the police and they knew his name, and he had the police come and find me. They ended up fake arresting me and putting me in a cop car so I could get away without suspicion. The cops took a statement from me and ended up raiding the hotel I told them about. Unfortunately no charges came about as the girls were "willing" and "consenting" and "gave the money they made willingly". It makes me sick to my stomach that nothing happened regarding that.
I ended up getting a restraining order (to this day, I'm terrified he will find out where I am) and leaving Oshawa with my bf, and we ended up in a different Town and got clean not too long after that. Since then, I have gotten back to a semblance of myself. I have been COMPLETELY clean about 2 months over 2 years. I started my journey of being clean 4 years ago essentially, I was clean for a majority of those 4 years, but about 2 years in, I relapsed and ended up doing it for a couple weeks after the relapse again, but since then I have not touched it once. My bf and I moved back to our homeland (Newfoundland) and we have made extreme strides at rebuilding our lives. We both have stable decent paying jobs, a beautiful apartment and cat, amazing relationships with our families again, I'm getting my full driver's license in March and my bf paid off his DUI fines and got his lisence back and we're getting a car in a couple weeks, my step mother is giving us her 2014 ford and I am going back to school starting night classes this winter while working full time still, and then in the fall I am going back full-time for Marine Environmental Technology (essentially marine engineering and environmental sciences together :))
I never thought I'd be here. I never thought I would make it out. I was convinced I would die in that state and period of my life. I am NEVER going back there, mark my words.
Oh my, that was way heavier and longer than I expected it to be, though it was nice to get all of that off my chest and out into the open. If you made it here to the end, thank you for listening. I your image of me hasn't been ruined too badly..........
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How much does car insurance for a teenager cost approx. per year in Nova Scotia Canada (all answers welcome!)?
"How much does car insurance for a teenager cost approx. per year in Nova Scotia Canada (all answers welcome!)?
Hello, I am on the verge of entering Drivers Ed. and was wondering how much the insurance would be per year if you own your own car, and being a teenager who just got their license. I know it will be a larger number, and you may not know it exactly, and even if you're not from NS, all answers are welcome. I was just looking for a range/estimates. Thanks in advance :)
BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://insureinfo.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 
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How much does car insurance for a teenager cost approx. per year in Nova Scotia Canada (all answers welcome!)?
Hello, I am on the verge of entering Drivers Ed. and was wondering how much the insurance would be per year if you own your own car, and being a teenager who just got their license. I know it will be a larger number, and you may not know it exactly, and even if you're not from NS, all answers are welcome. I was just looking for a range/estimates. Thanks in advance :)
Insurance for a car you don't drive?
I'd like to get a 79 monte carlo and I want to register it and insure it as a running car I don't drive. It's kind of like the insurance used for motorcycles when they just sit in the garage during the fall/winter months. Does anyone have any idea how much it might be. I'm a 20 yr old guy, but I would imagine it wouldn't make a difference for a car that isn't driven.""
What kind of health insurance can i get if i dont have legal documents?
What kind of health insurance can i get if i dont have legal documents?
I haven no health insurance?
i have no health insurance and apprantely i cant get medicaid or anything like that but i'm sick and i'm about to loose my job due to the rescission like millions of others..but my question here is what can i do to get medical help if i have no type of insurance?
Insurance question for my situation?
What do you think would be the cheapest insurance company to go with in this situation? 16 year old female, 1992 Ford F 150""
Can u get motorcycle insurance without a permit or license?
Can u get motorcycle insurance without a permit or license?
What to do when health insurance company won't cover surgery?
We just recently got health insurance a few weeks ago. My husband was diagnosed with a double inguinal hernia yesterday and is scheduled for surgery Friday. Our insurance company will not cover the surgery., They said that hernia surgery has a 6 month waiting period and he can not wait another week let alone 6 months. They will only cover it if it is a life or death situation.I could take him back out to the ER, but who's to say that they will say that it is an emergency and do it within 24 hours? I put a call in to the financial aid counselor to see about getting help with the surgery bill, although we are most likely going to be unable to pay big amounts of money. Is there any insurance companies we can sign up for in order to have health insurance and be able to have him get the surgery by Friday? Or is there anything else we can do? We are not eligible for MDCD, already tried that!! Please help with any suggestions.""
How do you get new home owner's insurance after you were dumped?
Hypothetically speaking, say your home owner's insurance company does NOT renew your policy? How long do you have to find a new company and what if no company will take you on due to too many claims?""
How much would I pay for motorcycle insurance in Hawaii?
How much would it cost to insure a 500cc or less motorcycle in Hawaii for a full-time female college student with a 3.0 or better GPA who is 19 years of age and single and has one speeding ticket on her record? I would just like a ballpark range to work with so I can decide whether or not I want to buy a motorcycle for going to college and work while I'm here in Hawaii. I passed a motorcycle safety course and have my M1 license. I want to know if I could afford the insurance.
""Chrysler 300c, tax and insurance?
how much would it cost to insure and tax the 300c for a year and do they drink on petrol cheers
How do i get insurance?
ok i saw one i like what should i do next ? should i call them ? and i want to pay monthly, and how soon do you think my insurance can be started? and can i start today?""
Why is car insurance so expensive in the UK!?
So i'm not driving yet, only applied for a provisional, i'm age 17. But I thought why not try and figure out how much my insurance will be once i've passed and buy a car at roughly 1000, so I filled in all the details as accurate as possible on the compare websites and the cheapest yearly insurance price was 5600! How the hell am I suppose to afford this, am I doing something wrong haha :L""
New Insurance Extension?
