#&when things dip its like. if this is a perma-up trajectory as far as difficulty goes it feels kind of. unfair that mine started

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#usually i like to think i am extremely well adjusted to what my health entails. usually lmao. #but specifically cancer sometimes feels like a goddamn anchor lmao. #stomach cancers are not even close to the only ones that could potentially go on for a lifetime w treatment #depending on situation. like this is a far more normal situation than ppl really realize i think. #i hadnt realized it before i was adjusting goal posts from 'cured' to '5yr mark' at least lol. #this is not bad. this could be signficiantly worse. this is not a bad situation all things considered. #but like sometimes i wonder what its like to be like. healthy lmao. #&when things dip its like. if this is a perma-up trajectory as far as difficulty goes it feels kind of. unfair that mine started #where it did&its just like. never gonna plateau lmao. #i question my fortitude sometimes. idk its been a long day&i havent burned thru the Bad mania yet lmao. #ill get high&itll be easier to see that w/o the pain lmao. #med change ups are never fun this one just happened at an unfortunate time in general probably. #i miss my dog. i miss all my dogs. i would have lost my mind w/o roxy lmao. #at least this time i can give him proper rites; i couldnt for yoshi or johnny. so ive been doing a full mourning period. #it hasn't put me in like. the most optimistic light as of late lol. #its weird. im being such a fucking baby about all of this lmao. #but like i also wasnt expecting unconditional love to be almost exclusive to my dogs #or for the ups&downs to still be so dramatic after all these years of figuring out treatments lmao.