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#i question my fortitude sometimes. idk its been a long day&i havent burned thru the Bad mania yet lmao.
jvzebel-x
·
1 year
Text
🦋
#usually i like to think i am extremely well adjusted to what my health entails. usually lmao.
#but specifically cancer sometimes feels like a goddamn anchor lmao.
#stomach cancers are not even close to the only ones that could potentially go on for a lifetime w treatment
#depending on situation. like this is a far more normal situation than ppl really realize i think.
#i hadnt realized it before i was adjusting goal posts from 'cured' to '5yr mark' at least lol.
#this is not bad. this could be signficiantly worse. this is not a bad situation all things considered.
#but like sometimes i wonder what its like to be like. healthy lmao.
#&when things dip its like. if this is a perma-up trajectory as far as difficulty goes it feels kind of. unfair that mine started
#where it did&its just like. never gonna plateau lmao.
#i question my fortitude sometimes. idk its been a long day&i havent burned thru the Bad mania yet lmao.
#ill get high&itll be easier to see that w/o the pain lmao.
#med change ups are never fun this one just happened at an unfortunate time in general probably.
#i miss my dog. i miss all my dogs. i would have lost my mind w/o roxy lmao.
#at least this time i can give him proper rites; i couldnt for yoshi or johnny. so ive been doing a full mourning period.
#it hasn't put me in like. the most optimistic light as of late lol.
#its weird. im being such a fucking baby about all of this lmao.
#but like i also wasnt expecting unconditional love to be almost exclusive to my dogs
#or for the ups&downs to still be so dramatic after all these years of figuring out treatments lmao.
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