If the companies extend insurance to young adults up to age 26, what happens if they get married? Are you automatically removed from your parents insurance when you get married?""
Temporary auto insurance for move?
I'll be moving to Oakland California from Phoenix Arizona and I was wondering if there is such a thing as temporary auto insurance. My vehicle is not currently insured, but I can get a temporary registration from AZ DMV. That would allow me to drive my car for my move. I will be pulling a small utility trailer. I don't want to get a full 6 month insurance policy because as soon as I get to Oakland, I won't be driving the car at all. Are there any insurance companies that offer a really short policy (2 days, or maybe a week) ? I only need insurance for those two days, and so that I can get temporary registration from the DMV. Does anyone know if such a thing exists, and if so what company?""
Unitrin Direct Auto Insurance (Any good?)?
Asked by: hyphenga-ga I recently responded to an e-mail for a free auto insurance price quote (I'm in California). I wasn't really looking to shop around - and wasn't planning to switch companies to save a buck or two, but I was kinda shocked when the price quote I got from Unitrin Direct (same coverage limits and deductibles) was $510 less than I'm paying now. I called and asked what the catch was and they said they sell direct with no agents/offices and pass the savings onto the customer (logical, but obviously scripted answer). They also touted an A.M. Best Excellent rating, but what good is financial stability if they bungle claims (for example) or have terrible customer service? So I guess I'm looking for a little confidence - or a big fat warning - before I jump into anything. Are they reputable? Is there any objective info available about them? (I'd love any good/bad comments from Unitrin customers out there too.)""
Insurance m3 17 year old?
I have found a really nice BMW m3 2005 on eBay and considering it as a first car i have had simlair quotes for 1.4 polo what i was wondering is if i could have it on commercial insurance on my dads policy and me as a named driver as i wouldn't be driving as often as him and around how much would it be if Ive had a quote of 4700 on my own policy?
What is the difference between insurance and banassurance?
Ex. Insurance deals by LIC, GIC Banassurance deals by banks""
Any idea how much motorcycle insurance for a 19 yer old Female in Texas would cost?
i been driving for at least 13 years (since i was 7 i was driving a 150cc) at 15 i started driving a 1600cc yamaha royal star :D (so dont say i dont know) i had a mexican motorcycle license for about 4-5 years (i am verly gonna get tx Licence) And i am planning on getting maybe a 600cc sportbike to use in TX
What's a low cost yet good car insurance co in California(northern)?
I have a gas hog and I am trying to lower my bills since the economy slump and I am trying to find if my car insurance is high and if I should switch and to who I pay every six months 681.00.Thanks in advance.
Health insurance question.....?
My daughter broke her arm. She is insured with my husband's insurance. The insurance company agreed to pay for the hospital and doctor bills but the doctor's office never submitted the bill to our insurance company. There is evidence that they submitted it to the wrong insurance company and are trying to blame us for it saying we gave them the wrong information. I have no idea where they think we came up with information on an insurance company we never had. Moreover they had the right information when they billed our insurance for a previous case. Now 2 years later the doctor's office is trying to collect the money from us saying it is too late to collect on our insurance. Can they do that? We pay a lot for health insurance every month and now we have a huge medical bill too.
""Insurance,life?
I'm 38. my wife is 33. non smokers. which insurance make more sense. i have whole life with long term care. my wife is looking into term insurance. which is better?
Where to have my car insurance?
My insurance is up for renewal soon and I have a little dilemma. 4 days a week I work away from home living with realatives close to my job and the other 3 days I am at home. not the best situation but as I can't take my kids out of school I have to go where the work is. Now If I insure my car at my realtives address it is 200 cheaper then at my family home but can I legally insure my car away from the family home.
16 year old car insurance with a classic truck?
So my neighbor has this awesome chevrolet apache 10 pickup from the late 50's, early 60's for sale. I am 16 so i am looking to buy a vehicle. I was wondering is insurance more or less with a classic car/truck?""
Will speeding convictions affect my car insurance?
I have to speeding convictions, the first one a went to a speed awareness workshop so i didnt recieve any points but on my second one i recieved 3 points on my license. Will this show on my insurance renewal and will it bump up my insurance rates? I have been driving for a year.""
How much would insurance be on a 2007 scion tc in Texas?
Im 19 and about to purchase a 07 tc, but I dont know the average cost of insurance for a tc would be""
Is a 2000 Mustang GT expensive to insure?
I'm 16 and looking for a first car. I have my heart set on a certain mustang but the only thing is insurance cost. Its a 2000 GT and im going to be insured with state farm. Im 16 getting my license in 2 weeks so I know thats a big factor. Also I was trying to get some ideas about what it might cost and found this on the state farm website. http://www.statefarm.com/insurance/auto_insurance/veh_rating/ford.asp Not sure if its relevant but if it is than can someone explain what it means?
How much does car insurance for a teenager cost approx. per year in Nova Scotia Canada (all answers welcome!)?
Hello, I am on the verge of entering Drivers Ed. and was wondering how much the insurance would be per year if you own your own car, and being a teenager who just got their license. I know it will be a larger number, and you may not know it exactly, and even if you're not from NS, all answers are welcome. I was just looking for a range/estimates. Thanks in advance :)
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/can-you-ride-ducati-848-every-day-use-insurance-craig-cabrera"
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